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Separation Without War: Creative Co-Parenting & Spiritual Growth Through Change · Eye Opener Society

0:02
Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Eye Opener Society.
0:06
My name is Gary Dean, and I want to start this show off a little bit different.
0:10
But first, I want to definitely give a shout out to our dear friends,
0:13
Appalachian Rootworks, Rooted in Ruins.
0:16
Please visit their website, appalachianrootworks.com.
0:20
Everything they have in that shop is fantastic. And what a selection they got.
0:25
And if they don't have it, they will get it.
0:27
But the services offered and the practitioners that are involved,
0:31
all top-notch, and they do such great work. They're very connected spiritually.
0:38
So if you're in Cynthia and Kentucky, I drive eight hours to go visit them.
0:43
You should too. But if you don't have time, money, or gas, check out the website,
0:48
AppalachianRootWorks.com, and they'll be able to help you out with whatever you got.
0:53
Now, this episode here, And if you're wondering why we're wearing the same clothes
0:58
from last week's episode, it's because we're doing back-to-back episodes, so mind your business.
1:05
So, I want to try and convey my message before we get deep into this.
1:12
This is important because spiritually, and the fact that we have a church,
1:17
we're always trying to find ways that help out the collective.
1:23
Sometimes you need to think outside of the box the one person who does that the most,
1:31
is our co-creator lizzie but she
1:35
done something recently and she's going to share this and it's very personal
1:40
too because not a lot of people just go on you know a podcast and you know tell
1:45
the whole world about you know all their little personal at home situations
1:48
but however this is really important
1:50
because I brought it up to her on a personal level the other day.
1:55
I'm thinking what she's doing is,
1:59
is absolutely brilliant because it solves so many problems all in one thing.
2:09
I'm going to let Lizzie explain everything this way because it's personal and
2:13
I'd rather have her tell it, but we're going to get into a whole discussion as to why this should be.
2:21
And again, might not be for everybody. And there's certain situations where
2:25
we will definitely say this should not be done. But However.
2:30
Lizzie knows how I feel about this this this is really just
2:33
like it just occurred to me one day you know I know what she was doing I know
2:37
what was going on but then one day it just hit me I said wow this this this
2:40
is freaking it's amazing it really does it solves so many problems because there's
2:46
a lot of things I'm going on with you know within my little family nucleus too as well.
2:52
And I see the opposite side of it and it's disgusting and it's so low vibrational
2:58
but what Lizzie's doing, just raised everything up.
3:02
And I think if certain people within my nucleus done things this way,
3:08
although it probably won't because this is the one situation it shouldn't,
3:11
but thinking outside the box, this absolutely works.
3:15
So Lizzie, you already know all my take on this, but Lizzie,
3:20
just go ahead, break it down for us and let us know what's going on.
3:24
Okay let me see if I can back up just
3:26
a little bit so um in some of
3:29
our previous episodes I talked about how me and my husband had
3:32
split up and um that I was obviously very sad about it but I was just trying
3:37
to learn how to love him from this new perspective because that's that's my
3:43
thing I just you know want to love people and he's beautiful so that's easy
3:47
but you know um Obviously, in breakups,
3:51
they're messy and it was hard and we didn't always have agreements on how things were supposed to go.
3:57
We've got a little baby together that's hard to work out.
4:00
But we just kept trying and we kept meeting each other where the other person
4:06
was at. If, you know, if I didn't want to do something, then we figured something
4:10
else out that meant both of our things.
4:11
If you didn't want to do something, we didn't do that. We figured something.
4:15
Basically, we ended up landing into a place where in order for everything to
4:20
work out for the best for everybody, um.
4:25
He's renting the room from us, kind of like, how do I explain it?
4:32
Okay, so we changed this 40 different times already, okay?
4:37
Because that's just like how I work now, apparently.
4:41
It started with the idea because he just wants to be around us and we want to be around him.
4:48
And we can't, it was just so complicated. And, you know, I talked about in the
4:53
last episode, you know, how tight everything is. Now we're going to go do two households.
4:59
You know what I mean? Like that's illogical, you know, and then it sucks when
5:03
adults are arguing and like kids don't get that. You know what I mean?
5:08
So in the start of it, we decide we're going to borrow Zayla's room.
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We're going to rent that out from her for $200.
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She's going to come in my master bedroom with the baby. And and then and he'll have that space.
5:22
We'll individually work on ourselves, each other, love in whatever capacity
5:28
perspective comes from that.
5:29
But as we keep moving through it and just kind of figuring out where everybody's
5:33
at, because everybody in the household has to be met in their capacity and what
5:38
they're wanting and be heard and all the things.
5:42
Well, my 11-year-old obviously started thinking maybe sharing a room with her mom kind of sucks.
5:48
Maybe she doesn't want to commit to that for three to six months while we all
5:52
figure out how to just like love each other better, you know?
5:55
And so I'm like, valid, valid. And she does love to sleep in the living room.
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She just kind of always has. And so I'm like, okay, sure, you could have the
6:02
living room for like six months.
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But then when I'm really thinking about it I'm like she's
6:07
11 like she needs privacy like this is this
6:10
is people in her space all the time and she's gonna
6:13
feel pushed out a little bit even
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if she's getting 200 a month you know like being
6:20
in the living room is a thing for a lot of people and so
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then I started thinking about it and I was like actually if I
6:26
was in the living room all the stuff would be
6:29
right in my way which means I'd have to clean it which
6:31
is like my dream right now and actually it works
6:34
out really well because I'm the only one in the household that
6:38
I mean I'm the mom so if I'm naked in
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a room like people just you know what I mean I don't
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know if people maybe aren't the naked mom I'm a naked mom you know
6:47
not to be weird but like if I forgot a towel in the dryer
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I can go grab one you know but I'm the only one
6:53
in the household that can do that and I'm also
6:56
the person in the household where everybody tends to gravitate around
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me everybody's in my bedroom all the time nobody comes
7:02
in the living room it's like wasted space it's just
7:05
where we store our craft stuff you know what I mean and so
7:09
by moving myself into the
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living room giving Zayla the big.
7:15
Room made into big there's a
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bunch of mattresses in there so it's kind of like a bouncy house for
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her and the baby a little bit because we just apparently
7:24
do everything weird and then my husband gets his
7:27
work like essentially like a little workshop and you know one of the biggest
7:31
things was just our sleep schedule everybody needs sleep and and you know me
7:36
Gary I'm up all night long sometimes and he just doesn't operate that way he
7:41
can be up all night long with me and then be up at 5 a.m.
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And he's now that he's awake, you know what I mean?
7:48
And so for us, for us to learn how to grow and just be better people for ourselves
7:55
and each other, all in all, it just made the most sense to work on it all while living together,
8:02
while doing all this weird different things, because ultimately nobody had to sacrifice anything.
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And really nobody compromised because we
8:10
I think at least you know we've gotten
8:14
to a point where each person's concern ended up
8:16
being met and each person got things out
8:20
of it that they're going to help them grow and nobody again
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nobody had to sacrifice anything if I
8:26
had felt like it was a sacrifice to go in the living room we would have kept
8:30
trying to find another solution but for me i was excited i got the bunk bed
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now so i'm like sleeping in a fort to protect myself from the kitty hair you
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know what i mean and so like it's beautiful it's beautiful.
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Which is the thing is is in this process
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everybody wanted me like rightfully so
8:52
because everybody's seen these scary situations in custody
8:55
battles but everybody wants to fight and and make
8:58
sure you're protected that's the thing everybody wants to make sure you're protected
9:01
and you understand your rights and you understand what can happen but i just
9:06
had this deep feeling that like that i can just trust the moment that this too
9:12
just like everything else we've been through is just part of the process.
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Whatever the outcome is this is just part of the process and i met each step
9:21
like that and it started in okay we finally have a nice system for visiting the baby back and forth.
9:29
For at least a temporary thing and it just like
9:32
sped into this whole thing where it's like the family's
9:35
kind of reunited and we all get to like grow and
9:39
learn together again like we wanted before except now
9:43
we're doing it in this way that's actually working for everybody
9:46
where everybody has the space and all the things they needed
9:49
that's what we were trying to do before but I
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think it just took us separating and really seeing what
9:55
we needed what we were willing to offer the things
9:58
that we weren't willing to do you know what I mean like and
10:01
sometimes you need that like big break in order to like
10:03
really really assess yourself and everything
10:07
and sometimes things come back together like
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that and sometimes they don't and just because they're back
10:13
together right now it's like the whole thing is you can't
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be committed to the outcome you have
10:19
to let go of your expectations if if
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we did this but i started listing off all of
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the things that i need in order to make this work
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that'll never work you're missing the point the
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point is i come up with i need this thing
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and i share it we solve it the next person comes up with one thing they share
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it we solve it one thing at a time nothing has to move we all want to just like
10:44
solve the problem right now and if we'd done that we would have moved everybody
10:47
in on the first plan and we wouldn't have liked it and then we would have to
10:51
do it again and moved it but like we just like.
10:54
You know I told you we were gonna do it I think like three weeks before we actually
10:58
did it we're just like barely kind of settling in here but it's because we were
11:03
just allowing each thing to just kind of happen.
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And I think that that's so important because if you're just like clamping on
11:12
reality, like it just clamps back at you.
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You know what I mean? And that's a little bit better at it than you are.
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So I want to break all of this down because there may be some people out there
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that are in a similar situation.
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I'm not saying this is like completely unheard of, but the fact that it's being
11:33
done and I want to break it down because it hit me once I started really thinking
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about it, because I know Lizzie was mentioning,
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you know, about rearranging the house again.
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And it just hit me that all of this makes sense.
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Let me first reference one thing, though.
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If you're in any kind of abusive physical relationship, or even worse,
12:01
even if it is emotional abuse or something like that, this situation is not for you.
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It's just not, please don't take this as a definitive, this is what everybody
12:11
should do, because every situation is different.
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I get that. But these are the things, like, people, let me go back.
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How long were you two, like, actually together before the board?
12:23
Okay, so we were actually, so from the time that I met him, we're coming up
12:29
on three years this July.
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Okay. All right. So this is three years, still kind of young, and it happens.
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You could be together. I've been together 11, 12, 13 years And things break off And,
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If it's amicable, if you're in that space where you're just a regular human
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being and you understand instead of fighting and things just don't work out
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because I always see the bad sides of these.
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Right away, two people have been together, let's say, even 30 years.
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And 30 years later, I hate you. No, I hate you. And I hate you more.
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And it becomes this whole thing of hate.
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That hate keeps growing. Well, you had 30 years where there was no hate.
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Sometimes things just don't work out. People are going to branch off and go down different roads.
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Now, in some situations, you may find going off to a different place.
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But there's situations now. Most people all have children, young children.
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And the hatred builds up so much. Because this is what I'm observing.
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My stepdaughter and all and the nonsense she's
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going through that's why she can't even be on my show
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anymore because we got to watch what she says because court everybody
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wants to be in court everybody wants to battle and the only people suffering
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are the children and the children are so fucking confused because they don't
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know where where their home is what their home is who their parents are they're
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being dragged back and forth the courts the same one thing and this is all because of hatred,
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because somebody all of a sudden hates somebody, you know,
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if you're going in that sort of direction, if you're feeling that it's not working out.
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It's a big risk. No one's saying it's not.
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But when you still live under the same roof. And you still kind of separate.
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But separate in the same spot.
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These things start to work out. Now.
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You have two children. Okay. And they're both in different places.
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One probably doesn't understand anything. Your youngest one.
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Where the other one's old enough. Knows everything.
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And it's going to affect them. This.
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Builds more trust. It breaks it down slower. It doesn't throw them into that
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chaos where everything changes.
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It's very difficult, especially when you're rearranging your house as much as
15:00
you do and then figuring out where everybody goes.
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But you're doing it all together, everybody.
15:07
And you're doing this beautifully because you're allowing everybody to have
15:11
a say in it so it works out.
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Even the weird nudity. I don't think they're weird about nudity anyway, but whatever.
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But you're caring for everyone. And again.
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Don't take Lizzie's situation as yours. Everybody has a different situation.
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Again, if it's abusive and all, you've got to get away. Get away at all costs. Get far away.
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But if you're in these spots, especially newer couples, because this happens,
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people fall in love very quickly a lot of times.
15:43
And then you realize, we jumped into this a little too quick.
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I don't think this might work out. But let's get this situation going because it's helping.
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Again, now, like you said, I remember you had a problem with getting your youngest,
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you know, well, I got to drive across town and, you know, the car situation.
16:08
Problem solved. We don't got to worry about that now. We're in the same place.
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Now there's still communication. There's still connection. Everybody can still
16:16
see each other and all. It solved so many problems.
16:19
Now, again, I have to stress, this is working for you, your situation.
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Everybody's going to have a different situation But think outside the box Don't
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think about hate Don't build up the hate Don't go into this whole rage Once
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you start taking everybody to court The only people that win are the fucking attorneys That's it.
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And you're losing or someone's going to lose out of this or you might have children
16:44
and they're going to suffer from it.
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So think outside the box. And I hope I'm putting that right there, Lizzie.
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Yeah, no, it's beautiful. And I'm so glad you brought that up that like my situation
16:55
is not necessarily for everybody. This works well because we like being around each other.
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You know what I mean? If we were to the point where we couldn't be in the same
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room together, that should not be the way that we try and reconcile figuring
17:09
everything out. You know what I mean?
17:10
But it works for us because everybody here wants to.
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And that's the thing is, even if they're not abusive, if you don't want to,
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you don't have to work it out with somebody.
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Even if there's kids, there's still a way for you cosmically to meet everybody
17:26
there authentically with love and make out a situation that works best for all of you involved.
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You know what I mean? And so it's not that necessarily my situation would fix it for everybody,
17:38
but you got to think outside the box
17:41
as you said you got to lean on love but
17:44
you got to honor your capacity in that and i and
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i think what you said was so important about how sometimes the anger just comes
17:52
out of nowhere in relationships and i think from my perspective and watching
17:57
people in the world something that happens cosmically is i kind of talked about
18:02
this especially in monogamous relationships.
18:04
You go home to them every day. They are your person. You're like only person,
18:09
which means anything cosmically you were hoping to learn or work out is now
18:13
through this person. If you guys are now.
18:16
You know catering to each other and kind of coddling
18:19
each other you guys never grow you never learn one
18:22
day your soul wakes up and goes god damn it i was supposed to be
18:25
so much further and now it's like all of their fault
18:28
and i think that this happens you know after
18:32
30 years after a couple of years you know
18:34
the thing is is relationships are really complicated you
18:38
have to kind of take it a little bit at a time and decide what
18:41
you really want to do and let the other person decide what they want to do because
18:46
somewhere there's a happy middle ground where nobody's sacrificing and nobody's
18:51
compromising and if you're feeling like someone has to sacrifice someone has
18:56
to compromise then you're not on the solution yet you're not there you keep going.
19:02
Yeah, that's a very well-thought-out way of looking at it, and it's true.
19:08
It's open communication. That's all it takes. Everybody's so,
19:12
so petrified of it. I don't know what the big deal is.
19:16
Being completely honest, being completely truthful to someone will open up a
19:21
whole line of communication and would solve so many problems because somewhere in there,
19:28
like you said, no matter where you are in the relationship or
19:31
how far apart you think you are there's a
19:34
middle ground somewhere that could be worked out whether it
19:37
is hey okay move in but just pay rent
19:40
this way now it feels like it's not a relationship it's you're renting a room
19:45
for me you're a roommate at this point if it all shifts back to where it was
19:50
and it gets better that's beautiful if it doesn't but it's still working out
19:54
as it is that's beautiful it's a common ground it's a middle ground.
19:58
We take this rage. We take this hate all the time.
20:02
And I know I bought this out before, and I don't want to sound like a broken
20:05
record, but it's the same thing.
20:06
If you've been married to someone, say, 30 years, and then you start thinking,
20:09
oh, I hate that person. She's such a this, that, and you use it.
20:13
Well, that's a reflection of you. You were married to that person for 30 years.
20:19
And if you hated them so much, why did you stay married? This is what just aggravates
20:24
me because I see this all the time. It's just always hate.
20:28
Sometimes things come to an end. We must accept that.
20:33
Once it comes to an end and we know and everybody feels that and everybody's
20:37
on the same page, that's it.
20:39
We've reached our end. Time to go our own separate ways.
20:44
We could work things out. All this material shit, who cares who gets what?
20:51
We need to just find that happy medium, that happy balance where everybody's happy.
20:57
And this sounds so easy. It's just the way I'm spitting it out. But it doesn't happen.
21:02
And I think that's why I was so impressed when you told me about all this.
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Because I said, you're doing what I'm thinking should be done.
21:10
And I see how it's working out beautifully.
21:13
Because I started seeing the aura coils again pop up on my face.
21:22
Oh man i forgot i was gonna say now i do love those oracle,
21:28
i'm sorry for ruining your train of thought no that's okay um,
21:33
Oh, crap. I really don't remember what you just said before that. I said oracles.
21:38
I know. I was like, oh, I haven't oracle-ed yet today.
21:43
Yeah. No, I was just saying how because of how everybody goes to hatred and
21:48
all that and how simply I say you represented that.
21:54
The thing is, is it's it's so easy to be like, let go of all fear and urgency
21:59
because anything you feel you have to do or should do is a lie.
22:03
Like that's really easy until you get
22:06
that call from the bank until you and your partner are having
22:09
problems you know until all these things the 3d world is like
22:12
arguing with you it's like it's so hard but the
22:15
thing is is like it's just stories everything
22:20
like everything that happens in the universe is
22:23
actually neutral it's you that decides it's good or
22:26
bad and then the outcomes pattern off of
22:29
that and so you have to let go
22:32
of the story which means sometimes you
22:36
have to sit there and cry about how wrong everything is
22:39
going and let your brain tell you all the things that you're holding on to that
22:43
are what you think is real what you think is true and whatever like comes up
22:48
and you just like allow it to be and then just allow it to go because if it
22:54
came up in that moment, that's probably not accurate.
22:57
That's not, cosmic inspiration doesn't come to you when you feel shameful or scared.
23:03
You know, that's comfort and comes to you.
23:06
It comes to you when you feel good and you feel solid. And sometimes that means
23:11
you have to cry like a little baby to get there.
23:14
Yeah, definitely. Or even kick a garbage can.
23:18
Either, whatever way it takes to get there, you get there.
23:22
And this was just beautiful I'm so happy you're able to Just share this with
23:29
everybody Because it is personal I mean I,
23:34
But things like this really matter.
23:37
It's simplicity. We're going to have further episodes.
23:40
I mean, we're going to have an episode all about sex, raw and explicit,
23:45
but it fits into the whole spiritual world.
23:48
It fits into relationships that we've spoken about and we've spoken about through a few episodes.
23:55
And this now, relationships again.
23:58
But this matters because, again, we're all in this kind of stuff together.
24:02
Some people got it really made and they're single, right?
24:05
They don't have a care in the world and they're probably turning us off right now.
24:08
But you do, at some point, we have to realize we're all human beings.
24:14
And even if you are single, you might get into a relationship and you're going
24:18
to remember what we said and you're going to probably see some signs where your
24:22
new significant other might not be seeing eye to eye on something rather than
24:26
turning that into raw hatred.
24:29
Just transmuted into, okay, we're at some sort of crossroad,
24:34
open communication, you talk about it and find that middle ground.
24:38
It's easy. To me, it's so easy because I simplify my entire life down to the most simplistic thing.
24:45
And I think as hard as it is, as hard as it is, especially for you,
24:50
Lizzie, like I say, physically, you know, the moving of furniture and all,
24:53
but things really worked out.
24:55
Not just for you, not just for your husband, and everybody's got their spot. But think about it.
25:00
Your 11-year-old, Zayla, she's making $200 a month.
25:05
She's ecstatic. Yeah. I want to be in that situation, you know.
25:09
It's easy to bribe a kid, but that, hey, you might need to give up your room.
25:14
But here's a benefit. You're going to make $200 a month.
25:18
Getting her prepared for the 3D world, right, and the capitalism and everything else.
25:23
I see a lot of beauty in all of this. And, again, I'm saying this because it
25:28
really, really struck me.
25:30
On such a very emotional level. And it's because we don't see beauty in everything
25:36
anymore. We always see the hatred and we always see the, it's so easy to hate somebody.
25:41
It's so easy to be violent towards somebody else.
25:43
Why can't we just find that middle ground and just come to a better decision,
25:48
a decision that's outside the box?
25:50
So I do, I thank you so much for sharing all that with you.
25:54
I think it's because we're all
25:55
scared that the other person is going to do something out of our control.
26:00
And whether we respond in grief or anger or whatever it is, if you really let
26:06
it be, you'll notice it circles down to what you're scared of.
26:12
And I kind of just think cosmically, maybe that's just probably holding people back.
26:18
It is. A lot of that fear, a lot of that being scared, it's our ego.
26:24
We don't want to be wrong.
26:26
We want to always be the one right all the time. But when you're in a committed
26:30
relationship of any kind.
26:33
It's not one-sided. It's always two people. And there's no winner. There's no loser.
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Each person is their own specific soul. And they need their space as does the other person.
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And that's what we get scared of. Because we're going to lose something.
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We're going to lose the person that we love. We're going to lose the person.
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We're going to lose that respect. or we're going to look bad because I failed at a relationship.
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This is stuff religion teaches too, and that's why I'm out of religion.
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And this is why I think the church is moving spiritual because we're so anti-given
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a religious aspect of everything.
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Because, again, a lot of this is doctrine. No one could get divorced. Divorce is a sin.
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Listen, it's not that way. We're not failing at anything.
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We fail when we turn to violence we fail when we turn to hatred that's when we fail,
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but finding that middle ground finding that love that unconditional love that
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you always mention then you win all the time and everybody wins and that's the whole key to this,
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episode and thank you again lizzie for everything for sharing for being so open
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and being so you. I love it. I really do.
27:54
Of course. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to share my story.
27:59
Absolutely. Anytime. So I hope everybody found this informational and,
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you know, maybe you keyed in on a few things.
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Like I said, not everybody's situation is going to be the same,
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but think outside the box.
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I hope everybody's relationship is strong. I hope you're all full of love and
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I hope the rest of your life is filled with love and peace and joy.
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And Lizzie and I will see you again on the next episode. Thank you again for joining us.