Latest / Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive / April 11, 2017 | Expresso - Bonnie Haag

Transcript

April 11, 2017 | Expresso - Bonnie Haag · Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I just stopped and told She here, I hope I do as well as she did.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: We all do.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure it's going to happen, sweetheart.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I just hope that what I share tonight will encourage you to encourage someone else.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you never know when someone's going through a difficult time.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And as I look back, I just think of all the people that have encouraged me and helped me be where I am today.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: And the other thing I'd say is make sure you take time to invite someone to church or invite them to a fellowship where they can hear about God and learn to love Jesus.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because it was through a friend that I became a Christian.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll tell you my story.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And you've all seen those bumper stickers, I know.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: K-S-U?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: K-U.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: No, honey, that's not the kind of divided I was in.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Mine was divided by several things.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: My daddy was a non-practicing Catholic, but his faith was important to him.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: My mother was raised in a congregational church, but there was no spirituality in my home.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: I was my daddy's girl, and my sister was definitely the favorite child of my mother's.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: My mother ruled.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And in fact, my daddy was afraid of her.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the oldest of two children, born into a home where my mother was very strict.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: There were no cards in our house, no dominoes.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: You could not wear jeans because they were way too revealing.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And heaven forbid you did not own a swimsuit.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Although we had a small uh neighborhood pool not too far from us, but I didn't own a swimsuit.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: My sister was nearly four and a half years younger than I was, and she was left-handed.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now, why would I mention that?
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I was brought up believing, or maybe somewhat believing, that if you were left-handed, you were very smart.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm right-handed.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know that I appreciate that.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: But now here's the other part.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: You may be very smart, but you were very clumsy.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And because she was left-handed, she couldn't wash dishes.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: She could not dry dishes.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: She couldn't run the sweeper because she'd run into furniture.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And certainly she could not dust because she was going to knock things over.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think you're getting the picture.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, my family did not attend church of any kind, and I was told repeatedly, and I do mean repeatedly, there are hypocrites in church.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Church is where you went if you wanted to be seen by people as being good.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: But if you were good, you didn't need to go to church.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, from an early age, I'd have to say I was abused.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: I was always doing something, and I do mean always doing something that was not pleasing to my mother.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: I have a scar here on my lip.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: I have a big scar here on my chin.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Both of those required stitches.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: My family is what you would consider poor, and I do mean poor.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: My daddy worked as an insurance salesman, and then he worked part-time on the weekends as a mechanic in a filling station.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I say filling station, my daughter probably doesn't even know what that is because that's back when they washed windows and filled your car and those things, you know.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Well, uh, that's what daddy did on the weekends.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: We moved four times before I was in the sixth grade.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I never had any long-term friends.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: My mother went to work as a clerk in a grocery store when they bought a small home over in Oakland, and we moved out of government subsidized housing.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was about 11 or 12, and that's when I assumed the duties of cleaning house and cooking the evening meal.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, mother planned the menu, but I was the chef.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And following dinner, I was the one who washed dishes and cleaned with the kitchen.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I've told you we moved to a new neighborhood, and of course I knew no one.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: And a minister from a nearby church came and called on our family.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: It was a young minister who was very active in youth ministry, and he really made it sound wonderful.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Well, a new friend of mine invited me to go to the same church.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: It was a Presbyterian church.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, let me tell you, I was so confused when he kept referring to people as Christians.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: I was in a Presbyterian church.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: There was a Christian church just about two blocks from the Presbyterian church, and yet he was calling us Christians.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: You can imagine my confusion when he referred to the Holy Spirit and the three and one.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, this was never mentioned in our home.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh well, when I came home from church and I said I had a new friend, my mother replied, she must feel sorry for you.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then on a Sunday I came home and I said there was this sweet little old lady, she probably wasn't as old as I am now, but anyway, we were singing songs and she patted me on the shoulder and she said, So you have this voice of a songbird.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody would say that nowadays, but we, you know, when you're 12 or 13, somebody would say that and encourage you.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I went home and my mother said, Songbird.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: More like a cackling blue jay.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I didn't know blue, I didn't know blue jays cackled, but that's what I was told then, so that was okay.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, within a few months, the minister who was so good with the youth left the church to go to a larger one.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that was fuel for my mother, because all she could say is, Well, you said he was called.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if he was called, he would stay.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: He's only interested in money, he's not interested in youth.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, my new friends and I enjoyed being part of a group, and it was it was always fun.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Those new friends of mine were called many things, but none that I'll repeat tonight.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: It was always the same thing.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: They were always misfits, because that's the way she referred to me.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Your friends are misfits just like you.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that summer they were hosting vacation Bible school, and during that week I not only learned who Jesus is, but I got to know him on a personal basis, and I found out how easy he is to talk to.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: And there was no criticism that was coming back from him.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was just a feeling of love.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: But can you imagine being so excited about finding a new friend like Jesus and having to keep it all inside yourself?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I could not go home and talk about it.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: After all I've shared with you, there's only hypocrites in church.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, now that I knew Jesus, I knew I wanted to know him more.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And now came the bargaining with my mother.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I could go to church if when she came home Saturday afternoon the house was clean.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: She couldn't find any dust anywhere, or I couldn't go.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you can imagine what I did on Saturdays.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: I cleaned house.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I really cleaned house because I wanted to go to church.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: And my sister couldn't help.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: She was left-handed.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: And because she was so super smart, she could study.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: So she did get good grades.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: She studied a lot.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I continued cleaning house every Saturday, and on most Sundays I could go to church.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, though, she'd raise a doily and there'd be dust under it.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Or she'd go over to a baseboard.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know about the rest of you.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, anyway.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I didn't get to go.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and I was constantly criticized.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: My nose is too big.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't pull my hair back because my ears stick out too much, and that would emphasize them.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: And heaven forbid, don't smile and show your teeth because I needed braces and my teeth were ugly.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: So when you smiled, don't do it with your teeth showing.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Oh well, my life didn't change much.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: I finished high school, found a job the following week working at Capitol Federal, and I started paying rent.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: I went to Washburn full-time.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: I worked part-time to pay for it, and I took a bus home from work to start the evening meal because I couldn't afford tuition and a car.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: I studied at night and I cleaned house on Saturdays.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: I loved school and it was just a fun time.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Anytime I was away from home, I wasn't being criticized and I loved life.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was able to escape from the yelling, and I was a good student.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Does that surprise you guys?
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Well, anyway, I was finally good at something, and I couldn't ever do anything at home that was quite up to par because I enjoyed the praise at work.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: I quit college after two years to work full-time at Capitol Federal.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it was a mistake, but you've got to remember where I was at the time, and they were so good to me.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: I just loved them.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, several years later, I went to work at Topeka High School, and I worked in the uh guidance office to an assistant principal and to excuse me, to two of the guidance counselors.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I will tell you, it was definitely where I was supposed to be.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, God placed me there.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I say that over and over and over again.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: It was during that time, though, that a friend introduced me to Jerry, and we started a four and a half year of dating.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: He was kind, he was understanding, and yes, he was a Christian.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: But he had a dance band, too.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um Jerry has still never had a drink in his life, but because he played in bars, he wasn't any good.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um I have to tell you, our first date was on a Sunday evening.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Ho ho ho.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: We went to a movie, and you didn't do anything on Sundays.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: And we went to a movie.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mentioned that working at Topekai was such a blessing for me.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: I met two wonderful caring people who would become a very important part of my life.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: The assistant principal had five sons, and each soon became like a little brother to me when they would come and visit their dad.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then a lady in the main office was an accountant, and she soon became like a mom.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: What gifts they were to me.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: After dating and breaking up and dating and breaking up again, Jerry and I became engaged for the third time.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: After four and a half years.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: And she cut cake that evening.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Chick would tell you, Chick Gordon, Charles, but he never nobody called him Chuck.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: He was Chick.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Chick said he had five boys, so he'd never have to walk a girl down the aisle.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: But he walked me down the aisle.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: He and Bonnie were legal guardians to Kevin and Kelly.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: And we went to Florida every other year so they would know that their family, and then Bonnie and Chick tried to come up here the alternate year.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Bertie, the accountant, made sure that I had a personal shower, and she gave me many tips to make sure that our wedding would be even more memorable.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: Who would know that when I changed jobs, what a blessing these two would be to me for the next 50 plus years?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Chick entered heaven last year.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still very close to Bonnie and the five boys and their wives.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's it is that great, big, wonderful family.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is hard.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Bertie, who was like a mother to me when my own mother didn't want to be, entered heaven the 17th of March.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: God knew how much I needed both of them.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you just a little bit about Bertie.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Bertie was 94 when she died.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: And last winter, probably November, she wanted me to take her to the mall and have her ears pierced.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: One of hers had grown closed, and she wanted to have some flashy earrings for the holidays.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Is that not the way to live?
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: They moved her from Topeka to Kansas City on a Monday.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: And she wanted to make sure that I would be there and polish her nails so they would look nice.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I think, wow, I mean, really, these two people that God put in my life.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let me back up just a little bit though.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: I rented a small apartment with a cousin of Jerry's because I couldn't have afforded it on my own.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: We had two rooms, and it was over a garage.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now stop and think about how big that was.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Living room.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: No, not too big.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Kitchen not too big either.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, it was a it was a luxury.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: I told my daddy I was going to move out, and he told me not to tell my mother until I was out of the house.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I waited until she left for work that morning.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: I put my personal things in the back seat of the car because I didn't have a great deal.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: My 13-year-old car, I was so proud of it.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: But it worked, it worked just fine for a while.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then I left a note asking for forgiveness.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, a couple weeks later, as I'm going through the few things in my car, I realize I have left some things behind that I really wanted.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: In particular, a new pair of shoes.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I called.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: She would put the items in a box in the alley on Saturday morning.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: The trashman came on Saturday morning.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I was told when I could get there.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if I didn't get there in time, the trashman would take them.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: They'd be gone forever.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, while working at Topeka High School, my mother on more than one occasion called to tell me she was telling me goodbye.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: She'd always just taken a bottle of pills or she had drank something, and she was calling to tell me she was dying.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: Chick was always very understanding, and he always allowed me to leave immediately because I could not take a chance.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: By the time I'd get home, my mother had always gotten sick, you know, thrown up whatever it was, and her desire to commit suicide had failed.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: She said she was depressed because I was being seen with that bad guy or that no good guy.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: She would tell me if I knew about him, what she knew about him, I wouldn't be seen with him.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, after over four years, I think I'd met all of his friends.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: I loved his mom and dad, his sister, and I certainly knew he wasn't what she was trying to portray him as.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now back to my upcoming wedding.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: No, my parents didn't issue invitations, nor did they come to the wedding.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, my mother wrote the newspaper asking them not to publish my picture if I submitted it.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Then, after it was in the newspaper, she wrote them and asked them to put in a correction stating I was not their daughter.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's a little after the fact, isn't it, when you're 22 years old?
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the night before our wedding, she called the minister.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: And she asked him not to marry us either.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we were married in Jerry's family's home church in Grantville.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: The wedding was beautiful, except it was a very hot day.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that many years ago, I know some of you have you've already pointed out to me how young you are.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: That many years ago there was no air conditioning in the church.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: But our family, all of our friends, not all of our friends, as many as could come were there.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: But my aunts, my uncles, my cousins, they were all there from both sides of the family.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: And my boss with the five boys walked me down the aisle.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: About three years after we were married, our son Kevin was born.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: Ladies, in my heart, I still wanted that love of my mother.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I had hoped that this might melt away some of the hostility that she had.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: I hoped she'd enjoy being a grandma.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I was still in hopes of gaining her love.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, she let me know in no uncertain terms, she was disappointed we had a son.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: She wanted a granddaughter.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we were now a family of three.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: We had a church family, we had lots of family and many friends.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I was happy it didn't matter, you know.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Three years later, our daughter Kelly was born.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now she was premature, and we had to leave her in the hospital after I was released.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: And my mother decided she'd like to buy cute little pink things.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, once again, I thought maybe we could have a family relationship.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well, as the kids grew a little older, we went down to visit my parents with an invitation, and my sister asked if she could take Kevin and Kelly for an ice cream cone.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: I was delighted.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: It sounded so good.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now Kevin was old enough to tell me that after the ice cream, during the ice cream outing, my sister told him how bad I was and how bad his dad was.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that was kind of a dirty trick.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'd let my guard down, and look what happened.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I continued to buy gifts for both of them, like birthdays and Christmas and that type of thing.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the gifts were returned on our front porch.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: They'd never been unwrapped.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Or a plant that I bought, you know, the kind you really strive to just see that it's the prettiest one there, and it's going to have blooms that are going to blossom in a few days, and they're not all out.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you spend time.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: It was back on the front porch several weeks later, it had never been watered.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it was difficult to buy a card saying how wonderful this person was, or that she was so loved.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: But I tried.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: I volunteered at the school a lot, called and wondered if I wanted to be the secretary over there.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, you know, as a room brother and everything, I'd gotten to know him and apparently he thought I could do it.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Well, at work one day I had a meltdown.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what that term was then.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'd say it was a bawling time.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: For those of you who don't know, though, then that's what it was.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but the school nurse was there and she was a delight.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Loved her, loved her, loved her.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: And she said to me, Bonnie, don't know whether you know it, but you can go to Minninger's.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: You youngers don't even know what it probably is either, but a very, a very a very, very expensive psychiatric hospital here in town.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: She said, You can go to Minninger's.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: It will not go on your personnel record, and it won't cost you a thing.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I agreed.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: God arranged for me to get in that afternoon.
• 21:59
  unknown: Well
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: That was almost unheard of.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I go out, and this grandpa type figure.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm glad Jerry's not here because he won't like this description of a grandpa.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: But kind of a big guy, but but just one of those big, warm, kind-hearted smiles, the kind that you just simply loved.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: We sat down and talked a bit.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: He kind of wanted to know why, you know, I was having so much trouble.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, after talking to him for not very long, he said, You've lived the life of Cinderella.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: He said, It's it fits you well, but you don't have to live it anymore.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: You've got the glass slipper.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then he turned to me and he said something I'll never forget.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: He said, You're smart.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: He said, if you touch a stove and you get burned, you're not going to touch that stove again.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you keep trying to get your mom's respect?
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: She is a burning stove.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: He said, she'll let you climb the ladder a little bit and then she's going to pull it out from underneath you.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: Don't let her do that.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, this was coming from a professional.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, the problem is hers.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: This problem is not yours.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: And don't let it become yours.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'll jump ahead a little bit.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: On the afternoon that we were preparing to host the rehearsal dinner for our son Kevin and his wife, I learned my daddy had been served divorce papers.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: They'd been married over 51 years.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: My mother's timing was always perfect in any way to cause me heartache and grief.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: He left the house that day without much of anything, and he would not be able to come to his only grandson's wedding.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: He came over every Saturday morning, and one Saturday morning he brought a copy of an Ann Lander's or Dear Abbey column.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: It was referring to a man who felt his wife might be poisoning him.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Daddy, and he said, Why do you think I make my own coffee every morning?
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I can't, I I can't imagine, but Daddy had hernia repair surgery.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: And during that time he seemed to pull away from us.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: I called the doctor, and this was back before a lot of HIPAA rules, and he said, no, there was, I thought maybe Daddy had something terminal, and he was thinking, you know, he could protect me by.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: He said, no, he says, sometimes after surgery, their personality changes.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: And he says it might take six months, but he says, he'll be fine.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, during that time, my mother and sister decided to be his friend.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they were going to take care of him.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: Well, during that time, they talked him into changing his will.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: Everything in his will was to be left, or in his estate, as small as it was, was to be left to Kevin and Kelly.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, at the time he died, I was told that he died from a blood clot as a result of the surgery.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it was never questioned.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: But then a few weeks ago, I had several of my cousins over, and one of them brought family pictures.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: Her husband's now deceased, and she brought family pictures that, you know, been around for years and years.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: And we sat there and we laughed, and we had the dog gone best time.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I pulled out one of these pictures and I said, look at this picture.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is so good of my daddy.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: He was a young, good-looking man, and I just loved it.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then one of them said, I sure wish we'd had an autopsy.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that thought had never occurred to me.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: But they all agreed that it had been discussed a lot amongst the family.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: That my aunt in Louisiana called and wanted to know if we'd had an autopsy.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: And this was my that was my daddy's favorite two.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, they thought daddy had been poisoned by my mother or my sister.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: Anytime I received any recognition in the newspaper, like when I was named president for the state professional secretary's organization, my mother would send me a note saying, it's obvious I wasn't being a good mother.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: I was only trying to impress somebody.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: My children were being neglected while I was pursuing fame, she said.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: When I served as chairman for Christian Businesswomen, she wanted to know why I still wanted to be around a bunch of hypocrites.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, about two years after my daddy died, there'd been no verbal communication with my mother or my sister.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: I received a call from a cousin on my mother's side that lived in Arkansas.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: The cousin said my mother had died two days earlier.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: Well, of course I was shocked.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Well, there's been no obituary in the newspaper.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: And my cousin said, No, there won't be until after the funeral because they don't want you there.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, so I called the funeral home that I thought she would be using and asked if I could come over and pay my last respects.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, Well, certainly he didn't know there was another daughter.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: He'd been told there was one.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: And she was there at the time.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: But if I'd wait about an hour, I could come.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I called my mother's brother, and he and his wife, and Jerry, and I went over.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: His name wasn't to be in the obituary either.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so I paid my last respects and I wrote my name in the guest book.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, when the mortician sent me a copy, my name had been blotted out.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: Big old black mark cross there.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: Well, isn't it ironic?
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: When Chick died last year, they had his obituary printed in the Topeka paper, too, and it listed his five sons, and it ended with our number one daughter, and her husband, Bonnie Haig and Jerry.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: I tell you he was special.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this past year my sister died.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: My cousin, who lived in Kansas City, had come to Topeka to take pictures of the markers.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: She was doing some genealogy.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: And while taking pictures of the markers, grandmas and aunts and uncles, there's a marker for my sister.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: She had died 11 months earlier.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: She lived here in town.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I was shocked.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: So once again, I called the mortar where my mother where my mother had been.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: I asked if he could tell me anything.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, Well, yeah, he could remember my situation with my mother, so yeah.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: There was no obituary in the paper.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: There was no service.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: We went on the internet and tried to find out something, it wasn't there.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I cannot begin to tell you, and this is almost something I hate to reveal about myself.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: But it was kind of a relief.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: God knew and still knows the hurt.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I have to tell you, we have two wonderful children.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: How much time do I have?
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: We have four adorable grandchildren.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's all.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'll have to tell you guys later about it then because those grandkids.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: They are so Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: Back to my story.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, anyway.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: Both families live in Tecumseh, and we are so grateful they're close.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, Satan still throws things at me, but we serve an awesome God.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: And the depression that I have now, and and as I look around, so many of you have have seen when I've been depressed.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's not from my background, it's a chemical imbalance that I have.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: God has helped me over and over and over again to realize just what the psychiatrist told me.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: This was not my problem.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I share my story with you tonight, not wanting sympathy by no means.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to know how much Jesus cares for us.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: He loves us, he wants us to have a good life, and each of us can have that life by accepting Jesus as our Savior.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad I did that as a young girl.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: I still have the Bible that was given to me by the minister who invited me to church because there was not a Bible in our house, and I still treasure that small white Bible.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: God promises never to forsake us.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: Only earthly individuals will do that.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: He never will.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: And to know peace, you have to know him.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: Accept him and allow him to work in your life.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: Be that light that someone else needs.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: Bring someone who is struggling to him so they can enjoy an abundant life of blessings that can only come from him.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, if you didn't have a happy childhood, it's not too late to have one now.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: And my friends will tell you that's exactly what I'm doing.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_00: And a childhood only lasts about this long, and the rest of your life is there to enjoy.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: So God is so good.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_00: But recently I heard a song that I like even better, and it's my new theme song, and it's Life is Great and It's Getting Better.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: Can you think of anything better?
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_00: Life is great and it's getting better.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: All of us have to grow old, but we don't have to grow up.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_00: Enjoy the life that God has blessed you with.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: Her mother is in her 90s, and she's just the sweet typical mom you'd want.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: And in that dream, my friend Linda was there, and she said to me, Don't worry about it.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_00: My mom has enough love to share with both of us.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, that's that's the type of encouragement you need on a bad day.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I would just say to you, once again, encourage somebody.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know what they're going through, and invite them to church.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, if it hadn't been for my friend who I still quilt with, you know, I might never have been exposed to Christianity until I met Jerry.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_00: And who knows whether Jerry would have had me if I wasn't a Christian.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: So keep encouraging and keep inviting people.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: And just remember, life is great and it's getting better.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for letting me share.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: For our 50th anniversary, Kelly made two scrapbooks for Jerry and I.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I was going through this past week, this one was probably the most important to me.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: Being a family means you are part of something very wonderful.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life, no matter what.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: Kelly could not have said anything any nicer.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's there in print.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: I get to look at it over and over again.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just a delight to feel that my prayers were answered.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: I did not abuse my kiddos.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_00: They would tell you maybe they were abused.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that bit of being drugged to church on Sunday, you know, that type of thing.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: No, um, this this to me, this just says it all.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_00: So thanks.
• 37:00
  unknown: Thank you.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_00: And thanks to my my knitting buddies who've all appeared and supported me tonight.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is a picture uh when daddy was in the service.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: Look at those curly-haired little girls.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that's just a happy time.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's from a high school graduation picture.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: You notice I didn't smile when we weren't supposed to do that.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I had dark hair, yeah.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_00: I got the wedding pictures up there when you were talking about your wedding, so they seem so those were timely, but they missed the first two.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to make sure they saw those.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much, Bonnie.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_00: That was great.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_00: And Shahira can't thank you, ladies enough, for coming up here and sharing your stories.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: It was really a blessing to assign them to that.