Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Discovering You | Part 2 of our conversation with Beth McCord

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Discovering You | Part 2 of our conversation with Beth McCord · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Hi friends, welcome back to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are new here, we are so glad you've decided to join us.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Ashley Pittman and I, Amy Wicks, are your hosts of the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: We believe we are all on a journey to live out the call to love the Lord with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Our mission is to inspire and equip you to live an unplugged, purposeful, and intentional life.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: We hope to encourage you by sharing stories of our friends who are living out their calling and purpose with passion.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And thanks to our friends from Enter the Worship Circle.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: The ones who wrote this song that you're listening to are Ben Pasley and Carla Adolf, who have been so kind to share their song.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: This one's called Heavenly Things, and it's from their album down here and up above.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure and follow them for their latest releases and profound thoughts at entertheworshipcircle.com.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, before we go any further, you are listening or about to listen to the second part of a two-part series.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have not yet listened to podcast episode number 37, stop this one and go back to listen to part one.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Today we are continuing our conversation with Beth McCord, who is also known as your Anneagram coach.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: You may have gotten this podcast a week early if you were a podcast VIP.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: But if you didn't, last week we ended right before we were going to talk about the Anneagram number five.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: So we jump right into that part of the conversation.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: After hearing the rest of the numbers, stay tuned to how you can continue the journey to discovering your number.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Now here's the rest of our conversation with Beth McCord.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: Number five.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we're almost there.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um okay, so five is the investigative thinker.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um now their fear is the fear of annihilation, being ignorant, invaded, incapable, not existing, or having obligations, obligations placed upon them.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: That sounds like a deep problem.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, annihilation and non-existence.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_03: That's intense.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_03: I'm curious about that, but carry on.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so what they desire is to be capable and competent.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and where this where you can understand the five is in their core weakness, which is called avarice in the Enneagram.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_02: Now, avarice usually means um like greedy with money.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, but this is a different um uh description, so I'll explain it a little bit.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: So avarice for them is that they feel that they lack inner resources and that too much interaction with others will lead to catastrophic depletion.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: So this leads them to withhold themselves from contact with others.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um and so they want to what they want to do is they want to minimize their resources and needs so that they don't have to have as much contact with others.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Interesting.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_02: And now this doesn't mean that they're not with people and they're always, you know, you know, somewhere else.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: They're they're they're you know amongst us.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: But what we have to understand is how their inner resources work for them.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_02: So how I describe it a lot of times is a cell phone battery.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: So an extrovert is someone who's like a brand new phone, the phone battery lasts till the next day, they just keep going.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, an introvert might last to about you know uh maybe the evening, 75% of the day, and then they need to recharge.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: And a five is even if they are more extroverted, meaning that they do kind of get a little recharged by people, inherently they only have about 20 to 25 percent battery life, meaning internal resources to be with people.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: Now, if you have a phone that you know you you know is not gonna last all day, you're gonna either ration how you use your phone or you're gonna bring a cord with you and hopefully there's a plug somewhere.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: You can recharge.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so you can recharge.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_02: Now, how they plug in is by going alone, recharging, having a private space, uh, so they can process their thoughts and feelings.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_02: Now, a lot of times they'll do that at home, they'll have a very specific place that only they're allowed to be in so that they can fully think, recharge, be themselves.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Their chair, their room, their cave.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_02: Now, they can do that in other places, but it's a lot more challenging.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so it's like us trying to find, you know, an outlet somewhere.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so what we need to understand is for them, they know how much inner resources they have for that day, and so they plan accordingly.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_02: So the reasons why they don't want to have obligations placed upon them or surprises or intrusions is not because they're not kind people, it's because that delete or that depletes their batteries really quick.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: So it'd be like me taking someone's phone who only has 15% left and um forcing them to watch a live streaming, you know, Netflix show.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's just not gonna work, they're not gonna last.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: And so when we have a surprise for the five, or our the five husband comes home from a day's work where he's rationed out his energy and he's literally at like two percent.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: And the wife says, Guess what?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna go over to the Smith's house for dinner.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: That's not gonna fly.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: And and the other spouse might be like, Don't you like people?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like, that's not what this is.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's I literally can't.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: So it'd be like someone saying, Well, why can't you use your phone when you're at 2%?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: It's because I can't.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's going to die.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be catastrophic.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: And it literally, and so people understand that this feels like there's gonna be catastrophic depletion, that there's no way they can uh come back from it, and that's what it feels like.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: It helps you to have compassion for the five and what they're dealing with.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so Ashley, do you think you're a four with a five wing?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_03: I do, yeah.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: You identify.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_03: I do identify.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: So we're talking about spot.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's not catastrophic.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not I'm not dying here, but my whole life I've just wanted my own spot.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_03: Like, can I just have my own space in the house?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_03: Like it could be a corner, it could be a whatever.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_03: And in my house, I don't actually have a spot, and it has been quite irritating.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_03: Like it has been a real source because my husband has a spot down in the basement where nobody bothers him.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_03: I have no spot, so I'm constantly on.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Looking.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_03: So I think maybe this is actually helpful for me to understand maybe why I get so irritated.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you need to find your spot.
• 6:41
  unknown: Yeah.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_02: And again, it's it's where if we can just be honest with who we are and what we have.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_02: Now, that doesn't mean we we don't want to use the enigram as a sword where we say, Oh, you're being such a whatever number.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this is good.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's important.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_02: Just five.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_02: That is not going to be, you know, with our spouses, that's not gonna be helpful if we say that to them.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but we also don't want to use it as a shield, like, well, I'm a nine, so I just get to be slothful, too bad for you.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_02: I yeah, I am what I am.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's not gonna bring about the relationship you're desiring.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_02: But if we use it correctly where we're honest, and if a five were to, if if the family understood the five, and the five were to say, I would love to go to the Smith's house, but you know, because you sprung it on me, here's a couple options.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: I need 30 minutes to go and recharge and regroup, or I just can't go.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I mean, there's just you know, there's no way I can um mitigate this issue.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's really important for people to be able just to be honest, but they have to know themselves well enough to be able to have that conversation.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because most of us don't know what we need, and this is being able to articulate what we need or understand why we're feeling that way.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because I mean, I'm I'm imagining the five is probably even feeling bad that they feel that way because they know their spouse really wants to.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I know a lot of fives and seven marriages, and I can't imagine that combination, but probably where they conflict is the sevens, like you know, the energizer bunny and the five's totally depleted, but the five feels bad because they love their spouse and they want to keep up with them, but they just can't do it.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Right, they literally can't do it.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_03: And meanwhile, the seven's like, I need people.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that would be a conflict, yeah.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then feeling bad, like that they can't give their spouse the space or whatever, the room to recharge.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, it's so good.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_03: See, this is good.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone needs the interesting.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_03: I know you do, because you like you said, you don't know what you need.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_03: Sometimes you have all the feelings, but you don't know why or where it's coming from or what's gonna fix it, or how to set a boundary.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'm hearing boundaries happening here with a five, like a boundaries the ability to set boundaries would be helpful, and probably with all of them in some way.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I would think.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_03: But anyway, so good.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and uh and so much of it is just us being honest and compassionate with one another.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_02: And like I tell people, it's like you know, we each have a different color lens that we see the world through.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: And if you're a two or seven and your spouse is a five, well, the twos and sevens are highly relational and energetic people.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: Well, then if you put the lens of your type five spouse on, it's not that you know everything's gonna be perfect, but at least you have more understanding and compassion and mercy, and it can help and uh work together as a team so that the spouse can go, oh, this is why you do what you do.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_02: So I need to plan ahead of time and give you a heads up so that you'll have enough inner resources for that event.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: I can't just spring it on you.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: Because some people love surprises, fibes hate surprises.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_02: So now we'll get into um the loyal guardian, which is the type six, and their core fear is being without guidance um and support and security.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: They fear being alone, blamed, targeted, and they fear being physically abandoned.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_02: And uh fat or I'm sorry, sixes, their core uh desire is to have security, guidance, and support.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: And the reason for that kind of is shown in their core weakness, which is anxiety.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so see, sixes are walking around in a constant state of angst or anxiety because they're they're the way that they are, they're constantly scanning their horizon for possible worst-case scenarios or what could go wrong.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: And so they're trying to be prepared so that things won't go wrong.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um and so what happens with the the six, you know, remember we talked about type ones having the um sorry, you're fine, no problem.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_02: So the type that we talked about earlier with the type one, they have a um one inner critic.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: Well, the type six has an inner committee that is constantly chiming in from various locations, giving them all the different scenarios and possibilities that could happen.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: But they're coming from different angles, and so it's like, well, which one should I listen to?
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um so it creates a lot of confusion and self-doubt because they think it's them speaking to themselves, but it's this inner committee that's chiming in.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: What we want is we want the sixes to find their true self in the midst of this inner committee, because that's where the Holy Spirit speaks, and the Holy Spirit speaks clarity and direction.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but the inner committee can be so loud and confusing that it produces a lot of anxiety.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_02: And so what the six wants to hear, the message they long to hear is you are safe.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um and when we think about the gospel, that's exactly what we are.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: We're safe in the gospel, we're safe in Christ, He's taking care of everything.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: Now, of course, we still live on earth and it doesn't feel safe, but ultimately we're safe in Him, and so we can rest in Him and have courage through Him.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um now is a six like traditionally anxiety ridden, because it just sounds that sounds really hard.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: And it makes me go, I don't I I don't identify with a six at all.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just trying to like put myself in their shoes and think through what that would that would be.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, is and is and is a maybe a a real clear sign of a six, is that it's someone who you know struggles with anxiety a lot.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean, you know, all of us can struggle with anxiety for sure.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um but yes, the and and we didn't get into triads, so actually the five, six, and sevens, their emotional struggle is anxiety.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, um, but they do they exhibit differently.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_02: The sixes anxiety is your typical what you think of anxiety.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um and um, but yes, so when you're constantly being bombarded by worst scenarios, you can see why that personality would have more anxiety.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because they're seeing what could be possible.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: And they tend to be uh for them, they see themselves as realist, that they're seeing reality, that this could happen.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_02: Okay others can experience them as pessimists, and so that's uh something to kind of be aware of.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_02: But they long to hear that they're safe, and that's the biggest thing is um for them just to know that they're in the arms of Christ, that that He has them, that you know He takes care of them, He is the good shepherd is so important.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_02: What I realized is I didn't say the the message that Um the Five longs to hear.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah And the Five longs to hear that their needs are not a problem.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_02: They literally think that if they express their needs to others that they will it will be too much for the other person as well.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so God says, no, your your needs are not a problem to the point where I came because you had a need and I fulfilled it.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: And whereas the six needs to know that there's that ultimately in the end, God wins, He's got this, and He's taking care of all their needs, and He sees it all even before the need happens.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Which I mean, we all ultimately need to hear that.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: But that as I just think of some sixes in my mind, I'm like, oh yeah, that's the message that their heart really longs to hear and be told over and over again when you pray for them or when you're speaking encouragement to them.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_02: That's now the interesting thing with the sixes is that they're the most courageous on the Enneagram.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_02: Interesting because they're dealing with constant anxiety and they're overcoming it by moving forward in life, they don't feel courageous.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, some people say, Well, aren't AIDS the most courageous?
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_02: You know, they're so bold and go forward with such strength.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, well, they don't have fear, yeah.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so they're not really courageous.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, um, they're not overcoming anything, they're just doing it.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_02: So with the sixes, you know, we just have to realize that they're combating a lot of internal fear.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_02: Now, some sixes do appear fearful, and then there's other sixes that push through the fear with a lot of strength.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, and so not all sixes look the same, but what underlines everything is this inner committee of constant, well, don't forget about this, but it might be that, but there's this, and you know, plan for that.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: And so uh sixes, that's one thing that they're constantly battling is this inner committee, which is why they look for advice and um insights outside of them, whether it's people or a system, a belief system to follow.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: And they're also the ones who are gonna be prepared for situations of crisis.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna all they've already thought about that.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Very much we definitely need them.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh that's very much okay.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so then the seven is the entertaining optimist.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_02: We are, and when you see my little avatars on this PDF that you can download, they're ready to go, full of action.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: I have a I know I for sure have a seven daughter, and she is a ton of fun, and I really enjoy her, but yeah, yeah.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_02: My dad is an entertaining optimist, and it was funny because I took a picture of him for Instagram um on Thanksgiving, and he did the classic seven big smile, wide open mouth, and I was like, Oh, that's so funny.
• 16:23
  unknown: You're fine.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: That's great.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_02: So their core fear is being deprived, trapped in emotional pain, limited, bored, and missing out on something, especially something fun.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: So big FOMO's.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and they desire to be happy, satisfied, and content.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so how this looks like for them is through their core weakness is um gluttony.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_02: And this is really an insatiable desire to fill oneself up with experiences and stimulation, not just food.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so in order to avoid that emotional pain that they have, they pursue a variety of positive, exciting, stimulating um adventures and uh activities in life so that they can feel uh fully satisfied and content.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: But the problem is we live on this side of heaven and we'll never feel fully content and satisfied.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: So this is an ongoing uh process and problem quest for them.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um and so what you see is I I describe the sevens as having an internal bucket that has holes in it.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_02: And so, similar to what I was talking about with the cistern that doesn't hold water, yeah, it's a little bit more exaggerated with the seven because they're really striving to fill themselves up with all sorts of positive stimulation and excitement, and they're kind of like how we are as kids when Christmas is coming, anticipating for wonderful things.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but then we get to Christmas and it's like, really, that's it.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you have to wait a whole nother year, and so they're constantly in that perpetual state.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so what we want them to realize is that the message they long to hear is you will be taken care of.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so they don't think that this is true, and that's why they have to be the ones to fill themselves up.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: But Christ will fill them up with his full being and bring them full satisfaction as the spring of living water.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's yeah, that's good.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: I um it's been good to be able to frame um one of my daughters with just this understanding.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and again, I think it's just easier.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: We've actually, she's old enough that we can have conversations about it and talk about it and you know, for her to hear the examples and go and say, Yes, I identify this, but but then just helping her go, okay, honey, what is it that is in your heart right now that you're trying to run away from in order to be right, you know, and usually that's the goodbye, even um, in the process of what was the exciting thing and all you know, all our family lives out of state, so you know, it's always like the great anticipation of the trip and we can't sleep and we're having so much fun.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: But then the goodbye is so painful.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: And trying to help her process through that like while giving her hope of like, okay, this is what you have to look forward to, and then also go, it's okay to feel sad, and we're gonna feel that and and um we're gonna just you know identify it and but then know that there will be a point in time where you won't feel sad.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but you know, just I don't know, it's just been amazing and little, even in parenting how much that has been.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_02: No, that's that's perfect.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_02: That's just such a perfect analogy analogy of how to use it as a parent.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, like the movie Inside Out is a great one.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, I love that movie.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because joy is the quintessential seven, yeah, and she has to learn that you know sadness is a part of life and it's a good part of life.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: They need all of life and to embrace all of it to feel the fullness.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_02: So they're trying so hard to fill themselves up with just happiness, and as we saw in that movie, that that's just that doesn't bring the fullness of life.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and though it's scary for them to enter into some of the darker parts of life, what they'll find is that it will bring them greater fulfillment and joy that they're really seeking.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_02: But that's an excellent analogy as a parent to use.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: Good good job.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: Well done.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: Enneagram coach, mom.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: I know I was kind of thinking like maybe I should be an you know an Anne Graham coach just for moms of like how to parent better.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_03: That's an excellent angle.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_03: Write that down for later.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's great.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's get on to the eight.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, because I'm gonna be honest here at this point.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think I'm either a three with a two wing or an eight with a seven wing, possibly.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but I but I'm still I'm very, very confused and I go around.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: I know there's some ones that I am not, but anyway, so I'm that's I'm kind of excited to hear.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_02: Good.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: Let's hear about eights.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: Great.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_02: All right, so the eight, their core fear is the fear of being weak, powerless, harmed, controlled, manipulated, and at the mercy of injustice.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_03: That does sound horrible.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_02: It does.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_02: It is who wants to be controlled?
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_02: I don't.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: I do not like it.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_02: So the desire is uh to protect themselves.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I would even extend that to protecting anyone from injustice and harm, um, especially those that are in their inner circle, which is pretty small.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um, now their core weakness is lust or excess.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_02: And this isn't lust as in the relationship that we're talking about.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, this is a constant need for intensity, control, and self exertion.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_02: So they feel like they have to constantly push and exert themselves on anything and everything.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_02: So it's just this intense drive.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_02: They feel most alive when they're exerting themselves.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: With lots of passion and intensity and control.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's kind of will help you kind of see the internal workings of an eight.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_02: They can look three-ish in the sense of being a workaholic and um pushing themselves and all that kind of stuff.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_02: But what you'll see is there's a big difference between threes and eights.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: Eights are the most authentic on the Enneagram.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: Now, fours are trying to find their authenticity and being authentic.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: So they're striving to go deeper and deeper and deeper in the search of their authenticity.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_02: And then they do display their authenticity when they're there.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_02: The eights, on the other hand, they're not searching for their authenticity.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_02: They just are.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_02: So they say it like it is, they're blunt, they're straightforward.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what you see is what you get.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_02: They're not holding back, they don't even think to hold back.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_02: Whereas the three, on the other hand, everything is about image and appearing successful, appearing to be uh the right model of that society.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_02: So they're always shape-shifting, they're always putting on some sort of uh persona or achieving mask.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um I am a three, but confused because I keep trying all the different numbers.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: Could be.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, yeah, I don't know.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: This one is not me, but I'm confused.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, the eight, the AIDS would never think to be putting on a persona, nor do they really even know how to.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_02: I think I haven't.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_02: So that's uh, you know, something so a lot of people get frustrated with AIDS because they aren't um going along with society norms or you know, um are they not filtering?
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I have a maper.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I have an unfiltered person in my life.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I'm totally knowing for sure who's one.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I I he would identify for sure with an eight.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, and eights know themselves, and they're they're very proud.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_02: If you see my avatar, all the other types are like, oh, that's the type of type eights, and eights are like, Yes, that's me.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's hilarious.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think they're very yeah, they're very tough and rugged, and they want to show their strength and they don't want to appear weak.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, but they're they're so amazing, they're so um protective of their loved ones.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um, once you're in their inner circle, they will go to any length to protect you, to care for you.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, they're really just fabulous, fabulous people.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_02: I call them snow plows.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_02: They um that's good.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, they're either plowing a path for you, which is amazing, because then you have this beautiful clean road to drive.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_02: But if they're not at their best place, they could be plowing over you.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_03: We just talked about this this morning.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_03: She said, Do you have an eight that's walking all over you?
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, I think I do.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and a lot of times they're not even they don't even know it.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_02: So it could be a person that's just they're again exerting themselves with their, you know, the core weakness of excess and just being strong and powerful.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_02: They're not intentionally doing it.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_02: So we have to give them a lot of compassion and understanding that that's part of just who they are.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_02: At the same time, being able to say what needs to be said, like you know, a four and an eight, that could be hard because the eight's gonna say it like it is, and the four's feelings can be hurt.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so helping the eight to understand how that works and not to so much change them, because they're not gonna want to be changed, but how they can use that relationship in a better way.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, um, how they can say the same thing in a way that's gonna be beneficial.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um so um, but then yeah, this is one too, the eight that I think that if it if it's an eight, a female that's an eight, that that again would be uh a society that would be hard issue, you know, sometimes not accepted as widely, or feel like, oh, well, aren't they the bossy person and one who's running all over people and telling people what to do and they're so confident.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: And anyway, I can just hear something.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and that's so true.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_02: And it's um it's a shame, you know.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm hoping that over time, as people get to know the different types and how we all are beautiful, that female AIDS will be seen for who they really are, which is glorious and beautiful with lots of strength and passion.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_02: They see um, they have they work through their gut instincts and they see possibilities in um situations and in other people, and they will fight for those people to live those out.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_02: And so they have so much amazing, beautiful strength and qualities that yes, can be um misunderstood, sure, um, unfortunately.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_02: But I think if we understand how the eight works, we'll be really happy to have them on our team for sure.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's good.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_02: Now the message they long to hear is you will not be betrayed.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that's a huge thing for eights, is being betrayed.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and the good news about the gospel is that Christ was the most betrayed and has experienced that and understands um the sorrow, but he will not betray us, he will not forsake us, he has um taken us under his wings, and we will always be his.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's an important thing for an eight to be able to hold on to.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, absolutely.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_02: Now, the last but not least, type nine is my type.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_02: And uh, this is the peaceful mediator, and the core fear is being in conflict, loveless, shut out, in a discordant relationship, being overlooked, or just kind of anything where there's tension, uh feathers are ruffled.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's just anything like that, it's just not comfortable.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: Anything opposite of peace.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_02: Uh yes.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_02: So there, so our core desire is having inner stability and peace of mind.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so what happens is we will avoid conflict at all cost.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um, now that doesn't mean we won't mediate.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_02: We just definitely we don't want conflict towards ourselves for sure.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_02: But if we're in a room and there's some conflict going on, we'll try to mediate because it feels so uncomfortable inside.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so if someone's even having a debate or an argument, um, it feels internally like we're a two-liter pop that's being shooken up.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_02: It's just really uncomfortable and there's like this pressure, and it's like, please get me out of here.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_02: Interesting.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_02: And so either we'll want to leave physically or we'll want to try to help, you know, mediate.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_02: So a lot of times what what you'll see is we're like, oh, I see your side, and but I see this, and we do, we see all sides, and so we're trying to help people to put each other's lenses on their classes and see each other's perspectives because we think this is easy, people.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_02: Like if you would just see each other's perspective, you wouldn't be in such a you know conflict or up in arms, or um, and so we don't understand why people cannot see each other's different views and to try to get along and um uh at least uh kind of come to a better understanding of one another.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe you wouldn't agree with them, but at least you have an understanding.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's why I thought I might be a nine, is because the the conflict avoidance.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_03: That's one of the main things that threw me off because I despise conflict and I have that anxious something inside me is about to explode thing.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_03: But I think it must be something different, so that's interesting.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, huh.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um something that you long to hear.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_02: Well, first we gotta say what the core weakness is.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_02: So this will really help people to understand nines, and we kind of described it at the beginning with me, but their core weakness is sloth.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_02: Now, this does not mean um physical laziness.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, most uh US presidents have been nines.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_02: Interesting.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so Obama, Clinton, Reagan, Lincoln, they're all nines.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_02: But diplomatic laws.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_02: So this isn't yeah, and this so this isn't a physical laziness.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_02: Now, hey, trust me, us nines, we are perfectly fine getting in a hammock and relaxing.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: It's not definitely we can we can definitely go turn it off.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_02: This is a desire to not be affected by life, um, an unwillingness to be fully awake to ourselves.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_02: So our desires, passions, abilities, needs, you know, all of that kind of stuff.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_02: So we resist bringing our full selves to life because we feel like that's going to create conflict.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_02: If I say I want to do A, B, and C and someone else doesn't want me to, or they want something else, that feels like conflict.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_02: So we would rather not assert ourselves and just go along to get along.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_02: And that's a core weakness.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_02: Because obviously we do need to get out in life and be ourselves and do our calling.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_02: But what runs in the back of our mind is don't assert yourself, don't ruffle, you know, feathers, don't um, you know, throw a big rock in the ocean and you know, make a big splash and all that.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_02: So that's what's constantly running in the background of ourselves.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_02: And so we have to constantly wake up to what do I want in life?
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_02: What are my desires?
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_02: Where and like I said, we're driving in a fog, so we really don't know.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_02: We've conditioned ourselves to put it so far outside of our realm of uh vision that we just can't come to it.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_02: So a lot of people think we're just being stubborn, which we actually can be very stubborn.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um but a lot of times we just don't know.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_02: So if you were to ask me, hey Beth, do you want to go out for dinner tonight?
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_02: Sure, yeah, that'd be great.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_02: Well, where do you want to go?
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_02: Where do you want to go?
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_02: That's what a nine is gonna say almost every time.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_02: Because if I were to tell you what I want, if I knew what I wanted, um, like let's say I wanted Mexican, well, but what if you want a Chinese?
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_02: And to a nine, asserting myself before you say what you want feels like conflict because I would rather go along to get along than to assert my own voice.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um, now other people are like, but you're not being your authentic self.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_02: And we don't really see it that way.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_02: We see it as we just want peace and harmony and connected.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_02: We really just want to be connected with people.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_02: And so we don't want anything that's gonna bring disconnection.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I would much rather go and get Chinese if that's what you wanted, than to have any sort of debate about a restaurant.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_02: Like, let's just go and enjoy ourselves.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_03: So you would go without resentment, that might be a difference.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_03: So the nine would go along to get along and not be resentful about it.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_02: Most of the time, I mean I'm not gonna say like we're like so perfect at it.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_03: Um I feel like that might be a difference where somebody else might bend, but they're seething underneath.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but a nine seems more easy about it, yeah.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_02: Or the nine will feel overlooked, that's so that's a core fear of ours, but we'll even ignore that.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_02: So we ignore ourselves so much that it the more unhealthy a nine gets, the more literally ketatonic we become.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_02: The more we become numb to even our own self.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_02: So we have that you actually want to awaken.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_02: We have to awaken to know that we're feeling overlooked, you know, that we're not being thought of.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_02: So the more a person is a nine is healthy, the more that they actually could feel either resentful or hurt because they're recognizing they're being overlooked.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um now, would a nine sometimes like crazy assert themselves out of the blue when they seem like a real like easy-going peacemaker, um, someone who, you know, willingly compromises, and then like maybe if they have an eight-wing or something, they all of a sudden assert themselves in such a way that seems so opposite of their personality, but it's because they've buried themselves for so long.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: Snap.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_02: And uh not all nines will do it because there's some nines that are so um like the wings, like you said.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, nine with a one wing is probably not gonna do that.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, more passive.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_02: Or they might do it in a way that's not so explosive.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, but we are in the triad, which we didn't go through this, but we're in the triads with eights, nines, and ones, the gut instinct triad, where our emotional struggle is anger.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_02: Now, all nines are gonna say, What?
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_02: I don't have anger.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_02: We've suppressed it so that we can go along to get along.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_02: But yes, once we come to our quote unquote anger moment, which is awakening to ourselves, and we're realizing that not only have others overlooked us, but we've overlooked ourselves, right?
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_02: We get to a point, a point of explosion.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_02: Now, that does come rarely, it's like a volcano.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_02: We erupt and explode, and people are like, What just happened?
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like, this is not the person I thought.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_02: But it explodes, and then we kind of just go back to normal and we kind of almost act like nothing happened, and we're fine.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_02: So if you think about like a two-liter pop, we're shaking, we're being shooken up, shooken up, shooken up.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_02: And once you open that lid, it's just like full explosion, right?
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_02: And then all of a sudden it calms down.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_02: Well, what I try to teach nines is you need to know yourself well enough to know that that's starting to happen.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and so like when we shake up our pop and we don't want to open it with explosion, we just barely open it just a little bit to let some of that pressure out.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_02: And then we close it before it, you know, um, it comes out, and then we open it again and you know, close it.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_02: So what the nines need to do is that where they express themselves just a little here, a little there, you know, make themselves known, assert themselves, but not in this explosion.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um and it can be an explosion in the sense of being the opposite where they literally just go catatonic.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_02: So it's either an explosion outwardly or an implosion internally.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_02: And either one is that um good because the message they long to hear is that your presence matters.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_02: And for a nine, that's a huge one.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_02: I when I read that the first time, I just wept, you know, and I still will even tear up when I talk about it because we really don't feel like our presence matters.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and but of course we matter.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, God, Jesus Christ left heaven to come live on earth, which was so hard to go through all of this pain and suffering, to die on a cross, rise again just because we matter um to bring us back to Himself.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_02: And so when we realize just the fullness of the gospel, and that we're not just a person out there, that we're literally thought of intimately, that really can free the nine to then exert themselves in life into who they really are, not just going along with other people's wishes.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: And the other, the other piece I think I read once about the nine is that they find things to numb themselves with that they might be prone to some of those, whether like you know, internet or I just I can think of a couple things more addictive.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe not addictive.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_03: Or comfort junkies, but yeah.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_03: Comfort junkies, yes.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_03: See now I'm confused again.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_03: Now I'm back to maybe have a nine.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_03: I'm so confused.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_03: I need to do your I need to do your your course.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, because I'm yeah, confused again.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: So good.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's just yeah.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, that's awesome.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_02: So yes, that's all my types, and um, so it's just it's so important to find your main type first.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_02: And the reason is it's kind of like a GPS.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_02: You have to know your current location to then know where you should, you know, grow and also where you might veer off course.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so, like you said, my Discovery New course will take you through um kind of what we just did here, but even more.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_02: And it's gonna help you to know how each type veers off their course, what what it looks like when they're doing well, but also how to use the Enneagram.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_02: What does the symbol look like?
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_02: How you know what we talked earlier of stress and growth.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's gonna go deeper, but it's still only two hours.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_02: So I kind of distill like a full-day workshop in just a two hour.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_02: So you can just get through it.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_02: You can it's 14 modules, so you can break it up if you need to.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_02: Or you can binge watch the whole thing.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_00: Depending on your personality, not exactly, exactly.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um, watch it with your family, you know, have some good laughs and talks.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but that's just really rich content.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_02: And it's for anyone that's beginning too intermediate.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_02: So it's not so those out there that have read a couple books, you'll be surprised at how much you're gonna learn in that course.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so it's really important that people go through that first.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_02: So if someone wanted to get coaching either with me personally or through my online uh course, I'll always have you go through that first.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_02: So it's just a great place to start.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now, and we talked about, and I know we we only have so much time here because you've given us so much valuable time.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's great.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: I the idea of watching it with the family, I think a lot of people have gotten excited.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like this last weekend, I spent a weekend with um some sisters and another good friend, and it was like it dominated our conversation and it was it was awesome.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: It was really enriching.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I I loved hearing someone else read it out loud to me um because I saw it from a different perspective than just reading it in my brain.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_00: But that idea of like a lot, a couple of them were like, Oh, I want to, I want to get this but you know, book and read it with my family and you know, find out together because um, because it affects all of our relationships.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so just and also just to give us a little glimpse on the other side, um, what do you find personalities that just cannot really work well together?
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like you shouldn't actually work together or you shouldn't actually get married.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's too late if you're already married, so you have to figure out a compromise.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_00: Or once it would be very maybe we say you shouldn't, but it's gonna be harder challenges for more work, like do you see that and and kind of give a quick little synopsis?
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean, I know people are always asking me that question, and I wish I could tell you, like, oh yeah, if you're this number, don't go with this number, because um but I really don't think that's true, and I don't even think that's biblical.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and the reason why is that God created diversity, He created us to be with one another.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_02: I think really what it's about is if we are not growing, each spouse is not growing, the marriage is gonna struggle.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so it has more to do with are we growing, are we depending and surrendering on who we are in Christ and Him working in and through us.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_02: Even if our spouse is not growing, we can grow.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_02: We can remember we talked about the cicerons that don't hold water.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_02: Our spouses cannot fulfill us.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, um, no matter whether they're healthy or not healthy, they can never give us fully what we want for our children.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_02: And so if we do our own personal work and are growing and we're tapping into the spring of living water and the message we long to hear is coming from him, then we have an overflow into other people's lives.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_02: It no longer is us grabbing at other people to fulfill us, it is us pouring into them.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_02: And so it really doesn't matter what type you're with.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_02: What matters is are you growing?
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um it's not is your spouse growing?
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's are you growing?
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_02: Because we have to pray for them that the Lord would work through them in a way that they need to grow, not us telling them how they're wrong.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_02: That's not gonna be but it's us encouraging our spouse, understanding our spouse, um, being there for them, praying for them, knowing them well enough to know when they're struggling and how to encourage them, you know, correctly from their type.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so it has almost all to do with us not selfishly focusing ourselves, but focusing on ourselves so that we can bless others.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um now, yes, there are gonna be some types that are going to naturally rub some personalities wrong.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_02: But what's interesting is you could ask one type, they might say, Oh, this one type really, you know, frustrates me.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_02: But then you ask the same person of the same type, and they're married to one and they love them.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, it it really has a lot to do with personal life experiences and just so many other things.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_00: So like you talk about, there's the average, there's the healthy and the unhealthy, and that makes a big difference because I I tend to collect friends of the same number, but they look wildly different on the spectrum.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, and I can then just see, oh, well, you know, they're just an unhealthy place right now, and that I am not talking about you.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm talking about.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_00: No, it is just like going, oh, but that's how they frame life.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and do you fluctuate between like you're not like I have arrived, I am now a healthy four, or does it fluctuate?
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: No, we can't.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, I would love to be kids.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_03: That's what I'm wondering.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_03: Like, is there a day I'm gonna arrive at a healthy what, four or nine or whatever I am?
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_03: I think I'm a four, but it is like you're gonna get there.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_03: Well, heaven.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, but before that, while we're still on the as I go, I'm not gonna say that.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, before that, unfortunately, no, and that's where a lot of my coaching comes in, actually, in our first guide sheet that I take people through.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_02: I show them, you know, just what it looks like when they're under stress and towards growth, and I explain that growing is super hard.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_02: It's like walking up a river, and there's these waves that are pushing on you, right?
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_02: The current.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_02: And that's our per that's our lower part of our personality saying, This is hard, what are you doing?
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_02: This is crazy, it's throwing a temper tantrum inside.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_02: But you look around, you're like, but this is really good.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_02: But everything in you is screaming to stop doing it.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and so though, yes, growth is great, it's not easy at all.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_02: And so a lot of people think, oh, well, it should be easy, or once I arrive, I arrive.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, no, that current is constantly forcing you to go back downstream into unhealthy territory.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um to give into your greatest fears, right?
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, and that's why we have to be vigilant to be self-aware every day, all the time, which is why my family we use it every day, we talk about it all the time.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_02: Because if as soon as we're not aware, is as soon as we we just kind of let up and we let the river sweep us down, where because that's easy, right?
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like you just oh, I'll just kind of go down the river.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but down the river, what I tell people down there it there's um raw sewage and it's a landfill, and you don't want to be there, no one else wants to be there with you.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, and that is good.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_02: So either you can be down there or you can walk up the stream with the Lord's help and grow where it's really hard but beautiful.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's those are kind of our choices.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_02: But no, we're but staying up at the healthy, no, that's not like we We don't just get to stay up there and wish we could.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_02: We have to fight for it.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we have to fight for it.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_02: And and that's but it's a good fight.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that's where having a best friend or a spouse or a parent or colleague to cheer you on, and vice versa, is so important.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, for me as a nine, getting out there and doing this business, everything in me is saying, What are you doing?
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_02: Stop asserting yourself in a complicating life, you know.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I have to get behind myself and say, No, this is good, and push myself along and encourage myself that you know my calling matters and that I need to keep going.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_02: But that's till the day I die, that's gonna be a constant struggle of me wanting to be quote unquote slothful internally and not do my hard work.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_02: But so then what's cool is my family who knows this is you know, it goes against my nightness, yeah.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_02: They cheer me on and they say, I'm so proud of you, this is so great.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_02: And that really means a lot to me.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_02: Whereas if I was a type three, I would do this in my sleep.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_02: That that's super easy to accomplish and achieve.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_02: Not that it's like easy, like what they do is easy, but they just naturally do it.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_02: But the things that I would cheer them on is different.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's where it's just really important for us to understand one another and to know when to pray for one another when we're struggling, but also when to cheer each other on and really just give God the blessing.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah, wow, I can see how God is working in and through you.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um that's awesome.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, there's not a one answer that I can give you.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's what I was hoping for, actually.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, too.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_00: You shouldn't be with a type, whatever.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that's just not how it works.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_00: No, I think that's really good because I think that's the whole point of it, is that each because each one is a reflection of the character of Christ and what we all ultimately want to embody, then we can learn from one another and we can encourage one another.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: And um, and when we're aware of what you know each other's struggles are, um, we can just champion on our relationships a whole lot better with a lot more quality.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_00: But this is amazing.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_00: I just I just hope for the wildest success with all of this.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that, you know, the Lord has definitely um it's you know, it's just such a great time to be doing this sort of thing and sharing this message because um people are I think are really ready for just greater self-awareness.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_03: I think so.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_02: It's really powerful.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_02: I think especially this new generation that's coming, they want authenticity and realness and they want to know how to grow in in a real way, not just you know, an outwardly disp, you know, displaying exactly right behaviors.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_02: They want a real inward, so it's exciting to see that and to be a part of it.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, well, thank you so much, Beth.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_00: We look forward to seeing more of what you do and to hopefully take part in some of these courses.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm excited for sure.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thank you so much.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_00: Have a wonderful day.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_03: Bye-bye.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, that was awesome.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_03: That was awesome.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_03: I wish there was more.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_03: Like I could just talk about this forever.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_03: It is confusing because she talks about nines.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, that sounds like me too.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_03: What are we doing?
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_03: No, it's just confusing.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_03: I need to put this back in.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_03: No, but it's it's um interesting.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_03: So I would like to go further because there's things about four that I feel solidly, yep, that's me.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_03: And then she's talking about nines.
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_03: That thing, do you matter?
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_03: And the hesitation and not not being assertive.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_03: That's like my whole life.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_03: No, I'm not assertive.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_03: I'm I feel like I feel like a doormat, and it's not that people are trying to walk on me, it's just that I have trouble voicing or even knowing what I want.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_03: But then I'm over here on the floor and I'm like, you know, totally with the melancholy and you know, let's talk about pain and let's, you know, I I want to be unique, but oh, I'm so weird in that whole battle.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_03: So who knows?
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think well, and I think the whole aspect of the the triad, um the wings, the fact that we like the angles that we kind of go at when we're in our better self and not so good self.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because I just I definitely see how um for sure I can see it in other people, well mostly my spouse, yeah.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_00: But like that they're a number, but when you know they're feeling stressed or pressured or whatever, that this is the direction they go and those are the kind of um feelings they exhibit.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_00: So but I think all of that can make it a little bit confusing when we're going through and trying to process because we all like technically we all exhibit all of you know, we have all of this in us.
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's just there's definitely one that is more prominent than the other, and that's that's okay, and that's part of the beauty of it, is that we're so each unique that we all can't be perfectly, you know, like this one number, and that's it, and that's what and our life experiences come into it too and have a huge impact.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_03: So where I might look at myself and go, Oh yeah, I was depressed, you know, honestly, my whole life and had suicidal thoughts and tendencies.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_03: And then I learn about fours.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_03: Some of the people that were fours, Edgar Allan Poe, Sylvia Plath, people who had horrible lives, ended in a gutter or committed suicide.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like really dark tendencies.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I had I had that, you know.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_03: But then, you know, I became healthier and grew my relationship with God, and so that's not a thing anymore.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_03: But I still have other four, you know, it's just you know, yeah.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_03: So it could be that that's why I look back and see it.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_03: And I go, oh, well, that was just life experience or whatever it was, I don't know.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_03: Um, just a dark kind of a darkness.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_03: But that doesn't necessarily mean anyway.
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_03: So it's just a lot to learn.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_03: I can see she's got some good tools to um yeah to work it out and um and to understand and have compassion on the people in our lives who sometimes we clash with or don't work well with.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's interesting.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it is.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's really I just think it's so I mean just such a great tool um to help us with our relationships and then even you know, just even knowing like how you and I are working together and we're kind of have this team forming around simply wholehearted and the different pieces that we need to have in place as a team so we can be equally balanced and we can speak to you know all the different uh folks out there looking for you know living wholeheartedly.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's really important.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_03: And one thing I actually heard, um, it was actually probably on another podcast, I heard Beth um talking about her husband as a pastor tries to preach with that in mind.
• 50:14
  SPEAKER_03: Like he'll try to teach out of that.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, um, keeping in mind like numbers one through nine, how are they gonna hear?
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_03: Like how do they or what do they need to hear?
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_03: And so as he's preaching or teaching, he will kind of um address all of that.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_03: Address that.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_03: So you it's so it's that thing when you're sitting there in the audience, you're like, oh, it's like he's talking to me, you know?
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yep, yeah.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it it may be something.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, I mean I'm I'm totally serious about the idea because I have been thinking for a while, like there needs to be a specific like disc test or personality test for moms so they can know why they do what they do, but I've just felt like it was so um boxed into the four quadrants that I didn't know how to shape it because I felt like I didn't fully identify um with that.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I think with uh with having the nine different types, you could have some ideas of what it is as a mom.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then I I have a bunch of different speaking engagements um throughout 2018.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_00: And as I'm just thinking about speaking to moms and the different circumstances of like, okay, well, this this message is true, but it's not true for everyone, and so how do I take that one idea and that one message and help everyone to be able to do that?
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because you would apply it differently depending on where you are and what your struggles are.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely, and that also explains why um certain ones of us, if someone isn't that self-aware or understanding of the different types, might not um we might not connect with as well because they just don't have that style of communication or that ability to communicate to our unique person, right?
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and all of that sort of stuff.
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_00: So it's fun.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm excited.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_03: And I do, I don't I do.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_00: I want to learn more and kind of at some point pursue, potentially pursue, you know, and I can't wait for a friend to kind of throw out their their ideas of what number they think they are.
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I want to hear I want to hear other people too.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, yeah.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_00: What they're discovering because I feel really confused or if they've got it all down, like they know they're a five with a four-wing or whatever.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I want to hear their experiences and what it looks like, how they express it.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_03: Because it's all gonna be different.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's good.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_03: Because we're little snowflakes.
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yay, I love doing this.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is the best.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_00: So what did you think?
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_00: To be honest, I totally geeked out during this conversation.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you couldn't tell too much.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_00: But I think the Enneagram can be such a powerful tool for inner healing, not only for ourselves, but also our external relationships around us.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_00: We'd love to know if you have a strong guess on your number.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_00: And don't worry if you haven't figured it out yet.
• 52:43
  SPEAKER_00: Truly, after studying the Enneagram for about six months, I was still vacillating between my numbers.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that it's that hard, it's just that I'm that confused.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I did take Beth's Discovering You course and discovered that I'm for sure a three.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_00: To be honest, I really didn't like that number at first.
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_00: I would much rather be a helpful two or a creative, poetic four, or a really fun seven.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I have discovered I have a lot of those friends in my life.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_00: But as time goes on, I am learning to be really proud of my number and to see how the Lord has used my circumstances to strengthen my two and my four wings, which do help me with friendship and all my writing.
• 53:29
  SPEAKER_00: So we'd love to hear what you think your number is and whether or not you like the fact that you heard that number.
• 53:35
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want to sign up for one of Beth's courses, remember type in simply at checkout for 25% off.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, you can find all of the info in our show notes, as well as all the ways to follow and connect with Beth, who is your Anne Graham coach.
• 53:50
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure and share this two-part series with your friends.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_00: I promise you'll be so excited to start sharing all your findings and understandings, but they will need to know what you were talking about.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_00: So just get them on board.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been loving last season, I enjoy kind of writing out all the different podcasts and books I've been reading, listening to, and been sharing them with you.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_00: So, two of the books that I've just finished in the last couple weeks, I'm so excited to say their authors are gonna be on the Simply Wholehearted podcast.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_00: So next week we're gonna have Carlos Whitaker, who's the author of a couple books, and the one I just read was called Killing the Spider.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_00: You guys, this is a really profound book and could potentially be life-changing for you.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot wait to share our conversation with him.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_00: And the other one that I highly recommend is Allie Worthington's Fierce Faith.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_00: It was another one about confidence, boldness, and she also had a lot of practical tools and information in there.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_00: And her book just came out in January.
• 54:57
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure and check it out for yourself and stay tuned for the podcast that'll air in the next couple months.
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_00: And today I am getting to start on Sarah McKinsey's book, a new advanced release of it, Reading Aloud Revival.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_00: She is fantastic, and I can't wait to share our conversation with her about the time her book releases at the end of March.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, until next time, we hope you'll be joining us as we discover more ways to live a simply wholehearted life.
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_00: Unplugged, purposeful, and intentional.