Latest / MyMaine Birth / 172. MyMaine Birth: Shandi's second birth story, a home birth with loving support from her midwives

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172. MyMaine Birth: Shandi's second birth story, a home birth with loving support from her midwives · MyMaine Birth

• 0:00
  Shandi: I think Fletcher had finally woken up and I just kind of got up and went out and was like, I think things are happening and he was just like, Oh okay.
• 0:10
  Shandi: Like I think he from Finn's experience for how long it labor was with him, he I I don't think he thought things were happening very quickly.
• 0:21
  Shandi: Um, but at that point I was like every contraction, I was just kind of like in bed on my hands and knees, like moaning into the pillow.
• 0:29
  Shandi: And Finn had woken up and came to lay with me, and he just kind of was with me through one contraction where he was just like then climbing up all over me.
• 0:41
  Shandi: And I was like, I can't do this.
• 0:43
  Shandi: Like, definitely knew I didn't want him there for labor.
• 0:48
  Shandi: I just knew I wouldn't be able to really focus on it.
• 0:52
  Shandi: And thankfully, like, yeah, I called Julie maybe around seven, and she heard me have a contraction and was just like, I'm leaving here in 10 minutes, and she's about a half hour away.
• 1:03
  Shandi: So I think she realized, like, oh, things were happening quickly.
• 1:09
  Angela: I'm Angela, and I'm a certified birth photographer, experienced dual, Albert Educator, and your host here on the My Mane Birth podcast.
• 1:18
  Angela: This is a space where we share the real life stories of families and our unique birth experiences in the beautiful birth homes.
• 1:26
  Angela: From our state-first hospitals to birth center births and home births.
• 1:31
  Angela: Every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated.
• 1:35
  Angela: Whether you are seen to be mom, a season mother, or simply interested in the world of birth.
• 1:41
  Angela: These episodes are for you.
• 1:43
  Angela: Hi everyone, welcome to episode 172 of My Mom Birth.
• 1:49
  Angela: Today's birth story guest is Johnny, and she shared her first birth story exactly 100 episodes ago, back in episode 72.
• 2:00
  Angela: So go check that out to hear the first part of her story.
• 2:03
  Angela: And she's here today to share her second birth story, a home birth with loving support from her midwives, Julie Havener and Rachel Jean Cohen.
• 2:12
  Angela: Now, before we dive into this episode, if you live in the Downeast area and you're pregnant, the options for birth support are pretty narrow.
• 2:22
  Angela: Northern Lake EMMC in Bangor or Main Coast Memorial Hospital in Ellsworth are usually the default birthing locations for most women.
• 2:31
  Angela: And with the recent closures of the MDI Hospital's OP unit and with Matilda's Down East Community Hospital often being on diversion for OP patients in active labor, these other hospitals are busier than ever before.
• 2:45
  Angela: So, in case you don't know, Julie Havener is a very experienced certified professional midwife based on MDI.
• 2:53
  Angela: And Rachel Jean Cohen is also a very experienced certified professional midwife serving the Down East and Central Maine communities.
• 3:01
  Angela: So for families who are experiencing a normal low-risk pregnancy and might be considering a home birth, a certified professional midwife can be a great option.
• 3:13
  Angela: Also, a lot of people don't know that most midwives offer free consultations.
• 3:18
  Angela: This can be a great opportunity to sit with a midwife, hear how they actually practice, and then with all of the information, you can then decide which pregnancy and birth path is right for you and your family.
• 3:32
  Angela: If you'd like to connect with Julie or Rachel, the two midwives that are mentioned in today's episode, you can head over to the show notes for their contact information.
• 3:41
  Angela: But I'm also going to share it here.
• 3:43
  Angela: For Julie, the best way to contact her is by email.
• 3:47
  Angela: You can send her a message to mail at juliehavenar.com.
• 3:52
  Angela: That's Julie H O V E-N-E-R dot com.
• 3:57
  Angela: And for Rachel, you can find more information about her services on her website, which is elementalmidwifery.com.
• 4:05
  Angela: And again, both of those are linked in the show notes.
• 4:08
  Angela: If you didn't grab it, you can just head over to the show notes and click the link.
• 4:13
  Angela: If you want to connect with me, if you're interested in do-a support, birth photography, or if you just want to share your birth story here on the podcast, you can do so through my website, mymainbirth.com, or you can always message me over on Instagram at mymainbirth.
• 4:29
  Angela: Our closing song is by Kate Sutherland.
• 4:32
  Angela: Kate's community songs and deep nature connection work can be found over on her website, katesutherland.ca.
• 4:38
  Angela: All right.
• 4:40
  Angela: Hey Shandy.
• 4:42
  Angela: Welcome back to MyMainBirth.
• 4:44
  Angela: Hi, thanks for having me.
• 4:46
  Angela: To get started, would you share just a little bit about you and your family?
• 4:51
  Shandi: Yeah.
• 4:51
  Shandi: So it's me and my husband, Fletcher, and then our two kids, uh Finn, who's three, and then our newest one, Thea.
• 5:01
  Shandi: She is four months, just about four months now.
• 5:04
  Shandi: So we live um in Trenton, Maine.
• 5:08
  Angela: Awesome.
• 5:09
  Angela: Cool.
• 5:10
  Angela: So yeah, you shared your first birth story back in episode 72.
• 5:14
  Angela: So for anyone that wants to hear that full story, you can go check out that episode.
• 5:20
  Angela: Um, but for people that maybe didn't hear it yet, would you just give kind of a brief overview of like your first birth story?
• 5:27
  Shandi: Yeah.
• 5:27
  Shandi: Yeah.
• 5:28
  Shandi: So we were kind of in a place of like not knowing if we wanted kids, and I had some health issues where I wasn't having my cycle for a few years and doing some work, and then just happened to get pregnant with Finn unexpectedly, and it was a pretty like straightforward pregnancy, and we planned to do originally a birth center birth, and then we decided to switch it to a home birth.
• 6:00
  Shandi: And the birth was a pretty long process.
• 6:04
  Shandi: It was took about like it was almost two days of labor.
• 6:09
  Shandi: So kind of on that second day, second morning, we decided to transfer to the hospital in Ellsworth and ended up just getting a little pitocin, and Finn came really quickly.
• 6:26
  Shandi: So, and after that things went really smooth.
• 6:29
  Shandi: So yeah, pretty it was not the birth we expected or what I wanted, but it ended up being a great birth, yeah.
• 6:40
  Angela: Yeah, so now share with me what happened after that.
• 6:45
  Angela: Like when did you find out you were pregnant for the next time after that?
• 6:49
  Shandi: Yeah, um, so I guess Finn was he was like about a year and a half, and I was still nursing him, but I had gotten my cycle back around then, and we had kind of talked, like we always kind of had the idea after having one kid, we were like, yeah, it'd be nice to have another one, and had so he could have a sibling, and but it wasn't something we were like we wanted to do right away.
• 7:18
  Shandi: We knew they we didn't want like a huge age gap just because we are a little older, but we just like had that in the back of our heads, and so I I got my cycle back, and then that next month I didn't get it back, but didn't think really even think about it.
• 7:34
  Shandi: And maybe it was like a few weeks later where I had a dream that I was pregnant with twins, and it kind of just threw me.
• 7:43
  Shandi: And my husband had actually just left for a backcountry ski trip up in the Chick-Chocks in Canada, and so I was just solo with Finn, and I just had this feeling of like I should take a pregnancy test, and it ended up coming back positive.
• 7:58
  Shandi: So it was like pretty just kind of wild, like being alone and not having anyone to share that with.
• 8:05
  Angela: Oh, you can't even call him because he's in the backcountry, right?
• 8:08
  Shandi: Backcountry, no service.
• 8:09
  Shandi: So it's just like okay, I think I called my my parents and my in-laws and talked with them and actually uh Sarah Twee, my the dually that we used for Finn, just because it was like, oh, this is was kind of just unexpected.
• 8:23
  Shandi: And so it was exciting, but also kind of like okay, let's yeah, just a lot of unknowns.
• 8:30
  Shandi: And he got back, it was you know, we shared that, I shared that with him when he got back to service, and we were very excited about it, and we knew we wanted to do another try for another home birth.
• 8:45
  Shandi: And we we originally reached out to Holly Murphy over in Penobscot.
• 8:51
  Shandi: And I think I I'm trying, it's hard to it was only like a year and a half ago, it was two springs ago, but it's hard to remember the sequence of things.
• 9:00
  Shandi: But I want to say maybe we did blood work and maybe the levels seemed low, and so we decided to go get an ultrasound, and it might have been around eight or ten weeks then, and we were like trying to get it done because I was leaving to go to North Carolina with Finn to dog sit my in-laws' dogs while they were traveling, and it was like, yeah, I think like two days before we were leaving, and we went and got the ultrasound done, and she had a hard time finding anything, and the thing like she did find something, but she said it didn't look like it was big enough to be eight weeks, and so it was like very disappointing to hear that.
• 9:49
  Shandi: And we ended up doing like maybe blood work again the next day, and it showed that the levels had dropped, so it was yeah, just kind of like our loss, um, which yeah, is very devastating if you haven't experienced that before, even with it being so early, just like all the hopes of what you were hoping to come.
• 10:15
  Shandi: And so I was actually on the flight down to North Carolina by myself with Finn, delayed flight, and sitting on the plane on the tarmac, like not leaving, and I started missed like bleeding and miscarrying, and it was just yeah, one of the roughest travel experiences I've had.
• 10:35
  Shandi: And yeah, just processing that by myself again, like not with Fletcher, and I ended up we I love being in North Carolina in the spring because it's just so beautiful and getting away from Maine, but and I never get sick, and this whole pregnancy is just like a saga of getting sick, but I ended up getting the flu, which like never happens, and so just dealing with the flu with a toddler and myself and the miscarriage, it was just a lot.
• 11:06
  Shandi: Um, but moving on from that, like getting back, it just like I don't know if it was the hormones or just whatever, just like set a fire of like, I want to have a baby now.
• 11:17
  Shandi: Like now we really I want it to really have a baby, and so just kind of went down the rabbit hole of tracking and like yeah, just that stressful time of yeah, trying to plan for something like that can be very stressful with the tracking and trying to time things, and it was a couple months after where I got another pregnant uh positive pregnancy test, maybe like late June, early July.
• 11:51
  Shandi: And again, that one just it was an early loss again, like maybe a week after getting the positive test.
• 11:59
  Shandi: So I don't know if you would call that a chemical pregnancy, or but again, it just like felt like what is wrong with me?
• 12:08
  Shandi: Like, what am I doing wrong?
• 12:10
  Shandi: Is you know, I just kind of felt broken.
• 12:13
  Shandi: And of course, the same time, so many of my new mom friends, like from having Finn, met a lot of great women, and they were all kind of starting to have get pregnant and have their second babies, and yeah, family members having baby getting pregnant, and just at the same time and just being so happy for them, but also feeling yeah, really sad that I couldn't also get pregnant.
• 12:42
  Shandi: So I think after that we decided like just take a step back and not put so much pressure on it, stop tracking, just maybe now wasn't then wasn't the right time.
• 12:57
  Shandi: So we just kind of went about the rest of the summer, and then it was early September where yeah, I missed my cycle.
• 13:09
  Shandi: I gave it a week just because I was like, I don't wanna like get my hopes up again, and ended up getting another positive test, and so that just like brought along a lot a lot of fear um after the last two experiences and kind of denial almost.
• 13:29
  Shandi: So it was like probably four days in a row.
• 13:31
  Shandi: I'm taking a test and like sending it to my friend and being like, What do you think?
• 13:35
  Shandi: Like, there's two lines, but you know, just questioning everything.
• 13:39
  Shandi: So but yeah, so that was kind of how we found out we were pregnant with Thea, and that was last fall, and yeah, yeah.
• 13:52
  Angela: So, what were your kind of thoughts in choosing your care after like those experiences this time around?
• 13:59
  Shandi: Yeah, we definitely still wanted to go with the home birth route, and um Holly actually wasn't practicing any longer.
• 14:11
  Shandi: So, and Julie Habener, she just started, she she had been um a midwife at the birth center when we were working with Holly number seven, and she just kind of went off on her own to kind of service the community and um after the birth center closed on MDI in Bar Harbor.
• 14:37
  Shandi: And so I reached out to her because she was the midwife with Finn, and she, you know, came to the hospital and stayed with us and was really great during that experience.
• 14:47
  Shandi: And so we decided to work with her and her assistant midwife, Rachel, who was also really great.
• 14:55
  Shandi: And we, you know, originally after going through Finn's birth and pregnancy, we were just kind of like, let's do the minima.
• 15:05
  Shandi: Like, we don't need to do all the testing, we don't need to do all the ultrasounds, but I feel like after the two miscarriages, we were just kind of like, we'll do the eight-week ultrasound just to, you know, have that peace of mind.
• 15:19
  Shandi: And yeah, just wanted to feel a little more comfortable.
• 15:24
  Shandi: So we did do the eight-week ultrasound and things looked really good, and we just kind of went from there.
• 15:29
  Shandi: And I did like the first trimester was really rough.
• 15:36
  Shandi: Like, I was pretty sick with Finn in my first trimester, and I feel like just having a second where you already have a child, yeah, being sick and also having to take care of another little person is really hard.
• 15:52
  Shandi: Um, and he did he started daycare like two days a week, so that was kind of like a little reprieve where it was like, okay, I had two days where I could like really rest and um have some time to myself.
• 16:04
  Shandi: But then with daycare also came a lot of like you got a cold, and then after we got a cold, he got hand foot and mouth.
• 16:12
  Shandi: So we think he was home for a week, and thankfully I didn't get that, and it was very mild with him, but it was just like when at going into the holiday season, we were like, maybe let's pull, like, let's pull him out.
• 16:26
  Shandi: We're gonna be traveling and seeing family, so we took him out of daycare.
• 16:31
  Shandi: So after we got through the hand, foot, and mouth, we like I was just going into my second trimester and was feeling really good.
• 16:41
  Shandi: And we were kind of like over all the colds and sicknesses, and then it was like a week of feeling normal, and uh then we were like about to go out to a friend's for dinner, and I had this like kind of upset stomach in the morning, and I was like, Oh, maybe I'm just feeling off still from the pregnancy, and I just started to like progress throughout the day, and I didn't eat much, and then at lunch, I was like, okay, I'll eat just some rice and like some bland food, and the pain just intensified, like it got very sharp, and I started feeling nauseous, so I was just laying on the couch, tried drinking some like maybe peppermint tea, and then from there I was just dry heaving constantly and so scared because I had no idea what was going on.
• 17:36
  Shandi: Um, and while I was just like had nothing left in me and was dry heaving, I called Julie to kind of get her opinion on what to do, and she heard me just like in tears from the pain, and she was worried it might have been like my gallbladder or something.
• 17:54
  Shandi: And so she was like, you need to go to the ER.
• 17:57
  Shandi: So, and this was like kind of late afternoon.
• 18:01
  Shandi: So we called up those friends that we were gonna have dinner and asked if they could take Finn because I did not want to bring him, like just him seeing me in this pain was already like too much.
• 18:14
  Shandi: So we dropped him off with those friends and Fletcher brought me to the ER.
• 18:19
  Shandi: And I was it was the worst pain I've ever experienced, worse than being in labor.
• 18:25
  Shandi: Like I was just like on the floor in the waiting room of the ER, like crying and in so much pain.
• 18:35
  Shandi: So they took me back and they, you know, um did some blood work and they were worried it was my appendix, so they wanted to do, and of course it was a Sunday, so they couldn't um do I think an ultrasound is what they would normally do because I was pregnant and you couldn't get access to the full, like the large ultrasound machine, and they did have a little portable one where they could check on the baby, and the baby seemed good, um but they had to do a CAT scan, which is usually not recommended in pregnancy.
• 19:16
  Shandi: So it was just like all these things, like yeah, just so much fear around like what am I exposing her to?
• 19:23
  Shandi: And um they did the CAT scan and they determined like my appendix was rupturing, and the only thing to do is to do surgery with that.
• 19:38
  Shandi: So they did give me some pain medication, I think morphine maybe, and that helped like calm me down because I was just in bed, like wiggling in pain for hours, and it almost felt like yeah, just the ER is such a crazy experience.
• 19:57
  Angela: Did you go to Ellsworth or was this Bangor?
• 20:00
  Shandi: Yeah, it was in Ellsworth just because it was closest.
• 20:02
  Shandi: And my husband ended up leaving to go get our son, like maybe around eight o'clock, and a friend ended up coming and staying with me.
• 20:10
  Shandi: And so I didn't get into surgery, you know, we probably got there around four, and I didn't get into surgery until around midnight.
• 20:18
  Shandi: Um, but they did, yeah, really quick surgery and you know, woke up.
• 20:25
  Shandi: They, I think I was they had me in on the maternity board, um, which was really nice.
• 20:31
  Shandi: Uh, but they had to, they were worried about infection.
• 20:35
  Shandi: And it was just kind of this thing where it was like, oh, we kind of thought we were like going home like in two days, and then they were like, no, like there was like never a straight answer of like we're gonna keep you for a week because we're worried about like you have an infection.
• 20:49
  Shandi: I just kind of like slowly was like, yeah, maybe we're just kind of keeping an eye on it.
• 20:53
  Shandi: So and nobody could give us a straight answer of like when we're going home.
• 20:56
  Shandi: So they transferred me to the ICU maybe on that second day, and I stayed there for like five days.
• 21:02
  Shandi: So it was like being pregnant and having like pretty major surgery like that was not expected and pretty wild experience, and thankfully everything was okay.
• 21:16
  Shandi: You know, I had to be on antibiotics for like a month afterwards.
• 21:20
  Shandi: Um but after that, just kind of like then it was like going into winter, and things got a little easier.
• 21:28
  Shandi: Winter was hard, like I found winter being pregnant was tough, especially with a toddler trying to keep entertained and warm and being outside.
• 21:39
  Shandi: And yeah, it was pretty ice, like icy winter.
• 21:42
  Shandi: So just going on walks was hard.
• 21:44
  Shandi: But I do want to add to after the appendix surgery, like how great it was to have a community of friends and moms.
• 21:58
  Shandi: It felt like I was being treated like I was postpartum, just people bringing food and helping care for Finn because my husband was, you know, still working and um yeah, not having family in the area.
• 22:14
  Shandi: It was pretty amazing the help that we got, um, especially when I was in the hospital too.
• 22:20
  Shandi: Just people, because I didn't we Finn did come to the hospital maybe once and you know you could tell he was a little upset seeing me in pain.
• 22:30
  Shandi: And so it was great to have friends with similar age kids who were just taking them for the day.
• 22:36
  Shandi: And yeah, it was we really appreciated that.
• 22:41
  Angela: Wow.
• 22:41
  Angela: Yeah, that's a lot.
• 22:43
  Angela: So how were the rest of your midwifery appointments looking for the rest of your pregnancy?
• 22:50
  Shandi: Yeah, it was really great working with a home birth midwife.
• 22:55
  Shandi: We worked with Julie where all our appointments were at home and she was really flexible with working around our schedules and that way my husband could be there after work and made it easy with having another kid where I didn't have to pack him up and go anywhere to an appointment and he could just be home playing and like really be a part of the appointments too.
• 23:22
  Shandi: Which I felt like she did a really nice job of including him.
• 23:27
  Shandi: She would l let him listen with the photoscope when we did that or take his blood pressure and just kind of made it fun for him so he wasn't feeling left out.
• 23:38
  Shandi: And yeah, but our appointments were always very straightforward.
• 23:45
  Shandi: She would take blood pressure, listen to the baby, but a lot of it was just talking about life everyday life and how I was feeling and you know just checking in on my mental health along with my physical health and she was very supportive of you know more of a natural route where she would suggest supplements or herbs and very knowledgeable when it came to herbs and what might help with different pregnancy symptoms.
• 24:20
  Shandi: So I really appreciated that aspect of it as well.
• 24:24
  Shandi: And yeah we would you know she'd end up being there for like two hours and it just felt like we were getting together with a friend who really yeah cared about us and over time it felt like yeah we had a great relationship with her.
• 24:42
  Angela: So yeah so when did you get to meet Rachel?
• 24:46
  Shandi: Yeah so I had met Rachel before just through friends and kind of social events but we didn't have an appointment with her until our like 36 week appointment um where they did like the home visit to make sure we had all the supplies and kind of you know she asked about my birth with Finn and we kind of went through that and how that went and if I you know how I would want things to go differently.
• 25:16
  Shandi: So she was very yeah attentive to like my desires and how I wanted things to go for this birth and yeah so they were very proactive with just like asking the right questions.
• 25:31
  Angela: So what about your decision like to hire a doula or not hire a doula this time what were your thoughts on that?
• 25:36
  Shandi: Yeah I we decided with Finn we really were happy having a doula and working with Sarah and this time around you know just having the hospital stay with the appendicitis like finances were definitely a little more tight.
• 25:53
  Shandi: And just with yeah doing the home birth with the m two midwives felt like we had the enough support already.
• 26:02
  Shandi: So we just decided to stick with them and not use a Doula this time around.
• 26:07
  Shandi: But Sarah was still you know I was still able to reach out to her with questions and saw her for acupuncture and she was definitely still a great support through pregnancy as well.
• 26:19
  Shandi: But yeah the rest of the pregnancy went pretty well we did the 20-week ultrasound and all looked good we decided to like wait to find out the gender um and I guess the only other test we did was the GBS test and that was negative so that was yeah something we didn't have to worry about.
• 26:47
  Shandi: And right because that was an issue with their first pregnancy right yeah because he came so early we just didn't get the test results back and so they treated me especially being in the hospital as being positive which then it came back negative like an hour after he was born.
• 27:04
  Shandi: So yeah um but yeah uh the rest went well and we did do another trip down to North Carolina and again like never get sick other than little colds and I got pneumonia which was like also another wild experience.
• 27:26
  Shandi: I've never had pneumonia before and um yeah had to go to a walking clinic and again take antibiotics.
• 27:32
  Shandi: I never thought I would take so many antibiotics while being pregnant um how many days were you at that point?
• 27:40
  Shandi: I was it was in March Yeah I can't remember exactly I had her my due date was May 16th so it was like mid-March but yeah pretty far along at that point but yeah and then then it was just kind of with Finn with him coming at 37 weeks we never entered that phase of like waiting and like yeah it's a hard game because with her we were like well there's a chance she could also be early or she could come late and just trying to like keep it in my head like she's not coming like not getting not my hopes up but I feel like towards the end I was starting to feel like tired and pregnant and ready to meet her and yeah the whole aspect of dealing with a toddler at the same time and it's just a very different ball game already having a child and so it was like our my in-laws they rented a place for the month of May during because we knew yeah due date was the 16th so just to have them there to help with Finn and it's like the busy season for my husband working early spring.
• 29:09
  Shandi: So they came and it was nice just to have a distraction those first couple weeks and we were able to just like go on the island and go for walks and have some time where they took Finn and I could just yeah have a little time to get things ready at home and but the waiting game was very kind of yeah kind of messed with my mind a little bit of just like okay she could come anytime or it could be two more weeks or three more weeks and so um yeah but towards the end it was um we like it was my due date it was May 16th we decided to just you know go do something fun we took a we had like a little motorized canoe so we took the canoe out um on a lake and went for a little hike that day and um Finn and Fletcher went mountain biking and we had like a really nice day and my in-laws came over that night for dinner and you know every day we had dinner with them quite often we would always talk about like okay what are we gonna do the next day and that night I was like I don't I can't think about it.
• 30:26
  Shandi: I don't want to like think about doing anything tomorrow.
• 30:29
  Shandi: I just kind of I don't know if I just knew but I just felt like I I just can't even go there right now I feel like I need some time.
• 30:39
  Shandi: So and then later that night is when I went into labor.
• 30:42
  Angela: So yeah.
• 30:44
  Angela: Yeah oh my gosh it's so funny how you get that sort of feelings of intuition although you still don't really know even though like you saying things that like you kind of know right yeah so how was that for you like that day and yeah how was your birth yeah we yeah so I think we just kind of went to bed and my I kind of on and off throughout pregnancy I'd wake up in the middle of the night and like needed a snack and that night I woke up around midnight and had a little snack and right after I just like my stomach felt really upset and I just started with like the loose stools and I was like okay this is I think this is a sign.
• 31:26
  Shandi: And I don't think I was really having any contractions but it felt like every 45 minutes to an hour I was like waking up with loose stools until like four o'clock and then when I woke up around that time I noticed the contractions and they were pretty mild but I felt like I was still kind of already like making this like vocalizing moaning through them a little bit and I you know I was trying to keep in my head like okay it's still early like things could slow down when the sun comes up so I was trying to sleep in between contractions and I did start timing them around then and they were like about every 10 minutes and they would last like 30 seconds and I want to say around like five or 530 I called Julie just to give her a heads up and she kind of said the same thing like just keep resting like don't get up don't start doing anything because of course you know we were ready but not like ready ready and everybody else was still sleeping in the other room and um so I was just kind of by myself in bed still was I I had the window open had some like morning light in and um I went on maybe for like another hour and I had texted my father-in-law and was just like can you guys come grab Ben this morning and he said yep and I knew he would be like the only one awake that early and so he said that he would come get him at eight and I want to say I called him like shortly after and was like I think you guys need to come sooner like nobody was still awake but I just had a feeling I was like can you come like at seven or 7 30 and and I actually had to like pause the call to have a contraction during it and so he he was ready to come get that get bin and I texted Julia at the same time and just kind of sent her the a little screenshot of the contraction app and it was like 6 30 but you know I was in it and I was like not thinking like I need to call her because things were definitely getting closer together and they were already lasting a minute and um she didn't obviously get it.
• 33:53
  Shandi: And so I think maybe like a half hour later I was like oh I need to call her and I think Fletcher had finally woken up and I just kind of got up and went out and was like I think things are happening and he was just like okay like I think he from Finn's experience for how long it labor was with him he I I don't think he thought things were happening very quickly.
• 34:20
  Shandi: But at that point I was like every contraction I was just kind of like in bed on my hands and knees like moaning into the pillow and Finn had woken up and came to lay with me and he kind of was with me through one contraction where he was just like Ben climbing up all over me and I was like I can't do this like definitely knew I didn't want him there for labor.
• 34:47
  Shandi: I just knew I wouldn't be able to really focus on it.
• 34:51
  Shandi: And thankfully like yeah I called Julie maybe around seven and she heard me have a contraction and was just like I'm leaving here in 10 minutes and she's about a half hour away so I think she realized like oh things were happening quickly and my in-laws got there maybe around 7 30 they got thin and I was able to say goodbye to him and as you know I think Fletcher's mom was kind of like where's the midwife because she could hear me like our house is not very big and she so she could hear me and she was like where's Julie and Fletcher was like don't worry like this could take all day and um as they were driving they drove past Julie and you know as she was coming so she got there maybe 15 minutes after they got they left and after I called Julie I asked Fletcher to fill up the tub.
• 35:44
  Shandi: We have like a big tub in our bathroom so he started filling up the tub and I called her back and I was like can I get in the tub like I really wanted to just get in the water and get off the bed and I so I got in and that definitely helped just to like be in the warm water to help ease some of the pain but it was definitely feeling like really intense and I already felt like I wasn't pushing but I had that feeling of like a lot of pressure down there.
• 36:11
  Shandi: And she got there around 745 and Rachel was actually she was away and wasn't going to be on call until like nine o'clock that same morning but she ended up calling her in um to come which was great because I had really wanted her to be there and yeah she got there like 10 minutes before I had her.
• 36:39
  Shandi: So it all just kind of worked out perfectly it happened really fast and yeah I labored in the tub for a while kind of just holding on to Fletcher's hands with every contraction and was very very vocal which was thin I had a heart like I was vocal but I felt like I was trying to hold it in and like was making really like high pitched noises and with this it was like deep like and it just felt good to like move help move through it and I found myself saying okay a lot like I just like I when I felt a contraction coming I was just kind of murmuring myself like okay okay okay like prep it yeah like it's gonna be okay like and I just had this thought like I just need to get her out like the faster she gets out the faster this is like the quicker the pain goes away and not that it I mean yeah it was intense it was very intense and so I had yeah I had her in the tub I like yeah once Rachel was there it was like started pushing pretty quickly and I'm probably pushed for like about a 10 minutes which was similar like with Finn I pushed about 10 minutes too and um her shoulder got a little stuck and you know we didn't have like a blow up birth pool so you can access all sides so it's kind of like a little in the corner of the bathroom.
• 38:09
  Shandi: So Julie had to the way I was positioned she like was up in the pool with me and so she was able to help get her shoulder out because it did get a little stuck.
• 38:21
  Shandi: So she helped a little there but was able to like yeah basically catch her and bring her up to my chest and lay back in the pool.
• 38:29
  Shandi: Her cord was also like Finn's cord was very short and her cord was a little short as well.
• 38:34
  Shandi: So I couldn't like get her up all the way but we were able to just sit in the water for a little while and yeah it was just kind of so surreal that it had happened and how quickly it had happened especially with it being just kind of through the early morning and being by myself most of that time.
• 38:55
  Shandi: Just yeah it was pretty much exactly what I was hoping for.
• 39:01
  Shandi: And um yeah and we were I you know birthed the placenta soon after in the pool um or in the tub and after that we were able oh and we didn't know what her gender was so we looked and you know I saw it and Fletcher was like that's a boy and I was like no that's a girl like that's a girl so that was kind of a funny moment.
• 39:33
  Shandi: But yeah it was just so sweet and they I think Fletcher took her from the tub and moved to the bed with her while I just like rinsed off in the shower and it was great doing it in the tub because just easy cleanup for every you know for them and um we're able to just move right into bed and cuddle together and just being at home and the first thing Fletcher said was how great it was to be at home.
• 40:05
  Shandi: He was like compared to the hospital like this was such a great experience to just be in our bed and not yeah not have to deal with all of the things and to have our baby with us like right away and they you know made us tea and breakfast and cleaned up and you know gave us a good hour plus to ourselves while they and like you know getting us all the things we needed and yeah it was probably a little over an hour before we ended up cutting the cord um which was also a different experience from Finn where it was like this because his cord was short they had to cut it before I even birthed the placentas.
• 40:49
  Shandi: So that was great.
• 40:51
  Shandi: And the the afterbirth contractions were very extreme the second time around.
• 40:58
  Shandi: I don't I didn't really remember them with Finn but they yeah they lasted for you know a couple days and they were pretty intense early on um but nursing went really smoothly with her and yeah it was just yeah it kind of felt like I was on a high for a couple days after that experience.
• 41:19
  Angela: So oh my gosh that's amazing yeah pretty pretty excited about it.
• 41:27
  Shandi: Yeah oh my goodness and you know it was nice to be home and laboring kind of by myself and I felt like they showed up just when I needed them like when I needed like okay it's go time and just knowing they were there in place things were set up and having that backup in case anything did change and you know Julie was only there for about 45 minutes before Thea was born and Rachel showed up like 10 minutes before so it seemed like the perfect amount of time to have that support and but prior to that to just be by myself and then have Fletcher with me for a little bit of time to help support me through that all the contractions was yeah it just seemed like the best you know the best time timing thing.
• 42:26
  Angela: So so how was it like when Rachel came in like do you remember her coming in or like how was that like yeah I felt like it was just even when Julie came it was just like she came in she was getting stuff set up you know it could you could tell she knew things were happening and even when Rachel was there it just felt like I I don't remember if I was pushing yet but right it must have been like right after where it was just like okay like now it's time it felt like things were it just felt like it was ready like okay now we can move on and baby can come and things were good.
• 43:06
  Angela: Yeah and so of course one of the best parts about having a home birth midwife is also their postpartum care.
• 43:14
  Angela: So you don't have to leave like they take care of you they're checking on baby for the full like six weeks right after so what did your kind of like yeah like postpartum care look like with them yeah I I mean that day of it was nice to have them there to just help us settle in and clean up and feed us and really tend to us during that the first few hours and they weren't there super long.
• 43:41
  Shandi: They you know let us kind of come back to just the three of us and then Finn and and then the next day Julie came back and oh and during that time you know they took the time to like look at the placenta and Rachel made like little placenta prints for us and Just like all these little touches that were sweet.
• 44:03
  Shandi: And um yeah, Julie c came back the next day to, you know, weigh Thea and just do all the checks and um like the heel perk and things like that.
• 44:14
  Shandi: And yeah, and then maybe it was like a couple days after like a week, they you know, they have kind of a schedule where they keep coming back and or she she would keep coming back, but even in between she would always be texting me and she would let me know, like, I'm gonna text you tomorrow morning and just check in.
• 44:31
  Shandi: And so she was like, yeah, really just on top of it with checking in and making sure things were good and we were feeling good.
• 44:41
  Shandi: And yeah, it was nice to also not have to leave the house to go to do those appointments.
• 44:49
  Shandi: I would think I was able to just really stay home in my little bubble for like the first three weeks.
• 44:55
  Shandi: And my first outing was actually Julie had a little gathering of some of her clients um that she worked with in the past or working with now, so we could all like meet other moms, and it was like right on the three-week mark.
• 45:10
  Shandi: So I was like, Oh, that seems like a good gathering to get out of the house, be with some other like-minded people, and yeah, meet some other families who had similar experiences.
• 45:22
  Angela: So yeah, yeah, uh, that's awesome.
• 45:26
  Angela: So, how old is she now?
• 45:28
  Angela: She'll be four months on the 17th.
• 45:32
  Shandi: So yeah.
• 45:33
  Angela: Oh my goodness.
• 45:34
  Angela: So how have these last like four months been going for you?
• 45:38
  Shandi: Yeah.
• 45:38
  Shandi: Um, well, it was really great having my in-laws here those two weeks after.
• 45:45
  Shandi: It was great that she kind of came around her due date.
• 45:48
  Shandi: Um, because that was the other thing.
• 45:50
  Shandi: It's like, oh yeah, she could come two weeks late.
• 45:52
  Shandi: And then they were, but they were able to extend uh their rental another week, which was really great.
• 45:59
  Shandi: And so they were able to stick around for three weeks afterwards, which was so helpful with having Finn.
• 46:05
  Shandi: And Fletcher was able to take a couple weeks off um as well, which was so helpful, just having another kid.
• 46:14
  Shandi: And yeah, they brought Finn back that first day, you know, later in the afternoon after we had some time to settle in.
• 46:23
  Shandi: And yeah, he's just so sweet with her and a really good brother, and then also navigating all the you know, toddler and jealousy and all of that the last couple months.
• 46:36
  Shandi: But overall, he's been a really great kid through it all, and um you know, I feel like it's a roller coaster postpartum as a roller coaster.
• 46:48
  Shandi: We had a lot of help with friends and meal trains and early on, and yeah, and then you just kind of get back to reality almost the second time around.
• 47:03
  Shandi: It feels quicker that you kind of come out of that bubble.
• 47:08
  Shandi: But I did try to I waited a while before like getting out by myself with the two of them and just really enjoying the time at home.
• 47:16
  Shandi: I have, you know, I I don't remember, I had a little bit of like postpartum, maybe anxiety, depression with Finn, and this time around, like I've noticed that crop up again.
• 47:31
  Shandi: Um mostly just anxiety and kind of stress around it, and just mom guilt and trying to navigate all of that as well.
• 47:41
  Shandi: But yeah, I think just being able to recognize it and like reach out to people who can help if you're going through that is really important.
• 47:52
  Shandi: But yeah, it's been a really great experience and just yeah, having a girl is like a whole another experience too.
• 48:02
  Angela: Oh my goodness, that's that's awesome.
• 48:05
  Angela: And yeah, like community support can't be an upside for that.
• 48:08
  Angela: So so helpful.
• 48:11
  Shandi: And having, you know, when you have your first kid, I didn't really have any other friends with children.
• 48:18
  Shandi: And so just kind of over the last three years, like meeting other women with kids similar ages and like making some really good friends through having Finn has been, yeah, just a such a great experience.
• 48:34
  Shandi: And like ri one of my really good friends, she her son was born like four days after Finn, four or five days after Finn, and she also got pregnant when I was pregnant with Thea.
• 48:46
  Shandi: So we were 10 weeks apart, and so we were able to kind of go through the whole thing together, and you know, she also had a home birth with um her second baby, and yeah, so it's just been really great to have women who have are going through the same thing at the same time and we're all kind of staggered, so we can kind of just talk about everything and yeah, yeah.
• 49:09
  Angela: Oh, that's awesome, that's so cool and fun, fun experience to get to walk through it with other with other moms too.
• 49:15
  Angela: Now, as a final question, I know I asked you this before, but at this point in your journey, like after everything that you've been through, if you were to give advice to other like expecting parents or even new parents, what is some of the biggest things you'd want to share?
• 49:31
  Shandi: Yeah.
• 49:32
  Shandi: Um I don't really remember what I said last time, but I might have been something similar where it's just like be flexible, don't get stuck in like one way of doing like going through pregnancy and or how like going through birth because things change and a lot of things are out of our control.
• 49:53
  Shandi: Yeah, like with the appendix, like I would have never had expected that to happen during this time, and yeah, so just being open to things changing and um and also like having a second one, like it kind of you can look back at the first one and you know, if it is your first baby, just don't like yeah, postpartum, but don't take things so seriously, I guess.
• 50:25
  Shandi: Things kind of feel easier the second time, like you're just worried about less.
• 50:31
  Shandi: You know, this time around, I feel like I'm not Googling things or looking at milestones or you know, making sure she's on track for all of these things.
• 50:41
  Shandi: It's you kind of have a sense of like my baby is good, like things are good and right, and yeah, it just feels easier the second time around after experiencing it the first time.
• 50:53
  Shandi: So just don't put so much pressure on yourself during that time, I guess.
• 50:59
  Angela: Yeah.
• 50:59
  Angela: That's such great advice.
• 51:01
  Angela: I totally, totally agree with that so much.
• 51:04
  Shandi: Yeah, it's just wild how you know with Finn, like my pregnancy felt so easy, and then birth was kind of tough.
• 51:12
  Shandi: And then this way around, it's like, yeah, you think you have it figured out, and then it's like, yeah, pregnancy was tough, but birth was fairly easy.
• 51:21
  Shandi: So you just never know.
• 51:23
  Shandi: You just never know.
• 51:25
  Shandi: And and I do want to say, just you know, it's like this time goes by really quickly and it's really easy to forget all the little details.
• 51:37
  Shandi: So I really appreciate what you're doing and to be able to record this to, you know, look back on for both of them.
• 51:46
  Shandi: It's really great.
• 51:47
  Shandi: I appreciate it a lot.
• 51:49
  Angela: So oh, well, it's really just such an honor to hear everybody share their their birth stories and really like relive it in a way in this time as we're we're sharing it.
• 51:59
  Angela: So yeah, thank you for sharing.
• 52:04
  Shandi: Yeah, thank you.
• 52:05
  Shandi: It's great to great to chat with you.
• 52:13
  Kate Sutherland: Follow the walk of the wild ones into the woods and the darkness.
• 52:18
  Kate Sutherland: It's up to us now to open up and take beyond what we felt.