Latest / White Coat Black Sheep / I'm Not Ruined: Marcus Garcia on Trauma, Addiction & Coming Back to Life

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I'm Not Ruined: Marcus Garcia on Trauma, Addiction & Coming Back to Life · White Coat Black Sheep

• 0:05
  In the studio today with me, I have Marcus.
• 0:07
  Thank you so much for spending your evening with me tonight.
• 0:11
  No, Dr. Savelli, I really appreciate being here.
• 0:14
  It's an honor, it's a privilege. You're very well-respected in the community of
• 0:20
  Bakersfield and Kern County.
• 0:21
  Thank you.
• 0:21
  And I'm just very, very blessed to be here today.
• 0:25
  Tell us your full name, Marcus, and tell us what you do, and thank you so much for
• 0:30
  that nice intro for me.
• 0:32
  But it's my honor to have you here.
• 0:34
  Yeah. My name is Marcus John Garcia III.
• 0:39
  I come from a family of six.
• 0:42
  I have two brothers. I'm sorry, I have one brother, excuse me, two sisters.
• 0:47
  Both my parents are-
• 0:47
  I was like, "One brother doesn't count here."
• 0:49
  Yeah.
• 0:49
  Like, he got canceled.
• 0:50
  Yeah.
• 0:53
  No, so one brother, two sisters. I'm the oldest in my generation-
• 0:58
  Okay
• 0:58
  ... on both sides of the family. So there's a lot of pressure that comes with that.
• 1:02
  29?
• 1:02
  Am I 29?
• 1:04
  Yeah.
• 1:04
  No, I'm 35.
• 1:05
  Basically 29.
• 1:06
  Yeah, that's it.
• 1:07
  I'm 29.
• 1:08
  Yeah. Oh, so we're right there, but not quite there yet.
• 1:10
  Yeah.
• 1:11
  Got you.
• 1:11
  Yeah.
• 1:11
  29 for sure.
• 1:14
  Yeah.
• 1:15
  Yeah. So I'm a transplant from Las Vegas. I grew up in Vegas originally.
• 1:19
  Canada.
• 1:19
  Yeah. It's not all over my face.
• 1:23
  Okay, what does somebody from Vegas look like?
• 1:28
  No, it's just that, I think it's the...
• 1:31
  I don't know, there's an aura that comes along with Vegas.
• 1:34
  There's a vibe that comes with Vegas.
• 1:39
  You can kind of spot one. There's no true culture there.
• 1:43
  Interesting.
• 1:44
  So it's a melting pot, just like New York or LA in a way, but-
• 1:47
  Yeah
• 1:47
  ... just way, way worse as far as no culture-
• 1:51
  Is it kind of like a harder exterior in a sense?
• 1:54
  You know what? I wouldn't call it harder.
• 1:57
  What's cool about Vegas is that you could be at a bar-
• 2:00
  Mm-hmm
• 2:01
  ... you can be anywhere, and you can have the guy from the street-
• 2:04
  Yeah
• 2:04
  ... and you got Mr. Wynn right next to you-
• 2:07
  Yeah
• 2:07
  ... all at the same bar.
• 2:09
  Wow.
• 2:09
  It's a melting pot like that.
• 2:11
  Yeah.
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  So everyone hangs out with each other. But there's no true like...
• 2:16
  If you go to LA, you know that culture.
• 2:19
  Yeah.
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  You know that culture.
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  There's cliques.
• 2:21
  There's cliques, you know, everything like that, right?
• 2:23
  Yeah.
• 2:23
  You go to New York, same thing.
• 2:24
  Yeah.
• 2:25
  You go to the boroughs, everyone has their own thing.
• 2:27
  Like Upper East Side or-
• 2:28
  Yeah.
• 2:29
  Yeah.
• 2:29
  There's nothing like that in Vegas.
• 2:30
  The Bronx.
• 2:31
  Yeah, exactly. Vegas is just, it's a melting pot.
• 2:35
  They come from all over the world. And so you get this vibe
• 2:40
  where you fit in wherever you go. It's weird.
• 2:45
  Yeah.
• 2:45
  I don't know how to explain it.
• 2:45
  It almost sounds like a good thing, right?
• 2:47
  It is. You become a chameleon in a way.
• 2:50
  Yeah.
• 2:50
  But you can lose yourself in that as well.
• 2:53
  Ooh, that makes sense.
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  Forget who you are.
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  You can get lost easily.
• 2:56
  Yeah, 100%.
• 2:57
  Interesting.
• 2:58
  Yeah. You lose yourself pretty quickly.
• 3:00
  Huh.
• 3:03
  So that's kind of where I can go with that, too.
• 3:06
  One of the reasons I had to move here is because I deeply lost myself.
• 3:09
  Wow.
• 3:10
  Yeah.
• 3:11
  What age was that?
• 3:12
  Well, if you want to go further, you can go deep.
• 3:16
  When I was about five years old-
• 3:18
  Yeah
• 3:18
  ... we moved to Vegas from the Inland Empire, from Ontario. Moved to Vegas.
• 3:23
  Canada.
• 3:23
  No. No, California, girl.
• 3:25
  What? I'm sorry.
• 3:26
  No.
• 3:28
  Canada.
• 3:30
  I'm about two or three shades too dark.
• 3:32
  Tandy.
• 3:34
  Stereo. Okay, sorry.
• 3:36
  No, Ontario.
• 3:37
  California.
• 3:37
  But California.
• 3:38
  Okay, go ahead.
• 3:40
  We moved to Vegas when I was about five years old, and it was a different place
• 3:44
  back then. It was very family-oriented.
• 3:48
  And-
• 3:49
  This is in the burbs, right?
• 3:50
  Yeah, Henderson.
• 3:51
  Yeah.
• 3:51
  So we lived in Henderson.
• 3:52
  Okay.
• 3:53
  Yeah, and it was beautiful. The start off was beautiful.
• 3:57
  Right away, obviously things have changed over time, the duration of time, where it
• 4:02
  became more in your face-
• 4:05
  Mm-hmm
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  ... whether it's sex-
• 4:07
  Yeah
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  ... drugs, alcohol, rock and roll, all that stuff.
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  Very industry.
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  Very industry.
• 4:11
  Yeah.
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  Quite frankly, I grew up really quick.
• 4:16
  Mm-hmm.
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  I had to.
• 4:17
  Mm-hmm.
• 4:18
  So we can kind of go into it.
• 4:21
  Yeah. Sure.
• 4:21
  When I was five or six years old,
• 4:26
  I was molested. And right there, that kind of changed everything as well.
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  Made me grow up very quick. My entry to sex,
• 4:39
  it wasn't real.
• 4:42
  Mm-hmm.
• 4:45
  I believe that sex, there's a connection, there's intimacy there.
• 4:49
  Right.
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  I had none of that.
• 4:50
  Right.
• 4:51
  So it was taken from me. My innocence was gone right then and there.
• 4:54
  Yes.
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  So living in Vegas, experiencing Vegas at the same time was very
• 5:00
  fake.
• 5:01
  Wow. Yeah, no, totally.
• 5:03
  So there's a dynamic there. It's hard to understand.
• 5:07
  I'm still trying to understand it.
• 5:08
  Yeah.
• 5:09
  Me being here was kind of my first step into
• 5:14
  understanding and getting it out there and trying to just throwing it out there.
• 5:19
  Thanks for sharing that.
• 5:21
  Yeah.
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  It takes a lot of courage, and that's a huge thing. It's horrible, horrific.
• 5:26
  It is.
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  And just sharing it out loud is going to help a lot of people because they
• 5:33
  are also too scared to even say it, and you can't get help if you can't even get
• 5:38
  that far-
• 5:39
  Yeah
• 5:39
  ... to process it.
• 5:42
  I hope in some way there's a liberation of just getting it off of your chest.
• 5:47
  Yeah. I don't think I've ever said that in public.
• 5:51
  Thank you for sharing.
• 5:51
  It's something that you hold dear, you hold to your chest and you try to man it
• 5:56
  out, right? And try to-
• 5:57
  Yeah
• 5:58
  ... soldier it out.
• 5:58
  But it happened to you. Like, you were a victim of it.
• 6:01
  Right. You know what, doctor? Lately, it
• 6:05
  did happen to me, right?
• 6:07
  Yeah.
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  And I can either claim that, right?
• 6:08
  I can accept that-
• 6:09
  Yeah
• 6:09
  ... and it happened to me.
• 6:10
  Yes.
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  Or did it happen for me?
• 6:12
  Yeah.
• 6:13
  Did it happen for me?
• 6:14
  Yeah.
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  Because ultimately there are-
• 6:16
  It shifted who you were-
• 6:18
  It shifted completely, 100%
• 6:19
  ... that point forward.
• 6:20
  I have a better understanding of what sex is-
• 6:24
  Yeah
• 6:24
  ... what love looks like-
• 6:25
  Yes
• 6:26
  ... what it should be-
• 6:27
  Yes
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  ...
• 6:28
  than most do.
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  And the power of it.
• 6:31
  Oh yeah, absolutely.
• 6:34
  Man.
• 6:37
  Plus, I get to connect with people-
• 6:39
  Yes
• 6:39
  ... in a different way.
• 6:41
  Yes.
• 6:43
  Just me being here allows me to understand how I feel, my thoughts, my
• 6:48
  processes, my traumas.
• 6:50
  Yes.
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  But I get to explore that with other people and see what they're going through.
• 6:55
  Yes.
• 6:55
  It kind of makes me better at my job, too.
• 6:58
  Yes.
• 6:59
  I'm a hospice liaison.
• 7:02
  Yes.
• 7:03
  Dealing with death and dying.
• 7:05
  Which is terrible.
• 7:05
  People come from
• 7:08
  different avenues of life, backgrounds-
• 7:11
  Yeah
• 7:12
  ... and they have different experiences themselves, especially here in Kern County.
• 7:15
  Yes. We have a lot of, I would say, a high incidence of that human
• 7:21
  trafficking.
• 7:23
  Absolutely.
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  Children being trafficked. Something about our location geographically just makes
• 7:28
  it a high-
• 7:29
  Yeah. Absolutely. I wouldn't call us the armpit of California, but we're-
• 7:33
  We are the armpit of California
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  ... the armpit all the way down.
• 7:37
  Not all good things come from the armpit, okay?
• 7:40
  Right. No, there's definitely good things.
• 7:41
  There's good things, but sometimes there's not good things.
• 7:44
  Right.
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  Sometimes it stinks a little bit.
• 7:46
  Right.
• 7:48
  Yeah, no. I get to experience that with people on the daily,
• 7:53
  the traumas and the, I don't want to call it setbacks, but
• 8:00
  the things that put them in the scenarios that they are in.
• 8:04
  Death doesn't
• 8:08
  discriminate.
• 8:09
  It doesn't, which is just wild. We lose really good people, and it seems so messed
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  up, like why would this person be removed from this earth?
• 8:18
  Right.
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  And then other people that are just horrible humans-
• 8:22
  Exactly
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  ... they look like they're just cheating death.
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  Like how is that person still alive? They're horrible.
• 8:27
  Right.
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  They should be dead.
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  They're dead.
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  Like actually, I'm fine saying it.
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  100%.
• 8:32
  There's bad people.
• 8:33
  Oh, absolutely.
• 8:34
  What's the point of them?
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  I'm starting to learn, too, more and more,
• 8:41
  as life goes on and I have more experience with death and dying in hospice and just
• 8:47
  people in general.
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  I don't think
• 8:53
  we originate bad. We don't come out as bad people.
• 8:57
  Yeah.
• 8:57
  Those are all learned experiences.
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  At some point, you end up with a perversion or some deviant-
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  100%
• 9:06
  ... something happens.
• 9:07
  Absolutely. And I think getting down to that, if we talk more like this-
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  Yeah
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  If we communicate more, we open ourselves up to that conversation,
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  things would get better, just a little bit.
• 9:23
  I hope so.
• 9:24
  You know?
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  It's bad out there.
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  As corny as that sounds,
• 9:29
  I really truly believe that conversation sparks a lot of different things.
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  It does.
• 9:33
  You know?
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  Having things come into awareness, and you're looking at it, it's in your view,
• 9:38
  your vantage point, you can then fix it.
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  It's the things that are in your subconscious, the things that we can't see.
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  Like we don't have eyes at the back of our head.
• 9:45
  Right.
• 9:46
  Why are they just in the front? It's so annoying.
• 9:49
  Right.
• 9:50
  You ever thought about that?
• 9:50
  Right. No. My dad has always said, he always told me that there's a reason the
• 9:56
  windshield is bigger than the mirror.
• 9:58
  Hmm.
• 9:59
  You know?
• 10:00
  I like it.
• 10:01
  We got to see what's in front of us, right?
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  And what's behind us-
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  Looking back there
• 10:06
  ... all right, but who's looking back there?
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  Who's got my six?
• 10:07
  Who's got... Right.
• 10:08
  No, because it is-
• 10:09
  Yeah
• 10:10
  ... there's a lot of bad.
• 10:11
  You can't control what's going on behind you or in the past, right?
• 10:14
  Yeah.
• 10:15
  And you just, you got to look at the future, keep moving forward.
• 10:21
  But as far as my life in Vegas, going back to that-
• 10:26
  Mm-hmm
• 10:26
  ... I grew up
• 10:29
  with a lot of pressure,
• 10:32
  knowing that I was the firstborn in both sides of my generations-
• 10:35
  Mm-hmm
• 10:35
  ... both sides of the family rather. And I'm also the third Marcus John Garcia III.
• 10:41
  Yeah.
• 10:41
  So I was Marcus John-
• 10:41
  It's a big name.
• 10:42
  Yeah. So it's a name, right?
• 10:44
  Yeah.
• 10:44
  It's just a name. But there's, I grew up with two very strong men.
• 10:49
  Yeah.
• 10:49
  My grandfather was a Vietnam Vet-
• 10:52
  Mm-hmm
• 10:52
  ... very decorated.
• 10:54
  They did not talk about their feelings then.
• 10:56
  No. And he's old school Mexican, so
• 11:00
  My dad's old school Italian.
• 11:02
  Yeah. They don't talk about it.
• 11:03
  Also a Vet. Yeah. They don't talk about it. They bury things.
• 11:05
  It's like feelings, emotions?
• 11:09
  What are you talking about?
• 11:10
  Go, go, go, go, go. Get out of here.
• 11:13
  Your face changes.
• 11:14
  Yeah.
• 11:14
  Right? Like, "What did you just say?"
• 11:18
  You feel what? Yeah. So, and then my father was very stable.
• 11:23
  My father was
• 11:28
  so... It was like something you couldn't grasp.
• 11:31
  Yeah.
• 11:32
  And that's where I felt a lot of the pressure.
• 11:35
  Like a solid person.
• 11:36
  Yeah.
• 11:37
  Can't shake him.
• 11:37
  Yeah. Can't shake him.
• 11:38
  Fears nothing.
• 11:39
  Nothing. Looks at things, and he's just like-
• 11:43
  Don't worry about it
• 11:43
  ... stable.
• 11:46
  Nothing.
• 11:46
  He sounds like he has swag.
• 11:48
  He does. Well, no, he's just, he's very, I don't want to call him stoic, but he's
• 11:51
  very-
• 11:52
  Yeah
• 11:52
  ... emotionless in his actions.
• 11:54
  Oh, got it. Yeah.
• 11:55
  And he can, when conflict hits him, he either has one of two ways.
• 12:00
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:00
  He only knows, okay, I'm going to sit back and I'm going to
• 12:04
  really listen-
• 12:05
  Yes
• 12:05
  ... or I'm going to go through this thing and hit it hard, old school Mexican.
• 12:10
  Man, that was the generation.
• 12:11
  Just, yeah, that's it. Go straight in.
• 12:13
  Yeah.
• 12:13
  You don't ask questions.
• 12:15
  Yeah.
• 12:15
  You don't talk.
• 12:16
  Yes.
• 12:16
  You just do it.
• 12:17
  Yeah.
• 12:18
  So very stable man.
• 12:20
  Yeah.
• 12:20
  And I grew up with a very strong woman in my life, my mom.
• 12:22
  Yeah.
• 12:23
  My mom was very strong.
• 12:24
  Yeah.
• 12:24
  She was raised by a
• 12:27
  wonderful woman as well. But her grandmother
• 12:32
  raised eight children by herself.
• 12:34
  Oh, my goodness gracious.
• 12:35
  So
• 12:36
  I would just not be the strong woman in us.
• 12:39
  I'd be like, " I am just, this is too many children.
• 12:43
  I lost a few."
• 12:44
  Right.
• 12:44
  I would lose a few.
• 12:45
  Right. It's, and that's-
• 12:48
  Eight children.
• 12:49
  Eight children. Eight children by herself.
• 12:50
  And-
• 12:50
  What's your name again?
• 12:51
  Right. Exactly. I'm like-
• 12:53
  That's hard
• 12:54
  ... how do you even process that on a daily? I could, there's no way.
• 12:58
  I just, I have two of my own, and I'm like-
• 13:01
  Feeding everybody. It's not like you just fed them, and then you forget.
• 13:04
  Tortillas and beans go a long way.
• 13:09
  That sounds great.
• 13:11
  Yeah. They do. They really do. But, yeah, so I come from
• 13:17
  both, like my dad, very ma- the family's very masculine.
• 13:20
  Yeah.
• 13:20
  And then my mom's family is very feminine.
• 13:22
  Yeah.
• 13:22
  And then you throw that all together, it's a melting pot of chaos, and-
• 13:27
  Yeah
• 13:27
  ... you get something like me.
• 13:28
  Yeah.
• 13:29
  Where
• 13:32
  ...
• 13:32
  Yeah.
• 13:33
  It's, I'm very balanced, but I have better conversations with women.
• 13:39
  Yeah.
• 13:40
  But I have-
• 13:40
  Why do you think?
• 13:44
  They're just more interesting to me.
• 13:45
  Yeah.
• 13:45
  They're intriguing to me. A woman's mind is more beautiful to me than having a
• 13:49
  conversation about football or baseball or-
• 13:51
  Yeah.
• 13:51
  You know what I mean?
• 13:52
  Yeah.
• 13:52
  I want to know what a woman's thinking. It's hard.
• 13:55
  It's like, you-
• 13:56
  Interesting. Those guys do not want to know-
• 13:58
  No
• 13:58
  ... what a woman is thinking.
• 14:00
  No.
• 14:00
  You do not.
• 14:01
  I-
• 14:02
  Ooh
• 14:03
  ... I have better conversations with women, always have.
• 14:07
  Yeah.
• 14:08
  While everybody's in, like all the guys in the backyard barbecuing and doing their
• 14:12
  thing, I'm with, I was like-
• 14:13
  Yeah
• 14:13
  ... in the house with, like the women-
• 14:15
  Yeah
• 14:16
  ... listening to their conversations.
• 14:17
  Yes.
• 14:20
  I was, I don't know, I don't care what you want, but that's just what it was.
• 14:23
  Yeah.
• 14:24
  And, in that,
• 14:26
  you see a lot of
• 14:32
  sensitivity with me.
• 14:33
  Yeah.
• 14:34
  I'm very emotional. I wasn't really allowed to cry as a kid, and that's just a
• 14:38
  Mexican thing, too.
• 14:39
  It is. Yeah.
• 14:40
  Um-
• 14:40
  Like son jeters.
• 14:41
  Like son jeters. Yeah.
• 14:42
  Yeah.
• 14:42
  I wasn't really allowed to cry. I had a great childhood. Don't get me wrong.
• 14:45
  Mm.
• 14:45
  I had a beautiful childhood.
• 14:47
  Yeah.
• 14:47
  Played a lot of football, played, I was out all the time with friends.
• 14:51
  Yeah.
• 14:51
  I had really good friends, really good childhood, really good cousins, family,
• 14:54
  everything.
• 14:55
  Yeah.
• 14:55
  It was awesome.
• 14:55
  Yeah.
• 14:56
  But when it came to emotion, wasn't allowed to show it.
• 14:59
  Yeah.
• 14:59
  So now that I understand, now it's like I'm watching "The Notebook" and I'm like,
• 15:05
  "Oh, this-"
• 15:05
  It's just beautiful. It is beautiful.
• 15:10
  Exactly. It's beautiful.
• 15:10
  It really is. It really-
• 15:11
  Like I want it to be real.
• 15:12
  Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And it's, I'm very-
• 15:15
  Yeah
• 15:15
  ... Disneyland, very fantasy when it comes to-
• 15:18
  But I love that
• 15:19
  ... when it comes to like love.
• 15:20
  Yeah.
• 15:20
  I believe in love at first sight.
• 15:22
  When did you know that about you?
• 15:24
  I've known that for a long time.
• 15:26
  Like that's a romantic-
• 15:27
  Yeah, very much so
• 15:28
  ... so you're romantic, and you enjoy like romanticizing the day, the relationship-
• 15:32
  Oh, yeah
• 15:32
  ... the conversation.
• 15:33
  Yeah. I
• 15:35
  truly believe in intimacy.
• 15:36
  Yeah.
• 15:36
  And intimacy is not physical.
• 15:38
  Yeah.
• 15:38
  Intimacy is depth.
• 15:40
  Yeah.
• 15:41
  I want to connect with you on a deeper, deeper level.
• 15:44
  Yeah.
• 15:45
  And it's a spiritual thing.
• 15:47
  It is a spiritual thing.
• 15:48
  Yeah.
• 15:48
  I like that you went there.
• 15:50
  Yeah. It truly is.
• 15:51
  It transcends just the content of the conversation or-
• 15:57
  Yeah
• 15:57
  ... it's just, yeah, there's depth to it.
• 15:59
  Yeah. Absolutely, and it takes a lot of trust-
• 16:02
  Yes
• 16:03
  ... in that, which is very difficult for me to do.
• 16:07
  Ooh.
• 16:08
  It's because of the trauma that came along with the ugliness when I was a kid.
• 16:14
  Interesting.
• 16:14
  So I want that so bad. I-
• 16:16
  Wait, so do you hold back in relationships because-
• 16:19
  Yes. Oh, walls are everywhere.
• 16:21
  Interesting.
• 16:21
  And to be honest with you, it's, I, if I ever, if I get into someone-
• 16:27
  Yeah
• 16:28
  ... well, just recently, I'll just throw it out there.
• 16:30
  I was in one relationship just recently, and I just threw walls.
• 16:35
  Yeah.
• 16:36
  I didn't let her fully in.
• 16:37
  Yeah.
• 16:37
  And I didn't understand it. I totally destroyed the relationship because I didn't
• 16:41
  let her in.
• 16:41
  Because you knew this was like a good person-
• 16:43
  Yeah. Oh, yeah
• 16:43
  ... you had feelings for them, but you're just like, "You get to stay right here."
• 16:46
  Yeah.
• 16:46
  And I can't-
• 16:47
  Yeah. And as soon as it looks like it was going to-
• 16:50
  Progressing
• 16:51
  ... progressing-
• 16:52
  Yeah
• 16:52
  ... and my walls are going to go, I'll go out and destroy it-
• 16:55
  Yeah
• 16:55
  ... with my words or-
• 16:57
  Yeah
• 16:57
  ... how I act or-
• 16:58
  Yeah
• 16:59
  ... it could be anything. I just-
• 17:01
  Yeah
• 17:01
  ... I'll try to destroy it.
• 17:02
  Yeah.
• 17:02
  And it's a very chaotic, like I've always had, you-
• 17:06
  Yeah
• 17:07
  ... you're going to get chaos with me from the-
• 17:08
  Oh, you lead with that.
• 17:10
  Oh, yeah. You're going to get chaos.
• 17:10
  But the women still move forward.
• 17:12
  Mm-hmm. Well, there's only been a few.
• 17:14
  I've only, I'm not, I haven't really dated like that though, either.
• 17:18
  Yeah.
• 17:19
  I've had one,
• 17:21
  been, was with the mother of my children for 12 years on and off.
• 17:25
  I didn't know you had kids.
• 17:26
  Oh, yeah. I got a... Yeah. I have, yeah, I got a, I have a 12-year-old
• 17:32
  daughter who lives with me-
• 17:34
  Okay
• 17:34
  ... full time. She needs her dad right now.
• 17:37
  Yeah.
• 17:38
  It's really important to me that she knows that she has Dad.
• 17:42
  Yes.
• 17:42
  You know?
• 17:43
  Yeah.
• 17:44
  You got that relationship, like this is how Daddy treats you.
• 17:49
  Yes.
• 17:49
  And this is how men should treat you as well.
• 17:52
  Yes.
• 17:52
  You're my baby girl, you're my princess, you're my queen.
• 17:55
  I like that you just say it because there's just something really
• 18:00
  important foundationally-
• 18:02
  Yes
• 18:02
  ... that comes from that for kids.
• 18:04
  Absolutely. I mean-
• 18:06
  I didn't realize that until I was older
• 18:08
  ... well, they spell love with time, right?
• 18:12
  Yeah.
• 18:13
  And
• 18:14
  I try to spend as much time with her. I wasn't always like that.
• 18:17
  When I was younger, when I first had, I wasn't ready for it.
• 18:19
  Yeah.
• 18:20
  I had my son. I had my son at 20 years old.
• 18:25
  Wow.
• 18:25
  I came back from college-
• 18:26
  Oh my gosh
• 18:27
  ... and the mother of my children was pregnant
• 18:30
  Wow
• 18:31
  And he's mine.
• 18:34
  Yeah.
• 18:35
  He's mine.
• 18:35
  Yeah.
• 18:35
  He's my son.
• 18:36
  Yeah.
• 18:37
  Biologically, he's not.
• 18:39
  Yeah.
• 18:40
  Blood couldn't change that, and his last name can't change that.
• 18:45
  Yeah.
• 18:45
  He's my son.
• 18:47
  Yeah.
• 18:48
  But I came back, and we're just friends.
• 18:52
  Wow.
• 18:52
  And went to the mom's classes with her.
• 18:56
  Wow. Oh my gosh.
• 18:58
  Yeah. So it was a really cool experience. I was there for the delivery.
• 19:03
  Wow.
• 19:04
  And I saw my son's eyes,
• 19:08
  and it scared me because of how much love I had at that moment-
• 19:12
  Wow
• 19:13
  ... right then and there. He was a total white kid with blue eyes and blonde hair.
• 19:17
  So,
• 19:19
  saw these baby blues open up and
• 19:23
  completely fell in love with him.
• 19:24
  Oh my gosh.
• 19:24
  And that was-- It scared me, though, because I
• 19:28
  wanted so badly to be a dad-
• 19:30
  Yeah
• 19:30
  ... because I wanted to
• 19:33
  be like my father.
• 19:35
  Yeah.
• 19:35
  And I tried to compare myself to my dad this whole time.
• 19:38
  Yeah.
• 19:38
  I was like: Am I doing a good enough job? Because my dad was a great dad.
• 19:41
  Yeah.
• 19:43
  Great mom, great dad. But my dad was just like-- You look at someone, and you're
• 19:47
  just like: I want to be like that guy.
• 19:49
  That's awesome that you had that thought.
• 19:51
  A lot of people don't get to have that thought.
• 19:53
  You're right. I'm very blessed that way.
• 19:55
  Yeah.
• 19:57
  But it was hard because you don't know how to do that.
• 20:01
  Yeah.
• 20:02
  You would try to imitate that, but you can't-
• 20:04
  I understand that
• 20:04
  ... because you're not him.
• 20:05
  Yeah.
• 20:06
  I'm not him.
• 20:06
  Yeah.
• 20:07
  We have different lives, different experiences, different traumas.
• 20:10
  Yes.
• 20:11
  And I wouldn't know because he would never express it to me.
• 20:15
  Is that frustrating?
• 20:16
  Yeah, so-
• 20:17
  Yeah
• 20:17
  ... I'm trying to be something that I have no clue about.
• 20:20
  So you're just like an actor.
• 20:22
  Yeah. I'm like, "Do the part."
• 20:23
  I think this looks like how it looks.
• 20:26
  Yeah. And in that, I would lose myself, yeah.
• 20:29
  I would just keep losing myself because I would try to imitate.
• 20:32
  Yeah.
• 20:32
  Imitate, imitate, imitate.
• 20:33
  Yeah.
• 20:33
  And I would fake it till I make it.
• 20:35
  Yeah.
• 20:35
  And it didn't make it, it just didn't work.
• 20:37
  So early on,
• 20:41
  I wasn't the greatest dad. I wanted to be, couldn't be.
• 20:45
  Time-wise, wasn't-
• 20:46
  Time
• 20:46
  ... there to dedicate, or?
• 20:47
  Yeah, I was young.
• 20:49
  Yeah.
• 20:50
  In Vegas.
• 20:51
  Yeah.
• 20:52
  20, 21 years old, freshly.
• 20:54
  Yeah.
• 20:54
  So guess where I was? I was at the bar, at the clubs-
• 20:57
  Having a really good time-
• 20:59
  ... at the pool
• 20:59
  ... at really fancy places.
• 21:00
  Yes.
• 21:01
  Great pool.
• 21:02
  Yeah.
• 21:02
  I've heard about it.
• 21:04
  Yeah. So I entered that world, and it was a very long
• 21:10
  road.
• 21:10
  Yeah.
• 21:11
  A very long road. Because you go to Vegas, and anybody can go to Vegas and lose
• 21:16
  their life.
• 21:17
  Yeah.
• 21:18
  Lose everything that they have.
• 21:19
  Yeah.
• 21:19
  We've seen it over and over and over again.
• 21:21
  Yeah.
• 21:22
  And if you go there with the right intentions, you're a goner.
• 21:26
  It eats you alive.
• 21:27
  Mm-hmm.
• 21:28
  Yeah, I could see.
• 21:30
  Yeah.
• 21:32
  That was your 20s, right?
• 21:34
  Mm-hmm.
• 21:36
  In my 20s, I feel like, I don't know, I didn't really get to do my living it up.
• 21:42
  This path to medicine, it's consumed me.
• 21:46
  So I didn't know I wanted to be a doctor really until I was about 23.
• 21:51
  So that's pretty early on.
• 21:53
  Yeah.
• 21:53
  So at that point, I was pre-med, but at 21, I had done a two-year-- I graduated
• 21:59
  with a radiology-
• 22:00
  Oh, wow
• 22:00
  ... degree. So I was a professional at that point.
• 22:04
  And so I didn't do the totally go wild.
• 22:09
  I had fun moments. We party after a block exam.
• 22:14
  Right.
• 22:16
  But really, I wanted to experience life. I really did.
• 22:22
  Yeah.
• 22:22
  I wanted to-
• 22:23
  Did you ever get that? Did you ever get to just-
• 22:26
  They're lame. You would be like...
• 22:28
  No, I'm sure they're not.
• 22:29
  I don't know.
• 22:30
  I'm sure they're not.
• 22:32
  Yeah, I have some regrettable moments.
• 22:33
  Yeah.
• 22:34
  Some things I don't remember, right?
• 22:36
  If that is a-
• 22:37
  I think we all got them. Yeah, I think we all got them.
• 22:39
  Yeah. But it's like, I don't know.
• 22:42
  Yeah.
• 22:43
  Now I'm just starting to-
• 22:45
  Yeah
• 22:46
  ... live a little bit.
• 22:47
  I love that, yeah.
• 22:49
  And I want to travel. I want to just do everything.
• 22:53
  Right.
• 22:53
  But then I also got to work.
• 22:55
  Yeah. I'm so sorry about that.
• 22:56
  No, you're fine.
• 22:57
  This-
• 22:58
  Is it your mom? You should answer.
• 22:59
  No, it's admissions at a facility, and I'm trying not to... I'm so sorry.
• 23:06
  Yeah, sorry.
• 23:06
  If you're going to miss a paycheck, you answer-
• 23:08
  No
• 23:08
  ... a financial check.
• 23:08
  No, but we've already-- It was-
• 23:10
  Okay. I don't mind.
• 23:11
  No, we're good.
• 23:13
  We're good.
• 23:16
  So where were we at? I trail off.
• 23:18
  Well, Vegas, losing yourself. Really.
• 23:20
  Yeah. So yeah, I lost myself a little bit. Found myself, lost myself.
• 23:25
  My daughter came, and when my daughter came, there's a sense of
• 23:33
  now my world's shifted completely. I wanted a girl.
• 23:36
  Wow.
• 23:37
  I wanted a girl. I was like, "This is the only thing that's going to slow me down,
• 23:40
  smack me in the face, and-
• 23:41
  I love it
• 23:42
  ... maybe go up."
• 23:43
  Yeah. Did it?
• 23:45
  You would think it would.
• 23:46
  Are you grown?
• 23:47
  No.
• 23:48
  I'm not.
• 23:50
  No.
• 23:51
  It looks hard to be grown up.
• 23:52
  I didn't start really shifting until recently.
• 23:57
  Yeah.
• 23:59
  It's taken me a lot of love
• 24:02
  for my daughter, a lot of love for my parents.
• 24:06
  Excuse me.
• 24:08
  I'm sorry.
• 24:08
  No, you're fine.
• 24:09
  Come on. How do you turn this thing off?
• 24:14
  Oops.
• 24:16
  Crap.
• 24:19
  I thought I turned it off. There we go.
• 24:20
  It's okay.
• 24:23
  So yeah, no, a lot of love that I
• 24:29
  didn't see was being given to me.
• 24:31
  Mm-hmm.
• 24:33
  During that time, I found myself doing a lot of blow.
• 24:36
  Mm-hmm.
• 24:36
  A lot of alcohol, a lot of ecstasy.
• 24:40
  Yep.
• 24:41
  Found myself to the point when COVID rolls around, I was doing-- Coke got really
• 24:46
  expensive.
• 24:46
  Mm.
• 24:48
  And guess what I moved to?
• 24:50
  Bakersfield?
• 24:51
  No.
• 24:52
  Where?
• 24:52
  No, I moved-- No, I'm talking about the substance there.
• 24:55
  Oh, okay. No.
• 24:56
  Yeah, so I moved to meth.
• 24:59
  Okay.
• 25:01
  Which brought something-
• 25:02
  Is that a better price point?
• 25:04
  Oh, yeah.
• 25:05
  I'm sorry. I have to ask the question. It's for some of your viewers.
• 25:11
  Yeah.
• 25:11
  No, seriously.
• 25:12
  Yeah, no.
• 25:12
  But yeah.
• 25:13
  It's the truth. A lot of people do that because, especially during that time, we
• 25:16
  were bored-
• 25:17
  Yeah
• 25:18
  ... out of our minds, and-
• 25:19
  Yeah
• 25:19
  ... especially in a place like Vegas, where Vegas went from people everywhere-
• 25:23
  Yeah
• 25:24
  ... to ghost town.
• 25:25
  Oh my gosh.
• 25:25
  No one was outside, so we're in lockdown.
• 25:27
  And what are you going to do, but you know
• 25:30
  Party.
• 25:30
  Let's party.
• 25:31
  Yeah.
• 25:32
  Where people were actually making money, I was like just, "Ugh,
• 25:37
  let's just do it," whatever.
• 25:37
  Yeah.
• 25:38
  So I moved over to meth, and
• 25:42
  that opened a lot of doors. Doors that I would've never opened before.
• 25:48
  Emotional?
• 25:49
  Emotional-
• 25:50
  Yeah
• 25:50
  ... mental,
• 25:52
  physical.
• 25:53
  Yeah.
• 25:55
  You know?
• 25:55
  You look very fit.
• 25:56
  Yeah.
• 25:56
  It doesn't look like it physically impacted.
• 25:59
  Well, it's everywhere.
• 26:04
  Yeah.
• 26:04
  And there's a lot more people doing things than you'd think.
• 26:07
  Yeah.
• 26:07
  I'm not trying to throw anybody under the table-
• 26:11
  Yeah
• 26:11
  ... or anything. But yeah, I did a lot of that partying. I did a lot of that stuff.
• 26:16
  Did you get really thin? Was there weight loss?
• 26:18
  At one point, I did. I lost, oh my gosh, I went from 260 to
• 26:23
  170, 165 soaking wet.
• 26:27
  What are you right now? Like 1-
• 26:28
  Right now I'm 198.
• 26:30
  80.
• 26:30
  Actually, I got done with the show about 15 weeks ago.
• 26:32
  Oh, that's awesome.
• 26:33
  Yeah, so did the show on sixth second.
• 26:35
  Okay.
• 26:35
  And so now-
• 26:37
  Good job
• 26:37
  ... I'm on the reverse right now.
• 26:38
  No, that's good.
• 26:39
  Yeah.
• 26:40
  Yeah.
• 26:40
  So I'm putting size on right now, but it's-
• 26:42
  What division was it?
• 26:43
  I did Classic Physique.
• 26:46
  Okay.
• 26:46
  The Classic Physique, the division A, I think it was. Yeah.
• 26:49
  Okay.
• 26:51
  So, or class A or something like that, yeah.
• 26:54
  So I've been-- Maybe I can go into that, too.
• 26:57
  Yeah. No, I would love to hear-
• 26:59
  Yeah
• 26:59
  ... about how you prepped and all of that stuff separately.
• 27:01
  Yeah. Oh, yeah.
• 27:02
  People often ask-
• 27:03
  Yeah
• 27:03
  ... and they're hurting themselves doing it.
• 27:06
  Yeah. Oh, yeah.
• 27:06
  And there's so many healthy ways to do it.
• 27:09
  Get a coach, guys. Get a coach.
• 27:11
  Please.
• 27:12
  It's so easy.
• 27:14
  Absolutely.
• 27:14
  Right? Don't die doing it.
• 27:16
  Yeah.
• 27:17
  We've got you.
• 27:19
  Right. So going back to
• 27:24
  that trauma, obviously-
• 27:25
  Yeah
• 27:26
  ... I was doing that bad stuff, doing the stuff, and I can't really call it bad
• 27:31
  anymore because it brought me to a lot of surfacing feelings and surfacing things
• 27:37
  that were just there.
• 27:37
  Which is awesome. It's like however you get broken down to where you're at a space
• 27:43
  to see it-
• 27:44
  Yeah
• 27:44
  ... and you're ready to fix it-
• 27:46
  Mm-hmm
• 27:46
  ... I think that's badass.
• 27:47
  100%.
• 27:50
  Because of the confusion with how I was
• 27:57
  What happened to me when I was a kid-
• 27:58
  Mm-hmm
• 27:59
  ...
• 28:01
  I opened myself up to homosexuality.
• 28:04
  Mm-hmm.
• 28:05
  And, I did a lot of things that I would have never thought I would've done.
• 28:10
  Yeah.
• 28:11
  Some of it was upsetting.
• 28:12
  Was that transactional or-
• 28:16
  No.
• 28:16
  Okay.
• 28:16
  No.
• 28:17
  No, I mean-
• 28:18
  No, you're right though.
• 28:19
  Yeah.
• 28:19
  No, nothing like that. You get so confused and you get so erotic on it-
• 28:26
  Yeah
• 28:26
  ... that you-
• 28:27
  That makes perfect sense
• 28:27
  ... you're just like, "Okay, I'm just-
• 28:30
  Yes
• 28:30
  ... going to go with it, whatever."
• 28:31
  Yeah.
• 28:33
  Not necessarily even thinking twice about what you're putting in your body, how-
• 28:38
  Yes
• 28:38
  ... who you're with.
• 28:39
  Yes.
• 28:40
  How you-
• 28:40
  Your self-love is just gone.
• 28:42
  Gone.
• 28:43
  Yes.
• 28:43
  Gone.
• 28:44
  And you didn't like yourself like that.
• 28:45
  No, at that point, I didn't. I was just so disappointed.
• 28:48
  Like whoever you were.
• 28:49
  Yeah.
• 28:50
  Yeah. It wasn't you.
• 28:51
  No, not at all.
• 28:52
  Disconnected from who you were.
• 28:53
  100%.
• 28:54
  Yeah.
• 28:54
  And that's a lot of times you're trying to escape, right?
• 28:58
  You're trying to escape to something.
• 29:00
  Yeah.
• 29:00
  Something that's there, and that gave me that escape.
• 29:02
  Yeah.
• 29:03
  You're never addicted to the drug, you're never wanting the drug, you're wanting
• 29:07
  the escape.
• 29:08
  Interesting.
• 29:09
  Um-
• 29:09
  I've never heard it described like that. I like that. Yeah, no, it's covering pain.
• 29:13
  Mm-hmm. Covering pain that's there.
• 29:15
  Yeah.
• 29:16
  I started to like the chaos that came along with it, too. That was the scary part.
• 29:21
  Hmm.
• 29:22
  Um-
• 29:23
  Like you were addicted to the chaos, too.
• 29:25
  The disturbia.
• 29:27
  Interesting. I wonder if I have a little bit of that.
• 29:30
  You know what, probably. I think all of us have a little bit of that, honestly.
• 29:35
  I will admit it. Yeah.
• 29:36
  Because especially in the field that we're in-
• 29:38
  Yeah
• 29:39
  ... we deal with patients that are in need, and it's constant.
• 29:43
  Constant.
• 29:44
  Constant, constant, constant.
• 29:45
  And suffering.
• 29:46
  It's going every day.
• 29:48
  Yes.
• 29:48
  And then we work out, and then we do this, and then we do that.
• 29:51
  Yeah.
• 29:51
  It's back to back to back to back to back.
• 29:53
  Yeah.
• 29:54
  And there's no
• 29:57
  something that's hard.
• 29:58
  Sitting still.
• 29:58
  It's very-
• 29:58
  And quiet.
• 29:59
  Yeah.
• 29:59
  Forget it.
• 30:02
  So-
• 30:03
  Ooh. Okay, I'll self-reflect. I'm right here to grow.
• 30:09
  Yeah.
• 30:09
  If that is partly right.
• 30:11
  Yeah, we want the chaos, we want the suffering, we want that.
• 30:16
  Huh.
• 30:16
  We want that little thing that-
• 30:17
  Yeah
• 30:18
  ... gives us that edge and that like-
• 30:19
  It's dopamine.
• 30:20
  Mm-hmm, dopamine release always.
• 30:22
  Yeah.
• 30:22
  Serotonin, let's do it.
• 30:23
  Yeah.
• 30:24
  I want all of it.
• 30:24
  I don't like being bored.
• 30:26
  No.
• 30:27
  I feel allergic to boredom.
• 30:31
  That's real.
• 30:32
  Ooh.
• 30:32
  The boredom-ness is where the ugliness comes from.
• 30:36
  Oh, man.
• 30:37
  You get bored with yourself, and you're like, "I got to sit with myself right now?"
• 30:40
  I don't sit well with myself.
• 30:42
  "I got to sit and I got to understand how I think? I'm thinking right now.
• 30:47
  Am I-"
• 30:47
  Yeah.
• 30:48
  "Am I thinking too loud?"
• 30:50
  Yeah, no, and then I turn to the creating of things-
• 30:54
  Yeah
• 30:54
  ... which is in a sense, it feels like art.
• 30:57
  Mm-hmm.
• 30:57
  I enjoy making businesses, but it does-
• 31:00
  Yeah
• 31:01
  ... mean more people are invited into my world.
• 31:03
  Yeah.
• 31:04
  More processes, more demands on my list, more things to do, more moving parts, more
• 31:09
  chaos.
• 31:09
  Yeah. And that's-
• 31:12
  Damn. Okay.
• 31:15
  Okay.
• 31:17
  Yeah, that's exactly right. This is why we do what we do.
• 31:20
  Yeah.
• 31:21
  And
• 31:24
  I learned that that chaos is what builds us.
• 31:27
  It makes great entrepreneurs, it makes great leaders, if you know how to control
• 31:32
  it.
• 31:33
  Channeling-
• 31:33
  Channeling
• 31:33
  ... is energy-
• 31:35
  Yeah, that's all it is
• 31:35
  ... with a pressure.
• 31:37
  It's all it is.
• 31:37
  Yeah.
• 31:38
  And I feel... And one of the next points I want to get to is we drive by
• 31:44
  addicts every day.
• 31:47
  Yeah.
• 31:47
  We drive by homeless people every day.
• 31:49
  Yeah.
• 31:49
  People that are just don't have a lot, whether they had some bad luck-
• 31:53
  Yeah
• 31:53
  ... they lost everything due to substance.
• 31:55
  Yeah.
• 31:56
  Don't ever judge that person-
• 31:58
  Yeah
• 31:59
  ... because that person could be you with one decision, with one choice.
• 32:04
  Absolutely.
• 32:06
  Furthermore, that person, if pointed in the right direction, could be your
• 32:11
  boss.
• 32:12
  Yes. I agree with that. I agree with that.
• 32:17
  There's two things I've learned from this whole experience is always be kind to
• 32:22
  people.
• 32:23
  Yeah.
• 32:23
  Be kind.
• 32:24
  Yeah.
• 32:25
  Try to understand.
• 32:27
  Yeah.
• 32:27
  Communication is 80% freaking listening.
• 32:31
  Yeah.
• 32:31
  Listen.
• 32:33
  It's so hard for me as somebody who, I'm a small fish. I'm building businesses.
• 32:40
  I have a vision of what I plan to be, where I want to go, what I'm trying to build,
• 32:45
  and then everything between that space, like where I am now to where I plan to be,
• 32:51
  I have the right people to choose-
• 32:53
  Yeah
• 32:53
  ... the right processes to put in place.
• 32:56
  And when I try to take a chance on people-
• 33:02
  Yeah
• 33:02
  ... it's tough because I have a heart. I believe in kindness.
• 33:05
  But then some people, as soon as I see they're not it, I know it-
• 33:09
  Yeah
• 33:09
  ... and then I still hold onto them.
• 33:11
  It's like, am I helping them, they're helping me? It's now a weird...
• 33:14
  I had to sort that in my mind.
• 33:16
  Right.
• 33:17
  So-
• 33:17
  Well, let me ask you this. Are you relying on your own judgment or are you letting,
• 33:20
  are you...
• 33:21
  Because again, it's intimacy. Again, we're going back to intimacy a little bit-
• 33:24
  Yeah
• 33:24
  ... and communication.
• 33:25
  Yeah.
• 33:26
  There has to be some type of trust there, right?
• 33:28
  And you can't always rely on yourself, your own, you can't always
• 33:34
  rely on that.
• 33:35
  Yeah.
• 33:35
  I'm looking for a word, and I can't figure out what that word is.
• 33:40
  Do you rely on anything spiritual when it comes to that?
• 33:42
  Do you let-
• 33:42
  Yes.
• 33:43
  Yeah. Are you
• 33:45
  a faithful person?
• 33:46
  Yes, I'm a Christian. I do believe in God.
• 33:48
  Okay.
• 33:49
  But I also feel like I had to develop that because the
• 33:55
  decision-making, that quickness to say yes, no, like, "This is it, this is not it.
• 34:01
  This one is confusion. This is not what it should feel like."
• 34:05
  Right.
• 34:05
  So stepping into that judgment-
• 34:07
  Yeah
• 34:08
  ... is a learned thing.
• 34:10
  Right.
• 34:11
  I didn't start there.
• 34:12
  Right. Well, no. And I don't think any of us do.
• 34:13
  I think-
• 34:14
  It's horrible to learn it.
• 34:16
  I don't think any of us do. You can always tell-
• 34:19
  ... God's people from the fruit, right?
• 34:22
  Yes.
• 34:23
  And if they have that kindness, that love, that grace-
• 34:25
  Yeah
• 34:25
  ... the self-control, those are all fruits of the patience-
• 34:30
  Yes
• 34:30
  ... all fruit of the spirit.
• 34:31
  Yes.
• 34:32
  So walk towards that. That's kind of how I've been kind of navigating through all
• 34:38
  of this with your people, because again-
• 34:39
  Yeah
• 34:40
  ... it's like I can't trust as fast as I want to.
• 34:44
  I trust way too fast.
• 34:47
  So, okay, let's talk about it.
• 34:50
  Yeah.
• 34:50
  So it's good and bad. Both of us have walked in with different experiences, and
• 34:56
  I grew up with a very sheltered life, and I would always, like you had your
• 35:01
  arguments with your family for different things.
• 35:04
  I know I often would fight with my parents about how strict they were.
• 35:09
  Mm-hmm.
• 35:09
  Like, "I can't do anything," like classic teenager. But really, I couldn't.
• 35:13
  I could invite my friends over, that's it.
• 35:16
  And
• 35:18
  it protected-
• 35:19
  Yeah
• 35:19
  ... me from a lot of bad.
• 35:21
  Yeah.
• 35:22
  So was it too extreme? Possibly. But did it protect me from a lot of harm?
• 35:28
  It did.
• 35:28
  Oh, yeah.
• 35:29
  So,
• 35:33
  now, here, me as an adult, I see the world in such a very positive
• 35:39
  rose-colored glass way. Nobody is bad.
• 35:44
  I have been taken advantage of tremendously-
• 35:47
  Yeah
• 35:48
  ... financially in business, but it was my job to learn that.
• 35:53
  Well, that's beautiful, though. That is beautiful to be able to get taken...
• 35:59
  And hear me.
• 35:59
  Yeah.
• 36:01
  It's hard to get taken advantage of.
• 36:03
  It's hard-
• 36:04
  Easy for me.
• 36:06
  No.
• 36:06
  I was a great student.
• 36:07
  No, it's hard to get taken advantage of and still believe in people and still want
• 36:11
  to be around people.
• 36:12
  Okay, good. Yeah.
• 36:13
  Yeah. That's
• 36:15
  grace. That's the fruit of the spirit, right there.
• 36:19
  Okay. You're so right.
• 36:21
  And that's a beautiful thing.
• 36:22
  I still have love for people.
• 36:24
  Yeah.
• 36:24
  I still believe in people. I still see the good in them, but I have to remember the
• 36:29
  times that I've been bit.
• 36:30
  Yes. Oh, yeah. 100%.
• 36:32
  Right?
• 36:33
  Yeah.
• 36:33
  And that they will bite again.
• 36:34
  Forgive.
• 36:35
  Yeah.
• 36:35
  Don't forget.
• 36:36
  Yeah, no, forgive, but don't forget.
• 36:39
  Keep your sanity and keep your health.
• 36:41
  Yeah. Yeah, no, really.
• 36:43
  Yeah. That's the real stuff.
• 36:45
  Yeah.
• 36:47
  I'm sorry it happened to you a couple times.
• 36:48
  That's-
• 36:49
  No, it was, I needed to-
• 36:51
  Yeah
• 36:51
  ... because it's like you can't just... No.
• 36:55
  It's good to be innocent, okay? It is, and there's a charm to it, in a sense, but
• 37:02
  I also see where I had to learn to survive.
• 37:05
  Mm-hmm.
• 37:06
  I can't be exactly that. I have to have more, like don't show all your cards.
• 37:10
  Right.
• 37:11
  I like people very quickly.
• 37:13
  Right.
• 37:13
  I think everyone's a friend
• 37:17
  No, people want to show up to destroy you.
• 37:19
  Yeah.
• 37:20
  They actually hate your guts.
• 37:22
  Yeah.
• 37:23
  They don't want to win-
• 37:25
  Mm-hmm
• 37:25
  ... and they really want you-
• 37:27
  Yeah
• 37:27
  ... specifically to lose.
• 37:28
  Yeah. 100%.
• 37:28
  That's weird to me.
• 37:29
  Yeah.
• 37:30
  That is weird. That is like a mind F. I just don't... Mm-hmm.
• 37:36
  I'm like, "Why are you... Why?"
• 37:38
  Why? Exactly.
• 37:39
  Why do you care?
• 37:40
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 37:40
  Why aren't you building your own empire?
• 37:44
  What are you doing?
• 37:44
  You know what? Hate never... And they all come from the bottom.
• 37:48
  Yeah. Ooh.
• 37:49
  They-
• 37:49
  They so do
• 37:50
  They do not hate... You don't get any hate from the top.
• 37:53
  No.
• 37:54
  It's always coming from the bottom.
• 37:55
  Bottom feeders.
• 37:56
  And it's
• 37:58
  people that you've already passed.
• 38:00
  Yes.
• 38:01
  And people that truly they're looking up to you, that they
• 38:06
  don't want to admit it.
• 38:08
  Who knew? I had to learn that.
• 38:11
  Yeah.
• 38:12
  I had to learn the haters have elevated me more than-
• 38:14
  Yeah
• 38:14
  ... anybody that said nice things.
• 38:16
  Absolutely.
• 38:19
  It's good to have haters, means you're doing something.
• 38:21
  Yes.
• 38:21
  That's it.
• 38:22
  Yeah. You're right.
• 38:23
  And if they're trying to destroy you, it's for a reason.
• 38:26
  Means you're doing something real.
• 38:27
  Yeah.
• 38:27
  You know, that's-
• 38:28
  Yeah
• 38:29
  ... it's the enemy.
• 38:30
  I learned to find that as a compliment.
• 38:32
  Yeah. And here's the thing to it. Going even-
• 38:34
  Made me great
• 38:35
  ... going deeper, it's really not them.
• 38:37
  Yeah. It's a spiritual world.
• 38:40
  It's a war.
• 38:40
  I agree.
• 38:40
  It's a war.
• 38:41
  Yeah.
• 38:41
  And the enemy's going to do everything he can to knock you off your path.
• 38:45
  Yeah.
• 38:46
  But good thing you're a soldier.
• 38:49
  You're a soldier.
• 38:50
  Stomach like your dad.
• 38:51
  Stomach.
• 38:53
  Oh, man. So yeah. It's been one heck of a ride.
• 38:59
  Then, I had my daughter, and my daughter just made me think twice about things.
• 39:04
  It took me a while to get to the point where I
• 39:10
  just want to be a good dad.
• 39:11
  Yeah.
• 39:11
  Just be a good dad. That's period. That's all I want.
• 39:14
  That's awesome.
• 39:14
  That's it. Just be you.
• 39:15
  Yeah.
• 39:16
  Don't worry about anything else.
• 39:18
  Wow.
• 39:18
  Just be you,
• 39:21
  which you're pretty good at.
• 39:23
  Yeah.
• 39:24
  So just be-
• 39:25
  You would think it'd be easy.
• 39:28
  Yeah.
• 39:29
  Yeah.
• 39:29
  And see, it's not, though. It's the easiest, yet hardest thing to do.
• 39:35
  Yeah.
• 39:35
  Just be yourself.
• 39:36
  There was a person, Lord Elliott, he was on a podcast, and he's like, "So you
• 39:42
  struggle with being enough?"
• 39:44
  Yeah.
• 39:45
  And he's like, "You know what? You are enough."
• 39:48
  Yeah.
• 39:48
  And I was like, "You think?" Because it's
• 39:53
  hard to just imagine, wait, just me by myself? I am enough.
• 39:58
  But yeah, you're built perfectly.
• 40:00
  Mm-hmm.
• 40:00
  You're exactly you. No one else is a better you.
• 40:03
  Yeah.
• 40:04
  It's weird.
• 40:05
  Yeah.
• 40:05
  That's like a mind-blowing thing to... Yeah.
• 40:09
  No one has your fingerprint. No one has your eyes. It's you.
• 40:14
  No one has your personality, no one has your spirit.
• 40:16
  Yeah.
• 40:16
  You're a spiritual being. There's not another spiritual being in this world like
• 40:20
  yours.
• 40:21
  Right.
• 40:22
  That's cool.
• 40:22
  It's cool. And it's a great filter. It's a great filter.
• 40:26
  Yeah, for sure.
• 40:27
  Because if you're just yourself-
• 40:28
  Yeah
• 40:28
  ... and the people who are not supposed to be there, they're gone.
• 40:31
  Yeah.
• 40:34
  Because you know what? I really don't care for you.
• 40:36
  Yeah.
• 40:36
  It's awesome.
• 40:38
  Mm-hmm.
• 40:38
  Because I'm just me.
• 40:39
  Yeah. That's it.
• 40:41
  Yeah.
• 40:41
  That's it. It takes us longer sometimes. We're always looking for a validation.
• 40:45
  I know. It's so silly.
• 40:46
  And acceptance.
• 40:48
  Yeah.
• 40:48
  That acceptance part is like, I want to be... Well, it's very tribal, too.
• 40:53
  It's very primal.
• 40:55
  Ancient. Yeah, primal.
• 40:57
  I want to be part of something.
• 40:58
  Yeah.
• 40:59
  I got to connect with someone, and I'm going to-
• 41:00
  People have longed with community.
• 41:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 41:02
  So I guess it does make sense.
• 41:05
  Yeah. It's survival.
• 41:06
  Yeah. It is survival.
• 41:07
  You know? And that's okay.
• 41:09
  Yeah.
• 41:09
  But understand yourself first.
• 41:11
  Yeah.
• 41:12
  Understand who you are before you start linking up with people.
• 41:15
  And that's how I got to...
• 41:18
  Yeah.
• 41:19
  I'm still learning. We're still learning.
• 41:20
  Yes.
• 41:21
  We're always evolving.
• 41:22
  Wait, I heard
• 41:25
  this, maybe it was like a podcast or something. Oh, no, Tony Robbins. Okay.
• 41:30
  Everyone knows him. So he was talking-
• 41:32
  Yeah, everybody knows him. Yeah, Tony.
• 41:37
  It's Tony.
• 41:37
  Yeah.
• 41:38
  There was a short video that popped up, and he was talking to this kind of crowd
• 41:43
  about, you're always choosing who you are showing up as in a
• 41:49
  relationship.
• 41:50
  Mm.
• 41:51
  Because there's so many different dimensions of yourself-
• 41:54
  Yeah
• 41:54
  ... but you really get to choose.
• 41:57
  Yeah.
• 41:58
  You're bringing part of you, never all of you.
• 42:03
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 42:04
  So which part of you-
• 42:05
  You know what it reminds me of? Shrek.
• 42:07
  Oh, tell me.
• 42:10
  Because, what is he called? What is Shrek? What is that? What is he?
• 42:14
  He's like-
• 42:14
  He's an ogre
• 42:15
  ... ogre. Ogres are like cakes.
• 42:17
  Yeah.
• 42:17
  Or onions.
• 42:19
  Oh, yeah.
• 42:20
  There's a lot of layers there.
• 42:22
  Yes.
• 42:22
  Yeah, no, you're right. No one ever gets the full you.
• 42:25
  Yeah.
• 42:26
  Well,
• 42:29
  maybe.
• 42:30
  You think some people-
• 42:31
  Oh, yeah.
• 42:32
  Was it bad?
• 42:33
  Well, that's what I think what love is.
• 42:35
  Oh.
• 42:37
  I think that's what love is.
• 42:37
  How so? Tell me more.
• 42:40
  When you're able to fully,
• 42:43
  for one, understand yourself, understand the other person,
• 42:47
  I truly think I can
• 42:50
  let them completely in.
• 42:52
  Yeah.
• 42:53
  And them see everything in me. That's one of the things I've always been chasing.
• 42:56
  Yeah.
• 42:57
  Is someone to grab me by my face through the chaos.
• 42:59
  Yeah.
• 43:00
  And just lock in and just be like-
• 43:02
  Yeah
• 43:02
  ... "Hey, I see you."
• 43:03
  Yeah.
• 43:04
  "You're okay."
• 43:04
  So you haven't had a relationship-
• 43:06
  No, not like that
• 43:07
  ... like that, real.
• 43:09
  I want that.
• 43:11
  Yeah.
• 43:12
  I want that. That, to me, is like-
• 43:14
  That's the hottest
• 43:15
  ... that's it. Well, there's a certain part where, it's not gravity
• 43:21
  holding you down anymore.
• 43:22
  Yeah.
• 43:23
  If there is gravity. We're not going to go into that, but anyway.
• 43:27
  Yeah, no, it's not gravity holding me.
• 43:28
  Could use less gravity.
• 43:31
  Even though it's 29 years old.
• 43:33
  That's right.
• 43:34
  I just... Yeah.
• 43:36
  Dude, that's so crazy to have the joke about that now.
• 43:38
  It's like, "Yeah, s**t, I'm..." Yeah.
• 43:40
  Seriously. Whoever thought I would be making those jokes?
• 43:44
  I've always been too young for those jokes.
• 43:47
  Right. Yeah, it's crazy. No, yeah, that's what I want.
• 43:51
  Yeah.
• 43:51
  And I think everybody wants that. They just don't know how to approach that.
• 43:56
  There's-
• 43:57
  It's vulnerability.
• 43:58
  Yeah.
• 43:58
  That's freaking scary.
• 43:59
  But how do you get vulnerable with someone who just, it's already to the bed?
• 44:05
  Maybe put brakes on that?
• 44:07
  Yeah. Let's do that.
• 44:09
  Do it old school?
• 44:09
  Let's do that. Let's-
• 44:10
  Talk first
• 44:11
  ... let's court people.
• 44:12
  Yeah.
• 44:13
  Let's do that.
• 44:13
  Let's take it back.
• 44:17
  Let me go ask your dad if he can take you on a-
• 44:20
  Yeah, and then I'm going to drop you off at home and just say good night.
• 44:24
  Yeah. That'd be cool.
• 44:25
  That's still a thing.
• 44:26
  It is. It should be.
• 44:27
  Yeah.
• 44:27
  It should be.
• 44:30
  Yeah, so it's-
• 44:31
  So have you had a date that, recently or-
• 44:36
  Yeah
• 44:36
  ... have you tried this?
• 44:38
  Yeah.
• 44:40
  My ex now-
• 44:42
  Yeah
• 44:42
  ... it's only about a month ago. We went through the whole-
• 44:45
  Oh, this is fresh.
• 44:46
  Yeah, this is fresh.
• 44:46
  I'm so sorry.
• 44:47
  No, it's cool. No. She's a very amazing woman.
• 44:50
  Yeah.
• 44:51
  So is my, the mother of my children. They're both amazing.
• 44:52
  I think you would choose a dad.
• 44:57
  I don't do that, for sure.
• 45:00
  Yeah. No, I've chosen three dads. It's unreal.
• 45:03
  I'm married to you.
• 45:04
  Yeah.
• 45:07
  No, both of them are very amazing women.
• 45:11
  My ex-mother of my children is just an amazing mom.
• 45:19
  She's a very, very beautiful woman that
• 45:25
  knows how to inspire people if she really wants to.
• 45:28
  Mm-hmm.
• 45:29
  Knows that she... How do I say this?
• 45:33
  She can look at you and just be like, "You good?
• 45:36
  Let's go."
• 45:37
  Okay, so it sounds like there's definitely a depth and connection.
• 45:41
  Of course, because I've known her since I was 14, that one.
• 45:44
  But you've... Okay.
• 45:46
  Yeah.
• 45:46
  So what actually brings the next level into
• 45:52
  play?
• 45:53
  A lot of it was me getting in my own way.
• 45:58
  Yeah.
• 45:58
  I have to get out of my own way.
• 45:59
  You had to grow. That was a lot of years.
• 46:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 46:02
  You're probably like a, you're a different you.
• 46:04
  Oh, 100%. I am not the same person I was a year ago.
• 46:07
  Yeah.
• 46:08
  I wasn't the same person I was a month and a half ago when I was with my-
• 46:13
  Yeah
• 46:13
  ... only had two true girlfriends.
• 46:15
  Ever?
• 46:15
  Ever.
• 46:16
  Wow.
• 46:17
  Yeah. I dated in high school. Like, "Oh, we're friends." "We're friends."
• 46:23
  Yeah.
• 46:25
  Went to college, and it was just mayhem.
• 46:26
  But like mostly, yeah. Mostly just-
• 46:29
  Yeah. So just these two. That's it.
• 46:31
  Wow.
• 46:31
  I don't really-
• 46:32
  How long were those relationships?
• 46:35
  It's, oof, I almost said her name.
• 46:38
  But the mother of my children. I don't want to say her name on here.
• 46:40
  She might get mad at me.
• 46:42
  Everyone gets mad. It's okay.
• 46:45
  No. She, I was-
• 46:45
  You guys just post about it.
• 46:48
  I know. I was with her-
• 46:49
  Like, share, follow.
• 46:50
  Yeah. Right.
• 46:51
  Continue.
• 46:52
  I was with her for 12 years on and off.
• 46:54
  Okay.
• 46:56
  There was a lot of,
• 46:58
  that was a ride. They call this a rollercoaster, a carnival of rides.
• 47:03
  I do not want to ride a rollercoaster. Check that box.
• 47:08
  Yeah.
• 47:10
  Just all over the place.
• 47:11
  I'll choose a different chaos, thank you.
• 47:12
  Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
• 47:14
  Relationship chaos?
• 47:15
  Nah. I'm good. Nah, I think we loved each other very much.
• 47:19
  We just didn't know how to channel that.
• 47:21
  We didn't know how to-
• 47:23
  That's so common.
• 47:23
  Yeah. I didn't know how to love her the way she needed to be loved.
• 47:27
  Yeah.
• 47:27
  And it took a lot. I was always out. I was always taking doctors
• 47:33
  out.
• 47:34
  Yeah.
• 47:34
  I was always-
• 47:35
  It was part of your job.
• 47:36
  Yeah. But at the same time, I didn't have to do any of that.
• 47:39
  Yeah.
• 47:39
  I didn't know that I didn't have to do any of that.
• 47:42
  I didn't know that I'd have to do any of that-
• 47:43
  Yeah
• 47:43
  ... until like, recently, like truly in the last like-
• 47:47
  That's why you don't do dating.
• 47:48
  That's why I play manners.
• 47:51
  Yeah. You don't have to do any of that.
• 47:52
  Yeah.
• 47:52
  You go to work, come back, go home.
• 47:54
  Yeah.
• 47:54
  I didn't know any of that.
• 47:55
  Yeah.
• 47:55
  Especially in Vegas, you didn't know. I just didn't know.
• 47:57
  Yeah.
• 47:58
  But yeah, so I spent a lot of time out, and I didn't show her the attention that
• 48:02
  she deserved and needed.
• 48:04
  Yeah.
• 48:04
  And my kids too. So it became something that I didn't recognize.
• 48:08
  Yeah.
• 48:09
  And then with this, my ex, my fresh ex-
• 48:13
  Yeah
• 48:14
  ... I didn't know how to love her either.
• 48:16
  Yeah.
• 48:17
  Or it was turning into something good, but I didn't know how I felt about it.
• 48:21
  Yeah.
• 48:22
  So I destroy it.
• 48:23
  Yeah. Naturally.
• 48:25
  Naturally, just like-
• 48:26
  Yeah
• 48:26
  ... "Okay. Yeah, I'm going to overcompensate, I'm going to destroy this."
• 48:29
  Yeah.
• 48:30
  100%.
• 48:30
  It sounds so crazy, but it's very common.
• 48:34
  It just seems like pressure. I've done it, okay? So you put pressure on yourself.
• 48:40
  Mm-hmm.
• 48:40
  And you're like, "Whoa." And sometimes it's subconscious.
• 48:43
  Yeah.
• 48:44
  It's like, I don't know why I felt inspired to just not go home.
• 48:49
  I don't know why.
• 48:51
  That's it.
• 48:51
  I would do that.
• 48:53
  No, because you don't initially go out and be like, "Hey, I'm going to really
• 48:56
  destroy this relationship right now."
• 48:58
  Yeah, I'm going to burn it down.
• 48:59
  "I'm going to burn this down real quick."
• 49:01
  Immediately. Let's just nuclear bomb it.
• 49:04
  No. No, not at all. Go out and you're just like, you're just, "Okay."
• 49:10
  Yeah.
• 49:10
  "It's vital."
• 49:11
  Yeah.
• 49:11
  "See you later."
• 49:12
  Yeah. I don't know what that is.
• 49:14
  Mm-mm. It's-
• 49:16
  Maybe like not loving yourself, not knowing exactly what you want.
• 49:19
  Mm-hmm. Or knowing what you want, but not accepting it.
• 49:24
  Yeah.
• 49:25
  Seeing it.
• 49:25
  Like you're not ready for it.
• 49:26
  Just not ready for it.
• 49:27
  Timing.
• 49:27
  Timing.
• 49:28
  Timing matters.
• 49:31
  Yeah.
• 49:31
  That's what I talk about, right? There's the timing.
• 49:33
  Yeah.
• 49:34
  And I think there's something to be said that you can learn from everything, right?
• 49:39
  Yeah.
• 49:40
  Everything that's been done.
• 49:41
  Oh, definitely.
• 49:42
  You can learn from a new experience.
• 49:44
  I think I learned a lot from,
• 49:46
  just from that relationship, I learned that I can love again.
• 49:51
  That's awesome.
• 49:52
  I learned that, it can be me.
• 49:57
  That's so important.
• 49:58
  It can be me.
• 49:58
  Yeah.
• 49:59
  That I learned that I'm selfish and arrogant at some points.
• 50:03
  Has she heard you say this?
• 50:05
  Yeah.
• 50:06
  Okay. Yeah.
• 50:07
  Actually, I don't ever have to.
• 50:12
  Is there like a part of you that like would fast-forward to maybe
• 50:19
  you had to become the next version of you, and then would-- is the door still open?
• 50:25
  What do you mean? Can you explain that again?
• 50:26
  To go back to the relationship.
• 50:28
  Oh.
• 50:30
  So I--
• 50:34
  no.
• 50:35
  No. Shut the door.
• 50:37
  Shut the door.
• 50:37
  Friend zone.
• 50:39
  I don't ever want to...
• 50:44
  God only knows, right? And there's a plan.
• 50:49
  But I never seek that.
• 50:50
  Yeah.
• 50:51
  I'm not going to seek to go back.
• 50:53
  Yeah.
• 50:53
  I did that for years.
• 50:54
  Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. On-
• 50:56
  Yeah.
• 50:57
  Yeah.
• 50:58
  It just never works.
• 50:58
  Oh, that's awful. I hate that cycle.
• 51:00
  Yeah. You go in, you go around, and around.
• 51:03
  You know the outcome.
• 51:05
  Yeah. And it's not so much-
• 51:06
  Yeah
• 51:06
  ... it's just like I don't want to become something just for someone.
• 51:11
  Yeah.
• 51:12
  You know?
• 51:12
  It's easy to do.
• 51:14
  Do, yeah. I think that if
• 51:18
  that's what God wants, it's what he wants.
• 51:20
  Yeah.
• 51:21
  There's nothing that's going to stop that.
• 51:23
  Yeah.
• 51:23
  You're going to charge up and go, "What do you want to know?"
• 51:26
  You know what's funny about that? Like I apply that to me
• 51:32
  becoming a doctor. I genuinely thought, maybe this is just a selfish
• 51:37
  desire to become a doctor. Do I want this for the wrong reasons?
• 51:42
  Right.
• 51:42
  I tried to quit many times. I really did.
• 51:46
  I was like, I just think, am I doing this because it's going to, I
• 51:52
  don't know, make people think that I'm smart or change my financial status?
• 51:58
  Right.
• 51:58
  And really,
• 52:01
  I learned as I walked through it, there's no rich doctors unless they're not doing
• 52:06
  other things, right?
• 52:08
  Right.
• 52:08
  Like not corrupt, but just like other businesses.
• 52:10
  Yeah.
• 52:10
  You have to have an entrepreneurial mindset, and you're doing more than just being
• 52:15
  a doctor.
• 52:15
  Yeah.
• 52:16
  So financially, it's not going to change your life or generations.
• 52:21
  I think that's a big misconception.
• 52:23
  Yeah.
• 52:25
  You guys, doctors make good money, but-
• 52:27
  I made the same as when I was an MRI tech.
• 52:29
  Oh, I see.
• 52:29
  My first paycheck.
• 52:32
  And it's not the-
• 52:33
  I don't even think it's the money that people are after, it's the respect.
• 52:35
  No.
• 52:35
  It's the white coat.
• 52:36
  Okay, so then I get the white coat.
• 52:37
  Yeah, you get the white coat.
• 52:38
  Ain't nobody respects you. And they're like,
• 52:42
  no one thought I was-
• 52:43
  You're killing them.
• 52:45
  No one thought I was a doctor.
• 52:46
  Yeah.
• 52:47
  And I was just like, yeah. So then whenever they find out, they're like, "Ugh." It
• 52:53
  changes not one thing. No one thinks you're smarter.
• 52:57
  Every so often it opens a door.
• 52:58
  Yeah.
• 52:59
  And now I think maybe I've got enough time in the game to where it opens
• 53:05
  more doors, but-
• 53:06
  Yeah
• 53:06
  ... man.
• 53:07
  I think I, yeah, I can see that.
• 53:09
  It was brutal.
• 53:10
  I think a lot of doors have been opened because for one, you're educated, right?
• 53:15
  You have this degree, you have a doctorate.
• 53:18
  But that's not enough.
• 53:19
  But being a doctor does open some doors for you, I think.
• 53:21
  But look, say, because you know me-
• 53:23
  Some letters behind your name. It can't hurt you, special.
• 53:24
  Look at how you see I'm 100% work-oriented.
• 53:29
  Yeah, but that's not only, but you are, though.
• 53:33
  That's what opens doors for you is because you're the black sheep in a white coat.
• 53:37
  That's why. That's exactly why. People know about this podcast, and they're like,
• 53:41
  "Oh my gosh, I have to invite this person,
• 53:47
  because she has this podcast."
• 53:49
  Yeah. No, not even.
• 53:52
  That's why.
• 53:53
  No. Come on, you can't give yourself enough credit. Like you got it, you got it.
• 53:57
  But okay, but it truly, without joking, it's like the diligence.
• 54:00
  Yeah.
• 54:00
  It's the persistence.
• 54:02
  Yeah.
• 54:02
  It's like the fire that I feel like I've had that I've just really
• 54:08
  persevered through a lot of-
• 54:10
  Yeah
• 54:10
  ... things that were like not on my side.
• 54:12
  Yeah.
• 54:13
  You've got to respect it.
• 54:14
  Yeah.
• 54:14
  I'm not afraid to fall on my face, get punched in the face.
• 54:18
  There's a purpose for this all, right?
• 54:21
  Yeah.
• 54:21
  And I think you're a great doctor.
• 54:23
  Thank you.
• 54:23
  You are. You're very thorough.
• 54:24
  Thank you.
• 54:24
  You take your time with your patients.
• 54:26
  I do.
• 54:26
  I've seen you.
• 54:27
  Yeah.
• 54:27
  And you're a great doctor.
• 54:29
  Thank you.
• 54:31
  I can't speak more highly of you because, and you can ask any of our community
• 54:37
  partners, I really think that. I believe that.
• 54:39
  Thank you so much.
• 54:40
  I've seen that. You do, you take your time with your patients, and they love you,
• 54:45
  especially the older ladies in the skilled nursing facilities.
• 54:49
  They're so like, "Oh my God, Dr. Simpon." They're like, "What kind of lipstick is
• 54:55
  that? What color is that?" I'm like, "Oh my gosh." Or they'll ask me the name of my
• 55:00
  nail color red, and I just think, "You still got it."
• 55:04
  Yeah.
• 55:05
  Not me, them. Okay.
• 55:06
  Yeah.
• 55:06
  There's a comment to them.
• 55:08
  Yeah. No, they really find you pretty tough.
• 55:11
  They're like, "Er, girl, what you got?"
• 55:13
  That's actually what it looks like. I do get surrounded by these ladies.
• 55:19
  The men, too, in their wheelchairs.
• 55:22
  Yeah. The walkers. Yeah. I've had that happen. Oh my gosh.
• 55:25
  You want to know the experience?
• 55:27
  Yeah.
• 55:28
  I'm walking into an assisted living.
• 55:31
  This is
• 55:33
  years ago.
• 55:34
  Yeah.
• 55:34
  I'm walking into assisted living.
• 55:36
  I'm talking to the administrator there, and I'm just going on. This lady comes up.
• 55:41
  She's like 90, 92, walking up, but still doing it.
• 55:45
  Yeah.
• 55:45
  And she goes, "Hey."
• 55:49
  I turn around, I'm like, "Hi, ma'am." She goes, "You're hot."
• 55:55
  I'm like, "Oh, wow, girl."
• 55:56
  She's not dead yet.
• 55:58
  Did you say that to her?
• 55:59
  I was like, "Girl, okay, thank you."
• 56:02
  You don't know how to react to that.
• 56:04
  You're like, "All right, what do I do here?"
• 56:05
  I'll tell you what I say. When the little old men tell me that I look beautiful or
• 56:10
  cute, I say it right back to them.
• 56:12
  Mm-hmm.
• 56:12
  They tell me I'm cute, I'm like, "You're cute."
• 56:17
  Yeah.
• 56:18
  "You're so pretty." "You're so pretty."
• 56:20
  Exactly.
• 56:23
  Oh, man.
• 56:24
  Yeah.
• 56:26
  But yeah, now it's not the same person.
• 56:31
  Yeah.
• 56:32
  You keep evolving, keep moving forward.
• 56:35
  Yeah.
• 56:35
  I don't count days.
• 56:38
  Yeah.
• 56:38
  Why would I count a day? I'm going to count
• 56:43
  today.
• 56:44
  I slightly count them, and I'll tell you, okay, so I know I'm 42, and then we do
• 56:50
  see a lot of elderly, and then I'm like-
• 56:52
  Right
• 56:52
  ... "Ooh, so at what point did you guys start feeling like this?"
• 56:55
  Right. No, no, that's not what I mean.
• 56:59
  I'm like, "Jesus, I better go snowboarding." I mean, like, get all up now.
• 57:03
  No, that's not what I mean. I mean as far as the substance use and all that other
• 57:08
  stuff.
• 57:08
  Oh.
• 57:08
  I don't count days.
• 57:09
  Okay.
• 57:11
  I went back to it, I'm sorry.
• 57:14
  Only because I like to count today.
• 57:18
  Yeah.
• 57:19
  Like today.
• 57:19
  Yeah. And today's a good day.
• 57:20
  And today's a good day. I'm blessed.
• 57:21
  That's great.
• 57:23
  I don't need to count the past. I don't need to look at the past.
• 57:25
  No.
• 57:25
  I need to look today.
• 57:27
  Yeah.
• 57:27
  That's it.
• 57:27
  Yeah, and today was awesome.
• 57:29
  Awesome. Today's awesome.
• 57:30
  Yeah.
• 57:30
  So, I don't count days.
• 57:33
  I
• 57:36
  am starting to love life.
• 57:38
  I love that.
• 57:39
  I'm starting to really love life.
• 57:41
  Have you started noticing the sun more or the sky?
• 57:45
  Yeah. Well, I can tattoo, so yeah, I'm so glad you said that.
• 57:48
  I started doing that.
• 57:49
  Get grounded. Because I love tattooing.
• 57:51
  Yeah.
• 57:51
  Right?
• 57:52
  Oh, that's nice.
• 57:53
  So-
• 57:54
  It's beautiful
• 57:55
  ... yeah. It's a drive, every morning and every night.
• 58:00
  Yeah.
• 58:01
  But I get to go up to some peace.
• 58:03
  Yeah.
• 58:04
  You get to have your little route, right, and then you get to go up.
• 58:06
  Yeah.
• 58:07
  Every morning, you hear the donkeys.
• 58:13
  I'm so serious.
• 58:14
  It was almost peaceful in the nerd call.
• 58:17
  Yeah. You hear-
• 58:19
  I want a donkey
• 58:20
  ... you hear the rooster in the morning. You hear the little birds chirping.
• 58:23
  Yeah.
• 58:24
  You hear the blackbirds, the bluebirds.
• 58:27
  Yeah.
• 58:27
  All of them. They're all out there.
• 58:29
  Do you have any animals at home?
• 58:32
  Yeah. What do we have? We had a bully. I actually just put one of them down.
• 58:38
  Yeah, we put actually two of them down, but-
• 58:40
  No
• 58:40
  ... yeah, a little Frenchy.
• 58:41
  I'm sorry I asked.
• 58:42
  No, it's okay.
• 58:43
  Oh my gosh.
• 58:43
  No, it's good. I have... I don't know what they're called, one's an Australian sh-
• 58:48
  Shepherd?
• 58:49
  Yeah, Australian cattle dog or something like this.
• 58:53
  Yeah.
• 58:53
  But that one, and then-
• 58:55
  Ugh
• 58:56
  ... another Australian.
• 58:58
  Yeah. They're both Australian, yeah. Something like that. I don't know.
• 59:02
  They're actually my daughter's dogs. I don't know.
• 59:04
  Oh, yeah.
• 59:05
  Whatever.
• 59:06
  Yeah.
• 59:06
  You get them.
• 59:07
  Yeah.
• 59:08
  So those are the family dogs.
• 59:10
  Gosh.
• 59:10
  But yeah. So living in Tehachapi, what brought me to Tehachapi is just trying to
• 59:14
  get my head clear from all the craziness and all the chaos.
• 59:17
  That's a great spot.
• 59:18
  Yeah. And it worked.
• 59:21
  Yeah.
• 59:22
  My grandparents were really sick at the time when all this was going down.
• 59:26
  Well, my grandmother had cancer, and-
• 59:28
  Oh my gosh
• 59:29
  ... she had dementia at the same time.
• 59:31
  She didn't know at the time that she had cancer.
• 59:33
  Yeah.
• 59:34
  But I wanted to come back and get myself right.
• 59:37
  Yeah.
• 59:37
  Get clarity.
• 59:38
  Be present.
• 59:38
  Be present.
• 59:39
  Yeah.
• 59:39
  And with that, I got here, and my grandma ended up having cancer, so I was helping
• 59:45
  with that.
• 59:46
  Yeah.
• 59:47
  She passed.
• 59:50
  She was on hospice, and it was one heck of an experience because then when it comes
• 59:56
  to your front door, it's just, it's-
• 59:59
  It's different
• 59:59
  ... way different.
• 1:00:01
  Yeah, caring for patients, we're on the outside, and we learn to not be porous.
• 1:00:06
  Yeah.
• 1:00:07
  But when it's actually you-
• 1:00:10
  Mm-hmm
• 1:00:10
  ... yeah, suddenly it's like, yeah, we find ourselves saying things that the
• 1:00:15
  patients say to us. "I want to talk to the doctor.
• 1:00:17
  I have questions."
• 1:00:19
  Yeah.
• 1:00:21
  It's different.
• 1:00:21
  It's way different.
• 1:00:22
  Yeah.
• 1:00:23
  You don't know how to react to certain things.
• 1:00:26
  You don't know how to react to finding out your grandmother's going to be passing.
• 1:00:32
  Yeah.
• 1:00:32
  And it's a hard one. So she ended up passing, and she was a
• 1:00:37
  huge
• 1:00:40
  staple in my life.
• 1:00:43
  You always see her dancing. I get a lot of my personality traits from her.
• 1:00:48
  She's spunky.
• 1:00:49
  Yeah. The sales part, too, it's like, you know how to get out there and make stuff
• 1:00:55
  happen.
• 1:00:56
  Yeah.
• 1:00:57
  She was a staple.
• 1:00:59
  Yeah.
• 1:01:00
  And then-
• 1:01:00
  People person.
• 1:01:01
  Mm-hmm. And then, well, my grandparents were married forever.
• 1:01:06
  So I think-
• 1:01:07
  Which is rare
• 1:01:08
  ... very rare.
• 1:01:10
  I come from that, though, too.
• 1:01:12
  Yeah.
• 1:01:13
  You get together, and you don't break up.
• 1:01:14
  Yeah.
• 1:01:15
  So once you're married, that's it.
• 1:01:16
  Yeah.
• 1:01:17
  So my great-grandparents were married for 70-some years, and my grandparents for
• 1:01:21
  50-some.
• 1:01:21
  Oh my goodness.
• 1:01:22
  My parents now for 35. So, yeah.
• 1:01:27
  Don't be the first.
• 1:01:28
  No. That's what I'm saying.
• 1:01:30
  Yeah.
• 1:01:30
  I want to really love someone.
• 1:01:33
  Yeah.
• 1:01:33
  Be in love, and them love me deeply, to the point where there's no way out.
• 1:01:38
  That's it.
• 1:01:39
  It sounds like you have the right maturity to really step into that next phase.
• 1:01:46
  Yeah. I believe I am.
• 1:01:47
  Yeah.
• 1:01:48
  I believe I am.
• 1:01:51
  I do. I want that so bad.
• 1:01:53
  Yeah.
• 1:01:53
  And I think I want to relive having a baby again.
• 1:01:57
  Yeah.
• 1:01:57
  Having another child.
• 1:01:58
  Yeah.
• 1:01:58
  Because there's a lot of lost years there that I didn't get to experience.
• 1:02:03
  That's beautiful.
• 1:02:03
  I want to wake up and, I want my daughter to wake me up, middle of the night-
• 1:02:08
  Yeah
• 1:02:08
  ... "Go get me some freaking ice cream." "Go get me some ice cream," or, "Go get me
• 1:02:12
  a pickle."
• 1:02:15
  Yeah. Something.
• 1:02:16
  Yeah, something.
• 1:02:17
  Yeah.
• 1:02:17
  No problem. Let's do that. I'm going to get some of myself, too. Let's eat.
• 1:02:20
  Yeah. Oh, that's cute.
• 1:02:22
  And then, when the baby comes, I want to be like, I want to roll over and have that
• 1:02:27
  baby there.
• 1:02:28
  Yeah.
• 1:02:29
  I want to see the first steps.
• 1:02:30
  It's interesting to me, as a woman, to hear a lot of men share
• 1:02:36
  that part because it just seems like such a feminine thing to want.
• 1:02:42
  But it's almost like the men are verbalizing it more now because the women are just
• 1:02:46
  like-
• 1:02:47
  Yeah. It's becoming... Yeah, you're right
• 1:02:50
  ... not ready.
• 1:02:53
  I totally support strong women.
• 1:02:56
  Yeah.
• 1:02:57
  Be a strong woman.
• 1:02:57
  Yeah.
• 1:02:57
  Be a strong woman. That's awesome. I love the fact.
• 1:02:59
  There's nothing like a strong woman who knows what she wants to do.
• 1:03:03
  But we all became that and got jobs.
• 1:03:05
  And now it's like,
• 1:03:07
  who's going to help the children?
• 1:03:08
  Well, there's that part.
• 1:03:09
  Yeah.
• 1:03:09
  But I think you really have to look at the men in this world, and you can't-
• 1:03:13
  Yeah
• 1:03:13
  ... for me, I'm not looking at the women-
• 1:03:16
  Yeah
• 1:03:16
  ... and blaming them for wanting what they want.
• 1:03:18
  Yeah.
• 1:03:19
  I'm blaming the men-
• 1:03:20
  Yeah
• 1:03:21
  ... because we haven't been strong men lately.
• 1:03:23
  No.
• 1:03:25
  We're verbalizing these things.
• 1:03:27
  Or being scared of-
• 1:03:29
  Yeah
• 1:03:29
  ... talking or committing.
• 1:03:31
  Yeah.
• 1:03:31
  Women are catching on now, guys.
• 1:03:32
  We are. We're not even asking how do you feel anymore because you're just like,
• 1:03:37
  "No, we're saying." Like, "I'm sorry.
• 1:03:40
  What was that?"
• 1:03:41
  Yeah.
• 1:03:41
  You're like, "What?"
• 1:03:43
  They're catching on.
• 1:03:44
  Yeah.
• 1:03:45
  They're pretty smart now.
• 1:03:46
  No, we're different.
• 1:03:47
  So, I don't blame women for-
• 1:03:51
  Yeah
• 1:03:51
  ... wanting to conquer the world.
• 1:03:54
  Yeah.
• 1:03:54
  They don't.
• 1:03:55
  I think
• 1:03:57
  lately there's been a lot of weak men.
• 1:03:59
  Yeah.
• 1:04:00
  And it's our fault.
• 1:04:01
  Yeah.
• 1:04:01
  We're supposed to lead, right?
• 1:04:02
  There's a lot of leading.
• 1:04:03
  So whose fault is it?
• 1:04:05
  Yeah.
• 1:04:05
  When God
• 1:04:07
  came to Adam and Eve, and they... What did God say?
• 1:04:11
  He said, "Where are you, Adam?"
• 1:04:13
  Yeah.
• 1:04:15
  We're the ones.
• 1:04:16
  And Eve was like, "Hey, eat this apple."
• 1:04:17
  Yeah. The serpent is, yeah, just came and can eat. Yeah, exactly.
• 1:04:21
  Yeah.
• 1:04:21
  He didn't say, "Hey, Eve, what are you doing?" No, he said, "Where are you, Adam?"
• 1:04:26
  Yeah.
• 1:04:27
  It's our job to lead. So I understand why women now are doing what they're
• 1:04:32
  doing. I get it.
• 1:04:34
  Yeah.
• 1:04:35
  And it's not a bad thing at all.
• 1:04:36
  Yeah.
• 1:04:36
  I think there's a lot of good things that come from a woman leading and doing that.
• 1:04:41
  Yeah.
• 1:04:43
  There's a lot of good things that come from that.
• 1:04:45
  Yeah.
• 1:04:47
  Whether who you-- If you want that, choose that.
• 1:04:50
  Yeah.
• 1:04:50
  But if you don't, that's okay, too.
• 1:04:52
  Me particularly, I
• 1:04:55
  love a strong woman.
• 1:04:56
  Yeah.
• 1:04:57
  But I love the-- I want someone to challenge me mentally-
• 1:05:00
  Yeah
• 1:05:01
  ... intellectually.
• 1:05:02
  Yep. We do that. A lot of good women out there to-
• 1:05:07
  I need someone to do that.
• 1:05:08
  Yep.
• 1:05:08
  Because I like to talk about quantum physics.
• 1:05:10
  I like to talk about-
• 1:05:11
  Yeah
• 1:05:11
  ... just weird stuff.
• 1:05:13
  Yeah.
• 1:05:13
  A lot of conspiracies and just-
• 1:05:15
  The rabbit hole.
• 1:05:16
  Yeah. The rabbit hole, right?
• 1:05:17
  Yes.
• 1:05:18
  I like to talk about all that.
• 1:05:19
  Yeah.
• 1:05:20
  And just basic stuff, too.
• 1:05:21
  Yeah.
• 1:05:21
  I just like that. So, I don't know where I was going with this.
• 1:05:26
  Well, do you cook and clean? Asking for the viewers.
• 1:05:32
  I cook. I have a hard time cleaning.
• 1:05:35
  Ooh.
• 1:05:36
  I'm sorry.
• 1:05:37
  Well, nobody's perfect.
• 1:05:38
  Yeah.
• 1:05:38
  But you can improve. We can work on it.
• 1:05:42
  Yeah, I know. No, I try to keep things organized, but it is...
• 1:05:49
  I just can't.
• 1:05:49
  We have our traits.
• 1:05:52
  I get really--
• 1:05:54
  I have a lot of anxiety when things are out of their place, though.
• 1:05:57
  Okay, so then you are pretty-
• 1:05:58
  Yeah
• 1:05:59
  ... organized and clean.
• 1:06:00
  If it's cluttered-
• 1:06:02
  Yeah
• 1:06:02
  ... I don't like it.
• 1:06:03
  Yeah.
• 1:06:03
  It gets me like, "Ah."
• 1:06:04
  Yeah.
• 1:06:04
  I freaked out.
• 1:06:05
  Like, "Fix it."
• 1:06:07
  Yeah. But yeah, no, so I do hospice, and
• 1:06:14
  I'm doing a lot of different other things right now, but I love life.
• 1:06:20
  That's good.
• 1:06:20
  I'm starting to love life and-
• 1:06:22
  After going through such a dark era-
• 1:06:24
  Yeah
• 1:06:24
  ... this is fantastic.
• 1:06:26
  Yeah.
• 1:06:26
  And it's hope.
• 1:06:27
  Yeah. A reason that I came on here is to show that there is--
• 1:06:34
  I'm living it right now.
• 1:06:35
  I love that.
• 1:06:37
  I'm not perfect. We're not perfect, right?
• 1:06:39
  Nobody is.
• 1:06:40
  I'm not that far out from my last use, guys.
• 1:06:44
  Yeah.
• 1:06:45
  And I'm okay saying that.
• 1:06:47
  Yeah.
• 1:06:48
  I
• 1:06:51
  am talking to you from the front line.
• 1:06:55
  I love that you did.
• 1:06:56
  There's no, I'm not the
• 1:07:00
  richest man in the world now, or-
• 1:07:02
  Yeah
• 1:07:02
  ... I'm not the most successful person in the world now.
• 1:07:05
  Yes.
• 1:07:05
  You know?
• 1:07:05
  You're still in, like, it's hard.
• 1:07:07
  Yeah.
• 1:07:08
  It's freaking hard.
• 1:07:08
  But I'm here.
• 1:07:09
  Yeah.
• 1:07:09
  And I'm living.
• 1:07:09
  Yes.
• 1:07:09
  And I'm talking.
• 1:07:10
  Yeah.
• 1:07:10
  Let's communicate. Let's talk, guys.
• 1:07:12
  Yeah. And you show what it looks like.
• 1:07:15
  Yeah.
• 1:07:15
  You've rushed your tea.
• 1:07:16
  Yeah. I think so.
• 1:07:19
  Right?
• 1:07:19
  Yeah. It's like-
• 1:07:21
  Yeah
• 1:07:21
  ... I'm here.
• 1:07:22
  Yeah.
• 1:07:22
  So that's the cool part. I'm starting to be, it's starting to reflect, too, in my
• 1:07:27
  work.
• 1:07:28
  That's powerful.
• 1:07:29
  My being a dad.
• 1:07:33
  Your drive.
• 1:07:34
  Drive. Oh, yeah, girl.
• 1:07:35
  Because a lot of people feel flat.
• 1:07:38
  Yes. Oh, yes.
• 1:07:39
  Right? So the fact that you have that, like-
• 1:07:41
  There's a chip.
• 1:07:42
  Yes. Good.
• 1:07:43
  There's a chip a little bit.
• 1:07:44
  Good. And that's a positive thing, right?
• 1:07:47
  Like, it-
• 1:07:47
  Yeah. I'm not trying to be vengeful.
• 1:07:49
  No.
• 1:07:49
  I'll never get revenge on anybody.
• 1:07:51
  But it's like the best thing I can do for anybody is to be the most successful
• 1:07:56
  Marcus.
• 1:07:57
  I-- okay.
• 1:07:57
  The best Marcus.
• 1:07:58
  Yeah.
• 1:07:59
  You know?
• 1:08:00
  Yeah.
• 1:08:00
  For everybody.
• 1:08:01
  Yeah.
• 1:08:01
  And that doesn't-- I don't know what that looks like quite yet and what that's
• 1:08:05
  actually going to look like.
• 1:08:06
  I don't know many, if any, personally, any successful
• 1:08:12
  people who did incredible things, like not mediocre, but freaking
• 1:08:17
  incredible, impressive, anything that does not have a chip-
• 1:08:22
  Right
• 1:08:23
  ... of some sort.
• 1:08:24
  Right.
• 1:08:25
  I have a chip.
• 1:08:25
  Yeah.
• 1:08:27
  And to anybody, everybody who's like, "You will never be a doctor.
• 1:08:32
  You're not smart enough."
• 1:08:33
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:08:34
  "You can't do something."
• 1:08:36
  Oh, I love that.
• 1:08:37
  Me too.
• 1:08:38
  Oh, I love that.
• 1:08:39
  I'm like, say again.
• 1:08:40
  Yeah.
• 1:08:40
  Please.
• 1:08:41
  Yeah.
• 1:08:41
  Because when I do-
• 1:08:42
  Yeah
• 1:08:43
  ... not if.
• 1:08:43
  Yeah.
• 1:08:44
  But when I do-
• 1:08:45
  Yes
• 1:08:45
  ... you're going to watch.
• 1:08:47
  Yeah. Oh, yeah. You can hear from that.
• 1:08:49
  Yeah. I'll invite you.
• 1:08:51
  I'll get you tickets, don't worry.
• 1:08:53
  Yeah. Yes, and it's not even about that person-
• 1:08:56
  Yeah
• 1:08:56
  ... but it is the fact that it is a part of that chip that it feels
• 1:09:02
  negative if I identify the feeling.
• 1:09:04
  Yeah.
• 1:09:05
  It feels terrible.
• 1:09:06
  Right.
• 1:09:07
  It hurt me.
• 1:09:08
  Well, there's a villain to that.
• 1:09:09
  Yeah. There's a face. I know like-
• 1:09:11
  There's like-
• 1:09:11
  ... who said it and like the context.
• 1:09:14
  Well, you like to be the person that-- for me, it's like, oh yeah, I'm all that.
• 1:09:20
  You think what you think.
• 1:09:21
  Yeah.
• 1:09:22
  And you're right, I am that, but watch me do this.
• 1:09:24
  Yeah. Watch how much I'm going to do with so little. And you know what?
• 1:09:29
  If I'm doing so much-
• 1:09:30
  Yeah
• 1:09:30
  ... with so little-
• 1:09:32
  Yeah
• 1:09:32
  ... you should do more.
• 1:09:33
  Exactly.
• 1:09:34
  You are unacceptable.
• 1:09:35
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:09:37
  Go do more than me.
• 1:09:38
  Yeah, absolutely. Please do.
• 1:09:40
  Yeah.
• 1:09:40
  Because it's just like,
• 1:09:44
  please do. Just do it.
• 1:09:46
  Yeah.
• 1:09:46
  I will show up on this.
• 1:09:46
  Because you're underperforming-
• 1:09:48
  Yeah
• 1:09:48
  ... with all of your-
• 1:09:49
  Yeah
• 1:09:50
  ... gifts.
• 1:09:51
  Yeah, straight up.
• 1:09:52
  Yeah.
• 1:09:54
  Yeah, the success is, it's coming.
• 1:09:57
  Yeah.
• 1:09:57
  You know?
• 1:09:58
  It's definitely coming.
• 1:09:59
  It's here. It's active.
• 1:10:02
  Yeah. Stay mad.
• 1:10:03
  Yeah, exactly.
• 1:10:04
  Yeah.
• 1:10:05
  I know I'm going to get a lot of heat for what I've talked about
• 1:10:11
  today.
• 1:10:12
  Encouragement, then. That's what it means.
• 1:10:13
  Yeah. I need that coming in here. I'm not scared anymore.
• 1:10:19
  I love that.
• 1:10:21
  I've done all these things, but I have my scars.
• 1:10:26
  Yeah.
• 1:10:26
  And I love those scars.
• 1:10:27
  Me too. Those are powerful, Marcus. Those are powerful.
• 1:10:31
  Yeah, I know. It's like anybody can--
• 1:10:35
  God, we go through it all, guys.
• 1:10:37
  Yeah.
• 1:10:38
  We all go through it.
• 1:10:39
  And you're not ruined.
• 1:10:40
  You're not alone, dude.
• 1:10:41
  You're not alone. You're not ruined.
• 1:10:42
  You're not. Exactly. You're not.
• 1:10:44
  Yeah. You can heal, you can recover, overcome.
• 1:10:48
  Yeah.
• 1:10:48
  And that's your story.
• 1:10:49
  Yeah. And if you're not healed yet-
• 1:10:52
  Yeah
• 1:10:52
  ... it's okay.
• 1:10:53
  Yeah. That's okay.
• 1:10:53
  It's okay.
• 1:10:56
  Yeah.
• 1:10:57
  You can smile still.
• 1:10:58
  Yeah.
• 1:10:59
  You get to control your smile.
• 1:11:00
  Yeah. Yeah, it's true.
• 1:11:03
  That's it.
• 1:11:04
  Yeah.
• 1:11:06
  Whether it's fake or not, you get to control that.
• 1:11:09
  I think even just the act of smiling, it does release chemicals.
• 1:11:13
  Right.
• 1:11:13
  It does tell your brain to release the dopamine, and you do activate
• 1:11:19
  those neurotransmitters to build a pathway.
• 1:11:23
  Oh, yeah.
• 1:11:24
  So eventually, your brain actually does tell you-
• 1:11:27
  That's synapses
• 1:11:27
  ... joy.
• 1:11:28
  Yeah, synapses happen.
• 1:11:29
  Yeah.
• 1:11:30
  Yeah, absolutely. Speaking of synapses-
• 1:11:33
  Yeah
• 1:11:33
  ... so Retta.
• 1:11:34
  Yes.
• 1:11:34
  Okay.
• 1:11:35
  Fan.
• 1:11:37
  Don't send me a letter.
• 1:11:39
  Right.
• 1:11:39
  Okay. Bye, Mr. Lily. Don't send the letter to me.
• 1:11:43
  Right.
• 1:11:44
  It helps people.
• 1:11:45
  I do.
• 1:11:46
  A lot of people.
• 1:11:47
  I have a lot of people. I'm not going to go and say that I know everything about it
• 1:11:52
  and be like a chemist with it and-
• 1:11:55
  We can explore it
• 1:11:57
  ... but it's,
• 1:12:00
  Retta is a beautiful thing.
• 1:12:02
  It's a game changer.
• 1:12:03
  It's a beautiful compound.
• 1:12:04
  Yeah.
• 1:12:05
  It really is. There's so many levels to it, too.
• 1:12:09
  A lot of addicts are using it-
• 1:12:11
  Yeah
• 1:12:11
  ... to get off that drug. A lot of alcoholics are trying to get off the bottle,
• 1:12:16
  right?
• 1:12:16
  Yep.
• 1:12:18
  Deeper than that, the liver support, the dopamine
• 1:12:24
  release.
• 1:12:25
  Yes.
• 1:12:26
  Mind to muscle.
• 1:12:28
  Yeah.
• 1:12:28
  That whole thing is just that-
• 1:12:30
  The energy deficit-
• 1:12:31
  Absolutely
• 1:12:32
  ... that it overcomes.
• 1:12:33
  Yeah, that's one of the biggest things that saved me during my prep.
• 1:12:36
  That's great.
• 1:12:36
  It was on Retta, and I wasn't doing high doses. You don't need a high dose.
• 1:12:41
  Don't do high dose.
• 1:12:41
  No, the trials are running around two mg to start-
• 1:12:44
  Yeah
• 1:12:45
  ... to 18 mg. Can you imagine?
• 1:12:47
  Whoa.
• 1:12:48
  But really, there's metabolic dysfunctions out there, so-
• 1:12:52
  Yeah, I can see that
• 1:12:54
  ... you've got a lot wrong if you're needing-
• 1:12:57
  Yeah
• 1:12:58
  ... these doses.
• 1:12:59
  I went up to three, and I just couldn't eat my last meal.
• 1:13:03
  It was like
• 1:13:05
  Yeah. A lot of people don't have the appetite suppression as much with it, but then
• 1:13:10
  again, it is dose-dependent.
• 1:13:11
  Yeah.
• 1:13:12
  So you hit the right dose, and then it turns it off.
• 1:13:14
  I was like, "Eh-eh."
• 1:13:16
  Yeah.
• 1:13:16
  No, I'm good. So I went back down to two.
• 1:13:18
  Yeah.
• 1:13:18
  And that seems to work for me.
• 1:13:22
  Get a coach, always have a coach. Get your blood work done.
• 1:13:24
  Yes.
• 1:13:24
  Get a doctor, guys.
• 1:13:26
  Yeah.
• 1:13:27
  Always a doctor to look over your blood. That's key.
• 1:13:31
  Yes, because you need-
• 1:13:32
  Know your markers. You can't do anything without knowing your markers, guys.
• 1:13:36
  I know. It's driving blind. Like, tell me where to turn.
• 1:13:39
  Right.
• 1:13:39
  Tell me where I'm driving.
• 1:13:41
  Got to know your kidney function, got to know your liver function.
• 1:13:43
  Yeah.
• 1:13:43
  Got to know how everything is, your pancreas is working.
• 1:13:45
  Yeah, and I feel like some people do have anxiety with it.
• 1:13:49
  Some people forget to eat, or they'll eat
• 1:13:53
  too large of a meal, just like with any of the other GLPs, and then they are
• 1:13:58
  considered failed because they're like, "It doesn't work for me." I felt like
• 1:14:02
  whatever symptom. You shouldn't have all the symptoms-
• 1:14:04
  Right
• 1:14:04
  ... and you just have the benefits. That's a proper dose.
• 1:14:06
  Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely.
• 1:14:08
  Yeah.
• 1:14:09
  Talk about the appetite suppressant.
• 1:14:11
  I give it to my mom And she just came off tirzepatide.
• 1:14:15
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:14:15
  And instead of it suppressing that appetite further, it did the opposite.
• 1:14:22
  I said, "That's great, Mom. That means your metabolism's restructuring.
• 1:14:24
  Your body's actually eating."
• 1:14:26
  Yeah.
• 1:14:26
  And it's not a bad thing.
• 1:14:28
  You're absorbing the food, using the food.
• 1:14:30
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:14:30
  Yeah.
• 1:14:30
  People think it's a bad thing to be hungry. It's not.
• 1:14:33
  Yeah, they do. It's like-
• 1:14:35
  No
• 1:14:36
  ... you're right.
• 1:14:37
  It's okay to be hungry.
• 1:14:38
  Yeah.
• 1:14:38
  That means your body's working.
• 1:14:40
  Yes.
• 1:14:41
  You know?
• 1:14:41
  Yeah.
• 1:14:42
  And I
• 1:14:45
  had to learn that pretty quick. I'm like, "Why does my stomach feel hungry?"
• 1:14:48
  Yeah.
• 1:14:48
  It's annoying, but no, it's a good thing.
• 1:14:50
  It is a good thing to feel hungry and to feel full.
• 1:14:53
  Yeah. Exactly right.
• 1:14:54
  People forget that. Or even whenever they're taking a GLP, they forget that the
• 1:15:00
  signal is removed to eat.
• 1:15:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:15:02
  So okay, yeah, you're not hungry, but then also, you're not thirsty.
• 1:15:05
  Right. Oh, and there's a confusion there, too.
• 1:15:07
  Yeah. It catches up with them. They're like
• 1:15:11
  .
• 1:15:12
  Yeah.
• 1:15:12
  But you haven't drank all day.
• 1:15:15
  Yeah. That's a good point. You could actually be thirsty and think you're hungry.
• 1:15:20
  Yeah.
• 1:15:21
  Right.
• 1:15:21
  Or salt craving, sugar craving.
• 1:15:24
  There's other things.
• 1:15:24
  There's a lot of things.
• 1:15:24
  So, let's go to sugar. So do you agree with the thought of
• 1:15:30
  sugar being harder to kick than heroin?
• 1:15:36
  I think it just depends on the person's genetics.
• 1:15:39
  Yeah.
• 1:15:40
  And I wouldn't have said that if I were not so deep into the genomics
• 1:15:46
  now.
• 1:15:46
  Yeah.
• 1:15:47
  I really feel like that's where the answer is.
• 1:15:50
  Sure.
• 1:15:50
  As I DNA test people, and I get to see how their different genes
• 1:15:56
  play a role in how they respond to different treatments, and-
• 1:15:59
  Oh, yeah
• 1:16:00
  ... the action items that it gives with the evidence that correlates, very
• 1:16:05
  specifically, when you do this, you're most likely to have a great outcome.
• 1:16:10
  Or if you do this, it might help you. It tells me the level of certainty.
• 1:16:15
  Right.
• 1:16:16
  So it's pretty badass.
• 1:16:18
  Right. Yeah.
• 1:16:18
  But, yeah, so it just kind of-
• 1:16:21
  Well, it's like knowing your blood type and then eating according to that blood
• 1:16:23
  type.
• 1:16:23
  Yes, exactly.
• 1:16:25
  Love that.
• 1:16:25
  Yes.
• 1:16:26
  No, love it. That's getting deep.
• 1:16:28
  It's customized.
• 1:16:30
  Love it.
• 1:16:30
  I can't go back.
• 1:16:31
  Right.
• 1:16:31
  After knowing this and seeing it, it's not cookie cutter.
• 1:16:34
  No. Well, you know what? I think in the next 20 years, we're going to see
• 1:16:40
  some really true science behind this.
• 1:16:46
  Yeah.
• 1:16:47
  I think it's going to see a lot of-
• 1:16:49
  Leaps
• 1:16:49
  ... leaps.
• 1:16:50
  Yes.
• 1:16:50
  Leaps and bounds into-
• 1:16:51
  Yeah
• 1:16:52
  ... longevity.
• 1:16:54
  Yeah.
• 1:16:54
  I think people are going to start living longer lives.
• 1:16:57
  Yeah.
• 1:16:58
  It could be a scary thing, too.
• 1:17:00
  I'm hoping that rather than just making our lives longer, that it's-
• 1:17:05
  We're functioning better
• 1:17:06
  ... healthier. Yeah, functioning better, because it looks really bad.
• 1:17:09
  Your carcass is just alive, and I'm sorry.
• 1:17:13
  Yeah.
• 1:17:13
  It's just, I wish there was better options that I could give patients.
• 1:17:16
  Yeah.
• 1:17:17
  But I'm like, "That's honestly all the tools that we have."
• 1:17:20
  Yeah.
• 1:17:21
  And I want more.
• 1:17:22
  Yeah. Which ones have they approved thus far?
• 1:17:28
  Have they approved all?
• 1:17:28
  Are you talking medications?
• 1:17:30
  No, I'm talking about peptides.
• 1:17:31
  Peptides?
• 1:17:32
  Yeah. Have they cleared?
• 1:17:34
  So the FDA did-- So there's a board, advisory board.
• 1:17:38
  Yeah.
• 1:17:38
  And they voted, and they passed six of them.
• 1:17:41
  Okay. I see.
• 1:17:41
  But the next step is that they have to write the regulations, and then they launch
• 1:17:47
  a date for when that goes into play.
• 1:17:50
  Yes.
• 1:17:50
  There's rules for who can-
• 1:17:53
  Prescribe it
• 1:17:53
  ... prescribe, yeah. And then how all of these are handled and-
• 1:17:57
  Yeah
• 1:17:58
  ... the safety-
• 1:17:59
  Yeah
• 1:17:59
  ... parameters.
• 1:18:01
  Yeah.
• 1:18:04
  FDA's a funny thing, eh?
• 1:18:05
  Yeah. I know. It's so interesting.
• 1:18:09
  I've been having to work in the real gray area, and I do the whole peptide thing.
• 1:18:14
  I'm
• 1:18:16
  connected with the company.
• 1:18:18
  Yeah.
• 1:18:19
  And we have a COA. We're working out of-- We're stateside.
• 1:18:23
  That's awesome.
• 1:18:26
  And we've had to work in that gray. We can't consult with anybody.
• 1:18:30
  Yeah.
• 1:18:30
  You have to literally tell us what you want. We can't tell you what to take.
• 1:18:33
  Yeah.
• 1:18:34
  You know? And I think there's-
• 1:18:35
  That's what a lot of it is.
• 1:18:36
  Mm-hmm. I don't know what to tell you.
• 1:18:38
  I'm not a medical-
• 1:18:41
  Yeah
• 1:18:41
  ... professional.
• 1:18:42
  Yeah.
• 1:18:43
  So-
• 1:18:44
  Yeah
• 1:18:44
  ... know what you want and tell me what you need.
• 1:18:45
  Yeah. You're like, "I'm just a really fit guy."
• 1:18:48
  I can only tell you what works for me.
• 1:18:50
  Yeah.
• 1:18:50
  So go get your blood work.
• 1:18:52
  Yes.
• 1:18:52
  Go talk to your doctor-
• 1:18:53
  Yeah
• 1:18:54
  ... and figure out what you need.
• 1:18:55
  I've created a link so that people can click on it, and they can self-order.
• 1:19:00
  Oh, yeah. Yeah.
• 1:19:01
  So if you're like, "I don't want to commit to a doctor.
• 1:19:03
  I don't want to pay for it," I'm like, "Don't pay for me."
• 1:19:06
  Right.
• 1:19:06
  "Just click the link, check your own labs, order your own stuff."
• 1:19:09
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:19:10
  I think there's a lot of
• 1:19:13
  places that have created access with-
• 1:19:15
  Yeah
• 1:19:15
  ... the home kits, the arm kit.
• 1:19:18
  Yeah. Oh, yeah.
• 1:19:19
  Yeah.
• 1:19:19
  Rhythm. Yeah.
• 1:19:22
  So I think those are really helping to drive the cost down of labs.
• 1:19:25
  Was I supposed to say that one?
• 1:19:26
  What?
• 1:19:27
  Are we allowed to say it?
• 1:19:27
  Oh, you can say whatever.
• 1:19:28
  Okay.
• 1:19:28
  Hey, Rhythm, sponsor me.
• 1:19:30
  Oh, yeah.
• 1:19:30
  I need some sponsors in here.
• 1:19:32
  That was a joke.
• 1:19:33
  Yeah, we can say anybody's name. And you know what?
• 1:19:35
  They need to just start sponsoring.
• 1:19:37
  For real.
• 1:19:37
  Yeah.
• 1:19:38
  Sponsor Dr. Celi.
• 1:19:40
  Yes, please.
• 1:19:42
  White coat, black sheets.
• 1:19:43
  That's right.
• 1:19:43
  Yep.
• 1:19:43
  Yes.
• 1:19:47
  There's a lot of good science happening right now.
• 1:19:50
  Yeah.
• 1:19:51
  A lot of good science. You know, I started doing growth.
• 1:19:53
  Okay.
• 1:19:54
  HGH and it goes, I am really liking it.
• 1:19:58
  People love it. It's just that's a very expensive-
• 1:20:03
  It can be
• 1:20:03
  ... supplement.
• 1:20:04
  Yes. Yeah. It can be.
• 1:20:05
  Most people can't afford that.
• 1:20:06
  No.
• 1:20:08
  And you're right. I didn't even think about that.
• 1:20:10
  Right.
• 1:20:11
  Depending on where you get it.
• 1:20:15
  Yeah.
• 1:20:16
  You know.
• 1:20:17
  Whether it's pure-
• 1:20:17
  Yeah, it's pure, prescribed, you go through, you do it the right way, it is very,
• 1:20:21
  very expensive.
• 1:20:22
  Yeah.
• 1:20:24
  I've learned that your body can really change overnight. The way you feel.
• 1:20:30
  Yeah.
• 1:20:31
  The way you feel, at least.
• 1:20:33
  The recovery time-
• 1:20:34
  The recovery time
• 1:20:34
  ... is way shortened.
• 1:20:35
  Yeah. 100%.
• 1:20:37
  Yeah.
• 1:20:37
  Your sleep is better.
• 1:20:38
  Yeah. Yes, you do sleep.
• 1:20:40
  The way you process food is better.
• 1:20:42
  Your metabolism's boosted.
• 1:20:43
  Oh, gosh.
• 1:20:45
  Yeah.
• 1:20:46
  Joints feel better.
• 1:20:47
  Yep.
• 1:20:47
  Hair, skin, and nails.
• 1:20:48
  Yep. Amazing. Which is high in pregnancy.
• 1:20:52
  Yeah.
• 1:20:52
  So it's like you get back low.
• 1:20:56
  Yeah.
• 1:20:57
  Yeah.
• 1:20:57
  Yeah, so there's a lot of good things that come with these molecules.
• 1:21:02
  Yeah.
• 1:21:03
  I love it.
• 1:21:03
  Yeah.
• 1:21:04
  I love it.
• 1:21:04
  I think the downside, if you did an extreme dose of it without pulsing, would
• 1:21:10
  be diabetes, carpal tunnel.
• 1:21:12
  Oh, yeah, you've got to check your blood sugar.
• 1:21:14
  Thickened skin.
• 1:21:14
  Oh, yeah. Yeah, 100%.
• 1:21:16
  Large nose, ears. That's not it. You have a good dose. Okay, so, right?
• 1:21:22
  But you know the look.
• 1:21:23
  Yeah, no, I know the-
• 1:21:25
  Yeah.
• 1:21:26
  Yeah.
• 1:21:27
  Yeah. Larger-
• 1:21:28
  Everything.
• 1:21:29
  Everything. Yeah.
• 1:21:31
  Yeah. No, I'm not there yet.
• 1:21:32
  Yep. Yeah, but I love it. I took growth hormone for, I would say probably a few
• 1:21:38
  years.
• 1:21:39
  Yeah.
• 1:21:39
  But now, I've probably more so transitioned to, I will take off and on
• 1:21:45
  the tesamorelin.
• 1:21:47
  Yes. Yeah.
• 1:21:47
  Is my favorite. CJC, I don't like the burn.
• 1:21:52
  Yeah.
• 1:21:53
  I don't like that beta-alanine feeling.
• 1:21:56
  You're like, "It's"-- Oh.
• 1:21:58
  No, I'm a girl. I don't like it. I don't want to feel that layer of warmth
• 1:22:04
  running through my veins.
• 1:22:06
  Got it.
• 1:22:06
  But some people like it.
• 1:22:08
  Yeah, do you like it?
• 1:22:09
  Yeah, they like it.
• 1:22:09
  Oh, for-- Yeah. Well, that's just the addiction talking too.
• 1:22:12
  Yeah.
• 1:22:13
  I like that.
• 1:22:13
  Because then you're like, "You know it's working."
• 1:22:15
  Mm-hmm. You're like, "Oh, yeah, yeah."
• 1:22:16
  Yeah, this is not fake.
• 1:22:18
  No.
• 1:22:18
  This is not a drill.
• 1:22:20
  Exactly right.
• 1:22:20
  This is legit.
• 1:22:21
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:22:22
  Yeah.
• 1:22:22
  What do you think about the studies in regards to Retta and cancer?
• 1:22:26
  I think it is accurate.
• 1:22:28
  Yeah.
• 1:22:28
  I mean, we're lowering-- So does Retta reduce cancer rates? Yes, it does.
• 1:22:33
  Yeah.
• 1:22:34
  It's pretty well documented. The Triumph trials with Eli Lilly.
• 1:22:38
  Mm.
• 1:22:39
  I think it's Triumph 9.
• 1:22:40
  Mm.
• 1:22:40
  So it's pretty amazing.
• 1:22:43
  I love that.
• 1:22:44
  So-
• 1:22:45
  Good
• 1:22:45
  ... will they make that full claim? I hope so.
• 1:22:49
  Yeah.
• 1:22:50
  I hope so.
• 1:22:51
  It's-
• 1:22:52
  Because they're finding proof of it
• 1:22:54
  ... I think it's on its way, and they're not going to be able to stop it.
• 1:22:56
  Yeah.
• 1:22:56
  Because there's just too many trials now.
• 1:22:58
  Yeah.
• 1:22:59
  You know? And it's out there.
• 1:23:00
  Well, it's not good for business. So, I mean, there's always that counterargument-
• 1:23:05
  Yeah
• 1:23:05
  ... of how much of medicine is business.
• 1:23:07
  Yeah.
• 1:23:08
  I don't want to go so extreme to be like, "All agendas are
• 1:23:13
  monetary." In a sense, maybe if I owned the pharmaceutical company, maybe that
• 1:23:18
  would be my-
• 1:23:19
  Right
• 1:23:19
  ... only mission, but I don't own it.
• 1:23:22
  Right.
• 1:23:23
  So I'm a regular doctor in the workforce, and I genuinely don't want you to have
• 1:23:28
  cancer.
• 1:23:28
  Right. Yeah.
• 1:23:29
  And if there's a way for me to prevent it-
• 1:23:31
  Yeah
• 1:23:32
  ... I'm going to treat you with that properly.
• 1:23:35
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:23:36
  So, yeah.
• 1:23:36
  There's another study on tesamorelin with HIV and AIDS.
• 1:23:39
  Yeah.
• 1:23:40
  And I was looking at that, and I was just like, "Whoa, we're there."
• 1:23:45
  Yeah.
• 1:23:45
  We're there.
• 1:23:46
  Yeah, that's how-- You probably know, that's what it was initially approved for.
• 1:23:52
  Really?
• 1:23:52
  So anytime we're using tesamorelin, it's off-label use because it's only indicated
• 1:23:58
  for HIV patients.
• 1:24:00
  Oh, wow.
• 1:24:01
  Yes.
• 1:24:01
  I did not know that.
• 1:24:02
  So it's fully on market for that purpose.
• 1:24:08
  5 mg per day is the dose for that.
• 1:24:12
  Saving lives. That's dope. I love it.
• 1:24:15
  Most people will-- You probably know the dose, mostly 1 mg per day.
• 1:24:20
  Yeah.
• 1:24:21
  And you're going to get chilled.
• 1:24:22
  That's it.
• 1:24:23
  Right here.
• 1:24:24
  Consistent.
• 1:24:25
  Yeah.
• 1:24:25
  Small doses. You do not got to throw a bunch of it in your body.
• 1:24:30
  Yeah.
• 1:24:30
  You don't.
• 1:24:31
  Fast it.
• 1:24:31
  Yeah. Fast it.
• 1:24:32
  Yeah.
• 1:24:33
  Exactly.
• 1:24:33
  Yeah.
• 1:24:35
  Yeah.
• 1:24:39
  What else are we going to talk about?
• 1:24:40
  Well, I think that's pretty solid.
• 1:24:42
  Yeah.
• 1:24:42
  If anybody were to want to reach out, because I know you did share a lot-
• 1:24:46
  Yeah
• 1:24:46
  ... and you were very brave to do that.
• 1:24:49
  Yeah.
• 1:24:49
  What-
• 1:24:50
  I don't know if this was what we were looking for, but I think-
• 1:24:56
  I'm looking for real, so-
• 1:24:57
  Yeah
• 1:24:57
  ... you're great
• 1:24:57
  ... I think I just enjoyed this very much.
• 1:25:00
  Me too.
• 1:25:01
  I'm hoping that this can get out to people that
• 1:25:06
  you
• 1:25:09
  think that you're alone, but you're not.
• 1:25:10
  Yeah.
• 1:25:11
  You're not. And
• 1:25:14
  you're just not, man. You're not.
• 1:25:16
  Yeah.
• 1:25:19
  There's two things that we can really do, again, be kind to people.
• 1:25:22
  Yeah.
• 1:25:23
  Right? And send love on people.
• 1:25:25
  Yep.
• 1:25:25
  And try to understand people.
• 1:25:27
  Yep.
• 1:25:27
  This is just one, us just talking-
• 1:25:31
  Yeah
• 1:25:31
  ... is just one part of life, right?
• 1:25:34
  Yeah.
• 1:25:34
  A little speck of life.
• 1:25:36
  Yeah.
• 1:25:38
  And what we do on a daily, we're
• 1:25:44
  just a speck of sand, guys.
• 1:25:45
  Yep.
• 1:25:46
  It doesn't have to be crazy hard.
• 1:25:52
  Yeah.
• 1:25:53
  Open up.
• 1:25:54
  Everyone struggles.
• 1:25:55
  Everyone's, they're struggling.
• 1:25:57
  Yeah.
• 1:25:57
  Whether you're hiding,
• 1:26:02
  don't hide.
• 1:26:03
  Yeah. I love that. Yeah, because then it might be that it keeps a lid on
• 1:26:09
  your-
• 1:26:10
  Yeah
• 1:26:10
  ... superpower.
• 1:26:11
  Yeah.
• 1:26:11
  So turn that trauma to a superpower.
• 1:26:14
  Boom.
• 1:26:14
  Yeah.
• 1:26:14
  That's what we're doing right now.
• 1:26:16
  Hell yeah.
• 1:26:17
  That's what we're doing right now.
• 1:26:17
  I love that.
• 1:26:18
  That's one thing I did all the time is hide.
• 1:26:22
  Not anymore.
• 1:26:23
  I used to get so blown out of my mind-
• 1:26:26
  Yeah
• 1:26:27
  ... and I would hide-
• 1:26:28
  Yeah
• 1:26:28
  ... like a little child.
• 1:26:29
  Yeah.
• 1:26:30
  Hide. I'm hiding. What am I hiding from?
• 1:26:32
  Yeah. Yourself.
• 1:26:33
  Stop hiding. Come out. Let's go.
• 1:26:34
  Yourself. Yeah.
• 1:26:37
  It's so funny. But no, guys, you're not alone. Just love on each other.
• 1:26:42
  Yeah.
• 1:26:44
  And know that there is a Jesus, there is a God. There is a God.
• 1:26:49
  And he's got great plans for you. Even when you can't see him, he's working.
• 1:26:55
  That's so true. I love that. Thank you so much, Marcus-
• 1:26:58
  Yeah. No, thank you, doctor
• 1:27:00
  ... for coming out-
• 1:27:00
  I appreciate it
• 1:27:01
  ... joining me in the studio tonight.
• 1:27:01
  No, this was awesome.
• 1:27:03
  Let's do it again.
• 1:27:05
  Yeah.
• 1:27:05
  Love that.
• 1:27:06
  Yeah, let's.
• 1:27:06
  Thanks for joining us, guys. "Microbox Jeep."