Latest / The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show / Episode 7, Season 1: How to Cope When Someone Wrongfully Hurts You

Transcript

Episode 7, Season 1: How to Cope When Someone Wrongfully Hurts You · The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Welcome to The Love Dog Podcast, Episode seven. I am
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: your co host Raina Butcher here with the Love Dog herself,
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: doctor Sarah Hensley. Hey, Hey, Hey, what's.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Up do Oh?
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Not a lot?
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: Getting ready to talk about when someone hurts you?
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Yes, wrongfully, right.
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: Wrongfully hurts you, maliciously hurts you.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, which is a great topic because I know that
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: some people when trying to cope with someone wrongfully hurting them,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: they do all the wrong things like drink and smoke
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: and drug and shop, which is my favorite thing.
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: But today let me some shopping.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: We do Today. You're going to specifically talk about the
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: healthy ways to cope when someone wrongfully hurts you, the
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: WWJD ways that.
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: You Yeah, that's right. And it's a tough situation. I mean,
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: there are many situations where someone might hurt you.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: You may be in a breakup situation, Maybe you were
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: cheated on. Maybe your partner is a narcissist and you're
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: trying to co parent with them. Maybe Rain is like
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: checking the boxes. Maybe it's a friendship and somebody did
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: something to hurt you and it really knocked you off
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: your feet. It's tough.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like so many people can relate to
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: this one, like in a really really big way, right,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: because I mean I even like when you're naming off
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: that list, I'm.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: Like, happened to me? Happened to me? Yeah, yep, absolutely,
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: and so you know we're best friends. You know this.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: The last month has been living torture in my life
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: because someone did something to hurt me and my family wrongfully, unjustifiably,
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: unjustifiably maliciously, somebody I've only spoken to one time in
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: my entire life. And I will not reveal this person's
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: identity ever or any real details about the situation because
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: I'm not dumb. But what I will talk about is
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: how it impacted me, because I'm full believer. Like I
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: actually did a video on this on social media. You know,
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: it's like when do you correct the story, Like when
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: do you come out and say this is wrong, this
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: is not okay, this is what happened to me. If
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: you're doing it to get revenge, to embarrass someone, to
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: humiliate someone, you're not, No, you need to keep your
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: mouth shut, you need to do some more healing, ye,
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: But if you're there to say, hey, this thing happened
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: to me and it was real and it caused suffering,
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: and it caused pain, and here's how I healed from it.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: And I'm going to use that information to help other
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: people going through something similar than rite on. Amen, right,
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: then tell your story. So I'm going to try to
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: do it today in a very non identifiable way.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and doing it in a way too like you
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: just said that. Uh, I can hopefully give people who
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: may be experiencing similar things some tools and some ways
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: to cope. Because again, it's like, I'm guilty of this
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: when I've been wrongfully hurt. You know, I want to
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: go in guns of blazon.
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, well that's much. That's my first instinct too, right,
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: Like I want to fight. Oh yeah, we're fighters. We're
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: fearful of what we give me the boxing gloves.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm ready to fight. I'm ready to like throat
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: punch somebody, I know.
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: I mean, I got a little.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: Red in me, you know. So it's it's really hard
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: for me. I don't know when I feel wrong.
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: Well, you you wanted to Tanya harding this person when
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: I told you what they did.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, don't anybody I love either?
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I know that right. And we were like,
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: all right, let's get out of our flesh and into
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: the spirit.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: And that's really what I want to talk about today,
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: because I bounced around this last month, and I'm the
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: first to admit I am a faithful person. God has
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: drugged me out of the pit of hell before He
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: has always Romans eight twenty eight. In my whole life.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: I believe in God's ability to restore. Whatever the enemy
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: intends for evil, God will work it for your good.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: And I know this to the depths of my soul.
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: But I still struggled because this was a complete re
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: traumatization of something I've already been through years and years
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: ago that I had to heal from, and so it's
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: not just like having another difficult event. It's a true
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: re traumatization. And in the way that the brain responds
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: and the body responds to repeated traumas that are similar,
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: all your trauma symptoms are going to come back you heal,
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: But when you've been traumatized, even when you heal and
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: you develop resilience, the brain and the body don't forget.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: And we know that from the psychological literature. The body
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: keeps score. The trauma is housed in the body. So
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: for the last month you know, I couldn't eat. My
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: skin was felt sunburnt, you know, the itchy and flamed,
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: sunburnt skin. You know, the histamine intolerance, the insomnia, the
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: ruminating thoughts. And I had to go back to my tools.
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: And I'm talking like ground zero tools and.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Talk about those tools, because that's really where you know.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: I mean, of course we can get into the biblical
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: side of it in scripture and yeah, and that tool
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: in itself, which I think is the largest one, but
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: those those psychological tools that you use that you actually
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: teach a lot in your pride.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: I do taking extreme authority over your thoughts, really holding
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: your thoughts up to the truth and holding them up
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: to God's word because I believe in This is my
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: personal belief. I don't push it on anybody, but I
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: take Ephesian six twelve in Scripture very seriously that we
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: live in a spirit filled world. We do not fight
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: against flesh and blood, but of the principal paladies, the principalities,
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: the powers, and the rulers of the darkness of the world.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: That is who we battle against. This is a battle
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: in this life between good and evil, and it plays
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: out through us every single day and we get to
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: determine who we align with. Are we aligning with God?
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: Are we aligning with the enemy. And a lot of
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: times when we get into our flesh and we have
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: been wronged and we have been hurt, the enemy speaks
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: very loudly that we need to be bitter and we
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: need to get revenge, and how they are they? And
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: we step into our pride and we step into the
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: justification of wanting revenge. And did I slip into that
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: a little bit in the last month here and there? Yeah,
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: because that's because I'm human and I'm a sinner.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: But you quickly reminded yourself of.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: Over to over and over again when it would happen,
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: like I literally had two playlists going on at the
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: same time. I had one of my worship songs and
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: I had one of my pardon my language, but kind
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: of my f you playlist, right, because it felt good, Yeah,
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: it felt good to be like, I'm this big, bad person,
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: You've messed with the wrong person, which I mean they did, honestly,
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: but you know, but to remind myself that I am
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: not to be in bitterness. That's a sin. Fear, oh God,
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: the fear I know in Jesus' name. I rebuke that
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: all the time because that was that was my biggest
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: problem when I was deeply wounded and traumatized before. Yes,
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: fear and of course you actually had a similar situation
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: happened to you. We won't discuss the details.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: I'm okay discussing my details, you know, but.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: If you give details, it's going to give details about
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: what has happened to me. So you can't tell your
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: story without feeling that's what happened to me.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I want to protect my child, you know,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: I mean my situation and you know, and to a degree,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: I want to protect his dad too, you know, not
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: that I'm his biggest fan or anything, but I don't
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: want to just I don't want to throw his dad
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: outdo the bus. I'm not here to do that. You know,
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: we we have a relationship, that is okay. If we
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: have no relationship, which makes it okay, that's right. But
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: again I don't know.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: He hates your gut.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: I don't want to stir that pot.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: Now, you know, And you do such a beautiful.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: And I would hate, absolutely hate if my child ever
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: watched this and in anyway hurt him.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: That's right, And so yeah, I'm always walking that typrope, right,
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: and this is just another example of walking that tyrope.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: But I was wrong. I was wrongfully hurt by people
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: that supposedly loved me. And that was really difficult, very
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: very difficult, because they put me in a position where, well,
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: it just made me question everything. It made me question trust, mainly,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: you know, trusting people that you know, like I said,
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: I thought, I thought really loved me and really.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: Cared for me, and that'll pull the rug out under you.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: And like I said, I think I've talked about this,
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: there's been some rehabilitation there in those relationships.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: And I'm for you.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sure, yeah, name for your son. Yeah, not with
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: my son's dad, but with the other you know, family members.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: And it's, uh, it's been healing, you know. It's really
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: really beautiful when you can go back to people and forgive. Yeah,
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: speaking of coping, I mean, forgiveness is a huge part
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: of it.
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: It is. And you know, what happened to me, And
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: I think I would list what happened to me this
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: last month as being maybe the top five in the
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: top five were that could possibly happen to somebody. Yeah,
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: and to know that it was done premeditated and maliciously.
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: I mean, that's the devil, that's that's from the pit
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: of hell. That's a cultic, that is alignment with evil.
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: And here's the thing. There's no greater sign that you
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: are walking according to God's purpose than the devil wanting
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: to destroy you and allowing it. And yeah, and and
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: then and so the only way to stand up to
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: that is to not allow it. It's to not allow
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: it's you have to fight in the heavenly realm. You
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: have to. I mean, while tears are streaming down your face,
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: you raise a Hollylujah and you praise the Lord, right,
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: because the Lord says that we are to be content
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: in every circumstance. So I want to talk about the
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: psychological side of it, and then we'll talk about the
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: spiritual side. They're very parallel. But you have to be
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: extremely vigilant of your thoughts because your thoughts speak to
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: your nervous system. So whatever goes in your head informs
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: your nervous system. Am I safe, right? So as the
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: thoughts are coming in which for me, my old ways
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: and my old patterns were very much worst case scenario,
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: worst case scenario. I am a defensive, pessimist through and through, well,
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: I used to be because that's how I coped. It's like, well,
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: if I could think of the deepest, darkest, worst thing
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: that could possibly happen, and I can get a plan,
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: then that would soothe me a little bit. But what
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: I realized is the power of our thoughts and what
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: we speak just demands to be fulfilled. And that is
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: a biblical principle. I think that that's a principle of science,
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: the physics of the laws of the universe that God created.
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: And so I have to fight very hard against that
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: because the devil wants me to be in fear, so
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: really taking authority over my thoughts and being like is
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: this true? Is this productive?
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: Yea?
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: Is it productive to think about the worst possible thing
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: that could happen? I mean, I can't be ignorant, But
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: at the same time, I'm not going to focus on
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: it and expect it either. You know.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: I'm the difference between being prepared and then letting it
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: eat you alive.
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: Right right, And I was definitely I let it eat
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: me a live type of person in my life. And
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: so this was the truest test of my marriage of
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: my faith. But I am so proud of my husband
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: and I I am so proud of how we came
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: together because this thing that happened was designed to tear
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: our relationship and our family apart, and it did the opposite.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: It made us closer, It made us And he was
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: such a spiritual covering. He was the first one if
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: I was going down the rabbit hole to be like,
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: let's check those thoughts, let's not go there, like, let's pray, like,
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: let's let's we are not going to fight the devil
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: with the devil.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: That's powerful to just have a you know, a husband
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: that leads you that way. Yes, it's like it's like, okay,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: let's you know, right, we had our knees and we pray.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: Right, oh for sure, and you know, and then the
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: other tools are really keeping your nervous system calm, which
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: is the hardest for me because when you're reached, this
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: isn't just like a normal stressor right, this is a
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: re traumatization. So my nervous system was basically sent information
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: that like you were dying and your kids are dying
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: and your life is ruined, and there you go. And
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: I have to cope with the physiological response of my
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: nervous system being retraumatized tough, which I used a lot
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: of neurofeedback, lots of somatic tracking, lots of breath work,
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: lots of groundings.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: There're all things she teaches Entre do I do.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: And not just doing a little bit. I'm talking pouring
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: into it. And I was just oscillating from regulated to
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: fight to flight to functional freeze. I mean there were
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: days where I was like, I can't work. I'm just
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: gonna sit here, wrapped in this blanket while my kiddo's
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: are at camp and eat gummy bears.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: And you know what, that's okay.
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: I mean it was a necessity. It was my brain
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: and my nervous system saying we have to keep you alive.
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: And if all you can do today is wrap up
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: in this blanket and gummy bears and watch TikTok while
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: your kiddos are they're at camp, but they're safe, they're
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: you know, That's what I had to do, and luckily,
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: not luckily, I'm blessed that I have built my own empire,
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: that I work for myself. My boss is me. She
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: can't tell me I can't sit there and eat gummy
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: bears all day. If that's what I need to do.
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: But I want to tell people out there that if
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: you have those days, if you've been traumatized, if somebody
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: has hurt you deeply, if you have those days where
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: you have to take a day off work and you
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: just have to wrap up in a blanket and eat
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: candy all day, you have to survive.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I show yourself compassion, show your.
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: Self, show yourself mercy. The worst thing you can do
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: during this time is shame yourself.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, of shame. That shaming and healing are not compatible
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: at all. No, absolutely not. So what I will say
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: is you have to take authority over your thoughts. You
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: have to do anything and everything you can do to
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: keep your nervous system calm. And then, for me, the
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: only other piece was faith. Yeah, I have to believe
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: in God's promises. He says, I make a table for
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: you in the presence of your enemies. I will put
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: you back together in front of the person that broke you.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: And He has done that once before in my life,
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: and I believe wholeheartedly he is going to do that again.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: And God has blessed me in so many ways that
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: even through this crisis, even through the storm, I will
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: raise my hands and I will praise him for his
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: goodness because I believe that he works all things for
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: my good, that whatever the enemy sends out to destroy,
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: he is absolutely going to write that path.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the promises are there.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: They're there. And I never had that kind of faith
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: before till I had to, And now that I have it,
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: you just don't see the world in the same way anymore.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: Well, it saves you time and time and time I
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: can because it doesn't matter how you know, you can
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: live a long season of your life where things are
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: just kosher and things are did three.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: Full years of bliss, three.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Full years of nothing but bliss, and that its prosperity. Yeah,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: and then boom, something will happen, whether it's a death
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: or you know this specific circumstance where you know, death
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: of course isn't wrongfully hurt usually, but you know, anything
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: could happen, but a death, a divorce, someone could affect, betrayal, betrayal, anything,
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: And then you have to be able to fall back
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: on your faith absolutely. But more importantly, faith is not
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: just there when things get shitty, right, And.
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: That's how I used to be right, right, I used
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: to treat faith as a right, like, Oh, I'm in trouble, God,
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: please show up for me. No, no, No, that's that's
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: a very baby Christian view, right, that's a that's not
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: a I'm in a walk with the Lord. I draw
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: my desires to only draw closer to the Lord.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: I have a close relationship with. Yes.
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: So the friend that led me to Jesus, I mean
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: she told me this one story one time. You know,
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: she's had a lot of suffering. You know, being a
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: follower of Christ does not make you free of suffering.
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: It means that your God's going to get you through it.
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: God's going to work all things for your good. God's
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: going to help you have wisdom and discernment. God's going
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: to let you put one foot in front of the
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: other until it's better. But because the enemy is still
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: alive and will work through people when people voluntarily voluntarily
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: align with him to do evil, there will always be
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: evil and there will always be suffering in this fallen world.
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: The only time that's over is when we get to heaven.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: My friend she lost a child, she had a premature
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: birth and knew that her child was not going to survive.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: And as she's giving birth and she did in all
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: natural births. I mean, bless her heart. She's sang rais
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: a Hally Lou. Yeah, like she's singing raise a Holly Lou, Yeah,
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: as she's having this baby that she know is going
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: to die in her arms. And that never left me
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: and I think about that, and I'm still very close
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: with this brand.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: And she's a rock star.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, there's nobody on earth. I know, there's
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: not there's no preacher I even know that's just rock
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: solid in their faith. As my friend.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if there was anybody that is like in our
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: immediate circle that I could really look to and not
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: even without knowing her on as personal the level as
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: you do, that I could really look to and be like, Yeah,
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: if I could want to be like anybody would want,
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: it'd be Ashley.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: It would be She's She's fantastic bed She's uh, you
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: just pure heart, just the purist a heart.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: When you're around her, you're just like you just you
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: just good.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you feel it is the Holy Spirit just beams
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: out of her, and you know, I want to be
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: that and I want to you know, I really really
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: tried to not get if bitterness came in. I had
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: to rebuke it and say not today, Satan, not today, Satan,
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: because every fiber of my fleshly being wanted to attack.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: And you know, there was actually a move I wanted
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: to make to try to handle the situation a little
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: bit on my own, and I thought it was a
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: good thing to do. And God to said no. Yeah,
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: God said, I've given you boots on the ground. I
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: have blessed you financially. You have an amazing legal team.
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: Those are your boots on the ground, and I'm fighting
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: for you in heaven.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: And that's a big part of it. Is not you
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: have to be prepared, but also you have to relinquish control.
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: Yes, and coping when you have no controls very very hard.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to take that radical acceptance.
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: Radical acceptance. You do what you can do, and you
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: lead with love. And leading with love doesn't mean you
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: let them off the hook. It doesn't mean that they
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: won't suffer the natural consequences of their actions, because I
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: do believe that what goes around comes around because we
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: have just God. And whether that's handled that might not
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: even be handled on earth, that might be handled when
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: they have to stand before God someday, and I have
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: to just let that be.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: That's a hard thing for people to swallow. Oh for
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: sure right there, because they're like, oh, you know, I
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: have to see it may not be at the hands
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: of me or you know, in the next two months,
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: but I want to see this person go down. And
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: what they may not always recognize is that you're right.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: It may not be till that person dies and stands
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: before the heavenly Father and has to atone an account
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: for what they did. And all of us have to
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: do that, every single one of us. There's no getting
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: around it. And so a lot of the way that
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: I have coped with this is to just keep that
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: in mind that we serve a just and fair God,
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: that we serve a sovereign God, and he is going
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: to write this wrong. And he has blessed me with
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: all the time and plenty of resources to take care
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: of this legally, and those are natural consequences. The legal
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: consequences of this are natural consequences. They are not revenge.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: They are not there their protection of me, their protection
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: of my family, and their natural consequences. But beyond that,
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: I won't seek any type of revenge because I'm not
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: going to fight trauma with trauma.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: No, I refuse.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: Well, it doesn't do any good.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: It doesn't do any good. It doesn't it doesn't bring
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: anybody any healing, it doesn't bring God any glory.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: So and that's really what you're you know, you're here
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: to do it? Is I hear You've got a pretty
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: awesome colleague that has your back too. I do. I.
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: I mean, I can't thank you enough. You You definitely
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: helped hold me up again well during this time, even
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: even just directing holding up the business.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: Well I was like I can't answer emails right now.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: I have to sit in this blanket with gummy bear,
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: yeah and my Bible, like I can't. I can't do it.
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: And you're like, I got this.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think you know before I'm anything, you know,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: because we were friends before we started this adventure. And
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: is that you know. I'm always your friend first of course,
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: And you know, so even when you're like, if you
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: do this, I'll pay you, I'm like, stop throwing money
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: at me. I am your friend.
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: Work for me, work for me, you work with me.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're colleagues.
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: We're colleagues. You own your own business, own my own business.
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: We're separate in there.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: So we are definitely blissed. We got oh gosh, got
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: it made.
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: We have the perfect situation. I get to work with
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: my best That's what I'm saying. The last three years.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: Let me just I have to just about wrap this up.
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: But the last three years business of my dreams. I
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: created front with fifty bucks in my pocket and I
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: mean very very blessed monetarily the husband of my dreams.
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: My kids are thriving. I just want to give a
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: shout out to my children. Oh my gosh, they are
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: such good kids, are amazing kids. And they did not
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: deserve one ounce of this that has affected them or
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: anything anything they did not deserve. And yeah, working with
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: my best friend, living my best life, working when I
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: want to work, doing and every day of work is
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: not like.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: Work, right, you know, it's fun.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: It's in my dream. It's spreading the glory of God's people.
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: And then boom in one day my life was turned
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: upside down. And I've been there before and here I
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: am again. And honestly, maybe I was in a little
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: bit of bride because I was like, oh, yeah, I've
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: believed in God and I was faithful, and like, look
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: how he's blessed me. Yeah, and you don't see the
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: attacks coming sometimes.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: But what a beautiful thing because all that brings you
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: is more humility. Yeah, well, humility is a gift.
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: You know. I struggle with a little bit of liking
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: Taylor's there's some good things about Taylor and some not
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: so great things about Taylor. And there's a battle in
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: the Christian world of like should you listen to her
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: music or not whatever? But she said these things. What
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger. What doesn't kill
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: you makes you more aware. Yeah, and I think that
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: that's where I'll leave that. Yeah, it makes me stronger
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: in my faith, but it also makes me more aware
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: of what the devil can do.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: That's right, because the devil is here to kill, steal,
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: and destroy, and you can't align with that, not even
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: when someone's hurt you. You cannot align with that because
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: it will bring you no healing, It will bring no
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: glory to God, and will only draw more misery to
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: you in your life. You have to figure out how
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: to forgive.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the biggest school. And you know,
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: I just want to reiterate here that you know, doctor Hensley.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: Of course, within her practice she taught you know, you
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: talked a lot about your faith today and and faith
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: is a big part of what she does, but she
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: also gives secular views for sure.
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: I have people all the time that are here for
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: the psychology. They're not here for the faith, and that's
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: where we go. And that's a little bit of bout.
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: I like a little bit of both too. But I
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: always ask you know, you know what feels good to you? Yeah,
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: what perspective feels good to you? Because there are people
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: that seek me out for the Christian perspective and then
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: there's people that seek me out for the psychology. So
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: I'm here for it.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: All.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: All faces are welcome. No faith is welcome. The only
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: faith that is not welcome would be Satanism. Satan is
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: not welcome me. He has not authority over me and
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: Jesus name. So I have to wrap up unfortunately.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: Well again. If you are enjoying our content and enjoying
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: this podcast, please continue to listen, like, share, subscribe, and
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: if you want to check out any of doctor Hansley services,
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: please visit her at the Datingdecoder dot com. And until
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: next time, peace, love, and perspective.