Latest / The Living Freed Podcast / Why we need girl friends

Transcript

Why we need girl friends · The Living Freed Podcast

• 0:19
  Hey hey, welcome back to another episode of the
• 0:23
  Living Freed Podcast. I wish I could tell y 'all
• 0:26
  how much time pressure I'm under at the moment.
• 0:30
  I'm supposed to be packed right now. I'm supposed
• 0:32
  to be packed. I'm leaving for a girls trip and
• 0:35
  I am recording a podcast instead because I will
• 0:39
  have no other time in the next week to be recording.
• 0:42
  So yeah, I haven't thought about what I'm going
• 0:44
  to wear on this girls trip. I haven't given a
• 0:47
  single thought to makeup or no makeup. which
• 0:50
  hair tools to bring. All I've done today is meet
• 0:53
  one of my best friends for coffee, one of my
• 0:56
  guy best friends for coffee with his girlfriend,
• 0:58
  which I was supposed to be meeting her for coffee,
• 1:00
  and then he joined, which is fine. Love him.
• 1:02
  We had so much fun. Hadn't really spent any time
• 1:05
  with either of them in a hot minute, so it was
• 1:07
  good to catch up. But yeah, so I did that, and
• 1:09
  then I went shopping and got a new moisturizer
• 1:12
  and a sweater that I did not need to buy, but
• 1:15
  it is really cute, so I'm excited to wear it.
• 1:17
  and then a gift for the bride but all that to
• 1:21
  say i have not done anything else i was supposed
• 1:24
  to like at all i mean i read my bible this morning
• 1:27
  but that was it like truly that is it i feel
• 1:31
  so unaccomplished and yeah the pressure is hitting
• 1:34
  i mean i'm supposed to be leaving at well this
• 1:38
  is so sad y 'all i'm supposed to be leaving right
• 1:40
  now but i'm i'm not i can't i need to record
• 1:43
  this episode and then i need to pack and put
• 1:46
  on makeup and get dressed and then I should have
• 1:48
  done laundry. I'm just now realizing I really
• 1:52
  needed to do laundry for this thing. Dang it.
• 1:56
  Anyways, it's gonna be okay. This is part of
• 1:58
  life, right? It's alright. I am literally trying
• 2:02
  to convince myself everything's gonna be okay.
• 2:04
  I'm usually not this far behind. I just have
• 2:07
  not planned well at all and I'm very embarrassed
• 2:12
  about all of this, but some of the girls aren't
• 2:15
  landing till five, so it will be okay. That means
• 2:18
  they're not gonna get there till six. Yeah. Anyways,
• 2:23
  anyone who knows me and knows I'm going on this
• 2:25
  trip is probably cringing for me, and I haven't
• 2:28
  even pulled out my suitcase, y 'all. This episode,
• 2:31
  we are actually talking about female friendships.
• 2:35
  So, good timing, right? Because I'm about to
• 2:38
  go on an all girls trip. Super fun. So, let's
• 2:41
  dive into this week's episode. Okay, let's talk
• 2:50
  about the importance of female friendships. Personally,
• 2:54
  I hate the word female. I feel like it comes
• 2:56
  off very misogynistic, but it's going to be used
• 2:58
  a lot in this episode, so if you cringe like
• 3:01
  I do when you hear that word... I apologize now
• 3:04
  because I'm really apologizing to myself. I feel
• 3:07
  like I can truly speak on this subject because
• 3:09
  I have had the same best friend for 20 years.
• 3:12
  Shout out Serena. And I have a sister, so I've
• 3:16
  grown up having another girl in my life my whole
• 3:19
  entire life. And I have had my fair share of
• 3:23
  guy friends. But that being said, I feel like
• 3:26
  there's a lot of hesitation or a bad rap that
• 3:31
  comes with being friends with girls, so let's
• 3:33
  debunk some of those misconceptions of girl friendships.
• 3:37
  My favorite thing to hear a girl say is how she's
• 3:40
  only friends with guys because girls are just
• 3:42
  so much drama. Oh really? Girls are so much drama?
• 3:46
  Because listen up Buttercup, as a girl who has
• 3:49
  actually had too many guy friends to count and
• 3:52
  the thought of it makes her nauseated to even
• 3:54
  try, let me tell you something. I have never
• 3:57
  seen someone stir the pot more and enjoy it than
• 3:59
  a straight man. I know, shocking, right? Men
• 4:03
  love to cause, watch and initiate drama, and
• 4:06
  then step back like it wasn't them. What I've
• 4:09
  learned is girls will call each other out on
• 4:11
  our behavior and deal with the so -called drama
• 4:14
  head on. Men don't do that with men. Men will
• 4:17
  be passive and move on like it never happened.
• 4:21
  Okay, well, what about how girls gossip? Um,
• 4:24
  again. I can't count on one hand how many times
• 4:28
  a guy friend has greeted me and then asked what
• 4:30
  the latest tea is or if they can share their
• 4:33
  gossip with me. But girls stab each other in
• 4:36
  the back, do we? I mean, sure, I'm sure some
• 4:39
  do. But have y 'all ever seen how quick a guy's
• 4:42
  homie will DM his friend's ex as soon as they
• 4:45
  break up? Because I have. Yeah, yeah, but girls
• 4:48
  are just too girly. Like, I like to do dirty
• 4:52
  boy things, and girls just like to get their
• 4:55
  nails done. Okay, yeah, I'll give you that. I
• 4:59
  personally love to get my nails done, but my
• 5:01
  best friend doesn't. I actually don't know if
• 5:03
  she's ever had her nails done. I'll have to ask
• 5:06
  her. But we both love to hike. We would totally
• 5:09
  do a mud run together. Actually, we've unintentionally
• 5:13
  done a mud run together, I'm sure. And now that
• 5:17
  I think about it, heck, we used to play football
• 5:19
  after church together. Whatever reason you have
• 5:22
  for not wanting to have girlfriends and hang
• 5:24
  out with the boys instead, I can make a point
• 5:27
  in case and give you a story of a guy I know
• 5:29
  that did the exact same thing you blame girls
• 5:31
  for. There are all kinds of people to be friends
• 5:34
  with. We have the girly girls that are also known
• 5:38
  as girls girls that just naturally get along
• 5:41
  with other girls. She knows the girl lingo, how
• 5:43
  to dress for the girls and that they all just
• 5:46
  enjoy the same activities. We have the bruh girls,
• 5:49
  the girls that naturally get along with guys,
• 5:51
  typically because they have a brother or two.
• 5:54
  And I'm not talking about the kind that is friends
• 5:56
  with boys just for there to be male validation.
• 6:00
  That's a different type of girl we are not speaking
• 6:03
  of, but bro girl. She can hang out with other
• 6:06
  girls, but it might make her anxious or insecure.
• 6:09
  She just knows how to talk to guys. a little
• 6:12
  more naturally. She has the bro talk down and
• 6:14
  can keep a conversation going without a second
• 6:17
  thought. Girls girls get annoyed by bros girls
• 6:21
  because they seem like they're trying too hard
• 6:23
  or feel like the bro girl looks down on them
• 6:26
  and the feeling is kind of the same for the bros
• 6:28
  girl towards the girls girl. So back to why I'm
• 6:32
  talking about this. Being a hairstylist, I get
• 6:34
  the opportunity to talk to women all day long.
• 6:38
  That being said, you would assume I'm a girly
• 6:41
  girl. But, if you saw me out at the bar or around
• 6:44
  town with my guy friends, you would assume I'm
• 6:46
  a bra girl. I think you would realize a lot of
• 6:49
  assumptions are being made. The truth is, I'm
• 6:52
  kind of both. Growing up, I didn't have too much
• 6:55
  of an opportunity to have girlfriends. I had
• 6:57
  a couple, but when I was very young, all I had
• 7:00
  was my sister. My older brother and male cousins
• 7:03
  had female friends and those girls had siblings
• 7:07
  my age. but those siblings typically ended up
• 7:11
  being boys. Always freaking boys. We have a birthday
• 7:15
  video of me actually when I was like five and
• 7:18
  it's literally just me and the boys because I
• 7:21
  had no opportunity to be friends with girls.
• 7:25
  My poor little sister got dragged into all of
• 7:28
  my girly antics and I didn't really get to meet
• 7:31
  Serena until I was about seven and she was a
• 7:34
  lifesaver. My first real girlfriend. That was
• 7:38
  my age. But now I have lots of girlfriends and
• 7:41
  I'm so thankful for it. There's a reason it's
• 7:44
  important to have female friendships. And there's
• 7:47
  a reason I'm saying this. I hear in the salon,
• 7:50
  women and girls share their need for a friend.
• 7:53
  I see it posted in Facebook groups. I hear it
• 7:56
  asked for to be prayed over in small groups.
• 7:59
  Women need women friends for many reasons. One
• 8:03
  reason is because it's refreshing for our soul.
• 8:06
  like our actual soul. Think about Mary and Elizabeth
• 8:09
  in the Bible. I mean, yes, they were family,
• 8:12
  but the point is the same. Elizabeth was pregnant,
• 8:15
  and big surprise, Mary was too, but they got
• 8:18
  to share that joy and quiet peace together. I'm
• 8:21
  sorry, but a man could never. A guy would be
• 8:25
  like, congrats, homie, high five you and move
• 8:28
  on. Another reason is no one will stand by your
• 8:31
  side like a real female friend They will cry
• 8:33
  with you go through the ups and downs with you
• 8:36
  They will speak truth to you and laugh with you
• 8:39
  just like Ruth and Naomi Yes, they too were technically
• 8:43
  family, but they also had a friendship a strong
• 8:47
  friendship that got them through death hurt fears
• 8:51
  of starting over and got them to the good. Women
• 8:54
  give each other strength and courage. Think about
• 8:57
  the women at the foot of the cross. Jesus was
• 8:59
  still having hurtful things yelled at him while
• 9:01
  he was actively dying. Think of the strength
• 9:04
  and courage it took those women to stay there
• 9:06
  with him and then follow his body to the tomb
• 9:09
  as a group. This is the support that they gave
• 9:13
  each other. When you're hurt or your heart is
• 9:15
  breaking, you can't go to just a guy best friend
• 9:18
  and get the same comfort you would find in a
• 9:20
  girl best friend. I'm sorry, but you just won't.
• 9:24
  I remember there was a time I had ended things
• 9:26
  with a guy last summer. Y 'all have heard me
• 9:28
  share the story before in a different episode,
• 9:30
  but it was that guy that seemed to have everything
• 9:33
  I was looking for in a person until he proved
• 9:36
  to be far from it. Also, the fact that he knew
• 9:39
  my family and pretended to not was just weird.
• 9:44
  Anyways, I felt so defeated y 'all. Truly. I
• 9:47
  was so over dating. I was so overwhelmed with
• 9:51
  failure after failure of each guy I've dated
• 9:55
  because we never ended for normal reasons and
• 9:57
  it just started to feel emotionally like way
• 10:00
  too much. One day, I went over to my best friend
• 10:03
  Nikki's house. I sat at her kitchen counter and
• 10:06
  even though I tried to be strong, I just broke
• 10:09
  down and cried. I was just so tired and again
• 10:12
  overwhelmed by the weight of each failed attempt
• 10:15
  of dating. And Niki just, she came around the
• 10:17
  counter and just hugged me and we sat in silence
• 10:20
  and just hugged for a minute. I use this example
• 10:23
  because I had a similar situation with one of
• 10:26
  my guy best friends minus the crying, thank the
• 10:29
  lord. And you know what? I got a sorry bud pat
• 10:32
  on the back and that sucks. And that was it.
• 10:36
  Now... Male friendships do serve a purpose, especially
• 10:39
  when you're single, but that's an episode for
• 10:42
  another time. The point of that story is only
• 10:45
  a girlfriend could know I didn't need words.
• 10:48
  I just needed a hug. Only a female friend could
• 10:51
  sit with me in intentional silence and it not
• 10:54
  be weird. And only she could make me smile after
• 10:57
  all that and walk away with a full heart. God
• 11:01
  created female friendships for a reason. He created
• 11:03
  us to work together. understand each other. The
• 11:06
  pains we go through. Boys can't understand period
• 11:10
  pains even if they wanted to. They try to relate
• 11:12
  it to slamming a door on your hand or getting
• 11:15
  punched in the gut. You need a girl friendship
• 11:17
  so you can have someone to sit in silence with
• 11:20
  and it's still be in peace and not uncomfy. You
• 11:23
  need them for themed dinner nights because it
• 11:26
  brings out your soft side. You need them for
• 11:29
  random bursts of laughter and the friendly side
• 11:31
  eye you shoot each other that says, we are so
• 11:34
  talking about this later. Y 'all have heard me
• 11:36
  share the time I lived with my male cousin. I
• 11:38
  had two guy best friends at that same time and
• 11:42
  they spent pretty much every weekend with me
• 11:45
  and they typically brought other guy friends
• 11:47
  with them as well. On average, I was around four
• 11:50
  or more men for 40 eight plus hours at a time
• 11:53
  it was exhausting i tried to pawn them off on
• 11:57
  each other so that they wouldn't want to hang
• 12:00
  out with me i literally would introduce these
• 12:03
  boys to each other to be friends and then they
• 12:05
  all still wanted to hang out with me and this
• 12:07
  isn't like a type of thing where it's like i
• 12:09
  was just so cool the boys wanted to hang out
• 12:11
  with me no i think that they knew i would feed
• 12:14
  them and that i would be a great um wingman And
• 12:22
  I'm sure I was fun to some degree because after
• 12:26
  I would introduce them to each other, they would
• 12:29
  be like, all right, well, Hannah Liz, come on,
• 12:30
  we're going to go do this. When in reality, I
• 12:33
  was hoping that they would all hang out and I
• 12:35
  would get to go home in peace or I would get
• 12:37
  to go hang out with the girls instead of being
• 12:40
  dragged along. Because once I would pawn them
• 12:42
  off and they still wanted me to be around, I
• 12:45
  would try to pawn them off on girls when we would
• 12:47
  go out. And heck, I even would just walk away
• 12:50
  sometimes. but they would always find me. I remember
• 12:54
  one time we went to a bar and they did find girls
• 12:57
  to talk to. I walked away, called my little brother
• 13:00
  or called my younger brother to come pick me
• 13:02
  up, and as he was picking me up, one of them
• 13:05
  found me with a whole pizza and got in the car
• 13:06
  with us. Look, I love them. Do not get me wrong,
• 13:10
  but I want you to imagine you come home from
• 13:13
  a work and bam, a boy is in your house. Not just
• 13:18
  one boy. Maybe there's two boys and they want
• 13:22
  your attention Then you have to get dinner with
• 13:25
  them Then you go out to the bars and meet up
• 13:27
  with more boys You finally get to go home and
• 13:30
  hide in your room from them just to sleep Eventually
• 13:33
  you wake up in the morning and they're still
• 13:35
  there and you have to do it all over again And
• 13:39
  I know this is probably some girl's dream. This
• 13:41
  was my personal nightmare the male energy testosterone
• 13:46
  was just too much and I needed out I remember
• 13:50
  I came home one day screamed into the pillow
• 13:53
  in my bedroom and then prayed God would give
• 13:55
  me more God would give me more girlfriends that
• 14:01
  specifically loved him and you know what he so
• 14:05
  did now thank God I'm down to just one guy best
• 14:10
  friend praise the Lord And I'm almost better
• 14:13
  friends with his girlfriend than I am with him
• 14:16
  now. And I'm not mad about it at all. Y 'all
• 14:19
  literally just heard me say in the intro how
• 14:21
  I was getting coffee with her and he happened
• 14:23
  to tag along. I always make the joke though that
• 14:26
  if he exits my life, I will not be letting another
• 14:29
  man be friends with me. And I will work very
• 14:34
  hard to keep it that way because Lord knows I
• 14:37
  still have enough men in my life that I'm related
• 14:39
  to. and that I love very dearly. Those boys,
• 14:43
  though, could never see I needed a break. They'd
• 14:47
  ask me to go out. I would say, no, y 'all go
• 14:50
  have fun and have guy time. And they would say,
• 14:53
  no, we want you there. And I'd say no again.
• 14:57
  And then I'd end up out anyways, tired and wishing
• 15:01
  I was home alone for a change. And again, this
• 15:04
  episode is why you need girlfriends, not why
• 15:06
  I hate having guy friends because there will
• 15:08
  be an episode about if or should you have guy
• 15:11
  friends at all. But to my girlfriends, they know
• 15:15
  when you're tired or respect that you want to
• 15:18
  stay home and rest. They know when you can give
• 15:21
  them your emotional energy and support and when
• 15:24
  you need it and when you need to reserve it or
• 15:27
  need it in return from them. Unfortunately, men
• 15:31
  do not pick up on that. To them, you are just
• 15:33
  tired or sad and grumpy. They don't see the underlining
• 15:38
  emotion that women can. Girls girls naturally
• 15:42
  get it. They get the support, the see, the need,
• 15:46
  and fulfill it. They read the room, but for those
• 15:50
  who are broke girls who think they are getting
• 15:53
  it from their male friends, let me assure you,
• 15:56
  you are not, and you won't. You might get a tiny
• 16:00
  small diluted version of it from them, but you
• 16:02
  will never get the same as you would a real female
• 16:06
  friend. So, to my bros girls, I say this. Find
• 16:10
  another bros girl to be friends with. That's
• 16:12
  what I did. I realized about two years ago that
• 16:15
  all my current friends, like real girl friends,
• 16:18
  are bros girls. The chill, laid back girls that
• 16:22
  happen to hang out working along with guys a
• 16:24
  little bit better than their average girly girls
• 16:27
  girl. The girl that isn't afraid to get dirty
• 16:30
  would do a mud run or, unfortunately, pull out
• 16:33
  a dead baby rat from a barn while doing hurricane
• 16:36
  relief work and wouldn't run away screaming because,
• 16:39
  yes, that really did happen. Those are the type
• 16:42
  of girls I'm friends with, but at the same time,
• 16:46
  they hug you when you're crying at the kitchen
• 16:48
  counter. Now, I might lean a little bit more
• 16:51
  on the girly side than most because, again, I
• 16:54
  do do hair and spend 95 % of my time of my week
• 16:59
  with women and I love it. So I will say this.
• 17:03
  Rose girls need girly friends. They will bring
• 17:07
  out your softer side, your more peaceful, slow
• 17:10
  side. and they will humble you in the best way
• 17:13
  possible. Like I said earlier, there are all
• 17:17
  kinds of people to be friends with, and all kinds
• 17:20
  of girls to be friends with, but female friendships
• 17:23
  will feed your heart in the way that God created
• 17:25
  us to. We get to be strong for each other and
• 17:28
  strengthened by each other. It's easier to cry
• 17:31
  and laugh with each other, to share our fears
• 17:34
  or doubts, to cheer each other on, to pull each
• 17:38
  other up or into a hug. If you have felt convicted
• 17:43
  about not having girlfriends or for being anti
• 17:47
  -girlfriends, I hope this is your sign. And if
• 17:51
  you have been wanting to have better friendships
• 17:53
  or meaningful friendships but don't know where
• 17:56
  to start, here's a list. Find a Bible study group.
• 17:59
  Maybe join a local Facebook group that is focused
• 18:02
  on things that you enjoy. Whether that's outside
• 18:05
  stuff, hiking, camping, thrifting, crafting.
• 18:09
  fishing, reading, line dancing, etc. And finally,
• 18:14
  start your own group. Start a group on a subject
• 18:17
  that you're interested in and see who joins.
• 18:20
  And finally, pray it into God's hands. You obviously
• 18:23
  will need to take some action of some kind, but
• 18:27
  praying is always a good place to start. Speaking
• 18:30
  of which, let's pray. In kind words, thank you
• 18:40
  for the friends that strengthen you and build
• 18:41
  you up or give you courage. Thank you for the
• 18:44
  friends that humble us and set us straight. I
• 18:47
  pray that whoever is listening to this, if they
• 18:49
  need a friend, that you will give them the courage
• 18:52
  or the boldness to go out and seek that friend.
• 18:54
  Help them find a way to be that friend for someone
• 18:56
  else. In your name, Jesus' name, amen. Alright,
• 19:09
  that's all I have for you today. Thank you so
• 19:11
  much for listening to the Living Free Podcast.
• 19:14
  If you love the podcast, let's get connected
• 19:17
  and you can message me at hannahlizd on Instagram
• 19:21
  or email me at thelivingfreepod at gmail .com.
• 19:25
  And if you have a subject you'd like me to cover
• 19:27
  or feedback, you can also reach me at that Instagram
• 19:30
  handle or email. I would love it if you could
• 19:33
  go ahead and subscribe or leave me a five star
• 19:36
  review. Again, thank you so much for listening.
• 19:39
  I hope you feel encouraged and lighter today.
• 19:41
  Bye y 'all!