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[Book of Tales 02] The Courage to Be Disliked & The Instagram Trap · Whereabouts Tales | Stories of Belonging and Immigrant Experiences

• 0:00
  In episode 60 of What About Stills?
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  Card dropped a warning about global travelling.
• 0:05
  That got me thinking. He said this.
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  If I open Instagram or something, I see all these
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  wheels of people like travelling, It looks amazing.
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  Like it it, it looks nice. But I think a lot of people have
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  their dream of travelling, but it's not their own dream, but
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  it's someone else's dream. And do you think like, oh, I
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  have to go out travelling, I have to save up for this or
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  whatever, even though it's actually not, not for them and
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  it's not their not their dream. So I think it becomes harder not
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  to live someone else's dream because someone else's dream
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  looks very nice on like on social media.
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  That becomes really, really hard.
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  I'm Paul and welcome to chapter 2 of the Book of Tales.
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  Listening to Carl talk about the Instagram trap, this obsession
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  with living for the validation of other people trigger memory
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  of a book that I recently read. It's a massive global bestseller
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  called The Courage to Be Disliked.
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  It's based on the theories of Alfred Adler.
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  Adel was a theologist who stood right next to Freud, but his
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  ideas were more radical. And honestly, applying adlib
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  zeology to your daily life will solve almost every awkward,
• 1:18
  exhaustive situation you find yourself in.
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  Let me show you what I mean. Lesson 1, trauma is an excuse is
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  a teleology versus ideology theory.
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  The first lessons is Adler most controversial point.
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  He argues that trauma doesn't exist.
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  Now before you click away, let me explain.
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  Freud said your best dictates your present.
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  I have social anxiety at parties because people made fun of me in
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  high school. Adler said no.
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  Adler said your present actions are driven by your current goals
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  and you just manufacture emotions to achieve them.
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  For example, you aren't avoiding the gym today because you had a
• 2:00
  traumatic experience on a treadmill in 2015.
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  You are manufacturing that exciting right now because your
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  actual current goal is to stay on the couch and watch Season 5
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  of Big Bang Theory. You are using the memory of the
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  gym as a bodyguard to protect your pizza.
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  So Adler says stop blaming the pest.
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  Own your actual goal. Lesson 2, The separation of
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  tasks. The second lesson is the
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  ultimate life hack for dealing with other people.
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  It's called the separation of task.
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  Adler says all human suffering comes from either intruding on
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  someone else's task or letting them intrude on yours.
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  Let's say it's 5:00 PM on a Friday.
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  Your work is done, but your boss and three Co workers are still
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  sitting at the desk pretending to look busy.
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  Seen that already, right? Your task would be go home and
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  enjoy your weekend. Their task to secretly judge you
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  for living on time. If you sit back down in your
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  desk and open a blank spreadsheet just as so that your
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  boss doesn't think you're lazy, you have failed the separation
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  of task. You're trying to manage their
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  emotions. Let them be met.
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  It is written in none of your business.
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  Lessons 3 The true definition of freedom.
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  Which brings us to the final lesson, the title of the book.
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  What does it actually mean to be free?
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  We think freedom is living in a van in Bali or having $1,000,000
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  other rights. Freedom is being disliked by
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  other people. True freedom isn't climbing a
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  mountain. True freedom is having the
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  courage to leave a massive WhatsApp group chat without
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  saying goodbye. True freedom is telling your Co
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  worker no I don't want to chip in $15.00 for a birthday cake
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  for a guy in accounting I've never met.
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  If nobody dislikes you, it means you are conducting yourself into
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  oppressor to keep everyone happy.
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  To truly live your own life, you have to be completely OK with
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  Karen from HR thinking you're a little bit rude.
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  If you are exhausted from trying to manage everyone's else's
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  opinions about you, this book is your way out.
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  I put a link to The Courage of Being Disliked in the show notes
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  below. It is the newest entry in our
• 4:10
  whereabouts reading list. Next week we are back on the
• 4:13
  road with a brand new guest hit. Subscribe so you don't miss it.
• 4:17
  I'm Paul. This is whereabouts media
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  production. Separate your task this week and
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  go be a little dislike. I'll see you next time.