Latest / The Play Therapy Circle / Episode 14- The Parent-Therapist Relationship in CCPT

Transcript

Episode 14- The Parent-Therapist Relationship in CCPT · The Play Therapy Circle

0:00
Hi there and welcome to the Play Therapy Circle.
0:04
Before we begin, Please note this podcast is for
0:07
informational and educational purposes only.
0:10
It does not provide therapeutic advice and listening does not
0:14
create a client therapist relationship.
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All views expressed are my own and any case example shared have
0:21
been de identified to protect privacy.
0:24
If you're seeking personal support, please reach out to a
0:27
qualified mental health professional in your area.
0:33
Hi and welcome to an episode of The Play Therapy Circle.
0:38
I'm Kylie Ellison, a therapist, clinical supervisor and play
0:42
therapy trainer and I'm so grateful you're here.
0:45
This podcast is a space for thoughtful, soulful
0:49
conversations about child centred therapy, play based work
0:53
and what it means to show up with presence and compassion,
0:57
both for our clients and for ourselves.
1:00
Whether you're a seasoned play therapist, a student just
1:03
starting out, or someone deeply passionate about working with
1:07
children, you belong here. Hi everyone, and welcome back to
1:14
the Play Therapy Circle podcast. I'm your host, Kylie Ellison,
1:19
and I am so glad you are here. Happy Wednesday night, you guys.
1:27
In true congruent living, my tenants of CCPT authentic self.
1:35
Is it 10:00 PM on Wednesday night?
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Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
1:40
Yeah, I've slept a little bit here.
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The week has got away from me. How are you guys doing?
1:45
How are you in your part of the world?
1:48
And when I say part of the world, I mean that we are now
1:54
listened to in 22 countries. You guys, you as a listener are
2:02
part of our International Play Therapy Circle community.
2:07
How cool is that? Ah, it's so exciting.
2:12
So if you are listening outside of Australia, I am so, so
2:17
grateful that you are here and supporting and listening to this
2:21
podcast. It means so much.
2:24
And for those of you who've reached out and given such a
2:28
wonderful feedback about how much you're loving the podcast,
2:32
I'm so, so glad. And I know I say that a lot, but
2:35
I genuinely am. This is a passion project for me
2:39
around living my tenants of CCPT, as Gary Landreth would
2:45
say, and making sure that I am not just holding those skills in
2:49
the playroom, but I am sharing it with as many people as
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possible. That has always been my mission
2:56
and my vision and my values around connecting with those who
3:01
also connect with this beautiful approach to working with kids.
3:05
So I am so, so happy that we are reaching more and more people
3:10
each weeks. So please feel free to recommend
3:13
us to your friends and colleagues to have a listen as
3:16
well because we love sharing this podcast with you each week.
3:20
And look, this is episode 14. So I've committed to this for
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like over three months. You guys, this is growth.
3:28
This is growth. I don't think there's many
3:30
things I can think of where I've committed to it.
3:33
If anyone's like me and has news resolutions and usually fails at
3:37
that by about week 3 in January, I see you.
3:40
I see you. OK, listen, I've got a really
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great podcast. I obviously all of the episodes
3:46
are great, right? But as we progress through each
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of the episodes and we get into more and more content, I'm
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loving all of this and I hope you are too because I want to
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dive into talking about the parent therapist relationship in
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child centred play therapy. So next week I'm going to
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dedicate a very specific podcast to how to do parent
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consultations in CCPT because for our beginning play therapist
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out there, I think that would be helpful.
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And even though seasoned, would probably love it too.
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But I want to dive into all of the aspects that we consider as
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child centred play therapist when it comes to connecting with
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parents, caregivers and everyone in between.
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Because I think we need to recognise that families all
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across the globe can look different.
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And so when I use parent, I just want to caveat this conversation
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by saying it is whoever is looking after and connecting and
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caring for a child that we're working with in play therapy.
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So definitely acknowledging all of the different versions of the
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definition of parent out there, but I think that this is
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something that comes up a lot in my connection work with
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supervisees. So I'm hoping not only for those
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beginning play therapist, but for those of you who've been
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practising for a little while or for very long, this will be a
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nice reminder of the incredible work that we do.
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Before I dive in any further too, I just want to in talking
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about the topic of parents and families in this episode today,
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I just want to extend so much compassion and empathy and
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understanding here when we're talking about our communities
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that we work in. I have been really struck the
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last couple of weeks and I know I'm not alone in saying this,
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that I think many, many families in our communities right now are
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really struggling. And not only are they
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struggling, but the complexity of the presentations in the
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playroom, both with the child and with the family system.
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It seems to be increasing. In the 10 years that I've been
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working in this space as a child centre play therapist and over
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the last 20 years in child protection.
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I, I think that it's important that we start this conversation
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by acknowledging and recognising that our families and our kids
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are struggling more now than ever.
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So if you're working in whatever role that looks like for you
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right now as a play therapist, whether that's in private
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practise, working for an organisation, working as a
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contractor, whatever that role looks like for you, I have no
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doubt that a lot of you right now are experiencing real
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challenges and emotions in the work that you're doing with
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parents and families. And I want to dedicate an
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episode very soon on the rise of anxiety and depression in kids,
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especially in that 4 to 6 year old age group that we are seeing
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at the moment. So I will absolutely in the next
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couple of weeks do a very specific episode on what the
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research is telling us at the moment on our population and
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especially the kids that we are serving in the playrooms.
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How incredibly stressed, distressed and struggling that
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they are at the moment. And that goes and extends to
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parents and caregivers as well. And I think that that's really,
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really important. Connected with so many families
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in the last week alone, so many families that are genuinely at
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breaking point. And I don't think that that is
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uncommon or unusual. I think we are looking at
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symptomology of our greater population right now.
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And I also want to extend that to you listening as well.
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You also are important and you also deserve that compassion and
8:15
empathy because it is not easy to be a child centred play
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therapist right now with the communities we're serving is
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incredibly complex issues we are being engaged with and helping
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support children in the playroom to work through.
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So just wanting to start the conversation with that because
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for any of you struggling as a child centred play therapist
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with the level of complexity and the level of emotional intensity
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and just truly how tough our families are doing it at the
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moment, please, no, you are not alone.
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You are not alone. And I think that that's really
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important when we're talking about living and walking the
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talk as a child centred play therapist, because Virginia
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Axeline set those tenants right all those years ago in the 40s
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that are so, so relevant to today around empathy, congruence
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and unconditional positive regard.
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So please look after yourselves and give yourselves that grace
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as well. Because we are definitely
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working with lots of challenging dynamics and presenting issues
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and complex family situations. So I felt that was important to
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acknowledge before we get started.
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So I think that what I want to start off with talking about,
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and I think when it comes to beginning play therapist,
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especially recognising and truly valuing the importance of that
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relational foundation with parents.
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I think it's something that I want you as you're listening to
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this podcast, to start to reflect on those parents or
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caregivers that you found challenging working with in
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CCPT. I always say that those
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challenges we experience teach us something incredibly valuable
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about our practise and make us better practitioners.
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So I always, always, always welcome that opportunity if we
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are challenged in those relationships to go deeper and
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learn more about ourself as well as the client.
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So I think exploring and understanding how trust and
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respect and connection and empathy shape that parent
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therapist dynamic when we're talking about that relationship.
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And I know again, as I was just about to say before, when we're
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talking about beginning in our journey as a child centred play
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therapist practitioner, we can often be overwhelmed or
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certainly feel that impostor syndrome quite clearly.
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And trust me, that never kind of leaves.
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It's always there. Unfortunately, it just ebbs and
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flows. But in the beginning, connecting
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with parents, you know, we can do really well that connection
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of working with children in the playroom, but it can feel like a
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whole other scenario working with parents and caregivers.
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So again, I want to normalise that for you.
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If you are feeling a little bit overwhelmed or that impostor
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syndrome is creeping in, I see you, I see you and let's talk it
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through. So that alliance with parents, I
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want to, I have so many thoughts about this.
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I want to align it with attachment theory here because
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nothing happens in isolation, right?
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We're talking about attachment and connection work.
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We do that with kids. That is so important.
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We spend the beginning of that exploratory stage in child
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centre play therapy, allowing the child to feel that sense of
11:53
safety, trust, connection, understand how the therapy works
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and understand the role of the therapist and how that
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interaction will occur. It's the same with parents.
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Can I plant the seed for anyone listening who is interested in
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looking at it from a different lens?
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Apply all of those principles that we've talked about in
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previous broadcasts around that exploratory stage.
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The use of that connection work and recognising that we can't
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move into the second stage of child centre play therapy until
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we have that relational foundation.
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It's the same with parents, it's the same.
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So I give you that invitation to spend some time building that
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connection because if you do, we know from the meta analysis of
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child centre play therapy research that we are more likely
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to have better therapeutic outcomes.
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The statistical significance is higher if we have caregiver
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involvement, so that is very important.
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So how do we build that trust when we're not in the playroom
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with a parent as such? You know they're not playing
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with toys while we're tracking them.
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It's different because we're using that verbal communication.
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Although I think that there is always a place for creative
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resources if you ever need to, in engaging and connecting with
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parents. However, when we're building
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that trust, it's definitely built on those principles of
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attunement, consistency and communication.
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As a bit of a tip, I guess around how I navigate this, I
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always in that initial parent consultation before we start
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work with a child. And like I said, we're going to
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go through that, the initial consultation and what that looks
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like and parent consult updates in the next episode in Episode
13:47
15. But for now, when we're talking
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about that initial connection with parents, I am deliberately
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spending time at the beginning of that meeting, if you want to
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call it that or connection connecting with them.
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I've used connecting and the word connection about 10 times
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in that sentence. So let me clarify.
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I think it's really important to recognise, as we do with
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children, when we talk about, we meet the child when we
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immediately see them in the waiting room in that very first
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session. The play therapy experience
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begins the moment we connect in the waiting room.
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It's the same with parents. So take the time and invest it
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in being sure to welcome them to your practise or to your space,
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whatever that looks like, making sure they've got a glass of
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water, you know, making sure they feel comfortable welcoming
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them into your consult room. I also do things like ask them,
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did you have any trouble finding us?
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Did you have trouble getting a park?
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And then I'll usually start a bit of conversation around that.
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That. Yeah.
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You know, the car park can be really hectic after about 9:00
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AM, can be a bit tricky. So I'm so glad you found a spot
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and I'm so glad you found us. Just having that initial casual
15:06
informal conversation at the beginning, but always keeping to
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our tenants, right? So making sure that it doesn't
15:14
feel forced or it doesn't seem insincere because that's so
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important when we know from the research that clients will
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decide in that beginning moments with us if we are somebody they
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feel like they can trust. So really take a minute before
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you leave your consult room to go out and welcome them in the
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waiting room. Take a minute, take a breath so
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you feel very regulated, aligned and authentic because that's so
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important. It means so much to parents to
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feel like they can connect with you.
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There is lots of strategies I use throughout my work with
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parents as well. So I again, I will go into that
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in more detail in the next episode.
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But there's so many ways that we can begin to foster that
16:01
alliance, but also then continue to build it.
16:05
Because again, I want to recognise for parents it is
16:10
incredibly vulnerable for them to bring their child to therapy
16:16
and then in that waiting room, literally transition that child
16:21
to a therapist and send them into the play therapy room.
16:25
That takes a lot of courage and it's important for us to
16:28
recognise that and honour that and acknowledge that to parents
16:32
to give them that comfort and safety that we are going to
16:36
support their child and them. So I think that one of the
16:39
pitfalls that beginning play therapist can fall into is maybe
16:43
dedicating so much of their energy and time into delivering
16:46
their play therapy sessions and making sure that their skills
16:48
are absolutely on point. And that's so important.
16:52
So I don't want to disregard that at all, but I think we can
16:55
miss that in the beginning of our work and definitely with
17:00
experience that confidence builds the more parents you work
17:04
with. So I want to talk a little bit
17:07
about that relationship in terms of how we view parents.
17:12
So looking at parents as Co regulators and partners, not
17:17
bystanders. So that is part of my philosophy
17:22
definitely as a child centre play therapist.
17:24
And what drew me among many things to the approach is I
17:28
never wanted to work with children in and of itself.
17:32
I feel like that means that we are working in silos, for lack
17:36
of a better term, and we're not working holistically and
17:39
systemically. So this approach to working with
17:42
kids in child centre play therapy offers this beautiful
17:45
opportunity for us not only to apply our principles to the
17:49
child but also to the parent. I always believe in that
17:54
philosophy that we get the opportunity in the playroom to
17:58
role model, as Gary Landreth would say, a socially acceptable
18:02
relationship. I would argue that also applies
18:07
to parents and caregivers. It's our responsibility to role
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model what a socially acceptable relationship looks like.
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I'm really passionate about the concept that and I had a
18:19
supervisor years ago tell me this who was an incredible
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supervisor who I still sometimes connect with and he shared with
18:29
me coming more from different modality, but imparted so much
18:33
wisdom to me, reflected that he works with children of all ages
18:40
and I say that often in my practise.
18:42
It really truly stuck with me and I don't know if that
18:45
resonates for you. I'm going to put that out to
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everyone listening right now. Have you ever connected with a
18:52
parent and thought I can see what your childhood may have
18:57
looked like? And I mean that in the most
18:59
compassionate way. I feel like sometimes when I'm
19:03
meeting for the first time and connecting with adults, it's
19:06
almost like their inner child is also present in that
19:10
conversation. It's really hard to describe and
19:13
I don't know if it's landing for anyone listening.
19:15
So please feel free to share your thoughts in our Instagram
19:19
post or a message us on Insta because I love hearing from you
19:22
guys. But I don't know if that lands
19:24
for you guys, but definitely lands for me.
19:26
This idea that sometimes that inner child in parents that we
19:31
work with hasn't quite been healed themselves and there is
19:35
certainly some things that are carried into adulthood and
19:40
oftentimes parents don't have necessarily that insight into
19:43
that particular aspect of their work.
19:46
So obviously we have a therapist for the child and so unpacking
19:51
that is not part of our role in supporting parents.
19:53
But Ioffer that thought for any of you maybe potentially
19:59
struggling with the parent that you have in front of you, maybe
20:04
take a minute to kind of notice what's coming up or what you, I
20:09
guess, pick up on in terms of some of that unconscious work
20:13
that they may be letting you know about unconsciously, of
20:16
course. So that relationship is, is
20:18
very, very important. I want to transition that topic
20:22
into talking about. And validating the parents inner
20:27
experiences. So that's segued nicely.
20:29
You guys look at me go amazing. So let's talk a little bit about
20:32
the parents emotional journey. When we are connecting with
20:37
parents, it is so important to recognise and acknowledge and
20:43
understand that parents often carry so much guilt and anxiety
20:50
and grief and shame, all of those descriptors, right, about
20:56
their child's struggles. And I think that sometimes that
21:02
can present as defensiveness, it can present as resistance, it
21:09
can present as limited insight. There's so many different ways,
21:14
right that it looks like, but I think again, we have this
21:19
beautiful opportunity as child centred play therapists to role
21:24
model our tenants of that empathy and unconditional
21:27
positive regard to recognise and acknowledge some of those
21:32
feelings that they are coming to your consult room to talk to you
21:36
that they are also holding. And so when we have a child come
21:43
to therapy, we know that they don't pick up the phone.
21:46
The four year old that you see in your playroom did not pick up
21:49
the phone and book in for a consultation with you, right?
21:51
We know that it is the parent that or stakeholder or another
21:56
adult that has contacted us initially.
21:59
And so we connect and meet with the parent.
22:04
But I think it's important to acknowledge that often times it
22:08
has taken so much courage for them to literally walk into your
22:13
waiting room. And sometimes as we go through
22:18
the therapy journey, that courage is kind of called on
22:21
again. Because throughout that journey,
22:24
things get tough, things get hard, and we then have this
22:30
opportunity and this role that we hold to hold that space for
22:34
them. So I want to acknowledge that
22:37
when children come to therapy and when parents pick up the
22:40
phone and make a referral and book in to see you, it certainly
22:44
can activate for them their own histories or vulnerabilities.
22:48
Like I was talking about earlier.
22:51
When we are connecting with parents though, I think there's
22:55
so much importance around holding that space for them
23:00
because going back to how I started this episode, often
23:04
times, and I'm just finding this especially so at the moment,
23:08
many of the parents that are coming to our consult rooms for
23:12
those updated parent consults. So not necessarily at the
23:15
beginning anymore, but when we're working with families who
23:18
are literally coming at breaking point.
23:20
And I genuinely mean that when I say that, you know, parents in
23:25
tears because they are genuinely completely at a loss.
23:31
And so it's important to recognise their journey.
23:35
We're certainly holding space for that.
23:38
It's not our job to fix. And I guess as a child centre
23:41
play therapist, I feel very comfortable in that space of not
23:46
throwing immediate strategies to parents when they're showing
23:49
their vulnerability or that emotional expression or just
23:53
that struggle, but rather offering psychoeducation when
24:00
it's appropriate. I often lean into Maslow's
24:04
hierarchy of need sometimes when that happens, that it's
24:07
important that we recognise that they need their basic care needs
24:10
met. And for many of our parents,
24:12
they're not even doing that. They're not getting good sleep,
24:16
they're not eating well, they're not taking care of themselves,
24:19
they're not getting their own therapy.
24:21
So that might be where we start with supporting some of our
24:24
families, but also recognising that this progress is going to
24:28
be slow, it's going to be super slow.
24:30
And we have that empathy that every parent's journey is
24:35
different and that trajectory is different.
24:39
So showing that empathy and compassion for them is so, so
24:42
important. So that kind of segues nicely
24:45
into some of our responsibilities in this space
24:49
because like I said, I really want to unpack what that initial
24:53
consultation and parent consult updates look like.
24:56
But just for this episode, I felt it was necessary to
25:00
dedicated to that relationship and how we navigate it.
25:04
And boundaries, roles and ethics is all a part of professional
25:09
practise as a child centred play therapist.
25:13
So it's definitely important to clarify our role.
25:17
Especially if you have been working in the field and you're
25:22
passionate about working with families, it's very easy to slip
25:27
into wanting to help support them as the parent
25:30
therapeutically as well. It's even more so important that
25:35
we clarify that the child is the client and the parent is the
25:39
partner. So the child is the client and
25:43
the parent is the partner. So they are partners with us in
25:47
that therapeutic change, but the child is certainly our focus.
25:52
So we have mechanisms in child centre play therapy to protect
25:56
confidentiality. And I think that that's really,
25:58
really important. And we'll talk more about that
26:00
next week when we're talking about doing those initial
26:04
consults and how we explain that limits of confidentiality to
26:07
parents. But really establishing that
26:11
early and helping them to understand how sessions will go
26:16
and how that information will be updated to parents, setting
26:20
those guidelines in that initial consultation is really
26:23
important. One of the things that happens
26:26
though, and again, I just want to communicate how much empathy
26:30
I have for parents and caregivers in the trenches of
26:34
parenting right now because it is rough.
26:38
It is rough. I don't know if I've mentioned
26:41
very often to you guys about my kids.
26:43
That's something I've mentioned too much, but I have two kids in
26:48
the preteen and teen era. So any of you guys in the
26:52
trenches of the teenage years, are you OK?
26:57
Truly, truly, are you OK? And are we going to get out the
27:00
other side? I'm just asking because I'm not
27:02
sure. I'm not sure.
27:04
So every stage of a child's and young person's journey is full
27:09
of adventures. I'm going to make its strength
27:11
space to you guys and say it's full of adventures.
27:14
Also drama. No, I'm just kidding.
27:15
It's the adventures. So we want to make sure that
27:19
while parents are going through it, that they have adequate
27:22
support separate to the work that we do with the child and
27:26
holding some of those boundaries.
27:28
Because certainly parents, when they know you're a therapist and
27:32
they know you work with families, we want to pull you
27:35
aside at the end of sessions and have post session chats in the
27:40
waiting room or in the hallway or a mini therapy session.
27:45
That stuff happens on the regular, right?
27:47
And so it's really making sure that we are holding those
27:50
boundaries and letting them know, hey, this sounds like
27:53
something that's really important.
27:54
Let's book in a time to chat further so that we are just
27:58
really navigating that boundary to ensure that we are dedicating
28:03
that time to the child and then connecting with the parent in
28:06
that psycho education support partnership space as opposed to
28:11
therapy space. So we're certainly acknowledging
28:16
to the ethical dilemmas that come with working with parents
28:20
alongside kids. I always, you know, often say,
28:24
and I don't know if this is necessarily completely accurate
28:27
because I live in the child counselling space, but I imagine
28:31
for adults in the adult counselling space, it's a little
28:33
bit easier because you don't have the client and then the
28:38
client's mom. It is certainly harder when
28:40
we're working with kids, we have that dual relationship with both
28:44
parent and child. So we often wonder, would adult
28:47
counselling be easier? Probably not, probably not.
28:50
But when we're navigating some of those ethical grey areas, we
28:53
have things like separated families and we're going to talk
28:57
about that in upcoming episodes, guys, promise.
29:00
We have reports and the information we share in reports,
29:03
advocacy work and what that looks like in our role.
29:07
So there's so many different areas to consider and way too
29:11
many for one podcast episode. But what I want to talk a little
29:16
bit about before we wrap things up is this idea of how we view
29:22
that partnership that I mentioned earlier.
29:24
When we're talking about how we can frame that relationship
29:29
between ourselves and the parent or caregiver.
29:32
I think a lovely way to do that is really around that
29:36
collaboration and empowerment because there is so much
29:41
incredible gains we can make when we are able to work
29:45
successfully with parents alongside kids.
29:47
So very much framing them as the allies I find.
29:51
And again, this goes to our roots of child centred play
29:55
therapy, living in Carl Rogers and person centred therapy.
29:59
But I very much acknowledge with parents at every turn in the
30:04
communication that I'm having with them that they are the
30:07
experts in their lives. And then additionally, I'm
30:10
putting an extra caveat on that to say you are the expert in
30:15
your child's life as well and not in the sense that they know
30:19
what's best for their child. Sometimes they do, sometimes
30:21
they don't, but more so that they have lived that experience
30:26
of raising their child. I haven't as the therapist.
30:29
So they truly are the ones that certainly know a lot more about
30:35
their child than I do and are the ones that began that primary
30:40
connection, primary caregiver attachment in that first couple
30:44
of years of life, not me. So I really want to acknowledge
30:47
that they are the allies here, but they're also the experts.
30:51
I always in my conversations with parents are inviting
30:55
curiosity and understanding from them so that they truly feel
31:00
like they are being acknowledged and honoured and recognised for
31:06
the work that they have done up until this point until I've
31:08
connected with them. So often times when I'm seeing
31:11
things in play therapy, when I'm posing that or giving that
31:16
information back to parents, I'm posing that as a curiosity to
31:20
them. And I'll certainly explain more
31:22
in the next podcast, but I want to explain that point for a
31:24
second that say I'm saying something around learned
31:29
helplessness. That's a really easy one when
31:31
we're talking about presentations in the playroom.
31:33
So we might see the child really struggling to make decisions for
31:37
themselves, not being able to do anything for themselves, make
31:40
decisions, take initiative, any of that.
31:43
None of that exists in the playroom.
31:45
So we have a parent console update.
31:47
And one of the ways that I want to honour them as the allies in
31:50
this process is saying to them, it's I've noticed in our
31:55
sessions when I've been working with your child that one of the
31:58
things that has been coming up is this topic that we like to
32:02
talk about in play therapy called Learn Helplessness.
32:05
And at that point, I'm giving a bit of a definition to help them
32:08
understand. But then I'm saying to them,
32:11
look at often times outside of play therapy, it can look like
32:15
kids really struggling to do things for themselves or just
32:19
really struggling to have that kind of confidence to initiate
32:25
things or follow through. Is that something I want to lean
32:29
into Your incredibly valuable knowledge here?
32:34
Is that something that you've noticed?
32:36
Help me, I guess, understand a little bit more what's happening
32:39
in the playroom with anything you can share?
32:42
And so I'm really holding them in the lead.
32:45
I'm honouring that they are certainly partners in this
32:47
process and that it's not about me having the answers, but us
32:51
working together. So that collaboration and
32:53
empowerment, so involving them in a meaningful way, certainly,
32:57
absolutely all the time recognising those strengths that
33:00
they have, that sandwich technique that we often use in
33:03
therapy, giving a positive kind of raising potentially something
33:08
that we need to work on or I like to say an area for
33:11
improvement. And then giving them a beautiful
33:13
strength based reflection at the end.
33:15
So that it really does honour their role in this space and
33:20
their strengths. And certainly highlighting and
33:23
celebrating any small shifts outside of play therapy that has
33:27
been part of their willingness to try new things and
33:31
willingness to learn. That's so important that we
33:33
honour that and recognise that and acknowledge that encouraging
33:36
connection rituals outside of the playroom.
33:39
So whether they can at some point be able to engage in
33:42
filial therapy, for example, or just that connection time, 32nd
33:47
burst of attention that we talk about filial, any sort of, I
33:50
guess, attempts by the parent to build that connection and help
33:56
support their child is so incredibly important to
33:59
acknowledge. Again, in the community context
34:04
of so many of our families just struggling day to day.
34:08
So asking them to do anything is incredibly important for us to
34:12
recognise that sometimes that is difficult and that progress
34:16
might be slow. But when they do make those
34:18
wins, we're going to celebrate it with them, certainly
34:21
empowering them through curiosity, not instruction.
34:24
That's the example I gave just before.
34:26
I truly love sitting in that space because it honours and
34:31
follows our modality. But truly at the core, our
34:35
principles of our Car Rogers person centred approach that we
34:41
are not the experts as the therapist, it's far from it.
34:45
And we are constantly always learning and we can always learn
34:49
something from our parents and caregivers as well.
34:52
So really acknowledging their collaboration in this.
34:57
So what I want to wrap up this topic by talking about I
35:01
shouldn't really check the time, you guys as well.
35:02
Wow, 34 minutes. Yep, this is going to be a long
35:04
episode. I hope you guys are still here.
35:06
Are you still here? Thanks for being here.
35:08
If you are. Thanks for listening while I
35:11
talk. I want to invite in that
35:14
curiosity approach and curiosity principle, your own self
35:20
reflections as a listener, as a therapist working in this space,
35:24
learning about child centre play therapy.
35:27
Whether you've been a beginning play therapist or somebody who's
35:29
been doing it for a minute, I want to offer some reflective
35:34
practise and self awareness exercises here and certainly
35:37
some questions for you. So I think it's really important
35:41
when we're working with parents and caregivers to notice our own
35:44
triggers, our own biases, and our own emotional responses.
35:50
We are just as important as the child in that relationship in
35:54
the playroom, and it's the same in our interactions, in our
35:57
relationship with parents, in parent consultations.
36:01
And what does that look like? Counter transparency, guys, we
36:04
can never avoid Freud. Well, that's that rhymes.
36:08
I should put that on a T-shirt. You can never avoid fraud.
36:12
You can't. Counter transference lives and
36:14
breathes in the everyday interactions and connections we
36:17
have. Notice if there is counter
36:19
transference coming up for you in your work with parents, and
36:22
what do we do? What's the antidote to counter
36:25
transference? Well, there's lots of different
36:26
things, but one of them is clinical supervision.
36:30
Talking it through with your incredible supervisor, whoever
36:33
that is, helps you to process those relational dynamics
36:38
safely. So it's not your own triggers or
36:43
biases aren't infiltrating into that relationship with the
36:45
paranoid caregiver. You can really process that
36:48
separately with your clinical supervisor.
36:51
So making sure that we recognise when we are feeling frustrated,
36:58
irritated, judged, ridiculed on the back foot.
37:04
There's so many, there's so many different ways that we can feel
37:07
in those interactions with parents that can get us
37:10
wondering about that relationship and just what's
37:12
going on for us and what's going on for the parents.
37:14
So getting that perspective is really important and that the
37:18
parent relationship often mirrors the therapist's growth
37:23
edge. What a cool statement, right?
37:26
The parent relationship often mirrors the therapist's growth
37:30
edge. So I think sometimes certainly
37:35
that transference and countertransference lives and
37:37
breathes in the experience and relationship with a parent or
37:41
caregiver. But often when we are feeling
37:45
the most tested in the playroom is also when the child is
37:50
feeling that need to switch and to be able to shift into that
37:55
next stage of play. So it's almost like
37:58
unconsciously we really pick up on those really intense feelings
38:03
and moments for children. And I believe that also happens
38:08
with parents. And I think that parent
38:10
relationship can really take a journey.
38:13
And I would often argue everything can be related to
38:16
child centre play therapy, right?
38:17
So we can look at that relationship between ourselves
38:21
and the parent as following through the stages of child
38:24
centre play therapy, right? Because we can look at the
38:27
beginning, that exploratory stage with ourselves and the
38:29
parent where there's getting to know each other, getting to know
38:33
how this works. And then once that happens and
38:36
we've established the beginnings of that foundation of trust and
38:39
safety, we then start to see a little bit of testing, a little
38:43
bit of resistance, a little bit of difficulty, uncomfortable
38:47
feelings. All of that lives in that next
38:50
stage of the parent therapist relationship.
38:53
We then move into when we've moved and processed those
38:57
feelings together, we then move into that third stage, which is
39:02
all around connection, relationship, vulnerability,
39:05
rawness that comes up in the third stage.
39:09
And we generally see that with parents as well in that journey
39:12
because we're not working with parents over just a couple of
39:15
sessions. This is a long process for both
39:18
the child and the parent. And when we move towards mastery
39:23
in the playroom, we also see that kind of mirroring when
39:27
parents feel like they've got enough tools in their toolkit,
39:30
they've got enough psychoeducation and strategies,
39:32
and they've maybe been practising it.
39:34
They've had some success at home, they've been able to
39:37
deliver some of those skills, say reflecting feelings or the
39:40
ACT model, and they're feeling empowered in themselves.
39:44
It's awesome. We can relate all of this to
39:47
childhood and play therapy. So maybe that might be a tool
39:51
for any of you listening who are feeling a little bit stuck in
39:54
your relationship with parents. Try that, map it out a little
39:57
bit of that journey along those stages for however many episodes
40:02
you've been working with the child and where that sits.
40:06
Because that may just give you a little bit of insight.
40:08
Because if you can pinpoint it and go, oh, I think we might
40:11
still be in that second stage in that work that I'm doing with
40:15
the parent. What do we do when we see a
40:18
child in that second stage? We recognise that this is so
40:23
much about really trying to test.
40:27
Are we somebody that's going to stay consistent in their life
40:30
and hold space with them? Because again, we meet children
40:34
of all ages. So whatever that is, that's
40:36
connecting with the parent is important to look at through
40:39
that lens. So we can have that deep empathy
40:42
for them that it's not about us in terms of their reactions or
40:45
the difficult emotions that are coming up.
40:48
But it's all part of their journey.
40:50
And what are they needing from us to help them feel that
40:53
safety, trust and connection? So, so cool when we can do it
40:56
that way. So I invite you guys to try that
40:59
in your work if that's something you're interested in doing.
41:02
So what did we talk about guys? I'm looking at the time again,
41:05
it's 41 minutes. This is probably the longest
41:08
episode I've done so far. And we are approaching 11 PM
41:12
11:00 PM. It's time for me to finish this
41:16
episode. So again, thank you if you stuck
41:18
around. So what have we talked a little
41:20
bit about today? We've certainly talked about the
41:22
relational foundation, the parents emotional journey, what
41:28
those boundaries look like for us as a therapist with a parent,
41:33
the importance of that collaboration and empowerment
41:37
and certainly our own inner experience.
41:40
What we noticed comes up for us and how we take care of that.
41:45
So the parent therapist relationship is therapeutic in
41:49
itself. It models safety, acceptance and
41:53
patience. So I want to leave you with this
41:57
question around your work with parents.
41:59
For those of you who are currently working, you're at the
42:02
beginning of your journey or you're a seasoned play
42:04
therapist. Think about one parent
42:07
relationship that has shaped your practise and what did it
42:12
teach you? Because all of our clients are
42:17
our teachers, right? So even parents can teach us
42:21
something incredibly important about our work.
42:24
Hey, I hope this was helpful for those of you listening.
42:28
I love doing these episodes. I love talking about Childs and
42:32
play therapy. I can talk about it all day.
42:34
But it's time for me to wrap this episode up.
42:37
So thank you so much for being here.
42:40
We love to hear from you. We would love to hear where
42:44
you're coming from. Are you in another country?
42:46
Are you outside of Australia? And if you are, I am so thankful
42:51
you are here. Thank you so much for the
42:53
support. So please check us out on
42:55
Instagram. We're at the Play Therapy Circle
42:57
podcast. That's our handle.
43:00
We post every week when we drop out episodes every Friday on
43:04
Apple podcast, Spotify and wherever you get your good
43:07
podcast from. So please feel free to follow
43:10
along with us, drop us a review or chat with us on the
43:14
Instagram. We'd love tea from you.
43:16
Oh my God, I just said the Instagram which shows I am a
43:19
geriatric millennial. I apologise, that is terrible.
43:23
Next week, what's the plan we are going to do and talk through
43:27
how to do an initial parent consultation and follow up
43:31
parent consultations. So this is one of those ones
43:34
next week that you can save and go back to whenever you need.
43:38
It will be very much talking through those skills, but it's
43:42
time for me to go. Thank you so much for being
43:44
here. Thank you for all of the love
43:46
and support. Please, please, please take care
43:48
of you and each other. And I will talk to you again
43:52
next week. Bye for now, bye.
44:00
Thank you so much for being here for another episode of The Play
44:03
Therapy Circle. If anything resonated with you
44:06
today, I'd love it if you could follow the podcast, share it
44:10
with a colleague, or leave a short review.
44:12
It really helps others find our circle.
44:15
And if you have a topic or question you'd love me to
44:18
explore, I'd love to hear from you.
44:21
This space is for you, and I want it to feel like a
44:24
conversation. Until next time, take care of
44:28
yourself and remember you belong here.