Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 4 - Episode 58 - Attending the arguments

Transcript

Season 4 - Episode 58 - Attending the arguments · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

• 0:01
  Hey everybody, welcome to the good morning from the Chicken
• 0:04
  Coop podcast. My name is Kim Johnson and I am
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  a mastermindset coach, creative strategist, and also happen to
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  be a farmer. This is my chicken coop and I
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  come out here every day to record a podcast to teach
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  distinctions, possibilities, new ways of thinking, and just bring
• 0:20
  some joy into the world. So welcome to the coop and let's
• 0:23
  start your day off in a fantastic way.
• 0:27
  Hey everybody, good morning. Today we're talking about
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  attending the arguments. So it has often been said you do
• 0:35
  not have to attend every argument that you are invited
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  to. And I cannot stress enough how
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  important it is to remember that.
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  If you do not want to attend the argument, you have to ask
• 0:47
  yourself, why am I entertaining the conversation to begin with?
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  The other person's point of view in an argument is their choice.
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  They're going to come out. And of course, if they invite
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  you to the argument, you have the opportunity to jump into it
• 1:01
  just like you do if you're invited to a party.
• 1:03
  You get the invitation, you open it, you look at it and you're
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  like, oh boy, OK, is this a party I really want to go to?
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  I don't know. What would I wear?
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  When is it? How long do I have to be there?
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  We invited to something. We take in a lot of information.
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  We start sourcing a lot of information.
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  We start thinking about a lot of it because we're we're being
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  thoughtful, right? We're processing this invitation
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  that we've been given, but when it comes to an argument, when it
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  comes to something like an actual argument, we never think
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  about this as an invitation. When someone throws something at
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  you, an accusation of thought that they have randomly, they're
• 1:44
  upset with you because of something you did, They're
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  they're providing you an invitation to look at what you
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  did and say, OK, do I want to attend this argument
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  conversation? Do I want to attend this, this
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  event that's about to happen with this per person?
• 2:01
  And it's not about ignoring it, but it's about choosing what you
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  want to do, just like you would choose an invitation to a party.
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  And when they say RSVP, you say thank you, No thank you.
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  Maybe you you give them information to by by which they
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  can go to make their plans. So think of it like this, when
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  the arguments show up and they do, believe me, they do, you
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  have to first and foremost look at this and say, is this who I
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  want to be? Do I want to choose to go down
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  this road? Because we all have the option
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  to choose to go down the road. At any point in time, we can
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  say, yes, I'm going to go down this road.
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  But for most of us, we don't like to argue.
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  And especially if you listen to this podcast, my belief is that
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  you have a whole different wire. And my belief is that you're
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  trying to grow and you're trying to make yourself better.
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  And that's why we have the types of conversations that we have so
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  you can. So when someone invites you and
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  they say they throw an accusation or something at you,
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  they they sharp, they speak sharply to you, they have an
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  attitude with you. You get to decide the focus you
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  want to give it the intention that you want to respond with.
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  So if you show up and they literally trigger you and that
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  you are now pissed off, you, you all of a sudden have to go, OK,
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  I'm angry and I'm going to respond in your head and you and
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  anger is driving your bus and you're, you've now said the
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  check the yes box. I'm attending this argument and
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  you're going to go all in with it and you better be prepared
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  because those types of things lead to other outcomes where
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  there's going to be more invitations to more arguments
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  and so forth and so on. Now, what happens if you don't
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  attend? That's always the big question.
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  Someone asked me the other day, well, what happens if she does
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  this or that? And then I have no choice.
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  But I have to answer no, you still have a choice.
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  You are a grown person, grown human being.
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  You have the ability to answer however you choose, but no
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  thoughtfully whether you're checking the box to attend the
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  argument or not. Because if you attend the
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  argument, then you have to go down the whole way because
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  you've you've jumped in and you say I have to defend myself.
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  No, you don't. It's not a court of law.
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  It's not a court of law. No one is telling you that you
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  have to defend yourself. Defend yourself.
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  If someone's attacking you, you can defend yourself.
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  And if someone's put you in a position where they've arrested
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  you and you're being put in jail.
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  But in most arguments, we don't have to defend ourselves.
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  And it's really hard, my friends, to remember that
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  because the person on the other side that's making the
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  accusation has already got a belief system around it.
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  And if they're asking you a question and they're saying,
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  Hey, did you do this? They're they're looking for
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  information for you to quantify this, like, OK, is this is this
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  true or is it not true? That's not defending yourself.
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  That's someone's asking you a legitimate question.
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  But if they say you know something really, really, really
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  hard about you're doing this and you're doing this and you're
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  doing this, that's where you feel like you have to really,
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  really defend yourself when they say it's absolutely happening.
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  It's a trigger. If you know you are not doing
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  those things, do you really have to fight about it?
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  And this is a personal choice. There is no right or wrong
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  answer. It's just this is a personal
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  choice and we have to decide how we want to show up.
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  And it's very hard to make a choice and say, I'm not going to
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  attend this argument and I'm not going to have to defend myself
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  because I know I didn't do those things.
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  And you don't even have to say to them, I know I didn't do
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  those things. You could just say, you know
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  what? This is not healthy for us.
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  This is not going to take us where we want to go.
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  And I have very different points of view on things.
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  And the best thing that we can do is agree to disagree and move
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  forward. Sometimes that's the answer,
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  sometimes it is. I don't see this the way you see
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  it. OK, great.
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  I appreciate that we have different points of view, just
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  like different taste buds. I don't like peas, but you like
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  peas. We have different angles from
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  this. But we can't stay in the past
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  and argue what happened because life doesn't have instant
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  replay. And what we need to do is move
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  ourselves forward. So this is all options and if
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  you choose to take them, sometimes the outcome is better,
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  often it's out better. So all right, my friends, I hope
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  you have a blessed day and I will see you all tomorrow.
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  Bye.