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Loss Trauma Awakening House Of Pretend From Author Joanne Redding · Arroe Collins Like It's Live

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  Speaker 1: Arrow dot net. It's not just a podcast, it's a
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  Speaker 1: R r oe dot net. Enjoy the exploration is Arrow. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: how are you doing today?
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  Speaker 2: I'm doing fine? How are you?
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  Speaker 1: I love your accent. You can just keep on talking.
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  Speaker 1: I'll just sit back and what accent?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it.
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  Speaker 1: See that's the way they are here in the South too.
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  Speaker 1: They'll go, man, that's Southern accent. It's coming out a
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  Speaker 1: little bit, and I'm going I have no idea what
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  Speaker 1: you're talking about.
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  Speaker 2: Where are you at? I'm in Charlotte, Okay, I love Charlotte.
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  Speaker 3: You have you been here?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah?
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  Speaker 4: Used to have a Nations bank when I worked on
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  Speaker 4: Wall Street for a while, but i'd be down there.
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  Speaker 1: Well this what they tried to make this and they
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  Speaker 1: still say it's the banking capital of the world. So
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  Speaker 1: but see, we never get to see the invisible players,
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  Speaker 1: such as yourself, because I mean, we always get to
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  Speaker 1: read the headlines and we get to read about the CEOs.
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  Speaker 1: But see, and I think that's one of the reasons
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  Speaker 1: why we need to read a book like this House
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  Speaker 1: to pretend, because there's just so much that we are
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  Speaker 1: missing as real people.
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  Speaker 2: That's good kind of you to say, But.
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  Speaker 1: The journey you've been on, I want to commend you
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  Speaker 1: on that that with everything that you were given, you know,
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  Speaker 1: during the younger chapters or the opening chapters, as as
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  Speaker 1: they would tell you, it's like you blow me away
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  Speaker 1: because you found focus and stayed to it. Perseverance rang there.
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  Speaker 4: Yes, well, I mean honestly, my earliest memories were just
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  Speaker 4: wanting to not be where I was okay, And as
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  Speaker 4: a child I read a lot and I think that
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  Speaker 4: that opened up for me the knowledge that there was
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  Speaker 4: a world out there that wasn't like the one I
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  Speaker 4: was living in and that I could make changes. And
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  Speaker 4: you know, I developed a plan early on. I realized
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  Speaker 4: education was the only way for me to get out,
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  Speaker 4: So I did that and then you you know, you
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  Speaker 4: build step by step build step by step.
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  Speaker 1: You're speaking my language when you say that step by step,
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  Speaker 1: because I was just having a conversation with my wife
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  Speaker 1: yesterday and we were talking about, you know, to go
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  Speaker 1: to the camping. It's not you don't just get in
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  Speaker 1: a truck and go to go camping. There's a process.
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  Speaker 1: There's a step by step process, and you've got to
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  Speaker 1: play out one at a time. People don't know that.
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  Speaker 1: And that and you really do bring that to us,
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  Speaker 1: is like, come on, step out of time, one at
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  Speaker 1: a time.
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  Speaker 4: Yes, Otherwise, you know, you get overwhelmed. If you think
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  Speaker 4: how am I ever going to get out of here?
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  Speaker 4: How how is my life ever going to improve? It's
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  Speaker 4: overwhelming And like for me, I mean were there were
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  Speaker 4: tiny steps. When I had my first job out of college,
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  Speaker 4: it was awful, and I knew I wanted something better
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  Speaker 4: and the jobs are looking was looking for at the time.
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  Speaker 4: It was back in the late seventies early eighties. They
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  Speaker 4: kept asking women for their typing skills and I didn't type.
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  Speaker 4: I went to typing school so I could get a job.
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  Speaker 4: Not that I type at the end of typing school,
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  Speaker 4: but then I bluffed my way into a job. But
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  Speaker 4: you have to make a plan, and you have to
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  Speaker 4: realize that each step, as small as it seems, brings
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  Speaker 4: you closer to your goal.
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  Speaker 1: You just gave me a big flashback when I took
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  Speaker 1: typing lessons in high school and I was the only
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  Speaker 1: guy in typing and the way they explained it because
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  Speaker 1: everybody else is in computer programming there, buddy, and I went, no,
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  Speaker 1: I want to learn how to type because I love
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  Speaker 1: the rhythmic sound of typing.
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  Speaker 2: All right, I missed that sound on the computer. It's
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  Speaker 2: just not the same.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, me too.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So then when did you realize though, that you had
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  Speaker 1: the fuel for fire? And the thing about it is
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  Speaker 1: that I love about your journey is that Steven Ferdick
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  Speaker 1: would always tell us this. He says, you know, quit
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  Speaker 1: running away from the fire, take take on the chariots,
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  Speaker 1: take on the fire. And that's what you did. It's
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  Speaker 1: almost like you turned around and said, all right, let's
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  Speaker 1: go back in there. We're going to get something done.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I think that.
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  Speaker 4: You know, growing up as I did, where my mother
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  Speaker 4: was so emotionally deficient and it was such a place
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  Speaker 4: of loneliness and emptiness to grow up in that we
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  Speaker 4: became really adept at pretending and performing and pleasing and
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  Speaker 4: appearing to be how you saw other people appear. I
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  Speaker 4: mean I copied how people were and how a acted,
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  Speaker 4: because I knew how we were inside our apartment was
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  Speaker 4: not normal.
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  Speaker 2: And I think that that.
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  Speaker 4: Served me very well in terms of the workforce, getting
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  Speaker 4: a job on Wall Street, being a trader, bond trader.
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  Speaker 4: I mean I could I could take all of the abuse,
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  Speaker 4: I could handle the shouting, the chaotic environment and bother
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  Speaker 4: me at all, and I could keep a poker face.
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  Speaker 4: Whether I was earning money or losing money on my trades.
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  Speaker 2: It was hard to tell.
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  Speaker 4: But I think that at a certain point for me,
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  Speaker 4: that shell that served me so well in terms of
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  Speaker 4: functioning externally in the world really came back to haunt
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  Speaker 4: me a bit with.
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  Speaker 2: My internal self.
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  Speaker 4: I appeared so self alliance, so self sufficient that people
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  Speaker 4: didn't think I needed people, and I realized I had
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  Speaker 4: to at some point, you know, basically show my hand
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  Speaker 4: and open up and be a little vulnerable, which was
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  Speaker 4: extremely difficult because there was so much shame and guilt
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  Speaker 4: in me. You know from my childhood that that was
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  Speaker 4: a hard thing to do. But that was the most
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  Speaker 4: important thing. I think I've ever done in my life.
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  Speaker 4: And it makes you realize when you open up that
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  Speaker 4: everybody has something.
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  Speaker 3: So we got to talk about that.
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  Speaker 1: When you've got that dark childhood versus where you grew
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  Speaker 1: into into Wall Street, did you have to jump into
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  Speaker 1: a pair of what I call the candy coated plastic
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  Speaker 1: bathroom mirror smile? You knew your story. Nobody else had
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  Speaker 1: to know it. You just knew what you were going
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  Speaker 1: to do with where you presently were.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean it's funny and upon reflection, like after
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  Speaker 4: I wrote this book, I spoke to an old trading
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  Speaker 4: colleague of mine and I told him a little bit about.
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  Speaker 2: My backstory and he was shocked.
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  Speaker 4: He said, you appeared to be the most confident, competent,
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  Speaker 4: put together person externally. He had no idea what was
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  Speaker 4: what I had, you know, lived through what was inside
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  Speaker 4: of me, which was, you know, again just a lot
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  Speaker 4: of guilt. You sort of grow up thinking that if
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  Speaker 4: only you had been cuter or smarter or funnier, that
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  Speaker 4: the things that had befallen you might not have happened.
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  Speaker 4: That somehow is your fault. So yeah, I mean it
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  Speaker 4: helped me a lot, and I think what made it
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  Speaker 4: all come together. Was when my boss offered me a
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  Speaker 4: million dollars to have a child.
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  Speaker 2: I saw that, you know, you sort of think, wow,
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  Speaker 2: what am I? What am I projecting?
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  Speaker 4: Like?
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  Speaker 2: This isn't right?
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  Speaker 4: And you realize that you've just been accepting kind of
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  Speaker 4: scraps as you go along in life and that that
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  Speaker 4: needed to change.
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  Speaker 1: So was there ever a time though, where you kind
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  Speaker 1: of looked at a situation like that. I mean, for
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  Speaker 1: someone to offer you a million dollars to have their child,
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  Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you go, wait a second, who's
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  Speaker 1: making the money here? Me?
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  Speaker 4: Or you?
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  Speaker 1: Are you doing this so you can make more money?
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  Speaker 1: Because I need to understand that the plane side of
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  Speaker 1: both sides here, because I mean so many times people
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  Speaker 1: go they'll go for the money, but they forget about
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  Speaker 1: the effect they'll have on other people's lives.
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  Speaker 2: No, that was never a I had no interest in
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  Speaker 2: doing that. I think he was just a man who
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  Speaker 2: needed help of his own quite frankly.
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  Speaker 4: But for me, it was just a moment for it
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  Speaker 4: coincided with a relationship I was in that you know, imploded,
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  Speaker 4: and it was a moment for me to realize, great,
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  Speaker 4: I'm successful externally, I have great paying job, lovely apartment, etc.
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  Speaker 2: But I really needed to figure out my.
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  Speaker 4: Own internal self and how I was going to be
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  Speaker 4: able to proceed with that. And I think, you know, really,
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  Speaker 4: as I said, opening myself up one night at a
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  Speaker 4: dinner with a bunch of women was really interesting for me.
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  Speaker 4: As soon as I opened my mouth and said something vulnerable,
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  Speaker 4: I thought, oh boy, that was a mistake. And instead
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  Speaker 4: it allowed everybody at the table to talk about their insecurities.
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  Speaker 2: And you sort of realized that also.
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  Speaker 4: I think as you age, I could look back with
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  Speaker 4: more compassion at my parents and forgive them for their
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  Speaker 4: shortcomings and realize that certainly my mother that she clearly
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  Speaker 4: had a lot of mental illness issues she was dealing with,
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  Speaker 4: and that had she been offered the choice, had she
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  Speaker 4: had the opportunity perhaps to get help, she would not
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  Speaker 4: have chosen to live as she did and raise us
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  Speaker 4: as she did. So forgiveness, I think is a big
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  Speaker 4: part for giving other people, forgiving yourself as well.
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  Speaker 2: Well.
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  Speaker 1: You also use some other very big words that I
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  Speaker 1: think would serve as motivation in this modern day because
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  Speaker 1: we need to get more people working with with their
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  Speaker 1: creativity inside that soul and that is reassurance, guidance, explanation, recognition.
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  Speaker 1: Every one of those play hand in hand with each other.
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  Speaker 4: Absolutely, absolutely, and honesty. I think you need to be
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  Speaker 4: honest to that what you're doing, how you're allowing other
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  Speaker 4: people's reactions and perceptions of you to control how you
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  Speaker 4: feel about yourself, and you need to let that go.
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  Speaker 2: You are self worthy.
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  Speaker 4: You should offer your self love and realistic let other
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  Speaker 4: people that you love know that you love them.
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  Speaker 2: I think that's a very important thing to do in life.
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  Speaker 3: Please do not move. We'll be right back with Joanne Reading.
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  Speaker 3: Coming up next, The Neighbor of a Book, House of Pretend,
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  Speaker 3: a memoir. We are back with author Joanne reading. When
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  Speaker 3: you put the.
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  Speaker 1: Memoir together, then, what was it like for you to
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  Speaker 1: not live in your past? Because what I'm feeling inside
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  Speaker 1: the page is is a reflection, and reflection is not
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  Speaker 1: living in the past.
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  Speaker 3: It's a reflection.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think that.
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  Speaker 4: Honestly, writing the book and writing down things that had
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  Speaker 4: lived inside of me for so long was such a
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  Speaker 4: weirdly physical and mental release. You know, there's that the
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  Speaker 4: body holds a score book that is very famous, and
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  Speaker 4: you know, I never really gave much thought to that,
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  Speaker 4: but it was it literally physically felt as though I
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  Speaker 4: had released the stuff out of my body and longer
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  Speaker 4: resided in me.
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  Speaker 2: I think making the changes.
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  Speaker 4: Allowed me to be a much more relaxed person with
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  Speaker 4: myself and to really appreciate the moment and not worry
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  Speaker 4: about the past, which I can't change, and not worry
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  Speaker 4: about the future because I don't know what's going to happen,
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  Speaker 4: and just try to be kind to yourself and let
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  Speaker 4: people know. I think what's really important is letting people
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  Speaker 4: know when you're struggling, call a friend up and say,
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  Speaker 4: you know what, I'm having a really bad day or
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  Speaker 4: I'm really feeling anxious because you hold it in yourself
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  Speaker 4: and you're not getting anywhere. You know, you need to
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  Speaker 4: take again, step by step, take a little step.
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  Speaker 1: Well, we're in that position even today because it's like
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  Speaker 1: you know, I've been doing a lot of studying that
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: I do on iHeartRadio, and that is is the fact
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  Speaker 1: that bosses today are just holding a title they got
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: because they were wanting to feel important at work. They're
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: not real leaders and we need a book such as
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  Speaker 1: this to be that leadership role that says stick in there,
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  Speaker 1: stay in there, be healthy, be honest, be truthful, and
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  Speaker 1: more importantly, be forgiving. And it's like, look, I wish
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  Speaker 1: I had a boss that gave me what you've got
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  Speaker 1: inside this book.
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  Speaker 2: You know you're right.
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  Speaker 4: I mean, a lot of bosses really shouldn't be in
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  Speaker 4: the position that they're in. But you made me think
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  Speaker 4: of the boss that I had early on in my career,
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  Speaker 4: just before I went to Wall Street, when I worked
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  Speaker 4: at that French engineering company, and I had a man
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  Speaker 4: who should not have given me the job.
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  Speaker 2: I certainly didn't have. I was supposed to type.
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  Speaker 4: That's why I went to typing school, right and instead,
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  Speaker 4: I mean, he was a man who clearly saw, Okay,
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  Speaker 4: she's got some guts and certainly some you know, for
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  Speaker 4: her to come in under these pretenses. Yet we've hit
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: it off. She seems confident and to give me a shot.
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: I think bosses would be better served to be less
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: concerned with their own power and more able to understand
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  Speaker 4: that the fact that they are in the position therein
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  Speaker 4: should allow him graciousness and mentorship to those underneath them,
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  Speaker 4: that that's how you build a better organization.
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  Speaker 1: There is such a huge part of me that I
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  Speaker 1: love this book. In the way. And it's only because
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  Speaker 1: I'm so fresh from watching this Shirley McClain movie we
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: saw last night where she was the CEO of a movie,
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: I mean of a company, and she hired somebody to
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  Speaker 1: write her obituary, and I wanted to say that I
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: commend you for writing your book because this way we're
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  Speaker 1: getting the story and it's not coming through an obituary
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  Speaker 1: where she was trying to control it through the person
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  Speaker 1: that she hired to write it. And I just think
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: that what you're doing is such a leadership role to
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  Speaker 1: show people that show off your legacy, even if you
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: don't think you have a legacy, tell us your story,
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  Speaker 1: your journey, you're growing forward so that we can learn
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  Speaker 1: from it and you can see the real person and
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  Speaker 1: not just the business person all the time.
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  Speaker 4: Well, I really I appreciate that a lot. I mean,
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  Speaker 4: for me, it was, you know, the impetus for actually
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  Speaker 4: putting it.
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  Speaker 2: Out as a book when I was encouraged to do so.
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  Speaker 4: Is really more from a perspective of just somebody who's
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: in a place they don't want to be, in a
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  Speaker 4: spot where they're unsure of how to get out of
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: in a relationship that's not working to just let them know,
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  Speaker 4: you know, there is a way out, there's always a
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: way out, there's always a way out, and that you
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  Speaker 4: are worthy of more than what you're accepting.
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  Speaker 1: Often, Julia Cameron says that writing cleans out the closet.
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  Speaker 1: So what have you done since he does?
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  Speaker 3: Doesn't it?
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  Speaker 1: So therefore you've got new levels of creativity. What are
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: you going to do with that energy? Because you don't
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: want to waste it?
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  Speaker 2: Oh boy, I don't know.
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  Speaker 4: I mean, right now, I'm just reveling the fact I
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: actually have a book coming out on.
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  Speaker 2: The nineteen fi like who to funk it?
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  Speaker 1: Right?
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  Speaker 4: But you know, I think I really do enjoy writing.
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  Speaker 4: I think what would be a lot of fun would
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: be to write a novel. To write a fiction, I
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: think it would be far less, you know, painful. I
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: mean sometimes I think about this book and I feel
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: like I'm walking naked in Times Square.
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  Speaker 2: It's just wow, you know, you put yourself out on paper.
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  Speaker 2: It's it's a lot. So perhaps fiction will be next
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  Speaker 2: in my repertoire. We'll see you being.
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  Speaker 1: A part of Wall Street during those days that were
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  Speaker 1: to me where like just hardcore struggling and building and
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: just creating, and nowadays it seems like everybody's turning it
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: into basically a powerball lottery. They're throwing money in that
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: direction because they want to get rich quickly. They don't
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  Speaker 1: understand the path. We need people like yourself to say
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  Speaker 1: you need to pay attention and quit trying to predict
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: the market because you can't.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: Well, these days, I don't know what's going on. And
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  Speaker 4: quite frankly, I mean the headlines change from minute to minute,
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: and it just seems the volatility level is so high.
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: I said to a fellow X Wall Street or the
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  Speaker 4: other day, Boy, I'm glad I'm not trading these days.
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  Speaker 4: It's you know, it's just like your whiplash.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. You always got to be
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  Speaker 1: looking over your shoulder to find out either what's coming
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  Speaker 1: up next or who just hit me?
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  Speaker 2: Exactly. No, it's like a roller coaster.
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  Speaker 4: I mean, we used to say trading bonds, it was
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  Speaker 4: often like flying a plane.
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  Speaker 2: You know, you'd have periods of.
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  Speaker 4: Calm and then moments of sheer terror when the market
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  Speaker 4: would just ricochet back and forth. These days, it seems
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  Speaker 4: like it's all ricocheting. I can for more than any
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: moments of calm, so it's got to be a very
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  Speaker 4: difficult market to be trier. Well.
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  Speaker 1: They always tell us, especially those preacher people, that everything
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  Speaker 1: we experience in life becomes a story to teach somebody
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: in the future. Are we going to see you on
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  Speaker 1: a speaking tour to where you can talk one on
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  Speaker 1: one with authentic people that haven't discovered being superstars yet
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: but can be I would.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: Certainly be open to it, you know, I'm here willing
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: to do anything I think that I think getting out
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: and letting people.
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: As I said, just just know that there's a world
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: out there and you're more than you think you are
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: in your worst moments, you know.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: And I want to be happy to do that.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: I want listeners to understand that that that you know,
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: being on a podcast is one thing, sure, that's really
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: far out cool, but a book like your own, it
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: gives them a loane time to be with you. That
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: to me is where the real lesson is. It's not
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: just sitting here listening to a conversation, but rather they
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: need to spend time in your book and bring a
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: highlighter because you say some stuff that really is going
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: to change people's lives.
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: I appreciate saying that I really do. It's been it's
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: been a journey writing it. I'm glad I did, and
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: I do hope that people do find things that help
• 16:07
  Speaker 4: them in their own lives within the book Thank You.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: Where can people go to find out more about you
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: and to really give you some love and to really
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: become students of you, just like I'm a student of
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Julia Cameron. It starts with people like yourself to become
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: the motivators and the instruction instructors.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: You are kind.
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: I have a website, it's joannreadingauthor dot com. I have
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: an Instagram It's Joanne Underscore Reading. And as I said,
• 16:33
  Speaker 4: the book.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: Is coming out May nineteenth.
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: It's available for a pre order everywhere now Simon and
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: Schuster's distribution firm, so you know they can read the book.
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: I'm happy to do book clubs whatever anybody would like.
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: I'm open to listening to and helping people.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: Well, you got to come back to this show anytime
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: in the future. You know that door is always going
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: to be open for you.
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: I really appreciate it. Thank you so much for having me.
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: This has been wonderful.
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: Will you be brilliant today?
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, thank you you too.