Latest / The Parenting Podcast / When the mic keeps running - unplanned chat on stress, moms, and life | Ep. 33

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When the mic keeps running - unplanned chat on stress, moms, and life | Ep. 33 · The Parenting Podcast

• 1:02
  Christie: Enjoy our kids, because this is real life.
• 1:04
  Christie: This is when you have to find the time and find a way to enjoy your kids in the midst of stressful times.
• 1:10
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 1:11
  Cheryl: Everybody, would you talk?
• 1:13
  Cheryl: Hello?
• 1:13
  Danae: I'm here.
• 1:14
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 1:15
  Cheryl: Ellen.
• 1:16
  Ellen: I can't do that.
• 1:19
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 1:19
  Cheryl: So, Allen, what were you saying?
• 1:21
  Cheryl: Cause we're talking about stress and.
• 1:23
  Cheryl: Well, she's saying what prompted that?
• 1:26
  Danae: So you were saying I'm stressed.
• 1:29
  Danae: It sounds like you have a lot of plates right now that you're spinning.
• 1:33
  Cheryl: I only have like three sticks of furniture because the house is being painted and then we're going to redo the floors and everything is in turmoil.
• 1:41
  Cheryl: I'm sleeping in my living room.
• 1:43
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 1:45
  Cheryl: Dresser drawers right in my living room.
• 1:46
  Cheryl: So everything is out of kilter.
• 1:48
  Cheryl: It's all of that.
• 1:49
  Danae: I'm just talking we're now.
• 1:51
  Danae: That's what, yeah.
• 1:52
  Danae: And so that's what we were kind of talking about.
• 1:53
  Danae: What stress is that stress is.
• 1:55
  Danae: You may have a lot going on and that you're able to actually kind of look at it and you can still function in it.
• 2:04
  Danae: The words you said, but I remember you're going to cost her out.
• 2:07
  Cheryl: What would you speak to me, Allen?
• 2:10
  Cheryl: I have so much on my plate right now and I'm trying to be healthy with it.
• 2:16
  Cheryl: I can feel it.
• 2:17
  Cheryl: I would make
• 2:18
  Ellen: a list of everything.
• 2:19
  Ellen: That's everything you can think of that you feel like you have to do.
• 2:23
  Ellen: So that's list day, and then I'd go through and go, okay, this is B and then this is C.
• 2:28
  Ellen: So then your list is reduced to really, you have three top things you want to do, like you want to help out.
• 2:35
  Ellen: With a family member and things like that's a top priority.
• 2:39
  Ellen: And when you, when you write it all down, then you start to realize, okay, yeah, I need to do that.
• 2:44
  Ellen: But this isn't, this doesn't go into two column a, this can go over into column C and then it just that act of doing that your brain goes, okay,
• 2:54
  Christie: necessity, luxuries, preferences, memorize.
• 2:58
  Christie: Then your
• 2:58
  Ellen: brain goes, okay, I can relax a little.
• 3:01
  Ellen: Because this is not this, all this stuff swirling in my head.
• 3:03
  Ellen: I've written it down.
• 3:04
  Ellen: I know that.
• 3:05
  Ellen: Okay.
• 3:05
  Ellen: Here's the three things I really know I need to do.
• 3:08
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 3:08
  Ellen: Another
• 3:09
  Christie: thing that helps me with my endurance is if I can find the date on the calendar that this season will end.
• 3:14
  Christie: If I can, you know, I used to do that on my babies.
• 3:17
  Christie: Aren't sleeping, I think.
• 3:18
  Christie: Okay.
• 3:18
  Christie: Surely by July, probably by June.
• 3:22
  Christie: And so I would just circle a day on the calendar.
• 3:24
  Christie: Then I bought like 12 weeks or 16 weeks that I would be sleeping again.
• 3:27
  Christie: And I'd think, oh, if I can just make it to this.
• 3:30
  Christie: Particularly,
• 3:30
  Cheryl: if you stay realistic about like, not my house is going to stay clean, I have four little children and by may, I have to start staying clean Ellen I'd like this because this goes back to our big rocks that we talk about all the time.
• 3:46
  Cheryl: And those
• 3:46
  Ellen: things real life hard stuff add stress to our life is legitimate stress, but then some of them are those Phantom.
• 3:54
  Ellen: Mother things we think we're supposed to be, or how we're supposed to meet everyone's need it's everything.
• 4:01
  Ellen: I mean, I think most of us as moms can relate, we really get trapped there.
• 4:05
  Ellen: And especially when real life hard stuff comes because we can't fix everything, we
• 4:11
  Cheryl: just cannot and seeing.
• 4:13
  Cheryl: And one of the big things you'll know what we've been talking about is my daughter, has been sick.
• 4:20
  Cheryl: Five-year-old three-year-old and a nine-week called who is the most adorable.
• 4:25
  Cheryl: And of course he is just the sweetest little thing, but she's has been sick And so I'm having to go over and help her as much as I can.
• 4:35
  Cheryl: And then I have all the response place that have.
• 4:38
  Cheryl: Well, you know, here and with y'all and getting your house fixed.
• 4:41
  Danae: Yeah.
• 4:42
  Cheryl: actually over there with my granddaughter.
• 4:45
  Cheryl: And I was thinking about it.
• 4:47
  Cheryl: Think about moms who are internal processors and need more processing, escape time from the constant barrage, okay.
• 4:57
  Cheryl: And the baby, there's a lot of noise just from happy life.
• 5:02
  Cheryl: And when you don't have the margin, I'm just saying, feeling empathy with a lot of our moms that we talk about when we were on the podcast.
• 5:11
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 5:12
  Cheryl: A lot of empathy for all the input that I'm feeling.
• 5:17
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 5:18
  Cheryl: And then trying to bring it down, So last night I needed to be editing this week's episode.
• 5:31
  Cheryl: And I just said, no.
• 5:33
  Cheryl: I don't need to do that.
• 5:34
  Cheryl: And I set it aside and I went out and watched the beautiful sunset.
• 5:38
  Cheryl: I don't know if y'all saw the class.
• 5:42
  Danae: Thank you, Oklahoma.
• 5:43
  Cheryl: it's called mammary glands.
• 5:45
  Cheryl: It is.
• 5:46
  Cheryl: That's what it's called.
• 5:47
  Cheryl: It's memories.
• 5:48
  Cheryl: Clouds.
• 5:49
  Cheryl: And it was.
• 5:50
  Cheryl: Uh, rare cloud formation that you only see maybe once in your life and then it's golden color.
• 5:57
  Cheryl: I just stood outside and then just swallow the beauty of the creation.
• 6:04
  Cheryl: I bet that just
• 6:05
  Danae: builds you
• 6:05
  Cheryl: up.
• 6:06
  Cheryl: It really does.
• 6:07
  Cheryl: Well, what I
• 6:07
  Danae: keep thinking about is, um, I'm a follower of a social worker.
• 6:12
  Danae: Uh, she does research Bernay brown and she does a lot of definitions of emotions and things.
• 6:18
  Danae: And she's come out with a new book and, and a new series talking about emotions and share what I hear you saying is.
• 6:25
  Danae: You're stressed and
• 6:27
  Cheryl: she talks
• 6:27
  Danae: about the difference between being stressed and being
• 6:31
  Cheryl: overwhelmed.
• 6:32
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 6:33
  Cheryl: That's really important.
• 6:34
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:35
  Cheryl: Yeah, So what does, what does Bernice said?
• 6:37
  Danae: Yeah, so Bernay yeah.
• 6:40
  Danae: Yeah.
• 6:40
  Danae: So I know we tend to say overwhelmed.
• 6:43
  Danae: Like I'm so overwhelmed when we're stressed, because you can still function and stress.
• 6:49
  Danae: So Cheryl, as you're sitting here processing with us and talking about, you know, all the plates that you're spinning, you also were able to say, I need to go outside.
• 6:59
  Danae: And get filled up by looking at these beautiful clouds, right?
• 7:03
  Danae: So you're still able to function your life may really feel out of control and my life can feel really out of control.
• 7:11
  Danae: I think we all talk about that.
• 7:12
  Danae: Um, and so sometimes that's a time when we evaluate and we say, you know, how can I make my life more manageable?
• 7:18
  Danae: But her definition of stress is you can still function.
• 7:21
  Danae: But the times when we're truly overwhelmed, Is when we cannot function anymore.
• 7:29
  Danae: We're in that fight flight.
• 7:31
  Danae: I want to run away from home.
• 7:33
  Danae: Yeah.
• 7:35
  Danae: I think I felt that way last week, you know, it's just, I want to run from all of this and that's the overwhelmed.
• 7:42
  Danae: So my kids and I, and talking about this about the difference between being stressed, which you may need to take a deep breath, go out in nature, take a walk relook at your calendar.
• 7:53
  Danae: Like Kristy was saying, like, write the things down, you know, where am I going to be able to sleep through the night?
• 7:59
  Danae: Cause my baby will be sleeping through the night, but you're still able to function that an overwhelmed.
• 8:05
  Danae: You cannot function anymore.
• 8:07
  Danae: You're starting to feel frozen.
• 8:08
  Danae: You're running, wanting to run away.
• 8:11
  Danae: Like you said, Ellen.
• 8:12
  Danae: And we were talking about, we haven't come up with it yet, but making a code word for each other, maybe like code red or something to where it's like, when you get that phone call and says, mom, Code red or friend, you know, you're saying, I, I need to be kind of rescue during this time.
• 8:32
  Danae: That is so
• 8:33
  Christie: good because I can't think of, I can think of so many times that I've talked to someone or I've been the ones sharing one way or the other and leave the conversation and they leave with, okay, well, Praying for you, I'll be thinking about you.
• 8:45
  Christie: And you're like, no, that's not what I meant.
• 8:47
  Christie: I meant I need help.
• 8:49
  Christie: I can't get through this
• 8:50
  Cheryl: by myself.
• 8:51
  Cheryl: Uh, Christie, that's just what I was thinking.
• 8:53
  Cheryl: What we're sitting here, the reason we're just sitting here talking, we're supposed to be recording, but okay.
• 8:59
  Cheryl: Well actually it's actually running, so we are recording this, but we're just talking.
• 9:03
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 9:04
  Cheryl: So to be able to say no, I don't need you just to say, oh, that's tough.
• 9:10
  Christie: I mean, bring my family dinner or they won't eat,
• 9:14
  Cheryl: but.
• 9:15
  Cheryl: Community to have at least one friend that you can say help, but you know, a lot
• 9:21
  Ellen: of times we're talking because we all have older children, but remember the days when you had little ones.
• 9:27
  Ellen: Cause I always think those for me were really hard times apps having five children, we moved so many times.
• 9:34
  Ellen: So you're always making new relationships.
• 9:37
  Ellen: You don't always feel like you can ask for help because people go.
• 9:42
  Ellen: You know, you're fine.
• 9:44
  Ellen: And.
• 9:45
  Ellen: That to me is when it's really, to me, that's when I felt like life was overwhelming, that and teenagers, but you know, having small children where you don't have the opportunity to go for a walk, you can't just put it down because you know, you kind of stopped doing something over here.
• 10:03
  Ellen: There are needs that are instant that have to be met.
• 10:07
  Ellen: And that's such a hard part of life when you have younger children elementary and under that, you know, just need immediate things right away.
• 10:16
  Ellen: And
• 10:17
  Christie: it can feel like you don't have time to build those kinds of relationships that you could call someone and say,
• 10:24
  Cheryl: it goes into that first category lifestyle.
• 10:26
  Cheryl: Of a big rock needs to be.
• 10:29
  Cheryl: I need to develop at least one place.
• 10:33
  Cheryl: And we've talked about it before, but we need a friend who will be.
• 10:38
  Cheryl: Or mom or somebody to develop that will sit with you and,
• 10:46
  Ellen: and it's, but it is so hard to, depending on your life circumstances.
• 10:50
  Ellen: I mean, a military wife, I think I've shared before we moved 19 times in 30 years.
• 10:55
  Ellen: So everywhere we went, we are making new friends um you know, You never were near family.
• 11:02
  Ellen: So your friends kind of had to be that, but your friends are in the same situation.
• 11:06
  Ellen: They always had little children.
• 11:08
  Ellen: So everybody's kind of sharing their overwhelmed ness.
• 11:12
  Ellen: I learned really early from, um, the group that I was in to seek out maybe an older woman who could be like a substitute mom.
• 11:21
  Ellen: And so, um, that helped.
• 11:24
  Ellen: Uh, having someone that I could go, how do you do this?
• 11:27
  Ellen: What do you do when this happens?
• 11:28
  Ellen: How did, what did you do when your kids were this age?
• 11:31
  Ellen: So I think that we have a lot of podcasts and we have a lot of things out there to help you learn, but you still need someone you can talk to that can give you everyday practical advice when your child is doing something for the fifth time.
• 11:45
  Ellen: And you're really feeling.
• 11:47
  Ellen: And then the other suggestion, I have this as kind of a side note, but I wish I would have had a really simple, good child development book because I never liked children,
• 11:58
  Danae: even though
• 12:03
  Ellen: I loved my kid.
• 12:05
  Ellen: And I never wanted to babysit.
• 12:07
  Ellen: I always went and got a regular job when I was like 14, you know?
• 12:10
  Ellen: And, um, because I didn't want to babysit.
• 12:13
  Ellen: And so I'd never even thought about kids.
• 12:15
  Ellen: And then I got married and I was just one of two children from a family of one or two children.
• 12:21
  Ellen: So we didn't have tons of kids around us.
• 12:23
  Ellen: So I was like, why is my child doing that?
• 12:25
  Ellen: So we can do that's normal.
• 12:27
  Ellen: It is.
• 12:28
  Ellen: Okay.
• 12:29
  Cheryl: I was talking to, well, Dr.
• 12:31
  Cheryl: Kelly Stevens, who's going to start doing interviews with us.
• 12:34
  Cheryl: That's so exciting.
• 12:35
  Cheryl: It's very exciting.
• 12:37
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 12:37
  Cheryl: But I was talking to him about this saying the child development aspect and he said, wow.
• 12:44
  Cheryl: there's sometimes too much information.
• 12:46
  Cheryl: And part of the overwhelmed us, I think a lot of young moms have because he said they're apps now.
• 12:52
  Cheryl: And so instead of understanding a little bit about development, the app says at 15 weeks, whatever that should be your child should.
• 13:03
  Cheryl: Back to front.
• 13:05
  Cheryl: And so the, the pressure on the moms, they've got the app it's 15 weeks and one day their child hasn't rolled over and they're really super stressed.
• 13:17
  Cheryl: It's a route of alarm and they make an appointment to come in.
• 13:20
  Cheryl: Right.
• 13:21
  Cheryl: You know, and I
• 13:23
  Ellen: wasn't talking about that.
• 13:24
  Ellen: I was talking about the emotional stuff.
• 13:26
  Ellen: That was hard for me.
• 13:28
  Ellen: You know, whether they walked at one or one and a half or whatever, It D that wasn't as important to me as, why are they crying now?
• 13:37
  Ellen: What have I done wrong?
• 13:39
  Ellen: Cause that's what I would think.
• 13:40
  Ellen: What didn't I understand rather than, okay, this is a normal part of early child development that are going into a next phase.
• 13:49
  Ellen: So that's where they're so frustrated here because you know, by the time, you know, my third child was there, I got, okay, they're screaming their head.
• 13:56
  Ellen: 'cause they're really mad cause they want to be able to do this next thing, but they're not able yet.
• 14:01
  Ellen: And in a week or two, they'll be able to do it in life will be a little calmer.
• 14:06
  Ellen: So those are, that's the kind of stuff that you learned from older moms and, um, maybe a good emotional child development.
• 14:15
  Danae: Yeah.
• 14:15
  Cheryl: For the mom.
• 14:17
  Cheryl: Well, like with my daughter.
• 14:20
  Cheryl: Because she's got three little ones.
• 14:22
  Cheryl: And so just exactly this and I'm over there a lot right now.
• 14:26
  Cheryl: So she was a little bit concerned about her three-year-old because she is asking a hundred million questions and that phase of why, why, why, why, why?
• 14:36
  Cheryl: Or she will look at something she knows and say, what is that?
• 14:41
  Cheryl: Uh, you know, what is that, that book?
• 14:44
  Cheryl: She, what is this?
• 14:45
  Cheryl: She knows it's a giraffe, but she's asking a lot of questions that she, some, she knows the answers reassurance maybe.
• 14:52
  Cheryl: And it's just that phase.
• 14:54
  Cheryl: She is exploring the world through questions.
• 14:59
  Cheryl: I saw my daughters, what am I doing wrong?
• 15:02
  Cheryl: You know, this is a season.
• 15:03
  Cheryl: It's just a phase that I would say the book.
• 15:06
  Cheryl: I don't know if there's one or what phases.
• 15:09
  Cheryl: It's okay.
• 15:10
  Cheryl: It's just a phase.
• 15:11
  Cheryl: But I saw exactly what you're talking about.
• 15:13
  Cheryl: Whoa.
• 15:14
  Cheryl: Her stress came way down and that opportunity to share with someone.
• 15:20
  Danae: Yes.
• 15:20
  Danae: Um, we've been talking about finding friends and, and having the people you said, you know, someone's comfort your heart, and you know, one of the.
• 15:30
  Danae: Um, one of the best things that I think I did for myself and for my kids, when I had the little ones was I had play dates, you know, we would call them play dates and the moms, and I would kind of laugh, and wink at each other because we would know this really isn't you know, because we would go to someone's house.
• 15:52
  Danae: Plop the blankets down so the kids could crawl all over and we'd kind of circle up around them.
• 15:58
  Danae: And then just normalize our feelings, normalize our children's weight, your screams to wait.
• 16:05
  Danae: You want to hide in the closet and eat chocolate too.
• 16:09
  Danae: You know, it made me not feel so alone.
• 16:13
  Danae: Some of those women.
• 16:14
  Danae: I continue to have good friendships with over the years.
• 16:17
  Danae: Some I lost touch with, but during that time it was so important to have play dates.
• 16:23
  Danae: And so look for, for moms that have children, maybe around the same ages of your children and just ask them to come home.
• 16:32
  Danae: Do you have a friend that has children and, and have you guys can start meeting in a place that's not stressful.
• 16:37
  Danae: I liked doing it and I in a home, because then it wasn't, you're at a coffee shop and you're trying to make all your kids quiet or
• 16:44
  Ellen: something.
• 16:45
  Ellen: I only have one car in your husband's got it.
• 16:50
  Ellen: You gotta have that place where everybody can meet that.
• 16:53
  Ellen: Isn't
• 16:54
  Danae: difficult.
• 16:54
  Danae: Yeah.
• 16:54
  Danae: Yeah.
• 16:55
  Danae: So that's a good place to start too.
• 16:56
  Danae: And to encourage you moms to try to find.
• 17:01
  Christie: Yeah, I did the same thing and lunchtime, my it's going to be chaotic either way.
• 17:05
  Christie: So why not add three or four more ready for nap time?
• 17:09
  Christie: One thing I would add to that is be wise in the friends you're choosing the mom friends.
• 17:16
  Christie: You're choosing tell me how well I I'm just thinking.
• 17:20
  Christie: I used to do that a lot and, um, get together with other moms, but there were times where I realized a relation.
• 17:28
  Christie: Wasn't an encouraging relationship.
• 17:30
  Christie: It came more of kind of a complaining gripe session.
• 17:34
  Christie: And I had to kind of separate some, some friends at different times.
• 17:38
  Christie: And so I would, I would just throw that in there.
• 17:40
  Christie: Yeah.
• 17:40
  Ellen: And don't compare yourself.
• 17:42
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 17:42
  Ellen: Cause I think it's.
• 17:44
  Ellen: And we do that all the time.
• 17:45
  Ellen: Anyways, regardless of what age is we are, but we have to train ourselves.
• 17:50
  Ellen: We do not compare ourselves as mom.
• 17:52
  Ellen: We may admire something that another mom does and think, oh, I'd like to incorporate that into my parenting because she handled that really well.
• 17:59
  Ellen: But to compare or be in competition with other moms with, and
• 18:04
  Christie: learn from one another.
• 18:07
  Christie: Realistic about who you are, what you're
• 18:09
  Danae: doing in your habit.
• 18:10
  Danae: It's better to compare real life relationships than just comparing on social media.
• 18:16
  Danae: Yeah.
• 18:17
  Danae: You know, cause then we see that there are a real person with real stuff.
• 18:20
  Danae: Most people they may do really well in one area, but then we see them in another area, you know, struggling and that's encouraging.
• 18:29
  Ellen: Does it ever change regardless of what age we are?
• 18:32
  Ellen: You know, some people handle things well, In one area and down in the other and strengths and weaknesses, and you know, you can't, that's being human.
• 18:42
  Cheryl: Good.
• 18:42
  Cheryl: We always talking about that ideal fantasy life is going to just, we turn that corner.
• 18:51
  Cheryl: I always want to write the, you know, book about turning the corner.
• 18:54
  Cheryl: I lost so much joy and peace in my life.
• 18:58
  Cheryl: thinking, okay, we can do this and I'm going to just turn that corner and I'm going to conquer life.
• 19:03
  Cheryl: And then it's not going to be hard, not at all in a negative way, but the reality of what my limitations and I made this way, I'm limited.
• 19:14
  Cheryl: And I know a God who's not limited.
• 19:17
  Cheryl: And absolutely.
• 19:18
  Cheryl: And the reality of accepting what you're saying, accepting my limitations and my strengths, and then finding friends, good friends.
• 19:29
  Cheryl: A real friend, like you say, not artificial distance, but to find.
• 19:37
  Cheryl: One friend.
• 19:38
  Cheryl: Yeah, exactly.
• 19:39
  Cheryl: Built you up.
• 19:41
  Cheryl: Encourages you not falsely.
• 19:43
  Ellen: You're here with me.
• 19:45
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 19:45
  Cheryl: What a gift
• 19:46
  Ellen: Um, and the kids don't remember that, you know, there was a pile of laundry or dishes, or they ate a sandwich instead of a full dinner or whatever.
• 19:55
  Ellen: I mean, kids just don't remember that.
• 19:57
  Ellen: They just remember that you were present for them when they needed you.
• 20:01
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 20:01
  Cheryl: And I think a definition of a good friend.
• 20:04
  Cheryl: Is one you're willing to be humble enough to let them come over when your house is a wreck and for them to come over.
• 20:11
  Cheryl: Cause I've done that.
• 20:12
  Cheryl: And I've had friends come in and say, I'm just going to clean your kitchen.
• 20:17
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 20:18
  Cheryl: And my problem is my pride would go, no, no, no.
• 20:21
  Cheryl: I can handle everything and clean my kitchen.
• 20:23
  Cheryl: Right.
• 20:23
  Cheryl: Oh, it always
• 20:24
  Ellen: makes me laugh because one of my daughters who has seven children will say to him, I go, Hey, I'm going to pop by.
• 20:29
  Ellen: Is that okay?
• 20:30
  Ellen: And she goes, well, it's kinda messy.
• 20:36
  Cheryl: There's seven children under flat, uh,
• 20:38
  Ellen: under 11.
• 20:39
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 20:39
  Ellen: So
• 20:40
  Christie: you worry.
• 20:42
  Christie: One is going on over here that it's so tiny with seven.
• 20:47
  Danae: That's funny.
• 20:47
  Danae: Like, well,
• 20:48
  Ellen: honey, it's, you've lived with
• 20:50
  Danae: me.
• 20:50
  Danae: We've had four, but
• 20:55
  Cheryl: my goodness.
• 20:56
  Cheryl: So this started out as just a conversation ongoing, which we have all the time and the.
• 21:04
  Cheryl: It's ended up being recorded.
• 21:06
  Cheryl: So mom, this may be a different kind of an episode that just started flowing.
• 21:11
  Cheryl: And then we kind of realized we were recording and wanted to say some things to your listeners.
• 21:16
  Cheryl: Anything else you want to happen to this?
• 21:18
  Ellen: Plan breaks for yourself as a mom.
• 21:21
  Ellen: You know, if you can, you know, some of you are single moms, some of you have a lot of obligations, but even if you can say one hour a week, I'm going to just do this for myself.
• 21:33
  Ellen: And I don't mean go shopping or anything like that, but it may be.
• 21:36
  Ellen: Cheryl talked about, go for a walk or whatever, and see if you can work that out.
• 21:40
  Ellen: So, you know, you have a plan.
• 21:42
  Ellen: I know when I was young, that's when, um, mother's day out, started to be trending.
• 21:47
  Ellen: And that was like such an amazing thing.
• 21:50
  Ellen: Once a week or once a month, I could have somebody take care of my little children and they were having fun.
• 21:58
  Ellen: I could sometimes I didn't even know what to do.
• 22:00
  Ellen: And I used to go home and clean until my girlfriend said, what are you doing?
• 22:04
  Ellen: Go have fun.
• 22:05
  Ellen: Oh yeah, I guess, cause it was nice to clean when nobody was there.
• 22:09
  Christie: I had a friend texted me yesterday and she knew I've had a crazy hectic few months and lots of different things and things are starting to calm down and, and um, she said, I want to hear three things you're doing this week of, of good, healthy self care.
• 22:25
  Christie: It's fun.
• 22:26
  Christie: Yeah, it was a good friend and I responded, I was not a good, um, good recipient of that.
• 22:31
  Christie: I responded with all these productive things I was going to do this week and she responded, Nope, I don't like it.
• 22:37
  Christie: I need to hear things like enjoy nature it, a pedicure, you know, go on a date with your husband.
• 22:43
  Christie: I need to hear those types of things.
• 22:44
  Christie: And I, it was hard for me because I wanted to.
• 22:47
  Christie: Pick up my pieces and move forward, but I love what you're saying, Alan, about those, those things are what help you be able to go the distance.
• 22:56
  Christie: And
• 22:56
  Ellen: even as an older woman, I still have responsibilities, not on the same level, but I do put aside this.
• 23:03
  Ellen: What I'm going to do specifically for me, you know, I'm still, I'm busy, but not like I was when I was a young mom, but still, we all need a little bit of time just to think,
• 23:14
  Christie: and we don't want to be overindulgent with those things, but they are needed.
• 23:17
  Christie: Yeah.
• 23:19
  Ellen: I just used to run away to the movies.
• 23:21
  Ellen: I told my husband, I w I can't take any more.
• 23:23
  Ellen: I'm going to the It was so weird, but it was like, oh, this was so much fun.
• 23:30
  Ellen: I'm sitting alone in the theater.
• 23:32
  Ellen: I don't even know what I'm watching.
• 23:33
  Ellen: I'm
• 23:33
  Christie: just happy.
• 23:34
  Christie: I don't have to take anything out of the
• 23:35
  Ellen: bathroom.
• 23:36
  Ellen: I could just sit here for two hours in the.
• 23:39
  Ellen: Being entertained to me that was now other people might think that's fun, but I loved it.
• 23:45
  Ellen: It was
• 23:45
  Cheryl: like, huh.
• 23:45
  Cheryl: Ah, uh, see I was bad.
• 23:48
  Cheryl: I didn't do that very much.
• 23:50
  Cheryl: So.
• 23:54
  Ellen: I only did that when I was desperate.
• 23:56
  Ellen: It was usually here's the carrots.
• 23:57
  Ellen: I'm going to the movies
• 23:58
  Christie: I running black.
• 23:59
  Christie: I'm not good at it either.
• 24:00
  Christie: I felt like being the martyr was being the better parent.
• 24:04
  Christie: Yeah,
• 24:04
  Danae: that's it.
• 24:05
  Danae: Well, that's how we move from stress to being overwhelmed.
• 24:08
  Danae: Right.
• 24:09
  Danae: Stresses when we're having a hard time, but maybe we can make a plan at that moment too, to know what we need.
• 24:17
  Danae: And if we don't do that and don't do that, do that, then.
• 24:21
  Danae: Then we get overwhelmed.
• 24:22
  Cheryl: Y'all are amazing.
• 24:24
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 24:25
  Cheryl: Moms, we just bring this real conversation to you.
• 24:30
  Cheryl: And hope it's encouraging to you.
• 24:33
  Cheryl: Um, it was a spontaneous conversation.
• 24:37
  Cheryl: So remember moms, listen to what we're saying, get yourself space and margin and health and friendships.
• 24:45
  Cheryl: So you can hang in there.
• 24:49
  Cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.