Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #688 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#688 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers. Now.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: I thought, because we live on the Sunshine Coast and
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: we've only been here for a year, I thought a
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: staycation would be heaven.
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: I thought it would be absolutely perfect.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: But I think the importance of a holiday, the importance
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: of stopping getting away, changing up the routine, because those.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: Three or four nights on tanglomer Island. Wow.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: and dad.
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  Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson, the founder of Happy
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Families dot com dot you dad to six children who
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: I share with, the wonderful, the incredible, the magnificent co
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: host of the Happy Families podcast. Missus Happy Families, Kylie.
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: I feel like there should be some clapping and sharing.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the fanfare, you deserve it all. This is the
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: end of our first week of podcasting. As per normal,
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: the summer series is over. The kids are back at school.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: At least they have been in Queensland for a week week.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Pretty much the rest of the country toddles off back
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: to classrooms.
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: How good has it been?
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: How good has it been to have like six hours
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: every day where the kids are at school.
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: I remember thinking six hours a day would just be
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: such a magical treat. Yeah, yeah, it goes way too things.
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: As much as I love having the kids home during
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: the holidays, there gets a point where it just all
• 1:28
  Speaker 4: of us, not even just the adults, the kids in
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: the room. We're ready for the next phase. We're ready
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: to get back into things and the time purpose We
• 1:37
  Speaker 4: probably could have gone back a week or two earlier
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: this time, right part, But it's good to have everybody back.
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: And for the most part, it's been a pretty good
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: first week back.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: Extracurriculars have kicked off, kids have actually felt good about
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: moving upper grade and moving along.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: We're down to three well, not so much good.
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: I think there's just a quiet confidence that has come.
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: You know, we did a big move last year. The
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: kids have been at the same school now for a
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: whole year, amazing, and we're going into a new year
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: at the same school, and there's just this quiet sense
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: of confidence. I know what to.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: Expect, security, predictability, Yeah yeah, yeah.
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: And they're going in, you know, kind of knowing who
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: their friends are.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: And we've got three kids that are now finished school.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: We're out of our last three. How easy in mornings
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: with just three kids to get ready.
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  Speaker 4: It definitely is a case.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: I know anyone with one or two children who's hating
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: it is just going.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: What are you talking about? It's horrible.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: But when you've had to do it for six kids
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: to get them all off to school at once, three.
• 2:34
  Speaker 4: Kids, I know you were winging complaining about the back
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: to school fees that are involved school shoes, show books,
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: all of that kind of stuff, But I can tell
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: you right now, when I stood at the register and
• 2:45
  Speaker 4: they told me how much it was for the three kids,
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  Speaker 4: I was like.
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  Speaker 3: Is that all these smakes?
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: That's amazing? I felt like I was getting a bargain
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: after buying for six kids for so many years.
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been to get down to.
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: Three and to have kids who were just like, yeah,
• 3:01
  Speaker 4: I've got pencils from last year, Mom, I don't need
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: any extra. It's made such a difference.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: Those back to school costs over the last handful of
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: years with so many kids at school have been just crippling.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's still a lot with three kids, but
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: I guess it's all relative, right, When you've been paying
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: more than double what we what we're up for now,
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: it feels like.
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  Speaker 4: Well, in the early days, we even used to have
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: envelopes and we actually had to budget, yes, back to
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: school expenses the whole year.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: Every week we'd put another ten or twenty bucks in
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  Speaker 2: getting ready for or for thirty or forty dollars whatever
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  Speaker 2: it was. Yeah, I remember those days, so Kylie. For
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: anyone who's new to the podcast, every Friday, we do
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: a segment called I'll Do Better Tomorrow. The idea is
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: that if we're going to become better at parenting, if
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: in fact, if we're going to become better at anything,
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: we want to review, we want to analyze, consider, and
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: when I go to hardcore, it's not like we're going
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: to get caught up in paralysis by analysis, and we're
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: not going to judge ourselves and feel awful when we
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: get things wrong, although we do we do get things wrong,
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: not feel awful, because well sometimes.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: We do that as well.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: But the power of regret is that we get to change.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: And the whole idea of I'll do Better Tomorrow. Our
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: Friday episode of the podcast every week is you and
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: I get to review. And I thought that, well, we
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: could just do the last week. As the kids have
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: gone back to school this week, and we can review
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: how that's gone. I thought it might be more beneficial
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: to consider what we'll do better next holidays, next Christmas holidays, specifically,
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: because what we've just had six weeks off and I
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: don't know about you, but I don't think that.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: We holidayed particularly well this year. I don't think it
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: really worked all that well at all. What do you think.
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  Speaker 4: It's definitely not a holiday we'd probably want to write
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  Speaker 4: home about.
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  Speaker 3: No, definitely not.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: And I think the reason for that, so I'm going
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: to go first for our older better tomorrow today is
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: these holidays. I really didn't switch off. We've got a
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: lot going on with work at the moment, and I
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: just had this feeling that I needed to remain attentive
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: to emails and to I don't know, I mean, we
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: kept the Happy Families podcast going with a summer series.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: We did a whole lot of stuff that required lower
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: levels of work than normal, but still we had to
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: be attentive. We had to be switched on, and it
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: just felt like having a staycation. We didn't go anywhere
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: except for three nights at the end of the holidays.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: It just felt like it wasn't that great of a break.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: In fact, it didn't feel like a break in any way.
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  Speaker 3: At all for me. I kind of finished.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: It was like except for the three days that we
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: had on Morton Island. So we went across to Tangaloom,
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: the island resort, and we had three fantastic nights over there,
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: four days, three nights just off Brisbane. I would say this,
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: we had one of the best holidays we've had there
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: for those few nights that we've.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: Had in years.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: But in.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: The interest of letting everyone know, if you're planning on
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: going there, you really want to take your own food.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: There is food available at the resort, but it is
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: extremely expensive and it's such poor quality food that I
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: threw mine in the bat even though.
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: I paid an arm and a leg for it. But
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  Speaker 3: all the rest of the time we took our own
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  Speaker 3: food and that was great. So had a ball. We
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: switched off.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: We spent really focused time with the kids and my
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: old do better Tomorrow is next year. At Christmas time,
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: we've got to take a couple of weeks and go away,
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  Speaker 2: even if it means we drive to the in laws
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  Speaker 2: and we hang out with them for a week.
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  Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, no.
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  Speaker 3: To keep costs down, we need we just need to
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: get away and have a break.
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  Speaker 4: So you just read what I wrote, because as you
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: were talking, I literally wrote, three days is not enough.
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: We need to book a longer time away because the
• 6:33
  Speaker 4: reality is, and this is the conversation we've had, is
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: that a staycasion is only good if you're committed to
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: actually stopping. Yes, But the problem with parents in general,
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: I'm going to suggest we're all pretty similar like this.
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: You're in the place where you work, you're in the
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: place where life happens, and so you still got to
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: get up and clean the house. You still got to
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: get up and you know, do the grocery shopping and
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: all of those kinds of things where you go on
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  Speaker 4: holidays and everything that's kind of taken care of, and
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  Speaker 4: it just forces you to stop.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, or you've got you've got a different priority set,
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  Speaker 2: a different routine, a different agenda. Bear in mind that
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: there are financial constraints, but I think that we actually
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: need to have a holiday, a proper holiday, for probably
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: a couple of weeks over Christmas next year. Just it
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: wasn't good to not switch off. So that's my odd
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: better tomorrow it's actually a bit of a learning. I thought,
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: because we live on the Sunshine Coast and we've only
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: been here for a year, I thought a staycation would
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: be heaven. I thought it would be absolutely perfect. And
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed the opportunity to
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: get some.
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: Extra surfing in.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: My hair actually got a little bit sun bleached blonde,
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  Speaker 2: like when I was a teenager.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: I mean, I felt like I'm reliving my youth in
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: some ways.
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: But that doesn't have any picture with the length of
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: your hair at the moment, does it.
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  Speaker 3: I have grown my hair a little bit as well.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, But I think the importance of a holiday, the
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: importance of stopping getting away, changing up the routine. Because
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: those three or four nights on Tanglomer Island, Wow, that
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: was so good. Like I'm really excited to get back
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: there with an eski full of our own food.
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: It'll be great.
• 8:00
  Speaker 4: Kids are already planning the annual patch up at Tangling,
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  Speaker 4: aren't they.
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  Speaker 2: It's so well worth it, all right, Kylie, missus, Happy families.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: I'll do better tomorrow. Over to you, what did you
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: learn these holidays? What would you like to do better?
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: Well?
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: These holidays were actually really really tricky for me. Without
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: going into a huge amount of detail, I've been on
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: a little bit of a health journey of my own journey.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: I love that word.
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: It's a journey, it really is, and it's been a
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: long one. And I decided I ran out of some
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: medication that I've been taking, just spidermins and minerals, and
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: I decided that I'm spending a motzter on these things
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: every week, and so maybe I don't really need them,
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: and so I decided to take myself off them.
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: Now, you did that about three or four months ago, that's.
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: Right, And I didn't notice anything so much in you know,
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: first up and over the next little while, I started
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: to notice I was a little bit more irritable than normal,
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: a little bit more frustrated at life in general. But
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: come New Year's Day, I was hit with just how
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: exhausted I was, to the point that I got up
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: and a few hours later I was back in bed asleep.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: You went back to sleep at about nine point thirty
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: that morning and slept for a good two hours.
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: And I'd been feeling it over those three months. I'd
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: been feeling this gradual sense of exhaustion and I just
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: thought it was We've had a really big year, there's
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: been lots of change in our lives, and I just
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: thought that that's what it was. But we got to
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: New Year's and I realized just how my body just
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: wasn't functioning, and I realized that maybe I needed to
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: take some action and go back on to my medication,
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: which I have done that in the process of doing that,
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: realized that there are some areas in my diet that
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: needed some consideration and attention. And it was amazing. The
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: doctor actually said to me, she said, tell me about
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: your alcohol, your caffeine, and your sugar intake. Well, I
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: don't drink alcohol or caffeine, So I was really proud
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: of myself. But then I kind of looked at her
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: and I suggested that maybe the sugar intake doubled up
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: all of of the alcohol and caffeine intake that I
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: was missing out on. And so as a result of that,
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: she's actually put me on a ridiculously strict diet and
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: that's been really, really hard, and it's changed the way
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: I interacted with the kids because I just have struggled
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: so much to just deal with day to day life,
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: let alone be the energetic, happy, let's go exploring mum
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: who loves to have an adventure every now and again.
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: So holidays have been really hard for me. You didn't
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: switch off, and I was physically struggling. And I would
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: love to say that the new year hit and everything,
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: you know, kind of picked up and there was this
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: new sense of energy, but it hasn't. It's been really
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: quite difficult for me. But there was a couple of
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: highlights through the holidays which I just loved, and I
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: was so grateful that, in spite of the hard that
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: I was able to push myself a little bit to
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: create some experiences for the kids. It's baby number three
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: turned eighteen last January.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: Oh sorry last year year.
• 10:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and it was a bit of a hard year
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: for her and she didn't really feel like she wanted
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: to celebrate, and so we just kind of let it go.
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: But this year she was like, Mum, I'd really like
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: to have a party for my nineteenth birthday. I was
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: so excited because she's actually a kid who's had very
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: few parties because she's just not that inclined. She's just
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: not that kid. But she wanted to go all out.
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: She wanted to have a sit down meal with ten
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: or so friends, and you know, we hired a photo booth,
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: and she just wanted it to be a really pretty
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: night of all my kids. Who would ask me for
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: a pretty elegant evening. She's not the child I would
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: have thought would have gone for this, But we went
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: and brought a table of marketplaces for fifty bucks, a
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: dining table, and I had my neighbor cut the legs
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: off and they sat. I don't know what it's called,
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: but they basically sat on a picnic table. It was
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: just like a little coffee table, cushions on the floor,
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: and I served them up a beautiful meal, and she
• 11:57
  Speaker 4: was just radiating. Loved about that experience, was watching her
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: fill other people's cups. She took the time to write
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: a letter to each of her friends and tell them
• 12:11
  Speaker 4: why she loved them, and while she was grateful for
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: having them in her life, I was just such a
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: beautiful evening. And then she decided that she wanted to
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: sing some songs with them with her guitar, and there
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: was just this beautiful feeling of unity and love. And
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: to think that twelve months ago she didn't even know
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: these kids, and yet they have come into her life
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: at a time where she really needed friends, but she
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: has been such an instrumental part in lifting them as
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: much as they've lifted her. And it was just such
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: a beautiful celebration. I was so grateful I could be
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: a part of it. And even now while we're a
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: month and a half down the road, and every now
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: and again, she just pops up and she's like, thanks
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: so much for that party.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: It was the best.
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: So holidays were hard, they were really hard, but to
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: have a little moment events like that was just, you know, magical,
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: really magical moments. And I'm hopeful that in spite of
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: the fact that I am not switched on all the
• 13:10
  Speaker 4: time and I'm not the perfect amum, that those memories
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: will be the things that will help them to remember
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: the love that exists and my desire to do the
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: things that will live and elevate them.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: I love that story, and I love how this kid
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: is so attentive to others.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: It's beautiful. I love what you shared.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: We hope that there's some inspiration, some ideas, or just
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: some high quality entertainment in today's podcast that helps you
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: feel better about parenting and gives you some inspoth for
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: the weak Ahead. The Happy Family's podcast is produced by
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: Justin Ruland from Bridge Media.
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: With Craig Bruce as our executive producer.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: If you'd like more information about making your family happier,
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: please visit us at happy families dot com.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: Do au