Latest / Beyond the Facade with Choose Recovery Services and Blueprint Institute / 51: What is the Full Disclosure Process?

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51: What is the Full Disclosure Process? · Beyond the Facade with Choose Recovery Services and Blueprint Institute

0:00
Hey guys, so we have a little bit different kind of podcast
0:03
today. I met with the guy not very long
0:05
ago not to disclose any information about him, but he
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said he had an overwhelming sense of peace after I gave him
0:14
information on what did a Full disclosure look like in a way
0:18
that he'd never seen it before. So his partner requested a Full
0:22
disclosure. He said, I want to do 1, but I'm
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scared to death. And I walked him through.
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I really slowed down every little step of the Full
0:32
disclosure process. And he said, you know what,
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Luke? Nobody's ever done that maybe
0:35
before. It helped me envision at a very
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deep level exactly what it would look like.
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And even though on Amy and Alana's podcast, if you haven't
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heard of it before, please check it out.
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Even though we've done like a six or seven series session on
0:51
full disclosures, we never did like a step by step what happens
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in every little phase. So I'm going to do a quick fly
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through and I'm really hoping that there's some value from you
1:01
inside of this. For those of you, maybe you've
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already done one, maybe you're thinking about one, maybe never
1:07
heard of one, just knowing what it looks like.
1:13
Welcome to Beyond the Facade podcast.
1:15
I'm your host, Luke Gordon, and I'm thrilled to have you join me
1:18
in the space today. What we're going to be doing is
1:19
diving deep into the trials and triumphs and truths of seeking
1:23
authenticity. Becoming your true self isn't
1:26
about a single action or a moment.
1:28
It's a relentless pursuit, a commitment to self that reveals
1:31
a rich connection and meaning that our life has to offer.
1:34
So whether this is your first time tuning in or you're a
1:37
regular listener and know this, what you're building here goes
1:40
beyond a conversation. You're here to challenge, to
1:43
change, and to celebrate the incredible journey of becoming
1:46
your authentic self. Because when you dare to show up
1:48
fully, the rewards are immeasurable.
1:51
So welcome to Beyond the Facade. Let's get started.
1:55
I'm going to give you the whole entire process for what a Full
1:58
disclosure is. And the reason I'm doing this is
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because for the person that did the high and the lighting and
2:07
the secrecy to be able to not have any surprises and going
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what's going to happen next, it breaks a deep sense of relief.
2:15
And I've often been surprised by once we get into how it goes
2:19
down, them going like, oh, wait, really?
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I didn't know that's what it was like.
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I thought it was expecting something different.
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So I'm going to stop doing the assuming and what you know or
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you don't know, I'm just going to give it to you.
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And then for the betrayed partners that are listening, I
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just want to, I don't know, hold some space for if you want this,
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if you haven't got it, if you did get it and it was missing a
2:41
part, just allowing some space for going truth.
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That is what we need to move forward in the relationship.
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We can't move on the later phase of healing.
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OK, so I'm going to walk you through the entire truth
2:51
recovery services step by step. OK, so they come in stages of
2:55
preparation for a Full disclosure.
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So I'm going to, I'm going to read off to you the stages.
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So the first stage is initial inquiry and scheduling.
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So somebody comes to us, says I don't know, I'm thinking about
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it or I want to know more about it.
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We have the next phase, which is self-care and recovery plan
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phase, which is the person set up and ready to do a Full
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disclosure. And we'll go into each one of
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these. We have the creation of the
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document, the Full disclosure document, the history.
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We have a phase that's called partners questions, which is
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what does your partner want to know?
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So we make sure we don't miss anything.
3:30
We have the scheduling of the Full disclosure because that
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doesn't happen until later. Then we have the addiction
3:36
additional sections phase, which is there's other things that go
3:39
into Full disclosure besides just the history and answering
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the partners questions. There are additional things that
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are given. There's the review and
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finalization which is TS being crossed and I is being dotted.
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Then there's a phase called the pre disclosure preparation phase
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which is every. It's preparing both people to
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say or hear the Full disclosure, just all that prep work, like
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it's right before the Full disclosure.
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Then there is the 2 days of the Full disclosure itself that are
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in person, the polygraph and the Full disclosure itself.
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That's a phase. And then you have the last
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phase, which is post disclosure, the support phase for what
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happens next. What's over?
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OK, so that's what we're going to go through today.
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All right, So initial inquiry and scheduling, there's a few
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things in here. Somebody says, hey, let's learn
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more about this. So you have an an console that's
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scheduled that's free, always going to get charged for that
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and where we goes. Let's just explain what the Full
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disclosure process is. Let's just talk about what it
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is. Let's talk about whether it
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should even be explored and whether you're ready for it or
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not. Then what we do is we schedule a
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readiness assessment, which is kind of like an intake or you
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sit down where the person, that individual seeking recovery, the
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betrayer is assigned to a person.
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We set up an hour aside to just dig in and check in for
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readiness. OK.
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And then we do that for both, both the partner in healing and
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the individual seeking recovery. So those are the two intakes
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that take place. Once that happens, then we go,
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we assess whether there's ready for disclosure.
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You'll find that like when am I ready?
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When am I not ready in that eight session series or seven
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session series that we did earlier.
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So I won't get into that right now.
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Then what we'll do is we'll complete the intakes that are
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needed, just basic intakes from general assessments.
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We do a clients. Then those intakes will be done.
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Collect a deposit from the individual seeking recovery to
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engage in the process. Then you'll be granted access to
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a portal and inside the portal is where all the content is
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housed. Work yourself through Full
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disclosure, I do want to say that a lot of this is
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self-paced. So each individual, depending on
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their ability, their readiness is going to be able to move at
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the speed that they, but with the speed that they, I want to
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say want to, but I feel like that's the wrong word.
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But anyway, now we move into the second phase.
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The second phase is self-care and recovery plan phase.
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This is where we verify that there's an active recovery plan
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because it's kind of like Full disclosure, it's kind of like if
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you have to go get it, I wouldn't say chemotherapy, but
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some, maybe some version of that can be intense.
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So we want to make sure your, your recovery plan is in place
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because it's going to get harder and we don't want slips or
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relapses happening. So we'll verify that we'll
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create a self-care plan with the partner in healing.
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So the betrayed partner, make sure that's in place because
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remember, we have two professionals are working with
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each person individually. So that's that second phase,
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that self-care and recovery plant phase.
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Then we move on to that third phase, which is the creation of
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the document phase. A lot of heavy lifting.
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This is what everybody kind of imagines, but let's slow this
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part down. So the first thing is there's a
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from the partner in healing and their professional betrayed
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partner. There's a needs and requests
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assessment that's done. So it's OK.
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What do I want in my Full disclosure or what do I need in
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my Full disclosure? Do I want this information?
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Do I want that it's not questioned so much as it is.
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Do I want an entire history or do I want do I want history from
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the time my partner and I met for the first time?
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Or I do want an entire history, but this is what I want in my
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history, the stuff that I want to know.
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So there's a really deep understanding of what that
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betrayed partner needs. And then there's their
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professional reaching out to the other professionals saying, OK,
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this is what is needed. Then both people create a
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timeline, OK? Not just the individual seeking
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recovery. And let me stop there.
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When I say individual seeking recovery, I'm talking about the
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person that did the betraying. When I say partner and healing,
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I'm talking about the partner who was betrayed.
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OK, so there's a personal life timeline that is done by both
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people. And what happens is you go not
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acting out events. But there's other things like
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when we first met, when we got engaged, when we brought married
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or when we bought our first house, when we had our first
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child, when we had these milestones that happen in life
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and they're placed every two to three years.
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And that's what behavior is plotted into.
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It's this timeline, but both people, both of these people,
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that individual seeking recovery, the partner in healing
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align on a, we get that timeline so both people can understand
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it. Then what happens is there's a
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sexual history interview done by the individual seeking recovery
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or for the individual seeking recovery, which is like a lot of
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questions, so many questions on sexual history to so many, and
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those questions you've gone through to go through the
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crevices of their brain to find out types of acting out
8:56
behavior. This actually is interesting
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because it sounds really intense.
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It sounds like probably maybe the scariest part, but it's
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actually the most rewarding parts and probably the most
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calming part is to be able to be interviewed and recognizing
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you're not doing this on your own, trying to remember
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everything. Do you have somebody there
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that's walking you through the process of getting things out of
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your brain? OK, Then what's introduced to
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that person? A tool, an electronic tool is
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the ability to be able to take that information and plot it
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into an electronic tool that is going to help consolidate that
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information and put it in a format that is not too much or
9:37
too little, that will put it in a readable format that can be
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delivered during that Full disclosure.
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So all this history, this whole entire timeline of life of
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frequency, duration, timing, timetables, The Who, the level
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of protection, the all that stuff, the way the lying and the
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hiding was happened. This technology in form helped
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build out that in a readable format so it can be delivered,
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but we're not done. Then the next phase is the
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partners questions. So in the meantime, as this
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interview is happening in the building and information, the
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partner in healing professional is going to be going back and
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forth in the in session and really seeking to understand
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what questions do you have? What do you need to make sure it
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gets answered? What are the unanswered things?
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And there'll be a list of questions that are build out and
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that will be verified and worked through.
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And then those questions will be passed along to the
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professional. It's working with individuals
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seeking recovery and they will be built into that timeline,
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whether it's in the timeline itself or at the bottom of the
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timeline. So it doesn't fit a
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chronological format. OK.
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Then the questions will also be submitted to the polygrapher at
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the same time. So those questions and then also
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the timeline is submitted the polygrapher too.
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Polygrapher, excuse me. OK, so then what happens at that
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point? Now we can schedule a Full
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disclosure, All right. So you have the scheduling of
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the Full disclosure because now we have most of it build out, a
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lot of it build out. So now we can actually plan
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travel, make travel plans around the whole experience.
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The scheduling of Full disclosure is we tell everybody
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like OK, here's the timelines here, the schedules and we work
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through that together. Then what we have is we have the
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additional sections phase of Full disclosure process, which
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is even though a timelines bill, even those partners questions
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have been answered. Then we have these other pieces
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that need to be a part of the Full disclosure statement, which
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is types of abuse, emotional, sexual, all these different
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types of abuse that are understood by the individual
11:47
seeking recovery and accounted for.
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There's a financial disclosure section.
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There's also a piece of this, which is a recovery plan put
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into place. So after this entire history and
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now that I've gone through it, I can see the patterns and now I
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need to revised recovery plan or a new recovery plan to create
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safety for myself and for my partner.
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Then there is a restitution of letter that's completed letter
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of restitution, which is how I see this is affected by partner
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and that's put in there. Now what we have is we have the
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information that is going to be presented in the Full
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disclosure, completed enough to send to the partner in healing
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professional and they go through it and they make sure that what
12:34
the partner needs is going to be covered.
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And this is actually a really, really extremely important part
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of the process because they go through it and they really
12:42
advocate for the partner and going, hey, what about this,
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What about that? And it's not an opportunity for
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to be critical of, hey, if you would tell me more or you didn't
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do this, right? It's more of making sure that
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the partner who's been betrayed gets what they need.
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So it's really, really reviewed and then it's finalized.
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And then we move into pre disclosure preparation phase,
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which is we conduct a pre disclosure preparation session,
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which is with the individual seeking recovery.
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It's the, OK, let's do some role-playing.
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This is how you're going to go about reading the document.
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This is how you'll maintain presence.
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This is how we going to go about grounding.
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What if you do become ungrounded?
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What happens then? What's your the week prior?
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What's your self-care going to look like?
13:24
Who's your who the people you staying connected with?
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What happens after the Full disclosure?
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So a lot of pre disclosure preparation, a lot of preparing
13:31
for the polygraph exam itself, making sure that person is ready
13:35
for that, but they've done the work they need.
13:38
So that's that phase. Now we enter into the phase
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which is the polygraph and the disclosure itself.
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So those are this two days here in Utah, the day prior to the
13:47
Full disclosure, you have the polygraph itself and that is
13:52
done by Jared Rockwood in Orem, UT.
13:56
And it's going to take somewhere between 2:00 to 4:00 hours and
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he will have already had the history, a lot of the Full
14:01
disclosure statement and he will go through it.
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And that polygraph exam will be done off of that Full disclosure
14:07
and also the partners questions. And then the day after, the next
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day we will have the Full disclosure itself, which will be
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a four to six hour experience of the those documents that were
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prepared that we've gone through.
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Now we have this really beautiful sacred experience
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where this person is ready to show up and give truth and
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they're prepared to give it and they're grounded.
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I'm not saying they won't become dysregulated, but they're ready
14:39
for dialogue to happen so that partners brain can defragment
14:43
from what's real and what's not. So there can be a really at the
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end of that, a raw experience of there's reality.
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And that leaves me with this, which is what do I do with that?
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What things are unresolved? And it's not like this believes
15:02
a place of OK, now everything's better, but it's different than
15:05
before. There's an opportunity for the
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all the questions to get asked and I'm not saying there's not
15:10
follow up questions. And then we move it into the
15:13
next phase, which is post disclosure phase.
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So there's that. At that point in time, there's a
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plan that is executed on what happens after a Full disclosure,
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which is set up by the partner in healing to say this is what I
15:28
need. Some of that is already planned,
15:30
some of that might be spontaneous based upon what's
15:33
given and then we'll execute on that plan.
15:35
Usually there's a no contact for a period of time.
15:38
That's not to punish somebody, that's not what it is.
15:41
That's just to make sure that there is groundedness in the
15:44
recovery plan. And then we follow through with
15:48
the post disclosure phase by individual sessions.
15:52
And then within two weeks, the preparing in the reading of an
15:57
impact letter by the partner that's been betrayed where we
16:00
come back together. And this is usually done
16:03
virtually unless people live close enough virtually where the
16:07
partner reads the impact that this Full disclosure had on
16:10
them. And there's that preparation
16:12
phase in that after that of preparing that.
16:16
So those are the steps. I feel like at the end there
16:21
could have been more explanation.
16:22
But that guy that I met with today said I haven't had that
16:26
before. I haven't had somebody kind of
16:27
like walk me through that one little piece after another.
16:31
And he felt empowered by it. And I recognized like so much of
16:36
my fear from giving truth came from the unknown.
16:38
What's going to happen next? What will it be?
16:41
And if I could see a little bit, and not even necessarily from a
16:45
control standpoint, how can I control it?
16:47
But what am I missing? And usually what I pictured
16:50
happening wasn't what happened. So wanted to slow that down for
16:55
you and then just notice and notice what's coming up for you
16:59
during listen to this podcast. If truth is ultimately the
17:05
foundational piece of truth is we'll ask what is given so other
17:10
things can be built upon it. Where do you sit with truth?
17:14
Does it scare you? Have you made peace with it?
17:17
Are you still trying to control an outcome?
17:20
Is it just too scary to look at? Are you super proud of yourself
17:23
from what's been done? There's a mix between the two.
17:26
My encouragement is this, don't do it alone.
17:28
You'll notice this process involved.
17:31
I don't know if I highlighted the fifth person that's
17:33
involved. I talked a lot about the four or
17:35
the 5th person is our lead therapist and usually Alana CSAT
17:41
candidate. Appsats trained our partnered
17:45
our process about being partner sensitive and takes it takes an
17:50
environment with quite a few people to get the healing that's
17:54
needed. And just want to say that you're
17:57
doing that right now, even by listening to this podcast, even
18:01
by sitting with the and letting it work inside of you on what
18:04
truth is. And if it just reaffirms to you
18:07
like that you're on the right track because you've done one or
18:11
whatever, it might be great. If it pulls something inside
18:14
either goes, I think there's this piece that might be
18:18
missing. Then let it work in you and
18:19
don't do it alone. Reach out to us so we can be a
18:22
part of that journey or anybody. It doesn't have to be us, but
18:25
don't do it along. OK, good.
18:28
Spend time with you. I'm very excited to tell you
18:31
about the unmasked intensive we have coming up in May.
18:34
It's May 13th through the 16th in Spanish Fork, UT.
18:38
The name of the intensive is Unmasked Pass to authentic
18:42
masculinity. Let me tell you some of the
18:44
things we're going to accomplish.
18:45
We're going to explore some root causes like at the end of the
18:48
day, what's underneath this behavior?
18:50
What's the why behind it? What's the insights into
18:53
understanding why my behavior existed, the one that kept me in
18:56
secrecy and hiding. We're going to embrace
18:59
vulnerability so we're confront a lot of the struggles of that
19:03
non judgmental space so you can foster more authentic
19:07
connections with the people that you love.
19:09
We're going to realign with your values.
19:11
We're going to learn new coping strategies and we're going to
19:14
afford some authentic connection.
19:16
We're going to build a lot of camaraderie to hear that
19:18
happens. I wanted to share with you what
19:21
previous participants have said about this transformation.
19:24
So here's what one guy said. I'm just going to read it to
19:26
you. I love the connection with those
19:29
around me. It was eye opening to learn how
19:31
to open up and show love for myself and be OK with what's
19:35
going on inside of me, no matter how hard or ugly I may see it.
19:41
I specifically remember this man saying this and being astounded
19:45
by like wow from around people that really open up.
19:47
What can I explore and learn about myself is intensive.
19:50
He found it'd be really eye opening.
19:52
So anyway, For more information and reserve your spot, go ahead
19:56
and visit our website and we'll provide some information for you
19:59
and then take the time to invest in yourself so you can start to
20:04
lean in in a more authentic way in your life.
20:07
Looking forward to seeing you there.
20:09
I'd love to share with you what's upcoming, and we have
20:12
something really unique coming up in June.
20:15
So for those of you who are in a healing profession, who is
20:20
helping take care of other people, therapists, coaches
20:24
especially. But even if you're a nurse
20:28
working in the medical field, if you spend your time catering to
20:31
everyone else and holding their pain and helping them through
20:35
their heart, we have an intensive just for you.
20:38
This is called Heal the Healer and of Oh well, I love all my
20:43
intensives, but this one holds such a special place in my heart
20:47
because in Heal the Healer, it's where the healer gets to come
20:51
and for a moment, set everything down and let you be taken care
20:56
of. And this isn't where you're
20:58
going to come do a ton of workshops and lots of learning
21:00
and have to stretch your brain. It's just where you get to come
21:04
relax, you get to kick your feet up and have other professionals
21:09
there ready to take care of you and cater to you.
21:13
We have a gorgeous lodge, house, resort property that's all ours,
21:19
that has holes and saunas and ponds and paths and trails, and
21:25
it's tucked in the Wasatch Mountains.
21:27
We have a gorgeous place to stay.
21:29
All of your meals are included, activities are included.
21:33
They'll be time for fun if you want to participate in that, and
21:36
also time for downtime and rest. And best of all, you get that
21:40
connection with other strong women who are holding it all
21:44
together for somebody else and who are ready to be taken care
21:47
of. So invest in you, take care of
21:51
you. We would love to have you there.
21:53
I would love to hang out with you and come with us in June to
21:57
heal the healer. Hey, thanks for joining us
22:02
today. If this is something that you
22:03
connected with, I'd love to meet with you more and talk about it.
22:07
So what you can do is go to chooserecoveryservices.com or
22:10
check the show notes and there what we can do is set up a quick
22:13
conversation. Thanks so much for listening to
22:16
Beyond the Facade where we unmask the authentic self.