Latest / Spiritual Sense: Practical wisdom to quiet an overthinking mind and recharge your soul / Why You Keep Repeating the Same Painful Patterns and How to Stop

Transcript

Why You Keep Repeating the Same Painful Patterns and How to Stop · Spiritual Sense: Practical wisdom to quiet an overthinking mind and recharge your soul

• 0:00
  Speaker A: Why do we keep doing the same silly things over and over again, even though we know something could be different? Many people want to change their life, but they keep doing the same things again and again and again, stuck in the same patterns. We've all had New Year's resolutions or I'm definitely going to change this thing. I'm not going to do this thing. And then we still end up doing the same old thing over and over again for years and years. So if you've had enough and you're wondering, why is this happening? What am I going to do about it? That's what we're diving into in this episode. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the podcast. Blessings. Blessings. Blessings to you.
• 0:39
  Speaker B: Blessings to you, brother Michael.
• 0:43
  Speaker A: Yes, blessings, blessings. May everyone be happy, healthy, wealthy and free. That's what we're getting into today, isn't it? So, Shireen, tell us all about why are we doing stupid stuff over and over again even though we don't want to? This is the million dollar question, isn't it? Everyone wants to change. It doesn't happen what's going on.
• 1:05
  Speaker B: And it's not only we are doing it right. Also, like patterns of relationships and, you know, even if the relationship is not going well or something, we decide to stay or, you know, like you were saying New Year's, you know, wanting to do something different and still doing the same old thing or, you know, the same problems in the job. Right. The same pattern is repeating in a job. Every job you go to, you know, every city you go to, every state you go to, you move states and, you know, you change relationships and the same pattern repeats. Right? We need to get a handle on this because it's obviously not out there. If it was out there, then the next relationship, the next job would have fixed it.
• 1:56
  Speaker A: That's true. It's true. We have all kinds of reasons and excuses for things, but it seems to snap back. You know, that's the same thing with changing habits, isn't it? I am, every day I'm going to start doing this new thing, or every day I'm going to not do the thing that's bad for me. I'm going to give up drinking, I'm going to give up this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to exercise every day. I'm not going to have any sugar. I've never managed to give up sugar. Just, it's no, I've tried, I've tried. I'm just like, no, that's it.
• 2:23
  Speaker B: You know, sugar or chocolate and sugar together.
• 2:26
  Speaker A: Well, exactly. Sugar and I mean, how can you give up chocolate? Really?
• 2:31
  Speaker B: Absolutely. That's not a reasonable way to live.
• 2:34
  Speaker A: It's not a reasonable way to live. So some things are just unreasonable, but, but other things are reasonable and we still can't do them. So what is going on here?
• 2:44
  Speaker B: So let's talk about two researchers, right? Because again, I want to share that research is here so we can actually use it. Right. We are using every other aspect of science. Why not use this aspect of science? So this gentleman, Basil van der Kolk, I think was the one who found something so alarming, actually found so something alarming in his research that the brain not only, you know, wires the same pattern, but it's almost. If you try to wire a pattern differently, let's say, like you're used to certain familiar things, it will seek those familiar things again and again and again. Like if you're used to unstable family environment, you're used to abusive environments. It will seek that out because it feels familiar. So familiar is better than unfamiliar. Even familiar suffering is better than unfamiliar. So it will seek it out. It will seek the same pattern out.
• 4:03
  Speaker A: That's quite shocking actually, isn't it? Right, so it just likes the same thing. It's the devil you know, isn't it? The devil you know. It wants the same thing. Yeah, because it's used to having it.
• 4:15
  Speaker B: What happens is it's familiar. Familiar suffering is significantly to the brain preferable over unfamiliar joy. It's not because you're self destructive. It does feel like that when I look at some people and I'm thinking, are they self destructive? Why are they keep doing it? They keep doing it because they don't. The brain doesn't know anything better. But as spiritual things, we know the brain is just a machine. So let's talk about what is actually happening in the soul.
• 4:50
  Speaker A: Yes. So we got the brain. And the brain doesn't like to change because it likes what it's used to. Because the reason for that is because there's neural pathways and when you do something new, it's harder to do it. I'm sure everyone has done some research on this and really read about it. But when you do something new, the brain is goes, ah. And it has to rewire itself in order to do something new, anything new, which is why it's difficult to do new things. And then once it is rewired, whether it's thinking patterns or behaviors or whatever it is, then it can do it really, really quickly and easily because it's been. It's kind of like a, like a stone that has been smoothed by water in a way. You know, it kind of gets, it's, it changes its form. The brain is more like. Best example, I think actually is like a path. Hacking through a jungle is really pain in the ass. Hacking through a jungle, then you got a path and you can walk on it. Then they pave the path, then they make it bigger and then they turn it into one of these ridiculous Florida highways. I remember being in Florida, Shereen, for the first time and I'm like, how is there 10 lanes? 10 lanes. I'm like, well what is going on here in England? Like the most he's going to get is maybe three or four, 10 lanes. So that's what it becomes like in the brain, isn't it? It's a Florida highway when we get good at something. So then, then you try and do something else and it's just not going to happen. Because it's easier to go on the highway.
• 6:14
  Speaker B: Absolutely, absolutely. And you prefer it because it's just a familiar pattern that you prefer. Even though people are shooting at you on that highway, you still go on the highway because that's what is you're familiar with, right? It's not self destructive, so there's nothing wrong with you. It's not self destructive. And also to really understand what's going on, right, we need to understand that a few differences here. We need to understand that in our spiritual tradition, the Brahma Kumaris, our understanding is that anything physical, including the brain, is a machine that the soul, the driver uses. And so if we take this body as a car, then the brain is the engine of the car. It's very important. It's there, but it's still the engine. And it's not the thinking feeling. It doesn't decide to do things. The soul is the one that decides to do things, right? And so the this and because in the soul sanskaras or patterns, right? Impressions in the soul. Impressions in the soul are repeated patterns that you keep. Impressions are a lot of things, but let's just for this particular session call them repeated patterns, right? These repeated patterns actually decide what's happening with the brain. Because the samskaras are repeating these patterns, they are being formed or they're being sent into the brain as neuroplasticity, as the wiring of the neurons together. And so if I keep doing the same thing, the same old repeated patterns, there are two reasons why. One of the reasons is it we are not using our buddhi, our intellect, our wisdom, right? Our understanding, our awareness, we are not using that. And also we are not using the fact that we are souls, we are eternal beings, we are free beings, all of that. Just by remembering those things, we can have strength for the Samskaras to pick a different pathway, that's one reason. And the other reason is I actually don't know the path for peace or love. I just don't know. I don't know how to experience it. And because I don't know how to experience it and because I've never experienced it, then I just don't want to experience it. And so we have to find the path, the formula, the path, the 10 lane highway, however you want to look at it, for peace and joy.
• 9:11
  Speaker A: So we're in a weird situation where our brain likes to do the same thing again and again and again, even though it's bad for us. Research proves this. And we are spiritual beings who are separate from the body. And like Shireen was sharing the soul is the self. Who we are is the soul. And the body is sort of like a car. It's an organic car, right? It's not obviously it's not really a machine. It's not, you know, so it has certain, certain things going on. Different systems of the body and the brain is a fascinating thing. We love our body. It's amazing thing, the human body. But there is a driver, there is consciousness moving the body, making the body do things. The one who is speaking is the soul speaking. The one who's listening is the soul hearing. And so how does the soul interface with the body? And how does this apply to shifting our behaviors and our patterns?
• 10:20
  Speaker B: So we were talking about Samskaras and what I've noticed with Samskaras is that the Samskaras really are kind of like passive, right? They will go wherever the mind and the intellect goes. So really everything depends on your Buddhi or your intellect. And the Buddhi or the intellect can be fed properly. You know, it's like whenever I think of the Buddhi, I think of strength training. Strength training. And you know what they say about strength training, right? In the gym. Eat right.
• 11:06
  Speaker A: No pain, no gain.
• 11:07
  Speaker B: No eat right. And lift heavy. Eat right. And lift heavy. And so we have to feed the Buddhi or the soul or the intellect with a lot of very good wisdom, right? You have to keep feeding it. You have to keep feeding it. You have to keep feeding it, right? You were giving the example of the forest, right? A unknown, you know, like you have to walk yourself through a weird path in the forest versus there's a 10 lane highway. Of course, you prefer to go on the 10 lane highway. And so what happens is you have to tell yourself all of the ways in which that path in the forest is good for you. To forge that path in the forest is good for you. All of the benefits, you know, all of the wonderful things it's going to do, all of the experiences. You have to remember any of the experiences you've had before going that path, right? And so you have to do that and that so that you have to feed your. Feed, feed the soul with a lot of very, very good knowledge. And then you have to lift heavy means you have to do a lot of spiritual exercises. For example, let's say, for peace, right? What is the spiritual exercise you would do? So if you want that path in the forest to become a 10 lane highway to peace, right. What would you do is you would have to like there's a formula, become detached from the body. The soul is detached from the body. The soul is peace. The soul is connected to the ocean of peace. And then keep reminding yourself again and again and again and going through that path and really experiencing that peace, even for a few seconds, that's what is lifting heavy and that's what will forge that path.
• 13:11
  Speaker A: That's beautiful. I've been through forests, in jungles, in, in Hawaii with mosquitoes everywhere. And it is not a pleasant thing. It really isn't. Also going off the path in around here, you can get stuck in strange places with all these cactuses everywhere. So it isn't easy. It's easier just to follow something where there's a road there or it's just there. It is, it's the obvious way. So we have to be pioneers, we have to be innovators, we have to be, you know, adventurers to change ourselves. And most people don't really like adventure. And what you were saying this then Shereen, sounded like it was very difficult because actually it is difficult. That's the thing. Like we might as well just be honest about it. Like all these things, oh, you just do this one little thing and that's it. You're going to be good, go for the rest of your life. And we just click the button. Everything's going to be good, it's going to be delivered to me. It's all perfect. That unfortunately is not how it works.
• 14:13
  Speaker B: No. If they tell you. One second, Michael, if someone is telling you that they want your money.
• 14:21
  Speaker A: Just click the button and you'll be good to go.
• 14:23
  Speaker B: They want your money. Just remember that if someone is telling you this is easy, they want your money.
• 14:30
  Speaker A: Everything worth doing is hard in some way, right? But the thing is, when we acknowledge that it's going to be a little bit difficult, it actually gets easier because our attitude changes. And the key thing to keep in mind, there's a really great book, highly recommend it, called the Slight Edge. I'm a huge fan of that book. I'm promoting it. I'm not in any way being paid for this, but it's a solid book. And what it talks about is that changes can happen in a very profound way over time by doing little things that actually aren't that hard to do at the time you do them. So if we were to say to you, look, you're going to have to do 10,000 or 100,000 or a million thoughts in order to change your mind, your whole. You'll be like, a million thoughts, a million thoughts. How am I going to manage that? But if it's like, well, let's just have a little better thought now and then another good thought and another good thought, you just keep sneaking them in there one at a time. And. And each time you do it, it doesn't necessarily have that much of an effect on you in that moment, but over time, can you imagine how different your life would be if you had powerful, healthy, inspiring thoughts every day, again and again, little by little, for a year, how much better you'd feel, or if you just did a little bit of better exercise for five minutes a day for a year? You know, like these things. So what, what, when we talk about these changes to get to that forest, being hacked through and all these things, when you're doing it, nothing's happening. All it is is unpleasant work most of the time, but. But once it's done, then you get to enjoy it for years and years and years and years. And the process to get there is these little upgrades done consistently over a long period of time.
• 16:36
  Speaker B: I want to talk about what is that one thought you can have and this will work every single time. And do it like Michael is saying, 10 times an hour at the top of the hour, for a minute, whatever it is, right? This one thought is, I am a bodiless soul. I'm a point of light. I'm a being of light. I'm a soul. And my original nature is peace. If you keep seeing yourself as a soul, you see yourself as light and you deeply accept, yes, my original nature is peace. My original nature is where everything is very quiet, very still, very serene, peaceful. That is who I am. And you keep having that thought, and you keep having that thought, then you will be able to experience it. You will create a path, a new neural pathway. Right. First it happens in the soul, then from the soul, it happens in the brain.
• 18:03
  Speaker A: That's right. Powerful thoughts, little by little over time, gently, gently, gently. It all adds up. You know, I mean, I think one of the best decisions I ever made was to start doing meditation every morning. And when I started it, to be perfectly honest, I wasn't really doing meditation. I was just sitting there going, what's going on with my mind? This is. This is. This is disturbing. And noticing all these music, like, these songs in my head or some flashes of some, like, movie that I saw or something, it was just like. But because I kept doing it long enough, I can gain these lovely states of consciousness fairly easily nowadays. But it didn't happen right away. It just gently, gently, gently. So the brain likes to do the same old thing over and over again. And when we try and do something new, it doesn't like it. But if you do it long enough, then it will actually happen. And I'm a big fan of playing the piano. Like, so I love learning stuff. It is the perfect example of this, because whenever I start something, I'm just terrible at it. I'm just absolutely awful. Right? And I'm like, that's wrong, that's wrong. Everything about it is wrong. Right. I'm not doing anything well. But then as long as I don't give up my. Ah, that actually sounds really nice. I'm like, ah, there it is. Right? But that. That comes after a whole bunch of little things that didn't really work out very well. And most people don't like the idea of failing thousands of times.
• 19:48
  Speaker B: Right? Right. Or, you know, there's a lot of snake oil salesmen also. Right. Michael, the other day, someone came to take the foundation course in meditation, and.
• 20:02
  Speaker A: They came with a bunch of snake oils and said, you want to buy some of this?
• 20:06
  Speaker B: You know, they had one experience, I don't know, 10 months ago and saw one video on YouTube. And now they're spiritual. And not only they're spiritual, which they could be spiritual, but I was suggesting these exercises, suggesting do this so that nothing was going in. Nothing was going in because their cup was full. And you think that, you know, one experience is okay, but, you know, it really takes time. It takes time, and we have to get off our ego about these things. And so let's talk about just being a soul. Right? I'm A soul. I'm a being of light. I'm a soul. I'm a being of light. To really come into that awareness takes a lot of practice. But it is a practice really well worth it. If there's one practice that you do and you don't do any other practice for the rest of your life is I'm a soul.
• 21:20
  Speaker A: Yeah. And not just think it, but to experience that you are body less different.
• 21:26
  Speaker B: From everything, separate from the body, separate from everything. You know, from the story, from the nonsense that's going on, totally peaceful inside, safe, you know, all of those things. Right. To really experience that is actually a job of a lifetime.
• 21:45
  Speaker A: It is.
• 21:46
  Speaker B: And really that's the most profound thing you can do. Right. And that is what we need to do. And I want to talk about this. So even though research says this Basil van der Kolk or someone, he found out that I can never get this.
• 22:08
  Speaker A: They all have hard names, don't they? Most of these people have difficulties.
• 22:11
  Speaker B: I can never get his name right. Right. And then like with my Indian thing, accent and doesn't come out right. But anyway, you know what I'm talking about. I'll tell you. The research he's done. The research he's done is this, which we've mentioned before. The research he's done is that the brain actually seeks out familiar things. Actually seeks out familiar things. Even if it is really harmful and it's really messed you up in the past. It actually seeks out familiar things. And so. But there is a secret. First, you're not the brain, right? The soul is seeking out these things. The Samskaras are seeking out these things. But there is a secret. So you first secret is you keep experiencing this, right? I'm a soul, I am peace. You keep experiencing, experiencing that. But the second secret is that I am a soul. I am peace. That experience is the original nature of the soul. So let's go back to this path, right? You said one was a 10 lane highway and one was a, you know, a forest jungle. Forest jungle with mosquitoes. Forest jungle with mosquitoes. But actually there's a secret about the forest jungle with mosquitoes. The illusion that is, it's a forest jungle with the mosquitoes. You just go a little bit on the path and you realize actually it is a 10 lane highway with overgrown stuff, just overgrown old patterns, overgrown old things. All you have to do, there's already a highway there. It's already there. All you have to do is you have to move those overgrown things and you have to start experiencing it. Because that's your original nature. That's your original nature. That's the secret. Yeah, that's the secret. That's your original nature.
• 24:18
  Speaker A: That's very, very important point. It's very deep. Yeah. And when we connect with God, God has special machines to clear that, clear.
• 24:27
  Speaker B: The space absolutely quicker.
• 24:30
  Speaker A: So when we have, when we realize these things, we get divine support to clear it all out, to reconnect what is going on. This is. That's a very, very good point. It's an original state. It's already there. So it doesn't take that much. You know, you're not starting from scratch. A lot of people think they have to reach a spiritual state, as if it's this brand new thing that didn't exist before, but it's actually returning to something that is already there, that's always been there.
• 24:59
  Speaker B: Right?
• 25:00
  Speaker A: Yeah, that's very, very good point.
• 25:01
  Speaker B: And the illusion is the illusion that we are buying into and everyone around us is feeding. This illusion is. First, spirituality is something outside of yourself. Two, you have to pay a lot of money. Three, you have to do this. You can just press a click and then you'll get it, right? That's like the worst. I think that's the worst. Click and you'll get it.
• 25:26
  Speaker A: There's an app for it. You just need a new app, a.
• 25:29
  Speaker B: New app for it, and you'll get it right. And so this is because there's a business model around it. And so people are selling us these things and we keep buying it. So we are being double whammied here. You know what's the double whammied? My brain, soul, Samskaras. Everything is designed to keep me trapped in an old pattern, right? Because that's the familiar pattern. And I'd rather pick the familiar pattern than carve out another path. Two, everything around me is designed so that I sit in the familiar pattern, right? No one's making money saying, oh, you're a peaceful soul. The, you know, your original nature is peace. You're, you know, this is who you are. No one's making money out of that. You don't need anything else. Just sit, you know, remember your soul, your peace. Who's making money out of that?
• 26:28
  Speaker A: You just need a piece of bread and a bit of. And sit down for meditation and you're good to go.
• 26:32
  Speaker B: Exactly.
• 26:33
  Speaker A: No, it's true, it's true. No, it's too simple.
• 26:36
  Speaker B: So we're being double whammied. Not only are the brain and sanskaras, and the soul is not Helping, but everything around us is not helping.
• 26:51
  Speaker A: That's true.
• 26:52
  Speaker B: You know, and something I really want to talk about is one thing that's really not helping these days is scrolling. Right, not helping, not helping. It just, it's like a heroin to the brain, to the soul. It's like doing hits of crack or something. And what concerns me is every day the algorithm is getting better and better. The companies are getting better and better at predicting how they can give you more crack to keep you addicted. If I'm not able to get hold of that part of my life now, right, My diet, my online diet. Because remember I said, eat healthy, eat right and lift heavy. Eat right and lift heavy. The eating right is very important. Eating right is very, very important. If I don't get a handle on my online diet in this moment, in this moment, where really it's not, you know, they haven't still developed really, you know, more sophisticated methods of how to get you hooked. If I'm not able to do that now, then I'll never be able to do it.
• 28:17
  Speaker A: Yeah, a lot of people are, in a way. It's. They've gone too far. It rewires the brain. It totally rewires the brain. Yep. I mean, we've talked extensively about this. Turn everything off, get some space from it, you know, join a 12 step group if you need to do whatever you need to do. Because this is a serious addiction that needs to be broken down and we have to learn how to rewire our brain. But if we are constantly, we are not addicting ourselves, right?
• 28:49
  Speaker B: That's how do we do it right, you know? Yeah. How can we do it if we don't eat right?
• 28:55
  Speaker A: No. Yeah, you get your abs in the kitchen. That's what they say at the gym. But we get our, you know, we get our happiness, you could say, from our knowledge. You know, what do we, what are we thinking, what are we learning, what are we absorbing? You know, like, it's good to study spiritual texts, read inspiring books. That's fine. You know, certain podcasts, obviously we're doing a podcast, so we're not. Certain things are useful. But then there's all this other stuff. And it's not just media and the phones, there's all the other things as well. You know, your relationships, your physical diet, everything has an effect on us. And so the brain goes back to wanting the same old thing again and again and again. So like, even with food, if we're used to a certain state of, of mind based on our chemicals of our body, when we eat things, right? When we eat, food has an effect on us. And so that's why we eat the same things over and over again, because we're used to it. But we'd probably be a lot healthier if we tried new stuff out. I mean, when I go to the store, I almost consistently buy exactly the same stuff again and again and again. Good thing is that it's mostly all healthy stuff, nearly all of it. Right. But there's certain vegetables and certain types of food that I just don't. I just ignore them, right? Because I'm like, I tried that. I didn't like it. But do you see? I mean, this is what we're dealing with. We're like, I. I actually sometimes stand there in the store and I try to stand and go, let me see what's here that I'm not normally paying any attention to. Oh, I haven't had any peppers in a long time. Oh, I haven't. Because I'm not seeing it otherwise. I'm just going there and go, that's what I like. That's what I like. That's what I like. But we're doing the same thing with everything in our life. With our thoughts, with our relationships, with the media, with our. The daily practices. So to rewire it, you have to sort of step back and go, all right, what would actually help me get to the next level? And am I willing to try different things out? And the key word is different. It has to be. It can't be the same thing. It needs to be something different. Or it might be the same thing, but done more often. Right. There's two ways of changing. Do the same thing that's good for you, but more frequently, or try something totally different and then do that more frequently. But we often don't even see anything that is different because we're kind of in a trance state, wandering around, repeating ourselves endlessly.
• 31:37
  Speaker B: My recommendation, be a song, remember your.
• 31:41
  Speaker A: Peace, Just be a soul. That's a good start. Remember your go deeper and deeper.
• 31:46
  Speaker B: Your original nature is love. Remember these things. You don't have to go looking outside for these things. Just once you become aware of yourself as a soul, this will start coming into your life.
• 31:59
  Speaker A: Yeah. And we need to make sure that. That, that knowledge that I'm a soul. Tune into what happened. Did you think, yeah, I heard that before. I already know that because these are the four most dangerous words. I already know that. If. If Shireen says, consider yourself a soul, and I say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what else you got? That's the spiritual ego, right? The appropriate response to that is, let's practice it for a moment. Let's practice it, shall we? Shrine for a moment. You can just. Do you want to do a little commentary or shall I do one?
• 32:31
  Speaker B: Why didn't you do one?
• 32:33
  Speaker A: All right, so let's actually practice it. So let's take a moment. Now, start with just taking a breath to be aware that you are experiencing life. And now become aware of who is experiencing everything. Where is all this experience actually coming from? What is the source of your intellectual experience of life? Behind everything? And become aware that you are the presence. You are the. You could say you are the infinite sky that contains everything that you experience, the source of everything. And you are, on one hand, this infinite spacious being that contains all things that you experience. And on the other hand, you're also a tiny, tiny point of light, like a shining star. Infinite peace. Infinite light. And imagine yourself leaving your body, going above the body. So you separate yourself from the physical body and the physical world. And you see yourself, feel that you are this beautiful shining light. Infinite peace, completely free. And the whole body and everything else is far away in the distance. And you're safe and secure. And you can remind yourself, I am a soul. I am light. I am a soul. I am light. I am infinite light, infinite peace. Totally different from everything else. And you've attained everything. Attained everything. And let's come back here. These are very deep things. Right? This is a very deep thing.
• 35:28
  Speaker B: Some people say, michael, that was beautiful.
• 35:32
  Speaker A: Some people say it takes seven years to become soul conscious. But we can see if we can do it a little bit quicker.
• 35:39
  Speaker B: Was very nice. Yes. Let's do it quicker. Let's not worry about time frames, Right? Let's just do it now, this moment. Right? It's not about knowing. It's about practicing. It's about becoming. It's about being. And that's what we need to do. It's about being. Sounds good.
• 36:05
  Speaker A: Sounds good with me. So practice, practice, practice, practice.
• 36:10
  Speaker B: Okay. Kindness or lightness?
• 36:15
  Speaker A: Kindness.
• 36:17
  Speaker B: Kindness. This is God's blessing for you. Kindness. Your heartfelt desire to uplift others has become a living reality through your actions. Your boundless generosity has become integral to who you are, imbuing your journey with love and joy as you witness others flourish.
• 36:46
  Speaker A: That's beautiful. Yay. So let us know in the comments, if you're able to comment, what you learned from this episode, what you're going to do about it, any questions you have, and thank you so much for your wonderful presence. Many many blessings, Om Shant.