Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Wholehearted Summer: Making the Most of Summer Vacations with Your Family with Janay Lanier, Sarah Cronin & Deanna Sudom

Transcript

Wholehearted Summer: Making the Most of Summer Vacations with Your Family with Janay Lanier, Sarah Cronin & Deanna Sudom · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, hey there, my fellow traveler.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't it so great that we get to travel as we please this year?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: Well, at least as far as the budget will allow, right?
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: I know at least for me, vacations and the freedom to travel has grown in value, especially since 2020.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: Now, whether you have tiny tats or teenagers, family vacations can be more than just a break from the ordinary.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: They really can be an essential ingredient in the recipe for family bonding and creating lasting connections.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: So today I'm going to explore with some of my collective friends how when you step away from the routine and immerse yourselves in the adventures of shared experience, that it will return an exponential blessing and benefit.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Now, on the flip side of these wonderful family vacations, let's be honest, planning and executing a family trip as a busy mom can be a challenge worthy of its own roller coaster ride.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: From juggling schedules to finding the perfect destination, we have all faced those moments of frustration overwhelm.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: But fear not, dear friend.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: My friends here from the collective are here to guide you through it all, even if you're inviting your adult children to vacation with you.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Today's conversation is not only with fellow moms, but also with wholehearted coaches who will help identify and normalize some of your unique struggles that you may have experienced on family vacations.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because as you may have learned by now, a family vacation isn't really vacation, right?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, it might be harder work than your normal day-to-day because of those long car rides, terrible sleeping arrangements, too much sun, and not enough naps.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: But a family trip can ultimately be incredibly rewarding as the memories and the pictures are recounted and treasured for years to come.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: Also, I hope you listen all the way to the end because I am going to share a little bit more about tackling the art of finding that quiet place for yourself, because soul care is crucial, even in the midst of family vacations.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: Should I say, especially in the midst of family vacations.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Today you're going to learn how to carve out more moments of tranquility and creating space for you to recharge, rejuvenate, and rediscover your own sense of adventure.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: So grab your travel journal, dust off that bucket list, and prepare to embark on a journey that will ignite your wanderlust and warm your heart.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: And together with Sarah, Chinae, and Deanna, we're going to explore the joys, the challenges, and the incredible rewards of taking family vacations, no matter the age of your kids.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: And then also today we have a special guest.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: We have another wholehearted collective coach with us, Deanna.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: You want to say hey, Deanna?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Hey.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, we are merging the accents again.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: Now we have North Carolina with Janae and Canada from Deanna.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: Deanna is bringing a unique perspective to the conversation today as we talk about vacations.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_02: Because Deanna has adult children and she has grandkids.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: And so she can bring a really special, fresh perspective to what it's like to travel with that family dynamic versus where Janae and I might be coming from.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: So as we dive in today to talk about vacations and traveling with family, we want to first start with the main point that it's actually not a vacation, right?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_02: It's a trip.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe you've heard that before that when you're traveling with your family and especially with kids, it's not a vacation because we think of vacation as being total relaxation, no responsibilities.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_02: But we all know that when we're traveling, our kids have the same needs on vacation or in a different city than they do at home.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: They still need nap time, they still need bottles, they still, you know, need a lot of rest.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_02: You're just in a different city.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: And so when we look at what it's like to travel as a family, let's focus on it being a trip.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_02: And a trip creates new experiences for us all together as a family.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so we're gonna dive into a lot of different um perspectives on how we should decide to take, where should we go, what should we do on this trip.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_02: But also we want to recognize there might be certain Enagram types where going on a trip is natural and easy and exciting and let's go.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um and there also might be other types where it's difficult to break out of that routine, um, that normalcy.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know, um the types that like routine and hold fast to that a little bit more might be the types one, five, six, and nine.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but types that are excited for that new adventure and family time and memories could be types two, three, four, seven, and eight.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and maybe you fall into that and maybe you don't, um, but we're excited to talk more about what it looks like to travel as a family together.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: We also wanted to talk about how we can choose a destination that suits our family's needs and interests.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: So have you thought that through?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Is there separate space that's important for anyone?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have a little baby that will need to be separate for nap time?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you have time that you want to withdraw away from others and recharge?
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: What does that look like?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: That is the first important part that you're gonna talk about and think about when you're trying to choose a destination.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: What are the ages of your kids?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of activities do they need?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what kind of traveling?
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Are you going on a plane?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Are you going in a car?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Are you going in a train?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: All the different um modes of transportation we have to think about.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what is the location that you're going to end up in?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: And what are the kids' needs?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: The nap times, the early bed times, the nursing, all of those things.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have to stop and take lots of breaks on the road so that they don't want to jump all over each other in the car or whatever it is?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what time of year?
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: I think lots of times we just naturally go to summer because kids are out of school.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: But even when they're little, when they're not in school yet, do you can you do it at a different time of year?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: So it's even not as busy in summer?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: What does that look like?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And what activities are feasible for your family?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: What activities will work for everybody or will work um partially?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Will some people do an activity at some times and will they do it at others?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: So what's enjoyable for your family?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Do you like to hike?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Do you like to go to the pool?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do you like to go to an amusement park?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's different.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, is that going to be included?
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's a whole different dynamic.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: If you're talking about going to the beach or to Disneyland, think about your finances.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's another aspect that we have to really think about, I guess, before we even decide to go on vacation.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Is there money there to do it?
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_02: These factors can be so huge in determining how to even start thinking about a trip together as a family.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: You know, even just ages of kids, it is vastly different planning for two or three kids that need to take a nap in the afternoon or else all will be crazy, that you need to find space to be able to nurse, um, and that you could go anytime during the year.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_02: Versus when all of your kids are past nap times, they're out of diapers, and they're all in school.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_02: Now there's more freedom in what you can do and where you can go, but you're more limited by that school calendar, right?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: And so I was just talking to a friend where um none of if she has three kids and they're all, you know, less than kindergarten, younger than kindergarten.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_02: And so they've planned trips just whenever they want uh throughout the year.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, once you enter into that school calendar, you're more limited by, okay, we're going on spring break when everyone else is going on spring break during that calendar.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_02: But that the ages of kids and that season of life really is, I mean, that's the first factor to think through of what's actually going to be enjoyable for the, you know, the ages of kids that we have.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_03: We live in a world today where there are so many places to go, obviously, and it can kind of be overwhelming to decide.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_03: Like I don't know if anybody else listening can relate to that, but there's so many different places to go.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, Deanna was talking about the ages of kids, and and you have that aspect to put in there.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_03: And so there's this new thing that I think is really cool, and it's called Chat GPT.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_03: And I thought it was worth sharing with you guys as we were, as we're having this conversation, because you can go into it.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_03: And so it's an app that you can download on your phone, or you can go to the Chat GPT website.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_03: And so you can type in there.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_03: I have, I'm a family of five.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_03: We have three kids.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_03: You can put in the ages of your children and the season that you're going on vacation, and maybe the restrictions.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: So maybe if you have a disabled child, or you know, you have certain restrictions that you need to um think about, you can tell that to ChatGPT and ask it to give me the perfect um vacations surrounding your needs, and it'll immediately come up with tons of different ideas.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_03: And so we could really benefit from utilizing.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_03: I can already tell you that I have used it a few times.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and I'm not even, it's not even vacation time for us right now, but I am a seven, so I'm gonna think about, you know, I'm gonna go ahead and prepare myself, obviously, for the vacation in five months from now.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_03: A few other uh things to think about as far as um finding the right vacation is of course just talking to your friends.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_03: Like we that your friends can give you great ideas um as far as where they've been before.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_03: And then um another idea is to go on like TikTok or Instagram.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_03: I really love um going on TikTok because you can find a lot of videos and I enjoy learning through video, but there are accounts out there that people have made for the exact city that you've gone to.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_03: So once you get on Chat GPT and you decide where where your destination is, then I suggest getting on TikTok and Googling that exact city you're going to.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_03: And I promise you, there is an account made that for that city that will give you tons of even more detailed ideas of what to do there.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_03: And then lastly, I think it's worth uh mentioning for those of you guys that still have Facebook.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_03: I still have Facebook.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but if you just asked Facebook, hey, this is where I'm going, any ideas?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_03: People love sharing.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_03: I've been here, I've been there, and um, this is what worked for us.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_03: And this is they also on Facebook really love sharing what didn't work for them.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_03: It's like a Facebook thing, but um I hate that it just is.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_03: But that's also really important information too.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_03: So um that's the last thing that I'll say about um tips on you know finding the right uh destination um and the right type of activities for your family to do.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_03: Um yeah.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: I love that, Janae.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_02: You Janae is so good when it comes to all things social media, all things, you know, using the technology aspect.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_02: And so um if you haven't, if you haven't visited Janae's TikTok, please do so.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_02: You will be blessed by her video.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: I love that you said that you learn through video.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because that's a lot of people are like that, you know, that learn through that visual engagement.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_02: So I love that, Janae.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_02: And um, I know like there are a number of mom's Facebook groups, you know, in my area.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: And so people will will be like, going to, you know, want to go to Florida with, you know, these ages of kids.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: What activities do you suggest in a car?
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, where should we go and all those things?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: And so if you can even narrow Facebook down to a specific mom's group, that would be helpful as well.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_02: But when we look at this, you know, big decision of choosing a destination, we want to take into consideration um opportunities for relaxation while we're there, opportunities for adventure as a family, opportunities um to bond together as a family.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: And so one of the key components in that is we want to already like pre-vacation, we want to think through how are we going to manage our stress level while we are there, right?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: So since this is a trip and not a vacation, there will be stressors that come up.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: We cannot stop the toddlers from having fits or, you know, from um our plans changing or falling through.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so we want this trip to be one that is fulfilling, that is satisfying.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: And so there are little aspects to think through, like sleeping arrangement.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_02: You know, as Deanna mentioned earlier, uh, what do your kids need to be able to sleep and to rest well?
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: That's gonna be crucial for for all of the stress level to be managed well.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_02: And also when you are at your activities, are there places for shade?
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_02: Are there places for rest?
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_02: If you're at the beach, do you have some type of tent or umbrella or something that you know you're you're pre-playing?
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, kids are running to me, you know, sun-kissed and stressed and all of the things, what where is the place and and what are the the uh solutions I'm gonna have to offer them?
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_02: Because ultimately we're wanting to make good memories here.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_02: And what is what good is a memory if it's all encompassed by stress?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, we know that we're not gonna be able to eliminate the stress altogether, but we can pre-think through what are some ways that we can manage that stress level to be able to have the most fulfilling trip we can.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_03: That's such a good point, Sarah.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_03: It really is worth like going the extra mile to find out like what is gonna be be most satisfying for your family.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_03: Cause I've been in the boat where I'm sure everybody listening has been before, where we're we're just like, we can wing it.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_03: Like we can, you know, it doesn't sound like a great idea to take kids here, but we can we can wing it.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_03: And then it's not a vacation and it's not even, you know, even though I do, you know, we're we're talking about how we have kids, it ends up being just when you get home, you need a whole nother vacation from the vacation type thing.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_03: And so I'm so glad we are having this conversation because there are ways to do it that will actually leave you when you're leaving that.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and you're when you're leaving that vacation and coming back home, you actually do feel refreshed, even with kids.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and so I also wanted to go ahead, Sarah.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I was gonna say next week we're actually going to a water park that's here in local, and um, we're going with a grandparent as well.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, I'll pay extra for the cabana.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: I want to have the cabana space.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: And it was like crazy expensive.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, you know, to my husband, I was like, we don't need the cabana, we'll be fine.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_02: And then, you know, we we now can look at the weather forecast for next week and it's gonna be like 90 degrees.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm thinking about the kids all day long, and I'm like, you know what?
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_02: Very thankful that we have that cabana.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's a simple, like, you know, we're planning already for that restful space in the middle of the activity in the day to keep it enjoyable.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_03: I love a cabana.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_03: Like, we love water parts.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_03: When I was younger, I would walk past people with cabanas and there's like TVs in them and fridges, and I'm like, who needs all that?
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_03: And now that I am 30 with small kids, I'm like, I need all that.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's I need that.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_03: That's me.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_03: Honestly, you can take you can have a full day at the water park whenever you get can give your kids a break in the shade like that.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_03: And and you as an adult will last the whole day too.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_03: And so I no longer pick on the people that have the cabanas.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_03: I think, wow, you know what you're doing and you know how to vacation.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_03: Well.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_03: Um And so something else, a benefit of um choosing the right destination um where your family is gonna get so much from it, is I feel like you're displaying and teaching um to your children how to have adventure and fun while also taking care of yourself and each other.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_03: And it shows um it's just teaching your children.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_03: It's like a perfect opportunity to show why self-care is important and um the benefits of it and how to do it in a functional, non-dysfunctional way, right?
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_03: Like I think you get a sense of pride after your vacation when it, when it does um, you know, you're you you you were able to to think it through and provide um good resources and just a really fun time to where, you know, you you gave yourself the breaks and you allowed for um the times of uh relaxation versus going, going, going the whole time.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_03: You just you teach your kids the importance of balance.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think that that's a really important, fun part of it as well.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I always thought of a cabana as the rich and famous.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: So now I think I need to check this out.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's on the movies in the cabana, right?
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: That was a good point, though, about making it functional.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: And one thing that we've learned as um older generation, taking adult children, taking um our grandchildren is to make room for real life because you're going with adult children who have their own needs, they have their own um necessary times for space and um what that looks like.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then they have kids on top.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I think too, looking back on one of our vacations, I think we didn't leave the space for oh, the kids are babies.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, we took three babies that were, I think, three, two, one, maybe around those ages, on top of that, and just didn't make room for the real life things where they needed to have now, where they needed to have downtime, where the parents did as well.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so instead of like, I think we just expect on our vacation sometimes, like we do in real life, just like, come on, you guys, we're having fun.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is fun, let's go.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: And um, not everybody's necessarily in the fun space.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: So um just leaving room for that instead of um sometimes we just miss their hearts then and they're disappointed.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: We leave disappointed or we get frustrated with each other, and and that's just real life.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that happens on vacation, even though we we put this in quotations, right?
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: We're going on vacation, it's gonna be different.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: And you still are in family, you're still together, and you still just have to make room for those kind of things.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: So so that's one thing that we learned.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: And we just went, we actually went thinking this was gonna be cost efficient, we're gonna rent a great big cabin, and everyone's gonna stay in this cabin.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: We're all gonna have fun together.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: And really, I think the best thing, I mean, we had lots of great times.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: There was great memories made there, but I think it would be important to have our families have their own separate space.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: I have three adult children, and two of them have have kids right now.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so just being able, when I think back, I think if we all were able to go and just shut the door and um have our own separate space of a time away from everybody else.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: I think that would be great.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just I just want to stop really quick just to say, can I get an amen on that?
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_03: That just it's such a good idea.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh, my own space.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's just hearing you say I can close the door.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like it makes it when I open that door, I'm a better, I'm a better person.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_03: I'm coming back to the family ready to vacation with the family.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I think too, I well, and when we did it, my husband and I stayed in like an attic place that had no doors and it was open to everything.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: So we heard all the things and we heard all the babies crying, and and there was a baby that was unsettled.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: And and you know, you go away to different place, and we know how we are.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: We can't sleep properly half of the time, right?
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's a new bed, it's a new space.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so just think about that.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think kids are far more adaptable and we can wear them out maybe better, but um it's just a whole other thing.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: And even with expectations, I think um I'm I'm a big believer about how expectations kill the vibe.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so we could have expectations for even talking through.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's such a great idea to have a conversation before you even go on vacation.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like who's going to be making meals, who's going to be providing the meals, who's going to be providing the child care?
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we went on our vacation, not everybody wanted to do the same activities.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: So are we are we designating who's going to do that?
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: Let's take turns and and make it a fair time away too.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: So um how would you like to do that?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: And what do you want it, what does it look like for it to be relaxing for you?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: I mean for me it was it was my joy to have the grandchildren there and be able to have fun with them and and be the one at that time that said yeah I'll stay behind with them.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: You guys go um do whatever you want to on the lake that I probably wouldn't do anyway.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: So when they're in the Whitewater Rapids, I'm like, no, that's okay.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'll stay with the grandchildren.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not always necessarily the case that we don't want to just expect that someone's going to look after the children or or do that type of thing.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: So that's kind of also another thing we did we we tried to shove in two two vehicles.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think we took two vehicles which also would have been a great space for all the families to just go separately and end up at the same place.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that's probably worth it even in this day and age when gas is so expensive.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_03: So um yeah can I just say Deanna that I really love that you're talking about having a conversation and I think that uh that can help going into the vacation like planning the vacation so much those expectations like just being able to sit down with the family as a whole especially if you're going with you know in-laws or your parents just if it's going to be a large party and just really hearing everybody's hey what would make this a good vacation for you?
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_03: What would make this a good vacation for you?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_03: And because sometimes we do go thinking that we know and we actually have really missed the mark like oh so and so actually would like a lot more downtime than I have planned this vacation to be.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_03: So um let's let's give her the freedom once we're on vacation to stay back if she needs to with no disappointment or no you know this is what she needs and it's her vacation too.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_03: So I love the thought of having a conversation before vacation and just I feel like that it it make it it creates a space where offense would would probably be able to come in you know what I mean?
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_03: It's like I'm offended that this person isn't participating or doing this.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_03: Needs this and this is why she needs this and so um yeah I think that's just a great a great idea.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah that's why bringing in the lens of personality does have such a big component here because it is each person's vacation when we just assume that grandma's going to watch the kids it's her vacation too and you know what is what is relaxing and vacation to her.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_02: There might be the dad that just like loves to be with the kids all the time.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_02: You know they're the ones that are they're out in the ocean with the kids or out in the pool with the kids and that is exciting and you know vacation to them versus other people need that space alone in their room you know for it to be a vacation.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_02: And so taking into consideration how each of us are wired is um so so so important in this.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I even think that you know we do build up the expectations of vacation right we talk about it for weeks or maybe months like Janae's already planning five months out right we build it up um to be so big but then also to what you said earlier Deanna that leaves little space for any irritability or any frustrations or any for anything to go wrong.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_02: There's no margin because now it's not just like oh we have to stop at a gas station because mom needs to go to the bathroom again.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_02: Now it's this oh but we're on vacation and that's going to make us late and you know everything seems to be hyped up anything negative that were to come your way feels worse because it's on vacation.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_02: How could you you know how could you have this attitude on vacation?
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think that's just really important to you know set the set the excitement high but also leave space for the grace um that we're still real people with real needs.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_02: And speaking of real needs, we we have to think about how to manage our work when it comes to taking the space and the time for vacation.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_02: And this is clearly something that needs to be thought through ahead of time.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: You know a lot of people say the week before and the week after vacation might be crazy in prepping to be gone from work and then recovering from being gone from work.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: But it's important to think through what do you want vacation to look like when it comes to your work and setting boundaries?
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: How can you communicate clearly with your clients or with your colleagues or even your friends that hey during these days during this span of time I am unavailable.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: I heard a story once of a I think it was a pastor that took you know a full three month sabbatical or something and you know he just had it in his um in his response message to you know if this is you know I'm on sabbatical if this is urgent contact so and so um I will be deleting all emails when I return so if you still need me come September, email me again.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_02: So they had a solution if it was urgent and you know if they really needed it to be him they could come back in a couple months.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: And when he came back, you know he had of course hundreds hundreds of emails deleted them all and maybe had like two or three people that reached out to him again.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_02: And it is mind blowing of we think that we are so important right we think that we that you know other things won't be able to carry on maybe it's our work um if we're not there.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_02: And really that's not the reality.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_02: The Lord is the one making the world go around not us.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_02: And so um if you do have to have to have to work on vacation you know what are the specific times of day?
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: Are you going to wake up early before everyone else or you know have you communicated um during this hour of the day I need to be away to to be working um but also consider what does that communicate to the rest of your family?
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you are with probably the people that mean the most to you.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: And so even when friends text you and you're on vacation um you want to be communicating to your family and to who you're with that they are the most important people to you and then everything else can wait.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_02: And especially in today's age where our kids see us on our phones so much in normal everyday life, um what would it mean to them, you know, to have that extra special feeling of you know what my phone is in the other room and it is on silent and you know I'm only gonna grab it to take a picture or you know to capture the memory.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_02: But we can often feel like all the people back home might need me.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_02: You know, if if a phone call is coming in or a text is coming in, what if they need me?
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_02: And really just to zoom out and remember God has got the world.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_02: He's holding it tight and um if something is urgent, you know, you can you can check it in two hours and and it will still be fine.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: So um think through how to disconnect from work um and even just to take that time as a mental break um is so helpful to your mental health and especially for for moms needing to prioritize their own soul care on vacation.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_03: I just had the thought that you know we used to go on vacation with oh telephones there was a day when that happened yeah so no it's possible it's possible that just sounds nice too like it really does sound nice just to leave the cell phone home at the hotel just turn it off and leave it at the hotel.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_02: Even from like I think my my excuse would be well I want to bring it to take a picture you know I want to have I want to make sure I have the memories um but even the challenge of like you'll get plenty of pictures across your whole week on vacation to be challenged to say is the memory for us being present is that enough you know what would it be like to not have this picture is that okay or by a camera there are those still out there what Deanna dropping perspective what got me in here like reflecting like hold on a second I need a minute because she just like stepped on my toes in the best way that's so like just hearing you say like you're gonna get pictures throughout it.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_03: So have a few things because I do love making videos and I do love I feel like I need to capture it on my phone because it's honestly that's that's those things are really fun to me like I love being creative and creating these fun um videos of my family and what we did on our trip and um even YouTube again stuff.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_03: But like how many things do you do when you're on vacation?
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_03: Like what would it look like to set the phone in the hotel for this particular um event that you're going to or whatever you know I'm I'm I'm gonna challenge myself like I that's really great.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_03: And and you know we wanted to this is like a perfect segue because we're talking about um those that have a harder time opening up the laptop and doing work on vacation or just having the phone with them.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think that's a perfect segue because we wanted to talk about the Enneagram types on vacation and the we were gonna we were going to do that by talking about the stances and I was going to jump in talking about the future stance which is three sevens and eights who I think might would have and I'm a seven here so I'm calling myself out but I think might would have a harder time um not you know we we think like we need we need to um we need to answer that email right now or we you know we need to do the work uh we need to pause and do the work really quick um and we're just we're doers and so just like pausing I think um could just really like it it's just reflection to hear you say Sarah like what would that mean to our kids and I'm like oh ouch that would mean so much.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_03: So thank you for saying that and so we are going to go over really quick the uh the stances and so three seven and eights are um they are the future stances and and so we are very go go go and we might find ourselves not enjoying the current because we are talking about the excitement for the next thing and I'm I'm gonna tell you like I have been there and done that so we're at the point where we're you know I can remember my little my daughter and my husband we were we were at this like Dolly Parton dinner show thing we love going to Gatlinburg those type places in Pigeon Forge and I had made us reservations to this I'm not even sure the name of it but it was these it was this reservation something that Dolly Parton put on and I mean I had been talking about this and so excited Sage was gonna love it and we we get there and I'm literally talking to Sage about what we're going to do next and my husband heart that's a two is just like looking at me like laughing and I'm like what are you laughing about and he's like are you enjoying the moment that you've talked about for like oh three months.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_03: Oh I'm enjoying it um but it's so true we we we just automatically think about what's next and so it does really cause us not to enjoy it as much and um if we could stop and say no I'm gonna take in this moment right here like reflect on that and actually make ourselves do it I think that we'll find that you know because we build we build these moments up these are our expectations and a lot of times for for us future stances I feel like it we we it doesn't meet our expectations because we are kind of living in the future and so then we're like well that didn't meet my expectation but it might would have more if I had actually been more in the moment.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_03: And so just a thought there and and for three sevens and eights we also will find that we bring a really high level of energy and fun.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_03: Okay I'm not downing us this whole time we are we are really fun and we're energetic and I think that we bring life to the vacations yes yes we bring the energy um I have um as we're gonna be talking about these different stances really quick I have to share that um I have a really close friend group and so there's a in this friend group is an Enneagram seven three five and nine and um so we go to vacation it's a girl girl group and we're we're on vacation um it's a Savannah Georgia and so I just get uh I chuckle look looking back on it now because the five and the nine we were all out um and about after dinner at like 730 they Ubered back to the hotel and the three seven like we found so much to get into so we were like we got we get back to the hotel and they are out like past out of sleep.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_03: So we I think we ended up falling asleep around like 130 or two.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_03: And then the next morning um they slept in and we were already up finding like a coffee shop and a different breakfast place to get into and looking back it's just we I have to laugh at that and it's just our personalities and they had the best time doing that and we had the best time and it just shows kind of vacation with these different types.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yes that's such a good story Janae and such it's just so powerful to take that moment to look at each personality and not just assume the vacation looks the same way for every single person.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_02: And to continue with the stances me as a two I'm in the present stance and so we're looking at ones, twos and sixes and um the present stance is very aware of what's happening right now.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_02: And so we can be really swept up by what needs to be done in this current moment.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_02: And so when I think of how that plays out uh just on vacation a couple months ago in Florida was okay we're all preparing to go to the beach right we we're wanting to leave in 30 minutes or so the present stances can have a very clear picture of what needs to happen between now and then to get us out the door in 30 minutes.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm thinking all the kids need sunscreen on we have to have a cooler packed with all the snacks we have to have enough towels do we have the beach toys do we have the tent all the things and that can be a beautiful gift right because later when we are at the beach we have the things that we need um but it can also have a negative impact when I can see all the things that need to be done right now and why is not everyone else helping me right why why are y'all all off lollygag and just having fun and it can grow into this this bitterness and resentment that like why am I the only one doing this?
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_02: Why am I the only one preparing?
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_02: And so uh there is strength to that to being in that present moment to really enjoying and embracing you know just what what your husband said to you Janae when when John was like be here this is the moment we want to enjoy and the present stance can definitely help with that.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_02: But on the negative end, you know, we still want to be able to relax and enjoy things and not only see what needs to be done in this moment.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's so good you guys.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I represent the past focused people uh the fours, fives and nines and um lots of times I think that we can learn from what didn't work the day before.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: So that is something that I'll bring sometime I'll think oh well that didn't work let's try something different and even seeing the disappointment in people how can we work that better?
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_00: And as I think about our family um if we all traveled we actually sat around the table at Christmas this year and realized we have almost one of every type in our family.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_00: Wow there's there's no like oh the twos will do this and it's like a variety of everyone so we really have to work at getting that all to work together.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: But in in mine um again making room for the real life in the middle of the activity I love making myself get present focused and just sitting and going can we just sit here?
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: I went hiking last summer with a girlfriend um in the mountains and and we're walking all around and she loves the activity and doing those kinds of things and I say will you just sit with me on this bench for like 10 minutes okay just give me 10 minutes where we can just take it all in and uh reflect on even just what we just did.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's that's my um I guess probably it isn't necessarily fun to everybody to sit and reflect but that is that is where we sit with being um past focused.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so we just need space to to not I am a type four with a five wings which is both withdrawing stances.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so I really need time to just breathe during things.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_00: I love doing activities I love um I actually love doing things that I've never done before that is um one of my favorite things and one of the one of the excitements I bring because my husband's a type one so he's just like tell me how what we're gonna do in what order and how we're gonna do that.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like well let's just try this.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I kind of like that I I kind of pulled from the seven sometimes in that but um I still need space to recharge give me a half an hour sitting in a chair not thinking about anything doing all of that type of thing.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's common with the with the past focus we can just sit and have that time to reflect and really make the most of what just happened on on the vacation.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_00: So that's where I'm coming from.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_02: Deanna that's so beautiful and I love how we each represent you know one of the different stances even on this call together.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_00: So fun.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah and so you know we can see the beauty of each different stance in this and each personality that we bring and Deanna you said you know it might not be fun for everyone to have that sit in that pause but we know when we're doing our Enneagram work the way towards growth is actually balancing everything out.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_02: And so Janae is go go go let's go to the next place and see the cool things and Deanna is saying let's stop and enjoy the moment and the beauty that all stances can can wrap together.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah I actually want to say I I appreciate that you guys do that Deanna because a lot of times um I actually do enjoy doing that I just need the invitation to do it.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_03: Like I love that you asked your friend hey will you just actually sit with me because I bet she actually did enjoy it.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_02: She just kind of needed that invitation to sit still and and then like wow what I just did was was beautiful and yeah I love that I love that so as as we all are listening today to this conversation let's think through number one which stance are you in and what what are going to be your tendencies on a trip but then also you know learn from the other two stances of of for yourself how can I you know how can I enjoy um the moment a little bit more or how can I plan for the future a little bit better?
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_02: How can I stop and and embrace the the beauty of the moment a little bit more.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_02: So find ways that you can grow into either stance as well.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_02: And I think this just all reiterates um how important communication is in going into these trips and how setting expectations are so important.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_02: And so we hope it's been helpful to you know kind of think through this information before maybe you're planning a trip this summer.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_02: And you know this is all in the goal of having the best trip together we possibly can and really making those memories together as a family that um that we're gonna remember for a really long time.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_02: So thanks for joining us today.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_01: Friend are you ready to create memories that will last a lifetime and build bonds that withstand the test of time well I do hope that you feel encouraged to embrace the adventure of a family vacation.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_01: Remember it's about creating an experience not truly have a vacation but I do highly recommend to strategically plan time to recharge before and after or maybe while you're scheduling the family trip, plan a little vacation for you and your spouse.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_01: I do love Deanna's take on vacations with grown kids as I think toward the future for my own life and imagine what that season is going to look like.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I have one last tip for you my morning coffee with Jesus is truly an anchoring rhythm that I cannot live without I have learned as soon as we check in to wherever or get to that destination even if it's for one night I try to find that space and set things up so that way I can sneak away before everyone wakes up.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_01: Now depending on the ages of your kids and how well they sleep I totally get that this is very challenging and I I could spend an hour talking about the challenges of that but what I have learned is to be super strategic and mindful of how I could slip away in the morning to just have a little bit of time to myself to recharge to get in the word of God to have a little bit of time of prayer or journaling or whatever time would allow.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_01: A key to this is communicating with your spouse.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_01: It will really help if you let your spouse know that they you need this time to be with Jesus and they might ask for it as well.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_01: So work together do your best to make it happen.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: Take those turns now sometimes the location has not been very convenient at all and I had to be a little bit uncomfortable.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't like my cozy corner that I have at home with my blanket and the hot steamy mug of coffee right but that is wonderful and comforting and beautiful but it's really about having that time with the Lord and the word that is the thing that refuels me.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then you know the coffee and the cozy corn is extra.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I've been uncomfortable a few times but it's been so worth it.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_01: And even if the kids kind of murmur and wake up they might just go back to sleep once you slip out there, of course with a few breath prayers on your way, right?
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_01: Now I would love to hear your unique tips and experiences for making the most of family vacations.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_01: We certainly have not covered them all.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_01: You can connect with any of us collective coaches either on the website or on Instagram and we've put all those links in the show notes.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_01: I am so thrilled to be getting to do this special summer series with you and the fact that you are listening.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure to share these with your friends as we want as many fellow wholehearted mamas to link arms during these days whether we can plan a vacation or we're dealing with Shark Week or what we're gonna be talking about next time is taking care of our soul.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna dive in deep into that topic and you know already that I am passionate about it but just wait till you hear all the tidbits from Sarah and Janae.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's so good.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_01: So until next time friend continue to pursue God's perspective purpose and plans for your simply wholehearted life