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Foreplay Starts at Breakfast: Keep the Burner On All Day · The Diva Details

0:01
Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva
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Details, where bold, confident women embrace life
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unapologetically. From love and sex to wellness and
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reinvention, we keep it raw, real, and powerful.
0:17
No filters, no limits, just fearless conversations
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to help you thrive. Let's dive in with Diva
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Mia and Diva Kat.
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Hello, this is Diva Mia. Today we're gonna talk a little bit about foreplay
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and not in the sense that you think, but how you start foreplay
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well before the time you're gonna be intimate. I want you to think about
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something for a second. What was the first time you touched your partner today?
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Not talking about texting them or touching them via
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a phone call. If you had to think about it, or if you
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could gimme the honest answer, could you say, oh, I handed 'em coffee, or their—
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our fingers may have brushed, or— you're not alone. Of people
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don't touch their partners anymore. That was me a long time ago. When you're in
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a marriage for a long time, sometimes you forget. Then when you get into another
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relationship, touching may become much more important. Most of us think
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intimacy is sometimes something that happens at night in the bedroom
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with the lights down, but the couples who keep the spark alive are the ones
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that are constantly holding hands and hugging and kissing and
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touching. They keep the spark alive for decades because they're constantly being physical
1:29
with each other. Now I know a lot of people don't
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like physical touch. They don't like it in public. Their love language may not
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be physical touch. However, it is part of intimacy. If you can adjust
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to enjoying it more, maybe you don't like the way they touch you. Maybe you
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need to let them know you like it a different way, but find a way
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to find enjoyment in it. I have found physical touch to be extremely
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pleasurable. Let's say you just touch and hug each other and
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give each other a kiss before work, or you hold each other's hands
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at the breakfast table. Or in the hallway, you, you rub up against them.
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It's, it's a nice thing to have a partner that you can
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spend quality time with and touch them. So today we're going to talk about
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why floor play starts at breakfast and it needs to start at breakfast.
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I'm really glad you're here because this is the episode I think a lot of
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people really need. It's a really good way to reconnect with your partners,
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especially anyone who's been there, their partner long enough that the relationship
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has quietly started to turn into logistics,
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managing the children, paying the bills. Figuring out what has to get done,
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who's picking up the kids, who's buying the dish soap. So here's the
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idea. I want to unpack today that when most people hear the word foreplay,
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they picture 10 or 15 minutes right before sex,
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making out, playing around a little bit. That's what most people picture
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when they think of foreplay. But a lot of relationship research
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and therapists would tell you that that's far too narrow. Real foreplay
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is the kind that actually keeps desire alive over years.
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Everything that happens between 2 people all day long can be considered foreplay
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if you make it that way. The way you say goodbye, the way you give
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a kiss, the way you give a hug, when you hold each other's hands,
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that's foreplay. When you touch each other when you pass in the kitchen, whether you
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hold hands in the car, whether you kiss hello like you mean
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it or like you're stamping a passport. We've all given
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the passport kiss. Don't get me wrong. It's quick. It's dry. It's done. It's next.
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But sometimes those extra passionate kisses are amazing.
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So today I'm going to walk you through a whole day, morning to night,
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and talk about small, playful, physical things you can do to stay connected with
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your partner. And I think people, I mean, we're all busy and I get it,
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but we re— you may need to reconnect with your partner. Touching,
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holding hands, hugging, kissing, even a little flirtation. And it's
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just as important. I'm going to talk about how to do it all the way
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in a way that makes you feel good and doesn't feel like pressure.
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That's a, that's a huge piece of it. One quick note before we dive in.
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This episode is about affection and intimacy between consenting adults.
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And so everything I'm going to talk about only works with, with both people want
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it. If you have a partner that's not into physical touch and you're trying to
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touch them and they don't want it, that's not going to be a good situation.
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It's going to creep them out. And I'll come back to that because it matters
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more than any tip I'm going to give you. You also have to learn their
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love language. Maybe they just like to be talked to. Maybe they like
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to have gifts. It just depends on who they are, but you need to learn
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their love language too. And I will say, I know a lot of women aren't
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into the touchy-feely stuff. I've, I've seen
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it a lot. They don't want to be, they don't want to have their hands
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held. It just depends on the person. So you really need to have that discussion
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because You may be touching a woman that doesn't want to be touched. And sometimes
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men are like that as well. So let's get into it.
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Desire is important. And before we get to go to get to
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breakfast, I need to clear up a myth. The myth is that desire works
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like a light switch. It's either on or off, and it's supposed to flip on
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at night when the moon strikes. Now, I will say I was in a relationship
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where the person wasn't very nice to me. Then he would expect intercourse at
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night. And for women, if you've been mean to us during the day, we don't
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really want to have intercourse with you. At night. We just don't. Sex is
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kind of off the table if you're not a very nice person. So it kind
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of kills the mood. But the light switch doesn't flip on and people panic when,
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oh my gosh, something's wrong. The spark's gone. Maybe we've just not
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attracted to each other anymore. If you're not having sex with your partner,
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and there are couples that don't have sex for weeks and months and even years,
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maybe try this technique because you need to
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have more physical intimacy before you actually have sexual intimacy.
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But there's a much more useful way to think about desire. Picture a pot on
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the stove. If the burner has been off all day, you can't expect
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that pot to boil in 5 minutes. It's just not gonna happen.
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But if the burner has been on low, keeping things gently warm all day,
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it doesn't take much time at all to bring it up to a boil.
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Think about that with your relationships. Your relationships, if you can keep
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them going, boiling by holding hands, giving each other kisses,
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snuggling with each other, even just having a conversation at night
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under the stars, holding hands, that's a good way to keep your
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relationship going. That's what this whole episode is about. It's keeping the
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burner on throughout the day and loving each other throughout the day.
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And there's real research behind this idea. Sex educator Emily Nagoski,
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who wrote a fantastic book called Come As You Are, talks about
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2 different styles of desire. There's spontaneous desire and there's responsive
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desire. And I know we've talked about this before on the podcast, and spontaneous
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desire is the kind you see in movies where out of nowhere
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you just get swept off your feet and your partner, they show up,
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And it's instantaneous. That's spontaneous desire.
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But responsive desire is desire that shows up in response to something:
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touch, closeness, a great conversation, feeling appreciated.
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Both sides like to feel appreciated, guys and ladies. Feeling relaxed
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and safe. It's hard to find a person that truly relaxes you.
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So when you find one of those people, that's a turn-on as well. And for
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a lot of people, especially people in long-term relationships,
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responsive desire is the main way desire works. You feel
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safe with your partner. You can explore each other's bodies. You can play
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with your partner. You can do things that you wanna do with other people.
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That's what a long-term relationship is all about. I wanna pause on
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that because I think it's one of the most freeing things you can hear.
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If you're someone who doesn't just randomly get
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hit with desire at 3 in the afternoon, you're not broken.
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Nothing is wrong with you. You just need the pot on the stove all
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day long, warming up a little bit. And that's exactly why this
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all-day approach matters so much. If you or your partner experience desire responsively,
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then affection throughout the day isn't a nice little extra. It's a requirement.
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It's the thing that makes desire possible in the first
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place. There's another piece of research I love here from John Gottman,
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and Gottman has studied about couples for decades.
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And one of his big ideas is something he calls bids for connection.
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A bid is any small attempt to connect with your partner.
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They say, hey, look at this bird outside.
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Or they rest a hand on your shoulder, on your leg as they walk by,
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or they give you a little smack in the butt, or they come
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up and hug you from behind. They send you a funny meme.
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And in case of these moments, you have a choice. You can turn towards
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the bid, meaning you engage it, you respond, you notice it,
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you receive it, or you can turn away and ignore it, roll your eyes,
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you're on your phone, or you grunt. So that's 2 different ways to
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respond to the same input. And I'll be honest, I've been a world-class
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grunner at times when I was right in the middle of something, but most of
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the time I'm receptive. So the question is, are you? What Gottman's research
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found is that couples who stay together turn towards each other. They turn
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towards each other's bids more often than couples who split up. It isn't
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the big romantic gestures that make the difference. It's the little things.
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Sometimes it's the anniversary trip and the fancy dinner, but it's the thousands of tiny
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moments in between. Those little tiny moments are what matters.
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The physical touch, the peck on the cheek, the snuggle,
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the hug, the longer hug than you should be giving.
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Those are the physical moments that make relationships last. So when I talk
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about touch throughout the day, what I'm really talking about is making
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bids and responding to them. It doesn't have to be 15 minutes long. It could
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be a 5-second bid. A hand on the small of the back is a
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bid, a kiss on the forehead, you know,
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walking up and just being with the person in a nice long
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hug. Reaching for their hand in the car is a bid. And if
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you pull away when they reach for your hand, that's shutting down intimacy. And physical
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bids carry something extra. They're warm,
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affectionate touches linked with feelings of calm and closeness.
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It gives a sense of comfort. You'll hear people talk about oxytocin,
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sometimes called the cuddle hormone, and this is by
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far the actual science on oxytocin. It's a
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lot more complicated than the headline makes it sound, but you don't need a lab
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study to know that a real long hug from someone you really love feels
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very different than a quick pat on the back. Your body relaxes,
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your shoulders drop, you feel safe, and feeling safe and relaxed happens
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to be one of the biggest ingredients for desire there is, especially for
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women. We went through the 100 things that women want, and safety is
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right in the top because we want to feel safe. And you give those long
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hugs, Those are extremely powerful, just like a long romantic
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kiss. So that's our framework. Desire is a dial, not a switch.
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The day is the stove and touch and playfulness are how you keep
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the burner on. So let's walk through the day now. So in the morning,
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you're at the breakfast table, the alarm goes off. What's the very first thing most
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of us do? We grab our phones, which probably shouldn't. Before we're even
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looking at the person lying next to us, we're checking emails, scrolling news, reading a
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text from the boss. And just like that, the first energy of the day goes
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to everyone and everything else except for your partner. So here's tip number 1,
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and it's very simple. Before you touch your phone, touch your partner.
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Nothing elaborate. Roll over, put an arm around them, spend 30
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seconds just lying there before the day starts. It sets a completely
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different tone than waking up and driving straight into the office for
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work. And if your schedules don't line up, if one of you is up at
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5 and the other sleeps until 8, you can still do something. Kiss them on
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the forehead before you get up. Brush their hair back from their face,
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rest your hand on their shoulder for a second. They may barely wake
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up, but some part of them recognizes it. It's another
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bid. It's another touch. For years, my partner would get up before me and
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slip out of the room, and there was a disconnect
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there. At some point, it, you know, it feels like you're disconnecting.
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It sounds so small, but I noticed that on the days I felt closer was
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when the days that You know, I was up with them and spending time
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with them. So now we're in the kitchen. And I think the
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kitchen is one of the most underrated places for playfulness in a relationship because
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you're already physically close. Most kitchens aren't huge.
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You're bumping into each other. You're rubbing up against each other, reading past,
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reaching past each other, squeezing up in small spaces. It's a very fun,
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playful location. So use it. When you reach past
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them for the coffee, put your hand on their waist. When you're standing at the
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stove, come up behind them and wrap your arms around them for a second.
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The back hug. Personally, I love back hugs. I think the back hug is undefeated
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for amazing hugs. And flirt a little. Tell them they look
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good. Say it like you actually mean it. You'd be amazed how many long-term
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couples just stop saying, you look good, out loud because we assume
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our partners know. And they might know it in theory,
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but hearing it is different, especially at 7 in the morning. Than when you're wearing
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yesterday's t-shirt and your hair is in a messy bun and you're doing
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something unexplainable. So now let's talk about the
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goodbye kiss, because this is the big one for the morning. John Gottman,
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the researcher I mentioned earlier, has an idea of something called the 6-second
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kiss. It's exactly what it sounds like. When you kiss
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your partner goodbye or hello, make it last 6
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seconds. No more pecks. That doesn't sound like a very long, but until you
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actually do it, It can be actually amazing. Try it after this episode.
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Count, count in your head, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 while you're kissing them.
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6 seconds is long enough that the kiss stops being a habit and becomes a
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moment. You have to actually be there for it. You can't be looking for
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your keys or thinking about your 9 o'clock meeting. And honestly,
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there's something a little playful, even a little charged
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about a real 6-second kiss at a quarter to 8
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in the morning when you both have to leave. That's kind of
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the point. It leaves something hanging. You walk out the door. Still thinking about that
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kiss. Foreplay starts at breakfast. One more thing,
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one more morning idea: a real hug. Not a side hug, not a
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see-you-later wave from the driveway, not the one-arm hug while you're holding
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a travel mug. A full both-arm, chest-to-chest hug
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where neither of you lets go first. Eventually one
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of you will have to. Some people call this a melting hug. You melt into
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each other's arms. You hold on until you both feel yourselves relax.
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You'll literally feel it. Their breath slows, your shoulders drop.
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It makes 20— it may take 20 seconds for it to happen.
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And the first few times, you might even feel awkward because you're not used to
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hugging, but that's okay. Awkward is fine. Awkward usually turns into
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laughing and laughing together while you're holding each other. It's another
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sign of intimacy. So let's recap the morning. You touch before phone,
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you flirting and back hugs in the kitchen, a real spoken compliment and
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6-second kiss and a hug That's at least 10 to 20
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seconds. And the total time investment is maybe 2 minutes.
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If you don't have 2 minutes to spare for your partner in the morning,
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you're having a bigger issue. So you have a great morning,
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you did the 6-second kiss, and now you're apart for 8,
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9, maybe 10 hours. This is where a lot of the warmth drains out
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of the relationship. You each go off into your separate work, you get stressed,
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you deal with difficult people, and by the time you come home, you're basically
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2 tired strangers who share a mortgage.
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So how do you keep the burner on when you
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can't physically touch? Here's the funny part. The answer is the phone, the same phone
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I told you not to touch in the morning. The phone giveth and the phone
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taketh away, but there's a world of difference between texting, can you grab
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milk? And texting, I keep thinking about that kiss this morning.
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Flirty text is one of the most underrated tools in a long-term
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relationship. Think about it. When you were first dating, you probably
15:45
did it constantly, and then you moved in together or got married, and somewhere
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along the way it just stopped. Every text became about the schedule, the kids,
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the bills, and it doesn't need to be explicit. In fact, I'd argue
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the suggestion about non-explicit stuff is even
16:00
funner. Stuff is often more fun because it builds anticipation.
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Here's a couple simple ones. I miss you, baby. You look really good.
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Hello, beautiful. Good morning, sexy. Can't wait to get
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home to you tonight. Can't wait to sleep with you again.
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A little more playful. I have plans for tonight, not telling you what they are,
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or One of my favorites, just so you know, you're getting a very long hug
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when you walk in the door. I love that, that one, because it's a promise
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and they can actually follow— you can actually follow through on it.
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That follow-through is key. If you send the I have plans for you text and
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then they come home and zone out on the couch for 3 hours, that doesn't
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build connection. That builds disappointment. And by the way, you know,
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plans doesn't mean you have to have sex. It means that you're
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gonna make something, their favorite dinner, keep them guessing. Photos work too.
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And no, I don't mean explicit photos being sent on
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your phone. You can just say, I just saw this photo and I thought of
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you and I sent it to you, or a picture of your coffee shop where
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you've had your first date, or a picture of the dog that looks exactly like
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their grumpy uncle, you know, or something that happened cute in your day.
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Every one of these is a bid. Every one, you're on my mind. Now,
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a lot of couples these days, they work from home, and that's a whole different
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challenge. You're physically around each other all day, but you're both in the work mode.
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And in some ways that can be even harder because you're close without
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actually being connected. If that's you, build little touch moments
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into the transitions of your day. When you get up for lunch,
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stop by their desk and put your hands on their shoulders for a second.
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Give them a quick massage. A quick shoulder rub is nice. A kiss on the
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top of their head. And if they're on a video call, maybe skip it.
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Read the room. Nobody wants a surprise kiss during the quarter budget
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review. That's, that'd be bad. And if you can take
17:47
an actual lunch together, take lunch together, sit across from each other, hold each other's
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hands, no laptops, reach across the table and touch hands like you're on a
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date. It's such a small thing, but it feels completely different from eating side
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by side while staring at 2 separate screens. One more midday
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idea, and this one's especially good for couples with long workdays. I call it the
18:06
countdown. Sometimes it's the afternoon text each other. You know, when you're saying,
18:10
I'm looking forward to seeing you tonight, it could be a simple cuddling on the
18:13
couch or a picture of 2 people cuddling, or It gives
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you both something to look forward to. And it also helps you anticipate.
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Honestly, if one of the most powerful ingredients is desire, half the
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fun of anything is looking forward to it. So midday recap,
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send some flirty or appreciative texts and share little things
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like, I'm thinking of you. Follow through on what you promise. And if
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you're home together, build touch into the transition. And then
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in the evening, okay, we're almost done. We're wrapping up. They're coming home and they're
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winding down. Now the evening. And I'd argue that the single most important moment
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of the entire day happens right here. It's the first 2 minutes after they walk
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into the door. Think about how most of us come home. You walk in the
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door, you drop your bags, and the first words outta your mouth are a problem.
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Traffic was terrible. Did the email get to the school? Why is the dog
18:59
wet? Instead, imagine the first thing that happens in a
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real hug is a real hug or a real kiss before the problems start,
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before the logistics. The problems will still be there in 2 minutes. They're not going
19:10
anywhere. But in those 2 minutes, you've reminded each other that You're partners
19:14
first and co-managers of a household second. I think
19:18
of it as a reunion ritual. And you know who does
19:21
this perfectly? Dogs. Your dog does not
19:24
greet you by complaining about their day. Your dog greets you like you
19:28
have been gone for a year and it's the best thing that's ever happened to
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them. They're jumping up, down. They're so excited to see you. So here's your takeaway.
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Be more like a dog. If you have kids, this matters even
19:38
more because the second you walk in, everybody wants something from you.
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So maybe you and your partner make an agreement. We greet each other first.
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First, even if it's just for 30 seconds. And honestly, it's good for kids
19:49
to see that parent hug and that parent kiss. It shows them
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what a loving relationship should look like. They'll probably groan and say,
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ooh, gross. That's okay. That's their job. Then there's
20:00
dinner. You cook together. It's very playful. One of my
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favorite things in the world is dancing in the kitchen while something's on the stove
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cooking. You put on a song you both love, you grab your partner, you sway
20:12
for 2 or 3 minutes. You don't have to be good at it. Actually,
20:15
it's better if you're bad because then you can laugh and make fun of each
20:18
other, and laughing while you're holding each other is a powerful combination. After dinner,
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let's talk about the couch because the couch is where a lot of couples sit
20:26
side by side, each scrolling their own phone for 2-3 hours.
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If you're gonna watch TV, great, watch it, but be touching while you're doing
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it. Feet, feet in each other's legs, head on a shoulder,
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head on their lap. Or a hand resting on their knees, playing with
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their hair. There's so many things you can do when you're sitting next to someone
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on the couch just to be touching them. And now I want to say something
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really clearly because it may be the most important thing in this entire episode.
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Not every touch has to lead somewhere. A lot of couples
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fall into a pattern over time where every touch from
20:59
one partner starts to feel like an invitation to sex. A hug is really a
21:02
question. A back rub is really a negotiation. And so the other partner starts
21:06
avoiding touch altogether because they don't want to have to say no because
21:11
they don't feel like it or they're feeling pressured, and slowly touching disappears
21:15
from the relationship completely because of that. The painful irony
21:18
is the partner who wanted more intimacy ends up getting less of it
21:21
because every touch came with an expectation attachment.
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So the fix is that lots and lots of touch that
21:30
is just touch— hugs that are just hugs, back rubs that are just back rubs.
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When your partner generally knows that a back rub isn't a sneaky
21:38
setup, they can finally relax into it. And when they into
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it. Remember responsive desire from the beginning of the episode?
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That's exactly when it, when it has room to show up.
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It's almost counterintuitive. The less pressure you put on touch,
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the more likely it is to lead to intimacy. Some couples even make
21:57
this explicit. They'll say, tonight we're just going to cuddle. That's it.
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That's it. Nothing else is on the table. And strangely, taking sex
22:04
off the table can make both people feel so much more free, relaxed, and then
22:08
they may have sex anyway. And finally, bedtime. When you can go
22:11
to bed at the same time— I know schedules don't always allow for it,
22:14
but a lot of couples drift into completely different bedtimes without
22:18
ever really deciding to, and they lose one of
22:21
the most natural times of the day to be close. Once you're in bed,
22:25
the phone thing again— put it down or put it in the other
22:29
room. Talk to each other, tell each other one good thing about your day,
22:32
hold each other, fall asleep together touching if you like that,
22:35
or at least start there. Corny can be underrated. Even strong couples I know
22:40
it's a little bit fun to be a little corny and do something unique for
22:43
each other. So far I've painted a pretty nice picture, but I'd be doing
22:47
you a disservice if I pretended that it's always easy. So let's
22:51
troubleshoot a few couple real situations. First situation,
22:54
I want more touch, but my partner doesn't seem into it. This is really common.
22:58
And the first thing I'd say is talk about it outside the
23:02
moment, not right after you reached for them and they've pulled away. Just sit
23:07
down some time and have a conversation about it. That way the moment's changed and
23:10
there's no animosity towards each other. Pick a calm, neutral time and have
23:14
a curious conversation. Curiosity, not accusatory,
23:17
and not, why don't you ever want to be touched? More like,
23:21
I've been thinking about how we can show affection. What kind of touch feels
23:24
really good to you? Is there any that does? And is there any that doesn't?
23:28
Because people generally have different preferences. Some people love a
23:32
lot of touch. Some people get touched out, especially parents of
23:36
young kids who have had a toddler hanging on them for 10 hours straight.
23:40
By the time the kids are asleep, the last thing that parents want is more
23:43
hands on them. That's not rejection. That's a nervous system
23:46
that needs a break. So for that partner, maybe the answer isn't more touch at
23:51
9:00 PM. Maybe it's giving them 20 minutes of real alone
23:54
time in a bath, or maybe the best touch is something low-key like
24:00
just sitting close without a lot of grabbing because they've been grabbed by their toddler
24:02
all day long. And just ask. Some people love having their hair played with but
24:06
hate being tickled. Some people love a hand on their low back but don't
24:10
like surprise hugs from behind. Back hugs are undefeated for some
24:13
people, but others don't like them. And find out what— who you're married to.
24:17
And in fact, you should have known this ahead of time before you got
24:20
married because it shouldn't ever stop. It really should continue through your entire
24:24
marriage. We've been together— and here's another situation. We've been together
24:29
a long time and doing this stuff feels awkward, like we're faking
24:32
it. Honestly, it probably will feel awkward at first if you haven't kissed for 6
24:37
seconds in 5 years. The first one is going to feel strange.
24:40
You might both burst out laughing and that's great. Name it. Say that feels
24:45
weird, right? That's, that's okay. Treat it like an
24:48
experiment. Learn each other's bodies. Learn to play again. Learn to
24:52
have fun like a kid. And usually pretty quickly what felt awkward
24:56
starts to feel natural again. Because it was natural once. You're not learning a
24:59
language. You're remembering an old one. Here's another situation.
25:03
One of us wants way more intimacy than the other. I've been there.
25:07
I've been in this situation where I wanted way more intimacy. This may be the
25:10
most common issue couples face. And I wanna be clear, there's no quick podcast
25:14
fix for this one. Mismatched desire is normal. We probably should have
25:18
a podcast on mismatched desire, but mismatched desire is normal and
25:22
extremely common. But if it's causing ongoing hurt in your relationship,
25:25
it's worth seeing a couples therapist or a certified sex therapist. That's not
25:29
a failure. It's just getting the right help. What I will say
25:34
is that this all-day affection approach can help precisely
25:37
because it lowers the stakes. The partner who wants more gets more closeness
25:42
and connection throughout the day, which can ease some of that longing.
25:46
And the partner who wants less gets touched without pressure, which for
25:50
a lot of people is exactly what allows desire to
25:53
grow stronger in them. But, and this is a big but,
25:57
it only works if the touch is genuinely pressure-free.
26:01
If you're doing all-day affection as a strategy to get something at
26:05
night, your partner's gonna feel it, and people can smell an
26:08
agenda from a mile away. So do this because you actually enjoy being close to
26:12
your partner. Let whatever happens at night be a bonus, not the
26:16
goal. And then situation 4: What if my partner says no?
26:19
Then there's the answer, and you take it gracefully. That goes for
26:24
a kiss, a hug, anything at all. And here's something worth sitting with: How
26:29
you respond to a no has a huge effect on how you're— how safe
26:33
your partner's gonna feel. And eventually they may say yes in the future.
26:36
If your partner pulls back from a hug and sulks or goes cold or
26:40
makes a little comment, what they learn is that your affection comes with strings.
26:45
But if they say, not right now, I'm stressed, and you say, totally,
26:48
I'm here if you want me, and you give them space, what they learn is
26:52
that it's safe to be close to you, that you won't punish them for having
26:55
needs, and that a feeling of safety is what makes
26:59
intimacy grow. Over time. The goal is a relationship where
27:03
both people feel safe and free and free to say yes and completely
27:07
free to say no. Playfulness only works when there's
27:10
safety underneath it. And then the 5th situation I
27:14
came up with is we're longing or we're long distance or our schedules are
27:18
wildly different. So then you get creative. So video
27:22
calls where you actually look at each other instead of multitasking,
27:26
voice notes, which are so much more intimate than So leave
27:30
a voice message because you get to hear the person's voice. Some couples
27:33
even fall asleep on a call together, and the flirty texting I
27:37
talked about earlier can become your main tools. So use it well. And when
27:41
you are finally together, be intentional about that reunion hug. Maybe make it a whole
27:45
minute. All right, so here's your challenge. I want to leave you with something practical.
27:49
So I'm giving you a 7-day challenge this time. I know it's a lot.
27:52
For the next 7 days, try these 5 things every single day
27:56
with your partner. Number 1, touch before your phone. Hug, snuggle, do a quick
27:59
kiss on the forehead before you check your phone in the morning. Correct— connect
28:03
that physical touch with your partner, even for just a few seconds. And then number
28:07
2, the 6-second kiss. It's amazing. You need a 6-second kiss.
28:10
I recommend one in the morning, and I recommend a goodbye kiss and a hello
28:14
kiss for 6 seconds. Do both of them. And then number 3, one flirty or
28:18
appreciative message during the day. Not logistically grab milk
28:23
or pick up some laundry detergent, something that says, I'm thinking about you. And then
28:26
number 4, the reunion hug. When they come home from work,
28:30
give them the biggest hug they've ever had and just keep holding on and
28:34
hold on until you both completely relax. Number 5,
28:37
one moment of both of touch with no agenda,
28:40
a back rub, holding hands on the couch, playing with
28:45
your hair, playing with their hair, touch that, touch that isn't leading anywhere
28:49
just because it feels nice. And that's it. 5 small things,
28:52
probably less than 10 minutes a day total. And at the end of the week,
28:55
sit down together and ask each other, how did that feel? What did you
28:59
like? What did you not like? And what would you change? You might be surprised
29:02
by the answers. I'm generally— I genuinely love to hear how it goes. So send
29:07
me a message and let me know. I'd love to hear from you and how
29:09
you and your partners are doing and tell me about your favorite part.
29:13
Just DM me. Here's what I want you to walk away with today. The spark
29:17
is a relationship doesn't usually die. The spark in a relationship
29:21
usually doesn't die in one big dramatic moment. It fades slowly in all
29:24
the little moments when we could have reached for each other and didn't.
29:28
But here's the good news. It comes back the same way. One touch,
29:31
one kiss, one hug at a time. Keep the burner on. And remember,
29:35
foreplay starts at breakfast. This is Diva Mia. I hope you had a wonderful
29:39
day. I hope you make sure to give your partner a
29:43
hug and a kiss and Cheerio, take care of yourself.
29:47
Bye-bye. Thanks for tuning in.
29:51
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30:04
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