Latest / Authentic Living / Creating Good Social Health Through Connection with Pete Bombaci

Transcript

Creating Good Social Health Through Connection with Pete Bombaci · Authentic Living

• 0:01
  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
• 0:08
  things that really matter in our lives.
• 0:11
  And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
• 0:36
  Hi, everyone.
• 0:37
  It's Roxanne Durgesh of authentic living with Roxanne.
• 0:40
  Today, I have a special guest that's decided to come back and spend some great time with us.
• 0:44
  That's Pete Bombaji, and he's with the Janwell project.
• 0:47
  And We've been talking about connection, I think throughout, our time in the last 18
• 0:55
  months, but I think his conversation with me was so special that I thought we needed to kind
• 1:00
  of come back and talk about it again.
• 1:01
  It's not something that we need to talk about just where when I wanna say we were in
• 1:06
  desperate times.
• 1:07
  But to really look at the ongoing, actions that you take and him and I were talking just before
• 1:13
  we got online with what are you gonna do at actually do, to actualize the steps that we
• 1:20
  talk about.
• 1:20
  I should talk to that friend.
• 1:22
  I should take that step, you know, to say hi to my neighbor who's just lost someone.
• 1:26
  What are those steps?
• 1:28
  So, Pete, again, thanks so much for coming back, to spending time with my audience.
• 1:32
  Roxanne, it's, honestly, you and I have connected a few times now, and I enjoy every
• 1:38
  conversation and I just love the work you're doing and the conversations that you're
• 1:43
  creating.
• 1:44
  So let's let's talk.
• 1:45
  Like, you know, I'm thinking we talked, about a year ago now, and How have things been with,
• 1:52
  what you're seeing out there with, connection, with people that involved in the general
• 1:58
  project?
• 1:59
  What are you seeing out there now?
• 2:00
  Well, isn't it so great that COVID ended shortly after that conversation
• 2:04
  a year ago?
• 2:06
  Oh, I guess that's oh, no.
• 2:07
  That was the fantasy world that we all thought we were in that it was gonna be done by June or
• 2:11
  July or or whenever time it was.
• 2:14
  You know, here we are.
• 2:16
  We're 18 months into this pandemic.
• 2:19
  I can tell you from a from a Genwell project standpoint, and I think I might even have
• 2:24
  mentioned this on our first chat is 5 years ago when we launched this in 2016, a global human
• 2:29
  connection movement, that was trying to educate, empower, and catalyze people to take
• 2:34
  action to take care of their social health.
• 2:37
  Most people looked at me like I was crazy.
• 2:39
  They thought, you know, what are you talking about social connection?
• 2:42
  You know, I see people every day.
• 2:44
  And what I will say has happened over the course of the last 18 months is that people
• 2:48
  have uh-uh, raise their consciousness as to how much we actually need each other.
• 2:53
  And, you know, to your point on your opening comments, I think it's really critically
• 2:57
  important waiting until you're in the crisis, until you actually reach out and build a
• 3:02
  community of people and a network of people that can support you through the ups and downs
• 3:06
  that we are all gonna go through is truly the definition of insanity.
• 3:11
  So it may have taken a global pandemic to wake us up to the need for greater human connection
• 3:16
  but I think the future is bright.
• 3:17
  If we can take a silver lining, there's many silver linings out of this, but if one of them
• 3:22
  is that we value our human more than we ever have before.
• 3:26
  And I mean, with family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, and classmates, then maybe that's
• 3:30
  one of the beautiful things that we can all take away from from the global pandemic.
• 3:34
  Yeah.
• 3:35
  I wanted to share this experience.
• 3:37
  So my birthday, which I never thought anything about weather, because I grew up in Trinidad,
• 3:42
  like I said to you earlier, was January 15th.
• 3:44
  So I'm the 1st of 1st birthday of 6 kids, so I thought, oh, this is good.
• 3:48
  Right?
• 3:48
  It's parents have me not between Christmas and my birthday.
• 3:52
  There was nobody, something, huge that was planned.
• 3:55
  Great weather.
• 3:56
  Move to Canada.
• 3:57
  Of course, you know, what happens in mid January for birthdays, not so good.
• 4:02
  So for this for this birthday, my I always, you know, because that's me, and I also saw myself
• 4:08
  a birthday party, not because I want a birthday party, but guess when everybody gets together,
• 4:13
  because I have this birthday party.
• 4:14
  I have done this, and this has been a tradition It's something actually something that my,
• 4:19
  parents started.
• 4:20
  We were we're quite young.
• 4:21
  We had 6 kids.
• 4:22
  Every year, there was a get together and course, you'd have your little friends, but
• 4:26
  what you'd also have is family, right, that would come over and everybody would be like the
• 4:31
  adults would be there, but the kids be kind of there as well, and we would all connect.
• 4:35
  So I kept tradition up.
• 4:37
  So for the pandemic, obviously, couldn't do that.
• 4:41
  It's very, very cold.
• 4:43
  There's a lot of snow on on the ground, and my 2 dearest friends say Okay.
• 4:48
  We're coming over, but we know we can't come inside because that's when we couldn't come
• 4:52
  inside, and we're going we're going for a walk.
• 4:55
  We went in the snow for a 2 hour walk, need us to state was not my idea of, oh, this is all
• 5:00
  fun.
• 5:01
  We were, you know, laughing, joking, having fun talking, and so I said, oh, you know, of
• 5:07
  course, wanting to them to come inside, you know, of course, we can't hug all that stuff.
• 5:13
  And, you know, you're re you know, and for me, what happened was and then they said, well,
• 5:17
  guess what?
• 5:18
  We bought treats?
• 5:18
  Well, I have a little kind of stoop at the front.
• 5:20
  So here we are.
• 5:21
  We're in our coats We're having, you know, a drink, a little drink of wine and snacks, and
• 5:28
  we're all in our gloves, just an experience.
• 5:30
  And as I'm Having this experience with my friends out of nowhere, I I'm I tear up And I'm
• 5:39
  in tears, and I'm thinking about it.
• 5:40
  Now I'm getting emotional.
• 5:42
  And I said, I just wanna let you 2 know how much I love you.
• 5:45
  And they went, everybody just burst into tears.
• 5:50
  Now, these are friends, the one I've had for 30 years, and the other I've had for Bo 12.
• 5:57
  We know we love each other, Pete, but we we had never, unfortunately, sat down because we had
• 6:04
  always, you know, friends you know, you joke around, you don't really share that depth of
• 6:09
  experience.
• 6:10
  So the one thing that I can say about the pandemic is out of loss, even for someone like
• 6:16
  me who's such a connector, it brought me to a profound level to share things that I otherwise
• 6:22
  would not have shared.
• 6:24
  With 2 amazing women in my life and who I tried just to make that day, even though it's a day,
• 6:31
  with all the guidelines special.
• 6:33
  Amazing story and very beautiful.
• 6:35
  And so, a, thank you for sharing that, but I I think this is what we all need to recognize.
• 6:41
  It's certainly when we when we lose things is when we recognize what we've lost and
• 6:46
  oftentimes we take things for granted along the way.
• 6:49
  But in that in that walk and while you're sitting out there, and I and I love the fact
• 6:54
  that you had your gloves on while you were drinking wine.
• 6:56
  I think that's just classy.
• 6:57
  That is the way we should all be drinking wine in the middle of winter.
• 7:01
  But I think the moments that we forget time you know, you weren't thinking about how cold it
• 7:07
  was when you were talking with them sitting on the porch and having a laugh and and talking
• 7:12
  about whatever special occasions moment you know, the things that happened in your week.
• 7:17
  And this is the power of human connection, and this is what the general project is trying to
• 7:22
  share with people We've been educated about exercise.
• 7:25
  We know we're supposed to exercise proactively just take care of our health.
• 7:28
  We know that we're supposed to eat well.
• 7:30
  You know, more fruit and vegetables, even in the last decade, you know, because some of the
• 7:34
  work that's been done to raise awareness about mental health, we we understand my on this.
• 7:39
  We understand gratitude and journaling.
• 7:40
  And now whether we do it or not, that's a whole different question.
• 7:45
  But I think educating people about the power of human connection and their social health is so
• 7:50
  critically com important because when we connect with other people, it helps us cope It
• 7:55
  helps us find solutions and it helps us build the resilience.
• 7:58
  It gets us through not only the bad times, but how about celebrating the good times?
• 8:04
  And so, you know, on the other side of this pandemic, we will get back together and won't
• 8:08
  it be amazing when we can finally get together, hug, touch, the people that we mean that mean
• 8:14
  the most to us and and actually celebrate the fact that we now can get together and and we
• 8:20
  all talked about the parties that we're gonna have.
• 8:23
  And for some people that may not be the natural reaction because it's not gonna be easy for
• 8:27
  everybody.
• 8:28
  We've been we've been locked down for 18 months on and off.
• 8:31
  And when you are out of habit, when you have extended period of time where you don't do
• 8:36
  something, you know, even exercise is a great example, and I'm I'm a good example.
• 8:40
  18 months, I haven't done much exercise.
• 8:42
  I haven't taken care of my health, getting back on the horse now, is is proving to be a
• 8:47
  challenge, and it's no different than with our social health.
• 8:50
  If you're out of the habit of connecting with other people, this is what the Genwell project
• 8:54
  is trying to do with something like Genwell weekend, which as we are talking right now is
• 8:58
  this weekend when we're trying to catalyze people to actually do it Don't talk about it.
• 9:04
  Don't think about it.
• 9:05
  And if you're struggling, if you happen to be struggling, you know, hopefully somebody in
• 9:09
  your life will recognize, hey, I haven't seen Roxanne a little while.
• 9:12
  I should reach out to Roxanne because I really love her.
• 9:15
  I respect her.
• 9:16
  I care for her.
• 9:17
  And and that one phone call may be the greatest gift we can give each other right now.
• 9:22
  You know, what I wanted to talk a little bit about, and I've heard I've heard conversations
• 9:26
  like this.
• 9:27
  No, I'm an extrovert.
• 9:29
  You know, I, you know, it was really tough not seeing people, but I heard a lot of people that
• 9:33
  are introverted talk about.
• 9:36
  I actually like this lockdown.
• 9:39
  And, you know, because, you know, to get out and see people who was always an issue for me,
• 9:44
  and I'm glad that I had the capacity to just be alone a lot.
• 9:49
  Have you heard a lot of people talk about that?
• 9:51
  That's, actually I like being alone, and not talk about what we're talking about, which is
• 9:57
  the need for human connection because the perception is with extroverts, we get our
• 10:02
  energy from connection, which is which is proven in in a lot of the assessments that we
• 10:06
  would do with people, introverts get connection from being alone by being by themselves most of
• 10:13
  the time.
• 10:14
  So I don't know if you talk to people that have shared that with you.
• 10:18
  Yeah.
• 10:18
  I've talked to a lot of people who've shared that.
• 10:21
  It's actually been more people who've asked me that question than it is the people who who've
• 10:26
  been impacted by it.
• 10:28
  And here's here's what the research shows is that introverts need human connection as much
• 10:35
  as extroverts.
• 10:36
  They don't they don't want it as often, and they don't wanna do it in large groups.
• 10:42
  And so this is what the general project message is all about.
• 10:45
  There's lots of activities that happen throughout the course of the year, you know,
• 10:49
  communities, even cities, holds big events, and they wanna bring everybody down.
• 10:53
  And what we need to recognize is when we talk about Genwell and we talk about the Genwell
• 10:57
  weekend, what we say is a Genwell project can be anything.
• 11:01
  It can be you having a coffee with a neighbor or a friend.
• 11:04
  It could be a barbecue.
• 11:05
  It could be a street long potluck or a basketball game.
• 11:09
  The point is understanding that we are an inclusive movement that's trying to make it
• 11:13
  easier for anybody to get connected and to be and so therefore, you know, if you are an
• 11:19
  introvert, then my hope is that I can inspire you to reach out to one person and say, hey,
• 11:25
  Roxanne, would you would you be open to going for a coffee with me or vice versa?
• 11:29
  You pick up the phone and say, Pete, I know you, you know, I know these are challenging
• 11:33
  times for you.
• 11:33
  I know you're a bit of travert if we've got a relationship, hey, why don't you and I go and
• 11:38
  grab?
• 11:38
  Actually, right after this this call, after this, chat, I'm actually going to have a chat
• 11:43
  with an introvert.
• 11:45
  And I'm going to have a coffee one on one with him.
• 11:48
  And and that's what we need to recognize is a Introverts need human connection.
• 11:53
  Nobody survives on this planet without having people at some way, shape, or form in their
• 11:59
  lives.
• 12:00
  And so what we're trying to do even with Jen Well weekends, we do it twice a year once in
• 12:03
  the spring and once in the fall is maybe those are the only two times a year that you think
• 12:08
  about that person but let's think about those people.
• 12:11
  And I did have a friend early on in the pandemic who's an introvert who said, Pete, I
• 12:15
  really loved being an introvert until I wasn't allowed to go out when I wanted to go.
• 12:21
  What he loved to do was he actually loved to go to Starbucks and sit in Starbucks by himself
• 12:26
  and have a coffee.
• 12:27
  Mhmm.
• 12:28
  What that allowed him to do was give him a sense of belonging because he could feel like
• 12:32
  he was part of the community by buying a coffee sitting there and seeing people cycle around
• 12:38
  him, but there was no risk to him.
• 12:41
  He was just there on his own.
• 12:43
  And, you know, one of the beautiful things in in our recent Canadian social connection
• 12:46
  survey, that we just did in May, June, and we just released the results, which I encourage
• 12:51
  anybody that, catches this to to to go have a look at is when you talk to strangers, it
• 12:57
  increases your likelihood of being happy by three times.
• 13:01
  And one of the beautiful things for an introvert is that there's no risk when you talk
• 13:05
  to a a stranger.
• 13:06
  You can say, hi, how are you?
• 13:08
  And that could be the end of that conversation, and that's good enough for an interview.
• 13:12
  They just need that little, hey, I'm here.
• 13:14
  I exist.
• 13:15
  I see you.
• 13:16
  So for all of us, the opportunity to build greater health and happiness in our lives
• 13:20
  through a simple conversation with a stranger or a simple hello adjuster, maybe a a beautiful
• 13:26
  thing that we all wanna incorporate into our lives.
• 13:29
  Well, I I like the idea that when you smile at someone, you know, it's infectious.
• 13:33
  Right?
• 13:33
  And then it's kinda like it is like a virtual hug because when you're, you know, walking by,
• 13:38
  you know, have you ever just walked by somebody and they're smiling and you're thinking Why do
• 13:42
  you and then you smile back because you're thinking about, oh, I don't even know you, do
• 13:45
  I?
• 13:45
  And you're smiling as you're walking by them.
• 13:47
  And you know what I mean?
• 13:48
  Toronto, you'd Of course, when I worked up there, you know, I because me coming from a
• 13:51
  little island, so the the tradition in Trinidad is you you good morning, sir, or ma'am, for
• 13:58
  your adults, and you had to say hello.
• 14:01
  That was, like, the unwritten rule that I grew up with.
• 14:05
  And, you know, so when I came to North America.
• 14:08
  So I think also culture, but also I think, you know, climate as well.
• 14:16
  I think impacts that and I I don't know how much research you've done on that but I think
• 14:20
  in, you know, in smaller little environments when the, you know, the temperature is 95
• 14:26
  degrees and there's smaller little communities, it's easier connect as well.
• 14:30
  I often see that I grew up in a village, and my I still think of my little, space that I live
• 14:36
  here in Niagara Falls is my little village.
• 14:37
  Because I replicated because, you know, you would you would say hello to everybody.
• 14:42
  You would smile.
• 14:43
  You you would acknowledge them, sir or ma'am, And you would it would be considered, rude in
• 14:50
  my culture to walk past someone without acknowledging them.
• 14:55
  So, you know, all these little things that you think about that you don't it's kinda like, is
• 14:59
  that part of me?
• 15:00
  Where did I learn that?
• 15:01
  But it's something that I you know, as something as as simple as when my son was
• 15:05
  growing up, I would say to him, can you touch share with your friends that when they come to
• 15:10
  the door it's an ex, you know, it's something that mommy likes that I would like them to say
• 15:14
  at least hello and good mommy.
• 15:17
  And he'd be like, oh, he says, don't they say that mom?
• 15:20
  And I go, Of course, no.
• 15:22
  Some of them don't.
• 15:22
  He goes, Oh, okay.
• 15:23
  So he says to them, some of his buddies, hey, when you come to my house, can you just at
• 15:27
  least say hello, and goodbye to to my mom.
• 15:29
  I think that's so beautiful, Roxanne.
• 15:32
  You know, and then he went, he's he's just assumed they all did.
• 15:35
  And I said, again, it's it's something that I grew up with that I just think if someone's
• 15:40
  coming and leaving, if I'm entering a room as well, it's something, and I've also, you know,
• 15:45
  with my family done the same kind of that's respectful.
• 15:49
  Again, somewhat maybe a cultural nuance, but just like showing my presence in that you know,
• 15:54
  I'm in your I'm in your space, and I'm kind of asking for kind of acceptance coming in and
• 16:00
  then giving you gratitude for having happy there as well.
• 16:03
  Yeah.
• 16:04
  So many beautiful things that you've just said there.
• 16:06
  I think just raising the consciousness of young people that a simple hello, can change the tone
• 16:12
  and the vibe within a room because now you've broken down the barriers.
• 16:16
  And this is the struggle that we have in society is the fact that not only have we built
• 16:21
  the physical barriers around us with bigger homes for smaller families and taller fences
• 16:25
  and backyard and garage doors and in home movie theaters.
• 16:29
  Now we can order food and just about anything we want to our front door.
• 16:33
  You know what?
• 16:33
  We've gotten out of the habit connecting.
• 16:35
  And so, therefore, a young person might walk into your house and not even consider saying
• 16:39
  hello, or even on their end may be fearful of saying it, which you you and I would look at
• 16:44
  that and go, why would you fear saying hello to, you know, your son's mom?
• 16:50
  It's, you know, at the end of the day, it's those greetings, those gestures that break down
• 16:55
  those initial barriers that allow a conversation to potentially happen because you
• 16:59
  may be you may have a free minute and you go, hey, Jimmy.
• 17:02
  How does your football game go or how, you know, and this is how we build connection, but,
• 17:07
  you know, I'll say, part of our mission as the Genwell project, and I, again, that stranger's
• 17:14
  example is a is a great one, is, you know, we've been told our whole lives to do what
• 17:19
  Roxanne not talk to strangers.
• 17:22
  Mhmm.
• 17:22
  You know, and now we're waking up in a world where we've been locked down for 18 months.
• 17:26
  And now the research as we've seen you know, triples your chance of being happy.
• 17:31
  So most of us, I think one of our life aspirations is to be happy or at least happier
• 17:37
  You know, we know that over 90% of the time when you speak to a stranger, it ends up in a
• 17:41
  positive experience for both parties.
• 17:44
  So if we can start educating people that, yes, you should talk to strangers.
• 17:48
  And yes, no, when you're in a dark alley at 9 o'clock at night or you're a young child and
• 17:52
  you're alone, I'm not talking about those occasions.
• 17:56
  I'm talking about when you're walking down your own street, when you're in the midst of a busy
• 18:00
  town on a major street or whatever and you see people even on the other side of the street,
• 18:04
  what a great opportunity to look across and go, hey.
• 18:08
  How you doing?
• 18:09
  You know?
• 18:10
  Hey, love yourselves.
• 18:12
  You know, whatever it is, you know, all these things can help build the bridges that make
• 18:17
  people feel happier, healthier, a a greater sense of belonging.
• 18:21
  And at the end of the day, you walk away feeling better because you know when I educate
• 18:25
  you on the power of human connection, you may do it because you recognize it makes you health
• 18:30
  happier and healthier and the other person happier and healthier.
• 18:34
  And that's really the power that human connection can have, but we have a society
• 18:38
  who's not educated on it.
• 18:40
  And that's what the mission of the general project is.
• 18:42
  Number 1 is we need to tell people and educate them so that they can empower themselves to
• 18:46
  say, I think I can go out and make a difference every day just by talking to people.
• 18:51
  You know, as a as a practitioner in psychotherapy or even as in coaching, right,
• 18:56
  like, you know, never underestimate the space, right?
• 19:01
  Like, so the neuroscience behind it is we're calibrating at all to points, right?
• 19:05
  So you're never aware how you're impacting others.
• 19:09
  Right?
• 19:09
  So sometimes when I would be dealing with it, others and they're anxious or depressed, and
• 19:15
  Sometimes I'm saying nothing, but I'm just, you know, in their space.
• 19:19
  And then, you know, some clients that'll go, why is it that I come when I see you?
• 19:24
  And within about 10, 15 minutes, I'm like, oh, I feel so much better.
• 19:29
  Like, I feel like, did you do something?
• 19:32
  And I'm like, did you do something?
• 19:33
  I'll go back to them and they go, well, no, I didn't do anything.
• 19:37
  I go, well, it's it's just called it's called, you know, heart to heart connection.
• 19:42
  And they go, really?
• 19:44
  I said, yeah.
• 19:44
  Because I said, when you came in here and we start to talk, you know, you had you were
• 19:48
  bringing so many worries with you and which are all very valid.
• 19:52
  You know?
• 19:53
  Yep.
• 19:53
  However, I just sat and I listened, and I I just said, I'm here for you.
• 19:59
  And they go, is that what you did?
• 20:01
  And I go, well, I think that's what I did.
• 20:03
  And then they go, yeah.
• 20:04
  Because now I feel like I was up here, like, really, really high.
• 20:08
  And now I feel like, oh, I feel so much better.
• 20:11
  Not that anything's changed.
• 20:13
  But I can feel within my body that my heart's, you know, slowed down a bit more.
• 20:18
  My breathing is a little bit deeper, you know, and I'm hearing you now.
• 20:23
  And so, you know, I actually feel privileged, and I, I often see in in my role, Pete, that I,
• 20:31
  you know, what how grateful I am to have those experiences with other human beings, you know,
• 20:37
  one to one when I'm helping them, but it's something that need not be in a room like mind
• 20:43
  coaching or as a psychotherapist, you can actually do that just by stopping in your space
• 20:50
  when you do sit here low to say, how are you how are you doing and really just slowing
• 20:56
  yourself down and that impact someone else.
• 20:58
  And the value of that I know, in my training is that they they said that most of the changes
• 21:04
  when I was in my internship was around calibrating your space with the other person.
• 21:10
  And you and I are so aligned on so much, you know, I look at the Genwell project as almost I
• 21:16
  I wanna say I'm a compliment to every coach and every psychotherapist because I know, several
• 21:21
  pea I have a coach.
• 21:22
  I talk to her every couple weeks.
• 21:24
  And, I know people that are struggling with substance abuse.
• 21:28
  I know people that are battling anxiety and depression I know people that are going through
• 21:33
  divorces.
• 21:34
  I know people that have lost jobs, financial pressures.
• 21:37
  I know people, a gentleman who's been diagnosed with you know, stage 4 cancer through, the
• 21:43
  pandemic.
• 21:45
  At the end of the day, people can have their coach and they can have their psychotherapist.
• 21:50
  But they can't have them 24 hours a day.
• 21:53
  They can have them probably an hour a week, maybe maybe twice a week, because most of us
• 21:58
  can't afford it, but I think what the general project is.
• 22:02
  And I I I hope one day that every coach and every psychotherapist in this country says,
• 22:07
  Hey, by the way, other than when you come to see me because I am that listening sounding
• 22:12
  board, I want you to follow the general project.
• 22:15
  Because I want you to understand that building healthy relationships outside, because I'm and
• 22:20
  I I have a a great, there's a lady, Miriam, I think, Cure Mower, and she wrote an article for
• 22:26
  the mirror in the UK.
• 22:27
  And I had a conversation with her, and and she's a psychotherapist as well.
• 22:31
  And she said, the the thing that people need to understand is I'm not your friend.
• 22:36
  I while you're here, I am your coach, I am your therapist, I am whoever I am, but at the end of
• 22:41
  the day, you need to go and champion relationships in your life.
• 22:45
  And that's what we're trying to do with the general approach.
• 22:47
  We wanna compliment the work that you do in those sessions so that people can recognize,
• 22:53
  and you may have seen that every Friday we share an infographic and those infographic or
• 22:57
  to give people ideas on how they could start a connection today, whether it's talking to a
• 23:02
  stranger, talking to a neighbor, talking to a colleague, calling an old friend, and we give
• 23:06
  the facts and figures that help people understand it's not as risky as you might
• 23:10
  think.
• 23:11
  And, b, we give you some ideas in suggestions that, hey.
• 23:14
  You wanna talk to your neighbor that you've never said hello to?
• 23:17
  Why don't you start by leaving a note on their door and saying, hey.
• 23:19
  Hope to see you post pandemic.
• 23:21
  It's been tough.
• 23:22
  Or maybe leave cookies or shovel their snow or take their garbage bins out, do something to
• 23:27
  start that conversation, be a catalyst to making it happen, and then we can get that
• 23:33
  thing going.
• 23:34
  But the reality is when we talk to other people and the role that you play as a psychotherapist
• 23:38
  and for me, you know, with my coach, is just by sharing, and this is the power of human
• 23:44
  connection.
• 23:44
  When you share your thoughts, it gets you out of this thing because this thing isn't nice to
• 23:50
  us when we're inside it, especially when we're thinking about all the troubles and the and the
• 23:55
  challenges that we're having, And so recognizing and sharing with people that the
• 23:59
  power of getting out of your own head, again, discussing it helps you find solutions.
• 24:04
  There might be a problem, and and I might be able to say, hey, have you ever thought about,
• 24:08
  you know, coaching or therapy or, you know, have you ever thought about going for a walk
• 24:13
  every day.
• 24:13
  I don't know what the solution is, and everybody's is gonna be different.
• 24:16
  But if we don't actually get outside of our own heads, we're we're not going to find those
• 24:21
  alternatives, quite as easily as we will if we just stay in there.
• 24:25
  And that really again comes back to all of that leads to building the resilience that will help
• 24:31
  us all find the solutions because we know who to go to.
• 24:35
  I know I can call Roxanne when I'm in, Roxanne, being my friend, I can call up Roxanne and say,
• 24:41
  hey, Roxanne.
• 24:42
  You got 10 minutes.
• 24:43
  I just wanna chat through something because, you know, I'm I'm not feeling so good about
• 24:47
  this decision I've made, and I wanted to get your perspective those resources around us, our
• 24:52
  friends, our family, the colleagues, former people that we built relationships are
• 24:56
  invaluable.
• 24:57
  And as we've come through 18 months of a global pandemic, we need to find ways to stay
• 25:02
  connected, whether it's virtual through technology, and that's a great supplement
• 25:07
  because at the end of the day, we need to get back to what you described, you know, getting
• 25:11
  together with your friends at the start.
• 25:13
  We need to get back to sitting on our front porches, connecting with people, having a glass
• 25:18
  of wine, or a a can of coke, or whatever you're gonna have because those are the moments that
• 25:23
  really are the things that make us live happier and healthier lives.
• 25:26
  Oh, I want to speak to what Miriam said, about that we're not your friends, but I what I
• 25:32
  always try to impart on people is when you come and you see a coach or a therapist, or even if
• 25:39
  just pick somebody in your life that you connect really well with,
• 25:42
  Yep.
• 25:43
  And try to kind of think what is it that that person does to allow me to feel so good?
• 25:50
  And then say, what is it that I am doing to allow that space?
• 25:54
  Oftentimes people think it's outside of themselves.
• 25:58
  But it could be that, you know, I often say you should have a friend that makes makes you laugh
• 26:02
  uncontrollably.
• 26:04
  You should have a friend that makes you kind of, you know, if you want somebody to give you
• 26:09
  hit you between the eyes, that's that friend.
• 26:11
  You have the other friend that's, you know, you know, the existential kind of person.
• 26:17
  You have the person that maybe can help you through kind of practical kind of solutions
• 26:22
  either in family and business.
• 26:23
  We all need different kinds of connections at any given point.
• 26:28
  So if I want to laugh, I'm not gonna call the person that's gonna be talking about
• 26:31
  existentialism because I don't wanna talking through through the pandemic, really, right
• 26:35
  now.
• 26:36
  I want somebody to tell me a really good joke so I could forget about the pandemic.
• 26:39
  And I think that's what I try to say to people is they often say, well, you're so nice.
• 26:44
  I go, yeah, I'm nice.
• 26:46
  I said, but not everybody's gonna think I'm nice.
• 26:48
  You're allowing me to be nice.
• 26:50
  So what is it that you're doing if you think I'm being nice to take it in, because I have
• 26:55
  been with people that have not allowed, their space to take in what I'm giving to them.
• 27:01
  To start to really think about that, is it that I, you know, I when you smile, I smile, or is
• 27:07
  it that, when I compliment you, you think about saying something?
• 27:12
  Is it that I listen in a certain way that you really, really like?
• 27:15
  And start to think about that because I think and then on the converse that's that's be
• 27:21
  blunt.
• 27:21
  Think of someone that really you you find it hard to be around, and that kid will give also
• 27:27
  give you info about what disconnection is about and the things that maybe you want to try to
• 27:32
  work, against.
• 27:34
  I think a part of this is or I wanna ask the question is what role do you think fear it
• 27:41
  plays in this?
• 27:42
  Because you know, we we've built a world and and these things are part of it, which is, you
• 27:48
  know, we now live in a world where we're watching people live human highlight reels
• 27:52
  every day.
• 27:53
  And depending on how much time you spend on social passively scrolling through all your
• 27:58
  friends, the Kardashians, the jenners, the celebrities, the you know, you could start to
• 28:03
  feel that you weren't good enough.
• 28:06
  Mhmm.
• 28:06
  And so, you know, when I when I go to see Roxanne who is and I'll say this, you know,
• 28:11
  paid as a coach or a therapist.
• 28:14
  You're paid to be there for me.
• 28:16
  Yeah.
• 28:17
  And and I wonder what role and and this is, again, the part of a general message is, hey.
• 28:23
  You build those deep meaningful connections that remove the fear with time.
• 28:28
  Time together with people.
• 28:30
  And and unfortunately, you know, they have what they have with you is, an exchange and and and
• 28:35
  by no means, I'm a big coaching fan.
• 28:38
  And frankly, I'd think I'd do it on the side for a lot of people, but, you know, there's no
• 28:44
  back to coaching, but you get paid to do that.
• 28:46
  And what we're trying to say to people is, hey, you know, you can do these things, but you need
• 28:52
  to invest the time and find that one person or two people that can be that support network
• 28:58
  when you're not with your coach.
• 29:00
  And but you can't do that if you only reach out to them once a year.
• 29:04
  This was such a great interview that we decided to turn it into a 2 part series.
• 29:08
  Be sure to tune in next week for part 2.
• 29:11
  So you don't miss out on the amazing content.
• 29:14
  Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive
• 29:20
  healthy chain Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with
• 29:26
  Roxanne.
• 29:27
  Visit Roxanne Derhodge dotcom/blueprint.
• 29:31
  We'll see you next time.
• 29:33
  An authentic living with Roxanne.