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Breaking Free From Trauma with Aaron Mastny · Business Roundtable

• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to the Business Roundtable podcast. I am your host,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: David Carr of Steward your business bringing people together to
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: accomplish great things. And this week we have another fantastic guest,
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Aaron Masthney, who I've known for years. Actually, I'm excited
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: to have him on the podcast.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Welcome erin, Thanks David, happy to be here.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: I'm really excited absolutely, yeah, well definitely. I mean you
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: and I have been through quite a bit over the years.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You and I met through a mastermind called Wake Up
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Lawyer back in the day and have continued to be
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: in connection. And I think I'm excited for our listeners
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: to come in because we're have a conversation today that
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: we really haven't delved into on the Business Roundtable podcast before.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: And again, I'm grateful to have you here because what
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I've I've titled this really is a way of understanding
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: who you are and Aaron, you've done a lot of
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: work in this space and getting through a lot of
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: traumatic experiences quite honestly, and how do we show up
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: with power presence and really living on our full purpose?
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: And so, Aaron, before we get into the meat of
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: the conversation today, and I want folks to know a
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: little bit more about you, about and your journey and
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: why do you do what you do today with intern Ouchemey.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, David, it was when we met. I
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: guess it's been about two and a half maybe three
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: years ago in this men's group, and a lot of
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: times I think, as men, right, we feel isolated. We
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: feel like, especially in America and culture, we need to
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: do these things by ourselves and figure it out on
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: our own. But what I was craving for at that
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: time was connection with powerful men and just a little
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: bit of backstory about what happened previously. I you know,
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: I had a team of two thousand people and my
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: wife and I were the lead distributors of this company.
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  Speaker 2: But all my income went away, so I lost every
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: like all the income I had was gone, and I
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  Speaker 2: was like, wow, like I need to double down on myself.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: And so although I was like not making money, I
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: jumped into a container that wasn't the cheapest. And what
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: I realized was I started getting into this deep subconscious
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: work because although I'd been leading a lot of people,
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: I realized, like I could give someone medicine to fix
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: their issue, but if they didn't think they were worthy
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  Speaker 2: of it. In a lot of ways, we self sabotage.
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  Speaker 2: So I started really diving deeper into into subconscious reprogramming work.
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  Speaker 2: But even before that, I mean, what brought me to
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: that place was, you know, I was I used to
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: be a heroin addict. I was adicted to pornography and sex,
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: and I was addicted to gambling. And this is coming
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: from my early twenties and then my teens, and it
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: was driven by sexual trauma that I experienced growing up
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: as a kid. And so uh, in a lot of ways,
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  Speaker 2: When my best friend passed and I was at his
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: funeral and I was speaking at his funeral, Although I
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: stopped being a heroin addict at that time, it didn't
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  Speaker 2: stop my shame. It didn't shop stop the stories of
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  Speaker 2: what I was making up. And so for the past
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  Speaker 2: twenty five years, I just turned fifty, just had a
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: newborn baby. I'm just learning how to bring my attention
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  Speaker 2: back to myself and love all my parts.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. No, well, and that's so important. I hope everybody
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: is listening. This is something that isn't just theory out there.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: This is something lived and Aaron has lived it and
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: he's sharing with you. And that's why we have people
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: on the Business Round People podcast. Quite honestly, Aaron that
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: I know personally have developed a relationship because I want
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: folks to listen in and say, Okay, this guy is
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: guy's gone through stuff now sharing and showing me a
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: path forward where I might be stuck. Right. We want
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: to help people avoid some of these stakes or challenges
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: that we've gone through. So you mentioned, Aaron, you know
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: this gone through quite a bit, how you know, talk
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  Speaker 1: a little bit about this, the price you paid, if
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  Speaker 1: you will. We're trying to be somebody that you weren't.
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  Speaker 1: You were trying to do this. And again, I feel
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  Speaker 1: like a lot of people, maybe they're not heroin addicts,
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: maybe you know, but we all have some kind of sedation.
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  Speaker 1: We have some kind of whether it's you know, scrolling
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: on the internet, the food, we alcohol, whatever it is.
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  Speaker 1: And because we have trauma, we have so talk a
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  Speaker 1: little bit about that for those folks that are like
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  Speaker 1: in that place perhaps right now in some degree, you know,
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  Speaker 1: before the clarity, we're going to get into the clarity
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  Speaker 1: about the breaking. But you know what, because you and
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: I were the same way we came. I came awake
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: a boy or for another reasons. I wanted to improve
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  Speaker 1: my marriage, particularly at that point, but I wanted to,
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  Speaker 1: you know, there was things I were doing. We're not healthy.
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  Speaker 1: Talk a little bit about the guy that's stuck there, right.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, you break it up a little bit, David's just so,
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: but I think I go ahead, I got the just
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  Speaker 2: can you hear me?
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Okay, you're good, You're good?
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Okay, So what I heard you saying? You're breaking up
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  Speaker 2: a little bit there, But you know, walking through trauma.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Yes, right, yeah?
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  Speaker 2: And I mean we have eight billion people on our planet.
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  Speaker 2: Everyone has their own individual relationship with their experience. Right.
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  Speaker 2: So what I've recognized and learned, as you know, becoming
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: a therapeutic coach and learning how to help people walk
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: themselves back home to themselves is really resolving mother father wounds,
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: generational trauma that came from our grandparents. And what happened
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: was the core of it's really lack of feeling love
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: or safety. And every time I experience that pain, right,
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: that pain stored in my nervous system, my mind picked
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: up a part to try to get away from that pain.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Yep.
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  Speaker 2: Right, So some people have controller parts, some people have
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  Speaker 2: people pleaser parts, some people have avoider parts. We all
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: have these different parts, and they happen when we're kids,
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: not because they're bad, but because they wanted to try
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  Speaker 2: to get away from the underlying sensation that at that
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  Speaker 2: time when we were kids, we didn't know how to
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: process it. We just did. We didn't have the capacity
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: or of capabilities to do so. So they say, what
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: happened to you when you were a child was not
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: your fault. But as we get older, it is our
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: responsibility to learn how to be with the parts of
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  Speaker 2: ourselves that in a lot of ways, our mind is
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  Speaker 2: trying to get away from itself, which is very tricky.
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  Speaker 2: It's call it tricky. Like you know, people talk about
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: the ego, people talk about, you know, the mind, and
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  Speaker 2: a lot of ways the mind is designed to get
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: away from the pain. And that's not bad, but that's
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: what it becomes, a very deeply unconscious habit that we're
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: not aware of.
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  Speaker 1: Right and and Aaron, I mean speak I mean a
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: little bit too. Some people, you were trying to get
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  Speaker 1: away from the pain, but we're trying to solve it
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  Speaker 1: in a we don't know the tools, like you said,
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  Speaker 1: we don't especially when you're young, and then you kind
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: of get used to the pain and you're staying in
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: the pain, and it's like, wait, this isn't healthy. Talk
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: a little bit about your journey from you know, where
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: you you finally were able to break free of that pain. Aaron.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: You're like, hey, I don't want to I don't this,
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  Speaker 1: I don't want to be experienced in this pain anymore.
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  Speaker 1: You said, you like, I broke for you of the heroine,
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  Speaker 1: but I broke there were still some other areas in
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  Speaker 1: my life, but there was still pain. Speak a little
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  Speaker 1: bit to that.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, they say statistically seven out of ten
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  Speaker 2: people are in a normalized stressed state. So most people
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: don't even recognize or realize that they're in survival because,
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: like you said, it's become normal.
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  Speaker 1: Right.
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  Speaker 2: So a lot of men like overachieving were, like you
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  Speaker 2: know in the United States, like oh, if I'm successful
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: or I make the money, so we drive and strive
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  Speaker 2: to become successful and then only to get to that
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  Speaker 2: point and the pain is still there because we're driven
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  Speaker 2: by the trauma.
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  Speaker 1: Right.
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  Speaker 2: So I work with professional athletes, I work with billionaires,
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  Speaker 2: and they can't turn it off, not because they're bad
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  Speaker 2: it's because it's so deeply embodied as a way of
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  Speaker 2: being right, and in the mind will lie to you
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  Speaker 2: all day long. It'll tell you like, oh, if I
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: do this thing, then I'll be loved and accepted. Now that,
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  Speaker 2: in a lot of ways, in my opinion, is distortion,
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  Speaker 2: and that distortion is coming from trauma that is not
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  Speaker 2: being recognized, and it's hard to Sometimes people don't even
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: know if I was adopted. I work with people that
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: are adopted, very successful doctors and surgeons, and they don't
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  Speaker 2: remember the adoption. But I can tell you this, they
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  Speaker 2: absorbed that trauma, that feeling of rejection. And so you
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: have men that are really angry and frustrated, or you
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: have people that are like people pleasing and they're like
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: overly emotional. So none of it's bad or wrong. It's
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  Speaker 2: just in a lot of ways, it just hasn't been
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  Speaker 2: identified properly, and we're trying to do something from survival
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  Speaker 2: to get away from it, which keeps us stuck in
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  Speaker 2: a loop. It's it's like a cycle we just keeps
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  Speaker 2: saying in this right, so like yeah, So to kind
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  Speaker 2: of put in perspective, one of my deepest traumas growing
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  Speaker 2: up was. You know, I was teased and bullied for
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: being Asian in an all white school down in South Jersey,
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  Speaker 2: in the in the Pine Bearns. So I had like
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  Speaker 2: this deep insecurity of being loved and accepted. So I
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: wanted to be loved and accepted.
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  Speaker 1: Right.
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  Speaker 2: One of my first friends all of a sudden became
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  Speaker 2: sexual towards me. Now I didn't understand what was happening.
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  Speaker 2: I was confused, But my mother brought me up in
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: a religious context of home sexuality was bad and wrong.
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  Speaker 2: So I didn't want to share that trauma. So I
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  Speaker 2: kept it a secret. Okay, And then I did got
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: into sports. I got into like overachieving, and but again
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: I was being driven to get away from it. And
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: then so when I found things like heroin and alcohol
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: and substances, all of a sudden that helped me to
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: numb out my pain.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Right. And so.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: It wasn't until much later in life, even a couple
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: of years ago, when COVID hit and I was traveling
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: the country with my wife. This guy reached out to me,
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: the guy that was sexual towards me, and he apologized,
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: Oh wow, and I was like, And so I actually
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: met up with him in person with him and his
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: wife in Las Vegas. We went out to dinner and
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: I said, hey, what happened did you? Were you sexually traumatized?
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: Where did you learn to Where'd you pick up that part?
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: And he goes, no, Actually, I wasn't abused by my parents.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: He goes, what happened was a father sexually abused his son,
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: and that son was sexual with all the kids in
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: the neighborhood. So and then that he was sexual towards me.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: So in a way, like we picked up the part
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: of that violation. Yeah, right, and then all of a
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: sudden that became one of my deepest wounds being violated.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: So it's interesting even in like the context of like
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: doing like sales or like working with people, if I
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: feel like I'm violating someone at the slight and they're uncomfortable,
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: I kind of pull back and I go into a
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: people pleaser part. Does that make sense?
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So the key is we can never go the
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: amount of love that we can our loving awareness and attention,
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  Speaker 2: There's no limit to that. So even before this call today,
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: I worked with another therapy to coach because I felt
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: like I'm at my next limit, I'm at my next plateau.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: We hit that next kind of block, and I noticed,
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: like I want to give myself away for free. I don't.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: I don't feel worth of it. And I mapped it
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: out and boom. I got to be with that little
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: kid today, that little wounded little boy, and I talked
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: to him and as I unpacked the emotions, he's like, Hey,
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: there's nothing to be ashamed of, divine wisdom. Intelligence. That
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: was like a part of me. But I was robbing
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: myself of not actually getting that lesson because I would
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: avoid it.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well a lot of us avoid that. Yeah, you're right, Aaron.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, you're digging in. And that's again why I
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: felt like I wanted to have you on here, because
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: you're you're coaching people, but you're also being coached, just
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: as I am too. It's both ways. It's right, it's ongoing.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: All of us need that. We all have blind spots.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, and so I when you say this is powerful,
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: because why I want folks to listen in today for reading,
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: particularly because I get to work with lots of different
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: leaders and you know, folks, but if there's this deep
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: level of trauma, like you're saying, Aaron, We're always going
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: to try to fill that hole in unhe healthy ways
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: if we're not conscious of it, like you said, we're unconscious,
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: we're asleep to it at some point and we don't
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: even realize how much there is. But talk a little
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: bit about you know, your journey then from from suppression
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: and you've you're getting this breakthrough. You talked about this
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: even today. This is going back to your to your
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: your young self. But where you're like now when you
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: have that realization, and one of the things we have
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: in our wake up way or from it is stop
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: lying and start telling the truth. Right. So it's a
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: way of like, hey, you're no longer defined by that
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: guilt or that shame, but like you said, that moment
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: of that's not who I am anymore. That happened to me,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: but that's not who I am anymore? Right erin right?
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, so if you think about it, are different
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: levels of consciousness is like different layers, and we all
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: have a certain map. So in a lot of ways, when
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: I work with someone, I map out their consciousness so
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: they can make different connections. Okay, now, in a lot
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: of ways, my mind, her mind, as soon as like
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: we start thinking about like a past negative experience your mind.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: My mind will do everything it can to get away
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: from it. So I have a very strong disassociative avoid part.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: I was diagnosed adhd.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah I got that too, Yes, yeah, I mean.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: You know, life really comes down to your where you
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: put your attention and what is my intention? Right, So
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: my intention with this talk is to hopefully have someone
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: hear this and be like, oh wow, Like Okay, Aaron
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: was able to overcome his deep trauma. I can have
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: the courage to do the same and it doesn't have
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: to be painful. The mind makes up a story, has
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: fear of that Paine, right. So when it comes down
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: to it, we're either living in love or living in fear.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm, love and acceptance or resistance judgment and fear.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: And the judgmental mind is my survival mind. That's my humanness.
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  Speaker 2: That's not a bad part, but in a lot of
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: ways that part prevents me from healing the deeper layers
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: within myself because we judge for me, I judge myself.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: That I might ye over.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: The critical of itself. Some people have a wound of
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: judging other people. Okay, In a lot of ways, we
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: just picked up what was done to us from like
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: how are our parents judging? How is my mom judging?
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: How is my Those judgments aren't even ours, they're beliefs
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: that were we absorbed.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Mm hmmmm hmm.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, so the so the first name of
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: the game is to have awareness of the of the
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: parts that are driving us, that are they're trying to
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: help us, but at the same time they're creating certain
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: negative states or we might have negative experiences, or we
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: have negative core beliefs, and those beliefs in a lot
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: of ways, they picked up sensations and emotions that we're
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: also trying to get away from. That doesn't allow us
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: to process what happened.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Mm hmmm.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: We're unconsciously trying to get away from our internal experience.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: And the addiction is I want to get something external
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: to like you said before, fill the void. Fill the void,
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: so yeah, field or get masked the pain.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would imagine Aaron. It takes, you know, so
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: if somebody finally can at least recognize, Okay, I'm doing
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: something unhealthy, it's not serving me, And then then there's
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: a lot the question of Okay, who do I trust?
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: How because this is good you. Obviously you're sharing some
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: things you've done through a lot of trauma. You've done
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: a lot of work. It doesn't have that stranglehold that
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: at once did on you. But imagine folks like you said,
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of guilt and shame with that that's
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: been unprocessed. And so what is your way? Aaron, I'm
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: engaging somebody that says, okay, if they hear this and
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: they're like, man, I know, I recognize it. I'm not
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: doing something's healthy, but I don't know. I mean, I'm
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: gonna be I'm opening the door to something and now
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: not a people. Maybe I've never shared this before. A
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: very few, very few people know this about me. How
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: do you get into the room with a person like that? Aaron?
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So that's a great that's a great point because
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: you meet people with where they're at, and we talk
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: about it in therapeutic coaching. We all have a what's
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: called a window of tolerance. Okay, So your mind and
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: your body is very intelligent to try to keep you
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: away from what you can't handle. That's why in like
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: the you know, psychedelic medicine world, sometimes people go into
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: psychedelic medicine, it takes them directly into their trauma. It's
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: too far, too fast. They bypass their protector parts, and
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: they actually can become more traumatized if they're not if
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: they're not careful, they don't have a reference of what's
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: going on internally. Does that make sense, Yeah, So in
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: the beginning, in a lot of ways, it's just getting
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: to know the parts of yourself.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: So some of us have like a part, Oh, man,
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: I don't like this part of myself, and oh this
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: this part eats too much food, and all this part judges. Right,
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: we have all these different parts and layers of ourselves.
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: So at the end of the day, it's finding out
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: each one of them has a positive intention. So here's
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: the trick. When you start getting to know the different
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: parts of yourself and you can appreciate where they're coming from,
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: meaning they're trying to help you, you have a different
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: experience with yourself. Instead of judging it, which creates a
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: negative experience, you actually have appreciation. You get to actually
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: bring yourself what I call it, you're coming back into
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: wholeness within yourself. So in a lot of ways, when
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: your part was born, when you it came from trauma,
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: meaning lack of love or lack of safety, mother, father wounds.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: A lot of ways, you picked up a part that
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: got separated a long time ago, and that part thinks
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: it needs to go get something to feel whole because
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: it felt the separation when you were a kid. Does
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: that make sense?
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: Ye?
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, So how do we do it well? First
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: is seeing recognizing what are these because what your thoughts are,
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: your beliefs aren't even real. Their thoughts are not real,
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: but they create your felt experience that's in your body,
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: in your nervous system. So I teach a whole twelve
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: module course based off of seventeen years of trauma research
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: on how to reset your nervous system, because if you
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: don't feel safe in your body, doesn't matter what you
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: tell yourself. That's why everyone has really good psycho education.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: They can know and understand these things their concepts. But
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: until you learn to experience and feel safe in your
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: nervous system, your mind will all will be all over
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: the place. So in a lot of ways, it's seeing
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: that the mind is causing the issue, pausing the mind,
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: and then bringing your loving attention and awareness back to
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: what is calling forth your attention, which are the sensation.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: So we have feelings, but then we have feelings about
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: the feelings. The feelings about the feelings are the interpretations
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: of the feelings. In a lot of ways, it's preventing
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: us from actually healing.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: It sounds like we're almost like sabotaging ourselves Aaron Like.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: For sure, the humanness part of us is the part
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: the human part of us, because that's what the human
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: part is designed to do. The human part is designed
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: to be in survival.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: Mm.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: But if you you sharing a belief of like there's
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: a divine intelligence that goes supersedes this this body, all
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: of a sudden, you have a consciousness that to me
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: is connected to divine source. You have a direct link
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: to bringing your awareness to the part that's calling forth
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: your attention. You can heal all of your trauma and
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: your parts by bringing it to it and loving it
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: and accepting it. But we have not been taught how
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: to do that because we're conditioned to do the opposite.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: That's why the game is so difficult in the beginning.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: Right, We're conditioned yet just to figure it out on ourselves,
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: lean only on our own understanding. Like you're saying Aaron,
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: and we're we're you know, wherever you are on your
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: religious spectrum. I mean, if you think your end all
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: be all the answers, that's that to me is scary
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: that I'm I mean a meaning meaning that there's that
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I know all I don't know, I know, I know
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: know all things. I know that I'm limited in my understanding.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: Like you said, Aaron, But if you believe that there's
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: something beyond you, a divine source God, that's I have
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: that faith of my background, but something beyond you, then
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: you can say, okay, well then there's something that can
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: come from that can be I can be transformed, right,
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: you can be you can take this and I'm not
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: it's not just limited to me, because if it's just
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: limited to me, I feel like I'm in trouble.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: Well that's that's the opposite of connection, which is addiction,
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: which is I'm I'm by myself, I'm on my own,
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: like that's the ultimate. When I was suicidal. There's twice
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: when I was, you know, addicted to heroin, and another time
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: when I lost all my money and resources. I was
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: in a Ponzi scheme with twenty six friends and family,
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: all my best clients is back in twenty ten. It
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: brought me to my knees and I was trying to
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: people please a bully, which was my trial. So I
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: was just and I was like, I was an ultimate victim.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: I was like, well, you know all this money and
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: you know I didn't get what I wanted. Why did
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: I do that? Because my mind made up a story
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: that if I pleased this person, that that would solve
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: the internal problem. That was a major lesson, yep. And
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: it wasn't until I walked into a church and the
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: scam artist that that was there was sitting in the
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: back of the church and I ran into him. Six
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: months after I started kind of in recovery mode. And
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: it was crazy because I looked at him, I'm like,
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: what are you doing here? And he was like, oh,
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to find God. I'm trying to find Jesus.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, bro, why don't you give me my
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: money back?
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: Then?
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: And here's the even crazier part. So we're sitting there
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: in this church and the pastor starts telling a sermon
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: and he starts telling our story. He goes, I know
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: there's a scam artist out here. I know he took
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: money and he did this, and I'm looking at this
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: guy and he's looking at me, and I'm like, wait
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: a second. I'm like, did he confess to the pastor?
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: That's why I thought. I was like trying to be
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: a lot about it. So I went to the past
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: or afterwards, I said, Hey, what did this guy tell
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: your story? He's like no, It's like, I was like,
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: you're telling my story. He's like, that's what God was
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: telling me to share. And then a week later, this
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: guy's name is Renegade Fox. You can look him up.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: Wasn't a very nice guy, but at the first time,
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: that was the first time I took responsibility. I'm like,
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: he didn't steal from me. I was like, I actually
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: gave him what I needed to do to have something
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: so painful show up to bring me back to myself.
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: And then when so he asked me to forgive him
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: and get baptized with him in the following week across
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: I used to live in North Beach, Miami, Florida, as
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: an old Native American park, and so I said, I
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: agreed to it, not for him, I agreed to it
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: for my to forgive myself for what I had done.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: And so at the time, I was married to another
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: woman and I got home and it was her brother
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: that died from the heroin addiction. She had never fully
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: recovered from that, so she, you know, she was drinking
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: and we're deep in addiction. Anyway, She's like, what where
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: were you?
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: What happened?
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, I ran into renegade at
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: church and she's like, well, did you kill him? Did
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: you murder him? It's like in her mind, in my
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: mind too, he destroyed us. And I was like, oh,
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: I'm actually going to get baptized with him in the
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: ocean next week. And she's like, what's wrong with you, dude?
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, I was like, I don't know, but
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: I just had to let this go, yes, And that
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: was when I let it go. And when I say
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: let it go, I mean I had my car rebode,
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: I had no money and I couldn't even borrow money,
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: but I trusted God would take care of me. And
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: it just got me to the next part. It's like,
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: I was just grateful for my breath, grateful for it
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: that I could walk and I could talk, and I
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: started rebuilding myself. But you know, these things are not accidents. Unconsciously,
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: I was driven to address what was in myself and
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: until I faced it within myself, I created things externally
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: to show me what was happening internally.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: It goes. It's really relationships a great reflection. Yeah, kids
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: are a great reflection. I mean, every life is going
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: to reflect back to you where you're at.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Well, you've you've definitely come a long way. I mean
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: you've integrated you know, the masculine. I feel like you've
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: included your faith, spirituality, intuition, obedience. You know, you've integrated
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: these things and taking it from a place where you
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: could have you could have been, you could have stayed
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: in that pain and anger and victim and hey, you
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: did this to me. And I see a lot of
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: people that that do that. They go through life very angry, upset,
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: and it's almost becomes their identity to a degree. Right,
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: it's like almost self And I don't think they would
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: say this, but if you if we really dig into it,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: it's a self imposed prison. They put themselves in prison,
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: and they have the key. The key, there's a key
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: to get a lot. They can are they can really
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: like step out of that. But they's like no, I'm
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: going to stay in this. This is mine.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You bring up a great point, which is in
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: a lot of ways, we get addicted to how we
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: felt the pain that we experienced as kids. So this
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: is you'll see this all the time. You know, someone
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: chooses to be in an abusive relationship, why do they
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: choose to be in an abusive relationship? Everyone's like, what,
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: he's hitting you or she's hitting you, or they're abusing you.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: Why And they don't even know why. They're like, but
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: I can guarantee you if I talk to that person
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: and ask like, hey, where.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: Did you pick that up?
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: How will you? What did you experience as a little kid?
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: And they absorbed it as like this was normal, then
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: they search it out because that's what their reference point is.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: They have no like that's why. It's like you tell
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: like certain men sometimes it's like, hey, just go love yourself,
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: and they have a really strong controller part. They don't
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: even know what that means. I mean, they're like, oh,
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: go make more money, right, you see what I'm saying.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: It's yeah, go go be more successful. That's that's me
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: loving myself because that's their default of like, let me
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: go get something to prove I'm worthy.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: Mm hmmm.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: What if you learn how to just actually bring your
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: attention and actually give that directly to yourself as a
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: habit right to get something, to try to prove it.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: That's that's the rue, because you said to me, like
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: for this this gentleman, it wasn't for him. It was
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: because look, I'm I'm submitting because it's better for me.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to get this deeper truth of who I am.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: And I'm yes, it's painful, but I recognize that this
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: isn't I knew I needed to do this and and
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: get into in a healthier place because a lot of
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: guys don't, like you said, they want to start performing,
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: they want to do something else, and they're not willing
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: to you know, submit like you. You you you had
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: legal rights, if you will, Aaron, you had, You had
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: the grounds to persecute this guy, to go after this guy,
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: but you decided, no, I'm gonna submit this. I'm gonna
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: lay it down. Even though I had the the right
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: quote unquote right to do it. Is it going to
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: serve me in the end?
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: Well, you know, you did bring up another part of
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: the story, which is I did address it with the authorities.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Uh huh, so I did. I did submit all the
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: paperwork because he it wasn't I wasn't the only person
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: that he took me, a woman one point one million
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: a half million over here. So we submitted everything to
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: the FBI. Here's the funny interesting. I call it tromedy.
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: I called traumedy because it's like, once I start to
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: resolve these things, kind of like I can I can
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: learn to love and appreciate my parts versus like hating
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: them and resenting them. But ten years later, when we
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: were on the road trip with my wife after COVID,
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: the FBI agent reached out to me and said, hey,
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: you know that guy, his real name was Wayne Carswell,
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: so you know, like I Wayne. He's like, we finally
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: got him and put him in jail. And at that point, I,
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: you know what, it become a distant memory. And I
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: kind of was like actually, actually not kind of. I
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: was grateful for the gift that he taught me to
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: how to learn, because I was a pivotal moment in
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: my life that brought me to my knees to learn
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: how to bring my attention start to unpack my parts
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: back to myself. MM hmmm, how can I come back
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: to myself? And in a lot of ways, I think
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: the world, you know, this generational trauma thing that you know,
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: is becoming more and more popular in terms of like
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: oh my gosh, like okay, maybe I things here that
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: I picked up as kids. Maybe there's some ways that
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: I can resolve these things. It doesn't I don't have
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: to go try to get something to resolve it. What
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: I think I can start learning to do that for myself.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: And it's it's simpler than we think. The mind wants
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: to get really complex. Yeah, it's not as hard as
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: we make it.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So yeah, and that's what you know, that's where
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: folks can can work with you through in an alchemy
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: to take that you know, inner fracture like you said,
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: and really get identify that and then you know you
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: can take take the action on that. I think one
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: of the thing I've like I love about you, Aaron,
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: is that you can coach. You hold a mirror if
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: you will, and you're helping men get there there do
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: they do the work because you can't? You cannot. Isn't
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: we have people around as they're trying to fix somebody
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: or change something. You can't. I can't change right, you
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: can't change you. You can't fix it. It has they have to
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: be wanting to.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Do that, right, So obviously there there's got to be
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: a willingness. Someone has to have courage, right, have courage
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: to face them. If you ever studied David or Hawkings
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: power versus force, there's a different levels of consciousness. The
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: lowest one is shame. Right, there's guilt, and then there's fear,
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: and then there's anger.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: Anger is a powerful emotion if we use it to
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: push ourselves, motivate ourselves. And then there's courage and then
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: courage to face your pain. And shame is learning how
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: to be with it. Yes, but most people don't have
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: been conditioned to get away from it. They don't they
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: don't know how to be with it. So in a
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: lot of ways, having a guide I call it like guides.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: I feel like we're all guides in a way, right,
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: Like you've learned certain skill sets. You're good at business,
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: you're helping you good at helping people in an organization
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: and teamwork and leadership. You you help to guide people
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: that don't have that skill set, right, all, what I
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: really help men do and women too. Masculine women, I
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: would say more so than feminine women. But masculine women
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: and men is how to process their emotions. Because I
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: think about it, who taught you how to process your emotions?
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: No, but that's how we think about it.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: That's that we experience ourselves. So wouldn't it be helpful
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: to learn that? Like I mean, I don't know. To me,
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: that's you know, we spend so much time on other things.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: But it's like most of us are looking for the experience.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: We're looking for love, we're looking for safety, we're looking
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: for peace, we're looking for joy, happiness. What if how
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: you're relating to yourself is your key to unlocking your
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: greatest joy that you're holding the key? Yes, right, yeah,
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: you're the only one that can actually open it.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: Yes. So what what what I hear you saying, Aaron,
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: is that some guys are like, well, I just want
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: some kind of strategy. But the way I'm going to
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: use the word is a reckoning if you will, that
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: you're bringing them a reckoning to to you know, to
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: really get these through these feelings, identify these feelings so
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: that they can get past the block. Now this is
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: this is a I really like you said, an experience
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: most guys I know, I didn't. I couldn't name more
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: than happy, sad, glad, mad. Maybe I mean really like
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: going to the extent of the emotions and talking and
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: working processing through them like you said, Aaron, and really
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: having all like I said, For me, it's a reckoning
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: like kind of like getting through this and saying, Okay,
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: now I'm unlocked that one like you said, Like I mean,
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: there's there's like you said, there's different levels, there's layers there, right,
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: but hey, there's one.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: Right right, right right, So it's every time you learn
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: how to as a habit, what if you could learn
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: how to bring your attention back to yourself. Now that
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: might sound kind of like overly simplistic, because there's different
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: parts of you that typically don't want you to go
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: to the deeper parts within yourself. That's why. And like
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: if I'm like, okay, we start talking about something that's
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: uncomfortable for you, all of a sudden, the parts that
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: like you start feeling that stuff, your mind's going to
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: be like, wait a second, let's get away from this,
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: Like let's talk about something else, or let's do something else,
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: or let's we don't do that, especially in men in
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: our culture, if you were emotional, it's like the fear
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: of is like I'm going to be weak. Right, there's
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: like a story of like, oh if I show you
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: my feelings, that means you could use it against me.
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: But where did that belief come from? Right, Like from
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: our fathers. It came from our grandfathers. It came from
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: like war, it came from try, it came from all
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: this stuff that's no longer happening in this moment, but
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: it did happen. And so because it wasn't processed from
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: the past, we carry it forward and until someone says,
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: wait a second, I have the courage to address this
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: and learn from it and actually like create a different
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: experience internally with it. All of a sudden, it releases
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: itself and now you have another piece of yourself back.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so beautiful. And that before we were recording,
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: I was telling you, I saw you did a photos
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: Facebook post and you know, your son has are on
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: your chest and you're talking and you're so calmly and
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: you're talking about this and how you're showing up now
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: as a father and talk a little bit about that.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: I mean, just you know, the energy is different, and
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: it was it was beautiful by the way. I really
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: appreciate that. And and so you just share some great
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: wisdom there. But it's you know, you've really created a
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: new you know, legacy. I see Aaron in the way
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: that you're showing up and leading really from love, from abundance. Yeah,
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: being a blessing and serving so many people.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: Now, yeah, you know so because of of what because
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: of my trauma, and I think a lot of us,
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: every human being on the planet, because of the negative
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: experiences they they've they've gone through. Actually, we all build
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: resources to overcome that. Like it's almost a very it's
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: like a it's a beautiful thing to notice. Like Dave,
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: Like if we were sitting here and we had more
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: time and I started asking you questions about stuff. You've
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: created a lot of amazing things because of your pain. Yeah, okay,
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: so you have all these resources, maybe in business and
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: things of that nature, but maybe in health or like
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: relationships you might have neglected a bit. So the key
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: is to know that you have resources and learn how
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: to bring them to the areas where typically we avoid
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: or we don't address. Now you mentioned my son, So
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: my son even there's a great book. It's actually right
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: here on my desk, talks about says why love matters.
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: So this book right here talks about like the science
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: of what we're talking about, which is even in your
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: in the belly, like before Ezra was even born. Okay,
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: first trimester, we don't remember that. Typically I don't. I
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: can't remember the first trimester. I don't know if you can.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: But no, like first.
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: First trimester, when he's been conceived, he's determining our baby
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: if whether or not is it safe to go into
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: the world, or is do I need.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: To protect myself. Now that isn't determined on him. That's
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: determined on his environment. That's his mother. If his mother,
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: my wife is in a disregulated survival state, how how
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: do you think he's going to feel?
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's right to him. Right.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: So when he was born, we did it at home birth.
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: We didn't do it in a hospital. We didn't do
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: any you know, vaccines, And I'm not saying anything like
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: against what people want, you know, believe in, but we
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: put it. We did in a very natural setting, holistic,
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: ballistic way. And I mean, I got to tell you
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: this kid, we call him my nickname for him is easy.
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: E that was our declaration. He's easy. Now he does cry,
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: obviously he's a baby. But I would say if his
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: needs are met, he's just looking for safety and he's
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: just looking like and he is just absorbing his environment.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: So the key with parenting, what I'm learning is if
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: I don't address it internally, he's going to show it
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: externally right right, And there's no hiding it. Like he's
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: a perfect sponge to show me where I'm at. And
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: the motivation now that more than ever, is like it's
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: not just me anymore. It's not just even me and
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: my wife. Like, if you want to, you know, take
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: on one of the biggest challenges in your life, I
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: would say, you know, have kids, get married? Yes, that
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: is for sure?
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: Eron, Well, I mean, here's reality, because just use that.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: You know, it is an indicator. I'm not saying it's
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: the only indicator, but I think you know, ask people
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: how are they doing in their marriage or how are
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: they doing with their children, and and is there a
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: lot of trauma there or not? And you know you're
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: going to see a level of how healthy the person is.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: For me, even starting my own business, the reason I
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: had delayed that for many years is because I wanted
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: to get healthier, I wanted to have a stronger marriage,
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: and I felt like, hey, if I'm going to go
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: into another realm and I don't have this one done,
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: it's it's just gonna it's gonna cascade. So like the
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: better like you said, you've got, you got healthier, put
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: you in a better place to be a better marriage partner, now,
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: better father, now better businessman. Uh, you know all of
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: these things. But it's like you got to put your
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: house in order, and I feel like, you know, this
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: is where I think you're so important, Aaron, is if
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: you're if you're trying to do all these things externally
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: at a high level and not going into the foundation,
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: that's not going to make that much I mean it'll
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: make some different instance, but it's not gonna make that
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: much difference to where if we go down to the
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: foundation of who you are, getting that resolved, like you said,
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: am I allowed to my safe? Am I protected? Then
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: you know we can we can go from the inside
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: out instead of the outside in. Right.
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a great point. Yeah, if I don't feel
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: safe in my nervous system, I'm going to be making
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: up a lot of stories, and my parts are going
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: to try to find something externally to calm my nervous
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: system down. That becomes an addiction in my opinion. M right,
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: So let's start with the source. Like, let's start with
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: feeling safe in the body, and a lot of us
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: have not been taught how to do that.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. Right.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: So if we can make that a fundamental piece of
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: like imagine, and we start doing that internally, the next
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: generation of kids, how are they going to feel if
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: we're feeling safe right, right?
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: And if I stop trying to chase safety or get
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: safety and start learning how to be it internally, all
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: of a sudden, I don't have to work so hard
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: to try to do all these extra things that are
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: not relevant to really what's most important to my family,
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: to my friends, to my nucleus. Right, it's so, it's so.
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: It starts with me, it starts with you, It starts
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: in the game starts inside out, but the mind wants
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: to make it outside in. That's why it's so. Mind
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: is so tricky because I know it happened.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Aaron, I know we were going along because there's
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: so many good things I know, but we're gonna we're
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: gonna close into the podcast, and I love that you're
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: bringing so many great points here. We've covered a lot today. Well,
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: I have a question. We here one more questions before
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: we're close wrapping up. But what would you say for
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: the man right now who's really hiding in his own life,
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: if you will, what would you challenge him in this moment?
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: You know, hey, you're hiding back.
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's a great it's such a great question. So,
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: the wounded masculine, I don't think it's talked about a lot.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: You know, well maybe it is a little bit, but
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: wounded masculine, wounded feminine. But so many men right we
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: are called we call it the lone wolf syndrome. In
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: my men's group. I got to do it by myself.
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: So going back to the conversation of the opposite of
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: addiction is connection. Okay, So my wife and I have
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: a retreat center called Rebirth. It's in Travelers Rest, South Carolina,
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: where in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains, beautiful place.
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: We do all kinds of transformational work there. But we
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: just formed a men's group last couple of weeks ago.
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: And why do we form a men's group, so men
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: could come together, connect and have a safe space to
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: be what, to be honest, to share the truth, to
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: talk about the frustrations, to talk about our feelings and emotions,
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: not from a place of like, you know, victim, Like
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: oh I'm a victim. It's like no, like this is
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: how what I'm experiencing. So we can release it and
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: and there's something in the power of community. There's something
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: in the power of a brotherhood and a sisterhood when
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: we hold each other and we can support support one
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: another authentically, not even like I need to fix you.
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: It's more like, let me just be with you so
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: you can move through this experience and let you know
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: you're not alone.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, so we're not your Your challenges, your feelings and
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: sensations and experiences are very similar to mine. They're just
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: wrapped up in a different story. So can we be
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: honest about it, unpack it so then we can come
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: back to the moment and actually go into creating what
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: we truly desire, what we what we're worthy of. But
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: it's hard to do that if we're constantly being pulled
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: back into the past and trying to get away from
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: the past. See what I'm saying like, let's release that,
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: let it go, learn how to do that as a
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: as a group. And so the short answer to your
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: question is search out people that you that you admire,
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: resonate with, find groups of men that you can trust,
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: and start to learn how to just connect.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: Mm hmm yeah.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: And just like that's what I did when I did
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: so go into the recovery rooms. I thought I was
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: all by myself, and then I sat in a room
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: with people that had similar addictions and I'm like, holy fuck,
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: these are my people. It's like they know exactly where
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: I'm at because they're going through the same ship.
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I mean we we want no I agree
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: with you. In today's world, ah, you know pseudo Okay,
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: sow pseudo connection because we have all these things electronic connection,
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: but it's really not truly true connection, like you're saying, Aaron,
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: like you and I showed showed up a month after
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: month in person. I mean we were online too, but
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: we we had different, multiple modes of connection, and you know,
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: and and to me, having a retreat and experience is
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: super powerful. So if anybody has not gone on, you know,
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: something like that, I highly recommend it. And Aaron. We're
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: going to put links into the show notes so folks
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: can follow up with you, but how they can get
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: plugged into your community or work with you. So if
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: you're listening here, please check out the show notes and
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: also leave any comments you have. We'll make sure Aaron
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: gets them so that way he can respond and follow
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: up with you. Guys, have any questions or feedback on
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: any of the things we've talked about here. But Aaron,
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: as we're wrapping up the podcast, is there. You know,
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: I asked you my question, but I want to give
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: you the opportunity if there's anything else that you wanted
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: to share key takeaways or thoughts or something. As folks
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: are listening in today and they're like, man, this Aaron guy,
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: He's covered a lot of stuff, and you know that
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: you would want them just to walk away listening from
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: this podcast and then that they should just you know,
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: internalize something actually that they should take. What would you
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: just want to impart eron if nothing else at the
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: heres the podcasts?
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think the biggest thing what I'm
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: even just continuously working towards is to being you know,
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: this authentic expression. And I believe we're all expressions of
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: the divine. The thing that gets in the way is
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: our humanness. And if we can learn to love and
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: accept the humanness of ourselves, then that that.
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: And how do you do that. You do that with
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: your consciousness. You do that with your loving awareness. We
• 45:34
  Speaker 4: all have it, all have it, and no one can
• 45:38
  Speaker 4: take that away from you. So the key is to
• 45:40
  Speaker 4: learn how to bring that awareness and attention and learn
• 45:43
  Speaker 4: how to do that as a habit and actually clear
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: out the sensations and stories that aren't in a lot
• 45:50
  Speaker 4: of ways, not even yours, because then you.
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: Can leave that baggage, right, leave that baggage.
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: And let it go and let it be, and then
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: all of a sudden, you just become more free, and
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: you become more of who you truly are, and you
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: can express yourself authentically. And a lot of us that's
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: all we're waiting for. We're just waiting for each other
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: and for ourselves just to wake up to the fact
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: that we are the ones. You are the one you're
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: looking for.
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Aaron, thank you so much for just
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: coming on the podcast and sharing your journey. I hope
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: there's a little different than we normally cover on the
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: Business Rundew podcast. But here's the reality. You're going to
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: be a much better person overall in business than every
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: part of life if you follow the advice and the
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: guidance that Aaron is providing you today and be free
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: of the guilt and the shame and all this baggage
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: that you don't need to carry with you. Be free.
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: I mean that that is fantastic and very much needed
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: in today's world.
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: Erin Yeah, I and I appreciate you, David even opening
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: up this conversation, right, two more more people to help
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: people like start to realize, like, if you could give
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: yourself what you're looking for, you don't have to work
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: so hard to strive and fleet yourself to get it.
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: That's the key.
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So thank you for being on the podcast, Aaron. Yeah, man,
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: my pleasure. Yeah, I appreciate you guys all listening. And
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: of course we really appreciate when you guys share the
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: podcast like and subscribe to leave a comment or review.
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: It really means a lot, helps us reach more listeners
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: and helps make the world a little better place today.
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: And again on behalf of Aaron and myself, we really
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: appreciate being on the Business round Table. Podcast, come back
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: again to the next episode. Until then, be well, take
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: good care, Thanks everybody for listening, and today so long
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: everybody