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When a narcissist sees you happy with someone else · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So how do narcissists feel or what happens when they see you
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  happy with someone else or or when they hear that you're happy
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  with someone else? Like what goes on in their mind?
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  How do they act? What did they do?
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  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist. Here to give you the perspective
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  of a narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Y'all know what I just realized?
• 0:46
  I say the word narcissist a lot in the beginning of the video.
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  I was just like how do narcissists feel?
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  How do narcissists act? This what we're talking about
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  today? Narcissist.
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  I'm a narcissist. My little narcissist narcissist
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  narcissist narcissist sound like like damn candy man.
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  You remember say if you look in the mirror and say candy man
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  three times he hops out. Same thing happened with
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  narcissist. You say narcissist 3 times in
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  the mirror. You go and get one chasing you.
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  You go, you go to you go to attract the one.
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  I promise you, I can promise you that you go to attract 1 even if
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  if even if that's not your intent.
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  But how do narcissist act or what happens when they when they
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  see you happy with someone else? So this could go a few different
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  ways. And I know, I think people are
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  going to understand that this can go a few different ways
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  because no, no two narcissists are the same.
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  I think that goes, I think, notice I said think, I think
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  that goes without saying that No2 narcissists are the same.
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  So some narcissistic people when they see how you happy with
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  someone else, they're going to some of them are not going to
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  care. Let's be let's be real.
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  There's the the small, very small percentage that some of
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  them will not care because they're so entitled.
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  They're so their egos are so big that they think you downgraded.
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  No matter what happens. You can look that that your
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  narcissistic ex could be the bummiest of bums and you move on
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  to the most successful, handsome, beautiful, rich,
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  powerful person in the world and they'll be like, you got my
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  sloppy seconds. I'm better than you in some way.
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  They won't care, right 'cause their egos are the delusional
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  ego of narcissists tends to provide this weird shield or
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  this weird cover for them and won't, it won't allow them to
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  see the truth of what they're actually doing and what they're
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  actually experiencing or what is actually going on.
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  And you know what I mean? So that's a that becomes a big
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  part of what happens or what goes on.
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  Like some of them will not care, right?
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  I don't. I don't make the rules y'all.
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  I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.
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  I know people like Lady made my heart drop when you say some of
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  them might not care. Some of you may die, but that's
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  a chance I'm willing to take. Lord Farquhar strike one.
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  But this that happens some of them will not carry out and it
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  doesn't mean that they you didn't matter to them.
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  It just means that their egos are too big too too huge, too
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  blocking out the damn their egos block out the sun.
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  It's like a damn narcissistic eclipse.
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  Like the sun goes out with narcissists around you.
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  Have you ever seen what's that movie?
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  I think it was white chicks with Terry Crews walked into the sun
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  and he's like, hey, what happened to the sun?
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  He's like, hey, white chocolate, that type of stuff right there.
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  That's what happens with narcissists come into your life.
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  They block out the sun, they eclipse you.
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  But that's a piece of what goes. Oh yeah, I'm serious.
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  A lot of narcissistic people, like they will not care.
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  But on the flip side, some of them will care.
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  Some of them will absolutely care.
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  And I know y'all like, Yep, that's what we want to hear Lee,
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  'cause we want to know that we matter.
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  I get that right? But some of them will care
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  because they and lose their minds, right?
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  Some of them will absolutely care.
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  And because they care so much, they will lose their ever loving
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  minds. They will, they absolutely will.
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  They're rooting dude in my because they think they think
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  that you still belong to them. They think there's still some
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  type of ownership dynamic going on there, right?
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  They think that so much is going on here in this space that they
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  will you, they, they cannot relinquish their, their
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  ownership rights over you. So some of them will lose their
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  minds. I'll say this right here though,
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  it does depend on how they see you or where they see you or
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  even if even if they see you at all.
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  Sometimes it can be word of mouth like some of your friends
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  or a flying monkey might go back to them.
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  Like the flying monkey might flap their little flying monkey
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  wings and go back to the narcissistic person and tell
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  them that they tell them. Tell the narcissist that they
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  saw you happy with someone else. Like I saw your ex skipping down
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  brought skipping down Main Street with a new Boo and that
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  and y'all in different cities, y'all in different parts of the
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  world. They might care and it might
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  ruin their damn day. They very well it might ruin
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  their whole entire day when you if they if they see you happy
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  with someone else or they find out you're happy with someone
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  else. But I hear this can go a few
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  different ways. Y'all, if they see you in public
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  happy with someone else sometimes, sometimes they can
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  absolutely have a visceral reaction.
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  They can lose they damn minds. They absolutely can.
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  Sometimes they can and will lose their damn minds.
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  Like I've heard stories before, People have messaged me before.
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  Like Lee, you're not going to believe this happened.
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  Like I was walking down and this happened in California.
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  I was walking down somewhere. I'm California ignorant y'all.
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  I was walking down this place. You know what happened?
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  My ex saw me with my new person and he fought my new partner.
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  Even though it's been a year, we've been a year no contact.
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  I haven't seen this person, haven't talked to this person.
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  I blocked him everywhere. So they might have been trying
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  to reach out to me. They saw me and my new person
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  downtown LA and they beat my I don't really say she beat him
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  up. They got to a fight, they got
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  into a fight and a new boot in there breaking up with her.
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  It's like he was like, look, I can't deal with this.
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  If you had crazy ass exes out there like that, they'll try to
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  fight me on site. They don't nobody ever spoke to
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  me and they just like literally squared up and hit him like
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  swing on them. Like soon as they didn't the
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  dude didn't even know what's coming.
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  They walking down the street. The girl knew she saw her ex and
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  the ex was like bow hit the dude.
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  Dude recovering. I guess he got some good licks
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  in or whatever, but he broke up and he's like, man, hell, now
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  you exes out here that's crazy like that.
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  No, I can't do it. So she lost her new relationship
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  because her ex was unhappy with her ex, lost his damn mind
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  because she was out there happy with someone else.
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  That can't happen because if they see you in public happy
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  with someone else and they're by themselves.
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  Yeah, they could try to make a scene.
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  They absolutely could. They could try to make a scene
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  now sometimes, right If y'all walking, if you're walking down
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  the street with your new Boo, or you would see that your favorite
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  restaurant in Paris having some kombucha, having a a nice cup of
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  kombucha and your narcissistic ex sees you.
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  They might skedaddle across the street.
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  They might not say something to you.
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  Some, yeah, some narcissists are passive aggressive cowards.
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  They'll just godaddle. They won't say anything to you.
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  It will affect them. They will be sad, they'll be
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  angry, they'll be hurt. Their their their hearts will
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  drop into the bottom of their stomachs.
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  But they will absolutely. Their hearts may drop to the
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  bottom of their stomachs, but they might not say anything to
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  you at all. They might just disappear into
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  the into the wilderness. Wilderness.
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  They might just disappear. You never heard from them again.
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  That could happen. That's a possibility of what
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  could happen as well, right? So yeah, they could absolutely
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  lose their damn minds and try to fight you.
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  And but some of them will just get out all across the street.
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  Other times, if they see you on Facebook or Instagram, post it
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  up with your new person, post it up with your with your next.
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  Well, somebody who's making you actually happy.
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  You're genuinely happy after this abusive, toxic relationship
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  sometimes guess what happens, y'all?
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  I'm guess what? Guess what I'm going to say
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  right here. Did you guess?
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  OK? Sometimes they'll try to Hoover
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  you. They might not say anything to
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  you in public. If they see you online or in
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  public or whatever. Happy with somebody else.
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  Sometimes that could trigger a Hoover.
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  They might actually starve to try to Hoover you or get back
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  into your life in some way, shape or form.
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  That could absolutely happen. It could.
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  It really got it really could. It really could happen.
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  They could absolutely start losing their damn minds when you
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  and try to Hoover you back in after all of this has happened.
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  They could try to Hoover you back in like regardless, like
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  they'll start messaging you or calling you or texting you,
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  popping up at your house, popping up at your job, sending
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  you stuff to your work, whatever.
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  They might try to, if they see you happy with someone else,
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  they might start to try to Hoover you back in.
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  It will lead. That would never work.
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  It does work. Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
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  This is not me picking on anybody that this has worked on,
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  but it, it has worked before. They see you happy with someone
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  else and then all of a sudden they start trying to Hoover you.
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  They start telling you what you want to hear.
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  They start telling you the things that you, they start
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  telling you that they've been doing the things that you always
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  wanted them to do. Like that's what happens.
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  And then guess what? Some of y'all are still trying
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  to bond to them, have it healed. And then you leave your new
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  relationship and go back to this toxic ass bastard.
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  And guess what happens? You sooner or later they're
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  toxic ass bastard reveals their true character that they really
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  haven't changed. And if you realize you lost a
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  good person to go back to your toxic ass ex and I've had yeah,
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  I still do my one on ones over zoom, right.
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  I still do my one on ones over zoom mental illness.net for
• 9:45
  those. And this is like, say, I've done
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  so many one on ones over Zoom with people that have that this
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  has actually happened to they've left their new partners or they
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  start cheating on their new partners with their toxic
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  narcissistic ex. And then guess what happens?
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  They ruin their new relationships by leaving or
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  cheating and getting caught. And then guess what?
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  They lose a good person. And then the narcissistic ex
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  just goes back to doing what what led to the breakup in the
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  1st place. They go back proving the point
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  that nothing has changed. And it it leaves you, the press
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  that leaves the person who left their new relationship for their
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  old toxic abusive ex. The press because the new person
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  not going to take you back. They're trying, well, I believe
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  the new person, they wouldn't take me back.
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  Like, why wouldn't they take you back?
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  You left them for somebody else. Why wouldn't they take you back?
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  They're not going to trust you. They're not going to trust you.
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  You see what I'm saying? So sometimes they might actually
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  start to try to Hoover you after this has went down, after this
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  has happened. They might try to suck you back
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  into the relationship dynamic because of this stuff, because
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  of what's going on, right? So don't, like I said, because
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  they see you happy with someone else.
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  They don't want your happiness. They could just when they see or
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  hear that you're happy with someone else, guess what
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  happened? Sometimes they'll just send you
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  a nice little message and just say got good.
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  Good to see you happy. I always wanted the best for
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  you. I always wanted the best for
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  you. Sucks that it could sucks that
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  it couldn't have been us. Sucks that it's not me making
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  you happy, but I will always wanted you to be happy.
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  By the way, I want to get my hair cut.
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  By the way, I'm stopped beating. I stopped beating women, by the
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  way. I stopped having babies with
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  other people, by the way. I'm in therapy by the way.
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  I've been went back to school by the way.
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  I started working by the way. I started twerking.
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  You see what I'm saying? Twerking.
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  Ignore the twerking part. Y'all just got carried away.
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  I got carried away. You got to do it.
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  But yeah, by the way, so does this work on a lot of people?
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  Yeah. Yeah.
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  I'm. I'm just telling you it
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  absolutely does work and people do go back into the toxicity
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  because they miss the person. The person tricks them coming
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  back and you ruin your life. And then you end up sad as hell
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  because it happened. Because now you're mad as hell.
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  Because now you're pissed off that you gave this person
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  another chance when they didn't deserve another chance.
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  I've seen this happen time and time again.
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  So if you're happy with someone else and your narcissistic ex
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  tries to Hoover you, do not fall for the Hoover.
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  I don't give a damn what they say, how many changes they've
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  made, even if you have kids with them.
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  If you're happy with someone else and this new person is
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  treating your kids well, don't leave your new good person for a
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  toxic abusive ex to keep the family together.
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  Whatever you know, don't do that because you end up ruining your
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  life. Your kids can be sad as hell.
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  They'll be happy, they might. They may be happy for a little
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  while to get back with your ex. But then when you break up
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  again, you just reach overtime with the kids.
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  I get it. I really do get it.
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  But sometimes they try to hoof you.
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  Sometimes they get pissed off. You're not with them for a
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  reason, right? You're absolutely, positively
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  not with them for a reason. So it's understand y'all, it is
• 12:49
  healing season. When I say it's healing season,
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  I mean that it is healing season.
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  It's time to heal. It's time to grow.
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  It's time to progress forward because that's what we're doing
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  from this point, this this point on.
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  We're not allowing toxic narcissistic exes to dictate our
• 13:02
  future when we are happy with someone else.
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  Even if you're not happy with someone else, even if you're
• 13:06
  happy by yourself, don't let them dictate your future.
• 13:10
  Don't let loneliness or the fear of missing out on your old
• 13:13
  partner ruin your new relationship or ruin your
• 13:15
  future. Anyways, y'all thank y'all for
• 13:19
  vibe with me. Y'all hit the subscribe button
• 13:21
  if you haven't already again check out mental illness.net
• 13:24
  scroll it's on the bottom of the screen for everything.
• 13:26
  Lee Hammock, my one on ones my coaching my my courses are still
• 13:29
  available as well. Yeah, the courses are helping a
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  lot of people. You can check my courses out on
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  mentalillness.net. Enter code mothers MOTHERS is
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  Y'all it's a great deal. It's not a super expensive
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  anyway and the reviews are in. Thank you for taking the course.
• 13:48
  I really appreciate every single one of y'all and check out join
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  the support group as well y'all this is out peace.
• 13:53
  Before you leave make sure to hit that subscribe button if you
• 13:55
  haven't. It just helps us reach more
• 13:57
  people. Also everything I have is
• 13:59
  available at mentalillness.net my coaching, my courses.
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  I have a couple of courses that can help you understand and help
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  mentalillness.net. Check my site off everything
• 14:10
  y'all and I will see y'all later.
• 14:12
  Peace.