Latest / Chatting with The Experts with Paula Okonneh / Relax and Refocus: A Transformational Retreat for Black Women

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Relax and Refocus: A Transformational Retreat for Black Women · Chatting with The Experts with Paula Okonneh

• 0:02
  Hello, everyone.
• 0:03
  And welcome to another episode of Chatting with the Experts TV show hosted
• 0:09
  by me, Paula Okonneh, where I bring to you amazing women from Africa, from
• 0:16
  the Caribbean, and in the diaspora.
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  The mission of this show is to inspire, to empower, and educate women globally.
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  And that's why I do this every week with 99 percent women and 1%, sometimes
• 0:34
  I have men on, so that's the 1%.
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  Every week I have a special topic, but what topic this week is different.
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  We are going to be talking about how to relax, reflect, reset, and refocus.
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  And with me to do that will be three inspirational women.
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  We'll be talking about leadership retreats for black women in Ghana.
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  The first person to join me today to do that will be Celestine.
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  Celestine.
• 1:11
  Hello, Paula.
• 1:13
  Welcome to the show.
• 1:15
  Thank you.
• 1:17
  Next will be Mary Oluonye.
• 1:25
  We're waiting for her to join us.
• 1:27
  Hello, Mary.
• 1:28
  Hello, paula.
• 1:30
  Nice to be here.
• 1:32
  Thanks for joining us.
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  And last but not least will be Miss Tesse.
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  Tesse Akpeki.
• 1:39
  Tesse?
• 1:41
  Hello Paula.
• 1:43
  Hi.
• 1:44
  Let's see.
• 1:45
  Tesse's about to start her computer or start her video.
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  There we go.
• 1:51
  Hi.
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  As I said, we have three amazing, I'm including myself, so four
• 1:59
  amazing women talking to you about destination retreats in Ghana.
• 2:06
  Why destination retreats in Ghana?
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  I'll first of all let Mary lead this because she was the one who came up
• 2:13
  with the idea and she'll tell you why.
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  Thank you Paula.
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  I'll tell you how this came about.
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  One day in January, I think it was this year, I was on LinkedIn because you
• 2:29
  know I do some writing and sometimes I post on LinkedIn and I was just
• 2:35
  going through my usual rolling through and then I saw this beautiful picture
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  of this woman, this beautiful woman.
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  And she has such a beautiful smile, the type of smile that
• 2:48
  makes you want to smile back.
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  So I said what's this lady up to?
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  What's this about?
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  And then I read their post, and it was one of the saddest things I'd ever read.
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  Because this woman, her name was Antoinette, and they called
• 3:05
  her Bonnie, Pandia Bailey.
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  And she was, had been a vice president of student affairs at
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  Lincoln University in Missouri.
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  Anyway, it turned out that she had experienced what she alleged to be a
• 3:22
  lot of bullying and harassment at work.
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  And she wasn't being listened to.
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  She didn't feel like she was listened to, and she appealed to human resources.
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  She talked to the president of the university, but she got dismissed.
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  She was frustrated and depressed and angry.
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  And in the end, she wrote a letter on January 8th to the the president.
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  And then she took her own life, and it was so sad, because she looked
• 3:53
  so beautiful, her face was so happy, hopeful, and the smile sticks with
• 4:00
  me still, but that wasn't all.
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  Then I started reading all the comments, and it was an endless scroll.
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  You'd read woman after woman after woman expressing, their sorrow.
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  They were grieving for this woman.
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  It hit them hard, too.
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  And a lot of them had gone through exactly the same kind of feelings
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  at work, workplace hostility, not being listening to disparity
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  in treatment, all those things.
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  It happens to women in higher education.
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  It happens in other leadership roles in other types of corporations.
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  But what amazed me was just the number of people with exactly the same thing.
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  And women in general face this.
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  Women of color in particular, and most particularly black women, and it really
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  upset me and I remember reaching out to different women I know, and, sharing
• 5:02
  with them how I felt about this, and you, Paula, you're one of those people.
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  And so there's another one, and I sent the article to you, and pictures, and the
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  comments, and I asked you what can we do?
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  We felt like I just want to take care of these women, because at my age now,
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  these women who are going through this, I look at them as sisters, I look at
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  them as daughters, I look at them as nieces, and I wanted to do something.
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  So then, you and I talked Celestine talked, Tesse
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  talked, and an idea was born.
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  How can we help?
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  And so the retreat started there.
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  I'll let you all continue on with that.
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  That was the idea.
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  For those of you listening I'm sorry, but I didn't introduce Mary.
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  Do you mind introducing yourself so that people will know who you are?
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  I'm sorry about that.
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  I'm just touched by this whole story that, I asked you to go straight into
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  this without letting you introduce yourself for just one second.
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  Just even if it's say who you are.
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  I'm Mary.
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  Oh, no problem.
• 6:22
  I'm Mary.
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  Mary Oluonye.
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  I'm a travel consultant, one of the co-owners of Celmar Travel and Tours, U.
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  S.
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  A.
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  I'm based in the USA and I work with Thelma in Ghana to design tours,
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  custom design tours for people.
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  We do destination management in Ghana.
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  Some a little bit in Nigeria as well.
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  So anything that needs to be done in Ghana, we can take care of it.
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  We conclude in taking care of our women, I might add.
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  I'm also a writer.
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  And I help especially marginalized writers and underrepresented writers improve their
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  writings and edit to help them produce books that are their dreams of writing.
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  So that's what I do in a nutshell.
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  Thank you.
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  Thank you so much.
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  You're welcome.
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  Welcome.
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  Yeah, I'm still, talking about that still, it's touched my heart,
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  but I'll go next to Celestine.
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  Tell us a little bit about yourself and why did you decide
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  to join us on the show today?
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  Thank you, Paula.
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  My name is Celestine Afatsawo.
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  I'm in Ghana.
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  I'm also a co founder and director of Celmar Travel and Tours.
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  I work with Mary most of the time with the ground handling.
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  I do the coordinating of most of our tours in Ghana.
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  Also the director of Celmar Travel and Tour, the office in Ghana.
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  I work also with for Celvic Agro Consulting . We work
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  with farmer groups, women.
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  We train women on farming and help them to establish themselves.
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  Okay.
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  Thank you so much.
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  Yeah.
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  My profession actually is, I'm an accountant.
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  I worked for some time and I retired and we found a Celmar Travel and Tours and
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  for now we're working with ourselves.
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  Oh, yes.
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  Thank you.
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  So that's about me.
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  I am a family woman.
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  I have four kids.
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  Three boys, one girl.
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  Thank you.
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  Thank you so much for telling us the connection between you and Mary.
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  And last but not least, again, is Tesse.
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  Tesse, tell us about how you came involved, you became involved
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  with this retreat, please.
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  Yeah.
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  Hi everyone.
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  I'm Tesse Akpeki.
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  I live in the United Kingdom.
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  I'm based in Wembley in England, and I am a leadership strategist
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  and a governance expert.
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  And last year, I was voted the Champion for Governance for the
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  United Kingdom and Republic of Ireland, and also made a master coach
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  for the Association for Coaching.
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  Very passionate about storytelling.
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  Very passionate about women's empowerment and absolutely focused on people
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  having the freedom to be their best selves in whatever situations they are.
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  Paula, you contacted me.
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  And told me of Mary's passion.
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  Based really or stoked by the sad story that Mary has shared and
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  you invited me to be involved.
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  And it was a very easy yes, actually, because, no one should be in a
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  situation where they think the only way out is to take their own lives.
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  And for me, I just felt that there was something which was beyond just surviving.
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  There's something to be looked forward to in thriving and
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  flourishing wherever people are.
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  All right.
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  Got you.
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  Yeah.
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  So we're all here to talk about reflecting,
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  resetting, restoration, wellness in the leadership conference and retreat.
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  Let's talk about that.
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  With what we've heard, how can we reflect, reset and restore in this conference
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  that we are planning in January?
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  Tesse, I'll throw that question out to you.
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  I love the four Rs, but what it means is that each time we go into a register,
• 10:45
  like if we're resetting, we actually say, what does the reset look like here?
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  If we're relaxing, what does it mean to relax in this situation?
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  If we are repairing, restoring, what does that look like?
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  So the main thing here is that the encouragement invitation is for women
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  to leave behind, wherever they're coming from, to leave behind what is heavy, what
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  is not working, what is not serving and have and come with an open mindset to say,
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  okay, what can we be, do or feel instead?
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  And what we hope to do is that by holding that space, by hosting
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  that space, which is, a different kind of space of possibility.
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  Women will be able, will be freed up to see what can replace where they
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  are, or if they're in that place, what can keep them in that place?
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  Because some people would have probably arrived at somewhere where
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  they're quite content, but there's something about sustainability.
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  So having reached where we are, how do we stay here?
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  And even better, if we can get to the next stage.
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  I love that.
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  With that being said, I'm going to throw out the question to Mary and Celestine
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  to say, so why did we choose Ghana?
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  What's special about that location?
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  Why Ghana?
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  Why not Nigeria?
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  Why not Kenya?
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  Why not South Africa?
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  Celestine, do you want to go first?
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  Okay,
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  why Ghana?
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  Ghana is a most hospitable country, I visited Ghana, maybe about when I
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  first came was maybe seven years ago
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  Yeah.
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  Or so.
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  And, I went there and I wasn't sure what to expect.
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  And by the time I left, the first time I only stayed a few, what is
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  it, like about seven days, 10 days.
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  And when it was time to leave, I realized, you know what?
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  I'm coming back here.
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  The immigration official told me on my way out, madam, did you have a good time here?
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  I said yes.
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  So what did you like about it?
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  What I really liked about Ghana was the people.
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  The people are so hospitable, so welcoming, so courteous.
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  Not only is that beautiful,
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  but it's a lovely place to just get away, relax.
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  If you love beaches, they got beaches.
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  If you love mountains, they have mountains.
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  If you love lakes, they have lakes.
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  If you like, what else is there?
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  Forests, they have forests.
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  And it's just a beautiful country, and it's peaceful.
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  What more do you want?
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  It's just a very lovely country in West Africa, if you want to and it's welcoming
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  and not only that there's a strong connection between people in the diaspora.
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  They have a connection to Ghana because Ghana has welcomed people of African
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  descent, no matter where they are in the world, to come home to Ghana.
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  If that's what they want to.
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  That's what's lovely about Ghana.
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  What do you think, Celestine?
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  Yes.
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  You've said it all.
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  And also Ghana is a peaceful place to come and actually reflect and relax and
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  get away from a lot of things in your environment that is getting off your life.
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  So Ghana gives you a deep reflection of who you are, that
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  you can find where you are.
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  And Ghana opens to our black people in the diaspora to come home and feel at home.
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  And we feel bringing people from the level of leadership retreat type we want
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  to do to Ghana will give them that peace.
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  So this will suit the theme of the retreat: reflect, relax, and refocus.
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  We feel Ghana has all the environment, the culture, the tradition, and
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  the property to give that theme that we chose for the retreat.
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  So we chose Ghana for all these reasons and we hope it's going to be very good.
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  Yes, I'm sure it's going to be very good because there's one thing that,
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  that we talked a lot about and that's restoration especially, as we said in,
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  in this particular case where this woman didn't feel that she could be restored.
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  And I know that's something that Tesse, you are very passionate
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  about, wellness and resilience.
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  And, when you think about restoration, you think about resilience, at least
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  I do, and, wellness, of course.
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  In January, during the retreat, can't speak today.
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  How do you think that you'll be able to show people how they can
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  restored in one way or the other.
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  You don't need to go into depth, but I know that's a passion of yours.
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  Yeah.
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  And thank you.
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  That's a wonderful question.
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  And I'm glad that you said wellness and also wellbeing, which are two different,
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  similar, but very different things.
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  And people keep on talking about wellbeing and that is how can we keep well, but
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  wellness are the practices, or the habits, or the pathways to remain well, so well
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  being and wellness are complementary.
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  And how we hope to do this is to actually help people who come on this
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  retreat to focus on what is good, what is strong, what is worthwhile, and
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  to celebrate what they're good at.
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  And also to recognize that no one is alone.
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  Sometimes the situations where people take their own lives, sometimes it's
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  because they think that's the only option.
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  Sometimes they think that the only one, but actually knowing that it's
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  okay, not to be okay, knowing that we can have a really good, healthy
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  support system and knowing that the things that we're doing that are good
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  and strong and right is very helpful.
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  And we hope to create a container whereby people will be able to do that.
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  There was something I read today as we were preparing for this show, and
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  it says, your work is not your worth.
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  I repeat that.
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  Your work is not your worth.
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  And sometimes in a very pressurized situation, and when we are burnt out, we
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  actually think that our work and our worth are one and the same and they're not.
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  So hopefully we'll be able to enable and empower the women coming on the retreat to
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  separate out their worth from their work.
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  I love that.
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  Your worth is not your work, and your work is not your worth.
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  Absolutely.
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  Yes.
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  Knowing that there is a plan, there is a purpose for each one of us,
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  and we have something to fulfill.
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  And just knowing that, No one can be you.
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  You are unique, you're special, and everyone needs something that you, or
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  somebody needs something that you uniquely bring to the table, so you are special.
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  Ties up with, not getting your worth from your work, but knowing that
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  just being there, you're special, just being around, you're special.
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  Something that I wanted to ask too, and I'm, we, because I'm part of this.
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  We chose January of 2025 to have this retreat.
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  But for me, there was something special about January.
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  It meant, new, fresh beginnings, new beginning.
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  2024 is out, 2025 is in, and there's so much you can start
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  doing afresh in January.
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  I know that was one of the reasons I liked January.
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  But is there anything, and I'm throwing this out now to the tour operators, is
• 19:31
  there anything specific about January that anyone coming to the retreat
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  would be able to enjoy or see or experience in Ghana, in addition to the
• 19:40
  restoration that Tesse just spoke about?
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  Oh, this is Mary here.
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  The thing about Ghana, anytime you go, it's nice.
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  It's good.
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  That's just the way it is.
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  We, January is great because, you've left the hustle and bustle
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  and the busyness of the holidays.
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  You've gotten through that.
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  You're starting, like you say, afresh in January, and it's a good time.
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  It's like a little bit of a downtime in Ghana, the tourists season.
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  You've gotten past the holiday season and the peak season is not yet coming
• 20:19
  until maybe more like May, June.
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  So it's a time of peace.
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  It's a time where you can just take a break.
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  Reset.
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  This is relaxed.
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  No major crowds around.
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  It's not a high tourist season.
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  So it's a quiet time.
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  And these are the women we want to have a quiet time after all the rush
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  of the holidays, the stress of work.
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  It's a good time to reset.
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  It's a time to reflect and say, are we going to stay where we are
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  or we're going to change things?
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  This is now you can reset your thinking, your mindset.
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  So it's a peaceful time amidst beautiful surroundings.
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  You can still see a lot.
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  In terms of the season, it's a little bit dry.
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  So it's not rainy season.
• 21:14
  I don't think it's rainy season.
• 21:16
  Celestine, am I correct?
• 21:18
  Yeah, it's not a rainy season.
• 21:22
  Okay, so even though you can come and visit a rainy season too, because it
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  just rained some parts of the day and not other times of the day, but it's pretty
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  dry, so it's a good time to come visit.
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  But like I say, with Ghana, any time is good.
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  Ghana, believe it or not, we've almost been talking for 30 minutes, but one
• 21:43
  thing I did want to point out is that today we are in different parts of the
• 21:47
  world, and the person who's in Ghana right now as we talk is Celestine.
• 21:55
  So Celestine, I'm gonna throw this question in particular to you.
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  What are the highlights that anyone who joins us this January,
• 22:02
  this coming January, will be able to experience in Ghana?
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  Ghana, that's your home.
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  Ghana, that's your birthplace.
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  Ghana, that's your heritage.
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  What would you tell them?
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  Wow.
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  Ghana, there are a lot of things that you experience, and there are so many
• 22:21
  ways you could enjoy yourself in Ghana.
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  If you like music, you enjoy it in Ghana.
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  You like dancing, you like to have nights out, and if you like to be by
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  yourself at the beach, Yeah, and you would like to experience the people,
• 22:44
  their daily life as a way of making it possible for you to experience people.
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  You can have a chance to visit people in their homes, stay with them and experience
• 22:56
  their daily life and you like it.
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  You have chance to, see people going about their livelihood.
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  Life on the streets, selling, a lot of things, culture, engagement with people,
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  you don't have to fear anything, just relax, you can be on yourself alone,
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  without a guide, without misleading the tour operator, you can just be
• 23:19
  on the streets to observe yourself, you have freedom to ask questions.
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  Anyone, we, the people are good, in that way, people are good.
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  Anyone that see that, so you look a bit like a foreigner, will
• 23:34
  stop, would like to help you.
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  You see someone, you're working, the person realize you're getting like,
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  you are nervous, or maybe you are, you don't know exactly what to do.
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  You will see this kind person coming there to you and say, can I help you?
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  So you won't fear, you won't be worried, to come to Ghana anytime
• 23:56
  to experience, a good time.
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  It's a good place to come and relax.
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  Come and you will enjoy it.
• 24:07
  Yes.
• 24:08
  Can I add one thing too?
• 24:10
  Sure.
• 24:10
  Yes.
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  You can also have a good chance to reflect, too, on your ancestors, because,
• 24:18
  due to the transatlantic slave trade, Ghana played an infamous role, but
• 24:25
  they have some of the well-preserved slave castles and dungeons in Ghana.
• 24:34
  Often, many People from the diaspora like to come in and reflect on what
• 24:39
  their ancestors went through and the resilience and strength of those
• 24:45
  captured Africans that were taken to the Americas, and their strength
• 24:51
  and how they survived such horrors.
• 24:54
  And it adds to a sense of who you are and what your people have gone through
• 25:01
  and the strength of black people.
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  So that's another very good point of reflection in Ghana.
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  And of course, the people who come will experience that too.
• 25:17
  Yeah.
• 25:19
  More like coming back to the roots.
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  Coming back to the roots.
• 25:24
  And that's very important, especially as you said, this
• 25:27
  is a destination and leadership retreat for black women, ladies.
• 25:34
  So again, we come back to Miss Tesse, last but not least, what would be your
• 25:39
  parting words to anyone who joins us this January 2025 at this leadership,
• 25:46
  but reflective retreat that we are going to be having for black women.
• 25:52
  When I think of Ghana, I think of a country that is blessed with
• 25:58
  gold, golden memories, golden experiences, golden beginnings.
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  And what I'd like to reflect on as we leave is an invitation for
• 26:11
  women to invest in themselves.
• 26:14
  So that they can embrace that gold, the golden future, the golden
• 26:20
  presence, and then let go of the past through the golden release.
• 26:27
  So this is something that I'm sure will change lives.
• 26:31
  Because it's something that is going to lead to better and to best.
• 26:38
  Oh, I love that.
• 26:40
  Something that is going to lead to better and to best.
• 26:44
  And with that, we're going to open up the floor to those of you who have
• 26:48
  joined us today, who have questions.
• 26:50
  Questions for all four of us, whether it's me, the host, and how come I'm
• 26:54
  connected with these dynamic women, or Celestine, who is in Ghana, and we
• 27:01
  can say is the Ghana expert, to Mary, who's the author, we mentioned author,
• 27:05
  we didn't, but you can ask her about that, why she has written children's
• 27:09
  book for black children, and also she is part of the co-owner of Celmar Tours.
• 27:17
  And of course, Tesse Akpeki, who is our wellness, in addition to all so
• 27:27
  many other qualifications, but she is our wellness and resilience expert.
• 27:32
  So the floor is now open to all of you to ask any one of us questions
• 27:37
  on why January 2025 would be a good time to come to Ghana and reflect.
• 27:45
  I want to make sure I get it right.
• 27:47
  You guys fill in for me.
• 27:48
  Reflect.
• 27:49
  Restore.
• 27:51
  Reset.
• 27:53
  Reset.
• 27:53
  Refocus.
• 27:54
  Refocus.
• 27:57
  And restore, yes.
• 28:00
  Thank you.
• 28:01
  Thank you everyone for joining us today.
• 28:04
  And the floor is now open to all of you to ask each and every one of us
• 28:10
  here a question or questions about why this leadership conference,
• 28:18
  retreat and spa would be one of the best things you've ever experienced.
• 28:24
  Thank you.