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169: Building Resilience: How to Stay When You Want to Quit · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:23
  Welcome back to the show, my friends. Brian Covey is a former pro soccer player turned executive leader, podcaster, and author who thrives at the intersection of high-performance culture, emotional intelligence, and building championship teams. As vice president at Loam Depot and host of The Brian Covey Show,
• 0:41
  He is passionate about transforming teams and individuals through intentional leadership. Brian's magnetic energy and ability to spark transformation has made him a force in both corporate boardrooms and personal growth communities. Welcome to the show, my friend. Hey, Kelly. Great to be with you.
• 0:58
  I just realized, too, you got an update to that because this is our third try at this. Yeah, my friend. We said Loan Depot. Where are you at now? Cross-country mortgage. So, number one retail lender. And I like to be number one and compete. So, we made a move over here and loving it. So, yeah, that's an update for everybody listening. That's the current status. He didn't hire NTM to do his technology. So, we got a little screwed up with moving things around. Thank you.
• 1:23
  This is third time's a charm. So like I said before we hit record, he's the only person that's probably more sexy, more handsome, more smart than me. No, no, you got, you keep that title. I'll, you know, I'll do my thing. So you're a winner. You're like me. You said growth comes from adversity. What's been your most defining failure?
• 1:45
  Oh, man, I'll give you two. And I've got plenty more. But two that I look back that have defined who I am. And one, I had early success. Anybody that can relate where you're young. And I was fortunate enough to be pretty good athlete, dual sport with basketball and soccer. And I got called up when I was 14 to the U.S. national team. And I thought, man, like I've arrived, right? Like I get there, I get to camp and I'm like, this is it, you know, U.S. national team, like youth team. And
• 2:12
  I recognize really quickly, Kelly, not only were people just as good as I was, they were better than me, stronger, faster, had more experience. Some of them had already been in the camp. And so I was coming in and you realize very quickly that.
• 2:25
  There's a lot of talent out there. And in my small town, when you think about growing up in Memphis and you think about in your state, you might be the man or the woman, right? And then you get into these bigger pools and you start to realize, oh wow, regional team. Then you get to this national team. I'll never forget going through, you know Kelly, I thought I had a great performance. Went out there, I'm competing, I'm giving it my best and all that. And when it came down to make the decision for the final team, as we went through,
• 2:52
  I did not get selected. Wow. And it was the first time really in my career, like I was getting picked up for like AAU national team stuff with basketball, traveling, leading my team and club. And like, I just always was one of the top players.
• 3:06
  And it was the first time, like, failure I had to deal with the fact that, like, I didn't get picked for the team at all. Like, wasn't a reserve, wasn't, you know, any of that stuff, like, didn't get picked. And I went to this dark place, which some people can probably relate to. You know, we have extremes, and especially for men, I recognize this, we have extremes. And I got to a point where, Kelly, like, I literally said, I'm done. I quit. Like, imagine being on the brink of, like, achieving a dream and a huge success, which, like, I don't even know how many years.
• 3:33
  people actually ever get there. But going from that and then thinking I was going to quit. And fortunately my dad and one of my coaches that had been with me pulled me aside and said, Hey, I think you should take off a couple of weeks. Yeah. Take a break. We'll reset, take a pause. And then I share that story with everybody because like, imagine being on like the closest you've ever been to your goal and maybe your business is about to break through to that next level.
• 4:00
  and then you think about quitting. And one, I wanna normalize the thought process, right? Cause that's a feeling, but two,
• 4:07
  take some lessons, what I went through, is that could be an opportunity for you to reset, take a step back, and what I realized is there were things in my game that worked at certain levels that the new level I wanted to get to required a different identity, different belief system, and I needed to improve in some areas. And I wasn't ready, but now I could receive feedback as that came in. And so that could be a business lesson for you. That's not just sports. Like in my life, I look back to that and go, Brian, anytime you're almost at a breakthrough,
• 4:35
  it's probably when you're gonna break down before it happens. And like stuff's gonna hit the fan, it's not gonna work out. And I don't know if you can relate, Kelly, but like- Oh, bro, you go to my post this morning. So I wanna get the second one, because if that first one was any indication, the second one's gonna be great. I just put my post up this morning, it said,
• 4:55
  your competition isn't other people, isn't other companies. It's the things you tell yourself when you wanna quit. So boy, I'm dealing with it right now. We were just dying, I was talking with Stephen before we hit record and the amount of adversity that we're hitting and failure is feedback. And when it gets really, really tough, you know you're getting close.
• 5:17
  And it is literally the hardest thing in the world is to dive in. And I'm really impressed by you at 14 years old. You must have had a hell of a good infrastructure around you to keep you there. Because at 14, I just had a conversation with my daughter at 16. And she's like, Dad, I'm going to mom's. Because it's easier. It's hard being around me.
• 5:37
  Dude, I'll tell you, like my, my dad is a psychologist and he was a pastor. So I tell everybody, it's like, look, like no one did have the faith component, but I had somebody that dealt with that. And so I, I recognize I was very blessed, but also my coach who had played for the Polish national team, high, high performer himself actually knew enough and understood me to then coach me. And so, you know, don't miss that people listening. You don't have people in your corner. What did he say?
• 6:03
  told me I needed to take a little break. He's like, you're probably feeling that right now. I don't remember his exact words, but I remember Kelly was one of those where he said, Hey, come to the games, but just, just take a break, just take, take the pressure off. And, you know, I do remember he said, there's probably some things that we can get feedback from the coaches that were there and let's find out what's reset in a couple of weeks. And I remember showing up to games, Kelly, and it was really awkward, like showing up to watch my club team. And like, I'm sitting on the bench, not dressed out,
• 6:30
  not playing. And I'm like, tell you what he did is sitting on the sidelines sucked. I'm like,
• 6:34
  I wanted to get back in the game. Like after about a week, I remember of like sobbing and like, you know, this sucks, blah, blah, blah, you know, going through stages of grief almost. I was ready and he's like, we're gonna wait. And then he had me doing some runs after the game. And so second week I remember he's like, hey, you're not gonna play, but afterwards we need to get your conditioning. And that was one of the areas I needed to work on. And that was a health breakthrough because there were certain things, not going into too much detail. I wasn't in the shape that it was required to be at that level.
• 7:02
  So you dropped a freaking microphone on that. Well, what's the second adversity that shaped you? Oh, let's jump into business. So, you know, I've been in the mortgage industry 23 years. And about eight years ago, I remember waking up.
• 7:14
  It was Cinco de Mayo. Kelly, I'll never forget the day. And my boss and a mentor that I looked up to calls me and just says, hey, man, you got a couple of people on your team that don't want to work for you anymore. And we've started to look at that. And as a company, we're not sure you're the right leader to lead the charge with this because.
• 7:32
  The feedback we're getting and what we're hearing, like something just seems off and we know you're a high driver. Maybe you're just putting too much pressure on people and they don't like the fact that you might be holding them accountable. And we just that's not our culture here. And so we don't think you're the right fit. And so we're going to let you go.
• 7:52
  And by the way, leading a top one or two team in the entire company at the moment. So successful on paper, scoreboard, profit, growing, all the things. And part of that, Kelly, I knew because there was this tension of people on my team that I had where my standard wasn't their standard. I'm getting coached and then I'm working on coaching them. And it was this moment where I was like, I've never been told that I wasn't.
• 8:21
  qualified, like we're performing, like does the scoreboard not matter? Are we not making profit? Are we not leading? So leadership lesson number two for me in my life that has stood out was your performance on the scoreboard over here is not always an indicator that you're aligned and you're in the right spot as a leader. Mm-hmm.
• 8:40
  And Kelly, as I look back, there were two big lessons within that. One, I was given the book Extreme Ownership, Jocko Willink, Leif Babin. And I remember two choices. I can blame everybody else. And there were some people on my team that I could have very easily blamed for their performance, their participation, everything there. And I had a mentor at the time. And again, mentors matter. And they said, hey, you should read this book, Brian. This is an opportunity for you to have some self-reflection of like, what did you do to contribute to this? Because you're the leader. You're the leader.
• 9:09
  and you need to take absolute accountability. I'm like, I kind of understand it, but not at the level that extreme ownership. So I go through the book and I'm going through it, I'm getting coached and all that.
• 9:18
  And suffice to say, the company comes back to me in a week and says, hey, we've done some more due diligence. We've had some people reach out to us. Like we made this decision, we told some people, and there's all these people in your corner coming back going, there's no way you can let Brian go. Like that horrible decision. So I had people fighting on my behalf that knew I was doing the right thing. Come to find out those people were sharing some things that were not truthful. Imagine that. Never happened to anybody else in life, right? Yeah.
• 9:44
  Here's what I learned. The second lesson of that outside of extreme ownership and accountability there.
• 9:49
  Number two is I was allowing people to join my team because I had a lower standard. I'd hired people in and it was my fault 100% that I hired people into a role that they were not the right person. And so I led them on my team, which then led me to Kelly. One of the next kind of big breakthroughs out of that moment was I went and hired a coach that helped me with recruiting, attracting the right people. How do you interview? Who's the right avatar for me? Like, who do I work with? Well, who was it? Who do I not work with? Well, is it somebody we know?
• 10:18
  I don't know if Richard Milligan, he's at 4C Recruiting in the housing industry. He's become one of my best friends. Fast forward now, I'm coaching some groups with him. But Kelly, I share that story with people. So you know, like full disclosure of like, man, I'm on the brink of like losing everything to then a week later, they invite you back. End up not staying there for another year because after that happens,
• 10:38
  The toxicity that exists, you realize, one of my coaches would always say, go where you're celebrated, not tolerated. And they were just all the time. Yeah, it was time for me to move on. And that lesson has taught me all the things about ownership, how to attract the right people. And then as a leader, there's things that we always are improving on. And I had to learn that lesson the hard way.
• 10:59
  I'm literally having chills right now. This is so good because, you know, as I said, we've rescheduled this. First time we had a snafu. Second time my schedule was slammed. This is the third time. And everything that you just said already, I'm experiencing exactly right now. So let me just read back what you said. Mentors matter.
• 11:22
  go where you're celebrated, not where you're tolerated, radical ownership and accountability. And what you keep alluding to is massive self-awareness and massive emotional intelligence. And you've owned every part of this. This is why I wanted you on. There are no coincidence. I don't know if you're a man of faith, but I believe there is no coincidences. And this wouldn't have come out.
• 11:45
  We have done the first podcast, so we're going to get into the nitty gritty of it. Let's talk about emotional intelligence and leadership. So why do you think emotional intelligence is a game changer in leadership?
• 11:56
  Oh, well, I look at it this way. If we're not self-aware, most of us don't have anybody really giving us good feedback. And so I said the first person that's with you 24 hours a day is you. Like, you know, if you shaved reps off in your workout, you know, if you didn't make the sales calls, you know, if you took the easy route.
• 12:15
  People on the outside, even your coach doesn't know all that stuff. All he says, coaches only know what we share with them and what they can observe. But you are with you 24 hours a day. And this realization came to me probably seven years ago. And right after I had gone through that whole experience, I was like,
• 12:31
  I started to realize is, man, I'm not self-aware of some patterns happening. And the pattern for me, one of those pattern loops was I was allowing people in my life that were toxic that I was settling because I didn't believe I was at a certain level to hire that next level leader. So what I did is I settled by hiring B players and C players, which are a complete storm. You know what you get with them.
• 12:52
  And I was allowing them into my life. So if you're not self-aware, you would never recognize that pattern that I recognized in myself was I was the common denominator of everything. I understand. Can I interrupt for just a second? I want to ask you something. I want to, it's the only reason I'm asking because this is hitting right home for me.
• 13:08
  What's the voice in your head saying when you come to that realization? And then the second thing is, did you really allow them or did you look? So for my instance, I look for the best in everybody. I see everybody's potential and I tend to hire people on potential. Yeah. Because I love people and it gets me into trouble. We're cut from the same cloth. I mean, look at your body, look at the weight. Is some of that going on for you? Yeah.
• 13:36
  You ever have those kind of self conversations with yourself, whether you're working out or you're, you know, for me, I go on runs, which I'm not, I'm not a, I don't enjoy running. I put that out there until he's like, man, I run because my thought process and creativity, my brain goes. And the self-talk for me is some of the best self-talk. Like people say, I'm in the shower and I can talk. Maybe they're praying and they can hear God or they'll actually have these conversations. For me, I started just having these conversations through the day and realizations that,
• 14:04
  And I would start to have conversations with myself, like not in a weird way, like I'm talking to myself or something, but I started to be aware and listening to what my thoughts were, write some of those down. What were they? Because the reason why I'm saying this is I know that people are going through this, because I'm going through it right now, Brian. This is gold what you're sharing. Yeah.
• 14:23
  Well, let me tell you the ones that stood out for me. Some of the patterns is I started to reflect back. My first big pattern, I reflected back on my past failures a lot. You've lost money on deals before. You've hired the wrong people before. You've been fired before once that happened. Hey, that team didn't work out like you before. Hey, you've tried that and it didn't work out. For me, it went back to this like,
• 14:48
  all my failures. And you think about the number of negative thoughts and percentage of that every day is ridiculous. And so I was in that camp. And when I saw those statistics and I think it's still right, some 80,000 thoughts a day and 80% of them or something or negative, like I could be off in the stats, but I remember something standing out and I go, it's a lot.
• 15:07
  That's me. Like, guess what? Like you said, we are very similar. And the more we talk, we probably will realize how much more we're alike. And I started to realize was, well, if I want to be somebody different, then I need to start thinking different. You know, and I'm a huge Tony Robbins fan. Love Ed Milet. I started to input people into my life because what I realized is I was letting a lot of negativity of my own brain go.
• 15:31
  And when I would listen to Tony Robbins, he always said, you got to reprogram your brain. You got to change your state. And I'm like, I don't even know what this means. But I remember this in sports. And so I went back to, what did we do in sports? Well, we would do visualization. We would talk about how we would win the game. We would put ourselves in situations that were difficult. So when we got in the game, we would win. I'm like...
• 15:51
  Brian, business is no different. Life is no different. You've got to put yourself in situations that test you and build your confidence. And so that's when I started getting really serious about my working out, started doing CrossFit, and I realized I was just kind of going along, man. Let's be real. My workouts were average. How I was showing up to some things were probably average. And so my big catalyst was
• 16:13
  and I want people to miss this, was I needed to be in an environment for me to compete every day. And CrossFit for me was that outlet to go, I'm gonna show up, there's people better than me, there's people that are not at the level I'm at, but I can compete against myself every day.
• 16:27
  And that actually was the biggest catalyst. If I were to look back and say, what was the one thing that changed? It was getting super serious, like super serious about my health and fitness, taking on challenges where I couldn't do any of the movements. I was getting crushed in every workout, but I loved it. Kept coming back. Kept coming back. How old are you, Brian? I'll be 48 in August.
• 16:47
  What I see in you, and this is how I know that we're brothers from other mothers, is I'm doing the same thing. I'm in the middle of doing 500 workouts, and it sounded like a brilliant idea. Like, oh, I do 360 workouts. What's another 140? It's a lot. It's a lot. I did 272 this morning, and my body is going, I'm 49. I'll be 50 at the end of the year.
• 17:10
  And I wanted to challenge myself and challenge accepted, challenge hard. And why I was saying that is because I can see, I want everybody to understand here's two men of, of a certain age and wisdom, completely reinventing themselves, completely looking in the mirror and saying, what are we going to do next? So if the younger people that listen to my podcast are listening to this work works, man. And here we are almost 50 and they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're,
• 17:37
  and reinventing everything and working harder than we've ever worked before but smarter and evaluating everything so so kudos to you on that the self-awareness because this one gets tricky for people and they get in this woo-woo stuff the only thing i would add to that kelly is when you start recognizing your patterns something this is a tony robbins thing that i've studied now is the first stage is recognizing your patterns like you need to see the things you do you show up late to things do you keep your commitments
• 18:06
  Are you early to things? Like look at where there's just patterns in your life of how you show up and be brutally honest about it. And I always say, the more honest you can be, the sooner you can get to that next version of yourself. And so the harder you are on yourself,
• 18:20
  faster you get there. Now stage two, once you've recognized your patterns, is recognizing them and then changing course and going, okay, if I'm missing certain workouts or I'm delaying these sales activities or my thought processes and things over here default to negative,
• 18:37
  you need to be able to change the patterns, right? And I think that that's kind of stage two. The third one is somebody that can reinvent themselves and they create this new version that is completely different patterns and behaviors and beliefs. And so I'm always chasing that last, it's kind of like an aspirational version of like, what would the ideal version of Brian or Kelly show up five years from now? How would they show up?
• 19:03
  What are they wearing? What do they look like? What's their appearance? Who are they hanging around? What's the inputs, podcasts, people that they've got in their life? What's their relationship with their spouse, their kids, their health? And I take a step back sometimes and just go, what's that version of Brian? And then what that allows you to do is really go, what do I have to do to get there?
• 19:21
  What do I have to do? And for me, that has just been a driving force. I was talking to somebody this morning about these 10-year goals, and most people are just, they underplay that, me included. We just don't believe what we can achieve. And I looked at what I achieved over the last year, and my own fitness was just another one of those breakthroughs and what people can do in their business in a year, in their relationships, in their faith. We underestimate what 90-day sprints stacked up over a year
• 19:52
  can actually change your entire life. I love it. Everything you're saying we do. At my main company, National Technology Management, we run EOS, so 90 Day Sprints is another version of the rocks. I love it. We are literally, when I get down in, you're in Nashville now, right? Or you're in Memphis? I am, yeah. I'm gonna, you know, Burt,
• 20:11
  Michael Burt's a friend. Oh yeah. A bunch of people down there. I got to get down there and do a live show with you and, and just have some fun. Cause you know, it's, this stuff is great, man. You're great. I want to talk about the visualization a little more. Cause it's, it's a part of mine. How the hell do you do visualizations when you're in the thick of getting your butt kicked? Like,
• 20:32
  Like you just, that's all, this is all great. Sounds perfect. But Brian, I'm getting my butt kicked right now. How the heck am I supposed to be positive and have radical ownership and visualize success when everything is against me? Yeah. Well, I'm going through that season a little bit myself with changing companies almost 90 days ago, starting from zero. And most people don't know that. When I left, non-solicit, all the things there, like the people coming over.
• 20:58
  or the people coming over on their own will or from other companies and everything I had built doesn't just port over. It's not one of those businesses in our world where like it's a lot of legality and all that. So starting from, from zero has put me back in some of those spots like back up against the wall thinking,
• 21:15
  Do I have what it takes? I've done this before, but like, this is different. Like this is a different market and your brain starts going. So I'll tell you, one, for anybody listening is like, I just want to share that. So, you know, like I'm literally in one of those seasons coming out of it now in July where we've got teams starting. We're starting to have that momentum. I'm starting to see some daylight on the other side. But for almost 90 days, imagine not really having a win that actually goes on a scoreboard or a P&L.
• 21:43
  It's believing in invisible progress. I've said that over and over and over again. It's the hardest thing in the world to do. It's hard, man. So I'll give you some tactical stuff because I want to get like in the meat of it. I've been blessed to have visualization coaches, my dad, obviously in sports and all that, how I use it today.
• 22:01
  One of the anchors for me is music. And so one of my go-to songs is Oceans. And so you probably know that. Praise and Worship song, Hillsong United. The song Oceans for me has become an anchor. And what I've realized about music, I'm a bass player. I played in our church for years and all that is music can change your state faster than anything.
• 22:22
  Walking outside, nature is another one, right? Those are things that God has given us that to change your state quickly. And for most people, we don't leverage the tools at our disposal. And so Oceans is an anchor for me. When that song plays at any point, man,
• 22:37
  I slow down and it's this moment, if you listen to the words that are in that, you know, spirit lead me. And it's like, slow down and get in the moment. What I tell you is get away from any electronics, get away from everybody that you can, get into a quiet place that can be your almost sanctuary.
• 22:55
  If it's five minutes, 10 minutes, 30 minutes, like whatever you end up setting aside, start small. And actually for me, you're sitting down, kneeling, you know, obviously we're men of faith. So for me, like almost like prayer, like and slow down and sit in the moment and just let yourself be with your thoughts, which by the way, my friend, you know, this, most people cannot do that. It is weird. It is difficult. Your brain starts to go. Yeah.
• 23:24
  But just like building a muscle and working out, when you do this, you'll be able to actually start to slow down your thinking and get into a quiet state. Now, the next level for visualization is you need to be able to program and rewire your brain, meaning I'm going to allow what thoughts come into my brain.
• 23:43
  Not the other way around. If something comes in, it's like, nope, that's not where we're going right now. This is what I'm going to do. And I start thinking about the next meeting, how I'm going to show up in that next call. I start thinking about what does Brian need to do now? Almost like putting myself into that soccer game, going, here's the plays. Here's what's going to happen. See yourself winning. See yourself making a mistake and how you respond to that.
• 24:06
  That's good. And so put yourself, if you're going into like a difficult sales presentation, which all of us, you know, we're out doing those things. I put myself into that meeting and like I visualize myself before I do any speaking. I visualize myself going into any important meeting with people, conversations, and just play the tape.
• 24:24
  What do you want to have happen? And here's what's cool, Kelly. As you start to do this, it's like a movie. When you've seen the movie a few times, you know what's coming up next. You know who the characters are. You know what their dispositions are. But you get to write the story. And so visualization for me is a tool to go, how do I want this movie to play out? And when you do that, your subconscious is way more powerful than we even understand. You will start to actually reprogram your brain in ways. Yeah.
• 24:50
  And I will do this even on an airplane like this. Last weekend I'm flying back from Denver with my daughter. Dude, I'm listening to a podcast. I slowed down, actually found myself falling asleep for about 20 minutes. But you know what was weird is like, I listened to that podcast twice.
• 25:06
  And the things now are just, they're in my brain. They registered. And I go, how cool is that? So that's some tactical ways that you can get into that and go through it. And I would encourage anybody, it's like, find your music, find your...
• 25:22
  You're jammed with that. Slow down. Be in the moment. And afterwards, one thing I've started to use a little more modern is chat GPT. There are thoughts that will come out of that conversation. So I use the microphone button. And afterwards, I'll just speak into there. Hey, chat, here's what I was just thinking. I was going through my prayer time here or I was going through my visualization. Here are some things that are happening.
• 25:44
  This morning was even one of those like being on the sideline. There's this concept that I have that I'm wrestling and trying to put together. And I'll just speak it in there. And I could speak for two minutes, five minutes, whatever. And I just put that content there because for me, it's easier than journaling. My handwriting is really horrible. It's just messy and it's efficient. And so I'll drop these leadership thoughts and what I learned. And now I have this kind of central repository of things that I'm learning going through chat.
• 26:12
  And I can pull that up at any point and go, hey, Chad, over the last 30 days, what have I shared with you in some themes and patterns about leadership, about some of my fears? And I put it all in there because it is a way now for me to get instant feedback and coaching on what I've done. So that's tactics. You could do it today. It's all free pretty much, right? So.
• 26:33
  I'll add to that because I'm in the IT business. So I built out a whole channel. I have our EOS, our VTO. So our one, three, and 10-year plan uploaded there. I have specific podcasts like this. I'll convert and put it in there. Because it really gets to know me. And then I'll ask it questions. And I went in and I said, based on what you know about me, what's the one thing that I need to stop doing? Yeah.
• 26:58
  And it nailed it. And then it said, based on what you know, it gave me three, actually, instead of one, a little, made a joke on me. And then the second thing I said, based on what you know about me, after I stood on that all weekend, what's the one thing I need to start doing? It gives me three. And one of the things was, and you'll love this, was start...
• 27:16
  allowing the reciprocation in, I start allowing love in that you pour into everybody else. It sounds weird to say that about business, but everything that we do in our personal life equates into business. That's why I say, money won't make you happy, but happy will make you money. So all of these techniques that he's given you work, because I use them every single day. Now I happen to be getting my butt kicked right now,
• 27:41
  I'm not going anywhere. That's why I giggle. I only lose if I give up and I'm not going to give up. I've just been going forever, which leads me to faith. Wait, by the way, think it's such a small world. Weren't you in just in Utah? We were, yeah, with my youngest son.
• 27:56
  I was just in Utah and when I saw your post, I was on the, I was getting on my plane in Utah and I'm like, man, I wish I would have saw this earlier. I could have connected with you there and then I'll do you one better. I was just speaking in Palm Springs and I ran into one of your coworkers who does the same job you do, but in California as a, a,
• 28:14
  a lady, I can't remember her name, but she was so awesome that we exchanged numbers. You probably know who she is if I remember her name, but it's, and then I'm looking at yours, so I was prepping for the show, and I'm like, oh my God, this is his peer. Yeah.
• 28:29
  So a lady in California doing what you do, she's the, what are you, vice president or whatever it is. We'll take it offline, but I just, it's a small world that we were supposed to have this conversation. I want to talk about faith because we've been touched on it. I've always said a thousand times, faith over fear, both faith.
• 28:47
  rely on something in the future. Faith is the positive. Fear is the negative. Feed the positive. So talk about what role does faith play in your journey? You touched on it, but go a little deeper. Yeah, this is my favorite one. Yeah, outside of like family and faith, we talk about these Fs and Fs.
• 29:05
  So for me, I grew up in a house. My dad was a pastor. My mom, incredible example as well, like still alive. And their modeling of their faith and having the Bible open and taking us to Sunday school. And I went to elementary at Christ Methodist. Like, you know, I grew up in that. And then I went to a public school after school.
• 29:25
  I grew up in a house that had very fortunate, very fortunate. My parents modeled that and have been together and led with prayer before meals and taught us that. Kelly, it wasn't really until 18 until I had been an encounter and had my own personal relationship with Jesus. I'll never forget. I was at church.
• 29:47
  And I'm listening to the pastor at that time, David Nassar, who was on the circuit speaking and doing some stuff then. I've been going to church. I've been listening to all this. Like, I believe in God. I'm like...
• 29:56
  I know who this Jesus is and all that, but you know this is like having a personal relationship is very different. It was a breakthrough for me as I'd been asking some questions and I was wanting to go deeper. That for me is absolutely a pivotal moment. It was one where the first time I knew not only who Jesus was, but it was this now relationship where he knew who I was. I knew who he was in the life that I had been called to live.
• 30:21
  And it changed everything. I mean, things that I was doing, I no longer looked at and said, man, I'm gonna go out and party with my friends. Hey, I'm gonna go do this over here. Like my whole world started to change.
• 30:32
  And so I share a lot of people so they know is like, we all have that moment, hopefully in our life, that we have a decision we need to make, right? I remember there was a book that was shared with me, The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel. Is there anybody out there that's seeking or you're a seeker or you're wanting to learn more about that? Like, I would just encourage you to be curious and open-minded and go experience that for yourself. Because without that,
• 30:54
  It's hard to really have faith. We can have faith in certain things, but it's gonna be so limited. It's like the person I always think about is like, you wanna go get in shape, but you're not really eating the nutrition or doing the workouts to do it, but you watch the videos and you see the things. You're more of like a spectator.
• 31:10
  you've got to get in the game. I believe Jesus has called us to do that. Get in the game. Look at what he has given you as far as your unique gifts and talents. And that is really, your goal in life is to give those talents and gifts and serve people. And once I realized that,
• 31:27
  Kelly, my world changed. And that's not to say that it got easy every year or like everything's been perfect, like far from it, actually. The standard at which I continue to find myself called to every year, and especially this year, I've been challenged to another new standard in some areas. It's challenging. And there's times where it can feel very lonely and very much there. But what I know is, and I'm confident in this, is Jesus, he doesn't qualify. You know, he's talking about this. He doesn't call the people that are already qualified. You've probably heard this.
• 31:56
  And always think about this as like, he's not looking for the perfect people that already have it all figured out. Listen, life is hard, business is harder. And if it were easy, everybody would be doing it. And what I find remarkable about the two of us is we've ended up in a similar situation
• 32:14
  a couple dollars in our pocket, good genes, good bodies. And we grew up totally different ways. So it really, the nature versus nurture, I would tell you that it's all you and a lot of faith. It's your actions and faith. And if you don't believe, whether it's God, source, Jesus, Hanukkah, Harry, whoever it is, just look back at your life.
• 32:41
  and see the alignment and know that you're batting a thousand. You've overcome every single thing and have faith. It's going to continue. The only way it's not is if you decide to check out who's going to do that. But some of you, you're not.
• 32:56
  are living every single day but not really even aware. You're not free in your mind. And that comes with having faith in something. I don't care what it is. And what comes from that, I'd say all of that, Brian, to ask you this question about authenticity. So how can leaders and you show up more authentically in today's business environment
• 33:17
  Because that to me comes from being self-aware, being emotionally intelligent, doing hard things, and then believing in some sort of higher power. And then you have no problem showing up who you really are. How do people do that in a leadership space now?
• 33:34
  I spent 13 years in corporate America, suited up, tie, like a whole deal, right? In the banking world. And I look back and it was always this part of me that just didn't feel like that was me. Like I was dressing up to be this part. And my most comfortable was like in a soccer uniform, right? T-shirt, shorts, working out. Like that was my jam. And I just had this belief, Kelly, which some people probably listen to.
• 33:57
  He's like, well, I can't wear that into my world over here. Like, people won't trust me. And like, I'm dealing with high-dollar transactions, helping people finance their homes and, you know, doing these real estate deals and all. Like, people won't trust me. Well, that was a limiting belief. Let's just be real. Like, today, you know, I heard it shared the other day, Robert Herbashivat, I think it could be mispronouncing on the Shark Tank.
• 34:18
  was talking about this the other day, he was asking about a lesson that was shared with him, and he shared this story about Mark Cuban. And he said, beware of the person in the boardroom when everybody's in a suit, and they're the one in the t-shirt. They're the one that is so comfortable in their own skin,
• 34:34
  comfortable with who they are, probably has the most amount of net worth in the room. And you look around and there's a lot of people dressing up to play a role and trying to be a part. That was me. And I was dressing up and I was showing up and I thought I had to be this certain way. And dude, I will tell you, as I started to break free from that, and I started to get some coaching around, who am I? You nailed it. Self-awareness, EQ, all these things we learn. We then start to attract people into our life.
• 35:02
  And we start to have conversations that you and I are having. I had a conversation yesterday with a 28-year-old, Kelly. Our connection point was on CrossFit. He loves CrossFit.
• 35:13
  And we're just talking, we're jamming, we're both in the same mortgage industry. And when I started to share who I was and share those things about working out, there are people that I know make fun of me, I hear about it, and they're like, oh, Brian with his shirt off, or Brian working out, thinking he's blah, blah, blah. I'm like, cool, you're not my people. You're probably never buying from me, you're never going to do anything with me, you're probably never going to add any value to my life. When I started to get real about, I am not for everybody. Yep.
• 35:38
  You mentioned this earlier, but I battled this and still will battle wanting to be liked, wanting to please people, wanting to see the best in people. Dude, when I got real about some of this and I just said, hey, there's going to be a tribe of people that really I'm going to do life with. And there's going to be seasons that they come and go. But the only thing I can control is how I show up and being myself. And imagine this, Kelly, is amazing.
• 36:01
  you show up and you're being this other person that's not all you. So you're attracting in people that are attracted to that person or want to do business with that person who isn't really you. And then you wake up one day and you're like, well, how did I get these people around me? Well, that's what led me to getting fired in that second story is I was showing up as somebody that I really, it wasn't all of me. It was parts of me. It wasn't all of me. When I got into who I am today, it
• 36:24
  The teams that we're bringing on now, just to bring it to today, is in the season, is people that are committed, their family, their faith, their fitness, and they want to be financially disciplined. When I started talking about those things and sharing my journey and my imperfections in all of those areas, but lessons I've learned because I've been around the block enough to have made enough mistakes,
• 36:46
  my life now, I look around and I'm like, I'm so blessed. My wife and I'll be married 23 years this year. Three great kids. Not perfect, guys. Not perfect at all. But when I got real about who I am, and I'll wear a soccer jersey, and people are like, dude, I love that team. You were over in Amsterdam. Where'd you get that jersey? You're like, who's your favorite team? Man, conversations in life is way better when you're you. I know you get that. Wouldn't you rather be having business conversations with people that are also committed to their health
• 37:17
  than just boring business conversations? The mental fitness of life, I believe begins with the physical mastery. Yep. So if I show up every single day,
• 37:30
  like I'm doing with my 500 workouts. And I, when I crush that, and I'm gonna get, I'm on pace for somewhere like 560. That's just not a little bit over. It's a lot over. And it's hard. You'll know that I mean business. I don't need to tell people. When I walk in a room, actually, you know, I share producers with Ed Mylett, and when I walk in a room, Ed looks at me and goes, did you get bigger?
• 37:54
  They know that you mean business and you mean what you say because just the dedication to go through. So I'm not saying everyone needs to go out and run every single day, but it's quite the opposite. If you're out of shape, you are getting judged. You are because I look at and I'm like, listen, it's not that hard. It's harder to be out of shape than it is to be in shape. It really is. What do you do with all your time?
• 38:17
  And I'm not trying to be hard. This is where you see me get into trouble because I look at people and I get abused on social media. Like, look at you with steroids. I'm like, man, I've been working out for 31 years. What most people don't realize is I built this body to protect me from my beatings from my stepfather. He was a big dude and he used to beat the crap out of me. And then when I started lifting, guess who didn't beat me up anymore? Right.
• 38:40
  Who was afraid? And then boom, it happened for me because now I get to go into rooms and people like, who's that guy? I want to meet him. So it worked out for me. And end of the day, I look at that, that that's someone that I can help.
• 38:54
  They're undercover fans. And first and foremost, if you're doing this and you're criticizing someone, that's exactly the portal. That's exactly what you need to work on in your life because it's something you want. So you're going to criticize me at 49 for having a six pack of abs. I can assure you there's no amount of steroids that I can take that's going to make me have a six pack. If there were, we'd all be having them.
• 39:17
  That pill would have been sold and made billions of dollars and the hard work. And I love you sharing that discipline because, man, Kelly, I had a conversation yesterday with one of my friends and he's in real estate. And he shared with me yesterday, he goes, man, he's telling me, Brian, he goes, I know I've not told you this, but I've watched you. And he's known me for over 10 years. And he's like, I've watched your journey.
• 39:37
  He goes, I've never told you this, but I want to share it. He goes, it's this mix of, he goes, I don't want to say jealousy and envy, but also inspiration. He goes, I don't even know what the feeling is. He goes, I don't want you to know I've lost over 80 pounds. Yeah.
• 39:49
  And he's like, I'm not where you are and I'm not comparing myself to you. But he goes, I see what you do and what you got three kids and he's got kids. And look, people don't always tell you and we're not here for that applause. But when somebody tells me that, it's almost like that reminder and God saying, hey, just keep showing up. There are people that you're serving. You will never know.
• 40:11
  the impact. And you're doing that, my friend. I always say that too. It could be a portal where people are a little bit jealous, a little bit pissed off at what you say. But I think back to my coach and my best mentors is they spoke truth to me. They didn't, tough love. And they challenged me to be a better version of me. And I love what you said on this last piece is,
• 40:33
  And it is harder. I've been out of shape several times in my life, fallen off, gotten back on. And I will agree with you. And some people might want to dispute this, but I would tell you my experience tells me different is it's harder to be out of shape. You have to make decisions every day to eat crap. You have to make decisions every day not to work out. You have to make decisions every day that sacrifice your family. Decisions every day that you settle for not being your best. And you're the first person that knows it.
• 40:57
  So I would say it's harder because when I go do a workout like I did this morning, sweating my butt off, my daughter's out there on day 53 of 75 hard, and I see, I go, there's no way she does what she's doing unless her dad sacrificed for years and shown up.
• 41:15
  And they say things are caught, not taught. And Kelly, I share that because not to brag that my daughter's doing that. That was her decision. That wasn't me. And I'm over the moon proud of her. But I always say it's like another reminder that I say God taught me a lesson and that had I not been showing up in all those years and taking care of myself and sharing my journey with her and my struggles and everything, I don't know that she makes that decision.
• 41:37
  Yeah, that's good. That caught and not taught is a tough one for me because I believe they're caught and taught. Yeah. My daughter has not picked that up yet. I overcorrected it from my abuse of childhood and I made it so cushy. But again, she's in that 16-year-old hormone phase and it's just I don't even think she knows what she's feeling. So I just love her.
• 41:59
  And she doesn't understand her crazy dad. Most don't. I want to get your opinion on the real estate mortgage business and AI because we touched on it. It's about to get very hairy. It's getting hairy. But I want to talk. We were just talking about fatherhood first. So how has fatherhood shaped your leadership style? And then we'll have the AI question. Well, everything, man. Our first two were born in 07 and 08.
• 42:25
  Anybody that understands anything changes for those people that don't know. Oh, wait, was the big stock market crash. Oh, you're in the mortgage business, two little kids. Wow.
• 42:35
  The world literally is collapsing, you know, and I'm at the bank and my job, we had moved down to Tampa and my wife and I've been trying to have kids. We weren't able to. And then we were, and then we had back to back like 18 and a half, 19 months apart. And we're down there. My wife was an ICU nurse, but having two kids and no family there, we'd made the decision that she wasn't going to work. She stayed home with the kids, take care of that. Cause I was traveling quite a bit.
• 42:59
  And Kelly, you talk about fatherhood is my job got eliminated. So I took over a new job there and not getting into all the details, but just say I was on the road every week. And my wife will remind me of that. She's like, you weren't there the first few years in many years of our first two. And I remember just doing what had to be done. Like just you just figure things out. Right. And I was able to get a job several years later, move us back to Tennessee where we had family.
• 43:26
  and lesser paying job, but I'm like, we're getting back to Tennessee. We just need to put family first. It took me years to rebuild. Well, then fast forward, we were blessed enough in 2015 to have our third. There's this gap over seven years. For anybody, that for me was God giving me another chance of like, okay,
• 43:47
  Verse two, you are in a storm. A lot of it you couldn't control. New dad, don't understand this, the stress of all of this going on. Let's see what you've learned. And I almost took it as a test. Like, what kind of dad could I be? And I've made some career decisions where some people would say, I've sacrificed upward mobility, making more income, to not be on the road to be home. And I don't regret it at all.
• 44:14
  I'll just like, like I think about it sometimes. And yes, there's that part of me is like, oh man, you could have this, or I could have that. Those are all material things. Let's be real. Like, if I'm honest with myself, those are not things that I'll look back on. Like the relationship with my kids, spending time, you know, taking my daughter to the weekend concert in Denver last weekend, and then spending time with my son going out and we'd love to snowboard together. And like, and I look and go, and that's what matters. And so fatherhood for me has been this.
• 44:39
  really beautiful lesson that continues to give and teach that I do bring in to the workplace because a lot of people, several of my leaders are under 40 and they have young kids. And so what's great is I believe there's this great saying, Ed Milet said it, Rory Vaden said it, it's kind of like, it goes like this, is you're most powerfully positioned to serve the person you once were. Mm-hmm.
• 45:04
  And Ed will say something like, you're most qualified to serve the person you used to be, that kind of version. But think about that. It's like the things that you've overcome, the things that you've done, and in fatherhood, the things I've been through with three kids –
• 45:17
  through a lot with my wife, 23 years this year. And now I believe, and I've gotten even more clear on this Kelly in this season is the leaders that I'm looking to partner with are in that almost below 35 demographic, just have young kids, probably under five years old. And I'm able to help them not only financially, I'm able to help them with their career. I'm able to help them with anything around fatherhood, their most important relationship outside of their faith with their
• 45:47
  I got tested and put through all that to be able to serve people today. And so my mission, yes, we do mortgages, and yes, we help people do all that. But my real mission is the leaders I'm going to get to serve and why I started this new division at Cross Country. I just believe that's my calling and my legacy is I'm going to serve people to where I once was 10, 15 years ago and impart wisdom and just pour into them. And so not only do they win in the business, but
• 46:12
  But these are winners in their community and in their family. And change the divorce rate, change these absentee dads, change these out of shape dads that dad bods and after 40, you know, blah, blah, blah. Like, I'm not buying it.
• 46:29
  Yeah. That's not the life you've lived. That's not the life I'm living and I'm not buying it. And I want that core group of men and women that want to go on that journey with me. And so that's, dude, that's the call. And I believe that's my purpose that God's built me for this moment. Brian, they're going to need it. They had better watch you right now because it's going to hit us like a ton of bricks. And I'm going to explain it to you more. I mean more in a minute. So you have the mental fitness and the, and the physical mastery that lays the foundation for what's about to hit your industry. Um,
• 46:58
  I believe, again, I'm in cybersecurity, IT cybersecurity. So we go on weekends and we have an innovation team where we will program something over the weekend that replaces people. Or for us, we keep ourselves small and nimble. It's not even to replace people. It's to keep from having to hire people. I'm in Detroit, so we see Quicken Loans rock financial and what they're doing, how they're buying, where your industry's going.
• 47:28
  as much people as they possibly can. You're going to be able to buy a house or find a house, buy it and get approved all within minutes. So how are you preparing you and your team? Because I believe it's the 80, 20 rule always. You're still going to need people, but it's going to be the upper 10% that are going to stay. How are you preparing your teams for what's inevitable to come? Or do you have a different spin on where the industry is going?
• 47:57
  No, I think the rate of acceleration we've never seen before. And that's the thing. I don't think most people, if I were to share like the one thing is the rate of acceleration. I like to think of this way. The first iPhone to getting to where it is, has been what, some 15, 20 years. I think we're going to see that compressed.
• 48:18
  in two to three years will feel like 15 to 20 years of what if we were to look back like it's going to be that compressed and so in two to three years i do think our industry will have majority of the tasks to your point finding a home getting pre-approved shopping for your mortgage all of that is going to be very automated you can search online you can find enough information
• 48:40
  Now, where there's a dichotomy to this that I think is going to be very interesting, and I'll kind of share tactics behind what you should do. But I think there is still going to be the human element. Because when you're dealing with money, emotion, psychology, there's still going to be a group of people that don't trust the fact that you're just going through that automation. They're buying their home. They're getting their financing. And it's only going to work as well. It's like chat GPT. The input is what drives the output.
• 49:06
  Well, the problem is most people aren't educated enough, don't have enough experience doing mortgage financing, don't know how to negotiate their own real estate transaction. They don't know how to get title insurance. Like all these things that come with this and housing, they don't know how to put the input to get the right output. So they're still gonna need some humans along the way that are guides.
• 49:22
  And so at certain points, you're going to need someone that you have a conversation with. It's going to look at everything and say, Hey, based on what you've input here, let me ask you a few questions. And this is where the best are going to separate. And I think it's actually going to be more of a 90, 10. I think it's going to be 10% of the group is going to do 90% of the production. It's happening now to be completely blunt. If you look at the numbers, 10% of the people are doing 90% of the business. That's the world.
• 49:45
  Rocket, UWM, cross country, why I'm there. You put servicing into it. You put the tech side and the vendor side to it. So all that to say, like, we can probably all agree this is happening at a faster rate. There is massive change happening because if you look at other industries and what we're seeing that's capable, we can't even fathom
• 50:03
  and you know this because you're in the space, we don't even understand what's gonna happen in a month. We can't even forecast what's gonna happen there with AI agents. You've got people making calls that if you listen to some of the scripting in the calls, they sound better than your trained salesperson. And yes, there's delays, and yes, it sounds a little awkward and robotic and all,
• 50:24
  but they actually are trained and they're outperforming, I would say 90% of the salespeople. So if you wanna be in the 10%, the first thing you gotta do is build a personal brand.
• 50:34
  I am bullish on this because I've seen this. Listen to this. Hold on. Let me interrupt. He's given you the, I have a lot of mortgage people, a lot of realtors. My girlfriend's in the real estate business. He's giving you the plan. First thing, build a brand and lady personal brand. It's not showing your boobies. It's showing your value. Yes. Yes.
• 50:54
  So one of the things we like to talk about is proof over promise. And that's an Alex Hermosey piece. Proof over promise, which means your testimonials. And how I know this works is I'm literally sitting at that lunch yesterday with a younger loan officer, four years in the business, and he pulls up his phone and he goes, man, I need to grab this call really quick. He grabs it and he goes, this person has called me for a cash out refinance from my Google page. Okay.
• 51:16
  If he doesn't have a personal brand and he's not uploaded his reviews and he's not intentional about all of his reviews going into a central repository like Google, like chat, somewhere that people can find you when they go search for a mortgage, because they will, that's where they're gonna go, your personal brand is gonna matter more than ever. So if you're not searchable and you were to do an audit today, the homework assignment I would give you is go look at yourself and ask chat.
• 51:40
  Go look at Google. Go look at top mortgage professionals, real estate professionals, wherever you are in your city, in your state. If you're not ranking in the top, you have a job to do to get into the top. So proof of a promise is getting your reviews, it's getting customers to do video testimonials, it's showing up on social and doing educational videos. Looks easier than ever. Like the only thing holding you back is you. There are scripts, you can get people to actually do videos for you. You can even do it without your face on the video.
• 52:08
  There's no excuses. In a year, I don't know your thoughts on this. The reality is it's all going to be done for you. If you can get ahead of this and build a personal brand, which I'm going to give you the second big tip after you do your proof over promise is, I need to know who the heck you are outside of doing mortgages or real estate.
• 52:26
  Because most of the people that come to me are fitness, they're into soccer and sports, they're parents, they're in my similar demographic, maybe in my similar kind of what I do in my life, like where we live.
• 52:39
  If you're not showing up in their feed for other things, you're recreational, you're fun, you're going to miss out. And the third would be people are craving experiences right now. So you need to be hosting events. You need to be jointly doing events with other people. And you need to be getting out in communities, just like Kelly and I both do. I go speak anywhere I can. I join masterminds where I can. I show up around people that are influential and potential partnerships and people I want to do business with.
• 53:09
  And that is a way for me to add value for my team. If my team wants to know the value I add for them immediately today is I will come in and speak for them. I will help them drive an audience to them. I will help them build their personal brand and I will come and do most of the things they're afraid to do that they haven't been trained on yet. And not only will I do it,
• 53:26
  I will do it with them so I can teach them how they can do it. So then they are the one building it. And so it's not about me. It's about me showing and teaching them like a great coach and guide would do. And so this is the game. And I'm so bullish on it because literally I look at the referrals I get every week are mostly because of my personal brand through relationships. And if I were to stop showing up, the days that I've thought about, ah, that post isn't going to matter, it hits. Yeah.
• 53:53
  That day that I'm like, you know, I mean, I can skip a day, right? Like when I adopted the mindset of just like working out, I don't take days off anymore. When I realized like, why am I taking a day off? Like it was just something I was told, like, you need to take a day off. You need to do, no. No.
• 54:11
  My life got better when I compete seven days a week. And yes, certain days are more intense than others. And there's variables to those. But when I started just thinking about my business that way, and so I share all that with you. So wherever you are in your journey, start showing up today.
• 54:26
  And if you need help, reach out to one of us, because what I believe is the people that use and leverage technology and build their brand are going to absolutely dominate and crush and eliminate the need for people that are transactional, order takers, and never took time to upskill for this market.
• 54:46
  That's the world we live in. Brian, you can steal that one. Formulaic people. So I walked into a meeting the other day and after we were talking, a guy interrupts me and goes, how long have you not drank for? I said, six and a half years. He said, they were like in the middle of a business meeting. And he goes, you inspired me to stop five and a half years ago.
• 55:05
  And I literally stopped the whole meeting and I looked at him and I go, how does it feel? And we went off on a tangent. So where I'm saying that for is that personal brand, you don't know who you're helping, number one, number two. It feels great. When you just shared with me, someone grabbed you and said you're inspirational. That made you feel good. But what I want to get up against is what legacy do you want to leave is where I'm getting at.
• 55:28
  Well, first of all, Nicole and I, she's my best friend. And I tell people this is what we've been through in 23 years and the things there is that legacy of being one for her, like a great husband to her. And knowing that I showed up, I competed and gave my best. And for my kids to know that their dad put them first and cared about them, loved them.
• 55:50
  but also was challenging, saw their potential and their best, pushed them and pulled them and inspired them to go pursue their dreams and their goals. And I believe if I do that at the home first, that then allows me a platform to move out into business.
• 56:08
  This belief got inverted for me years ago, Kelly. While I share this as part of my legacy is I was focused on my legacy at work and the business and the money and the success. And then I would have the leftovers for home. I believe it's got to be the other way around. Your legacy starts in your home. And I want you to imagine this.
• 56:27
  Imagine you make all the money in the world. Your company is an eight-figure, nine-figure company, whatever, you sell it, you ride off in the sunset, you got the boats, the houses, all the stuff from the outside. Just might be able to ask your kids and your spouse about your legacy and the truth. And it didn't line up.
• 56:46
  You lost. You lost. And I have learned to reframe what success is in defining my legacy. And it's the people very much like your brand. When you're not in a room, what are people saying about you? What are they saying behind your back? What are they saying when you're not in a room and your name comes up in a conversation? Your legacy is starting to build now. And what I want people to remember is Brian always walked the walk. Hmm.
• 57:13
  He showed up when things weren't always easy. He was authentic to who he was and recognized his own flaws, but he was always in pursuit of who God created him to be. And he led his family first, and he led the team with that same level of intensity, just like the athlete that I was in college. And that's me.
• 57:36
  This is so good, Brian. I've identified with everything you said this entire, we are literally separated at birth. I will say one thing. We've talked a lot about Ed Milet, my mentor. I model myself after him and he says that, you know, I'm the one in my family that broke the chains. And like I said, I overcorrected with my daughter and everything I've done was for my daughter. And it's funny, I just, before I hit record on this podcast,
• 58:04
  summer vacation and she's bored and she's not following through with anything because I've made it too cush for her. And I said, babe, you're old enough. You want to go to your mom's, go to your mom's. And she chose her mom's because her mom has no rules. God is teaching me right now is to surrender, let go, let God, and realize that I'm not in control of everything.
• 58:25
  So I'm the reverse. I always chose my daughter. And when I'm on speaking engagements, I've always been here for her. And we were very, very close. See her choose her mother because it's easy. Rips my heart out.
• 58:40
  But I got to let it go because she's got to find her way. So both ways work like we've gotten to the same place. So I say all that to say I appreciate you coming on. I'm not going to have to tell anybody to share this episode. You have left so many gems, so many things. If people just adopt one is going to help them. And you've got a new friend and a new brother in me.
• 59:02
  I want to share this because it's on my heart. Our daughter is 18 now. And so I can tell you this is just to stay on the path. Stay on the path. You never know when that breakthrough will come for them and it comes in their time.
• 59:16
  Thank you for that because she's 16 and just does not like dad right now. And it's so hard because I'm going to point out. It's so hard because everything I've done, all the brand, all of the, everything I've done was for her to have a life different than mine. And she looked at me, she said, I'm grateful for it, but I'm just going to moms where there's no rules. And I hate that. And I said, you're, you're choosing easy because you'll hear anything. I say, if you choose easy, you're probably going to get a hard life. Yeah. Yeah.
• 59:47
  I choose hard and life is easy. Yeah, just I think you're doing right. Trust and pray that the breakthrough will come. And when I saw Presley have that breakthrough and choose for herself because of her own reasons, and when that happens, it'll be a beautiful thing. We don't get to control the time. And it's just so hard for us because there's things we've made decisions and we can see it and we know. And I want that to be encouragement to you. It's like.
• 1:00:12
  I was there. And two years later, I don't know that'll be two years. I don't know when, but I can tell you this is staying the course and not giving up, which I know you won't. That's been you from day one, from 14 years old on. But again, let's ask that question again. What's next for you? We'll get out of here. This has been so good. Thank you.
• 1:00:30
  Brother, thank you, man. I have been looking forward to this, and this has exceeded my expectations. And so, true gift. And I'll tell you what's next is, you know, we're coming out of this first 90 days, moving over to cross country, and that's been beautiful. Excited about that next chapter because I believe this next 90 days will be growth. And our oldest is going off to Kentucky. She's going to college in the fall.
• 1:00:49
  It's wild. Different season. And we got our next oldest. He's going to be a junior in high school and then our youngest going into fourth grade. And so, you know, we're in a season where I feel life is changing, like moving Presley out of the house. It's going to be a different dynamic. And I'm just looking, I shouldn't say just, I'm excited about this new season, what God's going to teach us and has prepared us for. And actually even...
• 1:01:14
  some of the struggles and battles ahead, because I know it's not going to be easy to build and to bring this vision to life. And for me, it's a reminder of just being, as my coach says, aggressive patience. Aggressive patience. Aggressive patience. And it's doing the things you got to do every day.
• 1:01:32
  but recognizing Rome wasn't built in a day. True success doesn't happen overnight. All those things we know. And those 90 day sprints have been my framework and anchor of every 90 days, Brian, there's a scoreboard and your job is to compete every day and show up and do the things. You don't know when the breakthrough will be. You don't know when the results will show up on the scoreboard, but you do know every day if you gave your best or not. And that's what we do, compete every day.
• 1:01:56
  And when you don't do your best, my voice in my head is not kind, but, uh, thank you for being on today. I, this has been way awesome. And I'm especially grateful that we, that it was today. I needed to hear this. This is the best part about what we do is, is making new friends and then sharing it with everybody else in the world and making a difference. So, um, yeah.
• 1:02:20
  Until next time, guys, be harder than life and be sure to share this with your friends, especially anybody in the real estate business, realtor. This is good stuff. He touched on everything you need to know. He's going to be successful for years and years to come. Keep following him. Keep watching him. Thanks for being on the harder than life podcast.
• 1:02:36
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.