Latest / Two Personal with Joy Taylor / We're Cooked: America's Literacy Crisis, Burnout & The Cost of Speaking Up

Transcript

We're Cooked: America's Literacy Crisis, Burnout & The Cost of Speaking Up · Two Personal with Joy Taylor

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: But more people aren't listening than are, and more people
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: don't care than do. Because if more people cared then didn't,
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: we would be fixing the problem. Hey, guys, welcome in
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Too Personal. Thanks so much for joining me. I'm Joy Taylor.
• 0:11
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• 0:14
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• 0:16
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• 0:21
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• 0:24
  Speaker 1: But Haley, what is going on this week? So?
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: I've seen a lot of buzz about literacy in the country,
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: and you and I are both readers, so I really
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: feel like we should dive into this.
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: Let me give you a little backstory.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: In some statistics, so twenty one percent as the nation
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: fall into functionally illiterate category. The average American reads at
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: roughly a seventh to eighth grade level. Only about twelve
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: percent of US adults reached the highest literacy proficiency with
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: his levels four and five. Recent nationwide studies report that
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: seventy percent of fourth graders can read proficiently, and in
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: twenty twenty five, forty percent of American adults did not
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: open a book, so no one's reading for pleasure anymore.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: That's fallen by forty percent over the past two decades.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: At some point we have to figure it out. I
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: don't know if the issue is in the schools. Do
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: we think it starts at home? Do people just not care?
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: It was not like this when we were growing up.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: No, it was not like this when we were growing up.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: But we I'm a little bit older than you, but
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: only by a few years, right, I did not grow
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: up with the Internet. I remember the first time I
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: got a computer in my home and when we got
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: the internet at all, Like we had a computer before
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: we had the Internet, that was just for like typing.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: If we needed to look something up, you had to
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: go look it up in the encyclopedia. If we did
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: not know what a word meant, we had to go
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: look it up in the dictionary. Like I could ask
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: my mom or my father a million times. I mean,
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: it actually didn't matter who it was. If you asked
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: an adult what a word meant to a dictionary, they're
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: not going to tell you what it meant. If you
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: ask them to explain it, maybe they would explain it
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: to you, but they're not going to tell you the
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: meaning of a word if there's a dictionary anywhere nearby,
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: and even if there's not, you're gonna wait till you
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: get home, and they're gonna remember and make you look
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: it up then. And it was hooked on phonics. There
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: was book at club, at pizza hut. I had a
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: library card, and my father had very strict reading rules
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: in our house. We had to read, as I've said,
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: even though no one believes me, we had to read
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: the Bible every day, which is why I have read
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: the Bible cover to cover many times. I had to
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: read a book, like several chapters of a book every day,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: and reading and writing for that matter, but reading particularly
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: is fundamental to any level of success in education. And
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I saw this trends quite a few years ago where
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: we really started to celebrate stupid shit. And I think
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: it's important to unplug. I think it's important to enjoy
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: some ignorant shit every once in a while. I think
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: it's important to indulge in not thinking for a short
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: amount of time. Like you do need some of those
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: escapes because everything is so serious and hard and bills
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: and like, I get that. But even when we were
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: growing up the comedy was still was still written by someone.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: And as we've gotten into more and more of a
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: deterioration of what content is and what comedy is, and
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: what is enjoyable and what is celebrated, it goes hands
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: in hands with the deterioration in literacy and education and
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: attention spans, and let's be honest, technology has played a
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: huge role in this. Yeah, people think that reading, Oh
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: I read this somewhere. You read an internet sticker, You
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: read a picture that somebody put a few words on
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: top of. That is not reading. Did you read what
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: was on that picture? Yes? Did you read an article?
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Did you read a study? I mean we saw a
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: lot of this during COVID, where people were like, do
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: your own research, baby. You have not read a single
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: medical research paper. You have not read through seven hundred
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: pages of a medical study. You didn't do that. You
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: did not read, Okay, you listened to a podcast, you
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: read perhaps a blog, you read a picture that had
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: some words on it. And what scares me about this
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: is not that people aren't reading for fun. It's the
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: points that you just read. They're not reading at all.
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  Speaker 1: And why this is important is because a stupid population
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: is easier to control an uneducated population, is easier to
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: manipulate people that cannot read what you put in front
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: of them and comprehend it, process it, apply, it can
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: be told anything, do not look for the answer, because
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: they couldn't get the answer in a book if they
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: wanted to. And this is all purposeful, Like the American
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: education system has been deteriorating purposely for a long time,
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: and pop culture has fed into that. Like we celebrate
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: stupid shit way more often than we should. And I'm
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: not saying get rid of all stupid shit. We need
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: some stupid shit, but we need more intellectual shit than
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: we need stupid shit. And yeah, we're kind of in
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: it now. Like kids can't read.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: Do you remember being in class in them reading out loud?
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Right? Yeah, reading out loud. It was a torture device
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: for teachers.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: But do you remember like trying to calculate how many
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: people until it was your turn so you could preread
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: your section, because God forbid you messed up?
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: Like it was a thing like no, I.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: You couldn't read. You got made fun of. Yeah, yeah,
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: you better not stumble on a word.
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: I was rehearsing. How many more paragraphs you gotta get cooked.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Now. Nobody can read. Now, if you could read through it,
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: they'd probably make fun of you for being able to read,
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: because so many of them can't read. It's horrifying to me. Like,
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: this is something that I think is a sure sign
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: that we are cooked, because not being able to read,
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: like people, let me put it to you this way,
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: they did not allow slaves to read. You would get
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: killed for trying to learn how to read. A big
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: part of Nat Turner's story was that he knew how
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: to read and that he was preaching to other slaves
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: because you could read the Bible, like not having that
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: population not be able to read was a control tactic
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: by slave owners to not be to not allow them
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: to be educated. Because when you're educated, you can organize.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: When you're educated, you're not easily manipulated. When you're educated,
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: you have access to information. When you're educated and you
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: can read and write, you can communicate with people all
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: over the world. If you can't do that, then you're
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: easier to control, you're easier to manipulate, and you're easier
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: to keep from information. I always say that the wealthy
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: obviously have money and power, but the most important transaction
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: that wealthy people have is information that is the most
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: valuable entity to wealthy people. It's why everything that's going
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: on with the president, with this insider trading, that's an
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: exchange of information. Yeah, they can exchange money, but how
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: do you make more money? You have information on where
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: the money is going to be made. And if you
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: can't read or you can't write, you can't get access
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: to that information. Anybody can tell you anything. Propaganda is
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: easier to disseminate. You have to believe what people tell
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: you because you can't find out for your own on
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: your own. So it's so much scarier than a lot
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: of people aren't reading like the fun books we read.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: It's that people cannot read. They cannot be given a
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: piece of paper. I hate watching those. Remember I showed
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: you those.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: Tiktoks, Oh my gosh, and they have to pronounce where
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: they read it out.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: Loud an index card and it says read this sentence specs.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Have you seen these there?
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: Now, There's been a few where I'm like, oh, I'm
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: chop that word up, but I still can.
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: Read it, like I don't know what.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: The word means. And even if you don't know what
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: the mord means you know the context of the sentence,
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: so you have an idea. These people can't get through
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: a word. And it's not cute. It's not cute, it's
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: really not it's really horrifying to me. We're cooked. Yeah,
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I don't and I don't have to face out. I
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: can't solve everything.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: Well, you and I were talking about this, and we
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: were talking about how you've had a lot to say
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: publicly over the years. Right, you are very passionate about
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: your opinions. You take the time to say them out
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: loud in hopes that it creates a movement. As your
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: relationship with speaking your mind changed it all recently.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: You know, I've been thinking about it a lot because
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: I pay attention to a lot of things. I'm kind
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: of a creep in that way, like I take notice
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: of what other people in my industry do, with other
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: people who you know, who are on levels I'm aspiring
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: to get to do. I study the marketplace, I look
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: for trends. I've always been someone who sees around the
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: corner in my own industry, and I do think there
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: is a significant benefit to not speaking up about what's
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: happening in the world. I do think it's rewarded on
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: a corporate level. I do think it's rewarded when it
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: comes to like partnerships and opportunities. And I don't say
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: that in a shady way, because listen, we're all trying
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: to make money, we're all trying to advance our careers,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: we're all trying to help our families. I get it.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: And I don't think anybody and I talk about this
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: a lot because it always comes up when we're talking
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: about sports. I don't think anybody is obligated to speak
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: on things that are happening in the world, and particularly
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: if you're not educated, I would very much prefer you
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: don't because you will absolutely make it worse. Yeah, please don't,
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Please don't. Don't feel compelled in some whirlwind moment to
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: do something or say something and you have absolutely no
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: idea what's going on, and have done no research and
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: have asked no questions. It's a bunch of blabbering, and
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: it almost always makes it worse. But as someone who
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: has always felt the need to speak out about things
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: that I think are wrong and who has a platform
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: that is reactive, I have noticed that, like me speaking
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: up about things has not really benefited me a lot,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: and I've never done it to benefit myself. I've always
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: done it because I want to make people aware of
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: what's happening. To spread awareness about causes. To spread awareness
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: is about, you know, people suffering, to spread awareness about
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: things that are happening in the world. You know the
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: fact that nobody can fucking read things like that. And
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: I'm very hyperbolic, and I'm like, no one cares and
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: no one's listening. And I know that's not true, right,
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: But more people aren't listening than are, and more people
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: don't care than do. Because if more people cared then didn't,
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: we would be fixing the problem. Yeah, if more people
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: cared than didn't care at the level in which they
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: need to care, all of these atrocities would not be happening.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: If more people cared than didn't care at the level
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: in which they need to care, we would not be
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: in the state that we are in as a world
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: right now, but particularly as a country. So I can't
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: listen to the people who are like, we can't say
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: nobody cares. Absolutely people care. I very much understand that
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: I'm usually sharing the words of other people who care,
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: but not enough people care, and even if they do care,
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: it's like I care, but like I have this going
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: on in my life which I sympathize with, Like I
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: sympathize and empathize with, Like, Look, I can't solve every problem.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: We weren't meant to solve every problem. We weren't meant
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: to know everybody's problems. We were not meant to know
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: every single thing that's happening all over the world that
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: is horrible. It's overwhelming, and I get it, but yeah,
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: it's it's not helping me. Yeah, And I'm kind of
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: at a crossroads where I'm like, am I wasting my fuckings?
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: I'm no, I think. I think.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: I think you have a gift in being able to
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: articulate yourself and get a message across in a way
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: that shows your personality.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: But to who? But who's listening? Who am I converting?
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Am I reaching anyone? Like? Am I posting about something
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: horrible that's happening? Is that hitting anyone's brain or spirit?
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Like you know what, Joy's right, this is horrible. I'm
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: gonna change, I don't think so. I'm really starting to
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: feel that way, And like in my developing villain era,
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: like does it matter because I argue with people who
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: are close to me all the time because when I
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: feel like I'm like, you don't care, you don't care.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: Why I don't care? The world is melting, And they're like,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: we do care, we just don't post about it, and
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: we do this in our community and we help these
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: people out and we do this effort, and like, I
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: have all these things going on, I just don't post
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: about it. And I'm like, oh, so I am I
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: the dummy, Like you have someone who's like screaming at clouds.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: I should just shut the fuck up and do all
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: the work I'm doing in silence.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: Because that's the thing you always are doing the words.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: That everyone else is getting from not posting. I'm torn,
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: Why do I have to be the loud bitch? I mean,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: I am a loud bitch, but like I'm the one
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: who is suffering the consequences of being a loud bitch
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: when I could just do the work. I'm like, you know,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: because you work with me every day, all of the
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: shit that I'm doing every day, I don't post ninety
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: eight percent of the shit that I'm that I'm doing
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: in the community for other people. Mentoring, like not beeping
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: my horn. I'm just saying, people think I'm posting a lot.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: I'm not even posting like I'm like, I'm posted nothing.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: I'm i supposed to.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: Shit, Wait, people think you're posting like like a lot.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: Asn't too much.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: No, I'm just saying, like, as as a fucking annoying
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: as I am, I could be so much, so much
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: orse because I do care, like I do care you do,
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: But maybe I should just care in silence because for
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: what these motherfuckers are not gonna do any different. They're
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: still gonna treat people like shit.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, people don't. They don't. They really don't want to
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: be inconvenienced.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I am not the prophet, right, Like, it can't be me.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: I am not worthy of leading the movement. Who is
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: I don't know, but it ain't gonna be me. Nobody
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: wants me to be in charge so clearly, so I'm
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: happy to support a motherfucker that's in charge. But like, yeah,
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm just kind of reaching the point
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: where I'm like, yeah, maybe maybe it's just not worth it.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: I think we need to let that marinate for a minute.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not making any rash decisions.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, let's not make any rash decisions. Yeah, but I do.
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: I do kind of hear where you're coming from in
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: a different light because my birthday's next month. I'm gonna
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: be thirty five, so I'm turning third five, You're turning forty.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: We have two big birthdays. But I feel frustrated. Like
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: I'm excited, but I feel more frustrated. I almost feel
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: like this whole year, if I had to make it
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: a theme, it was that it would be that I'm
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: everyone's person, but not many are mine. And I don't
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: know if it's I mean, to my core, I'm like
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: a fixer, I'm a doer, I'm a hoper, like virgo,
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: like just that's been me my entire life. So is
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: it just that now I'm sick of being that for
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: thirty five years because it hasn't been reciprocated enough, or.
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: Is it just is it just personally happening to me?
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: I can't.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: I can't figure it out, and I'm having a really
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: hard time grappling with it because I feel like everybody
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: wants a community, but nobody wants the commitment.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Ooh, that's a bar. Everybody wants the community, nobody wants
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: the commitment. You know. I was talking to a friend
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: of mine the other day and he was making fun
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: of me because he's like, you always have a dinner,
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: you always have a lunch, you always have an event,
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: you always have a thing. And he's like, how, like
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: how many friends do you have? And I was like,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: I mean I do have a lot of friends, but
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: I am also somebody who really feels obligated to show
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: up for people. Now it is also not always reciprocated,
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: which is very hurtful for me because I will scrape
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: myself out of bed when I don't want to do
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: shit and go show up for someone. Now. I have
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: him better about that lately, about like if I really
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: am not feeling it and it's really not one hundred
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: percent necessary that I be there, that I, you know,
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: protect myself and not over exert myself. But I think
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: you're right about the commitment part. Like having a community
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: requires a back and forth. We've talked about this before
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: in transactional relationships, which everyone freaked the fuck out about,
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: and maybe transactional wasn't the perfect word for it. It's a
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: reciprocal relationship where but I still tussle with that because
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: you do things because you naturally want to do them
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: for other people. Yeah, but you do deserve for people
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: to do them back for you and to show up
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: for you also, so you're not doing it with the intention,
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: so the transaction of getting something done for you, But
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: it should be expected that people pour back into you
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: when you're pouring into them. It might not be in
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: the exact same way, but you can show up for
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: people in a variety of different ways.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: Well that's the thing too, Like you would think or
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: I think it's it's expected, right, But I also don't
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: ask a lot of people from a lot of people,
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: Like that's also my issue, Like if I need support
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: in an area, I just assume people around me to
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: be paying attention and give me the support versus just
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: point blank period, Hey I need you to show up
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: here this time, and this is why.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: So I'm like, am I the problem?
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: You're not the problem. But I will say this. I
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: had a friend who worked in a corporate space for
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: a long time and she was let go, and when
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: she was talking to me about it, she was like,
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: you know, I did this. I did that. I brought
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: in this relationship and I made this happen, and you know,
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: I just feel like I never got the credit for
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: because every time something like happened, this person would swoop
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: in at the last second and like end the email
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: chain and like, you know, to basically take credit for
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: it or da da dad. And I was like, well,
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: that's kind of on you. Like you can't work in silence.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: There's no reward for that. True, Like working in silence
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: maybe with your child or with you know, an elderly
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: person that you're taken care of or something like that's
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: probably different. But in corporate, in peer to peer relationships,
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: in interpersonal relationships, no, no, I did this work. It
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: was me. I'm the one that made that phone call
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: and made this happen. You didn't do that. You forwarded
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: an email Da da da da. You need to take
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: credit for that. Don't make that mistake in your next job.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: And in relationships, if you need help, you need to ask. Yeah,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: and there's no shame in that. We all need help.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: I had to grow out of that as well, and
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: I think hyper independent women do feel a level of
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: shame in asking for help, but you have to let
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: that go because everybody needs help. I had a past
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: relationship once an interpersonal relationship a man I was with
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: and he had a huge network of people that really
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: loved him, really supported him, and he was struggling to
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: find work and I was like, tap into your community,
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: like you spent all these years building all these relationships.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: Why don't you call someone? And he was like, well,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: that's not what it's for, Da da da. I was like,
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: that is exactly what it's for. Sure. What else are
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: these people in your life for? Not to give you money?
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: But you've done all of these things. You did this
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: for this person, you did this for their son, you
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: made this call that what do you mean It's not
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: about owing people something like? You can't just always take
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: from people and not pour back into them. And if
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: you call that person and they're like, hey, like I
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: don't have anything for you, but I'll keep my ear open,
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: that's all you can ask. Yeah, but like to not
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: ask is silly. I'm calling. I'm sorry if I need
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: bring Hey, can you help me out with this? And
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: maybe they can or maybe they can't, But I'm gonna
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: ask because I'm only calling somebody who I would do
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: that for them too. I'm not calling in favors. I'm
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: not calling and asking for help from somebody that I've
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: never poured into or have no intention of pouring into.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: So you do have to let go of that shame.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: I have to, and I gotta speak up because it
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: burns you out being everything for everybody.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: I am burnt out the fuck out. My nervous system
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: is shot. Yeah, I have enough space for the things
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: I am required to do. Other than that, I'm gonna
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: be on the couch like this. Yeah.
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I need like I don't. I need like a
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: week bar or something.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: I can't even have the ac on. I want no noise,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: I need no stimulation. Like I feel you on the
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: burnout and the thing is like it takes years to
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: rewire your system from that, so be careful and ask
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: for help.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: Would you need to figure it out? Because we need
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: to have a time on my birthday? So I gotta
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: figure this.
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: Out before the end August. Yeah you do, because I'm
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: turning up.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: You need to. It's a big birthday.
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: And yours too.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, we had some time. I'm still in my thirties,
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: all right, it's time for the two personal yes, okay, yes,
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: I love this question. Okay, so you know I'm a
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: big traveler. If you want to get to be a
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: part of the show two Personal Podcast at gmail dot
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: com or dms at two Personal Show. Okay, my boyfriend
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: gets upset when I travel with my friends without him,
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: but he takes trips with his friends all the time.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: He says, it's different.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: Is it absolutely?
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: Why is it different?
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: Girls trips are not the same as a guy's trip, specs?
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: Am I right or wrong?
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: Why? Why is this guy's trip different than a girl's trip?
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: Girls be gay?
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: They what it's like, it's like a thing when not
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: not all girls trips, obviously, but it's a it's a
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: known thing where girls go on they quote unquote girls trips.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: They get tipsy and they like hook up with each
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: other and have a little have a little ball or
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: have a you know, a man or a trick be
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: taking care of everything. So I think men are nervous
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: and a little traumatized by the stories they've seen and
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: heard because.
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: They're like my girl going on a girl's trip.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: She she come back and she she did some shit,
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: she cheated, she did something.
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: What like, they're not just laying out by the beach
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: channing spects.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: What is this? What is happening? The girls be going
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: on trips sometimes a.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: Little a little freaky.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: So you think that girls, Wait, girls trips are for
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: going away with your girlfriends and hooking up with them.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: Is that what you're saying to me?
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: There's like a stigma about.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: And what is the stigma with guys trips?
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: Just not any of that? What are they doing just
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: hanging out?
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: First of all, Okay, guys can't. If there's a stigma
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: to guys trips. If there's a stigma to guys ships,
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: is that guys are going away and guys trips and
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: hooking up with women wherever they're going on their.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: Guys Yes, that that could be.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the past passport bros. Yeah, like that is that's
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: what password bros are. Yeah, Okay, let me let me
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: say this out front. I don't have these kind of relationships.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: I don't. I if I'm gonna hook up with someone,
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it right in my home. I don't
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: like road games. And if I feel like I need
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: to dabble, you know, with a woman, I'm I don't
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: need to leave my zip code to do.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: That dabble with the woman.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, those those days are in college and
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: I certainly don't didn't go on girls trips to do them,
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: and I'm not hooking up with my girlfriends, So I
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: have never heard of this as a thing. I do
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: think you guys need to watch less porn.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's too much.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: As a as a community. As a community, you need
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: to watch less porn. Because I did have this conversation
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: and guys were talking about bachelorette parties and one of
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: them was like, my girl's never going to a bacheltte party.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: I was like why, Like what do you think is
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: happening on a bacheltt party? And he was like, yeah,
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: you hire the bear and like everyone sucks his dick.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: I was like, you wait, what you think that I'm
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: going on a bachelorette party with my friends and we're
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: hiring a man so that we all can can suck
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: his dick. We're all gonna in your brains. And I
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: couldn't figured it out. I was like, where did you
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: come up with this? Like I can't think of anything.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: Like if you gave me a list of two million
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: things I don't want to do, that's that's very very
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: much on that list, Like why would I ever want
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: to do that? Like if one of my girlfriends even
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: suggested that I would immediately stop being friends with her
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: or I would have her committed, Like what are you
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: talking about? We're gonna bring in a man that we
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: don't know and I'm gonna watch you do that to him.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: And then after I'm gonna do it. What is the
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: benefit to me? What am I getting out of this?
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: I couldn't figure it out. And then they introduced me
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: to the porn and I was like, Oh, so you
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: guys actually think this is real life. I've been on
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: many bachelortt parties. I can promise you that, like on
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: Ma Ma, that is not how I'm getting down now.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: I may participating in some other activities, but at only
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: was not a group activity with the girls that I
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: went with. And by the way, I did not do
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: that on my Patchtorg party. It was I didn't mean
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: to be that strong. It was supposed to be. It
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: was supposed to be just like a little It wasn't
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: supposed it wasn't supposed to be a fool Craig. It
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: was just supposed to be a little a little tuck.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: And honestly, I'm just saying, we like went to the
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: strip club. I that's like the entire this whole thing
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: is very crazy. Okay, So anyway to answer this question,
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: I think maybe your boyfriend might be gay, saying like I,
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: this would never cross my mind that he like if
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: he's assuming that that's what you're doing. I don't know this.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: This could go both ways, but in general, I don't
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: think that people should have these limitations on them. Travels
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: very important. It's very important to me. All jokes aside.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: I think he needs to dig deeper about why he
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: doesn't trust you, for which one of his which one
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: of your friends he doesn't trust that he is so
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: concerned about you going away without him. But I learned
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: something today. So girls trips are about hooking up with
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: your girlfriends? Yes, okay, yeah, I don't do that. And
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: I can assure you that my girlfriends would be pretty
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: upset if I proposed that during our next trip. I
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: don't think they're going to be about this chatter. It's
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: very crazy. I learned new things. It's different for guys trips. Okay, Well, anyway,
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: if you want to be a part of the show,
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: Two Personal Podcasts at gmail dot com, and you can
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: d ms at two Personal Show. Thanks for the education specs.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: I'm learning new things every day. Thanks for joining us.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: Make sure you hit subscribe. Followus on social to personal show.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us on too, personal