Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #35| How to Actually Enjoy the Holidays Even When You're Feeling Overwhelmed
Transcript
- 0:04Michelle: Hey, I'm Michelle Gauthier, and you're listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 0:09Michelle: Hey, friends, thanks for joining me today.
- 0:13Michelle: I have got the holidays on my mind and it's a good thing, because that is what we're going to be talking about today.
- 0:19Michelle: I've been a life coach for about six years now and every year between Thanksgiving and the first, or really more like the fifth, of January, you know, when everything kind of starts to settle down and the kids go back to school, etc.
- 0:34Michelle: is usually one of the busiest times for women specifically.
- 0:39Michelle: So I've tried different things.
- 0:41Michelle: I've sometimes taught a class on how to have a calm holiday season.
- 0:45Michelle: Sometimes I send out email tips.
- 0:47Michelle: I've had a contest before, you know, on social media.
- 0:50Michelle: I've asked them to share with me what stresses them out the most about holidays.
- 0:54Michelle: So I feel like I've been doing unofficial 'what is stressful during the holidays and here are some tips to combat that stress' for the past six or so years.
- 1:02Michelle: So as I was thinking about putting this episode together, I thought it really boils down to three things and that's what we're going to talk about today.
- 1:11Michelle: So if you want your holiday season between like right now until after the new year begins to feel more calm, more present and more intentional, then give a listen to today's podcast and follow my tips for the top three things to do to have a calm holiday season.
- 1:31Michelle: A lot of the feedback that I've gotten in a lot of the tips that I'll be giving will use examples about Christmas, so if you don't celebrate Christmas, these examples might not exactly apply to you, but I still think that there is a powerful lesson here about how to prioritize, how to focus and give time to what you really want, and how to say no or just walk away from the rest.
- 1:56Michelle: Before I jump into those three tips, I just want to say thank you for listening and thank you to everyone who has written reviews.
- 2:03Michelle: I've got so many five-star reviews out there and I am so grateful for each one.
- 2:08Michelle: I haven't read a review in a while, so I just want to reach out and say thank you to Ash Ramburn.
- 2:14Michelle: Her review says, "Lher voice and her simple yet powerful message.
- 2:19Michelle: Michelle's podcasts are so easy to listen to and really get at the influential message she's sharing.
- 2:24Michelle: Direct, simple, inspiring and insightful.
- 2:27Michelle: My favorite is her podcast on the morning routine, which has had a huge impact on my life.
- 2:32Michelle: " That is awesome.
- 2:34Michelle: Thank you very much.
- 2:35Michelle: Thanks for listening.
- 2:36Michelle: Thanks for taking the time to write that review.
- 2:38Michelle: Morning routines can be super powerful.
- 2:41Michelle: If you have not listened to that episode, you should go back and download my free one.
- 2:45Michelle: It'll help you during the holidays and the rest of the year.
- 2:49Michelle: Okay, let's get into it.
- 2:50Michelle: Here are the top three things that you can do to make your holiday season more enjoyable.
- 2:57Michelle: First, I want you to just picture it as the shape of a Christmas tree.
- 3:03Michelle: The three tips are: focus on the top (think about that star that's at the top of your typical Christmas tree), drop the bottom (think about the bottom of the Christmas tree where there might be some ornaments hanging the ones that usually cats and dogs and toddlers like to get to and pull off the tree), we're going to focus on the star, we're going to drop the bottom.
- 3:26Michelle: Think about the middle of the tree.
- 3:28Michelle: We're going to curate the middle.
- 3:29Michelle: We're going to see how much we can get into the middle of that tree with the least amount of work, making it look as nice as we want it to look.
- 3:38Michelle: So, focus on the top, drop the bottom and curate the middle.
- 3:43Michelle: Let's start with the very first one, which is focus on the top.
- 3:49Michelle: Imagine that you've got a list going of everything you're doing between now and January 1st.
- 3:53Michelle: If you don't have this list made, no need to panic.
- 3:56Michelle: You may never have this list made.
- 3:58Michelle: You might be a super list person that does have it all written down, but if you don't have it, just imagine some of the things that could be on there.
- 4:05Michelle: So let's just say this list has like 47 things on it and they're in no particular order.
- 4:10Michelle: So you've got like buying presents for your family, sending Christmas cards, hosting a New Year's Eve party, decorating your house, baking cookies for work.
- 4:19Michelle: Maybe you're traveling and you need to book your travel, hang up the stockings, fill up the stockings, hosting your family, whatever else is on there, and maybe there are some family traditions that you and your family like doing.
- 4:30Michelle: So think about what that huge list would contain.
- 4:35Michelle: I'm just going to give you a second to think about that and try not to be like, oh my gosh, there's so much to do.
- 4:40Michelle: Just try to look at it from a neutral perspective.
- 4:42Michelle: And then I want you to pick your absolute favorite number one priority on that list.
- 4:49Michelle: I just read this the other day and I thought it was so interesting.
- 4:52Michelle: It's that the word priority was meant to mean number one, like one and only number one, and there was no plural version of the word until, like the 1940s, when suddenly it supposedly was possible to have priorities instead of just priority, like just one number one thing.
- 5:10Michelle: So I want you to go back and use it from its original meaning and just choose your absolute number one favorite thing.
- 5:17Michelle: If you're sitting there thinking, oh my gosh, there's so much to choose from, I don't know, I don't know which one's my favorite, notice the very first thing that popped into your head.
- 5:26Michelle: Sometimes, that first answer, that first thing that pops into our head, is the right thing.
- 5:31Michelle: It's the right answer.
- 5:33Michelle: I asked this question on Facebook and I got some great responses.
- 5:35Michelle: Some people's responses were my number one thing that I want to do is slow down and enjoy it.
- 5:41Michelle: Somebody else's was going to midnight mass, for example.
- 5:46Michelle: Somebody else's was eating with their family, like the part about eating with their family was their biggest number one priority.
- 5:52Michelle: So it doesn't really matter what it is, just think about what it is for you.
- 5:56Michelle: Now for me, when I asked myself this question for this year it would have been a different one last year, actually, but what popped into my mind this year is Christmas morning.
- 6:05Michelle: So my kids are 13 and 16, but they still love Christmas morning.
- 6:09Michelle: That makes me so happy.
- 6:10Michelle: Their gifts have totally gone from like toys to hoodies and gift cards, but we still love sharing presents and all their traditions.
- 6:21Michelle: And as I'm saying this, I realize my favorite part are the traditions that we've created that are just ours, so like just the three of us.
- 6:29Michelle: Number one thing we always make peanut butter blossoms.
- 6:32Michelle: You know those cookies that are peanut butter, like the dough is peanut butter but they have the Hershey kiss in the middle.
- 6:37Michelle: We always make those, usually like the night or a couple of days before, and then when we wake up we get them out, warm them up and have those with a glass of milk, like that's our sort of breakfast as we're opening presents or before we open presents.
- 6:53Michelle: So that's one of my favorite traditions.
- 6:56Michelle: And then I get my kids each four presents One thing they can wear, one thing for their room, one experience, and then like a random present which is whatever they might ask me for.
- 7:07Michelle: The night before Christmas I make them go to bed early, which is really just them going in their rooms and watching TikTok, I'm sure, but I make them go in their rooms early and then I spend all this time that I totally enjoy and gives me so much joy writing clues about where their presents are, and then I hide them all over the house.
- 7:26Michelle: So Christmas morning they know they're just getting these four presents, but they know that it's gonna be like a production to find them.
- 7:33Michelle: I got this idea from my friend, Corey, one year and I've been doing it ever since.
- 7:36Michelle: It's so much fun and my kids love it.
- 7:38Michelle: Well, my 16 year old might be less excited about it, but he likes the present.
- 7:44Michelle: So, anyway, this whole Christmas morning thing, including all those steps that I just said, is my absolute favorite part of Christmas.
- 7:52Michelle: So the reason why we're gonna start with this step of focusing on your absolute priority is so that you don't get to say, in my example, because mine is actually on Christmas morning, you don't get to the 24th of December and be like, oh crap, this is my favorite, most important thing, and I haven't even thought about it.
- 8:09Michelle: I still need to get some gifts, I need to wrap them, I haven't gotten the stuff for the cookies, all those things.
- 8:14Michelle: So if I put this as my number one ultimate priority.
- 8:17Michelle: It helps me get started on it, like right now.
- 8:21Michelle: So, for example, I told you I get four presents for each kid.
- 8:25Michelle: Before Thanksgiving even happened, I made a list of all the categories.
- 8:29Michelle: I made a list of ideas for each kid.
- 8:31Michelle: I looked up online where I could get those things.
- 8:33Michelle: I waited till Black Friday or Cyber Monday.
- 8:36Michelle: I bought them at a discount.
- 8:38Michelle: I ordered them all online.
- 8:39Michelle: As they come, I wrap the presents and then I write a little code on the bottom so I remember what they are, because, of course, when I buy them a month early, I'm like what was that one again?
- 8:49Michelle: So I wrap them and I write a little note to myself on the bottom, and then my daughter and I usually bake the cookies a couple of days before and then we hide them in the freezer, sometimes in a bag of frozen veggies.
- 9:02Michelle: So my son won't know they're there, because one year he found them in the freezer and they were all gone by the time we got to Christmas.
- 9:09Michelle: So that's an important part of it.
- 9:11Michelle: So if your number one priority is like hosting your family for Christmas Eve dinner because that's your fave, you could use the same approach.
- 9:18Michelle: Start now thinking about it.
- 9:20Michelle: How do you wanna let everyone know that they're invited?
- 9:23Michelle: What time?
- 9:24Michelle: What are you thinking for the menu?
- 9:25Michelle: What are some of the ways that you could make it easier on yourself?
- 9:28Michelle: Just spend some time, no matter how far out it is, planning and thinking about your number one priority.
- 9:35Michelle: If your number one priority is something more nebulous - so mine's very specific, it's this opening Christmas presents on Christmas morning, t he one example I just gave is having your whole family over for dinner, those are very specific.
- 9:48Michelle: Some of the answers I got were more nebulous, like I just want to enjoy it more or I just want to be present with my family more.
- 9:57Michelle: So if your number one priority is something more like that, ask yourself what exactly do you want to do to be more present and how will you know when you're doing it?
- 10:06Michelle: So maybe you say one evening a week I wanna do something with my family that is Christmas related.
- 10:14Michelle: So maybe we go drive and look at Christmas lights, or maybe we watch a Christmas movie, or maybe we decorate or whatever it is.
- 10:22Michelle: But try to take your number one priority and turn it into something tangible and measurable instead of just saying I wanna be more present.
- 10:30Michelle: How will you be more present?
- 10:31Michelle: What will it look like when you're being more present?
- 10:34Michelle: Okay, so if we're going back to our image of the Christmas tree, we just focused on the top.
- 10:39Michelle: We've got that biggest, shiniest star on the top and we've made our plans for that.
- 10:44Michelle: Take your number one, make it the priority schedule time for it, and then just do it.
- 10:50Michelle: Because if you don't focus on your top number one, you maybe will still do it, but it won't feel as good because it will be rushed, which to me is never as much fun.
- 11:00Michelle: Okay, so now that we've got that part taken care of, we're gonna go look at the very bottom of the tree, the last foot or so.
- 11:08Michelle: If you think about your to-do list for Christmas, what's really at the bottom?
- 11:12Michelle: What is something that you'd just love to drop?
- 11:15Michelle: For example, sometimes I'll ask my clients imagine if you didn't have to do Christmas cards this year.
- 11:22Michelle: How would you feel?
- 11:24Michelle: And usually they say like oh my gosh, I'd be so relieved if I could just cross that off my list.
- 11:29Michelle: Here's the good news: you can totally just cross that off your list, even if it feels like you can't.
- 11:35Michelle: Just remind yourself that you always can make that choice.
- 11:40Michelle: One thing I started saying no to once I got divorced was hanging up Christmas lights outside the house.
- 11:46Michelle: I do love Christmas lights, I love seeing the neighbors, I love driving around to neighborhoods and seeing them, but I don't really care about putting forth the effort to do it.
- 11:54Michelle: I think the first year when I got them all out and I didn't really know how my ex-husband had done it and some of the bulbs Were all out and I was just like this is too much.
- 12:04Michelle: So I just gave away the outdoor Christmas decorations, just like on Craigslist free or Facebook free, and I just don't do it.
- 12:12Michelle: And same's true for the Christmas cards.
- 12:14Michelle: I love getting them.
- 12:15Michelle: I love receiving people's Christmas cards.
- 12:18Michelle: I'm not a Christmas card hater at all.
- 12:20Michelle: I just don't want to spend the time to send them anymore.
- 12:24Michelle: It's so much work to think about.
- 12:27Michelle: What am I gonna get the picture done?
- 12:29Michelle: What design am I gonna choose?
- 12:31Michelle: I don't really have anybody's addresses anymore.
- 12:33Michelle: It just got to be so much and it just was basically at the bottom of the list, at the bottom of the Christmas tree, so I just removed it, and if you think about how much time and space that frees up for you during a busy season, that's amazing.
- 12:49Michelle: There's no way you could get Christmas cards out the door without spending 10 or 20 hours in total.
- 12:55Michelle: I mean, think about even just thinking about what to wear for your whole family, much less acquiring all those clothes and then getting the pictures and then choosing the pictures and then choosing the card and then finding the addresses, and if you're like me and you want to write a special note on each one, it's a lot of time.
- 13:10Michelle: So everything you take off your list gives back time for the things that you really want to do, like spend time with your family and be present with your family.
- 13:20Michelle: One thing I want to offer here is the idea - really, I'm gonna say it's a truth more than an idea: If you say no to something, you are very likely to feel uncomfortable.
- 13:33Michelle: So, for example, maybe there's like a party that is your in-laws', like an extended part of your in-laws family, and the idea of not going sounds amazing when you think about having like a whole Sunday afternoon to just do whatever you want, spend your time however you want to, but you feel those guilty feelings of saying no.
- 13:54Michelle: So think about both sides of the discomfort.
- 13:58Michelle: So if you go, you will feel the discomfort of dreading it, getting ready for it, maybe when you're at the party or even having an okay time, but then you get back home and you feel all overwhelmed because it's Sunday night and you're not organized for the week.
- 14:13Michelle: So there's that discomfort that you'll feel if you say yes, and then think about the discomfort that you'll have if you say no.
- 14:21Michelle: So the discomfort that you'll have if you'll say no, maybe you feel guilty or you feel awkward or whatever your feelings are.
- 14:28Michelle: But just notice that on either side of that equation, you're gonna feel some discomfort.
- 14:33Michelle: So just choose the one that serves you best.
- 14:38Michelle: And if the one that serves you best is having a whole afternoon to yourself, a little bit of discomfort is okay.
- 14:44Michelle: You can feel a little discomfort and do it anyway.
- 14:47Michelle: If you need more info on this, go back to some of my earlier podcasts.
- 14:50Michelle: Listen to the How to Say No podcast.
- 14:52Michelle: That one will totally help you if you're struggling with this.
- 14:55Michelle: Okay, so so far we have focused on the top, the star on the top of the tree.
- 15:01Michelle: We have dropped stuff from the bottom, from the bottom of our list.
- 15:04Michelle: You're just crossing it off or saying no, and now we're gonna deal with the middle.
- 15:09Michelle: So what we're gonna do in the middle is we're gonna curate stuff.
- 15:12Michelle: First of all, make sure everything in the middle is something that you want to do, or that, even if you don't want to do it, that you are making the choice to do it.
- 15:22Michelle: There's a big difference between saying I have to do this and saying it's not my favorite thing to do, but I'm going to do it.
- 15:29Michelle: I'm choosing to do it.
- 15:30Michelle: So make sure that everything in the middle of your list meets that criteria, if it doesn't drop it down to the bottom and cross it off your list.
- 15:39Michelle: Okay, so I'm going to give you an example of some of the things that are in the middle of my list.
- 15:44Michelle: So again, these is not my number one priority and these are not things that I want to drop off.
- 15:48Michelle: So other things that I do during the holiday season that I want to make time for are I go to the handsome man friends holiday party, I go to Minnesota with my whole family for New Year's Eve and I also am hosting my family for dinner on Christmas Eve.
- 16:08Michelle: So those are just three of the many things that are in the middle of my list.
- 16:13Michelle: I like all of them.
- 16:15Michelle: I want to do all of them.
- 16:16Michelle: So the question that I wanna ask myself is how can I make these easier?
- 16:21Michelle: What can I do?
- 16:22Michelle: And if you just take a few minutes and think about each thing, what can I do to make these easier?
- 16:27Michelle: Where can I outsource something?
- 16:29Michelle: You will make your life so much easier.
- 16:33Michelle: So if I think about, for example, the Minnesota trip one of the things that I did this year, I booked the flights like six weeks ago.
- 16:40Michelle: I booked them way early so I didn't have to worry about it.
- 16:43Michelle: And one of the things I did to make our life easier is normally we'll leave not on Christmas Day, but like right after Christmas.
- 16:51Michelle: It's always stressful.
- 16:52Michelle: I always feel the need to wanna like clean up all the presents and put the Christmas stuff away, and then we feel rushed and I just don't like it.
- 17:01Michelle: So this year I said we're not gonna go the day after Christmas, we're gonna go the day after that and I'm gonna book a flight that's at like 10 in the morning - I have this tendency to book like the five or six am flights.
- 17:12Michelle: I think it's from all my years of business travel and my knowledge that if you fly early, you're most likely not to be delayed or late, which may or may not be true, I don't know.
- 17:21Michelle: I could have just made that up, but I booked us a decent flight time on a day later than we would normally go, and I think the whole thing is gonna be so much more fun and so much more relaxing.
- 17:33Michelle: When I think about going to the holiday party with my handsome man friend I just was thinking about it because it's this upcoming weekend I was just thinking about it and thinking, oh my gosh, I need to get out shopping.
- 17:44Michelle: What am I gonna wear?
- 17:45Michelle: What kind of dress do I wanna wear?
- 17:46Michelle: I'm like wait, why don't I just make this easy and shop in my own closet?
- 17:51Michelle: And I looked in there and, lo and behold, there were three potential dresses that I could wear already there.
- 17:57Michelle: And I can promise you I could wear the same dress as I wore last year and I would bet no one would remember because I had to think about wait, what did I wear last year?
- 18:04Michelle: So if I don't remember, nobody else is gonna remember.
- 18:08Michelle: So why not make my life easier?
- 18:11Michelle: And then, when I think about having my family over for dinner, what do I wanna make?
- 18:15Michelle: Can I make it something simple?
- 18:17Michelle: Everyone offers to bring things.
- 18:19Michelle: Can I take people up on that?
- 18:21Michelle: How can I just make that be easy and smooth for us?
- 18:25Michelle: So there are your top three tips.
- 18:28Michelle: That basically sums up everything you need to know to make your holidays easier.
- 18:32Michelle: Focus on the top, your number one priority item.
- 18:35Michelle: Drop as much as you can from the bottom of the list and then the stuff in the middle you're curated by saying what can I do to make this easier?
- 18:43Michelle: I wanna change this up from the way that I've done it years prior.
- 18:46Michelle: What can I do to make this easier?
- 18:48Michelle: That's it, my friends.
- 18:50Michelle: I hope you have a wonderful holiday season and I will see you next week.
- 18:54Michelle: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 18:58Michelle: If you wanna learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.
- 19:04Michelle: com.
- 19:04Michelle: See you next week.