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Why Narcissists Want To Hurt You (On Purpose) · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So are narcissists planning on hurting you from the beginning?
• 0:04
  Are they planning on doing damage and harming you from the
• 0:08
  very beginning of the relationship or, or, or does it
• 0:11
  just happen naturally? Is it just an accident?
• 0:14
  Does it just come out of nowhere?
• 0:18
  That's what we talked about today.
• 0:19
  Y'all, Of course, if you're new here, I'm Lee Hammock.
• 0:21
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:24
  The Narcissist Code. Yeah, I love the narcissist code
• 0:44
  intro, but I told you before, we're transitioning over to the
• 0:48
  mental illness podcast here pretty soon.
• 0:50
  Longer videos, interviews galore.
• 0:54
  Just be ready to tune in and you know, support the the people bid
• 0:58
  being interviewed and whatnot. But yeah, to answer the question
• 1:02
  at hand, are narcissistic people planning on hurting you from the
• 1:07
  beginning? It depends.
• 1:11
  I know I just made y'all mad that you like Lee.
• 1:13
  What the hell? Why'd you do?
• 1:14
  Why would you do that to us? No, it really does depend,
• 1:17
  right? Because are there narcissists
• 1:20
  out there that absolutely from the very beginning of the
• 1:23
  relationship that plan on hurting you?
• 1:26
  Yes, there are a ton, a metric ton of narcissistic people that
• 1:31
  absolutely think about hurting you from the very beginning.
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  Like it's from the word go. They're thinking about doing
• 1:37
  harm to you and putting you through things they're thinking
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  about doing damage to, they're thinking about, they're thinking
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  about all the insidious things that they can do to you that
• 1:47
  they can get pleasure from, right?
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  A lot of them are doing that. There are a lot of narcissists
• 1:51
  out there that do that, that are actively pursuing pain, that are
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  actively pursuing hurt. They're actively pursuing doing
• 2:00
  damage to you from the from the onset.
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  And it's not just you. If a narcissist plans on hurting
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  you from the beginning or a psychopath, right, if they plan
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  on hurting you from the beginning, guess what?
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  Everybody's going to get it. It's not just you.
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  There are so many people who of course it's happening to you.
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  So you, you're going to personalize it because it's
• 2:23
  happening to you, but it's not just you.
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  Everybody that has been in a relationship with this person
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  has gotten it in some way, shape or form.
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  So many people that I talked to, so many people that are in my
• 2:35
  support group, the mental healers that you can find at
• 2:37
  mentalillness.net, so many people that are in those groups
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  and things like that really like really just get into their minds
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  is like, it's just me. They only treat me like this
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  because they tell you that, don't they?
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  A lot of narcissist people will tell you that like it's just
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  you. I'm only treating you like this.
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  No one else gets treated like this because no one else is a
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  horrible human being like you. No one else deserves to be
• 3:00
  treated like this but you. They'll absolutely, 100% put it
• 3:04
  directly on to you. And so of course you're going to
• 3:06
  start thinking it's just you. It's just me.
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  I, I didn't do I, there's nothing I can do to make this
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  person happy. It's just me.
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  It's just me. You some saying they want you to
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  personalize it because then you take accountability for the
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  stuff that you are going through.
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  You take accountability for them abusing you or them treating you
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  like shit for them hurting you and things of that nature.
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  You take accountability for that right there and you see, you see
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  where you see where it goes in that point right there.
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  You know what I mean? But not every single
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  narcissistic person is the same. I think we can all agree on
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  that. I think there's so many people
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  out there, so many narcissistic people out here that are not
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  planning on hurting you from the beginning.
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  It just gets that way. And let me, let me reel it in
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  really quick because I know as soon as I say that there are,
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  are a lot of people out there who will take the, what I said,
• 4:00
  right? They'll hear me say that and
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  they'll be like, well, I should give them another chance to that
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  since they didn't mean to hurt me rightly.
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  No, that's not what I said. I did not say that.
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  So no, don't give them another chance based on one thing I just
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  said in this video. No, absolutely not.
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  I'm saying that all even though they don't, they don't plan on
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  hurting you from the beginning. They still do.
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  They still put you through it. They still take you through
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  there. You see what I'm saying?
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  They still will put you there. They will still put you through
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  the pain and suffering because that's just the patterns that
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  narcissistic people have, right? So don't let me saying don't let
• 4:37
  Lee Hammock saying, well, not all narcissists plan on hurting
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  you from the beginning. Don't let me saying that make
• 4:42
  you feel some empathy or some sympathy towards that person and
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  give them another chance. Wait.
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  Well, Lee, that you right? They said they didn't mean to
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  hurt me, so I should just give them another chance.
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  No, that's not what I'm saying either.
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  Come on y'all, we got it. Makes my head hurt.
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  I know there's so many people are searching for love.
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  So many people are searching for affection.
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  So many people are searching, searching, searching, right,
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  searching. And you see where it ends up is.
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  You see where it gets us. You see where it gets you.
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  It gets you in this toxic relationship dynamic that is
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  extremely difficult to leave. It just does.
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  It gets you in this space where it's hard as hell to leave.
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  It's hard as hell to cut this person off.
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  It's hard as hell to leave this person alone because you said
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  you get so embedded and they they get so embedded in your
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  life, it's hard to dig them out. Like a damn tick, like a little
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  narcissistic tick. They got the little 8 legs like
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  an arachnid. And they Burrow deeply within,
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  deep within your heart. And it's hard to get them the
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  hell up out of there because they promise you a few, they
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  promise you a future, they promise you better treatment.
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  They promise you better behaviors.
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  They did so they've done so much for, they've done so many,
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  promised so many things to you that it gets, it can be
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  difficult to just cut them off, right?
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  But that's what I'm saying right now, no matter what, whether or
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  not they meant to hurt you or not, they still do.
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  So the intent sometimes does not matter.
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  I have actually have a shirt, right?
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  I don't have it on right now. I wish I had it on.
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  It'd be perfect. It's called impact.
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  It says impact over intent, right?
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  Because the impact is the most important part, the intent.
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  They could have good intentions. I want to love this girl and
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  treat her, treat her the best, and then they cheat on you.
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  The impact of it, if they hurt you, they might not have
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  intended to hurt you from the very beginning.
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  They might have intended to cheat on you from the very
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  beginning, but the impact was you're hurt.
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  Impact over intent. So the intent does not matter.
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  You see what I'm saying? That does not matter a lot of
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  times. Sometimes you can bring it in,
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  right? And I try not to speak in
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  absolutes. Sometimes it doesn't matter, but
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  sometimes it does. Sometimes it absolutely does
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  matter when you're dealing with somebody.
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  It has this personality type, right?
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  It absolutely does matter when you have somebody that's going
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  through something like this and you have to deal with them.
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  So are they planning on hurting you from the beginning?
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  Like I said earlier, it really depends And do it.
• 7:04
  Look, and this right here, can't I know what question I'm gonna
• 7:08
  get? The question just popped into my
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  head so I'm gonna go off script wooly.
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  Can you have a healthy long term relationship with a narcissist
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  even if they don't plan on hurting you?
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  I personally ask someone diagnosed with NPD.
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  Don't think healthy in relationship.
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  Healthy and narcissist go together.
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  I don't think the words healthy relationship and narcissist go
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  together. They don't.
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  I just don't believe that to be true.
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  Right, Bully? You're in therapy.
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  Would you say you and your wife have a healthy relationship?
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  It's healthier than ever than it ever used to be.
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  I promise you, some people look at our relationship saying that
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  y'all are in a healthy relationship.
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  But they're still. Yeah, like most relationship,
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  there's still going to be issues and problems and things like
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  that. But we address them in a
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  healthier way, Right? You see what I'm saying?
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  I don't think. And I've been in therapy for
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  over 8 years, over 8 years, over 100 therapy appointments now.
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  I've been doing that to put the work in.
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  You see what I'm saying? I put the work in.
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  I've done that. I've I've won't, yeah, I'm not
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  going to stop putting the work in because it benefits me and
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  the work they put the work that I put in that benefits me,
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  benefits other people as well. Other people benefit from the
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  work that I do on myself. So me, I can have a healthier
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  relationship because I put the work in.
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  Is your partner or your ace or your husband, your wife?
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  Are they willing to put the work in?
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  Willie? They said they would.
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  I don't give a about to say I don't give AF.
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  I don't give a damn what they said.
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  Are they doing it right? Is them putting the work in
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  contingent upon you staying? If they, if I'll put the work
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  in, if you stay with me, I'll go to therapy.
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  If you stay with me, that means that they're only going to
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  therapy to they, they're only going to therapy because of you.
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  They're not. I feel like they have to be
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  doing, they have to have a greater purpose to go to
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  therapy. I feel like the purpose has to
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  be greater than just keep getting keeping in the
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  relationship, keep the relationship going.
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  I believe that's what it has to happen right there in these
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  situations, these scenarios, You know what I'm saying?
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  I believe that that has to be true.
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  That has to be, this is not a back and forth type of thing.
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  They have to have a bigger reason to go to therapy and work
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  on themselves other than just keeping a relationship together.
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  Because if the relationship falters, they're not, they're
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  just going to stop going. So that means that they really
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  didn't want to seek help. They were just going to therapy
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  to keep you there. So, so healthy relationships
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  with narcissists. I don't believe that they truly
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  exist, right? Especially with a pathological
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  narcissist that has done 0 work, right?
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  I know we got off. I know we got off on a tangent,
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  but I just had, I had to answer those questions right there,
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  y'all, because I know that they're going to come up.
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  I know that there are people out there that are going to watch
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  this video and hear me say, well, Lee, they didn't mean to
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  hurt me. So I should have given another,
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  another chance. I have to dig deep into that.
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  I hope y'all understand that, right?
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  Of course you do. Y'all been ride with me for
• 10:02
  years, five years y'all. We've grown up together on
• 10:05
  YouTube. That's why I like in Spotify and
• 10:08
  Apple, Apple Pocket, wherever you watch this at, we've kind of
• 10:11
  grown up together and y'all seen the changes that I've made in my
• 10:13
  personality dynamic, right? Y'all see how my viewpoints have
• 10:16
  shifted on certain things and that's why I feel like I have to
• 10:19
  do the interviews, right? I'm still going to do narcissist
• 10:21
  videos here and there, but most of the stuff is going to be
• 10:23
  interviews. Like I have 9 interviews
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  recorded already. I the 10th 1 is planned for the
• 10:27
  planned tomorrow. So I've got a lot of interviews
• 10:30
  coming up with people all across the mental health spectrum are
• 10:32
  going to be answering some of these questions in greater
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  detail than I ever could, right? So that's what I'm telling y'll
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  whether or not they intend to hurt you from the beginning is
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  irrelevant. All the behavior is OK.
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  We'll wrap it up with this, this next line right here.
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  Whether or not they they intend to hurt you from the beginning
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  can truly be irrelevant. But you have to ask yourself the
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  question right here. Are you OK with the behaviors?
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  Are you OK with being treated like like less of a person?
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  Are you OK with getting the bare minimum?
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  If that getting the bare minimum sometimes not even all the time,
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  y'all? This is the crazy thing about a
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  lot of narcissists. When they offer you the bare
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  minimum, they don't even give you the bare minimum all the
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  time, right? They offer you the bare minimum
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  sometimes right? Sometimes they offer you the
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  bare minimum not even all the time, which is horrible.
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  I know you like well damn lady, they offer me the bare minimum,
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  but it's the bare minimum. I don't want that.
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  I don't need it. I don't care.
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  I don't care for that. I don't care for this.
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  So you have to ask yourself that question right there.
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  Is this OK? Do I want this?
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  Whether they're in, whether, whether they intend to hurt me
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  or not from the beginning, I'm still hurting.
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  I'm still hurt. I'm still sad.
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  I'm still a victim of abuse. I'm sometimes I'm a, I'm still a
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  victim of violence, right? Emotional, mental, physical
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  violence. You see what I'm saying?
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  So you have to ask yourself, answer those questions for
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  yourself right there, because those questions are important.
• 12:01
  Like you have to go out there and seek the help.
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  You have to go out there and put the work in.
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  You have to go out there and be empowered and strong as you
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  possibly can be. But I'm telling you, narcissist,
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  they'll keep it going from the very beginning.
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  But if they, even if they don't intend to hurt you from the
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  beginning, something happens in their minds that makes the
• 12:16
  relationship shift and then they start hurting you.
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  And then they, once they start hurting you, they very rarely
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  let up on hurting you. Could there, could there still
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  be some good times after the relationship starts to go to
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  hell? Yes.
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  That's what keeps a lot of people with narcissists.
• 12:31
  They're still going to be good times, right?
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  There's still a good time. We had good times.
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  Like we still, we, you see what I'm saying?
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  That's what keeps a lot of people there.
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  That's what keeps a lot of people involved with them
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  because they were good times. And so many people are living
• 12:44
  off of the good times. So many people are doing it
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  right now. So many people are battling and
• 12:50
  living off the good times. Is can be very difficult to do
• 12:53
  anything else to move forward or whatnot.
• 12:55
  Yeah anyways. I truly appreciate every single
• 12:58
  one of y'all leave a like a comment if this video helps you
• 13:02
  in any, any way, shape or form. Subscribe to the channel if you
• 13:05
  have it already. Like I said, the mental illness
• 13:06
  podcast is coming soon. Link in the description to apply
• 13:10
  to be on the podcast. It's like a it says it's a mini,
• 13:14
  it's a TinyURL. It says TinyURL mental illness
• 13:16
  podcast guest form or something like that.
• 13:18
  You can fill that out to be on the show, be interviewed and
• 13:21
  whatnot. If you're a therapist, if you're
• 13:22
  a survivor, if you have your own mental health issues or you're
• 13:25
  battling your own mental health stuff, you can be on the show
• 13:28
  too. All things mental health, all
• 13:29
  things mental empowerment, all things mental fitness anyway,
• 13:33
  job mental illness.net for everything.
• 13:35
  I'm out. Peace.