Latest / The Diva Details / Generations of Desire: Sex, Body Image & the New Rules of Intimacy

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Generations of Desire: Sex, Body Image & the New Rules of Intimacy · The Diva Details

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Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
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Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep.
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Well, hello. This is Diva Mia. Today I'm going to talk a little bit about differences
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between sex and body education.
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Depending on what generation you come from, I think a lot has changed over time.
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And we have grown a lot over the generations, but some things have kind of gone backwards.
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Why don't we just kind of dive right in today and talk about sex and body image
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and how we feel about ourselves. Back when there were baby boomers,
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so the baby boomers, just so you know, it's 1946 birth rate to 1964.
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The message back then was don't talk about sex if you were born in the baby
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boomer age. Sex was a duty.
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You got married first, or you got married and you had sex first,
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but it was a duty. The duty was to reproduce. It was all about reproduction.
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If you think about it, it's after both World War IIs and we had lost a lot of
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people. It was a duty to get married and to have sex. You don't discuss it. You just do.
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Female pleasure was rarely discussed. I know I've talked a lot about female
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pleasure on this podcast.
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But it wasn't discussed very much. We, as women, have evolved in a way that
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we can now talk about it with our friends. We can talk about it on our podcast.
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We can talk about it in public. They even talk about it on the news sometimes.
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Female pleasure is something to be enjoyed and discussed. But we'll get to that in a little bit.
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Then body image was shaped by magazines and men's approvals.
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If a man didn't like the way you looked, you could feel bad about yourself.
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Marilyn Monroe was very curvy, and she was one of the biggest sex symbols ever.
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But it was a thinner look, but Marilyn Monroe was a size 14s.
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It's amazing how things have evolved over time, but body image was completely determined by men.
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Now, I think women have more of a say in body image, but there's still a big male component there.
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But boomer women were taught to be chosen and not to choose.
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They were taught that they had to look a certain way, act a certain way in order
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to be chosen. It was a very superficial thing to do at the time because all
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they wanted was to get married. That was their duty.
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And then Generation X came along, and that's my generation, 1965 to 1980.
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My generation was told to be sexy, but not too much.
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This was also the rise of porn because of technology and MTV.
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And there were supermodels everywhere. We would look at Teen and Vogue and all
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the different magazines.
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And sex became visual before emotional. Sex kind of opened the door for more
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of a promiscuous type of sexual experience for a lot of people.
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It was a conflicting message because we were very independent people.
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But we were trying to be independent as well as being desirable.
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We learned how to have sex a lot of times from the movies, but not from mentors,
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because people still weren't really talking about it much.
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They discussed it, but not like they do now.
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We were kind of a wild group of people, Jason X, and we're still,
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we ran a lot of businesses, but sex wasn't really discussed.
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Then the millennials came around, and they were born between 1981 and 1996.
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They were the generation of social media. And sex for them was everything is
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sexual all the time. Nonstop sex, sex, sex, sex.
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Throw up as much sex as you can on social media and you compare yourself to everyone.
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And sex became very positive, but there was no emotional context behind it.
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They had a pressure to perform and document and monetize their beauty and to
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record it and to publish it and to make money off of it. The millennials,
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they didn't get sex occasion.
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They got performance pressure. so we had a
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little bit more sex education but the millennials they didn't they just
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kind of got thrown out there from a younger age too so they evolved and then
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came 1997 to 2012 and that's generation z generation z is a lot of the teenagers
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these days and their message is to identify first and have intimacy later and,
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They're more open, but they also have a lot of anxiety. I know my son said he
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was nervous about kissing a girl because he didn't want to get accused of sexual assault.
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It's a generation of crazy wokeness, the Gen Z, where the wokeness came about
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during the millennial time frame, but they have really put pressure on Gen Zers.
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I feel sorry for them. They're not into sex. They have less sex,
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but they label everything.
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Everything has a category or a label. Their labels have really trickled over to society as a whole.
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But they are anxious about sex. A lot of them haven't even kissed people by
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the time they're teenagers.
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It's open about it, but they will not move forward.
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That's why you'll see teenagers sitting on the couch next to each other texting each other.
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There's more information, but the confidence is not there for the Generation Z.
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It's sad because they know everything
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about sex they make comments they make jokes about
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it but they don't know how it feels because they're told
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to be very cautious about anything related to sex
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they've been over sexualized visually but they've been understimulized physically
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that's the generation z it's interesting how it's starting to evolve because
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some of these people are 20 years old now and are about to be 20 years old and
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they are having issues related to sex It makes you kind of wonder what will
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happen with the procreation of the species.
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But what we were never taught is that across generations, these truths were missed.
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And they were missing across all generations. Because no one ever taught us
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that desire changes across a lifetime. It changes as you age.
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What happens when you're a teenager is not the same as what happens when you're an older adult.
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The pleasure that you learn over time, it's not automatic.
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When you're in a relationship or when you have sex, it's going to be the same
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your entire life. And it's not.
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That pleasure is learned over time. As you get more and more experience,
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you learn more about your body.
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As your body ages, you can also become more sensual and more sexual.
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You can have better orgasms. The orgasms, I will say that I have in my 50s,
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are way better than I had in my 20s.
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So the orgasms can be more explosive.
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And the sex can be amazing because your self-worth can be higher.
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But sex and self-worth are not the same thing.
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How you feel about yourself can be a sexual thing as well.
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I mean, we were taught anatomy, but never intimacy, never sexuality as the way
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that it happens through social media and other types of means of information.
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But no generation was taught how to love our changing bodies, and our bodies change.
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Not everything is as perfect as it was in your 20s. And as you evolve,
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we were taught to critique ourselves, especially women. I know I'm right there with you.
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That how you look matters more than anything else. The truth is,
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ladies, how you feel about yourself matters the most.
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The most successful diet culture trick was convincing women that their bodies were the problem.
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Your body's not the problem. Your confidence, maybe.
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Your sensuality. Your desires. Your needs. Feeling comfortable with who you
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are because this is your body and you should truly love it, no matter how it
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looks. Social media has changed everything.
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I think that you should love your body no matter how it looks,
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but you should always still strive for health. Health is always the most important.
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Without health, you don't have anything, as they say.
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You have a million problems until you get sick, and then you only have one.
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So health is a huge thing to focus on when you're thinking about your body image.
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Social media, though, has changed everything.
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We are constantly comparing ourselves to, you know, AI models now.
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Before, we were comparing ourselves to 20-year-olds. Now we're comparing ourselves
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to perfected AI models that aren't even proportionally accurate.
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And so now beauty has become an algorithm-driven,
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Not just by influencers, but by artificial intelligence. It's only going to get more and more.
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Because sexual confidence has now become performative. If you don't have the
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sexual confidence, people are making AI models that do.
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These AI models are exciting to people because they're nervous to interact with real people.
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So the AI models are taken up because there's so many people that don't even
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want to talk to real people.
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They would prefer to talk to a fantasy.
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They would prefer to talk to someone that's not real. There's a hidden damage
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here because what's happening is people are creating dopamine burnout in their own bodies.
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It's a disconnection from physical sensation because they're not having touch. It's all visual.
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When that happens, there's confusion about intimacy.
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There's confusion about your intimacy with people and with your relationships,
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and it's ruining relationships. There's a lot of stuff on social media that ruins relationships.
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I know OnlyFans, there is a lot of men addicted to that. and it ruins relationships.
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They give money to women they don't know, and in the meantime,
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they're completely validating the partner that they're with.
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A filtered body, though, can never replace a feeling, an experience,
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a joy that you have from intimacy.
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Whether it's physical intimacy or just emotional intimacy, sexual intimacy is
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amazing. If you are only relying on social media to feel your dopamine hits, you're missing out.
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Social media isn't the enemy, but it's not being used correctly.
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It has not helped people that have normal aging bodies.
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Now, I'm a big one on saying your body doesn't need to age in the same way that
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it has in the past because people, a lot of times, they didn't know how to lift
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weights and they didn't know how to eat healthy.
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And now the information is at your
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fingertips. So you can be and become whoever you want to be or become.
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So your body doesn't have to become decrepit. You can find solutions to whatever ails you.
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It just takes discipline and perseverance. And you need to create an honest
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conversation, not just with your partners, but also with yourself.
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And figure out exactly what you want, and exactly what would make you feel more
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confident, and more sexual, and more intimate with your partner.
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Find out what makes you feel comfortable, and what doesn't.
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I mean, you can talk to ChatGPT and find out all kinds of things about your body if you don't know.
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You can find out how often people have orgasms. You can find out how it's like
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to be multi-orgasmic, what it's like to be with a person that likes sex as much as you.
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There's information out there that you can find that you may not have realized
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regarding sexual health.
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But it starts with rebuilding your self-image.
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And your self-image is so important, especially the younger generations.
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I think as we get older, our self-image actually improves. We don't really care
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so much about what other people think. We care more about what we think and
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how we feel. That is a huge place to be.
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But younger generations, they're like we were in our teenage years.
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Honestly, if we're honest with each other, we were also overanalyzing our bodies.
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The problem is now it's so much more in your face.
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We had magazines and other people to compare against, and now it's like in your face, nonstop.
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I think people need to start speaking to yourselves in the mirror and telling
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yourselves that you love yourself and enjoy who you are, every part,
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because our bodies are temporary.
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Even the whatever condition you're in now is a temporary condition because if
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you're moving in the right direction to change it, then it'll be different a month from now.
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It'll be different three months from now. It'll be different a year from now.
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Get yourself where you're comfortable. Don't worry about your partner.
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Get yourself where you're comfortable, where you want to be.
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If you want to be a bodybuilder, go be a bodybuilder.
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If you just want to be skinny and fit, go be skinny and fit.
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Don't let other people tell you how to be or how you want to be.
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Although I do think health is important, you be how you want to be.
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In order to do so, you need to consume content that reflects your future.
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So the algorithms out there, they will show you different contents.
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If you like a lot of bodybuilder competitions, you'll get more bodybuilder images.
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If you like a lot of plastic surgery, you'll get more plastic surgery images.
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It filters what you look for. Be careful what you're looking for.
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Otherwise, sometimes it can make you feel not so comfortable with yourself.
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But reconnect to yourself as you're figuring out exactly what you want, and then figure out why.
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Why do you want to be a certain way? Why do you want to look a certain way?
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This is for your self-image.
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I think we also need to reconnect with our senses and the sensation of touch,
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sensation of breathing, and even sleep and rest.
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I will tell you, sleep for me is like, when I can get great sleep,
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that's almost better than sex. I think it's amazing to get great sleep.
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Remember to rest and take care of yourself. And don't desire youth.
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I will tell you that there are so many women out there that are taking care
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of themselves now and into the future that look better than a lot of 20 year olds out there.
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They have just turned their bodies into powerhouses with.
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Proper diet, juicing, bodybuilding, proper supplementation. It's amazing to
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see their confidence because confidence is learned.
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It's not aged out. You should be more confident as you grow than you were when
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you were younger. And you should model self-respect for younger generations.
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If you're confident, it's okay. It's admirable.
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And other generations will look up to you. What you tolerate teaches more than
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what you say. if you tolerate disrespect from other people, if you tolerate
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abuse and lack of love, other generations will pick up on it.
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And confidence isn't pretending that you love your body. It's trusting your body again.
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It's loving things about you. It's loving things about your partner and enjoying who you are.
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We can talk about pleasure and confidence and body changes and responsibility,
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but realize that we need to have our own boundaries before we talk about any of that.
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We need to know what body changes we want, what pleasure we want,
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and we're responsible for all of it.
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We're going to try to normalize body changes over time, though.
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Realize that your body is going to change. Your joints may hurt.
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You might have some issues with some saggy skin here and there or some wrinkles. That's okay.
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There are things you can do to help with that. It's your choice whether you
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want to change things, though.
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You need to have your own boundaries set for exactly what you want in your life,
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not just physically, but intimately with your body image, who you are as a person,
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how much disrespect you will allow, if any, in your life, how much you expect
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people to raise themselves up
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to your standard, if not they're not in your life and not in your world.
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That's part of self-love, and that's part of self-respect.
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When you have self-love and self-respect about your body and about who you are as a person, you're
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the intimacy will become even
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better. As intimacy grows, your sexuality evolves, and it doesn't expire.
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I will tell you, ladies, as you get older, having multiple orgasms becomes easier
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and easier the more comfortable you are.
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The greatest sex education gift is teaching someone that you are allowed to feel safe in your body.
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You are allowed to feel comfortable in your body. Every generation and every
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person carries wounds, but we also carry wisdom in our body.
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Every wrinkle is a piece of wisdom. The goal isn't to be sexier than the next
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duration. It's to be more honest than the last and to be comfortable in our bodies.
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You can share this episode with your daughter because it's important to know
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that our bodies are beautiful, every single one of them.
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So what happens when we have relationships that aren't balancing us out?
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We may love different than they do or we may have more confidence than they do. It causes a clash.
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Every generation didn't just learn sex differently. we learned relationships differently as well.
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So what our relationships are, it's based off of how we've learned differently.
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What one generation calls loyalty, another calls settling.
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So one generation will say, oh, you settled. When you're loyal to a person for 30 years, you settled.
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You weren't happy, so maybe you did. But, you know, other generations say that was just being loyal.
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What one generation calls independence, another calls avoidance.
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So one generation say, I'm just an independent woman where another generation
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can say, oh, you're just avoiding intimacy or you're avoiding getting married.
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So most relationships, conflict isn't personal. It's generational programming.
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So a lot of the things that we do in society is because of how we were raised
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and how the social environment. I know when I was growing up,
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The big thing was you needed to be married by the time you were 30 or you were
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going to be called a spinster.
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So everyone pushed people to get married and get into relationships by the time
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they were 30 because nobody wanted to be a spinster.
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It's kind of funny because now you see a bunch of movies of women in their 50s,
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which is my generation, which were the ones that rushed to get married.
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A lot of us are divorced or widowed or in unhappy marriages in their 50s and
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because they got rushed and pushed into getting married. Now,
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there's so many different movies out where 50-year-olds are dating 20- and 30-year-olds.
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It's kind of interesting how the table has flipped.
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And it's women dating younger, not men. It's women dating younger.
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And women are really, Generation X, I will say, we are really coming into our sexual prime.
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In our face. And it's interesting how even Hollywood has taken notice and rolled
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out movie after movie about older women dating younger men.
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Because remember, baby boomers, 1940-64, they got married for security.
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They wanted commitment over compatibility. They just wanted the commitment.
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And in a relationship for them was more important than happiness.
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So the divorce rate was much lower as well. So they didn't really care.
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And their sex was private, but rarely discussed, and I don't even know if their
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emotional needs were met. I think it was tolerated.
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Bad sex was tolerated in the boomers.
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They were taught to endure relationships,
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not examine them, or not think about them or talk about them.
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Then Generation X came along, and the women were independent in our relationships.
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Independence was essential because the women were working as much as the men.
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We didn't want to rely on a man too much or anyone else.
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So our love was more of a partnership. We want to find the right partner and not be rescued.
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We were kind of pushing back against the baby boomers.
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It was kind of a direct affront to the baby boomers, but we did not want to
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stay in relationships that were bad, although some of us did settle too because
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there was still a carryover with pushing women in their 30s into getting married.
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So sex and intimacy, we had sexual freedom.
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There was that era when women were burning their bras. I don't know if you remember that.
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But we had emotional caution. It was a little bit more cautious.
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We weren't just marrying the first man we saw.
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We wanted to find love. Sometimes we did. Sometimes we didn't.
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But by the time we were 30, we were told we needed to get married too. But we loved deeply.
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I will say that one of the things that we did as Generation X is we kept one
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foot out the door. We were willing to leave if we had to.
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Whereas if it was a baby boomer, they would stay until the day they died.
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It's kind of cute because you still see the baby boomers around.
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They're the old couples still holding hands.
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They're at the pizza joint or sitting in the swing. or the rocking chairs, rocking together.
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I don't know if they were super happy, but they seemed like it.
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So that was what everybody was aspiring to have.
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And in Generation X, we started getting divorced a lot.
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Millennials came around, and then their expectation was completely different
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than ours. So Millennials, again, is 1981 to 1996.
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Their emotional availability is non-negotiable.
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It's all about their emotions. I mean, it's like a therapy session when you talk to a Millennial.
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Love has to feel fulfilling and expressive. millennials just
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really want to make sure that they feel deeply
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when they love someone they have high expectations for
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communications they're not going to settle there's a lot of millennials never
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settled and they'd rather be alone than in an unhappy marriage or an unhappy
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relationship there's a lot more single millennials than there were generation
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x sex and intimacy is positive it's emotionally complex and everybody talks
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about the feelings all the time even the men talk about their feelings.
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But desire has to be mixed. And it's about comparison. It's about happiness.
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It's about joy. But it's kind of exhausting because it causes a lot of anxiety
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because you're constantly comparing yourself to other people.
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Millennials, they want that soul deep love. They want that soul connection.
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They want their soulmate found. But they're terrified of choosing wrong.
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They always have this fear of missing out.
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The FOMO, where you find someone, they're really good, they're almost perfect,
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they're 90% there or 80% there, but they have a fear of missing out that they're
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choosing the wrong person.
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So millennials are constantly looking for someone else.
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Or they get into a relationship and they don't attend to it because they've
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got one foot out the door.
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And they're looking around to see if there's something better.
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They can self-sabotage their own relationships.
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So when they self-sabotage their own relationships, they wonder why they're
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still unhappy. Because they were with somebody that could have been a great
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partner that they could have grown together with.
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But they self-sabotage because they have that fear of missing out.
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And then Generation Z is emotional safety first. If a guy makes a woman feel
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uncomfortable, she backs away, and they don't talk anymore.
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I mean, this is the generation of ghosting. In fact, they've perfected the generation of ghosting.
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They identify with alignment before commitments. They say, are we aligned?
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This has trickled through all the generations.
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All these emotional, therapeutic, if you will, comments and ways to explain
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things have trickled all the way through. True.
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They're slower to commit than Generation X, but they're faster to exit, too.
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They don't want to play around. If someone upsets them, they just leave.
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They're not willing a lot of times to work things out. They'll just leave.
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They're more into less sex, but more conversation. They like to talk it all
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out. They will talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Now, for me, I'm not a big talker.
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I want to express my feelings, have a conversation, but then I try to let it
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go, whereas they will talk it out until you've talked it to death.
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But less sex for Gen Z is big and more conversation.
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And then they label everything. This was this label, or this felt this way,
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or this had an emotional connection.
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But they crave connection, but they fear the emotional risk.
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They don't want to type their emotions because they've been so taught anxiety and fear of everything.
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Don't go outside because you
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might get hurt. Don't go play in the street because you might get hurt.
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Stay in the house. Whereas Generation X, we were the opposite.
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We were left outside to fend for ourselves.
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So Generation X was like, go for it. And now Generation Z is so scared because
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they haven't ever actually gone for it.
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They haven't tried new experiences. And when they run across new experiences,
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they're terrified of them.
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So when relationships are like this, you have to understand that you have to
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meet your expectations with reality.
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And if you are dating a younger person, whether you're a man or a woman,
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you need to understand what generation they come from because it can impact
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your relationship. Boomers want a provider.
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They want stability. They want respect through sacrifice. They'll sacrifice
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for the man, but they want respect.
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They're okay with emotional distance as long as they are provided for and they
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have stability. Whereas Generation X, we want equality.
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We want partnerships. We want freedom. We want independence.
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We want passion, desire, autonomy. But sometimes it's inconsistent from our
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partners because it's a lot to expect.
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The equality, the freedom, the juggling. It's kind of anti-masculine and feminine, honestly.
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And millennials, they want emotional fluency. And they want to be fluent emotionally.
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They want to grow together.
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They want to have passion and validity. Millennials, they get burned out a lot
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because they are just constantly trying to keep up.
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Remember, if you're dating a millennial and you're in your 50s, it can be challenging.
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In Generation Z, they're more about safety and alignment.
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They're okay not having sex with somebody for a long time as long as they align and they connect.
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It's all about mutual healing, all their traumas that, I don't know where they're
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getting all these traumas from, but they've got mutual healing and they always have safe spaces.
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And they analyze things to the point of analysis paralysis because it's always
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about analysis. It's always about overthinking things, which for them causes a lot of anxiety.
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So if you're dating one of these people, you have to realize that every generation
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has corrected the pain of the last and created new pains, new anxiety,
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new issues around sex and intimacy and relationships.
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Older generations see younger ones as too sensitive and younger generations
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see older ones as emotionally unavailable.
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They think we're into sex, but we don't connect emotionally.
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One value is longevity and another value is fulfillment. And I think I'm kind
25:01
of caught in between the baby boomers and the Generation Z where I want a long
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relationship, but I also want to be fulfilled.
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And staying together used to be the goal, but now it feels being seen is.
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Having a connection, having alignment, being happy is the goal.
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Whoever you're with. I will say that through the generations,
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boomers divorced way later in life, after they endured, after they suffered.
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The women suffered a lot in the boomer generation.
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Generation X divorced once we got disillusioned. Maybe our partners cheated
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on us or it just became completely miserable.
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And millennials, they just delay marriage or opt out altogether.
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They don't get married at all. And then Generation Z, they're still questioning
25:39
the institution completely.
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So I don't even know where that's going to go. But millennials,
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they're delaying if they get married at all.
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And divorce didn't rise because love failed.
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Expectations have completely changed. Social media has reshaped things as well.
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It's reshaped our relationships.
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We have constant comparison, unrealistic emotional standards,
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and instant access to little tolerance of other people.
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It hasn't really ruined relationships, but just raised expectations.
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Some teaching skills too. You can learn a lot about relationships on social media.
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But the swipe culture in dating apps has created an endless choice.
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You may be with someone and then you're constantly fearing of missing out to
26:16
look for someone else and you lose out on a good one.
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So, because there's less patience for repairing relationships and always going on to the next.
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There's more people exiting and fewer conversations to discuss things.
26:28
We've never had more access to people, but the capacity for intimacy has also been decreased.
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So you need to look at your generational wiring and communicate your needs to
26:38
your partner and stop expecting everyone to know what you're expecting. Saints.
26:43
Because everybody's gone through decades of conditioning on how to behave.
26:48
Choose curiosity in your relationships over criticism and then redefine commitment
26:52
as presence, not permanence. Redefine your commitment.
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Think about it. Are you present in your relationship? Because healthy love isn't
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about finding the right person in a generation. It's about unlearning the wrong
27:03
rules for that generation.
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Realize your partner. They may not be perfect because we come from imperfect
27:09
models of love. We've inherited unfinished lessons throughout the generations,
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from generation to generation.
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So the opportunity now is not to judge other generations, but to understand them.
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Integrate the differences, integrate their wisdom, because every generation's
27:23
got some really good ideas.
27:24
Because love has evolved, and so we must too.
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Learn what you can. Grow into the best version of yourself.
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When you grow into the best version of yourself, physically,
27:33
emotionally, sexually, you will find the best version of the person you're looking
27:37
for. That best version of the person you're looking for may be phenomenal because
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you've grown into the best version of you.
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That's what we're all looking for, is to get to the best version of us to find
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the best partner that we can have for the rest of our lives.
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This is Diva Mia. I hope that you can find love.
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I hope that you can find happiness and joy in your relationships.
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In your sex, and in your self-confidence.
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I hope that dating after you're 50, 40, 50, 60 gets better as you get older.
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This is Diva Mia. Have a wonderful day. Take care.
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We'll see you then.
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Podcasts are researched and accurate to the best of our knowledge at the time
28:53
of recording information and change over time no guarantees are made regarding
28:55
the accuracy completeness or reliability of any statements or opinions presented
28:57
it is the responsibility of the listener to verify any and all facts that may
28:59
influence their decision this podcast is for information and entertainment purposes
29:01
only and should not be considered professional advice.