Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Adult Baby Doll with Fortune Feimster

Transcript

Adult Baby Doll with Fortune Feimster · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hey Chelsea. We are fresh off the boat
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: from my Orka. We took a sailboat all the way
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: there from the Pacific coast, so that took us O God,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Trace says, yes, you went to Row significantly.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: I came home and I told my Bell and Felix,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: who worked with me at my house with me in
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: concert because I'm doing so much. I told them that
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: my Spanish was deteriorated in Spain. I think the last
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: week was the worst because I had three full Spanish
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: speakers there and well, you also speak Spanish, and I
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: realized just how basic and fundamental my Spanish is. So
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: I told him no more speaking English at home. This
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: We're only speaking Spanish from now on. And so now
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I can't understand anything the funk that's happening. I don't
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: know what she's talking about, but I we're sticking with it,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: and I'm learning. Mam Bell is also dual LINGO now
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: for yeah, Well she I'm just like, listen, We're just
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: gonna fucking figure it out. She loves to correct me,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: so it's perfect. This is a huge a tudity for
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: her to put me in my place. It's like a
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: total status shift. So I am winding up my stand
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: up tour. Vaccinated and Horning is coming to a screeching
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: halt at the end of the year. I have my
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: last dates coming up, and these are the last opportunities.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: You have to also buy merch from the website Chelsea
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Handler dot com if you want Vaccinating Horny merch or
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Captain's hats that say We're the Captains now for women only,
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: our t shirts for men in your family that say
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry because they should be. I only have a
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: few dates left. I'm going to be in Wheatland, California,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: this Saturday night, and then I'm going to Tucson, Arizona
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: next weekend. November five is Tucson, November six is Colorado Springs,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: and then Rockford, Illinois, Minneapolis, Rosemont, Illinois, two shows in Tampa,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: a show in Fort Myers, Florida, Daytona Beach, Hollywood, Florida, Concord,
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: New Hampshire, Wooster, Mass wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania. Wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: there I said it, and then San Diego and Riverside, California,
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: and then Baltimore, Maryland, and then my very last date
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: is December six in Reading, Pennsylvania. So this will be
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: the last of me performing. How do you feel about that?
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Very relieved and excited. I mean, I have had a
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: really fun time touring. I liked my schedule. Three months on,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: one month off, three months on, and now these last
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: couple of dates, I just have like two shows each weekend,
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: which is totally doable, and so now my special will
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: come out. Now I can use these shows to come
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: up with my next hour. I just don't know what
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about. Do you try out like
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: new material as you're sort of closing out of show. Yeah,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I've been trying out some new material. Yeah, I mean,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: it's hard to come up with an hour, so I've
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: got to really use these dates to do it because
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: I have all the time, you know what I mean,
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Like I could stay on stage for two hours and
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: screw around, but I've been doing this set for so long.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I can't stop touching my breast. I have
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: this weird sports brawn today that's like turning them into
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: yeah us and I don't like that feeling. And then
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: they also look like they're coming It's not the right look.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: I've already got a unit boo going on too, but
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: it's more because of my shirt, like the design on
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: my shirt, which is what's his name, Eddie from my
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Iron Maiden brand, But yeah, he's is that a real person?
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Because I mean, I wish so. I love spooky things.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: I'm also hosting the Critics Choice Awards, you guys. That's
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: exciting on January, Yes, which you'll be aired on what
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Never Work is at c W. I'm not sure c
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: W great, Yeah, But I do want to talk about
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: something Katherine, that I learned about you. I want to
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: say first, I forgive you because on the way over
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I forgot I had a COVID test because I'm doing
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: a TV show in the morning, the Talk, and I
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: made a little let us wrap with some ground turkey
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: and some onions. And normally when we're doing a podcast,
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't do that, you know what I mean, I
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: wouldn't have onions when I'm coming in to speak so
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: closely and sit so closely next to you. But as
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: you revealed over our vacation, in my worka you bring
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: hard boiled eggs onto fucking airplanes as a snack, not
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: two or three like nine trainer. There was a photo
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: that her husband Brad showed supplied me with. This is
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: after my foot breakdown because of people and their bare
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: feet on planes. I'm still having a massive influx of
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: pictures of feet out on airplanes, and I just want
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: to let everyone know if they're wearing socks, that is
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: not as offensive as a barefoot. It is the bare
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: foot that is not clevered or clean or hygienic, and
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: it's inappropriate. It's like a it's disgusting. And they're putting
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: their feet on stuff like screens. Some people are putting
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: them on the ceiling. Some people are putting them on
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: the windows. It's just gross to have your bare feet exposed,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: and also on a dirty, dirty vessel like an airplane.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: But back to you, I am flabber gas sooner I was,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: You're at a flabber gastado because I cannot believe that
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: you would think that that is acceptable. That is the
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: worst smell there is. I know it's pretty bad. I
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: have been known to bring a full bag of eggs
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: on a plane, you know, to share with people. Share.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: No one wants to share. It's just like a perfect
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: little shot of protein, and I know it's it's pretty bad.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: It's pretty heinous. But if you want the protein, get
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: something else, get a full protein bars make you fart
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: on planes, I'm convinced, well, they make you fart anyway
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: and on planes, But the good protein bars actually don't
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: make you fart. But there's other ways to get protein,
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: and you need to find out what they are. I
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: do love a beef jerky. That's not that great either,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: by the way, that smells, so that's better than hard
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: boiled eggs, though I mean eggs you need to eat
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: right away so the smell is gone and they're not warm.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: And I love hard boiled eggs. I have a whole
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: refrigerator of that because that's where they belong, in the
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: refrigerator at home, not untraveled. Speaking of hard boiled eggs,
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: I have my longtime girlfriend here today. Her name is well, actually,
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: why don't you say a few words and see if
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: anybody can recognize your voice. This is Chelsea's girlfriend. She's
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: she's not only my girlfriend, she's also in a marriage
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: and I'm part of their throuble. This is the theme
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: in my life as I'm a third wheel to lots
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: of different couples. I know, I know because I put
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: out left right and sets her. No, No, we haven't
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: ever had sex yet, but I'm still we're still in
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: a throat all, we're in an emotional trouble. It's Fortune Feamster. Everybody.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: You may know her from you. We would probably have
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: been introduced to her on Chelsea Lately, where I was
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: introduced to her, and now the whole world gets to
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: enjoy her. And she just walked into my podcast office
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: or whatever the funk this is and she I was like, oh,
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: Fortune person. I was grabbing her leg. I'm like, this
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: feels smaller than normal. And you revealed that you'd lost
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: forty pounds because she played a c I agent c
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: I a CEE I not a clatorial investigator, a Central
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: intelligence officer, central Intelligence agent agent. And her most recentse
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: in a Netflix show. Yeah, it's gonna be on Netflix.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: Sits with Arnold Schwartzenegger. Oh is that how you say
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: his name, Arnold Schwartzenegger. I don't. I have a very
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: thick accident. I don't pronounce anything right. Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: a very tricky name to say, so we'll just call
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: him Big Arnold. Was how was that I was working
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: with Arnold? It was awesome. I was out in Toronto
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: for five months filming. Yeah, and it was all action stuff.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: I was, you know, running, I know I was running,
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: had a gun stuff. Wow, you'll be very turned on.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: I can't wait to see that. So six months there.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: If I've meant to tron too. I saw you had
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: to cancel some gigs because you got trapped there. Had
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: to cancel my European tour because production got extended for
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: almost a month. Oh yeah, and you also have a
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: new Netflix special that just came out. Congratulations on that.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Thank you. It's called Good Fortune. Why why didn't you
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: do Fortune Cookie? I don't know. I didn't think about
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: for the next one, the next one. Yeah. If you
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: just put your name in everything, like I put my
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: name in everything, nobody could tell the difference between one
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: thing or the next. It works. Yeah, it's my my
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: new hour. I'm very happy with its awesome. Thank you.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: I shot in Chicago while I was filming this action show.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: So when do you think you'll be going back on
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: the road. Um, I'm gonna do like club dates in
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: November and December around California, and then announced a big
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: tour starting the end of January. Oh, great hit a
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: bunch of new cities with new materials. So if you
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: have any ideas of things that should talk about, let
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: me ship. I know I have talked the same boat.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I'm just wrapping up this tour and I'm like, okay,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: I have to come up with some new material and
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I should be doing it now since I
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: already taped my special, but since my special isn't out yet,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: I just keep holding on to the same show. I
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: don't know fucking time for any creative juices right now.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: That's the hardest part about putting out a special is
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: riding a whole new agg I just I know, I know,
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: tell me about you because when I there are certain
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: comics that like to run their hour before they tape it,
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: like two hundred times. I can't do that. I like
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: run it seventy or seventy five times, and then I'm
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: theater dates after I've run it in clubs, so maybe
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: like eighty five altogether. But I can't go past a
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: hundred because then I'm just sick of my own material.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: I this one, I did a lot. I did a
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: hundred cities and about a hundred sixty shows. Wow, that's
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: a lot. Fifteen of those were post filming sows, right,
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: And were you able to come up with some new
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: material while you were doing those new shows or did you? Yeah?
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: And then you have to and then here you go
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: back on the road and you have to startch five
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: minutes into an hour. You're like, ohh ship, isn't it funny?
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Every single time. It's the same thing with a book.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: Every single time I'm done writing a book, I'm like,
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: that's it. I'm done, nothing left. And then of course
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: you're like, fuck, I gotta write another book and I
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: gotta do another stand up show. How many books have
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: you written now? Uh? Six? Six? I'm on my seventh
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: right now, I'm writing a new one. And and I
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: just had a phone call with my editor this morning
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, listen, this is all over the shop
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: and she's like, do you want to show me some stuff.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: I'm like, nope, it's not made for anyone to see.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: I've never written a book. I thought you did write.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Oh that seems weird, like everyone from Chelsea lately wrote
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: a book. I didn't. I was I didn't think at
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: the time that people wanted to book for me. I
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: felt like it wasn't the right time. But I feel
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: like I'm maybe have a book in me now. Yeah. Absolutely,
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I feel like everybody has a book in I've never
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: I've never done it. Yeah, well that seems like something
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: you should tackle that. Do you want to write it
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: for me? Yeah? I love. I would love to be
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: a ghostwriter. Can you imagine you trying to write my story?
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: And then this bitch had some brownies? Oh, like I
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: saw the clip we did. We did an episode of
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: night show. I think it was a Netflix show where
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: we all did cannabis. We had a cannabis dinner and
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: fortune was definitely the highest and the funniest for about
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: They actually set me my social media team set me
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: clips of that dinner and I was like, you're not
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: capturing how ridiculous this got. I was like, go back
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: and look at the footage. You need that, we need
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: the out takes. Out takes. We laughed until we couldn't breathe.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: You thought she thought there was military inside my house.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: She's like, is that man wearing a military uniform? I'm like,
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: what he had on? Camo pants? And he was he
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: was the lighting guy and he was breaking the lights
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: down and I started yelling no lights left. I was
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: high for like six days after that dinner. I mean
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: it was because it was a cannabis infused dinner, so
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: that the food, everything, everything. So just when you thought
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: you couldn't get higher, you did. And she had never
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: had no self control with food. Well, but you also
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: don't have any self control with cannabis because you had
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: never done it before. Never. Yeah, I had not done
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: a lot of edible so I didn't know the ratios.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: And I can't believe you didn't get sick. I don't
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: I was high until noon the next day, but I
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: did not get sick. But everything was very fuzzy. Yeah.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: My one of my eyes didn't open the next day
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: until eight p m. It was a wild time. But
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: you we did, you know, go through the stages of
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: laughing uncontrollably. We got so hungry after the dinner. Your
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: assistant was gonna go get us burgers, and I went, yeah,
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: I want a burger, and then you get or we
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: could just get a wrap. And I was like, oh,
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: wrap what You're gonna get high and eat something semi healthy? What?
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: And then I came to under peer pressure and I went, yeah,
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: she's like she's like, I'll have a turkey rap spinached dortia,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: good memory, that's exactly whatever. Some some good fats on there,
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: like avocano. What drugs did we try and didn't? I
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: give you a little mushroom in Montreal, Yeah, but I
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: didn't end up doing it. Oh Jack jack too much?
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: Somebody gave me don't work. I think he has a
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: high tolerant. Those were weak ones. Actually, you know how
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: I knew they were we I so this guy gave
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: me light, medium, and then strong. I would have heard
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: of my friend Allison's house one day and she's like, oh,
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: you have to try these mushroom gummies. I was like,
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: oh my god, mushrooms are my favorite. That's more. I
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: like mushrooms more than cannabis. And because they just make
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: you awake. I've never had mushrooms. I know, well, why
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: we don't know. I'm that Nancy Reagan campaign and really
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: stuck with me. But you're a lesbian and she wouldn't.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: She wouldn't approve of that either. Fortune, so you need
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: to divorce yourself. You have to divorce yourself from Nancy Reagan.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: Fortunate as someone who had never done mushrooms, and I
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: did like one of those little light gummies. When we
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: were in ma Yorka with Chelsea, it was so chill
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: you barely feel it. You just giggle, you have a
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: great time, and then you like feel yourself kind of
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: coming down from it at the end of dinner, like
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: it's not scary. I'm pretty chill though already. Do you
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: think I need to be chilling? It just it's a
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: good point, Like I guess it would be already. Maybe
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: I'm already on mushroom and maybe I don't know. I
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: saw that trip you guys took. Now. Chelsea had two
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: groups of friends come visit her in ma Yorka. The
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: first group they were doing like forty mile bike rads
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: and I was like, no thanks. And then the second
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: group was like we're eating dinner every night where everyone's
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: bringing food. I was like, that's the that's the group
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: for me. Yeah, I had. Actually there was a group
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: preceding those two groups, so there were three groups. The
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: second group where these exercise maniacs all my friends from
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: Whistler and and who basically left my Orca ran a
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: marathon in Berlin and then came in six in the
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: World Championships for triathlog the little the little that little
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: claym muscle. Yeah, she's she's a fucking lunatic. That's not
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: want well by the way I listen. I actually I
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: was like, this is too much exercise, Like one night
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: I had heat stroke. I was like, this is too much.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: But then when the last group came in, I turned
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: into and and I took like four of them. I'm like,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: who wants to king? Who wants to go hiking? We
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: went on a five hour hike by accident with Katherine's
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: husband was there. It's a spearheaded thank god, because I
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: was by Have you ever tried to follow a trail map?
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I can't follow a map or anything.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: So if I had been left to my own devices,
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: I would be bed right now. And it was a
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: tricky hike. I mean it was high and scary and
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: we had to climb hike down to the water to
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: hike back up. Finally our cousin, my cousin Molly picked
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: us up because we were like, this is a bunch
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: of noise. Yeah, the one that I'm sleeping with, I
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: always go, yeah, that's funny. Yeah you that hike part,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: that's too much for me. I would have been eating
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: calamari somewhere. Well, we did, we ate and drank. Katherine
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: was there, Katherine and Brad came. We had so much
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: sangria every day at lunch and then I just like,
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: I just and then I would just I get motivated
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: by drinking, like I want to go exercise again, like
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: because so I can burn off the you know, because
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: you're sober up quickly. But it's just sangria also, which
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: is basically watered down with juice. Yeah, it's like a
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: it's like a Caprison. Yeah, that's true. It's an adult.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: Did you drink a lot? Do you think you drank
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: more during your days on Chelsea Lately? Or do you
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: think you drink more now? I probably drink more now. Yeah,
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: I'm so much healthier than I was on Chelsea Lately,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: But I think I drink the same. Yeah, Like how
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: to eat handle your liquor? Well, do you know you
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: never act like sloppy? Well I did, I did? I had. Yeah,
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: now you're a lady. Now I'm elegant. Now I'm elegant.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: Was the love of the stories you would tell about
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: going out and saying that limit the lemon, that lemon
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: juice comes in and empty. That was hilarious. I would
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: also take those little squeezeable lemons you buy in the supermarket.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: They have the lime and lemon which is fresh lime juice.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: Well it's not fresh because it's sucking canned, but I
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: would take that and then i'd go to the Improv
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: to do a set. But I did trust their lemons
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: because you know, it's the Improv and I don't want
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: their fruit, and so I would squeeze that little lemon
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: into my vodka wherever I went, and it became my
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: person and all canteen. That is so funny. Just I
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: just picture you with just getting a lemon out of here.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Where do you wait? Let's talk about Chelsea lately taste
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: what are Let's see what's one of your favorite memories
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: that sticks out? Can you think of something off the
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: top of your head? Because we dressed you up a lot.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: It was par to line, abusive, wait for fortunate it,
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: but she always had such a great attitude about it.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: You treated me like your adult baby doll, like I
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: can just put fortune and whatever I want. I was
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: just happy to get a paycheck because when I got
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: your show, I had had had no money. I was
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: out of money, and you became a right well at
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: first she became a writer, but immediately we were like,
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: she has to be on camera. Yeah. When I interviewed
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: with you, I owed my roommate like two grand and rent.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: It was. It was dire, straight wow. I wasn't sure
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: what I was gonna do. I mean, I wouldn't have
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: gone home. I would have, you know, figured it out.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: I would have gotten a job somewhere, Starbucks, wherever, I
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: would have done whatever. But the dream was to be
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: in the business and to be a working comedian. I
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: interviewed with other people first and then had the meeting
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: with Chelsea, and I had no, you know, no expectations
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: of it because I didn't think I had a chance.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: And honestly, I think that I was first. I think
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: I was your first interview of the day. And now
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: that I know you, I know that like you just
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: make your mind up about something and don't want to
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: come back to have to do something. So I think
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: luckily you liked me, and you got up in the
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: middle of my interview like ten minutes into it, and
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: you go, okay, well, thank you, and I was like, oh,
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: she hates me, and you left and I called my
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: you know manager. At the time, I was like, well,
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: I guess I said something to offender. She got up
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: in the middle of the interview, and y'all offered me
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: the job the next day. And now that I know
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: you know that, you just were like, yeah, I like her,
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: and I also don't want to have another meeting, So
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: it was a little bit of luck. You know. Well,
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: I think anyone that would have met you would have
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: understood the quality and the contribution you were gonna you
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: were about to make because we had such a band
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: of idiots on that show, so that anybody with a
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: good sense of humor, and that made me laugh, and
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: you know it was going to be a good time
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: because that was like a proper like fraternity party. That
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: was before well, actually no, there was hazing. Probably, yeah,
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: you guys pranked each other all is home and I think, my, yeah,
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: my second day, you send an email from my computer
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: to like everyone saying that I like to get naked
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: and have to take meetings and hot tubs something like that.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: I would get in early because I'm an early bird,
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: so I would get in early and then just start
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: sending emails from different people's account. This was before you
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: could get in trouble for those two kind of kinds
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: of things I would send. I would send emails to
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: human resources and be like, I found two naked people
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: in the kitchen this morning, and then send them a
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: picture of the employees, and then they would have a
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: human resource meeting. We would come out to people. I
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: would come out for other people. I would set people
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: up on dates with people from e Like. It was
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: so inappropriate everything we did, but it was a lot
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: of fun. Yeah, I remember. I remember one day we
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: were sitting there because we would have every time there
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: was a birthday, we would have cupcakes or whatever that
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: person wanted. If they wanted Mexican food, whatever their favorite
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: thing is, we would set it up. And I remember
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: sitting after work one day and we're all sitting there
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: eating Mexican food, drinking Margarita's. It was like Margarita Thursdays
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: or something, and I was like, do you think other
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: people laugh as much as we do? And everyone's like no, no,
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: And now that I'm not on that show, I realized, no,
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: people don't laugh as much as we were laughing because
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: it was constant stupidity, and it didn't We didn't really
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: even care what other people. We never cared how the
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: show was being perceived, which is why I think it
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: was just success because no one was worried about it.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: We just did stupid, stupid sketches. We're like, oh, we
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: should dress somebody up like this, or they show us
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: a clip from some stupid reality show or something that
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: Tara Reid did, and we'd be like, oh, let's reenact
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: it and it will make her be Tara read and
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: show we could be you know, a bowling ball or
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: whatever we decided, and we would just run with it,
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: and we didn't have any time to be self conscious. Yea,
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: which is I think that really one of the key
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: ingredients to a successful endeavor is to not overthink it. Yeah.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: And I think people just really love that you put
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: together all these comedians that like, you love seeing everyone
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: interact with each other, because everyone would make you other
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: laugh or pick on each other, or you would give
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: people crap. So many people still to these days say
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: they felt like they were a part of that with us,
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Like they were going to bed watching us be silly
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: with each other, and that kind of was like lightning
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: in a bottle. You don't see comedians like that interact
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: in that way. Anyway, we're gonna do it again. We're
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: gonna reboot it, and we're going to do it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: because now we have all of us and then this
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: whole new crop of comics that are fucking awesome and funny,
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: and we can mix them all together. And I just
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: want to put a show together where you can show
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: comedians being funny without being racist or sexist. Since everybody
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: seems to be fucking complaining about parameters, It's like you
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: could do all of those things without being offensive to people,
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: you know. I want to show them how easily that
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: is done. Now, would you do that like an every
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: night kind of thing again? I don't know. I don't know.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: I mean we're having the conversations now, so we'll see
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: where it leads. I don't know. I mean, like I
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: still want to, like go to Spain. Yeah I can't.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: I can't be a year round job. Okay, let's talk
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: and I have Spain. My sister is like, how are
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: you going to do a real job with your lifestyle
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: that you've been I could only work two hours a day.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: But one thing that's changed for you because you had
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: a lot of different love interests during the show, and
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: we're always very concerned about Fortune's love interests. We always were.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: We always didn't want anyone dating her for the wrong reasons.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: And she's so sweet and loving and gullible that at
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: that time you were. I mean, you're still sweet and
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: loving and probably a little bit gullible. And there were
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: a couple of, you know, weird ones that came through.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: But now you have been in a successful relationship with
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Jack's for over ten seven seven years. Yeah, I came
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: out late, you know, I didn't come out until five,
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: So I was making a lot of mistakes. Like you
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: take the TV show and television in general away from
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: the mix and me just trying to date. I was
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: making a lot of mistakes that you should make when
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: you're eighteen, nineteen, early twenties, you're making college those kind
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: of things. I was making a lot of those mistakes
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: in my late twenties, early thirties, and you happen to
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: be around for some of that part in my early thirties.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: You know, just you don't know who's dating you for
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: the right reasons, or all of a sudden, I'm on
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: a television show that females are obsessed with So you know,
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: a lot of women kind of came out of the
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: woodwork because they loved you and they love the show,
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: and so sometimes you were like, do they like me
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: or do they just want to meet Chelsea? Like, I
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: didn't know. So I went through some experiences where you
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: find that out and some were some were good, Some
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: intentions might not have been good for some people. But yeah,
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: it took me a while to really figure out what
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: I wanted and what I was willing to put up
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: with and what I felt I deserved. And that took
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: me till, you know, mid thirties to really figure that out.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: And then I met Jack's Like, right as I was
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: figuring that out, I met her. So tell us about
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: your relationship with her, because it feels very healthy, it
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: feels very supportive. She moved out here to be with you.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: She doesn't always come on the road with you, but
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: you guys obviously spend a fair amount of time together
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: on the road. By the way, nobody should have to
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: go on the road with anybody because it's a fucking
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: ball buster, and that we shouldn't have to expose that
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: to anybody. So I get not wanting to do that,
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: but tell me about some of the growth that you've
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: had within that relationship and how that supports your mental
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: health and career and all of the things that you
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: know you bring to the table. Yeah, I think I
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: met her at a town where I was tired of
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: being someone's option. I had a lot of people kind
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: of treating me like you'll do for now kind of thing.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: And I remember specifically being like, I'm done with that.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: I want to meet somebody that wants to be with me,
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: and I'm a priority for them their priority for me.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: And she came into my life and right away I
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: knew that there was something different about her and about
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: our connection, and we just clicked. And we were long
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: distance for a year because she was living in Chicago,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: and then yeah, she like made that decision to leave
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: her job. She was a kindergarten teacher in Chicago and
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: inner City Chicago, really amazing teacher. And I remember being like,
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: am I ruining this person's lie by like having her
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: come out to l A. She's such an amazing teacher
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: and she loves Chicago. But you know, she did that
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: for me. She wanted us to work and us to
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: be together, and I was touring a lot and acting,
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: and if she hadn't done that, you know, we might
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: not have been able to to make it because my
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: schedule was so crazy. But she was willing to put
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: me first and no one had ever done that for
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: me before. And so she moved here and we just
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: kind of started this life together. And yeah, it's a
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: very I think, very healthy relationship that you know, we
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: support each other and she's very helpful with career stuff.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: She's kind of like part of the circus now. She's
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: always I don't there's no decision, I don't run by her.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: She's very much at the helm of everything I do.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: She was executive producer on both my specials. Yeah, like
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: and very good at it too, not just like putting
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: her name on it. She's going frame by frame with me,
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: watching all the shows and all the shots and making decisions,
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: picking music, helping with fonts, you know, all that stuff
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: that goes into these specials. You don't think about my
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: team as they say, loops her into everything. She's very
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: much a part of things more than people realize. So
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: you know, she's just wants me to succeed and be happy,
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: and that's what you want, you know, I want her
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: to be happy where I'm always like, what can we
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: do to give you balance? You know, if you don't
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: want to go on the road, don't. Let's find things
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: that are important to you and things like that. You know,
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: and do you guys, how do you guys handle any
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: friction in your relationship when that comes up? Or does
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: it not come up? Do you not have any friction
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: every I mean, I don't know any couple that doesn't.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: I was just pretending to ask the question. I didn't
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: mean that. Yeah, I mean, we we definitely have our
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: moments like everybody, but I try with her because she
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: is my wife. We got married two years ago. Even
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: if you're like or disagreeing or fuss in at each
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: other or getting at each other's nerves, try never to
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: be mean, you know what I mean, or say mean
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: things because those things are hard to walk back. But
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: that's not your personality anyway, right, that's my personality. You're
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: just you would never be mean. I don't know, I
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: don't I've never seen I'm sure. I'm sure I've been
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: a dick plenty here right now, say something mean, Yeah,
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: it's it's the accident. But I get on her nerves
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: for sure, I'm a little I definitely have tunnel vision
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: when it comes to my career, and I have to
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: really make myself step outside of myself sometimes to be
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: like you are being too I on the prize, Like
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: you have a wife, you have other people in your
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: life you have to think about. You cannot just be
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: thinking about a dog that needs to be brushed. Yes,
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: I have to press feed my dog. You know what
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: I'm because you get so wrapped up in work. No,
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: I get it. I know there. I'm always there. I
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: have to always remind myself to have a life. I mean,
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: even though it doesn't look that way from afar, It's
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: an internal struggle I have all the time, you know.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: And I never want her to feel neglected or like
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: I'm not putting our relationship as a priority. So and
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: and I'm guilty of for sure, like getting too much
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: tunnel vision with my career that sometimes I'm like, oh, shoot,
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: I did it. I should have been better about her birthday,
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: you know, things like that. I don't want to be
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: that person that neglects my person because of career, because
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: at the end of the day, I do want to
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: be successful, but I don't want that to be everything
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: it can't be everything. I have to have balance. Yeah,
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: so that's my challenge. Yeah, I think that's very relatable
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: to anybody in this industry. You know, it's like ambition
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: versus balance, because ambition is you want to remain relevant,
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: right and you want to have people asking you to
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: do things, and you want things to not be as
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: challenging as they were. But I think as you become
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: more and more successful, it's like there's different sorts of
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: challenges and it's it never seems to this business, it
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: never seems me enough, you know what I mean, Like
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: for your own self, but for even other people. Like
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: I can be like, oh, I've got a special coming
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: out and an action series and people are like what else?
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Why is that not enough? But it never feels like
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: there's enough, Maybe because we consume so much so quickly
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: now with entertainment, it just seems like everyone's like what next,
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: What next? One next? That you feel like you can't
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: even stop and breathe to like enjoy what you just did.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: You're like thinking about the next thing. So that will
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: be the thing in my relationship that I have to
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: really pause and make sure I don't get too stuck
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: on that career stuff that I'm making the person that
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: I love feel like they're not a priority. Yeah, And
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: do you guys, have you guys ever been to counsel
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: couple's counseling? Early on, we went to a couple of
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: sessions because I was in therapy. I originally went to
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: therapy to get to the bottom of why I was
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: choosing the women I was choosing, why I was putting
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: up with certain things and not thinking more highly of
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: myself in that way. So she came and did a
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: few sessions with that therapist that I was with at
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: the time, but we haven't That was a guide ecologist
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: by the way, It wasn't a therapist. I'm just here
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: to tell you that I referred you to her and
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: that was alogist. Well it all checked out clear, maybe
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: all clear, So she proceeded with caution. Uh no, we
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: haven't done it since, but I would be open to it,
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: you know, I mean, I think it doesn't it couldn't hurt.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: I would imagine it would help with your communication in general.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: If there's any anybody that's feeling like they can't say something,
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: I would hope that would be the place you could. Yeah,
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: I was watching that show A Couple of Therapy that
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: we were talking about. Have you ever seen that on
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: show time? A couple of Therapy. It's like a real,
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: real life couples with this therapist. I love that ship.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: I fucking love watching couples in therapy because you see
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: the transformation that happens, and you see when there's no
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: hope for a couple where somebody's just done and the
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: other person. But sometimes it seems that way in the beginning,
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: and then they come together and then it's really about
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: listening to the other person. Some people can't hear, you know,
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: like when there's conflict, they just shut down and they
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: can't hear what the other person is saying, and then
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: that becomes that cycle. But anyway, speaking of counseling, we're
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: gonna start counseling right now because that's what we're doing.
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: People call in for advice. So, Katherine, what do we
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: have on deck for this afternoon? We have some bad parents,
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: is what we have? Kinky kinky parents. I mean, actually
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: one of there might be something, but we'll take a
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: quick break and we'll be right back with some callers
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: and we're back. We're back fortune still the tub. So
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: I'm back alone. Oh there she is, She just puffed out.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: Let me just put my towel on. Hold on, I'm
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: ready for amazing. Well, don't forget to hang up your
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: LUFA and our first emails from Tarran Terreen says, Dear Chelsea,
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: my name is Tarran and I'm a thirty or four
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: year old lesbian from Atlanta, Georgia. I'm set to get
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: married to the love of my life this year. We
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: are both absolutely thrilled to finally be getting married, as
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: we've been engaged for almost three years and together for five.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: My immediate family shares our excitement and has been nothing
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: but supportive of us. However, her parents do not have
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: the same feelings, and we've been led to believe that
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: they will not be attending our wedding. This thought absolutely
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: breaks my heart because I've grown to know her family
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: and love them dearly. What's even more heartbreaking is having
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: to listen to my fiance as she tries to navigate
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: how to talk to her parents. They have said they
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: want to talk about it, but have made zero effort
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: in discussing details about our wedding and state only vague
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: religious reasons as to why they're not supportive. My question
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: is this, do you think I need to try and
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: say anything to her parents or should I continue to
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: stay on the sidelines and just be an emotional support
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: for my fiance. She's let me know she doesn't want
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: me to talk to them about it, and I should
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: let it go. But I can't help but hurt for her,
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: and I wonder if talking to them might help them
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: see a different perspective. I absolutely love your podcast, and
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: I highly appreciate any advice you have for me. Taran See,
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: I'm always an interloper. I like to get into people's
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: business and get involved. So I don't know that this
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: is the right advice for you, but okay, so yeah,
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: fortunately you give the advice, I'll go after you. I
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: just I always overstep and it's not always received warmly,
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: so I can't say that it's the right thing to do.
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: But I would make a case in writing about the
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: impact that this is going to have on I would
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: write an email. Yeah, I would just be like, this
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: is going to be forever. We're gonna get married and
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: you are going to forever. Have missed that moment in
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: your child's life and what you're foregoing like not with
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: the idea that the outcome was going to be to
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: change their mind, but to just try everything possible to
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: persuade them to reconsider one of the most important moments
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: in their daughter's life. How about your fortune? Well, I mean,
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: I think I can totally see you doing that because
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: you're there's nothing that you're going to not speak out about.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: That's the beauty of you. If you see something, you
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: say something you do like if you see something that's wrong,
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: you're like, I don't, this isn't right, which is great.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: I'm a bit more passive in my opinion, I would
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: be more of the support system for the partner because
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: she said that she doesn't want her to speak out,
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like, but I also from
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: my experience with people in the gay thing and the
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: religious thing together, whatever she's right is gonna write, it's
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: not going to change their mind right now. I think
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: people have to evolve eventually or not. She could write
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: the letter, I don't. I guess if you thought, what's
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: the worst that will happen, they're already not coming right,
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: so there is kind of nothing to lose. Ish But
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: to me, I I don't think it will change their opinion.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: When it comes to the wedding, because those deep seated
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: religious beliefs take a while to unravel, that's for sure. Yeah,
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: and they do unravel. Yeah, people are gonna evolve or
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: see how happy you are. But also, it's your day,
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: it's your wedding day. It's about you too, And do
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: you want that there? Do you even? I know it's
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: sad for your partner, but do you want someone there
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: that doesn't wish you? Well, yeah, that's a good point, actually,
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: But I think who wouldn't want their parents there? I
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: get that too. Obviously it's sad no matter what. But
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: I would want my parents there for sure. But I
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: don't know how good it would feel seeing them across
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: the room eating a slider, looking like they hate every
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: moment of being there. Yeah, but if you think about it,
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: and they they stared together for many years, and then
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: there's always that gaping whole of their wedding day that
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: they're her parents missed. It's like they're missing out on
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: the rest of her life in a sense, like they're
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: missing this real pivotal moment. And I would want to
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: lay it out to give you every last opportunity to
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: make sure you don't miss that even if it's just
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: the mother who came or the father who came, or
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: whoever's less religious or I don't know, you know how
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: to frame it. But I mean I would do it,
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: but I'm not recommending that you do it, because I
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: just can't control myself. Well. Also, if you do do it,
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: if you want to write that email, do it with
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: the expectation of having no expectation. Yeah, absolutely, I agree
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: with that advice. Yeah, just and softly with love. Yeah.
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: You can't be like you did this, you did that.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: It has to be like paneled with some kid gloves. Yeah.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: And the fact that Terrence said she also cares for
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: these parents, I think is a really good sign. You know.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: She's not like, oh, I hate them, they're terrible. She's like, no,
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: I also care for them, and it hurts me that
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: they wouldn't be there. I do love the idea of
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: writing a letter so it's not as like heightened emotions.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: But I don't know. I don't understand why people think
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: that this, like sitting out a moment in their kid's life,
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: is going to punish them or teach them a lesson,
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: or that they're not participating, that it's going to change
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: any results. I don't know that they think that. I
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: think they just think this is sacrilegious, Like I can't
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: lay witness to this because it's not under my belief system.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: I don't think that they're trying to teach them a lesson.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: It's more like we can't sully ourselves with this kind
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: of sing I'm not going to get into heaven if
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: I go to this, right, yeah, yeah, maybe an email.
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: I mean, maybe I'm coming around on this. Maybe an email.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know, don't what Chelsea, right, Sorry, what the
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: fuck is wrong? I would handle it because at the
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: end of the day, there are her parents. I would
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: handle it as respectful as possible, and they are going
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: to be your in laws for many years to come.
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: And I don't think that means to like not ever
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: push back against it. Goodness knows, I have pushed back
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: against things with my own in laws. But at the
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: same time, I do have the expectation and I know
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: that they're going to be in my life for a
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: very long time. So what I say or do, it
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: lasts and it matters. But if there is one thing
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: that either of you would say, if these parents decide
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: not to go to the wedding unfortunately kind of touched
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: on this, But is there something that you would say
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: to help this couple kind of feel better about the outcome. Well,
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: it's the same thing I would say for any event
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: where you're disappointed and something that's not there. You have
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: to celebrate the people that are there. You know. It's like,
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: if you don't sell out a show, you can't be
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: worried about the hundred tickets that aren't sold. You have
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: to worry about the fifteen hundred tickets that are sold
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: and the people that paid money to see you come.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: And in the case of a wedding, you have to
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: think about all of the people that are there supporting
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: you and loving you, and that if you go to
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: someone's wedding, you're usually going to be friends with that
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: person for a very long time. You know, that's an
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: investment into a friendship and that's a beautiful thing. And yeah,
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: as fortune step, you just have to think of it
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: as like negative energy. We don't want that there on
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: our special day. We want people that are applauding us
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: and like supporting us. And to focus on that love
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: and to keep reminding yourself of the gratitude you have
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: for all the people that are there. Yeah, I mean
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: I had a wedding party. We got married in Covid
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: and had a wedding party a year later, and there
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: were a couple of family people that couldn't come for
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: various reasons. And I was focused at first on that,
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: being a bummer and being like disappointed in that, and
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: then I finally had to let it go and it
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: ended up being such a special night and had so
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: many friends there and love and the friends that couldn't come,
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: you know, I heard from and you have to just
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: lean into that love. And the positive part of it
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: is at the end of the day, you met someone
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: you're marrying, And if you think about that, it's like,
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: it is so hard to find a person that you
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: want to settle down with and that wants to settle
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: down with you. Just finding each other was a miracle,
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: a miracle. So lean into that and recognize that you
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: did it. You found someone you want to be with.
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: They love you, and that is the true celebration, and
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: all the other stuff is just you know, it's people
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: there loving even supporting you. That's the positive cherry on top.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: But it is not what it's about. It's about YouTube.
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: It's funny to use the word miracle because Gwen Stefani
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: uses that word all the time, and I whenever I
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: see her, I always make fun of her. I'm like,
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: not everything is a miracle, Gwen, And she's like, meeting
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: Blake was a mirror, and that happened. She goes, meeting
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: Blake was a miracle. It's a miracle. I was like,
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: he was sitting right next to you on the voice.
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: Why is that a miracle? And she's like, Chelsea, it's
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: a miracle that I fell in love with him. I'm like,
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: and then I was like I started think about him, like, yeah,
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: maybe it is a recall. Maybe my cynical mind doesn't
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: believe in miracles, and maybe every little thing is a miracle.
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: I think two people will come together and in that
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: way that you you really think you can spend your
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: life with this person. You're gonna wake up to this
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: person every day and not get tired of each other.
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: That's a miracle. Yeah, but you don't know that you're
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: not gonna get tired. You you might, yeah, you might,
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: but you're going into it thinking I think we could
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: do this. These two things had to line up for
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: us to get to this point, and they're Gwen and
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: Blaker seemingly very different on the outside. So in a way,
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: that is kind of like who would have ever thought
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: her grown up in Anaheim him in Oklahoma that they're
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: passed with somehow cross like that. That's probably what she means. Yeah, yeah,
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: I don't know. It's a miracle. It's miraculous. Just enjoy it, right,
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: I guess right that email, I think that's what we
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: landed on. Yeah, and you can title the email every
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: day a miracle. Yeah, love is a miracle. Uh well.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: Our next question comes from Jazz. She's in her late twenties.
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: She says, Dear Chelsea, my parents have always pulled my
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: sister and I into their toxic, manipulative relationship. When we
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: were younger, they'd scream at each other, give each other
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: the silent treatment, tell one another they were going to
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: move out, all right in front of us. My dad
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: made us unknowing accomplices in his affair. My mom would
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: use us as ponds during their fights. I'm now in
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: my late twenties, living independently for my parents, and I've
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: been working with an amazing therapist for the last two
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: years on reparenting myself because of that. The most recent
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: time my parents tried to pull me into their bullshit.
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: Yes they're still doing this, I said enough is enough.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: I had a really uncomfortable conversation with my mom where
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: I shared that I needed lots of space and that
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: moving forward, I'll be making choices to protect myself from
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: being pulled into their relationship troubles. They've been going to therapy,
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: but I haven't seen much improvement on this specific topic.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: During our infrequent phone calls, they'll slip in that they're
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: mad at each other for some reason, blah blah blah.
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: I've been very open each time it happens that I
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: don't want to hear it. Here are the reasons why, etcetera.
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: Here's the issue. My sister, who I rarely get to see,
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: invited my parents and I to Thanksgiving at her house
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: this year. I'd love to see my sister and her fiance,
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: but I just don't think my parents will be able
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: to keep it together. The house will be in doesn't
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: allow for a ton of privacy, and they live out
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: in the middle of nowhere, so I can't stay somewhere else.
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: I know that if I go, I'll somehow get entangled
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: in their bullshit, if only from a spectator standpoint. They
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: don't really scream and fight in front of us anymore,
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: though I'm sure they still do this in private. Now
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: it's mostly underlying manipulation, giving each other the cold shoulder,
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: openly sending each other text like maybe I'll just move
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: out when I get home, which are easily seen on
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: my mom's phone from a distance because she has her
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: font up to a thousand. So what should I do?
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be around my parents together for
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: that long, since I know the boundaries still aren't there.
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: Is it shitty to just skip holidays and family gatherings
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: until this is resolved, knowing it might never be resolved.
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: I don't want to look back and think I missed
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: out on valuable time with my family. But I've also
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: been around enough fighting for an entire lifetime. Jess Hi,
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: jess Hi, Hi, that's so fucked up. Thank you? Oh
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: my god. I can't believe your parents are like act
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: like that. I know, yeah, I think they're doing their best,
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: but their best they're not talking about. I'm so sick
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: of everybody saying that everybody is doing their best. Some
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: people are just coasting and like just getting by. Not
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: everybody's doing their best. I mean, obviously they don't have
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: the tools to be doing better, because otherwise hopefully they would.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: But yeah, you don't have to give them that much credit.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: How long have they been married? I think like twenty
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: five years, so yeah, and they've never separated or anything
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: like that. They separated there is like an affair in there.
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: So they separated during that time. It was obviously handled poorly.
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: We've never spoken about it really as a family. So
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: and then they got back together just out of habit.
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: They're like, I guess you'll do exactly. And when you
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: started like setting the boundaries for them, how did they
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: respond to that? It was really bad. There's actually been
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: an update since then. So they have been going to
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: counseling and they went like three times and they're like,
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: we're good. And they asked if I would come to
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: the counseling with them. Wants to have me share the
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: boundaries in a facilitated way, because it was just hard
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: to share. And even in that facilitated way, they didn't
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: get it. They just kept saying like this is just
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: how we grew up and this is just how it is,
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: and like it's so small, like this doesn't matter, but
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: it's pretty intense. So I don't know. They just can't understand.
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: It's just how they grew up. It does feel like
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: that older generation is less into therapy and more of
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: like you just gotta stick it out, and the rest
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: of us are like cup bait, jump ship. Yeah. It's like,
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: you know when people think that it's like a fixed
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: state of being, It's like, no, you're in a state
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: of mind that you've decided is a fixed state of being.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: It's a state. Everything is a state of mind. That
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: attitude and that disposition is like, that's not how you
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: have to be. You have other options, but they're like, no,
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: this is me. Yeah. And what I've been struggling with
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: is like I don't think that's my job to help
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: them through it, but do I just like not see
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: them until then, knowing that it could never get any better.
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: And all of my friends have awful relationships with their parents,
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: so nobody else, nobody else in my life knows how
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: to handles either. So I don't know, Well, what about
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: your sister? Is she so she's okay with having Thanksgiving
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: with them? Because I don't want you to miss out
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: on Thanksgiving because your parents I just feel like you
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: kind of have to flip your narrative. They are going
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: to be the way they are, and I think you
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: have to try and have less of an impact on you,
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: especially around important holiday family times. This is an important
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: holiday that I don't want you to miss because of that.
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: I understand setting boundaries. I think that's totally health for
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: the rest of the year when it's not Christmas or whatever, Hanukah,
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: whatever you celebrate, if there's a way that you can
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: go and and and just disengage when that happens and
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: not take it on so much yourself kind of I
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: don't want to say disassociate because that can be a
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: dangerous word, but just kind of take a step back
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: and not let it affect you so much, knowing that
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: they're limited and that they're going to remain that way,
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: and that you've said what you're going to say, and
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: just leaving the room when things are going for a
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: walk outside when things get heated, and just being like
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: I told you, guys, I don't want to be a
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: part of this, and making sure that every time you
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: remove yourself from the situation when you feel like you're
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: getting to a place where it becomes untenable for yourself.
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: M yeah, yeah, you don't want to miss a good
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: family drama Thanksgiving. I mean sometimes that is fun. Well,
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: it's that it's fun if you don't come from a
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: family like that, like you had an affair I And
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: it's sympathetic that their children have to set boundaries for them,
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: you know, like way to parent your parents. You do
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: you think that happens a lot? Yes, I feel. I
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: mean it sucks. It sucks. It's like you can't change them,
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: and you can't make them have a happy, healthy relationship.
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: And if they're not gonna divorce, you also can't change that.
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: So I mean it is up to you to have
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: to either you don't go but again, like Chelsea said,
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: you're missing out on these big family holidays, or you
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: go with again, like tapering your expectations of what's going
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: to happen and trying not to let yourself get affected
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: so heavily by their energy and their actions towards each other.
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: Fin any way, it's like be with your sister when
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: you're they're focusing on that, you know, catching up there
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: and just letting mom and dad sort of hash it
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: out in the kitchen, you know, instead of like getting
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: in the middle, you can just be like I'm out,
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: I'm just here for sweet potatoes. Yeah, or even any
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: time it comes up, or if there is a fight,
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: you put on a podcast and fucking listen to it,
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: or put on an album and listen to it. Sorry,
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing this. You don't have to let it
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: run you for during that time. It's it's actually a
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: pretty good mental Jim exercise for you to be able
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: to go to an event and let them kind of
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: do their thing. I mean, they've gotten the warning, so
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: they're probably gonna be on better behavior than they have been,
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: even though their best behavior is still probably not going
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: to be good enough. I think it's a good exercise
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: for you to be a little bit more tolerant, knowing
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: that you've kind of drawn the lines, and then just
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: removing yourself when it becomes annoying or too much, just
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: walking outside and going for a walk and coming back.
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: That sends the message also like cool it or I'm
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: going to leave. What Fortune and Chelsea are saying echoes
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: something I talked about with my therapist recently, where we
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: were going home for a family thing, and I was
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: crying about like, well, what if I have to talk
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: about this stuff with my family and they're gonna be
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: shitty about it, or if I don't, then they're going
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: to talk behind my back. Blah blah blah, just you know,
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: kind of be an emotional about family stuff. And my
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: therapist said something that was so freeing, which was, yeah,
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: families talk shit, They're gonna do what they're gonna do,
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: regardless of what you have going on. Regardless sometimes of
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: the boundaries that you've set, the only one we can
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: control is ourselves. And so for me, it was such
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: a light to just be like, oh, that's just a thing.
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: I don't have to let it activate my stuff. It
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: doesn't have to get through Timmy. And I love the
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: idea of just like sitting there with a little podcast
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: and like taking a mental break, do a you know,
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: a headspace meditation, chill out for a little bit. Yeah,
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: just tell your parents you'd rather listen to Russian state
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: propaganda and then turn on Russian state news and then
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: listen to them fucking bicker at the table, you know,
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: or put on my Netflix special good Fortune. But yeah,
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: I think I just need to get comfortable like they
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: get mad when we don't get pulled in, and I
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: think I just need to be that's your thing. I'm
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: going to sit here and well people like that. I
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: want a reaction, and if you stop giving them that reaction,
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: eventually they will stop. They want it first, but you
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: got to kind of retrain them. But if you are
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: reactive to what they're doing, they're doing it because they
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: know they're going to get a response from you, and
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: that's what they want. They because they're not getting stuff
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: from each other, so now they're putting the tentacles out elsewhere.
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: And you just have to not I know it's hard,
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: it requires self control on your part, but yeah, you
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: just can't give the reaction they want, or any reaction.
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: I mean, sweep Jata your mom and say beach Okay,
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: maybe don't say that far, yeah, or saying I say
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: takes a mushrooms. It takes a mushrooms. Said, just sit
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: there and you'll have a great time no matter what.
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: Then to slip your parents some mushrooms. That's a good
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: idea too. I love this. I'm feeling much better about this. Yeah,
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: go with a good sense of humor. Yeah, treat it all.
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: Be lighter yourself going to it. Don't go like dreading
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: it just hung in mushrooms, air pods. Yeah, good fortunee
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: exactly for yourself. And then read it to them and
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: say it says you guys are getting to force fucking
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: fast track that ship. Play two truth and a lie, oh,
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: or your sister, and you can make a game out
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: of it. You know, you guys can have a nice
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: hidden game about how many times they get, you know,
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: say something or light each other you every time your
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: mom brings up your dad cheating, you drink it will
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: be wasted. But yeah, I think I think you going
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: lighter to it might help your anxiety as well. Yeah,
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: I already feel better. I was not taking the light
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: approach at all. It was just like I'm gonna or
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to go. But yeah, because here's the
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: best part. You don't live with them, and you don't
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: have to deal with that all the time. You get
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: to leave. Yeah, that should make you happy. You don't,
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: you're not the person in that. I was just like,
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: I wonder if I want to I could pay eight
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: hundred dollars to watch people fight, or I could go
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: on a trip without these people and have a good time. Right, Well,
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: you don't have to spend every holiday with them, Just
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: so you know, I don't spend every holiday with my family.
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: That doesn't make you a bad daughter, right. It might
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: trigger somebody telling me I'm a bad daughter, but no,
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: that we already decided you. You're also entering your adult phase.
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: I used to spend on every holiday when I was
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: in my twenties, but once I hit my thirties, you're
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: because I felt guilt. You don't have to spend a
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: real holiday with them. Yeah, and this is the first year.
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: I think it's that like weird in between, like it's
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: just expected. But choose one. I would go. I would
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: do like every other one every year. Thanks, even when
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: you're Christmas the next sure, but that's up to you.
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: That's up to you. Totally off the next year. Yeah, yeah,
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: and then you and your sister can like go to
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: Mexico with her fiancee next year. My sister is much
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: better about all of this. She just has no emotions. Yeah, amazing. Well,
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: thank you, Jas. I appreciate you calling in and sharing
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: this with us because I think it's going to help
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: a lot of people. A lot of people have questions.
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: Maybe not as bad behavior as your parents, but similar questions. Well,
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: thank you so much for the advice. I really appreciate it.
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: You're welcome to Happy Thanks, thank you, bye bye. Oh
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: she's so sweet. Yeah yeah, couples like that need to
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: do m d M, a therapy where they're both on
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: Molly and then all of a sudden create some new
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: neural pathways. Yeah. Yeah. Also there walking around naked. That's
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: a thanksgiving. That sounds great. Well, we'll take a quick
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: break and we'll be right back to app up with
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: Fortune and Chelsea. And we're back Fortune. We're back with Fort.
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome back, ladies. Fortune. Do you have any advice you'd
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: like to get from Chelsea? Well, it kind of stemming
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: off of what we were talking about earlier before we
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: took the calls, I was gonna ask you if you
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: did recommend a couples therapy because I feel like it
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: has that like negative connotation of like you only go
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: if there are problems. But I've been hearing more and
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: more people lately talk about that it that it's shouldn't
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: be like treated like that, that you should go even
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: if your relationship is good and healthy, that it can
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: help you in ways you never thought, And I had
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: never thought about it like that until I recently heard that,
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: and so I was just curious. Yeah, I think so.
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: I think it's very proactive because it's helps with communication, because,
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: like you have to understand, as healthy as your relationship,
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: maybe two different people come from two different backgrounds and
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: have two completely separate histories and two different ways of
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: viewing things, and it's only advantageous to learn about how
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: somebody else sees things. You can only learn from that.
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: And the strongest connection with people is communication like that
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: is the number one ingredient to be able to communicate
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: in a loving, calm way even when conflict arises, because
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: it's gonna arise. Something will happen where there's conflict at
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: some point, and when you have the tools to deal
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: with that, it doesn't become a hurdle. It just becomes
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: like almost an opportunity to grow closer, you know. And
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: I feel like that kind of connection, especially with a
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: third party, really can bring people together when both people
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: are very open to hearing about the other person's perceptions
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: and experiences. So I am a total you know, I
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: don't think I'll date anyone who hasn't been to therapy
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: or who isn't open to go into therapy. I think
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: both of us would be open to it, but neither
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: of us have really taken that seriously or or approached
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: each other about it because we didn't want the other
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: person to assume there was an issue. Yeah, you know,
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: so there. I feel like sometimes we just don't say
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: it because I'm like, I don't have an issue, and
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: you don't, I think have an issue. So by us
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: bringing this up, are they going to think that we
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: have a problem in the relationship that we don't, you
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: know what I mean? So that's okay, I'll bring it up.
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: We're going a happy hour later, so I'll just bring
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: it up naturally and just suggest what she said. She
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: said it to me before, and I've been like, you know,
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: so it's not like something she's against. I just feel
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: like it does have that negative thing around it. When
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: you say couples therapy, people automatically go, well, what's wrong? Yeah,
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: And that's not the king, you know, I don't think
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: so at all. I think really smart people go and
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: like proactively go to get you know, so that you
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: have somebody and then it doesn't have to be like
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: a regular thing like you don't have to go every week.
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: You could go once a month. But when there is
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: a conflict or a crisis or something comes up, and
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: that's when you can lean on someone and you know
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: you have that at your disposal, which is always just
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: I think, such a huge advantage, you know, to know
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: some you have somebody you can lean on for those
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: kinds of things. Yeah, right, well, there you go, and
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: that wraps up this episode of Dear Fortune Cookie. Fortune Cookie,
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: don't forget to watch Fortune Special, her latest special on Netflix.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: Good Fortune. There's snuggling happening. I can't wait for you
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: to be part of our thriple. We are to talk
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: to our therapist about it, about inviting somebody. And thank you, Fortune,
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: We love you, thanks for having me love you. Thank
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: you so much. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea,
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of I
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stump, produced by Catherine Law,
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.