Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S5 Ep20: Bold, Blunt & Barely Behaved 🤣

Transcript

S5 Ep20: Bold, Blunt & Barely Behaved 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Hi guys, oh my god, I'm so happy to be here.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: You can't even believe it.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm actually really happy to announce, guys, that I just lost 10 pounds.
• 0:43
  unknown: Yeah.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: An hour ago when I put these spanks on.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you hear that?
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's the patriarch, okay?
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: You heard it.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: I am really lucky though.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: This is like, this job is the best job.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: And for this job, I gotta travel all the time.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: And this happens to me all the time.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: Happened when I came here.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: I had to go to the big TSA machine where, like, you put your hands at the top and they see like your tampons and stuff.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I had to go through and the woman stops me.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: She goes, excuse me, miss, we have to stop you.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: Your butt set off the machine.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: You guys know what that means.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: It means that this ass is a threat to homeland security, you guys.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: Look at it.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no! It's so dangerous! Oh, it's coming right for you! Don't look at it.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: Don't look at it.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: If you look too deeply, you'll see your future.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: So this happens to me every time.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: It always happens.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: And this is why it's because my thighs touch.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because I'm constantly marinating down there all the time.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: I see some people are uncomfortable with that thought.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's right.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a brisket.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Mmm.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's got a good 12-hour marinade going on right now.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: Do you like barbecue?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: You're creepy.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, not I was the creepy one.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: That was my fault.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: I go home a lot.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: I travel a lot to back to Minnesota where I'm from.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I have a little sister there.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: She's nine, right?
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: And when she's younger, people always assumed she was my kid.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: So they're always like, oh, it's such a shame to have a baby so young.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: Who's the father?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I don't know, my dad.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I have to be a good role model for her.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's my job, right?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: So any question she has about being a woman, I answer very honestly.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: She was like, hey Jenny, why do you have hair on your legs?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Well, Olivia, when you get older, you're gonna get lazy.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Next question.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, hey Jenny, why do you have pimples on your butt?
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, because I got tired of my face.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Shut up.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: No more questions.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like we tell little girls that they are pretty before anything else, right?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: So I always tell her that she's smart, she's creative, she's courageous.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: I never tell her she's pretty because I'm the pretty one.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: All right?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: She's understand that.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: But she's gonna be weird.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: She's gonna be a weird girl because she's got an old dad.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like my dad was 50 when he had her.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I remember when he was young and fun and cool.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: We do cool stuff like horseback riding and skiing.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, Olivia, what do you and dad do for fun now?
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, oh, we drink vodka and talk about buying a gun.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, ugh.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's some old dad shit.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: Also, her parents are old, both of them are, and uh they do old people weird stuff.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like, do you guys remember when you were young, you would have a nightmare and you'd run into your parents' bedrooms, right?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Both her parents have CPAP machines.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: If you guys didn't know what that is, basically is after 50, your body tries to kill itself every night.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: So you have to put a dumb mask over your face.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: And your body's just like, let me go.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: And you're like, no, no, no, I have a prescription.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: So she runs in to see these two Darth Vader zombies just asleep from the bed, like, what's wrong, Olivia?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_02: Are you having a nightmare?
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, fuck it, I'ma chill with the ghosts.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Uh no.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: I don't need this shit.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: Couldn't tell already, guys.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a feminist.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a big, big dumb feminist.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: And where are my other feminists at?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, nice.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Very nice.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: I did feel a couple of dude buttholes tighten up, not gonna lie.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: Bros, loosen your buttholes up, okay?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: Let the love in.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: Let the love in.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because I get it.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: I know what a lot of guys think when they hear the word feminism.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: They think of like a feminazi liberal arts student with a vagina on her head being like, we're coming for your dicks.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: We're not.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I love dicks.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: I love them.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's what's attached to them that's frustrating.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's the problem.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: Well, look, I will be the first one to tell you guys sometimes women will do stuff that is annoying, okay?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: For example, I had a friend say this, and it was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: She goes, Jenny, I have to lose weight because I have to get rid of my camel toe.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: What?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you can't diet your vagina away, okay?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: Can't do it, it's just gonna be there.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: There's only one way to stop camel toe, ladies, and that's to keep it hairy, okay?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, some pushback here, guys.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like, okay, look, it's cold outside.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: Put a hat on.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like I live in LA, but I keep it very Midwest down there.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: All right, it is Minnesota, Wisconsin all the time.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: I did vote for Hillary, but not for the reasons you think.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: I voted for her because if she would have won, I would have lived out my dream of playing Monica Lewinsky in the Lifetime movie.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, I know what I look like, okay?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: Can't waste this chubby Jewish face.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: We gotta make a lot of changes in this country.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: We really do.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I think one way to really start, especially make it better for women and young girls growing up, we gotta get rid of the pink tax, okay?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: Or the tampon tax.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: If you guys don't know what this is, it is a luxury tax that women pay on all of our tampons and pads.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you guys didn't know this, apparently my period is a luxurious experience.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's like a sandals resort down there.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: And that's bullshit, right?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Because if it thank you, right?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Right, because if a tampon's a BMW, what's my Kia option?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's just a bunch of Q tips tied together.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's like a day old baguette from Whole Foods.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: What am I using?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: We're all friends here, right?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: We're all buds.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna tell you guys what I use.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: I use what's called a diva cup.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: All right, couple you guys know.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what it is?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I can't wait.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: All right, okay, buddy, buckle up.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: So, what it is, all right, is it is a uh a silicone cup, nay, a chalice.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: That you put in there, okay?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then when it's full, God's caught all the stuffs, it's full, you just take it out, and then you throw it on your enemies.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm a fat bitch, if you guys couldn't tell.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: Let me hear it for all my plus size bitches.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: If you didn't clap, fuck you, I hope you'd die.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't see you clap.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm waiting for you to clap.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: Your hands broken, thank you.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: I am not having sex with him.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm comfortable, I'm comfortable being a plus-sized lady.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm cool with it.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: But I live in LA.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: It sucks, right?
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Because I know in LA I'm like a solid six, maybe like a six and a half.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: I go back home to Minnesota, I'm a nine, okay?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because I have a body that's useful.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: I can haul wood with this body.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: If it gets too cold, I'll stand in the corner, heat the whole house.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: All right?
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's the kind of body I have.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: But living in LA, I constantly have to prove to people that I like myself, right?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: No one believes you.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I did it, alright?
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: People always like, prove it.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: I proved it.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: I wore a crop top on TV, right?
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: And people were like, oh, you're such an inspiration.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, why?
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's on clearance, that's it.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's the only reason I wore this thing.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: And they were like, Well, aren't you scared?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: Aren't you scared of the trolls?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, the trolls?
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: No, I'm not scared.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: Last time I got trolled, the guy said this.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, Ugh, I can't imagine trying to have sex with the folds of her fat.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, but you did, so I win.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not scared.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: But it is a double standard.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: I will give you that.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's double standard, okay?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because I am a goddamn hero.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: Skinny girls will take an Instagram picture, maybe show a little boob, a little bit of butt.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: People are like, oh, what a slut.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: They're such a slut.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: I do it, and they're like, oh.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: You go girl.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: How do you do it?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: So confident in that disgusting body you live in every single day.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's so ridiculous.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: But I will be honest with you guys, right?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I do love myself, and it took me a really long time to get here to like my body and like who I am.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm saying that all you guys here, if you hate your body and hate what you look for any reason, you're stupid.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: You look great.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: Give yourselves a round of applause for being so beautiful, right?
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I've I actually I have an eating disorder.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: I have a food addiction, okay?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I know some of you here, especially the cunts that just laughed, don't think it's a real thing.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: I see ya.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: It is a real thing because I've done crazy things for food, okay?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: I've sucked dick for food.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: I thought it was a date, but I knew what I wanted.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: I've eaten out of a trash can before.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm not proud, but I kind of am.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: Kind of like when you fart so bad, you're just like, oh my god, that was horrible.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: I made that.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: I used to live in New York before I lived in LA, which was great, because you could get drunk at four in the morning in New York, hop on a train, boom, you're home, no problem.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: So if I get too drunk in LA, I gotta sleep on people's couches.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the problem, guys.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: If you're anything like me, when I get drunk, I get real horny.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: So cut to last week.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm having a great gal day, right?
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: Gal pal time.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: Get too drunk, gotta sleep on her couch.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: I woke up, I had the urge.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: I ended up masturbating on my friend's couch.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I look, I don't feel good about it.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: I feel very bad about it.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because now that couch will not stop texting me.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: What?
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: Thought I was pregnant.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: Thank God it was a pull-out.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: Hey! Boom, boom, boom.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's dumb.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: Getting older too in LA is such a bummer.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm 30 now.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: I've just turned 30.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: So I've got two years left till they put me in that iceberg.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: And it's different.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: Things are way different in your 30s, right?
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like I remember parties when I was younger, like 21, 22.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: Guy who brought the drugs, we all knew he was getting laid, right?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Now I go to parties, guy who brings the cheese plate is gonna be knee-deep in puss the whole night.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, did this motherfucker bring manchega?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: Bam! Bam, bam, bam, bam! Right?
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: Women start throwing their panties in the air.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: You wanna make a woman come in her 40s?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: Give her a slice of 12-year-old aged gouda, she'll figure it out.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: Drinking does make you dumb.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: Drinking is such a dumb thing.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: I love doing it.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: But like, I was doing a show, and this very, very, very drunk girl came up to me after the show, and she was just like, oh my god, you're so funny, but it is so hard to be skinny.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was like, okay, bitch, why?
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: Why is it hard?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: This was her reason.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes your boyfriend wants to have sex with your boobs, and there is nothing there.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: That was it.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: That was her whole reason.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I was so pissed.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, screw that girl.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: She's never gone to a store and not been able to get anything she wants off the rack, and she's never been thought of as being stupid or lazy simply because of the way her body looks.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: But you know what, guys?
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: The entire time she was looking at me and going, oh my God.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: That girl is so lucky.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: She has a spare vagina on her chest.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what, guys?
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: If having two pieces of flesh touch counts as a vagina, I've got a vagina here, I've got a vagina here, I've got a vagina below my vagina.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: You guys, I am covered in vaginas.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I am a single lady now.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: I was in a relationship for three years, broken up for two of those.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: And right, there are some things I miss about, you know, having a boyfriend.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: There are other things I don't.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't miss this.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know that moment where like you're snuggling with your loved one and you're about to go to sleep, you're about to go off to Dreamland, and then you feel it right in the middle of your back.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm talking about.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: I don't miss feeling like I'm being held at gunpoint before I go to bed.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: I don't miss that.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: I did recently get broken up with over text.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's the worst way.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's not true.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: Murder.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: Murder is the worst way.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: They have a choice, guys.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: Just text her.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: Such a terrible way to break up with someone.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: Next time I do it, I'm gonna do it the old-fashioned way.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: Carrier pigeon.
• 17:47
  unknown: Right?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna flutter into his room, land on his computer.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: He's have to read from a tiny little scroll.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's just gonna be like, dear Thomas, we are over! I no longer hear the love in your voice.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's been but a fourth night since you sent me a picture of your wiener.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: Your fantasy football league is stupid, and your Twitter's redundant.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: Good day! And then it's just gonna shit on his computer.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's how you break up with someone.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so bad at the sexy talk, you guys.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: I am so bad at it.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm I'm a comic, right?
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: I want to go for the joke every time.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want you to orgasm.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not going to, so let's have fun.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, like recently I was hooking up with this musician.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: Wait.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: That was a big slip.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: A magician.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: I was hooking up with a magician.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, it took every fiber of my being to not yell at him as he's coming towards the bed.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, is that a wand in your pocket?
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: Or are you just, that's a wand.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: Why do you have a wand in your pocket?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's a weird thing to bring here.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: Also, if I'm ever sleeping with a comic, also very weird, right?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: Because I gotta stop myself from grabbing their wiener and being like, is this thing on?
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: Ha ha ha ha ha.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, come back.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: Why are you leaving me?
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: Every time.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: Every time.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm just done.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just done dating, done meeting people.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna sit at home, listen to music, right?
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: Big fan of music, but there's one type I will not listen to.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: Louisiana, I won't.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like country music.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, cool.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: Cool.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like it, right?
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: I find it very offensive, right?
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: Especially to women.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like the guy will be singing about how much he loves his lady, and he's like, I got a woman.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't she cute?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: I like to watch her in the kitchen making me soup.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: But I don't know about no woman sufferage.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: All I know is I like her booty hanging out the fridge.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: Now I got a woman.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: She loves to cook and clean.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: I love her so much that I've killed her hopes of dreams.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: And later on, we're gonna make a baby.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: And my truck is made out of beer.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: That's every country style ever written.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you guys so much.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm getting the greenhouse.