Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #405 The Homeschool Parent - Deb

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#405 The Homeschool Parent - Deb · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
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  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
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  Speaker 2: wants answers.
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  Speaker 3: Now. I'm a full time single mum to six kids working.
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  Speaker 3: I don't have a teaching degree, but I have a
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  Speaker 3: mum degree. I know them the best and I love
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  Speaker 3: them the most. Listening to Mummy. That makes me the
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  Speaker 3: best person to be beside them and guide them through life.
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  Speaker 1: Good.
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  Speaker 4: It's doctor Justin Colson, the parenting expert on prudal Guidance,
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  Speaker 4: shell Nind's reality TV show about parenting styles, and the
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  Speaker 4: founder of Happy Families dot com dot You Kylie, mum
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  Speaker 4: to our six daughters and my wife and podcast partner,
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  Speaker 4: Hey Kylie. Today pretty much the last time we're going
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  Speaker 4: to be talking about parental guidance. Maybe a quick wrap
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  Speaker 4: up tomorrow. But we've talked to Andrew Mirriam, We've talked
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  Speaker 4: to Breton Tony, We've talked to Penny and Daniel. We've
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  Speaker 4: talked to Kevin and Debbie, we talked to Alison Langdon.
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  Speaker 1: We've had some great convers over the last week.
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  Speaker 4: And when I'm watching what's been happening on social media,
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  Speaker 4: not that I'm actually watching it too closely, I'm trying
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  Speaker 4: to stay away from it. But as I've watched the
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  Speaker 4: conversations and heard people talking, the one parent who keeps
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  Speaker 4: on coming up again and again but didn't actually make
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  Speaker 4: it into that final four is Deb the homeschool mum.
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  Speaker 4: Mum to six kids.
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  Speaker 2: I think you're going to like just get pushed to
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  Speaker 2: the side. This conversation is going to be two mums
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  Speaker 2: with lots of kids having a really good conversation.
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  Speaker 4: Can you imagine if we got together with Deb for
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  Speaker 4: a barbecue the be twelve kids running around.
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  Speaker 1: That's just another day in our house.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, it kind of feels like it anyway, Deb the
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  Speaker 4: homeschool Mum, it's so nice to be able to talk
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  Speaker 4: to you today. Thanks so much for joining us on
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  Speaker 4: the Happy Families podcast.
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  Speaker 3: Thanks so much, Justin and Kiley, it's a pleasure to
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  Speaker 3: chat with you.
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  Speaker 2: Deb. People are fascinated with homeschooling, and you have started
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  Speaker 2: a conversation around the country with parents.
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  Speaker 1: Who are kind of going, is this something that I
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  Speaker 1: could do?
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  Speaker 4: But it's homeschooling on steroids right?
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  Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, six children and you've done it from
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  Speaker 2: the very beginning. What made you decide to go with homeschooling.
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  Speaker 3: It really was the mother heart and the connection that
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  Speaker 3: I had with my first little one, Jess, and she
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  Speaker 3: was about three and my friends starting to look at
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  Speaker 3: booking them into schools, and I just thought, that's so
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  Speaker 3: fear and I've got so much more mothering and loving
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  Speaker 3: to do on this child. I'm not ready to hand
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  Speaker 3: her over to a stranger in like, you know. Literally
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  Speaker 3: a few years time and then randomly a friend said, well,
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  Speaker 3: what don't your homeschool like I do? You love being
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  Speaker 3: around your kids. You're not eager to get rid of them.
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  Speaker 3: They've never been to childcare or they were always in
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  Speaker 3: my care. And that set me off on a research journey,
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  Speaker 3: and here I am twelve years later. The little pressures
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  Speaker 3: that I may feel with being responsible for their education
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  Speaker 3: is still less than how I would juggle five six
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  Speaker 3: kids going to school.
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  Speaker 4: All right, A, right, So I've got to jump in
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  Speaker 4: here for a sec because there is that whole thing
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  Speaker 4: where you get six hours of piece and quiet in
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  Speaker 4: the middle of the day. I'm just putting it out there.
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  Speaker 4: As a couple, Kylie and I have toyed with homeschool
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  Speaker 4: as an option on and off for probably the last
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  Speaker 4: ten or twelve years and even I mean watching the
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  Speaker 4: show and watching what you do, we started the conversation again,
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  Speaker 4: and we've got one child in particular who we think
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  Speaker 4: would probably really benefit from having a homeschool situation. But
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  Speaker 4: what that does is that, well, one of the things
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  Speaker 4: that we're struggling with is it really interferes with the
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  Speaker 4: capacity that we have, or specifically Kylie, because unfortunately my
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  Speaker 4: work hours and the fact that I've got to provide
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  Speaker 4: for the family mean that I have to be inflexible
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  Speaker 4: and say no, if we homeschool, it actually is going
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  Speaker 4: to be ninety nine percent Kylie. Kylie kind of needs
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  Speaker 4: that six hours in the middle of the day to
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  Speaker 4: do so many other things that we value, like keeping
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  Speaker 4: the house clean, but also but also doing things that
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  Speaker 4: are really important to her. So how do you navigate
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  Speaker 4: that they juggle it all? How do you juggle it
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  Speaker 4: all because stuff's still going to happen and the kids
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  Speaker 4: are now underfoot, always.
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  Speaker 3: There, twenty four to seven. That is correct. That's where
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  Speaker 3: I say it's different in obviously in the last few
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  Speaker 3: years comparison with COVID and people doing school at home,
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  Speaker 3: Homeschooling is a way of life. So it has always
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  Speaker 3: been that for me. I've never not been without my children,
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  Speaker 3: so I've just my life has grown around them. And
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  Speaker 3: you have to be deliberate in finding those moments for
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  Speaker 3: yourself or what you need to do. But equally, that's
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  Speaker 3: where children become part of that everyday routine of housework
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  Speaker 3: and keeping the family functioning.
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  Speaker 4: Do they winge though I don't want to clean milm.
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  Speaker 4: Do you get to that point where you're like, seriously,
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  Speaker 4: I'm going to send you to school unless you start
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  Speaker 4: doing some housework.
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  Speaker 3: They're not perfect, And that is the first thing I
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  Speaker 3: always want to say, they're kids, and kids are kids
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  Speaker 3: as much as I put my hand up too, and
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  Speaker 3: I just go, yeah, I don't want to either, and
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  Speaker 3: I give myself that permission that day.
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  Speaker 1: What would you say the hardest thing about homeschooling is.
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  Speaker 3: Deb Definitely since separating and now being a single mum.
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  Speaker 3: So pre that I was you Kylie, I was a
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  Speaker 3: stay at home mum. All I had to do was
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  Speaker 3: look after the house, the children. That was pretty much it.
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  Speaker 4: Still I was going to say, you say all I
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  Speaker 4: had to do, but I know that when Kylie's away out,
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  Speaker 4: all I have to do is look after the house,
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  Speaker 4: the kids, the meals, the ironing, the washing them and
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  Speaker 4: it's like wow, like there is no especially with six kids,
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  Speaker 4: there is not enough time in the day to just
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  Speaker 4: do that stuff. So but anyway, I didn't interrupt.
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  Speaker 3: No, I agree with you, I say, I just had
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  Speaker 3: to do that because now I add the bread miner
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  Speaker 3: on top of my role. So that has been in
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  Speaker 3: the last twelve months particularly very challenging to juggle working
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  Speaker 3: out of the home. I work in the home, some
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  Speaker 3: of my businesses I run from home, and then my
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  Speaker 3: other jobs I'm working out of the home. So that
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  Speaker 3: that is definitely tough.
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  Speaker 4: After the break, we're going to find out more about
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  Speaker 4: Deb's experience on parental guidance, the big lessons learned, the
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  Speaker 4: things that the kids loved and hated about the show,
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  Speaker 4: and a couple of other little questions that we've got.
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  Speaker 4: It's the Happy Families Podcast with Justin and Kylie.
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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.
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  Speaker 5: Our Screens Creating Tension at Home, Tweens, Teens and Screens
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  Speaker 5: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe superscreen solutions.
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  Speaker 5: Bye today at happyfamilies dot com dot au slash shop.
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  Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now, and today we
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  Speaker 2: are talking with homeschooling mum deb extraordinaire.
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  Speaker 1: Unbelievable.
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  Speaker 2: What you're doing six children at home, schooling them and
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  Speaker 2: doing it alone.
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  Speaker 1: That's a really big task.
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  Speaker 4: In the show, for the most part, it looked like
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  Speaker 4: you've got it pretty well together, and even talking to
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  Speaker 4: you about it now, it sounds like, with clear intention,
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  Speaker 4: with clear focus, you really do know exactly why you're
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  Speaker 4: doing what you're doing, and it's obviously working for you.
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  Speaker 4: I'm really curious my children, our children, sorry, our children,
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  Speaker 4: Kylie and my children. As we're watching the show, they
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  Speaker 4: made a couple of comments about your family specifically, they said,
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  Speaker 4: Dep's kids really seem to get along, don't they, And
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  Speaker 4: we said, yes, can you be more like that?
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  Speaker 3: Please?
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  Speaker 4: Do they actually get along that well? Or do they
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  Speaker 4: still have their moments?
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  Speaker 3: Again, they're certainly not perfect, and we're all individuals and
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  Speaker 3: we have those days where you're tired and they're grumbly
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  Speaker 3: with each other, but we share life every day and
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  Speaker 3: still means that we can rub each other the wrong way.
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  Speaker 3: Do not get me wrong, please, total normal family. It
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  Speaker 3: is a different way of life.
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  Speaker 2: You said on the show, Dev that you felt like
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  Speaker 2: a failure when Jess was struggling to give up her screen.
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  Speaker 2: Can you take us into that a little bit more
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  Speaker 2: and what that experience was like for you.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, that was real, that moment and my toughest but
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  Speaker 3: singularly my best moment on the show. Just thinking that
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  Speaker 3: we'd had enough discussions and conversations and modeling around technology
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  Speaker 3: that it wasn't this big thing in their life or
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  Speaker 3: the most important thing that they couldn't live without was
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  Speaker 3: really confronting. To see that it was a pushback and
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  Speaker 3: to say, not even for twenty four hours, that she
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  Speaker 3: wasn't willing to negotiate that challenge. It was definitely more
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  Speaker 3: that it was thrown at them, which is obviously what
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  Speaker 3: the challenge was meant to do. But for me to
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  Speaker 3: realize truly how they connect in that way and Doctor,
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  Speaker 3: justin your comments about the three c's connection, creation and contumption,
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  Speaker 3: that really helped. Obviously we won't privy to those comments
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  Speaker 3: until the show in I heard that, but really that
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  Speaker 3: helped me understand it to another level. I suppose a
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  Speaker 3: part of my feeling like a failure was also because
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  Speaker 3: our family values are about giving everything a goat. That's
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  Speaker 3: how I've always parented them that let's not say no
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  Speaker 3: to anything that's not within the bounds of us being harmed.
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  Speaker 3: Let's just give life a goat, and if we don't
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  Speaker 3: succeed or if it's not what we like, then we know.
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  Speaker 3: But you can't make a decision or you don't know
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  Speaker 3: unless you've tried. So that was also confronting that at
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  Speaker 3: our core family value of we give everything a go
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  Speaker 3: she wasn't prepared to give it a go I did
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  Speaker 3: give her also post off camera. I gave her that
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  Speaker 3: full decision to say, Okay, you've opted into the challenge
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  Speaker 3: now because I've required you to, but you now have
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  Speaker 3: the power to opped out of the challenge. So the
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  Speaker 3: phone is there, You're welcome to go and take it
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  Speaker 3: and use it, and you don't have to participate in
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  Speaker 3: this twenty four hours. And she chose not to. She
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  Speaker 3: chose to dive in and participate, and she was successful.
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  Speaker 1: That's awesome.
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  Speaker 2: I think you know, that was probably one of the
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  Speaker 2: most real moments that we saw, and it was very raw,
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  Speaker 2: and I think one of the reasons that people have
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  Speaker 2: resonated so well with you. Deb is just that acknowledgment
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  Speaker 2: because we all have those moments where we just feel, well,
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  Speaker 2: oh yeah, we are an absolute failure. We've had the
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  Speaker 2: conversations with you know, so we've taught and instructed and
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  Speaker 2: inducted for so many years, and we find ourselves in
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  Speaker 2: this place where our kids have their own minds and
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  Speaker 2: they make their own choices, and you kind of go.
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  Speaker 1: What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong?
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  Speaker 2: So I really I really appreciated that as a mum
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  Speaker 2: sitting there kind of just going yep, I'm there with
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  Speaker 2: you and I feel that. But when you think about
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  Speaker 2: the experiences that you had as a family as a whole,
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  Speaker 2: you know, going into a show like this so national
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  Speaker 2: TV and having your parenting critiqued, how did it affect
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  Speaker 2: your family?
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  Speaker 3: See, I don't see it as brave at all. That
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  Speaker 3: is the word that's thrown at me a lot. We
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  Speaker 3: decided as a family to do this, not knowing that
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  Speaker 3: it was a competition at all. We thought it would
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  Speaker 3: be some sort of documentary style. We were aware that
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  Speaker 3: there were challenges involved, but clearly I thought they have
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  Speaker 3: to give us something to do, to create a little
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  Speaker 3: bit of entertainment.
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  Speaker 4: In fairness, we very much downplayed the competition element though
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  Speaker 4: it was never really about the competition, even the fact
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  Speaker 4: that nobody even knew that there was a holiday on
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  Speaker 4: offer until the very last day. I mean, we're really
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  Speaker 4: downplayed the competition. But anyway, I done any a truth.
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  Speaker 3: Look, we got an amazing experience. We got to do
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  Speaker 3: some challenges and different experiences that as a single mum,
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  Speaker 3: like going for fine dining. I know that wasn't shown,
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  Speaker 3: but we got to go to a fine dining restaurant
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  Speaker 3: that is not something that happens in my world. There's
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  Speaker 3: not the finances for that. Yeah, we got so much
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  Speaker 3: out of it.
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  Speaker 1: What would you say your biggest learnings were.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, definitely the moment with Jess that is going to
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  Speaker 3: create long lasting impact for the rest of the children
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  Speaker 3: coming because I just had such an understanding and empathy
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  Speaker 3: now with my teens that will be coming through if
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  Speaker 3: they're having those moments of struggling to release a little
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  Speaker 3: bit from technology. Just to understand really where she came
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  Speaker 3: from that conversation that night sitting on my bed, and
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  Speaker 3: what she shared is priceless and it wasn't captured and
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  Speaker 3: that's even what makes it even more perfect. Definitely, that
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  Speaker 3: moment is one of the biggest learning purfs I've had
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  Speaker 3: in parenting in quite a few years.
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  Speaker 4: I love it, Deb, We really appreciate you having chat
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  Speaker 4: with this. One last question from me. Have you gone
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  Speaker 4: out and bought a hard cover UbD or efodex so
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  Speaker 4: the kids can navigate you from the back seat from
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  Speaker 4: now on rather than using Google?
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  Speaker 3: I haven't, and I keep saying that I'm going to so.
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  Speaker 4: Many homeschool lessons right there. Just drive around, drive around
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  Speaker 4: the city.
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  Speaker 1: They're going to figure it out.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, that was a real highlight.
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  Speaker 5: I loved.
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  Speaker 4: I loved watching watching that activity. An absolute delight to
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  Speaker 4: be able to talk with you. Thank you for sharing
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  Speaker 4: this part of your life with us. We appreciate it
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  Speaker 4: so much.
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  Speaker 3: You're very welcome.
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  Speaker 4: It's deb Our homeschool from Parental Guidance on Channel nine
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: one's reality family TV show, The Happy Families. Podcast is
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: produced by Justin ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: our executive producer. Oh Black Friday Sale, it's on right now.
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: I just I haven't mentioned it on the podcast, but
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: I'm going to take just a couple of seconds to
• 14:15
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• 14:17
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• 14:24
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• 15:01
  Speaker 3: He