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How can I stay connected whilst grieving? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: How can I stay connected whilst grieving?
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: To be there for someone who is dying and dealing with your own grief and heavy emotions at the same time is extremely difficult.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds strange to try to schedule in a time for grief, but this really is quite important.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: This time is where you allow yourself to feel sad, angry, the guilt or other heavy emotions you may be feeling.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't make time for these feelings on your own and away from your loved one, then they can surface without warning and sometimes you know without meaning to.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: It comes out whilst you're trying to comfort the loved one.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: There are some tips below for helping you to remain connected whilst feeling the grief of any impending loss.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the below may be difficult to do at times and that's okay.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Just try and do your best.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: The first fundamental thing is to be there for the person, your loved one, who's dying, and be a good listener.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: In cases of Alzheimer's dementia or in palliative care settings, we have absolutely no control or say in what is happening, but we can be in control of our calmness and being the strong and supportive presence for our loved one.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Just being that safe space for them to express how they feel and tell their stories.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: There can be a great comfort in the memories for you too.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: So also see if you can do some small things together, the mundane things, or but joyful things such as watching your favourite movies, having favourite meals together, listening to your favourite songs, or going for walks in nature together if if possible when mobility allows.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: These are all reminders that life is still going on and you're still part of life, and this can again serve as a comfort to you both.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: So regular contact with your loved one, even if it's over the phone, will help you to be in the present with them.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: I hear so many times that I wish I had spent more time with them.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: You will be preventing that guilt by acting now while you can.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I know this is hard to do at times when you see the person disappear or change before your very eyes, but you will thank yourself later.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Life goes on is a statement that can sound really harsh.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: But when you need to escape from the fear of what's going to come in the future, distracting yourself again with the mundane life tasks can be comforting and help you to ground firmly in the present.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Remember to stay in touch with friends, to catch up for coffee, even if you don't want to talk about what's going on with your loved one.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: You can still have an escape and talk about everyday things, and this will give you some respite too.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Indulging in self-care becomes a necessity whilst you're carrying the responsibilities of caring for someone who's dying or not very well.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: You are able to navigate tough times much more easily if you have moments to yourself where you can try and switch off.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: That self-care looks different for everyone.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Self-care is different from distractions sometimes, though, because we can throw ourselves into work, but that's not self-care.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Self-care is doing things that help you to feel good and help your mind, body, and soul to feel rested and nourished.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: There are many resources online to help with processing grief and anticipatory grief with professional counsellors, or there are some free resources with different organisations.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Samaritans is a first good port of call if you're experiencing crisis or general anticipatory grief, and that's 116 and 123.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: You can also call a dementia specific support line on O3331503456.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Please look after yourself and reach out for support if you need to.