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SOBER TALK SA - Karina · Sober Talk SA

• 0:00
  Hi, Dennis here, welcome to sober talk.
• 0:03
  I'm Dennis and I've living experience as an alcoholic.
• 0:07
  If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcohol, please
• 0:10
  call Alcoholics Anonymous and 1300 double 22222 or check out
• 0:17
  the website on aa.org dot AU and the preamble of Alcoholics
• 0:23
  Anonymous is. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
• 0:26
  fellowship of men and women who share the experience, strengthen
• 0:30
  up with each other that may solve their common problems and
• 0:33
  help others to recover from alcoholism.
• 0:36
  The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop
• 0:40
  drinking. There are no dues or fees for a
• 0:42
  membership. We are self supporting through
• 0:44
  our own contributions and not allied with any sect,
• 0:48
  denomination, politics or organization.
• 0:51
  Does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses or
• 0:55
  oppose any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay
• 0:59
  sober and help other Alcoholics achieve sobriety.
• 1:02
  I am responsible when anybody anywhere reaches out for help by
• 1:06
  one day and the way always to be there.
• 1:08
  And for that I am responsible. And our guest speaker today is
• 1:14
  Karina. Thank.
• 1:16
  You I'll start the way I start in most.
• 1:19
  Meetings My name is Karina and I'm an alcoholic and.
• 1:24
  I I. Today I recognize that my
• 1:28
  disease of alcoholism was there forever.
• 1:32
  I can remember as a child feeling uncomfortable and not
• 1:36
  belonging. Always trying my.
• 1:41
  Hardest. To to fit.
• 1:43
  In to be like the rest. Of the world and somehow I just
• 1:47
  failed I. And I had no words.
• 1:51
  As a child, you know to. Express that feeling or that
• 1:55
  emotion, you know, that anxiety of just trying to be.
• 2:01
  It was really a a mind blowing experience.
• 2:07
  I recognize that today, but as a child I didn't recognize it.
• 2:11
  And who do you? Tell you know.
• 2:15
  You don't. Go to your mom or your.
• 2:16
  Friends or and say look. I just don't.
• 2:20
  Belong. It was.
• 2:21
  A long time after I. Came into Alcoholics Anonymous.
• 2:24
  I saw a. T-shirt that said I'm a Martian
• 2:28
  just visiting this planet and I thought that's it.
• 2:32
  That's. How I felt.
• 2:33
  I felt like a Martian. Just visiting this planet,
• 2:37
  always struggling, You know, I, I believed that I'd been
• 2:41
  adopted, that. Wasn't true.
• 2:43
  You know, I, I believed all sorts of things.
• 2:46
  I just did. Not fit.
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  I was a. Square peg trying to squeeze
• 2:51
  into. A round hole.
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  And I come from an ethnic. Background.
• 2:56
  So alcohol. Was never forbidden to us, but I
• 2:59
  remember the the first time the. Miracle of alcohol.
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  Happened to me and I was aged around about 16 I think.
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  And I. Poured that drink.
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  Inside of myself. And it changed the the.
• 3:13
  Way I felt, you know, it was like.
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  I had this magic potion that said.
• 3:20
  Lookout World. Here I come and I did.
• 3:24
  I came in a big way, you know, and I today I firmly believe in
• 3:30
  what is one of our sayings in Alcoholics Anonymous.
• 3:35
  And it goes like this. It says that you know.
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  Normal people. Go to a party to get.
• 3:40
  Drunk Alcoholics get drunk to go to a party.
• 3:45
  I got drunk to go to life. It was the only way I could
• 3:48
  manage to live like other people lived, you know, it enabled me
• 3:53
  to get the fellas. It enabled me eventually to get.
• 3:57
  Jobs it enabled. Me to do some studying, it
• 4:01
  enabled me to have. Children.
• 4:04
  And I, I've got to stay right up front, you know, I wasn't a
• 4:07
  daily drunk immediately. I was a a drunk.
• 4:13
  That drank when life was tough and life.
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  Was tough, a lot of. The time and I drank for around
• 4:21
  about 20 years. I drank for 20 years.
• 4:25
  To go to. Life that's pretty amazing when
• 4:28
  I think about it, and I know today that.
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  Alcohol, actually. Enabled me to live long enough
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  in this. World as a.
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  Martian. Till I reached.
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  Alcoholics Anonymous and. I came to.
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  Alcoholics Anonymous for one reason and one reason only.
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  Alcohol. Had stopped working.
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  The very thing that used to help me get through.
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  Life turned on. Me, you know, towards the end of
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  my drinking, it had taken away everything.
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  I was laying on a bed alone. Nobody wanted me.
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  The family was desperate. They wanted nothing to do with
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  me anymore. They had tried everything, you
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  know. Sometimes I wish.
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  That I had been one of those. Guys that just.
• 5:16
  Drinks in the lounge. Room, but I wasn't.
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  I would have a drink and I would have a good idea and I.
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  Would go out and go through with that.
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  Good. Idea and everybody had had
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  enough of me I. Was like.
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  Almost like an exploding bomb. You know I'd.
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  Have a drink and then there was no way of even thinking about.
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  What the outfall? Of this drinking would be and
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  the amazing part about that was I didn't care I needed that
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  alcohol to make me feel OK about being in the.
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  World that I was. Living in and in the end.
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  That alcohol drove. Me into laying in bed and crying
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  in a depression. Nobody wanted me.
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  Nobody wanted me, you know, when I came into Alcoholics
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  Anonymous. In the end I came in with a
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  history at that point that you know it.
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  Was probably not very. Envious to anybody, I had three
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  children and at that point I had actually thrown 2.
• 6:22
  Of my children out of my house, because they were.
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  Cutting into. My alcohol supply.
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  You know, I came into Alcoholics Anonymous and I had had.
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  My my current. Ex lover had a court order out
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  against me so I. Wouldn't.
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  Darken his doorstep. You know I had been.
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  Picked up by. The police and had spent.
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  Nights in the lockup and those lockups.
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  Are really good you know they. Lock you up for drunk and
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  disorderly or just. For being drunk and they let you
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  out at. 4:00 in the morning. And it was not a pleasant
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  experience. You know I I was facing.
• 7:02
  Eviction from the place that I was living in and and I was also
• 7:08
  facing losing. My employment.
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  At that time, but. You know.
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  All of this didn't really seem to matter that much.
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  What mattered to me and what had brought?
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  Me into the rooms. Of Alcoholics Anonymous.
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  Was. That.
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  Alcohol had stopped working. I poured that stuff into myself.
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  And it didn't change the way. I felt which was miserable, lost
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  and. Lonely, a bigger Martian than
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  ever before I came into AI had. No expectations.
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  I I. I had no real understanding.
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  Of what even? While I was there Really
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  somebody had recommended. That I go and so.
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  I went and I went and I sat. I think my.
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  Brain. Must have been awfully.
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  Scrambled at the time because I sat in those rooms.
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  And didn't understand anything I could.
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  Hear what these? People were saying but it didn't
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  make any sense and in later years I tried to.
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  Think why should I go? Back because they asked me to
• 8:13
  come. Back Why?
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  What? Was it that made me come back?
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  And of course, when I look on it today, I realized that what made
• 8:20
  me come back? Was that?
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  For the first time ever. A mob welcomed.
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  Me, you know, they said you're doing fine just come back just
• 8:31
  come back I didn't feel like I belonged in there in the
• 8:35
  beginning, but they wanted me back and they were kind to me
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  and I realized now that for the. 1st.
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  Time ever in my life. I felt, I'm quite sure.
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  That in. My early life, lots of people
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  wanted me to, but for the first time in my life.
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  In Alcoholics Anonymous. I felt as though.
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  Somebody wanted me and I was one of the lucky ones.
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  I. Sat in those.
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  Rooms long enough to become. What we call teachable, I
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  suppose. I sat in those rooms long
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  enough. To realize.
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  That there was something to be done in here.
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  I sat in. Those rooms long enough to
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  realize that there was a. Program for living and in the
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  beginning it made no sense. We have a ten step.
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  A 12 step program rather for alcohol that we.
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  Practice in Alcoholics Anonymous and it made no sense.
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  And those kind people. Who buffeted me?
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  And loved me and encouraged me. Just said doesn't matter if it
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  doesn't make any sense. Just do it.
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  And so I just. Did something that made
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  absolutely no sense to me. Whatsoever.
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  And in a. Little while.
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  I began to realize that things were changing for me.
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  And what was? Primarily changing.
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  Was that my thinking? Was.
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  Altering, you know, I was beginning to see things in a
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  different way, in a way that I hadn't.
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  Perceived before. And today I know, and I speak
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  only for myself. I know.
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  That the disease. Of alcoholism.
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  Is a disease of perception. It makes me see the world in a
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  way that may not be quite as accurate as it actually is.
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  And so. I became a.
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  Devoted Alcoholics. Alcoholics.
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  Anonymous member and I attended meetings and I did what they.
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  Asked. I went through the program.
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  I got myself a sponsor. And all that.
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  I was told to do was just keep. Coming back and just do.
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  What we do and I. Kept coming back and I did what
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  they did, and it's only when I look back in hindsight that I
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  can see that my life began to alter.
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  Not because. I was making.
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  Any changes I wasn't? You know, I wasn't going out
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  there fixing things with the kids.
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  Or or. Making it up with my head
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  flubber. I wasn't doing any of those
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  things. But what was?
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  Happening for me was that things were beginning.
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  To alter one of the. First things that happened.
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  Was the people that were. Going to evict me from where I
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  live. Forgot to evict.
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  Me. I can't explain that.
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  I don't know how that happened. I just know that the eviction
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  notice never came and the the very next thing that happened.
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  Was I was at work. One day.
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  Obviously I've. Still been going regularly and I
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  bumped into the boss in the passageway 1 morning and she
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  said to me. I'm not sure.
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  What it is that you're? Doing, but whatever it is, keep.
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  It up and even then the penny didn't click.
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  That they weren't. Going to let me go, you know,
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  and eventually a couple of my children began to speak to me
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  again and that ex. Lover of mine withdrew the.
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  Court order against me and we began to become friendly again
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  and my life began to alter and not.
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  Because I was. There actively.
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  Altering my. Life, and I recognize that
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  today. What was happening?
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  For me was that my perception was altering.
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  The way. I was thinking about the world
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  and its people was changing. Because when I was a Martian
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  trying very hard to be an, you know, I, I, I firmly.
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  Believed that it. Was the world.
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  And its people. That was at fault for the way I
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  felt. I believe that if.
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  My bosses. Had been.
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  Nicer I. Believed if my parents had been
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  more loving. I believed if my kids had been.
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  Nicer, you know. I would have had a better chance
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  like I. Blamed the.
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  World for the way I felt, but. Today I recognize.
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  That the way I felt was. Due to a disease that we call
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  the disease of alcoholism and it is a disease of perception.
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  So I've been coming to a A now for quite some.
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  Time I have. A few years up in the fellowship
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  and sometimes. You know people will.
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  Say to me, my friends, I have friends these days.
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  I want you to know sometimes my. Friends will say to me, oh, they
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  still keep going back, you know, you're not drinking,
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  everything's fine. But the reason I keep going back
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  is. Because I know that I suffer
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  from this. Disease of perception.
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  And if I don't continue to go to a place where my disease is
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  reaffirmed to me, and that's in. Meeting.
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  If I don't continue to go back to meetings.
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  Where I can? Hear how I can live with my
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  disease and how I can change it. Change my thinking.
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  You know I will. Forget if I stay away from
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  meetings for too. Long I forget I.
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  Forget what A. Disaster my drinking was, I
• 14:17
  forget what a what a disaster in my life, in fact.
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  I begin to think that life. Is a disaster, so I continue to
• 14:25
  go to Alcoholics Anonymous because of.
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  My disease of perception, I guess for me the best way of
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  explaining it is, you know. When you have problems and I.
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  Speak only for. Myself, you know when I have
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  problems and I go. To, let's say, my best friend.
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  Or to a counselor, or to the church, or to a psychologist.
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  And I have. No problem with any of these
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  people. Their response to me is.
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  Tell me your troubles and you. Try to fix it but in Alcoholics
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  Anonymous it. Works in direct.
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  Opposition to that in Alcoholics Anonymous, they say to me we
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  don't really care too much about your problems.
• 15:15
  But come to us. And we will fix your behavior
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  and your thinking. And that's what happened.
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  To me the first behavior. That was altered.
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  For me. Was don't pick up the 1st.
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  Drink no matter. What?
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  And I adhered to that. I didn't.
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  Pick up the. 1st. Drink no matter what.
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  And eventually I was shown. How to be?
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  Friendly towards. People I was.
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  Never friendly. Towards people.
• 15:45
  On a Martian, you're not friendly.
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  To Earth and. I was shown how to put my hand
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  out. I was.
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  Shown how to. Shut my mouth and listen to
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  somebody else. For a change instead of babbling
• 15:57
  on. About myself all the time.
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  What AA and the program has done for me is that it has taught me
• 16:05
  to live. In a world.
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  That baffled me. Just taught me to have a life
• 16:11
  that. I couldn't achieve.
• 16:12
  In a world that baffles me today, I go.
• 16:16
  To a a. For one thing and one thing only
• 16:19
  because it helped me to live in a life and to do things that
• 16:25
  other people do. The best example of that is, you
• 16:29
  know, driving yesterday to the shopping center.
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  There's a police. Car right behind me.
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  And my. Heartbeat.
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  My heart rate never changed because.
• 16:40
  I was an honorary citizen obeying the law.
• 16:44
  Not that I'm saying I don't. Speed occasionally.
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  I do, but on that day. Yesterday, nothing happened.
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  You know, because. I was an Earthling obeying your
• 16:56
  Earthling speed. Limit and doing.
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  OK. In the world.
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  And I love. That I guess in essence, it
• 17:03
  wants to sum it up, Alcoholics Anonymous and the program and
• 17:08
  the people in it do for me today what alcohol.
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  Used to. Do for me, it enables me to
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  walk. Out in the streets and.
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  To be a citizen, to be an Earthling just like everybody
• 17:20
  else. And for that I am truly grateful
• 17:23
  and will continue to come back. Thank you.
• 17:27
  You said earlier that one of your problems with with your
• 17:32
  drinking was that you would have these good ideas and act upon
• 17:37
  them. What did you mean by that?
• 17:39
  Well, I'd be sitting at home miserable, miserable, lonely.
• 17:45
  Lost and miserable. And I.
• 17:48
  Would have a few drinks and I would know.
• 17:51
  That Prince. Charming was.
• 17:52
  Out there somewhere. And I.
• 17:55
  Went out to find him no hold barred and you were saying now
• 18:06
  that you have a different way of of thinking that that it's AI
• 18:11
  guess a philosophy. Is it because you the voice in
• 18:14
  your own head was being cruel, you know, being harsh on you?
• 18:19
  Have you learnt to be gentler? No, that, that's, that's a bit
• 18:23
  of a tough one. I I.
• 18:26
  Find that. My disease of alcoholism.
• 18:29
  Always tells me. To be tough on myself.
• 18:33
  You know, I, I will be the first person that I will find fault
• 18:37
  with today. As a sober person, and I guess
• 18:41
  that's why. The fellowship of Alcoholics
• 18:45
  Anonymous. Is so important.
• 18:48
  Because I can walk into a meeting.
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  Or even meet with a friend for a cup of coffee.
• 18:53
  And a fellow. A a member and I can say, oh,
• 18:57
  you know, today I really feel. Whatever it is, I feel short,
• 19:02
  fat, ugly. Stupid, inept, Unloved.
• 19:05
  You know and. And we can.
• 19:07
  Talk about that. And see how that's not actually
• 19:11
  quite. True.
• 19:13
  So my disease. Of perception continues.
• 19:17
  But I have a foil for it today and.
• 19:20
  I have an intricate belief that, you know, my disease of
• 19:24
  perception is exactly that. It is the disease not to be
• 19:28
  believed. You know we have another.
• 19:30
  Little saying in Alcoholics Anonymous.
• 19:33
  That is my. Feelings.
• 19:35
  Are not back and I know that that's probably.
• 19:39
  True for the general population as.
• 19:41
  Well, but I. I would have to say that.
• 19:45
  My friends who are an Alcoholics Anonymous and I would we share a
• 19:49
  commonality we are. Super sensitive, you know.
• 19:55
  And and it's that super sensitivity that needs to be.
• 20:01
  Overcome a lot of the time I suppose for want of a better.
• 20:05
  Word. Have you ever fallen off the
• 20:08
  wagon? Have I ever?
• 20:11
  Drunk since I came in, yeah, yes, I came in and two years
• 20:16
  after I came in, I picked up a drink for one night and one.
• 20:20
  Night only. And I came back and after that I
• 20:24
  had not had a drink. What did you feel about yourself
• 20:29
  after that point? After I picked up that that one
• 20:33
  drink or that night of drinking well.
• 20:36
  What happened for me that night? Of drinking was actually very
• 20:39
  valuable because. In that.
• 20:41
  Night of drinking, I suddenly. Saw the truth about myself right
• 20:45
  up until that moment. I think I've already mentioned,
• 20:49
  I really do believe that the world.
• 20:51
  Had wronged me. You know that it the problem.
• 20:55
  Was them they. And those out there, they were
• 20:58
  all. Out to get me but.
• 20:59
  In that night and in that one drink, and that one drink led to
• 21:05
  an act of violence. And in.
• 21:07
  That moment I. Could suddenly see that.
• 21:10
  It's not the world. That there was something.
• 21:12
  Terribly wrong with. Me.
• 21:14
  So I. Am supremely.
• 21:16
  Grateful for falling. Off the wagon, that.
• 21:18
  Night because it. Finally showed me.
• 21:20
  Where the real? Problem was and that was with
• 21:23
  me. Thank you so much for sharing
• 21:26
  your story. You're most welcome.
• 21:30
  Thank you for. Having me beautiful.
• 21:32
  Karina, Beautiful, Dennis, Bucky, and I'll just give a list
• 21:40
  of some of the meetings that are in the local area.
• 21:44
  Monday night is gala meeting, it starts at 8:00.
• 21:48
  Tuesday is Elizabeth E, starts at 8:00.
• 21:52
  Wednesday is Elizabeth E, it starts at 8.
• 21:55
  Thursday is 2. Wells starts at 8:00.
• 21:59
  Friday is Salisbury, starts at 8:00.
• 22:02
  Saturday is Davenham Park at 12:00, Sunday is Salisbury that
• 22:07
  starts at 7:00. For more details of your
• 22:11
  meetings or your local meetings and meetings in SA, please call
• 22:16
  1300 Double 22222. Once again, if anyone you know
• 22:22
  is struggling with alcohol issues, please call Alcoholics
• 22:25
  Anonymous on 1300 Double 22222 or check our website the website
• 22:34
  isaa.org dot AU. Thanks very much.
• 22:40
  I might just run through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
• 22:45
  It's the the programme of Alcoholics Anonymous.
• 22:49
  We admitted with powerless over alcohol that our lives had
• 22:52
  become unmanageable. 2 Came to believe that a power greater
• 22:56
  than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
• 22:59
  Three Made a decision to turn our will in our lives over the
• 23:02
  care of God as we understood Him.
• 23:05
  Four Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of
• 23:08
  ourselves. 5 Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human
• 23:12
  being the exact nature our wrongs.
• 23:15
  Six were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of
• 23:19
  character. 7 Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 8 Made
• 23:25
  a list of persons we had harmed and became willing to make
• 23:29
  amends to them all. Nine may direct amends such
• 23:32
  people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them
• 23:36
  or others. 10 continue to take personal inventory when we were
• 23:40
  wrong promptly eluded. 11 So through prayer and meditation to
• 23:44
  improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him,
• 23:48
  praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to
• 23:50
  carry that. And 12 having had a spiritual
• 23:54
  awakening as a result of these steps, we try to carry this
• 23:58
  message to Alcoholics and practice these principles in all
• 24:02
  of our affairs.