Latest / Grounded Growth / Raising Kids Who Know God
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- Stephanie Petry: Hi, welcome to. Nicole Ghirardi: Hi, welcome to Grounded Growth Podcast. I'm Nicole Girardi. And I'm Stephanie Petry. We believe that grounded growth comes from being intentional about compassionate connections that are beautifully balanced while flourishing in faithfulness. Each week we will share real conversations, encouragement, and simple systems to help build a life that feels steady, aligned, and grounded. So sit back, maybe grab a coffee, and join us where clarity meets calm and growth feels intentional. Stephanie Petry: ⁓ And I'm Stephanie Petry. We believe that grounded growth comes from being intentional about compassionate connections that are beautifully balanced while flourishing in faithfulness. Each week we will share real conversations, encouragement, and simple systems to help build a life that feels steady, aligned, and grounded. So sit back, maybe grab a coffee, and join us where clarity meets calm and growth feels intentional. Before we dive in, if you want to make sure you never miss a conversation, hit that subscribe or follow button. Nicole Ghirardi: Before we dive in, if you want to make sure you never miss a conversation, hit that subscribe or follow button Stephanie Petry: right now on whatever app you're listening on. Nicole Ghirardi: right now on whatever app you're listening on. Hi, welcome back. I'm Stephanie Petrie. I'm Nicole Girardi. And we are continuing our new series that is motherhood rooted in grace. This is our second episode in that series. So if you didn't check out last week, go ahead and head over there. We talked about mothering from rest instead of guilt. And today we are talking about raising kids who know God. so our children need more than information about God. they need to know him. And so there is a difference between knowing facts about Christianity and having a heart that has been changed by Christ. we cannot manufacture saving faith in our children either. so from a reformed perspective, salvation is the sovereign work of God. so our responsibility is faithful teaching, modeling, discipline, prayer, and discipleship. not controlling the outcome. So the goal of parenting is not producing good kids. There were air quotes there. The ultimate goal is helping our children learn to glorify God and enjoy him forever. A book Shepherding a Child's Heart connects beautifully with the Westminster Schroeder Catechism, which is man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever. So grace-based parenting is not permissive parenting. So grace doesn't mean removing authority, expectations, or consequences. It means exercising authority as God's representative with humility, love, truth, and awareness of our own need for grace. I'm gonna dive deeper into that later because this is something my husband and I had to learn in parenting. our children should see that our faith is real because it changes us. And so we want them to see repentance and forgiveness and dependence and worship and obedience and trust, not a mom or parents who pretends that we have it all together. And I think this is where parenting gets really humbling. We can teach our children scripture, bring them to church, pray over them, discipline them, and model our faith. And yet we still cannot control what God does in their hearts. That can feel frightening. But for a Christian, it is actually incredibly freeing. Mm-hmm. Because it doesn't rest on your shoulders. So knowing God is relational, not merely informational. I can teach Travis Bible stories, doctrine, verses, and Christian behavior, but ultimately I want him to know the God. Those things point to. So this is one reason I appreciate the emphasis on God's sovereign grace. And that is that our children are not projects that we can successfully complete if I just follow the right parenting formula. So the Westminster Confession reminds us that God is the one who works in the hearts of his people. And that gives me tremendous comfort as a mom because my faithfulness matters. But I am not sovereign. I'm not in control of all things. So shepherding a child's heart says that the goal is not simply to modify behavior, but to help our children understand that life is found in knowing and serving the true and living God. So that changes what we're actually aiming for. Cause I feel like a lot of parents focus on behavior modification. And we're talking about children's hearts. and so and and your heart when it is when it is pointed towards Christ is going to change your behavior. so it's getting to the root of the of the issue here. So I don't want a child who you know, who know how to behave at church. I want to a child who understands why they need Christ, recognize their sin, know the grace of the gospel, and increasingly desire to live for God's glory. Because if he understands those things, then he's going to behave at church because he's going to understand why it's so important to be there in the first place. and that means that I have to be careful not to confuse outward compliance with inward transformation. So a child can obey because they're afraid of punishment and want mom's approval or want to look good. And none of those things necessarily mean that their heart has been transformed by the gospel. And that's not going to bring the lasting change or a lasting relationship between you and your child. So grace-based parenting asks me to entrust my children to Christ, not try to control them into Christianity. So ultimately, our prayer is not simply Lord, make my kids good. It is Lord, make my kids yours. So that is a beautiful goal. but it immediately exposes one of our biggest struggles as parents. so we desperately want to know that we're doing this right, this parenting thing right. and we want a formula that guarantees the outcome. And when we don't have that, we can easily move from shepherding our children to trying to control our children. So why is passing on our faith so hard? I think it's because we cannot actually manufacture it in our kids. We c like I said, we can teach, we can model, we can pray, but their faith is ultimately God's work, not our work, not a project we can guarantee whatsoever. So, you know, the culture is pulling them on constantly and it is so loud everywhere and relentless. We can feel like we are whispering the truth while the world is shouting the opposite. And who wants to listen to their parents? You know? a lot of us feel unqualified. I felt like this in the beginning of that we think we need to have it all figured out spiritually before we can lead our kids. So we freeze, we don't do anything, we're tamid. And that's definitely a really hard thing to be able to c overcome. and it's not a one-time talk, it's a thousand ordinary moments. James K.A. Smith writes in You Are What You Love. That we are formed less by what we are told and more by our habits and our daily rhythms. Faith is caught in the small stuff, which takes a consistency we do not always have. and then Heidi St. John writes in Becoming Momstrong that raising kids in faith takes a supernatural, God-given strength, not just our own effort. When I try to do it on willpower, we run out dry fast. So if I'm being honest, I sometimes feel like a hypocrite because how do I point my kids to faith? I am still figuring out and failing myself. but when we feel that our own quiet time is inconsistent, so leading theirs can feel like teaching something I have not fully practiced that week. And we have to stop thinking that way. and that daily grind just swallows it. Between the schedule, the chaos, the intentional faith moments are the first things to get squeezed out unless you schedule it. And that's a big thing is that you've scheduled that time. You have your time. You have you and your kids' time. you know, and I mean, like Jojo and Jack, they have like just read scripture for 30 minutes. You know, being able to have time together versus time separately. So then that way they can start building their own rhythms and routines on what they like versus what I may like better than what they do. underneath it all though is a quiet fear that I'll do it wrong and that they will walk away from God and and if it all just rests on me. so I think of the father in Mark, chapter nine, who brought his struggling son to Jesus and said, I believe, help my unbelief. That is that is me to a nutshell. I do not have perfect faith to hand my kids, but I can keep bringing them in my own my own wavering heart to Jesus, and that is where it needs to lie. and when passing on our faith feels that heavy, our instinct is usually to grip tighter and try to force it on our own strength. So what does it look like when we try to do it on our own? Well, before we talk about that, I just have to go back to what you just said about feeling like a hypocrite. And whether it is that you are newer in faith or not, I mean, we can tend to feel like hypocrites at times, especially as parents. And so I just think that, if anything, it's just such a great picture of how to practice vulnerability with your kids. And even if you have taught them something that is incorrect and you go back and you correct that, that is a great lesson for them to see and to watch you do and and to ask for forgiveness when you over discipline or whatever it might be. And so I think that either way, as long as you are following Christ and He keeps shaping and molding and guiding your heart, it's he's gonna use it for his glory. Yeah. And so it's it's another way of modeling, even though it feels imperfect. So what does it look like when we try to do it all on our own? one of the biggest dangers is turning parenting into behavior modification. So if my primary goal is to simply make my child behave, I can miss what is happening underneath the behavior. and parents sometimes we miss this because we assume things so much and we're looking to just fix the problem or to change that behavior because it's inconvenient to us or it feel disrespectful. and don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying don't discipline your kids for being disrespectful. You definitely should. However, this is where when you are parenting and you run into an issue to have brothers and sisters in Christ to go to who are also doing this parenting thing, or even better yet, are like a generation ahead of you so that they've been there, done that, and they can see it from a different perspective. and so Tim Kimmel's different parenting styles. really challenged me here. So fear-based parenting is image control, high control, and even the duct tape approach, can all be attempts to manage our children's behavior or circumstances rather than to shepherd their hearts. high control parenting can actually reveal something about. The parent's heart. So sometimes I'm not correcting my child because I love them well. I'm correcting them because their behavior is making my life harder or making me look bad. and so image control parenting is especially convicting. and I can become more concerned about whether my child can represent me well, than whether they understand and love Christ. I have to remember that my child is not an extension of my reputation. And they are a person made in God's image whom He has entrusted to me. and so Reform theology gives us a very realistic understanding of human nature. our children are not born morally neutral little people who simply just need better information. they're like me. They are dead in sin and they have hearts affected by sin and are in need of God's grace, and we need a savior, which is why God sent his son. And so, but that truth should not make me harsh, it should make me humble. I am disciplining a sinner because I am a sinner who has also received grace. that changes the posture of discipline. From how dare you disobey me, to let me help you understand what happens in your heart, what God's word says, and where you can run for forgiveness. and so a friend of mine actually introduced me to Ginger Hubbard. She has a podcast as well, but she has this like placemat that's set, it's called Wise Words for Moms. It is not just for moms. And and I I'm gonna be really honest here. Like I have a hard time. I know that we are a business for women, but when we talk about parenting, it you're not on your own. and so and and if you are, the Lord bless you. but if you have a spouse, it is it is just as much, if not more, your husband's role to be the spiritual head of the home. And to lead. And I understand that not all households are like that. but I just have a hard time not mentioning the husbands in this, as well. but we are talking to the women here, so keep up, ladies. so wise words for moms. This placemat is like it tells actually, I even have it right. See, you have I literally have it right here. So it's called Wise Words for Moms, and Ginger Hubbard. parenting with Ginger Hubbard is the podcast. So in it, it has what the child's behavior is. It's just a chart, literally a chart. So it has what the behavior is, what the heart probing questions are, how to put off, and what to put on. So reproof. we're gonna put off strife and we're going to give them encouragement. We're gonna put on peacemaking. And then it has additional scripture verses that you could maybe study for family worship or something. So this has been really helpful. and not just for your children, but for yourself too at times. so that's a little shout out to Ginger Hubbard. I also have to resist making my child's spiritual life another place where I perform. so I cannot earn God's favor by being a great mom any more than my child can earn salvation by being a good kid. so my job is faithfulness and God is responsible for the heart. And so when I try to do it on my own, it looks like turning faith into one more thing to manage. A box to check instead of relationship to model. it looks like lecturing your kids about God more than I actually live it in front of them instead and then wondering why it's not landing an an understanding for them. it looks like outsourcing their whole faith to church on a Sunday and hoping that covers it all. I mean, because I'm too tired or to do it at home. so you can't you can't do that. And that's why we are responsible just like our spouse is with making sure that we're doing this constantly with our kids instead. it looks like trying to control the outcome, pushing so hard that faith starts to feel like pressure to them instead of good news, because it's good news. It should never feel like pressure to them whatsoever. and it looks like panicking when they ask a hard question, I cannot answer. Instead of saying, let us find out together. And that's one of the things that I feel great with is that Jack loves to try to stump me with questions. And he is a book of knowledge and just is a sponge. And he'll ask me something and I'm like, that is a great question. I have no answer to. I may message Steph. I may have to look in a book. I may have to, you know, ask Google. but or I may have to bring it to to our elder Rob or whoever the case may be, but we find the answer out together, so then that way we learn it together. and that's what brings me back is remembering I was never meant to be my kid's savior. God is the only one who draws their hearts. My job is to be faithful and leave the results to him. And thankfully, raising kids who know God was never meant to rest on our strength alone. Jesus shows us a better way and he carries the part we could never pull off ourselves. Well, I definitely think shout out to church leadership. if you have those questions that are stumping you, the church leadership is there. Talk to your elders and and pastors because they love getting questions like that, especially if they're questions from your kids. and it helps them to lead better too of like where their hearts are at and what is it that they're thinking. and you never know they might intertwine it into some teaching or sermon. Mark 10, 13 through 16, it's a little longer one. and they were bringing children to him, to Jesus, that he might touch them. And the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indigenate and said to them, Let the children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it. And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them. I love this picture of Jesus receiving children because it shows us something about the heart of Christ toward children. And he does not see them as an interruption or an inconvenience. He welcomes them. And you are his child too. and so Jesus also says that let the children come to me, do not hinder them. That gives me a picture of my role as a mom. so I want to remove barriers continually and continually point my children toward Jesus. but I also love that the passage does not tell me. Jesus does not tell me to manufacture their faith. I bring them to him. and just going back to that continually point our children to Jesus, we are not to hinder them from coming to Jesus, but we are also kind of a hinge to a doorway. Like it is our responsibility to protect our children's eyes, ears, and what like what they are consuming. and so whatever they're watching, whatever they're playing, whatever they're listening to, it it is our responsibility. make sure that we are protecting those things from for them. and also I love that this passage this is where I think the reform doctrine of grace is such a comfort. and so salvation is not ultimately dependent upon my parenting performance. God is sovereign and he is able to save. I can teach scripture, I can pray, I can discipline, I can answer questions, I can even invite them into worship. I can model repentance, but I cannot regenerate their heart. That is the Holy Spirit. So the Holy Spirit must regenerate the hearts. and and the Lord calls them to himself. and so that means that I don't have to parent out panic either. So Jesus also demonstrates that authority and tenderness can coexist. He doesn't diminish children in order to lead them. He welcomes them, loves them, and points them toward the kingdom. That's the kind of authority I want to have. I affirm enough to shepherd and be gentle enough to make my children feel safe, bringing their questions, failures, and doubts to me. my children, my child needs to know that I am not their savior, but they also need to know that their mom will keep pointing them to him. so when I really believe that Jesus is the savior and not me, it changes the pressure that I feel as a parent. And I can stop trying to manufacture a particular spiritual outcome and start faithfully creating a home where Christ is known. Where his word is honored, where repentance is normal and grace is constantly on display. So if we can't control our children's faith, what can we faithfully steward? We can steward the environment, the example that we give, the conversations, the discipline, the prayers that we pray, and the opportunities that God gives us. So we can faithfully plant and water while trusting God with the growth. So here's a few practical things that you can do daily to help. first one, live it out loud. more faith is caught than taught. so let your kids see you actually walking with God, not just talking about Him. Let them catch you praying, worshiping, and depending on God in real life. Our elder at church recommended that I leave my Bible on the kitchen table so then my kids can see mom doing it on. regular basis. And just that act alone has significantly changed Jackson's mentality of, you know, well maybe I should. So he's sitting at the table and he's flipping through and he's starting to read a chapter or two. So that it's it's those simple type of things. Your everyday example preaches louder than any lecture that you can give your kiddos. You know, and next one is lean on God, not your willpower. Heidi St. John reminds us in Becoming Mom Strong that this takes a strength God gives, not one we manufacture. Ask Him for it daily. You do not have to be a theologian. You just have to keep pointing them to Jesus. Pray for their hearts even more than you preach at them. for me, this is this is really praying for my kids' hearts by by name instead of just nagging them about their behavior. my you know, when I first started praying, I felt like I all I did was complain. and I really started catching myself with that and asking God for the patience I do not have on my own to really be able to not ask, I want Jackson to act differently. I want Jackson to have the wisdom to know how he's supposed to act or the clarity that he what he's his purpose is for. And really praying in naming That I feel like has been so important in my prayer life lately. next one is layer faith into ordinary moments. James KA Smith in You Are What You Love reminds us that we are formed by our habits. So build small faith rhythms into your normal days. talk about God in the car, at dinner, at bedtime, in everyday stuff. That's the biggest thing that we have to be able to, you know. We always think, well, I I prayed this morning. I don't I don't need to talk about it anymore. And it's bringing it back into your everyday. so then that way the kids not only feel comfortable doing it, but they're seeing you do it. And there's days that literally I am just praying at their wheel and the kids are just part of it. And it's okay to pray out loud. I say that very timidly at first because I don't I normally journal it. but lately it's been loud so then that way the kids can hear me. And I it doesn't have to be perfect. My perfectionist has been thrown out the window with all of that. There's a lot of ums and likes and you know, uhs and whatever the case may be. but it's just it's just doing it so then that way then it's part of the moment. and that That's super important. And I feel like that's also turning everyday questions into those little conversations about him instead of saving faith for first for Sundays. Such a great model. Yes. Such a great model. Cause then what's gonna happen is you're gonna get overwhelmed about something and your kids are gonna start praying over you. Yes. Ugh. Yes. Love it. Next one is let them see the real you. Let them watch you say sorry, ask for forgiveness, and come back to God after you blow it. Okay. A faith that admits weakness is far more believable than one that pretends to be perfect. Your honesty gives them permission to bring their real selves to God too. so this is telling my kids when I have to, I've blown it. Letting them watch me apologize and then come back to God so they know faith is not about being perfect whatsoever. another good one is learn together. when they ask that hard question, you cannot answer. Say let's find it out together instead of panicking because you don't know the answer. I feel like this is a lot I teach this in businesses, is that if you're not gonna know every answer, so you're gonna let the customer know, great question, let me find out and I'll get back with you. That's the same thing that we're doing with our kids, but instead of saying, let me get back with you, let's find out together. I feel like that's just such a good moment and that could be your family worship time that day. So read scripture scripture with them. even a few verses and let them see you're still learning too. I love this right now because Jodito always can knows when I get a new book because I'm like diving into it and lately it's been we've taken the spiritual habit bible and I've been reading it out loud to her in the mornings when she's waiting for everyone else around school to get ready for school and work. So it's been nice just for us to sit on the deck and just read. and her just listening. She's like playing with my hair or whatever the case may be, but it's those small moments that that way then we can learn together. and then the last one is leave the results to God. You plant and water, but God is the one who makes faith grow. And that is first Corinthians chapter three. hand your kids and their fur faith back to him every day. He loves them even more than you do. so faithfulness is your job. The harvest is his and his alone. for me, that looks like ending the day by handing my kids and their faith to God in prayer every night and trusting to him to do what I cannot do. So good. Maybe that is the encouragement that we need most as parents is faithfulness does not mean knowing exactly how the story will end. It just means trusting the author while Faithfully living the part that he has given us today. All right. So we're going to close this episode up. So Nicole, what closing encouragement do you have for us? If you don't take anything else but this, you do not have to be a perfect Christian to raise kids who love Jesus. You just have to keep pointing them to him. Remember that their faith does not rest on your performance. God is the one drawing their hearts and he is far more committed to them than you are. That's hard to say, but it's true. It's really true. you do not have to do something huge. Okay. Our our little practical things that we talked about. pick one small faith rhythm this week: a prayer at bedtime or a verse at breakfast, and just start there. and so on the days you feel unqualified, do not quit. Keep living it, keep praying, keep pointing them to Jesus. And leaving the growing to the God who loves them the most. we don't want children to remember a mom who is obsessed with making them look like Christians. We want them to remember a mom who loved Jesus, who needed Jesus, who talked about Jesus, ran to him, and kept pointing them toward Jesus. so our prayer is that our children would eventually be able to look back and say, I saw something real in my mom, and I saw that Jesus actually changed her. so don't parent from fear, don't parent for appearances, and don't parent as though everything depends on you. Parent from grace, shepherd faithfully and trust God's sovereignty. and keep bringing your children to Jesus. All right, next week we're gonna continue this series. So next time on Gratted Growth, we're gonna be getting really honest about something I think almost every mom feels at some point. What if I'm failing? and what do we do when we look at our motherhood and see all the ways that we are falling short? So, how do we distinguish conviction from condemnation? And how does the gospel change the way that we see all of our failures? We're continuing our Motherhood Rooted in Grace series with an episode for the mom who needs to be reminded that her worst parenting moment does not define her and that God's grace is bigger than her failures. So we'll see you next week. Bye. Bye, friends. Thank you for joining us for another episode of Grounded Growth. We hope today brought you clarity, encouragement, and a gentle reminder that you're not walking this journey alone. If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to share it, subscribe, and leave a review. We'll see you next week. Until then, Stephanie Petry: Thank you for joining us for another episode of Grounded Growth. We hope today brought you clarity, encouragement, and a gentle reminder that you're not walking this journey alone. If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to share it, subscribe, and leave a review. We'll see you next week. Until then, stay grounded and keep growing. Nicole Ghirardi: stay grounded and keep growing.