Latest / The Wild Woman Within: Recover from Burnout & Achieve True Work-Life Balance Through Feminine Energy / #7| Your Job Doesn't Own You: Why You're Giving Work Too Much Power

Transcript

#7| Your Job Doesn't Own You: Why You're Giving Work Too Much Power · The Wild Woman Within: Recover from Burnout & Achieve True Work-Life Balance Through Feminine Energy

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Here's the cage we're breaking out of today.
0:02
SPEAKER_00: You've worked your ass off to build a life that is beautiful.
0:06
SPEAKER_00: So why do you spend eight hours a day acting like it belongs to somebody else?
0:14
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Wild Woman Within.
0:16
SPEAKER_00: For fiercely independent corporate women who are damn good at managing everything.
0:21
SPEAKER_00: And burned out from trying to.
0:23
SPEAKER_00: Your spiritual practices and ancient wisdom you'll reconnect with your feminine energy, recovered from burned out energy, and work like that.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: So wild three.
1:06
SPEAKER_00: If you're ready to stop living for the weekend and start enjoying the life you've worked so damn hard to build, hit follow on the Wild Woman with it.
1:15
SPEAKER_00: Just takes a moment of your time because every single Tuesday we're breaking down what's keeping you stuck.
1:21
SPEAKER_00: And every Thursday we're using extra wisdom and spiritual practices to actually break free.
1:27
SPEAKER_00: Now let's go.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: Alright, I have a confession.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: A confession for you today.
1:35
SPEAKER_00: I love corporate America.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: And this episode just might have a lot of F-bombs.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, because it lights me up inside.
1:41
SPEAKER_00: If you love it, stay here with me because I would love for you to experience this with me today.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: Love corporate America.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: I know.
1:51
SPEAKER_00: I know it's probably not what you expected to hear from a woman who hosts a podcast about recovering from burnout and achieving work-life balance.
2:00
SPEAKER_00: Listen, okay, I have my days.
2:02
SPEAKER_00: I have my days.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: There are absolutely days when I want to close my laptop, throw it in the nearest body of water, and pretend Microsoft Teams was never invented.
2:12
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
2:13
SPEAKER_00: But I love my career.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: I really do.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: I've I love leading projects and building things and the complexity of what I do, like figuring out a Tetris problem every single day.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: It's really cool.
2:25
SPEAKER_00: You know, I get to walk into some situations.
2:27
SPEAKER_00: It's a complete clusterfuck and figuring out how we're going to get everybody moving in the same direction within a time frame that I made up.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: And I love what my career has made possible in my life, right?
2:43
SPEAKER_00: I'm a healthcare project executive in a technology field.
2:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I've spent years, years and years building my skills and developing leadership styles, earning credentials, managing some difficult situations and learning how to work with people for real, you know?
3:05
SPEAKER_00: And I worked really hard to get here.
3:09
SPEAKER_00: So when I talk about burnout, I'm not coming from a place of wanting to burn corporate America to the ground.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to quit my job and go live in the woods.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: You know, I like my paycheck and my benefits and the house I get to live in.
3:26
SPEAKER_00: And I love going out to lunch and having money to do things with my family.
3:32
SPEAKER_00: And the work I do contributes to something meaningful in other people's everyday life.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not going to apologize for enjoying those things.
3:45
SPEAKER_00: You're not either.
3:46
SPEAKER_00: And there was a time when I didn't enjoy my workday nearly as much as I do now.
3:52
SPEAKER_00: And the interesting part is that job itself wasn't even the problem.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: It was actually the same job that I have today.
4:00
SPEAKER_00: All right.
4:00
SPEAKER_00: Riddle me that.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
4:13
SPEAKER_00: So I was treating my employer as if they owned me.
4:18
SPEAKER_00: And not because somebody explicitly told me that.
4:21
SPEAKER_00: They definitely didn't tell me that.
4:23
SPEAKER_00: But I decided that being a good employee meant making myself available to work every minute I possibly could.
4:33
SPEAKER_00: And I carried that belief around for years, years and years, until I started realizing how ridiculously stupid that my rules were that I had placed on myself.
4:45
SPEAKER_00: And actually it wasn't even my awakening that came to me like some kind of organic uh mysticism.
4:52
SPEAKER_00: No, it was my mom.
4:53
SPEAKER_00: She was just like, you're out to lunch one day, and I'm every time my watch, my Apple watch would buzz.
4:59
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh my gosh, I got a notification that actually wasn't even meant for me, but I had to stop and read it as if I was like some real important person.
5:08
SPEAKER_00: But actually, I was just troll.
5:10
SPEAKER_00: I was a troll to my team's network, right?
5:14
SPEAKER_00: I was just a troll to my email.
5:17
SPEAKER_00: None of none of this was real, is what she was telling me.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: She's like, it's not, it doesn't need you to go away from me right now.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: It's just gonna be there.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
5:30
SPEAKER_00: So which brings me to wall one.
5:34
SPEAKER_00: If I'm on the clock, my time belongs to them.
5:38
SPEAKER_00: Let me paint you a picture of what this looks like for me, or what this used to look like for me.
5:45
SPEAKER_00: I'll wake up, get ready, sit down at my desk, start working, and that was pretty much it.
5:54
SPEAKER_00: I'd be there all morning, meeting after meeting, email after email, project plan, status updates, client conversations.
6:03
SPEAKER_00: And when I had a little break, I'd usually find something else to work on because I was working.
6:11
SPEAKER_00: And that's what I was supposed to be doing.
6:15
SPEAKER_00: I might grab something to eat, but I wasn't necessarily taking an actual lunch.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: I'd just get to eat and get back to it like at the same time, you know, and lunch and learn, except nobody was really learning anything.
6:29
SPEAKER_00: It was just lunch and and at the end of the day, I'd closed my laptop and I'd realized I'd spent the entire day in my house because I work from home.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you something about working from home.
6:41
SPEAKER_00: It's a wonderful thing.
6:42
SPEAKER_00: It's a love it.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: Another F bomb.
6:45
SPEAKER_00: But it also entirely possible to work from home and never actually enjoy being home.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: All right, riddle me that.
6:57
SPEAKER_00: I looked forward to Friday because Friday meant I could finally do something.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: I could leave the house.
7:03
SPEAKER_00: I could go somewhere, see people, enjoy myself a little bit.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: And then one day I started questioning why I'd created that arrangement.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I'm gonna repeat those words on purpose.
7:17
SPEAKER_00: I started questioning why I created that arrangement.
7:24
SPEAKER_00: Because nobody was physically holding me hostage at my desk.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: Sure, I had a job to do, I had meetings to attend, and clients needed things and information for me, but also had a certain amount of control over how I organized my day.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: And I wasn't using it.
7:45
SPEAKER_00: Now I was acting like every single minute between the beginning and the end of my workday belonged to my employer, even the minutes when I wasn't actively needed.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: And there's a really interesting part here that I work in project management.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: I literally manage time for a living.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
8:06
SPEAKER_00: I manage schedules and resources and all of everyone else's competing priorities.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: And I build plans around the existence of this and what needs to happen and when it needs to happen specifically.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: I can coordinate complicated implementations involving entire organizations.
8:27
SPEAKER_00: And then yet I was struggling to give myself permission to take a damn walk.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: Make that make sense.
8:38
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't.
8:39
SPEAKER_00: So I started experimenting and nothing, nothing dramatic.
8:43
SPEAKER_00: Uh you know, tiptoe out to the water first.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: I didn't call my boss and announce I was reclaiming my sovereignty.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: Could you imagine?
8:51
SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to let you know that affected off immediately.
8:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm a free woman.
8:56
SPEAKER_00: No, that I did not do that.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: I just started using the flexibility I already had, all right?
9:01
SPEAKER_00: I started taking some breaks.
9:03
SPEAKER_00: I went for a walk, and I'd you know what?
9:06
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I would walk during lunch.
9:08
SPEAKER_00: How crazy am I?
9:11
SPEAKER_00: You know, I stepped outside between meetings to get a little sunshine, move my body, get away from the stupid little screen that I just keep hammering my brain against all the time.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: And uh then I'd come back.
9:24
SPEAKER_00: You know what happened?
9:27
SPEAKER_00: Nothing, nothing terrible.
9:29
SPEAKER_00: The company, it still exists, isn't that wild?
9:32
SPEAKER_00: It didn't collapse.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: My clients didn't suddenly lose faith in me.
9:38
SPEAKER_00: And I, to my knowledge, nobody sent out a search party wondering where Rachel had been away from her desk for 15 minutes.
9:47
SPEAKER_00: I just went for a walk.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: No, and I felt better.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: And it was great.
9:51
SPEAKER_00: And I started doing these little things around the house when I needed to move.
9:56
SPEAKER_00: Coming from somebody who teaches yoga and loves movement, I wasn't doing it.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: I do it now.
10:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you about it.
10:04
SPEAKER_00: But, you know, sometimes I'd go downstairs and switch up a load of laundry.
10:09
SPEAKER_00: Oh wow, things got wild.
10:13
SPEAKER_00: I'm not trying to turn every minute of my life into an opportunity to accomplish three things simultaneously.
10:21
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I just need a stand-up, take a deep breath, move around, and look at something other than this um microchip world that I live in.
10:34
SPEAKER_00: And if I can do that by just walking downstairs and switching the laundry, wonderful.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: But it takes a few minutes, and then I can come back and work.
10:47
SPEAKER_00: And then for the first time I started doing these things, it felt a little bit strange.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: Like I was kind of like it felt like I was cheating on somebody.
10:57
SPEAKER_00: I'll just be honest.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: My job required me to deliver, communicate, to lead, solve problems, and show up when people needed me.
11:06
SPEAKER_00: It did not require me to sit motionless in one chair all day.
11:12
SPEAKER_00: And I think once I understood the distinction here, I started enjoying my days so much more.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: Like I looked at my calendar differently.
11:22
SPEAKER_00: Instead of seeing an empty space and automatically thinking about what work I could cram into it, I'd consider what I actually needed to do.
11:31
SPEAKER_00: And if I had something important to finish, you know, I'd finish it.
11:35
SPEAKER_00: And if I had a meeting coming up, I'd prepare.
11:39
SPEAKER_00: But if I had a legitimate break, I'm I might just take it.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: Oh it's getting crazy over here.
11:47
SPEAKER_00: I'm going on a break.
11:50
SPEAKER_00: But I'd go outside and have a nice lunch.
11:55
SPEAKER_00: I'd call my mom, invite her over, right?
11:59
SPEAKER_00: And that was the beginning of something much bigger than a new lunch routine to me.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: I was learning that I could be accountable to my employer without giving up authority over myself.
12:15
SPEAKER_00: There's a difference between being paid to do a job and then believing you owe somebody every ounce of your attention.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of women have blurred that line, especially women who spent their careers being dependable.
12:31
SPEAKER_00: We're the ones that respond.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: We follow through.
12:34
SPEAKER_00: We make sure to get things done.
12:36
SPEAKER_00: Look how strong I am and anticipate problems before anybody else sees them.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: And those qualities are valuable, irreplaceable.
12:45
SPEAKER_00: You know, they're great.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: Keep them.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: But being dependable doesn't mean you have to be permanently on call.
12:53
SPEAKER_00: It means people can trust you to handle your responsibilities.
12:57
SPEAKER_00: Period.
12:58
SPEAKER_00: Leave it at that.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: That's a very different standard.
13:01
SPEAKER_00: And once I started holding myself to that standard, instead of the one I'd invented in my own head, my relationship with work changed dramatically.
13:15
SPEAKER_00: Wall two.
13:17
SPEAKER_00: Let me get a sip of my tea.
13:20
SPEAKER_00: If I'm not constantly working, I'm falling behind.
13:24
SPEAKER_00: Now here's where shit gets interesting.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: Because taking a walk is one thing.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: But what happens when you've trained your brain to believe that every minute should be productive?
13:37
SPEAKER_00: You can leave your desk and still spend the entire walk thinking about what you should be doing.
13:47
SPEAKER_00: You can sit down for lunch and feel guilty because you know there are emails waiting, or you take them with you to lunch, like I did in an earlier example with my mom.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: You can have a completely reasonable amount of work on your plate and still feel like you're behind.
14:03
SPEAKER_00: I know this because I've done it.
14:06
SPEAKER_00: And I'm very good at finding things to do.
14:09
SPEAKER_00: Very good.
14:10
SPEAKER_00: I'm a seeker.
14:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah?
14:12
SPEAKER_00: I'm fiercely independent.
14:14
SPEAKER_00: Go get her.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: Woo! Give me 15 minutes.
14:17
SPEAKER_00: I can probably identify 17 tasks that need attention.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: I'm a project manager at home and at work.
14:23
SPEAKER_00: Well, what about that?
14:24
SPEAKER_00: And I could make a project plan for my own funeral if he gave me enough notice.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: Ha ha! But I love that part of myself.
14:32
SPEAKER_00: I love being organized.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: I love thinking ahead and figuring things out.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: And I don't always get all the nitty-gritty of the shit figured out.
14:42
SPEAKER_00: I really don't.
14:42
SPEAKER_00: Ask my mom.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: She's gone on plenty of debacle vacations with me that I planned, quote unquote.
14:49
SPEAKER_00: And it was a disaster.
14:51
SPEAKER_00: So, you know, I'm not perfect.
14:53
SPEAKER_00: I just do it and I love it.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: It's great.
14:55
SPEAKER_00: But there's some downside to being somebody who's really good at managing everything.
14:59
SPEAKER_00: You know, you start managing yourself like you're another project, and suddenly you're evaluating your own day based on how much you accomplished.
15:08
SPEAKER_00: I do that all the time.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: Like, did I get enough done today?
15:11
SPEAKER_00: Did I use my time wisely?
15:13
SPEAKER_00: Now that's one of my things.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: I, from the time I was born, hated nothing more than realizing I was wasting my time.
15:24
SPEAKER_00: I am a time capitalist.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: And that's what kills me about this whole work is that I have to reframe from wasting my time to using it proportionately, appropriately, balanced.
15:43
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
15:44
SPEAKER_00: Was I productive?
15:45
SPEAKER_00: Did I make progress?
15:47
SPEAKER_00: Those things, this they they race in my brain too, all the time.
15:50
SPEAKER_00: All the time.
15:51
SPEAKER_00: I can't get away from it.
15:53
SPEAKER_00: So, like I said, I'm in this with you.
15:56
SPEAKER_00: And those questions, they have their place.
15:58
SPEAKER_00: Don't get me wrong.
15:59
SPEAKER_00: They're useful when you're trying to deliver something.
16:03
SPEAKER_00: And they're not particularly useful when you're trying to enjoy just being alive.
16:09
SPEAKER_00: You know, I had to start recognizing that I didn't need to justify every enjoyable thing I did by explaining how it would make me more productive later.
16:20
SPEAKER_00: Woo! Sometimes I could take a walk because I wanted to take a walk, and that felt great.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: Or I could have lunch with somebody I love just because I enjoy their company.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: You know?
16:32
SPEAKER_00: I want to sit in a coffee shop because I like the atmosphere.
16:35
SPEAKER_00: Period.
16:36
SPEAKER_00: And that is enough.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: I don't need to turn it into a performance improvement strategy.
16:43
SPEAKER_00: Although I love to do that.
16:46
SPEAKER_00: Funny enough though, I did notice that when I started making room for these things, I became more focused when I was actually working.
16:57
SPEAKER_00: That's a real thing.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: That's how the relationship ended up shifting.
17:03
SPEAKER_00: I wasn't as resentful.
17:06
SPEAKER_00: I started appreciating the people that I worked with and for.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: I wasn't staring at the clock waiting for the day to end.
17:13
SPEAKER_00: Honestly, I'd look up and I'd be like, oh my gosh, it's already this time.
17:17
SPEAKER_00: I had things to look forward to.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: I was enjoying my life.
17:21
SPEAKER_00: I'm enjoying my life now.
17:24
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's what changed my relationship with this work-life balance and why it's so important to talk about this interconnectedness, so to speak.
17:38
SPEAKER_00: Because for years I thought balance meant finding the perfect division, division between work and everything else.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: Eight hours here, a few hours there, some family time here, some exercise, some rest, and maybe a little time for myself, if anything was left over.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: And I was trying to make all these pieces fit together.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: But what I actually needed was to stop treating my work day like a separate life.
18:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm still me when I'm working.
18:07
SPEAKER_00: I don't stop being a woman who enjoys coffee shops and conversations and fresh air because I opened my laptop.
18:16
SPEAKER_00: Now I'm not required to put my entire personality in a drawer until five o'clock, right?
18:22
SPEAKER_00: Once I started recognizing that, I became much more creative in how I experienced my days.
18:35
SPEAKER_00: One of my favorite things to do now is just to go work from a coffee shop.
18:39
SPEAKER_00: I call it Remote Squared, Remote to the Remote Power, because apparently working remotely from my house wasn't enough.
18:47
SPEAKER_00: Now I need to work remotely from somewhere else.
18:49
SPEAKER_00: And I love it.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: I'll look at my calendar and I'll decide what makes sense for the day.
18:55
SPEAKER_00: And if I got a full day of confidential meetings or complicated conversations, you know, maybe that's not the day.
19:02
SPEAKER_00: But if I have a day where I can do some independent work and an environment that I can do it appropriately in, I might just pack up my laptop and head out, treat myself.
19:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
19:15
SPEAKER_00: Have a little cappuccino, poke spice latte, all the things.
19:20
SPEAKER_00: Just sitting there and enjoying my delicious treat in a place that I find super fun.
19:27
SPEAKER_00: And open my computer and work.
19:29
SPEAKER_00: Same job, same responsibilities, different experience.
19:34
SPEAKER_00: And that little change makes the day feel completely different.
19:41
SPEAKER_00: There's something about being around other people, like hearing the sounds of a coffee shop to me, it gives me such a different view that I genuinely enjoy.
19:50
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not the only one doing it either.
19:52
SPEAKER_00: There's a ton of people over in Starbucks just hanging out, doing some work, taking calls.
19:56
SPEAKER_00: They've been taking this trip with me.
19:58
SPEAKER_00: It's a field trip and a field trip.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
20:01
SPEAKER_00: I just have to use that flexibility though when the time comes with the job that I already have.
20:07
SPEAKER_00: And I also try to take myself out to lunch about once a week by myself.
20:12
SPEAKER_00: And when I can, I might invite somebody.
20:16
SPEAKER_00: We sit down and we have some lunch.
20:18
SPEAKER_00: And it's not rushed anymore.
20:21
SPEAKER_00: It used to be, you know, when I first adopted this mentality, I was so afraid I was going to be caught in doing something that's not illegal.
20:31
SPEAKER_00: Right?
20:33
SPEAKER_00: But it's not like that anymore.
20:35
SPEAKER_00: We actually talk.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: And it's an hour for sure.
20:39
SPEAKER_00: Right?
20:39
SPEAKER_00: It's scheduled.
20:41
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: But it's a scheduled time that I can commit to me within the time that I'm also committing with my job that I know 100% is a break that my brain needs in order for me to focus and perform better for when I return back to my job.
21:06
SPEAKER_00: And that's the shift.
21:10
SPEAKER_00: Because that time it matters.
21:13
SPEAKER_00: And there's a relationship here and an experience that I'm working really hard to support on both ends, my life and my career.
21:24
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to be so busy supporting my life that I forget to participate in it.
21:29
SPEAKER_00: And I think about that a lot, especially now, especially as I'm having these conversations with you.
21:34
SPEAKER_00: We work hard to afford the homes that we love and we spend our days sitting in one room of them, especially if you work from home.
21:42
SPEAKER_00: We work hard to provide opportunities for our families, and then we're too mentally exhausted to participate and enjoy being with them.
21:54
SPEAKER_00: We work hard to build these careers that give us flexibility and feel guilty.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: For using the flexibility.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: It's a strange arrangement when you look at it, really.
22:05
SPEAKER_00: And I don't think the answer is necessarily to work less in every circumstance.
22:10
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes there are seasons when we need to work a lot.
22:13
SPEAKER_00: I have them constantly.
22:15
SPEAKER_00: And it's a rotation for me, especially in project management.
22:19
SPEAKER_00: It's a rotation for me.
22:21
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'm working long hours.
22:23
SPEAKER_00: Specifically, sometimes I'm working more than 40 hours a week and not getting my special lunches and working at a coffee shop.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: You know, those weeks happen.
22:33
SPEAKER_00: They happen.
22:34
SPEAKER_00: And you deal with it.
22:35
SPEAKER_00: You do you deal with these demanding projects and difficult deadlines.
22:39
SPEAKER_00: And I've had days where I absolutely needed to stay at my desk.
22:43
SPEAKER_00: And that's just part of having a career, you know, like not I don't want to treat every ordinary Tuesday like it's the most demanding day of my professional life.
22:54
SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm saying.
22:55
SPEAKER_00: I want to respond to what's actually happening.
22:59
SPEAKER_00: When I have room to breathe, I want to breathe.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: And there's another part of this that surprised me too, because when I stop constantly pushing myself to be productive, I made more room for my own creativity.
23:14
SPEAKER_00: Which is wild.
23:15
SPEAKER_00: That's something that I need.
23:17
SPEAKER_00: Now I'm a project executive, yes, but I'm also a yoga teacher.
23:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm a podcast host.
23:24
SPEAKER_00: Whoop-whoop.
23:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm somebody who loves exploring ideas.
23:29
SPEAKER_00: I love having deep conversations and I think about life from different perspectives all day, every day.
23:34
SPEAKER_00: And those parts of me, they don't disappear while I'm working.
23:38
SPEAKER_00: And when I give them a little room to breathe and participate in my life, oh girl, I feel more like myself every damn day.
23:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:49
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that means stepping away from a problem and coming back to it completely different with a different perspective.
23:58
SPEAKER_00: And it might mean having a conversation that sparks an idea or doing absolutely nothing noteworthy.
24:08
SPEAKER_00: You know, I want to emphasize that last part because I think we have become so obsessed with optimizing our lives that we can't even enjoy ourselves without trying to extract some benefit from it.
24:20
SPEAKER_00: I say this in Five Ways a Sunday.
24:23
SPEAKER_00: This is like the fifth way I've said it.
24:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I don't need my lunch date to make me a better leader.
24:30
SPEAKER_00: And I don't need a walk to increase my output.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: I can just simply enjoy those things.
24:37
SPEAKER_00: And when it's time to work, I work.
24:40
SPEAKER_00: And it it's not a perfect schedule.
24:43
SPEAKER_00: And it's not carefully calculated ratio.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: So I know not everybody also has a remote job, but everybody and everybody can't go to a coffee shop in the middle of the day.
24:56
SPEAKER_00: I get you.
24:57
SPEAKER_00: Some people have jobs where breaks are tightly scheduled and flexibility is limited.
25:02
SPEAKER_00: I feel you.
25:03
SPEAKER_00: And even in those realities, I've had that too.
25:06
SPEAKER_00: There's a value in looking at what you actually control.
25:10
SPEAKER_00: You know, maybe it's taking the break you're entitled to instead of working through it.
25:15
SPEAKER_00: That's weird.
25:17
SPEAKER_00: Going outside during lunch or not checking your email after your shift ends.
25:24
SPEAKER_00: That's a big one, too.
25:25
SPEAKER_00: That was a big one for me.
25:27
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the honest answer is that your workplace doesn't give you enough room to be a human.
25:31
SPEAKER_00: That's important information.
25:33
SPEAKER_00: That's data.
25:34
SPEAKER_00: And that work-life balance isn't something an individual can create entirely through better habits, especially when the expectations around them are unreasonable.
25:43
SPEAKER_00: So I think we owe it to ourselves to distinguish between the restrictions that are actually there and the restrictions we've learned to impose on ourselves.
25:52
SPEAKER_00: And for me, that distinction opened up an entirely new way of experiencing my career.
25:58
SPEAKER_00: Which brings me to the biggest wall of all wall three.
26:03
SPEAKER_00: If I stop proving myself, I could lose everything.
26:09
SPEAKER_00: I want to tell you about a conversation I recently had with an executive coach named Dana Hunter Fradella.
26:14
SPEAKER_00: We were talking about leadership, corporate America, and the way women show up in professional environments, right?
26:22
SPEAKER_00: And I started telling her about something I've learned through my years as project manager.
26:26
SPEAKER_00: You know, I make up roles for a living.
26:30
SPEAKER_00: Now, before anybody gets concerned, I'm not saying I just invent requirements and hope for the best, live on a prayer.
26:37
SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about the fact that a huge part of project management is creating structure.
26:43
SPEAKER_00: And when you start a project, somebody has to determine how things are going to go to work.
26:47
SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, it would be chaos, right?
26:49
SPEAKER_00: Like get on board, right?
26:51
SPEAKER_00: I had this realization and it made me laugh.
26:54
SPEAKER_00: Somebody above me is making shit up too.
26:57
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
26:58
SPEAKER_00: And I mean that with all due respect.
27:00
SPEAKER_00: All due respect.
27:02
SPEAKER_00: Because what I realized was that everybody in an organization is making decisions based on the information, experience, and judgments that they have available.
27:11
SPEAKER_00: And the people above me are doing it.
27:13
SPEAKER_00: The people above them are doing it.
27:15
SPEAKER_00: The executives are doing it.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes they're right and sometimes they're wrong.
27:19
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes they have to change direction.
27:22
SPEAKER_00: And when they fail, they they need to fail fast.
27:24
SPEAKER_00: Now, obviously, experience matters.
27:27
SPEAKER_00: I'm not downplaying that.
27:29
SPEAKER_00: Leadership matters, expertise matters, right?
27:33
SPEAKER_00: Those are the people who know things that I don't know.
27:37
SPEAKER_00: And there are people who have access to information that I don't have.
27:41
SPEAKER_00: And I respect that.
27:42
SPEAKER_00: But I stopped assuming that a bigger title automatically meant somebody had better judgment than I did about every situation.
27:51
SPEAKER_00: Because that's just simply not true.
27:53
SPEAKER_00: Once I understood that, I started participating differently.
27:57
SPEAKER_00: I became more comfortable speaking up, more comfortable sharing my perspective.
28:03
SPEAKER_00: I became more comfortable saying, I see what you're trying to accomplish, but I think there's another way we could approach this.
28:11
SPEAKER_00: And I don't need to be the loudest person in the room, and I don't need to challenge every single decision.
28:16
SPEAKER_00: And I certainly don't want to be right all the time.
28:19
SPEAKER_00: But if I'm invited into a conversation, I have something to contribute.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: So do you.
28:26
SPEAKER_00: And I don't spend the entire meeting sitting there wondering whether I'm qualified to say it.
28:31
SPEAKER_00: I'm there.
28:32
SPEAKER_00: And that knowledge belongs to me.
28:35
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't become less valuable because somebody else has a more impressive title.
28:39
SPEAKER_00: And I think this is particularly important for women who have spent their careers so focused on being perceived as good employees, that we start treating approval as the ultimate measure of success, that validation outsourced, wanting to be liked and trusted and people to think that we are capable.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: And I really don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a good professional reputation.
29:08
SPEAKER_00: However, when you're constantly worried about how somebody might perceive you, it changes how you show up.
29:17
SPEAKER_00: And girl, you end up hesitating.
29:20
SPEAKER_00: You soften your opinions, you take things that you don't have capacity for and avoid difficult conversations.
29:28
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you agree to things that you know don't make sense because you don't want to be seen as difficult.
29:35
SPEAKER_00: I've done it.
29:37
SPEAKER_00: And I still have moments when I catch myself doing it.
29:41
SPEAKER_00: Because that confidence isn't something that you achieve once and you get to keep forever.
29:45
SPEAKER_00: It's something that you have to practice.
29:48
SPEAKER_00: And part of that practice for me has been recognizing that I can respect authority without being intimidated by it.
29:55
SPEAKER_00: I can be a valuable employee without spending every waking minute trying to prove it.
30:02
SPEAKER_00: That realization changed the way I thought about my employer.
30:07
SPEAKER_00: Because during my conversation with Dana, I said something that sounds pretty bold when you hear it.
30:13
SPEAKER_00: I feel like they work for me.
30:16
SPEAKER_00: Now let's be clear.
30:18
SPEAKER_00: I have a boss, I work for an organization, I have expectations to meet.
30:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm not pretending that I'm secretly running the company.
30:29
SPEAKER_00: But I started thinking about employments as a relationship between two parties who are both receiving value.
30:40
SPEAKER_00: My employer provides compensation and benefits, resources, and opportunities.
30:45
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
30:56
SPEAKER_00: They benefit from what I bring.
30:59
SPEAKER_00: I benefit for what they provide.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: That's the relationship.
31:03
SPEAKER_00: But I also know what I bring.
31:05
SPEAKER_00: And that gives me confidence, not just in meetings, not just when I get to make decisions, but in the way I approach my entire career.
31:17
SPEAKER_00: Because I'm no longer operating from that belief that I have to make everybody happy in order to be safe.
31:23
SPEAKER_00: And that brings me to part of this conversation that's a little more uncomfortable.
31:29
SPEAKER_00: You know, the fear of losing everything.
31:41
SPEAKER_00: So when I talk about not being intimidated by corporate America, I'm not suggesting that I don't care what happens to my job.
31:49
SPEAKER_00: Of course I care.
31:51
SPEAKER_00: I care a lot, actually.
31:54
SPEAKER_00: But during my conversation with Dana, I admitted that there are still situations where I worry about being too outspoken.
32:03
SPEAKER_00: And there are things that I might want to say that I have to think carefully about.
32:08
SPEAKER_00: Because I understand actions have consequences.
32:12
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not interested in being reckless just to prove that I'm brave.
32:17
SPEAKER_00: I think that's an important distinction.
32:20
SPEAKER_00: What I don't want is for fear to make every decision for me.
32:24
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to spend my career trying to avoid the possibility that somebody might disapprove of me.
32:31
SPEAKER_00: Because if that's the standard, you're never going to feel secure ever.
32:36
SPEAKER_00: There will always be somebody whose opinion matters.
32:39
SPEAKER_00: Somebody who has authority, who could make a decision that affects your career.
32:44
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
32:45
SPEAKER_00: And if your entire sense of security depends on keeping all those people happy, you're going to spend an enormous amount of energy trying to manage things you can't fully control.
32:58
SPEAKER_00: That sucks.
33:00
SPEAKER_00: I've spent time doing it.
33:02
SPEAKER_00: Just let me tell you, that sucks.
33:05
SPEAKER_00: Because eventually I started asking myself what I actually trusted.
33:11
SPEAKER_00: Did I trust my employer to guarantee that nothing would ever change?
33:17
SPEAKER_00: No.
33:18
SPEAKER_00: I'm not delusional.
33:19
SPEAKER_00: I work in corporate America.
33:21
SPEAKER_00: Things change all the time.
33:22
SPEAKER_00: Companies reorganize, priorities shift, positions evolve.
33:26
SPEAKER_00: That's reality.
33:28
SPEAKER_00: But do I trust myself?
33:31
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
33:32
SPEAKER_00: I trust the skills I've developed.
33:35
SPEAKER_00: I trust my ability to learn and my ability to lead.
33:39
SPEAKER_00: I trust myself to navigate difficult conversations.
33:42
SPEAKER_00: And I trust that if something happened to my job, I could figure it out what comes next, right?
33:49
SPEAKER_00: Would that be easy?
33:50
SPEAKER_00: Probably not.
33:51
SPEAKER_00: It'd probably be extremely stressful, make me lose my mind.
33:56
SPEAKER_00: I would definitely suffer from financial consequences.
33:59
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not going to sit here and pretend that losing my job is some beautiful spiritual adventure I can't wait to have, because that's not really what I want at all.
34:08
SPEAKER_00: I also don't believe that losing one position would erase everything I've built professionally.
34:12
SPEAKER_00: My experience is still mine.
34:15
SPEAKER_00: My knowledge is still mine.
34:16
SPEAKER_00: My ability to solve problems, that shit's not going with my job.
34:22
SPEAKER_00: So that's the confidence that's given me a level of freedom that I didn't have earlier in my career.
34:32
SPEAKER_00: Because I can show up and do my job without constantly feeling like my entire future depends on somebody else's approval.
34:39
SPEAKER_00: I can have a difficult conversation and own my mistakes.
34:43
SPEAKER_00: And I can also take a break when it's appropriate.
34:48
SPEAKER_00: Stop treating every ordinary workplace problem like it's a five alarm emergency.
34:53
SPEAKER_00: But did you die?
34:56
SPEAKER_00: I know it's ridiculous.
34:58
SPEAKER_00: But seriously, think about how often something happens at work and everybody immediately starts acting like the world is ending, a deadline changes, or somebody sends an irritated email and shit didn't go as planned, or something needs to be revisited.
35:12
SPEAKER_00: The energy in the room is totally off.
35:14
SPEAKER_00: Now I work in healthcare technology, so there are genuine emergencies.
35:19
SPEAKER_00: I'm not even gonna play that down.
35:21
SPEAKER_00: There are situations involving patient safety, privacy, and other serious consequences that deserve immediate attention.
35:28
SPEAKER_00: That is, I am not talking about this, that one.
35:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about the ordinary corporate chaos that can consume your entire nervous system.
35:39
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean that I don't care.
35:40
SPEAKER_00: I care deeply, but I'm not gonna emotionally absorb every single problem in order to solve it.
35:46
SPEAKER_00: I don't give a shit like that.
35:47
SPEAKER_00: I could be calm and still effective.
35:49
SPEAKER_00: How about that?
35:50
SPEAKER_00: Here's what I think is missing from a lot of conversations about burnout.
35:55
SPEAKER_00: We talk about leaving and setting boundaries and finding a better job, even reducing stress, you know, and all those conversations that, of course, they're very important.
36:06
SPEAKER_00: But I don't hear nearly enough people talking about what it looks like to genuinely enjoy a career without allowing it to become your entire identity.
36:18
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to escape my career.
36:21
SPEAKER_00: I want to enjoy it.
36:23
SPEAKER_00: I want to be good at what I do.
36:25
SPEAKER_00: I want to keep growing and keep learning and keep having opportunities.
36:30
SPEAKER_00: I want to have the beautiful life outside of it, too.
36:34
SPEAKER_00: And I don't see why those two things have to be enemies.
36:37
SPEAKER_00: I really don't.
36:38
SPEAKER_00: I think about the women who worked incredibly hard to get where they are and the women who have earned the degrees, built the careers, raised the family, managed the households, taking care of absolutely everybody around them.
36:49
SPEAKER_00: We're capable of so much.
36:52
SPEAKER_00: So much.
36:54
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we spend our days acting like we need permission to enjoy the lives we've created.
36:59
SPEAKER_00: But I also want to sit in the house that I've worked so hard to have and enjoy the family dinner and take the trips because everything else is is never finished.
37:12
SPEAKER_00: The beautiful thing is I didn't have to completely redesign my career to start experiencing all of this.
37:19
SPEAKER_00: I didn't have to quit or abandon my ambition.
37:22
SPEAKER_00: And I certainly didn't have to become somebody who doesn't care about professional success.
37:28
SPEAKER_00: Just started making different decisions within I brought the feminine energy of creation, creativity within the container that I was handed and have been dealt with and chose to stay in.
37:46
SPEAKER_00: Like how I use my time, how I'm gonna respond to pressure, how much authority I gave other people's opinions, and how I want to experience the days I was already living.
38:00
SPEAKER_00: Those decisions they added up and I started to enjoy my workday.
38:06
SPEAKER_00: And I feel more confident in my role.
38:09
SPEAKER_00: And not every problem is my personality or mine to have, you know?
38:15
SPEAKER_00: It's not a different version of Rachel who only exists between nine to five.
38:20
SPEAKER_00: It's me, all of me as a whole.
38:25
SPEAKER_00: Nine to five, yes, and all of it.
38:28
SPEAKER_00: But I finally realized that all of these parts are allowed to exist in the same life.
38:35
SPEAKER_00: All of me.
38:37
SPEAKER_00: And what changed wasn't my employer.
38:41
SPEAKER_00: I think this is the most important part of my story.
38:45
SPEAKER_00: My employer didn't sit me down and announce that I was officially allowed to enjoy my life or a certificate that's gonna hand me a permission slip to go on a walk.
38:56
SPEAKER_00: But I did make decisions from a place of confidence instead of fear.
39:00
SPEAKER_00: I did start doing that.
39:01
SPEAKER_00: And that doesn't mean every workplace gives people the same freedom.
39:04
SPEAKER_00: And it certainly doesn't mean systemic problems disappear because you change your mindset.
39:11
SPEAKER_00: Those things are real, but it does mean that before you assume your only option is to leave, it's worth examining the relationship you've built with your work because you can leave and still have the same perception, perspective in another job just under a different name and still be miserable.
39:37
SPEAKER_00: But unless you change the way you look at your life in your time, nothing else will evolve around you.
39:50
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you're dealing with expectations you've been carrying long after they stop serving you.
39:55
SPEAKER_00: And then sometimes you're dealing with an environment that genuinely needs to change.
39:59
SPEAKER_00: The important thing is being able to tell the difference.
40:04
SPEAKER_00: And I think that starts with trusting yourself, trusting your judgment and the skills that you've developed, and trusting that you can make decisions, that you are invited to the room on purpose, saying to yourself, girl, I am an adult.
40:19
SPEAKER_00: I'm a professional.
40:21
SPEAKER_00: I've earned my place.
40:23
SPEAKER_00: I get to participate in deciding what this relationship with work looks like.
40:30
SPEAKER_00: That's not rebellion.
40:32
SPEAKER_00: It's ownership.
40:33
SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of women are ready for a little bit more of it.
40:37
SPEAKER_00: So here's your audacity this week.
40:39
SPEAKER_00: Have the audacity to take 15 minutes of your workday and spend them remembering you're a human being, not a job description.
40:49
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
40:49
SPEAKER_00: I want you to find 15 minutes that genuinely belong to you.
40:53
SPEAKER_00: It could be your lunch break or in between meetings, but do something you actually enjoy.
41:00
SPEAKER_00: You know, for me, I was going for a walk.
41:02
SPEAKER_00: Go to a little coffee shop, whatever.
41:04
SPEAKER_00: Call somebody you love, sit somewhere by yourself.
41:09
SPEAKER_00: Whatever feels good to you, right?
41:13
SPEAKER_00: But it's not another to-do list item.
41:16
SPEAKER_00: And you're not trying to justify your explanation for it afterwards.
41:21
SPEAKER_00: No.
41:23
SPEAKER_00: You're just enjoying it.
41:25
SPEAKER_00: 15 minutes.
41:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah?
41:28
SPEAKER_00: Because if you feel guilty, notice it.
41:31
SPEAKER_00: And if that feels uncomfortable, notice that too.
41:35
SPEAKER_00: And if you immediately start thinking about everything you could be accomplishing, get curious about that.
41:42
SPEAKER_00: Because you might discover that the hardest part of the 15 minutes isn't finding the time.
41:48
SPEAKER_00: It's allowing yourself to use it.
41:53
SPEAKER_00: If your job doesn't give you that kind of flexibility, don't put your livelihood at risk to prove a point.
42:00
SPEAKER_00: Use the brakes you do have.
42:02
SPEAKER_00: Respect the responsibilities you genuinely need to meet.
42:06
SPEAKER_00: Because the point isn't to just ignore your job, it's to recognize where you have a choice.
42:13
SPEAKER_00: And you get to make one.
42:15
SPEAKER_00: Because every time you do that, you're practicing something bigger than time.
42:21
SPEAKER_00: You're practicing trusting yourself.
42:25
SPEAKER_00: Before we wrap up, I want to leave you with three things.
42:28
SPEAKER_00: First, your worst big is part of your life.
42:31
SPEAKER_00: Not a pause button.
42:33
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to wait till 5 o'clock Friday afternoon to enjoy things fully alive.
42:39
SPEAKER_00: Second, making space for yourself doesn't make you look comfortable.
42:44
SPEAKER_00: Taking a legitimate break, enjoying lunch, or stepping away from your desk doesn't erase your professional.
42:51
SPEAKER_00: You can be excellent at your job without making every minute about it.
42:56
SPEAKER_00: Third, your confidence in your greatest career's security.
43:01
SPEAKER_00: Your employer can make decisions about your position to be experienced.
43:06
SPEAKER_00: Judgment skills and development.
43:11
SPEAKER_00: You can respect corporate authority without surrendering your personal authority.
43:16
SPEAKER_00: And that's what I want you to do.
43:18
SPEAKER_00: I love my career.
43:20
SPEAKER_00: I love corporate America.
43:22
SPEAKER_00: And I also love the life of work so hard to build outside.
43:27
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to choose between those things.
43:29
SPEAKER_00: I want it to be present for all of them.
43:32
SPEAKER_00: And I want that for you too.
43:34
SPEAKER_00: You 15 minutes.
43:36
SPEAKER_00: Use the freedom you actually have.
43:38
SPEAKER_00: Stop acting like you need permission to be a person.
43:42
SPEAKER_00: And if this resonates, join the Wild Council.
43:46
SPEAKER_00: Get a leech with me every single week inside the email where we challenge roles, break free from expectations, and find the audacity to live in our own rhythm.
43:56
SPEAKER_00: Less performing, more living, wildly free.