Latest / Soul Salon with Ayandastood / 22: you are not an imposter. write your spiritual resume 📝💛

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22: you are not an imposter. write your spiritual resume 📝💛 · Soul Salon with Ayandastood

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we have become so habituated to undermining, downplaying, minimizing and negating ourselves.
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Hello sunshine and welcome back to paradigm shift with I understood a place where we reframe
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what is and reimagine what could be. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Let's paradigm shift
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together. Many of us do not feel qualified to go after our very own dreams. We ask ourselves
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who am I to have a podcast, who am I to write a book, who am I to be a creator,
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who am I to write this screenplay that I've been dreaming about, who am I to start this
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business idea that I've had for years. We ask ourselves basically who am I to go after
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the very thing that I've been dreaming about. This can also look like oh I'm only 22 years old,
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I'm 28 by the way but I'm only 22 what do I have to say who am I to write a book or it could
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look like I don't have a PhD on this topic who am I to speak on it or you know I've done so much
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research on this already but I just don't think I know enough yet to share my voice with others.
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We may say to ourselves I've never been in a romantic relationship so how am I going to
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sustain one who am I to think that I have what it takes to sustain a long term romantic relationship
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when I've never done that. We are always asking ourselves who am I and in this process we deny and
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we negate all the rich experiences that we have had throughout our lives. We have grown up in a
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society that has a very narrow understanding of expertise and the reason why it's set up that
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way is so that we are dependent on institutions to tell us what we are qualified to do and the whole
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society protects this social structure and hierarchy through this idea of the expert and it's
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a very silencing force because then who gets to speak we are waiting for permission that is never
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going to arrive. Listen to that again okay we are waiting for someone to say you have the
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permission to speak now you are prepared now you are ready now you are qualified that's an illusion
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my love that's never going to come so we have to bring that into being we have to qualify ourselves
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and we have to write our own script our own spiritual resume is what I'm going to be calling it
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we need a broader view of ourselves we need to understand that every life experience that we have
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had is a form of knowledge and it's a form of knowledge that's never going to be recognized by an
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institution and because we tend to view ourselves through the lens of institutions we need to see
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that we will also never recognize this in ourselves if we are not very intentional about honoring the
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experiences that we have had throughout our lives everything that's happened to you and everything
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that you've happened to is knowledge is experience that informs a person you are in the perspective
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that you have every friendship you've ever maintained or had your heart broken in every heart
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break you've ever had every love story you've ever written every piece of advice you've given or
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received every job you've had everything you've created every relationship joy and struggle that
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you have faced each and every one of these are rich experiences that you draw from and that you
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can more consciously draw from as you think about what qualifies you to go after your own dreams
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your life is the air that you breathe and so sometimes it's so unremarkable to you
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that you forget all the experiences that you've had and you forget to take on this much broader
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and more comprehensive view of yourself and of your experiences
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the other thing that's not going to happen in our society is a more relational understanding of
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ourselves what do your friends say about you if you have friends or what have they said about
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you throughout your life what do people always kind of remark about you what have people
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thanked you for in their life are you the friend who they say oh wow you always give such great advice
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or oh wow you always know just what to say oh oh wow you really hit me with that difficult
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piece of advice or tough love that I really needed at the time oh wow you're so resourceful I always
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see you finding a way you find a way or look at what you've overcome look at what you've been through
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look at what you've survived so as we think about what we are qualified to do we got a trust in the
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collective if people throughout your life throughout time have said to you wow you know you are the
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person whose advice I love so much you are the person who always listens and you don't judge
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you are the person who really holds space for me you're the person who gives me the tough love
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when I need it who are you the person who that's a more relational understanding of you who have
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you been to the people in your life and is that role not something that you are qualified for
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with or without some sort of institution backing you and then because many people face loneliness
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and isolation who have you been to yourself what have you helped yourself overcome
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what have you told yourself to get through the highs and lows of life what do you find yourself
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advising yourself on that is a form of knowledge you are helping yourself cope you are the reason
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you are coping in a way you know what I mean and that is knowledge that you can use and that you
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draw from and that can inform the thing that you so badly want to go after what did you tell yourself
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during that breakup that firing that loss that grief what are you telling yourself now if you're going
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through those things now and then when you found love and magic and hope and joy what did you
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tell yourself then when you found pleasure and when you allow yourself to fully experience those
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what did you tell yourself that is a form of knowledge it's just not often recognized as such
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so each of these things form a tapestry from which we can draw from you know it's like the plant
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that doesn't understand that it's in soil that has so many minerals and nutrients and so much
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providing that plant and similarly the plant is secreting minerals and nutrients as well and so
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it's providing the soil so much I don't even know if that's scientifically true but it sounds
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legitimate to me and so we have to have a broader understanding ourselves we have to step out of
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the way that we have become so habituated to undermining downplaying minimizing and negating ourselves
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if you're listening to this I'm sure you're familiar with the analogy of the fish that doesn't
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even realize it's swimming in water because it's so habituated to that being it's everyday experience
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and so I think there's one fish that says to the other oh how's the water and the fish is like
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what water right so that's this idea when you translate that analogy to our society that culture
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and that society and that the way that we think and the way that we're made to live is so invisible to
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us we're so habituated to it that sometimes we don't even realize it's completely shaping our very
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lives and the way that we see ourselves but similarly our lives are the air that we breathe
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are the water we swim in so to us it's just what it is it's not remarkable it's not literally
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as in there's nothing to remark on it I don't even mean extraordinary I mean it's not notable
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it's not something to really take notice of because it's our lives but babes you're relating to
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yourself in the incorrect no let me not say incorrect you're relating to yourself in a way
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that downplays the fullness the richness of the life that you've lived because to someone else
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that's a very unique experience or that's an experience that speaks to them very directly
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so when you start to have this more wider view of yourself of like wow like this is the life
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I've lived I've lived a life I have things to say I was talking to someone who was telling me that
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she wants to write a book but she was like but I'm only this a I'm only 23 what do I have to say
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and yet from my perspective when she shared her experience that she wanted to write about I was
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like I don't have that experience I want to know more about that like you are the person who I want
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to know it from you've lived this experience that to you is like oh yeah I've lived this experience
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and maybe I'll have more but to me it's like oh my goodness like let's talk about this more
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you know and because you're young you're more proximate to the experience that you had
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so why not share it with us now while it's fresh fresh fresh in your mind I mean it's never too late
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I'm not saying but what I'm saying is these are the lies we tell ourselves that we're too young we're
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too old and yet there's something unique about those things if you're very old you probably
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undermine all the experiences that you've had you're just like oh I've lived a life I'm 53
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I'm 71 no you've lived a life and if you really took the time to unpack all the experiences
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you've had you'll see the wealth of knowledge and experiences that you have to share
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with others and we want to hear from you babes we want to hear from you so the richness of your
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life experiences is exactly the same as the water that the fish swims in or the air that we
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as humans breathe it has specific phenomena to it that unless you carefully study it are easy
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to erase and ignore your life experiences are so obvious to you that you can't even begin to see
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how interesting enlightening educational useful and in liveening they could be to someone else
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you feel so unremarkable that you don't even realize that there is a whole audience of people
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wherever they are are not offline that is seeking your exact experience to speak to make sense of
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and illuminate their own we are so used to our own lives that we don't even see how intriguing they
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could be to others our own ideas doesn't even have to be that you're sharing your life it could be
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your ideas it could be your thoughts just your perspective on the society and maybe you're surrounded
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by people who can't appreciate your voice and that is also making you downplay and undermine it
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i remember once i had an ex-boyfriend who had gone these rants too and he kind of just look at me like
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about society obviously about like the matrix and question everything and he'd just be like
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and then i'd make a tick talk about that same thing and what would it go viral okay
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and not that the outcome is what matters but the point there is that i he was also viewing
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me as water that was just being breathed or air that was being breathed he was not seeing
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anything intriguing or profound or noteworthy in what i was saying but when i shifted and changed
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and shared it to an audience that was willing to listen i didn't even know they were willing to
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listen suddenly they were willing to listen i got a whole different reaction in response and this
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began this journey it didn't begin at that time but it strengthened so as we as i just mentioned
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that example let's let's dive in let's switch into my experience with this topic how does this show
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up in my own life let me tell you about that okay let me tell you about that let's get into my
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experience so so i started out as a tick talk creator and then i was like seeing people have
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podcasts and i always have listened to podcasts not always obviously that's a little bit generous
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but i've listened to podcasts for a long time and i love them but i always thought like
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one day in the future like in the distant future i'll have enough to say or enough of a
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perspective or enough of permission to have a podcast but then i started to think i really want
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to have a podcast but then i thought to myself about who am i to have a podcast you know i've
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been creating thirty second two minute three minute videos you know that's a jump to the
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thirty minute from three minute i'm not i don't have a PhD who am i to have a party you know what i
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mean like i'm not saying that you need a party to have a PhD you know what i mean because i don't
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even mostly listen to people with PhDs who have podcasts but that's always going through my mind
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of like i'm not an expert so do i deserve to speak and here you see the tyranny of experts in
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our society and the silencing effect that qualification through institutions has on our willingness
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to share ourselves because i have perspectives i have things to say that by now is quite obvious
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and yet all that i could draw from was not obvious to me at the time but then what happened
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what happened i was literally on a plane and i thought to myself write your spiritual résumé
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write down instead of saying why me say well why me you know what i mean write down
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every possible experience that you've ever had that qualifies you to have a podcast that's
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what i told myself and then i started writing babes and did i have things to say your friends
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cherish your advice and conversations with you they always say oh my lord i find myself changed
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okay you were in the debate team okay people love your advice people love talking to you okay
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you're curious you are curious about people and you're curious about life and curiosity is the
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fuel of everything you know when it comes to podcasts that is what this engine of podcasts is
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running oh my lord not me using mechanization language okay like the soil that's being drawn
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from and the sunlight that's being shown the shounder shamed shown upon ideas that's curiosity
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it's key and you are so endlessly curious babes that's what i say to myself and you are loving
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okay and there needs to be loving people in this world creating content and creating ideas and
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shaping that you can create a space for someone's story to be shared you can create a space for your
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own perspective to be shared and then there was like there was both the personal experiences
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and the more professional experiences where i've always loved giving speeches i've had experience
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managing projects that are complex you know what i mean i've had a whole life that qualifies me
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because i'm a human being and your reasons could be so different it could be i want one it could be
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i've always wanted a place to share my voice and here's the space that's calling me you know what
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i mean but write your spiritualism right the list of things that's going to qualify you in your
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own mind to embark on this project if you want to write a sci-fi novel oh i've always read sci-fi
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novels i've always loved them i understand what i love and what i don't love i've always wanted to
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build a world my friends say that i'm really really imaginative and that i'm able to create worlds
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even in our conversations i once had that teacher in third grade who was like wow i was blown away
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by the short story you wrote i once wrote a poem when i was 17 that really moved my classmates
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write down all the experiences you've had that if you looked at it from a different perspective
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are actually a testament to the fact that this is exactly what you should be doing this is your work
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re-frame and re-imagine what it means to be qualified babe because actually the word
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qualifier is talk about her okay the word qualify comes from the Latin root qualis and what that
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means is of what kind of such a kind so qualify that sentence for me like say more about it give it
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more qualities and get at some point this word was absorbed into the language of academia and of
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Western capitalism okay and it became oh i'm qualified by an institution to do this thing i'm a
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therapist and so i'm qualified to help you i'm a doctor so therefore i'm qualified to heal you
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you know what i mean and i'm not saying that that's always a bad thing but what i am saying is
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sometimes it robs us from claiming the underlying roles that we've always had as people we've always
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had wise people we've always had the person in the village who you go to for advice we've always had
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that they didn't need to have a psychology degree we've always had that we've always had healers
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always we've had healers right and they are dedicated to the practice of learning how to heal it's
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not that they just like fell from the sky and were like i'm a healer they were recognized as healers
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in the in the society we have always had teachers even if you are not like me right i'm not a qualified
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teacher am i not teaching and so when we think about the archetypes of being we need to reclaim those
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the archetype is the teacher the mother the warrior the archetype is the healer the wise the wise
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woman the witch the wise person that is a archetype of being that you should feel so empowered to claim
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like i know i am a healing presence in many people in my life's life but i'm not like i don't have a
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psychology degree or like i studied philosophy but even even if i hadn't studied anything
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even the whole of my word philosophy is a whole different thing philosophy literally means love of
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wisdom yet western philosophy is obsessed with like dead white men and what they thought about things
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and they have had such a nefarious effect on how we view society like the idea that the mind and
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body are separate is straight from day cut who has had such a huge impact anyways let me not go
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but what i mean to say with that is we have to take back we've always had philosophers in our society
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we've always had them they maybe didn't like get a PhD from Harvard in philosophy know they loved
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wisdom they were known and regarded for their wisdom and for their perspective and outlook on life
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it's the way that they lived they lived as philosophers we've always had that if you are listening to
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this and you see yourself it was i really want us to claim philosophy more like just claim it
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like you are a philosopher if you love wisdom i believe and if you live your life in a certain kind
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of questioning mindset i feel like we should all just be putting philosopher in our bio and like
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reclaim and reimagine okay so i wrote my spiritual resume and a lot of it was relational a lot of
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it was friends family members oh family members aunts cousins who always like after a conversation
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would be like wow what just happened i find myself very moved thank you for that question you are
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so i'm still thinking about that piece of advice you gave me or that perspective you shared or wow
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i never thought about it that way they always say that hence paradigm shift so i am the creator like
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i'm meant to be doing this everyone in my life has told me this in different words and if you haven't
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had that experience you also know yourself as i was saying what have you helped yourself through
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what have you been to yourself and if you've been into yourself maybe you can be it to others
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if you've brought joy if you've brought perspective to yourself if you've brought healing if you've
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brought patience if you've helped yourself overcome something very challenging and it could be this
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was within community with others but it could be it was on your own because there's a lot of isolation
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and loneliness if you did it for yourself i'm telling you i'm telling you you can do it for the
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risks if you're if you're the reason many people in your life know about what it's like to have
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this experience or that who are you not to write a book on that to the point of that story i shared
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earlier you have all that it takes write your spiritual resume my love and why am i calling it
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spiritual because i wanted to include everything and anything everything that comes from your spirit
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relationships what you think of yourself what others have thought about you what you've experienced
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what you love what you see but you cannot confirm because it's mystical or magical
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it's the fullness it's on a professional resume because that would ask you to dilute yourself
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into the language even of the profession that you're applying for there's a specific jargon vocabulary
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there's a specific elit there's a specific take on what experiences matter in a professional
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resume a spiritual resume anything goes everything goes the feelings you have the experiences you have
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had the advice your friends seek from you who you know yourself to be what ignites your soul what
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makes you feel alive how do you help others feel alive your worldview your perspective your ideas the
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things you cannot shut up about that is a huge thing that qualifies you by the way if you can't
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shut up about it babes someone wants to listen to you i'm telling you now your doubts your fears
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the ability you have to express and honor those things all of this forms a tapestry of experiences
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that are going to support you and inform you and enrich you as you embark on this project on your
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dream it's your dream why on earth with the universal whoever you believe in give you a dream that
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you are capable of actualizing you know what i mean in the mind in a in a in a minor way like maybe
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we can't create the Oscar film but we can create a film and eventually if we keep creating films we
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can create that film right hopefully obviously there's a lot of institutional barriers as well there's
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internal resistance and external resistance but we're not going to get into that right now let me give
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you another example just so i really want this to click with you so like succinctly like i want
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it not succinctly so powerfully i want it to be like click click you know that feeling of satisfaction
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when you click a puzzle piece into the puzzle play said it belongs it's so satisfying i love puzzles by
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the way i have a friend who's an angel and she has never been in a romantic relationship as many
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of you listening to this might not have either or in a long term committed relationship and our
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society puts a lot of pressure on that to be a milestone that you have experience like you are
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less than if you haven't had that experience and yet we live in a universe there are so many
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experiences that some people have had in others haven't and it doesn't make sense to have a hierarchy
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of experiences to say that this is what a life looks like if it's a good life it has to have romantic
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love it has to have long term romantic love and i think that's called a mater normativity which
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this prioritization of romantic love in a monogamous way in a heteronormative way
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so this friend does really want to be in a romantic relationship which is perfectly fine i mean
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many of us have our longings right many of us have romantic longings i long for romantic love
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less so than i used to i'll do a separate episode on that but what she fears this friend of mine
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this angel is that she doesn't have what it takes she fears that she doesn't have the skills
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to be in a romantic relationship long term because she's never been in one
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but here we know what is she going to do she's going to write her spiritual résumé
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and let's do this from a different angle let's say okay what are all the things that someone who
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sustains a romantic relationship needs to be like what are the qualities or the traits
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or the characteristics that would make them more likely to be able to achieve that goal
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they need to be loving she's loving they need to be honest and transparent
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she's honest and transparent they need to be kind and open-hearted they need to be willing
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to be flexible not too much i don't mean have low standards but i mean you can't be rigid
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and expect someone to just like follow your script of what a life looks like you have to have
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some sort of ability to compromise or to be flexible okay you have to
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be able to resolve conflict you have to be able to listen and to take in someone else's perspective
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now you don't have to have all of these things coming into the gate you learn and grow through
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the relationship as well but these are some core characteristics or needs for thriving and
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healthy relationship you need to also be working on your own healing and on your own trauma so
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that you're not you're aware of what triggers you and you're not acting out in an abusive way
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emotionally or otherwise towards your partner or partners babes she has all these things all of
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them you know what i mean it's just come up through friendship and through family relationships
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she has best friends that she sustained since high school so she's committed she is loyal
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and not obviously in a negative way but she's loyal she shows up for her people she sticks beside
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them you know what i mean and she's loving and she's generous and she's just willing to go the
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extra mile for people her family members have remarked how reliable she is how loving she is
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towards them and so here's a person who has everything she needs for a romantic relationship and
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yes there's going to be some things that are new but she also has the skill of having faced new
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challenges in her life either in relationships work friendships and dealt with them she's been
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creative and responsive to her life and so absolutely she's ready for a long term relationship
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you know what i mean it's this privileged relationship status as though it just takes
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something so different and so unique and many of the intimacy is intimacy the things that make
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people feel close to each other are quite the same you know what i mean that's what marissa
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Franco argues in her book platonic is that the things that make someone feel a sense of intimacy
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transcend the relationship category that it's in mother and child you know cousins friends lovers
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do you listen are you deeply interested in what the other person has to say do you hold space for
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what they have to say and do you feel hurt are you able to share meaning are you able to
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do things together that are interesting to both of you are you able to create a space for
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closeness and for intimacy once you can do that that's on your spiritual resume babe that's going
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to inform so many other things that you can also do so she can find examples of all the
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traits that she thinks are necessary for romantic relationship she would define that for herself
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and she can map herself onto all of them literally not even one stands out
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there's maybe living with a romantic lover that's different but you'll you know if she's
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learned things she'll learn things she's learned to live with a roommate who she'd never lived before
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with it's very similar like find the both and find the similarities rather than what makes me so
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different from this task what about what makes me perfectly suited for this task why should I
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be a podcast host why should I write a book why should I be a creator well because I'm always
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curious about things I'm always reading things tell yourself convince yourself why you
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why not you babes so remember that Western society is shaped by a very linear understanding of truth
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it's a one-to-one relationship so having a psychology degree means you can be a healer
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know there's many things that mean you can be a healer actually and this is not I love therapists
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it's not hate to therapist it's kind of challenging the idea of Western therapy
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and challenging the idea that this is the only way to bring healing to people you don't need to have
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an MFA to be a writer and you don't need to wait for permission to do the thing that you know you
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want to do you need to learn the skill of giving yourself permission because you are what stands
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between often you and pursuing that goal it's your lack of belief because the belief creates the
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reality the belief that I could have something is what's going to make me get it now I'm not trying to
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say we obviously you know we're living in a society with many structural barriers and extreme
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inequality and extreme forces that hinder people's abilities to create the reality they want to
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live it but what I'm saying is there's no reality that can be created without some sort of belief
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in the possibility that it could be such so if you are listening to this and you are reluctant to
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move forward with your goal because you are asking yourself who am I I want you to answer that question
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who am I none of these things define you but they're part of the life that you've lived and they
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deserve to be honored write your spiritual resume write down journal paper pen this is your little
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bit of homework if you want it and I'd encourage you to do it because it's important to see it on
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paper I think not even on your phone but if you must then in a note on your phone because then
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you can keep adding to it easily like if something just occurs to you at the coffee shop you can just
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add to it write your spiritual resume write down every single reason every single experience every
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single thought feeling vibe that makes you the person for this task knowing that there are also
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others who are for the task it's not an exclusive thing but it is about honoring you instead of
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negating yourself give me every single reason you can think of from every single facet of your life
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go hard please convince yourself that you have had the kind of life that leads to deep preparation
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for this very experience or you have enough curiosity and enthusiasm that is going to overcome
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any any direct life experiences that you may think that you need because if you are hungry for
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something if you feel this insatiable desire to do something that desire is going to fuel you and
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that desire is necessarily part of your spiritual resume if you envy people who do this thing that
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is energy you can draw from that is on your spiritual resume because other people not everyone is
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out there envying the people you envy it's just like I said the life is the life you have is the
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breath you may think everyone envy singers this woman's voice is amazing how can she sing like this
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I fucking envy her bro like a lot of people have no envy for singers whatsoever it's because this
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is your calling that you feel the envy and I have so many thoughts on envy and I'm going to unpack
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them later but what I want to say is that's on this spiritual resume babe because if you can learn
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to optimize your envy to use it as something that is actually serving you it's pointing you towards
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desire it's telling you babe if we don't get this thing moving we're going to feel regret at the
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end of the day that's on this spiritual resume because you envy people that you think everyone
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envies and they don't everyone has the people they envy because they have a calling and they have
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desires that those people reflect okay so write your spiritual resume qualify yourself and we cannot be
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defined by these systems we got to define ourselves and know that anything we put down doesn't even
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begin to capture the fullness the power the multiplicity the diversity of who we are and I want
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to leave you with this because you have the dream and this is where we started you have the vision
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and babe if it came from you and I don't mean you purely because I do believe the ideas also
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come from the universe but if it existed within you like the seed of a flower within you it's
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blossoming is yours for the taking you only need to view yourself as worthy of nurturing the seed
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that already lies in your spirit in your being it just wants to be nurtured that's all it wants
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and I'm telling you through that nurturing through that care through that attention
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it's gonna grow babe and it's gonna blossom and you will stop asking yourself who am I
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I hope some paradigms have been shifted for you in today's conversation as always if you can
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please leave a five star rating on apple and Spotify like comment subscribe I love you so
33:55
so much okay I love you join me on my sub stack links in the comment section go there okay love
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you so much love you bye