Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / Can Parent-Teacher Relationships Make or Break a School Year?

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Can Parent-Teacher Relationships Make or Break a School Year? · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:05
Speaker 1: Hello, Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. Most households around
0:09
Speaker 1: the country right now are getting ready for school for
0:11
Speaker 1: the first time this year. Oh my goodness, this is
0:14
Speaker 1: a big day, the first day of school. How are
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Speaker 1: you feeling about it? How are you going to set
0:18
Speaker 1: things up so that this can be a good school year?
0:21
Speaker 1: Today on the pod, we thought we would approach this
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Speaker 1: a little differently. Today we're looking at how to create
0:26
Speaker 1: a great relationship with your child's or your children's teachers,
0:31
Speaker 1: because the quality of that relationship, the way that that
0:34
Speaker 1: teacher looks at your child each day, can really have
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Speaker 1: a big impact on the way that the year is
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Speaker 1: going to go. Today on the pod, we talk about
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Speaker 1: one major problem that we have in this domain, creating
0:45
Speaker 1: that great relationship with teachers, and three of the very
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Speaker 1: best ideas that we've come up with to help you
0:51
Speaker 1: to get things absolutely nailed stacked. We're going to spill
0:55
Speaker 1: the tea right after this. Stay with us. Hey, Welcome
1:00
Speaker 1: to the Happy Families podcast, where you get real parenting
1:02
Speaker 1: solutions every single day. This is Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast.
1:05
Speaker 1: We ad Justin and Kylie Colson with the parents of
1:07
Speaker 1: six kids We've been through day one more than sixty
1:10
Speaker 1: times without six children so far. We've got more day
1:13
Speaker 1: ones to come. We've got one really making.
1:15
Speaker 2: Me feel old right now.
1:17
Speaker 1: I kind of I didn't bit of a flashback the
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Speaker 1: other day and I had this experience not at all
1:23
Speaker 1: related to what we're talking about today, but it really
1:25
Speaker 1: shook me. And it really shook me. That's the wrong word.
1:27
Speaker 1: It made me cry. I was sitting there and I
1:30
Speaker 1: was reflecting on all of the experiences. I kind of
1:32
Speaker 1: had this flashback, like my life passed before my eyes,
1:36
Speaker 1: sitting in this place with our kids, then going to
1:38
Speaker 1: this place and watching the progression as they got older,
1:40
Speaker 1: and going from one child to two children to three children,
1:43
Speaker 1: walking in the school gate saying farewell again and again.
1:47
Speaker 1: And now I mean doing a number five. Grade eleven,
1:50
Speaker 1: taught a number four, finished year twelve last year. Our
1:53
Speaker 1: sixth daughter is homeschooling, so we've already started school for her.
1:56
Speaker 1: We just figured we're at home and you're starting to
1:59
Speaker 1: complain that you're broad, let's do some school. So she's
2:01
Speaker 1: started grade six this year already. But today is day
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Speaker 1: one for so many families around the country. There are
2:06
Speaker 1: still a few areas that will head back to school,
2:08
Speaker 1: but it's pretty much kicking off today and Kylie the
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Speaker 1: question that we need to talk about. And I'm really
2:14
Speaker 1: putting a lot of this on you for this podcast
2:17
Speaker 1: episode because you've been at the cold face. I talk
2:20
Speaker 1: to teachers every single day, but you're the one who
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Speaker 1: has dealt with stuff that's personal that's about our kids.
2:26
Speaker 1: So it's about the relationship that our child has with
2:28
Speaker 1: the teacher and that we have with the teacher. Today
2:30
Speaker 1: we're answering the question how do you build a strong
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Speaker 1: relationship with your child's teacher? First thoughts.
2:38
Speaker 2: As you were talking about I was just kind of
2:39
Speaker 2: thinking back on some of the experiences we've had, and
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Speaker 2: the most memorable years that have stood out to me
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Speaker 2: are the ones where I've had that great working relationship
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Speaker 2: with teachers.
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Speaker 1: How good is it when you see the teacher and
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Speaker 1: they smile at you and they recognize you, and their
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Speaker 1: eyes light up and your eyes light up, and you're like, oh,
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Speaker 1: it's so good to see you, as opposed to.
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Speaker 2: Or I've been dying to see I really just wanted
3:00
Speaker 2: to tell you what Johnny's been up to this week,
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Speaker 2: Like we had this massive win in the classroom, you
3:05
Speaker 2: know the challenges. I don't feel like the system is
3:08
Speaker 2: set up to support either one, and that's challenging. We've
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Speaker 2: got teachers who really want to spend time with you,
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Speaker 2: but they're locked into minute by minute timetabling.
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Speaker 1: So you show up at a parent teacher to night
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Speaker 1: and how many minutes do you get, like five or
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Speaker 1: ten minutes with a.
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Speaker 2: Teacher depending on the school, between ten and fifteen minutes.
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Speaker 2: But when you're talking about six months worth.
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Speaker 1: Of school work, it's pretty intense, especially if you've.
3:32
Speaker 2: Got a challenge that you want to address. Fifteen minutes
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Speaker 2: goes away in the blink of an eye.
3:37
Speaker 1: So something that comes up for me all the time
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Speaker 1: when I'm doing professional development with staff is a lot
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Speaker 1: of stuff. Honestly, they don't like parents education stuff. This
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Speaker 1: is the thing that you're not supposed to say, and
3:49
Speaker 1: I'm saying it, but a lot of teachers really don't
3:51
Speaker 1: like parents there, and I think that they're concern around
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Speaker 1: parents is kind of justified. So I did a little
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Speaker 1: bit of digging into some stats. Haven't gone through this
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Speaker 1: with you, but I've pulled some stats out for this,
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Speaker 1: and this is why today's conversation matters so much. Getting
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Speaker 1: that relationship with your your child's teacher right matters because
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Speaker 1: this is one of the biggest stress points for teachers.
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Speaker 1: It's one of the most popular reasons they give for
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Speaker 1: wanting to get out of the profession. Other than the
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Speaker 1: behavior of students, it's the behavior of parents not having
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Speaker 1: good relationships with them. They just want to teach. Like
4:22
Speaker 1: you said, they just want the parents to parent, They
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Speaker 1: want the teachers to teach, and that would work really well.
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Speaker 1: Here are the stats. Eighty four and a half percent
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Speaker 1: eighty four point five percent of teachers reported experiencing some
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Speaker 1: form of student or parent enacted bullying in a nine
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Speaker 1: to twelve month period. That was a twenty twenty study
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Speaker 1: of twelve hundred teachers here in Australia. Sixty this is
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Speaker 1: Latrobe University study. Sixty percent of teachers experienced parent led bullying,
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Speaker 1: seventy percent experienced student led bullying. Sixty five point two
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Speaker 1: percent of teachers who experienced bullying had considered leaving the profession. Now,
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Speaker 1: there's one other thing that I want to go through
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Speaker 1: here in terms of stats, and then we'll talk about
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Speaker 1: how to make sure this doesn't happen. Fifteen zero point
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Speaker 1: two percent of teachers have been verbally disparaged by parents.
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Speaker 1: That is that the parents are getting stuck into them
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Speaker 1: and saying horrible things to them to their face, just
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Speaker 1: being really, really horrible. Teachers report being yelled at, sworn at,
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Speaker 1: and even hit by parents, parents threatening teachers, And I
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Speaker 1: could go through a whole lot more stats, but I
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Speaker 1: don't think that I need to. I mean, I feel
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Speaker 1: quite uncomfortable, even a little bit ick. No, not a
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Speaker 1: little bit. I feel actually ill when I think about
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Speaker 1: a parent going into school and responding. And I want
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Speaker 1: to be sympathetic to parents who are dealing with some
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Speaker 1: really significant stresses and feeling extraordinarily frustrated because of the
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Speaker 1: challenge they've got at home, the challenges they've got with
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Speaker 1: their child, and now the teacher is on their case,
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Speaker 1: or the teacher is not understanding their child or not
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Speaker 1: listening to the directives or not, or they.
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Speaker 2: Just don't feel like their child's needs are being met.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've got this. We've got this learning plan,
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Speaker 1: this personalized development plan for the student, and it's not
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Speaker 1: following so it's complicated. But I want to get onto
6:01
Speaker 1: the front foot and hit a positive note today I
6:03
Speaker 1: just wanted to flag that those difficulties exist and it
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Speaker 1: is complex. But my goodness, parents, if you want to
6:10
Speaker 1: have a good relationship with your child's teacher, no matter
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Speaker 1: how badly it feels like it's going yelling at them,
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Speaker 1: swearing at them, calling them names, or being physical with them,
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Speaker 1: it's not going to be good for the relationship. It's
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Speaker 1: not going to be good for you or for your child.
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Speaker 1: Don't do it. Find better solutions. Oh, I guess what.
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Speaker 1: We've got three of them right now.
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Speaker 2: When it comes to building a good relationship, it doesn't
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Speaker 2: matter what relationship it is. It takes time. Like a yeah,
6:33
Speaker 2: it takes time and face to face time. So we've
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Speaker 2: just acknowledged that there are significant challenges that get in
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Speaker 2: the way from time to and teachers don't necessarily want
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Speaker 2: that face to face time. And they've got up to
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Speaker 2: thirty families that everyone's are wanting face to face time, right,
6:53
Speaker 2: everybody wants.
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Speaker 1: A little chunk of those everyone's hands up.
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Speaker 2: But if it's important for you to have a good
7:00
Speaker 2: relationship with your teacher, anytime, anytime there's an opportunity to
7:05
Speaker 2: be face to face in the classroom, whether that be volunteering,
7:08
Speaker 2: for reading or helping out with excursions, maybe offer to
7:12
Speaker 2: be of assistance if there's extra cutting out or laminating
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Speaker 2: or I.
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Speaker 1: Remember that s ticking on the wall. You contacted, You
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Speaker 1: went to the school and said kind of help, and
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Speaker 1: you ended up working in the library.
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Speaker 2: I think I contacted I don't know, five thousand books,
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Speaker 2: fifty books, just putting the contact on the covers to
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Speaker 2: protect the books.
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Speaker 1: But all of a sudden when and not every parent
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Speaker 1: can do that, but all of a sudden, when you
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Speaker 1: are stepping into the school environment saying I'm here to help,
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Speaker 1: and if the school takes advantage of that, then you
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Speaker 1: do develop the relationships. You do get that time. You
7:46
Speaker 1: get the time, so people get to see you as
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Speaker 1: somebody who wants to contribute to the community. People like
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Speaker 1: you when you can contribute as opposed to drop the
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Speaker 1: kids off at the gate and walk away.
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Speaker 2: But you're also friend of mine as well. Like when
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Speaker 2: there is a classroom of thirty students, if everybody's clamoring
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Speaker 2: for assistance and help, you just get lost in the
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Speaker 2: maze of people.
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Speaker 1: Right, But the teacher will gravitate to the person that
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Speaker 1: they know that he has been helpful. Track record with yeah.
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Speaker 2: Yeah. So I have a friend and every year without fail,
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Speaker 2: she meets up with the teacher and she's like, I'd
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Speaker 2: love to volunteer to be like the parent mum for
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Speaker 2: the classroom.
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Speaker 1: And everyone right now is wronging. Their eyes are going no, no,
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Speaker 1: I'm not doing it.
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Speaker 2: And she's the mum who sends a letter out to
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Speaker 2: everybody and says, hey, I'd love to have some catch ups,
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Speaker 2: so we can, you know, kind of organize some playdates
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Speaker 2: with the kids. Here's the time we'll have coffee. And
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Speaker 2: it works because it means that her relationship with the
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Speaker 2: teacher is fantastic.
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Speaker 1: So finding a way to contribute, finding a way to volunteer,
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Speaker 1: finding a way to get some FaceTime in a helpful
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Speaker 1: capacity and a service capacity as opposed to her I
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Speaker 1: want a piece of you as a teacher capacity is
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Speaker 1: your first solution, and I think I think it's the
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Speaker 1: best one by far. But after the break, we have
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Speaker 1: two more that are I think bed set game changes
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Speaker 1: and we're going to share those with you. Stay with us.
9:12
Speaker 1: We're back. This is the Happy Families podcast. All right, Kylie,
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Speaker 1: I am a huge fan of gratitude. You reckon that
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Speaker 1: gratitude is a sure fire way to make a difference
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Speaker 1: when it comes to the relationship that you have with
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Speaker 1: your students, your child's teacher.
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Speaker 2: Please explain so ebbs and flows in life. There have
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Speaker 2: been times where I have been onto this big time
9:35
Speaker 2: and other times where it has slipped by the radar.
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Speaker 2: But one of the things that I love doing is
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Speaker 2: at the beginning of the year just putting together a
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Speaker 2: small hope this year is great package for the teacher.
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Speaker 2: It could be as simple as a coffee voucher and
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Speaker 2: just a small note to express that, but it could
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Speaker 2: be a few classroom supplies that you have put together
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Speaker 2: nicely and just acknowledged that you're really excited for them
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Speaker 2: to be your child's teacher and getting to know them
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Speaker 2: better throughout the year.
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Speaker 1: So something that you did at Christmas was dropped off
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Speaker 1: some coffee vouchers to our year ten daughters' teachers, and
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Speaker 1: some of them had literally never received any kind of
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Speaker 1: a gift at all, Like the old blown away.
10:13
Speaker 2: That blew me away, that absolutely blew me away.
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Speaker 1: I mean, this does sound like bribery, honestly, as I'm
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Speaker 1: missing that does sound like in frying to sleep talk
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Speaker 1: the teachers.
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Speaker 2: You know, you know I was a kid. I vividly
10:26
Speaker 2: remember going and picking flowers from the garden and they
10:31
Speaker 2: probably were weeds for all I remember, but my mum
10:35
Speaker 2: would lovingly put them, you know, some little kind of
10:38
Speaker 2: wet tissue around the stems, and then I'd wrap it
10:41
Speaker 2: up with alfoyl and put a little bowl on it
10:43
Speaker 2: and take it off to school. And I just loved
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Speaker 2: as a small child, I loved seeing the smile on
10:49
Speaker 2: my teacher's face when I would give her something. And
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Speaker 2: I think anybody appreciates being appreciated and thought of, even
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Speaker 2: if it's just I hope you have a great day today.
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Speaker 1: So as you're saying that I wanted.
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Speaker 2: You, I don't think it's bribery. I really don't.
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Speaker 1: Well, I just want to add something that takes it
11:06
Speaker 1: away from bribery, and that is every now and again,
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Speaker 1: the kids come home and they tell you something awesome
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Speaker 1: that happened at school, and teachers are often a part
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Speaker 1: of that awesomeness and what it would look like in
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Speaker 1: the teacher's mind if your child goes to school tomorrow
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Speaker 1: with a little note that says, yesterday, Ella came home
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Speaker 1: from school and told me about this. I just wanted
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Speaker 1: to recognize the part that you would have played in
11:30
Speaker 1: that and thank you for having your eyes on the
11:34
Speaker 1: stuff that matters most. Like, I mean, I'm making this
11:37
Speaker 1: up here, right, but imagine if you sent two or
11:40
Speaker 1: three of those letters through a school year. Doesn't have
11:42
Speaker 1: to be on day one, it might not be until
11:44
Speaker 1: week seven or something like that. But when you do that,
11:48
Speaker 1: you're not asking anything of the teacher. You're just saying
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Speaker 1: I value you, and that's got to be good for
11:53
Speaker 1: the relationship, right. I see you, I hear you, I
11:56
Speaker 1: connect with you, I get what you're doing, and I
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Speaker 1: appreciate you so much much. So that's that's my extension
12:02
Speaker 1: of it. And that's a little bit less bribe, be right.
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Speaker 1: That's not sucking up. That's just actually saying because because
12:06
Speaker 1: as a parent, if you ever get a phone call
12:08
Speaker 1: from the teacher and they're not saying something bad, they're
12:11
Speaker 1: actually ringing to say, your child did really well. I
12:13
Speaker 1: just wanted to tell you how much we appreciate your student. Now,
12:15
Speaker 1: most parents have not had that happen, but we've had
12:18
Speaker 1: that happen once or twice, and oh my goodness, you
12:20
Speaker 1: just you kind of look at that teacher and go
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Speaker 1: we love you, and I think it works both ways.
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Speaker 2: I have two really quick ones that just came to mind.
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Speaker 1: We didn't talk about that planning. Sure, go for it.
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Speaker 2: Don't believe everything you hear.
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Speaker 1: From your child from all anybody else.
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Speaker 2: Well, okay, your experience is your experience. Your child's experience
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Speaker 2: is their experience, and other families will have their experience.
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Speaker 2: There was one time where I was devastated by the
12:47
Speaker 2: teacher choice that one of our children was given.
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Speaker 1: And yeah, because everybody said this teacher blah blah blah.
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Speaker 2: That's exactly right. But I decided to trust the system
12:56
Speaker 2: and I just let things be. That teacher ended up
13:00
Speaker 2: being the very person, with the very skill set that
13:04
Speaker 2: was needed for my child to get through that year.
13:06
Speaker 2: I have absolute clarity around that. So that's the first thing.
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Speaker 1: Love it.
13:10
Speaker 2: Don't judge a book by its cover, don't judge a
13:11
Speaker 2: book by the things that other people are saying. And
13:14
Speaker 2: when your child comes home and tells you that their
13:16
Speaker 2: teacher is the worst person in the world, take the
13:19
Speaker 2: opportunity to understand what took place from the teacher's perspective
13:23
Speaker 2: as well. And the last thing is be slow to
13:26
Speaker 2: judge and really quick to respond and give grace.
13:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had assumed positive intent as my bonus that
13:33
Speaker 1: I was going to chuck in that we didn't have time.
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Speaker 1: Sorry maybe, But here's the thing. Teachers are generally on
13:38
Speaker 1: your child's side.
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Speaker 2: And they're human and they have thirty children at their
13:42
Speaker 2: feet every day.
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Speaker 1: Okay, so you've kind of gone on a tangent from
13:45
Speaker 1: where I was going. But you're absolutely right. But let
13:47
Speaker 1: me go back to where I was. They are usually
13:49
Speaker 1: on your child's side. They want to see your child
13:52
Speaker 1: succeed and win. And you talk to teachers about their
13:56
Speaker 1: favorite moments in the classroom, those at the moment where
14:00
Speaker 1: they where it all comes together on works, especially with
14:03
Speaker 1: a student that they're having a hard time with, They
14:05
Speaker 1: are the best moments at all. So some great take
14:09
Speaker 1: home messages here. What we want to do is spend
14:11
Speaker 1: time in the relationship, volunteer. Don't expect anything, give say thanks,
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Speaker 1: assume positive intent, Send flowers, coffee, vouchers, bribe, what have
14:19
Speaker 1: you got?
14:20
Speaker 2: Chocolates? They love chocolates.
14:22
Speaker 1: Good luck this year. We hope that that helps you
14:23
Speaker 1: to build a positive relationship with your child's teacher. The
14:27
Speaker 1: Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin roll on Frombridge Media.
14:30
Speaker 1: Mimhammonds provides all of our research, admin and additional support.
14:34
Speaker 1: If you are looking for more support in your family,
14:36
Speaker 1: you'll find it at our social media pages or at
14:39
Speaker 1: happy families dot com, dot a you