Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #267 Playful Parenting

Transcript

#267 Playful Parenting · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers mew.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Margin means that there's room around the edges for you
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: to do the stuff that lights you up, that's playful,
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: that's fun, that brings you joy.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: And now here's the stars of our show, My mum
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: and dad. What's your favorite game in the car?
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: I don't have a favorite game in the car.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: I like to eat in the car. Is that why
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: there's always crumbs everything?
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: I like to sing?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, singing is good. Singing is fun, Singing is playful.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: What about I spy?
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: Though? Surely you like I spy.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Don't get me started with I spy.
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  Speaker 3: You don't like to play though, do you?
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  Speaker 1: It doesn't come very naturally to me, if that's what
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: you're asking.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, So this is something that I've discovered as
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: I watch parents. Actually, we should introduce ourselves for those who.
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: Are new to the podcast. I'm justin French.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: I've written six books about raising happy families, and you are.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: I'm Kylie and I missus happy family.
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: Who doesn't like to play games?
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Oh you're hilarious.
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  Speaker 3: Actually you do like playing games? But I do.
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  Speaker 1: I love playing quirkle and I love playing blocks. They're
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: all bright colors. I love.
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  Speaker 3: The competitive You like to destroy our children's self esteem.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: That you demolishing so bad.
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  Speaker 2: So today we're talking about playful households because something that
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: I've noticed about parents is that we don't often look
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: like we're having fun when we're with our kids. When
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: you watch parents in the shopping and it's probably unfair
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: because shops, kids hate shops.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: I don't know any parent who loves taking their kids
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  Speaker 1: to the shops.
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  Speaker 2: I don't know any child who likes going to the shops.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: And that's that's the kind of the reason that was unfair.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: But even at the park, a lot of parents look bored.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: They don't want to be with their kids, And I reckon,
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  Speaker 2: we need to talk about how to have fun, how
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: to have a more playful family environment.
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  Speaker 1: Well that all sounds really, you know, dandy, but the
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  Speaker 1: reality is life's hard. I just think about the person
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: who comes home, whether it's Mum or Dad or Bob.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: You've been at work all day and you get home
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  Speaker 1: and you just want to have a few minutes of downtime.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and with COVID you don't even get that because
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: coming home means leaving the study and walking into the
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  Speaker 2: living room.
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  Speaker 3: There's no time to decompress like it's.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: On and then every single person, whether it be your
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  Speaker 1: spouse or your partner or your children, everybody wants a
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: piece of you. And you just want to decompress after
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: the day that you've had, and you know, compartmentalize everything,
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: and you don't get that, And so how are you
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: supposed to be playful with all of that?
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  Speaker 2: I was going to say, it is hard to be
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: playful because not only have you got to try to
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  Speaker 2: find the ability to smile and joke around and have
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: a nice time with people, but you're also juggling this
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: really significant issue of the cooking needs to be done,
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: the cleaning needs to be done, and everything needs to
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: be ready for tomorrow, and there's loads of washing to
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: put on or take out of the dryer.
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  Speaker 3: So there's a lot going on.
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  Speaker 2: And yet we know that kids who have high quality
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: playtime with their parents more resilient, they learn better boundaries,
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: they have a higher level of connectedness and relatedness. Being
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  Speaker 2: playful at home is one of the easiest things that
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: we can do to build connection. Fill the relationship bucket
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  Speaker 2: full of water, that gorgeous stuff that makes everyone feel
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  Speaker 2: so good about life. And I reckon, as hard as
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: it is, and we should acknowledge that as you have,
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  Speaker 2: it's really important for parents to get reminders regularly to
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  Speaker 2: be playful. So I reckon, we should have a conversation
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: about how we can be more playful. And there's three
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  Speaker 2: things that I think we need.
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  Speaker 1: Number one, margin, Oh really, what's margin?
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  Speaker 2: Margin means that there's room around the edges for you
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  Speaker 2: to do the stuff that lights you up, that's playful,
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  Speaker 2: that's fun, that brings you joy.
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  Speaker 3: So we need margin margin. What's your point?
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  Speaker 2: I feel like you're kind of digging the knife in
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  Speaker 2: in a passive aggressive way and trying to injure me here.
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  Speaker 3: What's maybe? What are you saying?
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  Speaker 1: I'm sure everyone else will work it out.
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  Speaker 3: What are you saying?
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  Speaker 1: Come on, I don't think we have a lot of
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  Speaker 1: margin in our lives.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, So six kids, a business, a podcast, blah blah
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  Speaker 3: blah blah blah. But we can still have a sense
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: of time affluence, can't we.
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  Speaker 1: Sure if you follow me while you have a conversation,
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  Speaker 1: as I clean the house and the washing, help.
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  Speaker 3: With that thing you do.
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  Speaker 2: So the first thing is margin, and I reckon we
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: need to be really intentional about that, which is the
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  Speaker 2: second thing. Margin requires intention, So if we're going to
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: be playful with our kids, we have to be intentional
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  Speaker 2: about not just being playful, but intentional about creating the
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  Speaker 2: margin so that we've got the headspace to play without
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  Speaker 2: being stressed and saying, oh, for goodness, ex we haven't
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  Speaker 2: got time for this.
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  Speaker 3: Got a bit.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm going to ask you a question then, around
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  Speaker 1: that intention. Did you feel very playful when the roof
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  Speaker 1: fell in?
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  Speaker 2: Well, there are times to be playful, and there are
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: times to pick up the damage that's caused by a
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: bath that has overflowed into the TV room downstairs, and
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  Speaker 2: cause the life is.
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  Speaker 1: Hard, and whether it's the ceiling caving in, there is
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  Speaker 1: stuff going on all the time, and as parents, it
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  Speaker 1: can be really really hard to find the right mind.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, so two things about that though.
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  Speaker 2: First of all, people's roofs don't fall in every day,
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  Speaker 2: even metaphorically. And secondly, we have started laughing about it
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: now that we're a few days down the track and
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  Speaker 2: we've realized that it's only going to cost a couple
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: of thousand dollars and not the jillion dollars that we
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: thought it was going to be. Even though that's a
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: horrible thing to have to go through, we're at the
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  Speaker 2: point now where we can geel about it and it's funny.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: The third thing we need if we're going to have
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: a playful household is margin, intention, and mindset. We've actually
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: got to have the mindset that life is fun, that
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  Speaker 2: life is to be enjoyed, and that our family relationships
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: can be playful and enjoyable. Now, I don't think that
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: sarcasm is playful. I think sarcasm is usually rude and unkind.
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  Speaker 2: But we can be playful in our relationships with the
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  Speaker 2: right margin, the right mindset, and the right intention.
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: Let's talk about what that looks like in practice. Right
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: after the break. It's the Happy Families Podcast.
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: Imagine a home where discipline got result without anyone having
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: to feel bad or in trouble. The Do's and don'ts
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: of Discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: with love, compassion, and humanity. Find it now at happy
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: families dot com dot au slash shop.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast, The podcast for the time
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: poor parent who just wants answers now and today we
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: are talking about what a playful household looks like. I've
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: been thinking about this and thinking about our Mother's Day disaster,
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: and I'm wondering whether or not you could have actually
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: invited everybody down so they could have had a water fight.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: That would have been playful, that.
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  Speaker 2: Would have been breathtakingly playful. I wish, I wish that
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  Speaker 2: I'd done that. See now I'm feeling bad for being
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  Speaker 2: a big grump and saying Mother's a's ruined because somebody's
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: flooded the bathroom and the rest of the house.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Hindsight is a wonderful thing, is it not.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, it is. But it's also a great opportunity to
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: learn to be better. So next time we do flood
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  Speaker 3: the house, we'll have a water fight. Okay, that's my
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: promise to you. I'll replay something to you.
• 6:55
  Speaker 5: You ready, Oh, hy there and welcome to me, and
• 6:57
  Speaker 5: I so order sell it. That aren't really salads. Today's
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  Speaker 5: ingredients for snicker salad.
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  Speaker 3: That's right.
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  Speaker 5: In Minnesota, snickers and apples can make a salad. I
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  Speaker 5: never said it was healthy. If you want to make
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  Speaker 5: the salad extra Minnesotan use honeycrisp apples, which were developed
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  Speaker 5: at the University of Minnesota in nineteen sixty. Mix one
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  Speaker 5: package of vanilla pudding into one cup of buttermilk. Chop
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  Speaker 5: eight apples.
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  Speaker 3: Add your chopped apples to the pudding.
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  Speaker 5: Lots of recipes say to take the skins off, but
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  Speaker 5: I say leave them on, because where else are we
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  Speaker 5: getting fiber in our diet. Chop your snickers? How many
• 7:29
  Speaker 5: snickers you ask? Measure that with your heart fold in
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  Speaker 5: at least one top of cool it. But if you
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  Speaker 5: have too many apples, you'll need two tups. And there
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  Speaker 5: you have it, Snickers salad. And yes, I also use
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  Speaker 5: milky way because I think it tastes like a caramel apple.
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  Speaker 5: When it's all done, it does sound like fun.
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  Speaker 1: A snack is salad that sounds like I've got Cinderella
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  Speaker 1: in my kitchen.
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  Speaker 3: So better? How playful?
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  Speaker 1: Right?
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  Speaker 3: How much fun?
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  Speaker 2: You know what I really loved on Instagram in the
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  Speaker 2: last week or so, maybe the last two weeks, Hamish Blake.
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  Speaker 2: He's got this tradition and it's brilliant.
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  Speaker 3: It's not as crazy, scary, horrible as a Minnesota salad
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  Speaker 3: that snickers and apples with extra fiber. If you leave
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  Speaker 3: the skin on what is going on there.
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  Speaker 2: But Hamish Blake made a commitment to one of his
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  Speaker 2: kids that every single year he would bake that child
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  Speaker 2: whatever cake he wanted.
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  Speaker 1: He clearly doesn't have six children.
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  Speaker 3: No he doesn't, he has two.
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  Speaker 2: But he promised that he would bake the cake for
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  Speaker 2: the birthday every single year, whatever cake the kid wants.
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  Speaker 2: And this year the cake took Hamish. He created this
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  Speaker 2: Pokemon thing that opens and closes. It does so manually,
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: and it's in a bottle of jello, and there's cake
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: and there's there's just stuff everywhere. He was up until
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: one am. He started at seven pm, finished at one am.
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  Speaker 2: Consumed a surprising him out of alcohol while he was
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: doing it to get through the night, I think, but I.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: Just thought, here's this guy.
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  Speaker 2: Now, obviously he's a comedian and everyone in Australia knows
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: Hamish Blake is. He's one of our most loved comedians
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  Speaker 2: and he's also clearly a really devoted that and if
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: you follow on Instagram see that. But we talk about
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: playfulness and if you go through those three things that
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: I was talking about, margin, Hamish Blake has created the
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: margin that he needs to bake the cake every single year,
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  Speaker 2: no matter what it takes. Intention he's really intentional about
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  Speaker 2: being playful. And third, he's got a mindset that says,
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: I'm here for my kids and I want their lives
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  Speaker 2: to be joy and fun.
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  Speaker 3: Now that takes the cake, can I say that.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: You're so bad? So bad?
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  Speaker 2: But what I love about that story is that all
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: of us can do our own version of that in
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  Speaker 2: our homes. It doesn't have to involve ovens and icing
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: mixture and pokemon or anything like that.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: But I'd like to see you take that one on.
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  Speaker 3: I'm going to bake a cake this weekend. Okay, let's see.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not saying it's going to be fancy, it's gonna
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: come straight out of a packet, but I'll bake a
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  Speaker 2: cake just to prove that I can.
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  Speaker 3: And then I'm going to eat it in front of you.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Oh is that right?
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: To prove that I can bake a cake, I might
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  Speaker 2: share some of it with you. So let's talk about
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: some ways that we can be playful in our homes.
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  Speaker 3: What do you reckon? Well, look, you've set me up to.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Be the unplayful person in our family.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: Well, okay, let me ask you a question. Then, proved
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: me wrong. When was the last time that you played
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: any kind of wrestling game with the kids.
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  Speaker 1: I'm not going to wrestle with the kids. Do you
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: know how much I'm spending with my exercise physiologists to
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: get my neck and shoulders.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: Or back to normal.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, they told me I had a cheeseboard for a back.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: I rest my case a cheeseboard for a bit.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: I'm supposed to have cheese spine, but I have a
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: cheeseboard spine.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: Who says that, I don't know. So, but you're not
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: playful because you don't wrestle the kids, right, No, that's
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: not true. Okay, tell me when you play with the kids.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: Well, we put the music on really loud in the
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: mornings when you're off gallivanting around the country size I
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: don't know, surfing, or whatever else you do at that
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: early hour of the morning, we put the music up
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  Speaker 1: really loud, and we dance. You should see Emily's moves. Awesome.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: Okay, So but do you dance or do you just
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: send the musicals?
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: I dance? Where do you think they got their moves from?
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: Not one of us can dance? All right, Well, that
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: kind of takes care of my first three things that
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: I had on my list dancing and singing. They're great
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: ways for us to play with our kids.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: I rest my case.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: Okay, what else have you got on your list for
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: how we can be more playful?
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: Look, I think one of the most favorite things that
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: I love doing is when we break the rules.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: Oh tell me more about that.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: Well, we have certain rules. The kids go to bed
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: at seven thirty, We don't watch a TV.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: If they do not. It makes us sound so perfect.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: When was the last time our kids went to bed
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  Speaker 2: at side?
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  Speaker 1: I'm saying our kids, I'm just saying, you have rules,
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: got and seven thirty might be a time frame that
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: some people put their children to beds or you might
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: you might have a rule that you eat a main
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: meal before you have dessert, yes, Or you might have
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: a rule that you don't watch TV on school nights.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: Uh huh, anything like, we've all got rules and you're
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: saying you can be more playful if you break the rules.
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, How cool is it when your kids come home
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: from school and you go, you know what, We're going
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: to have a movie night tonight. And I know we
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: usually eat at the dinner table, but we're going to
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: have dinner in front of the TV.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: I'm still going to argue that a movie not it's
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: the best way to be playful, but I take your point.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: It's great to do that. One of my favorite ways
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: to be playful is we play this game with the kids.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: I know you hate it because it destroys your beautifully
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: made bed every time we play this game called Pushed
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: That off the Bed. It started when our eldest was
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: our only child and she was only a couple of
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: years old, and she started trying to push me off
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: the bed one day and that turned into a game
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: and has been going for twenty years.
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: And I usually get injured. I need to go and.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: See a messoge so to hire a practor the bed
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: takes an absolute hammering as well.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: But we pushed that off the bed.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: And then once I'm off the bed, the kids jump
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: on and I've got to get all of them off
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: the bed at the same time, which is getting increasingly
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: difficult the older and bigger that they get. But playfulness
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: goofing off the intention, the mindset and having the margin
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: for it.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: These are some ideas that maybe will help your family
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: to be a little more playful tonight.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: Well, I think we can be really playful tonight. If
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: you organized dinner.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: I'll tell you what donuts for dinner.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: Ah.
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: Yes, done will.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: Break the rules and we'll sing really loud while we're
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: eating them. We really hope you've enjoyed the podcast. We
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: have so much fun playing around with these ideas and
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: sharing them with you. We will not be talking about
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: Minnesota salads ever.
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: Again. Snickers and apple should never be combined in the
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: same recipe.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Thing that sounds really good, of course you do, just
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: not with donuts.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not going to make that for your cake
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: this weekend. That's a guarantee. Thanks so much for listening tomorrow.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: A Q and A from one of our listeners via
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: podcasts at Happy families dot com dot U. Michelle wants
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: to know about how to help her eight year old
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: with some body image issues and I can't wait for
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: Wednesday Maggie Dent talking about raising boys. It's going to
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: be a conversation that I'm really really looking forward to.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: Maggie's a superstar when it comes to talking about boys,
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: and that's coming up then. The Happy Families podcast is
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: produced by Justin Ruhlan from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: our executive producer and if you want more info about
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: how to make your family happier, we have to do
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: is jump onto Facebook.
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: Dr Justin Coulson's Families or visit our website
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: Where you can get all the info you need Happy
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: families dot com dot au