Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Happy Hour #94: This is the Way?
Transcript
- 0:05Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I don't alcome to stephone.
- 0:07Speaker 1: Never told you productually, I high radio and welcome to
- 0:19Speaker 1: another edition of a happy Hour. As always, if you
- 0:24Speaker 1: choose to do so, please drink responsibly. And yeah, what
- 0:29Speaker 1: are you sipping on, Samantha. So I'm keeping it simple
- 0:32Speaker 1: with my vodka Seltzer water that I'm not naming the
- 0:35Speaker 1: brand because I don't know if they're a good brand,
- 0:37Speaker 1: but I enjoy their drinks. I do know they're like
- 0:40Speaker 1: a big corporate type of brand. It is watermelon flavored.
- 0:44Speaker 1: Oh that's interesting because it's kind of like a rainy
- 0:47Speaker 1: November day here it is, I know, any like light
- 0:51Speaker 1: fruity Seltzer feels like it should be summer. But it's
- 0:56Speaker 1: good for me, especially because it's not exactly happy our
- 1:00Speaker 1: time in real time ourselves. So I'm keeping it low key. Yes, yes, uh.
- 1:08Speaker 1: And as you're listening to this, Um, the midterm elections
- 1:11Speaker 1: have just happens, and so we are going to be
- 1:14Speaker 1: talking about that, but just no, we know, you know,
- 1:16Speaker 1: and we're grappling with things. Um, yeah, and we'll be
- 1:20Speaker 1: we'll be talking about it, I'm sure for a long time.
- 1:23Speaker 1: I am drinking margarita, which I guess is also not
- 1:28Speaker 1: super weather on point, but stacious and refreshing. And it
- 1:32Speaker 1: is actually hot my closet because these lights. She gets
- 1:36Speaker 1: very hot. I do get very hot, and I'm a
- 1:38Speaker 1: cold natured person, right, yeah, but it's a it's a
- 1:42Speaker 1: small space. And also, as I've told Samantha, this episode
- 1:46Speaker 1: is probably gonna get me all riled up, so she's
- 1:48Speaker 1: been preparing. I have been preparing, and in fact, this
- 1:54Speaker 1: outline a little peek behind the scenes. Normally we do
- 1:58Speaker 1: a much more structured outline unless it's something super conversational.
- 2:02Speaker 1: This is something that I have just done bullet points
- 2:05Speaker 1: randomly for months. Um, so it's just kind of a
- 2:11Speaker 1: hodgepodge of emotions from me. There's a lot of question
- 2:15Speaker 1: marks and exclamation points in this outline. There are, and
- 2:21Speaker 1: I do want to preface this in a multiple multiple ways. Okay,
- 2:27Speaker 1: So number one, I think we should come back and
- 2:29Speaker 1: talk about this more in depth. I know not everyone
- 2:32Speaker 1: will be excited about that, but I will be, and
- 2:34Speaker 1: sometimes that's all that matters. Two, there's two reasons I
- 2:39Speaker 1: wanted to talk about this, which is we are talking
- 2:42Speaker 1: about my thoughts around toxic masculinity and Mandalorians from Star
- 2:48Speaker 1: wars Field. I have so many feels we can't even
- 2:53Speaker 1: I'm going to keep this short, but believe me, this
- 2:56Speaker 1: could be a fifteen hour mini series. So there are
- 2:59Speaker 1: two reasons this was not my mind. Um. One is
- 3:03Speaker 1: my mom, my sweet mom, when we were recently hanging out,
- 3:07Speaker 1: asked me what she thought would be a simple question,
- 3:11Speaker 1: which is what is a Mandalorian? And thirty minutes later
- 3:16Speaker 1: she was like, oh really, I was literally going on
- 3:22Speaker 1: for thirty minutes, Um, because it's complicated. It's complicated. And also,
- 3:30Speaker 1: when I was recently at Dragon Con, not one but
- 3:33Speaker 1: two men told me the whole reason they didn't like
- 3:40Speaker 1: Book of Boba Fette, which I have plenty of issues with,
- 3:42Speaker 1: but the whole reason they didn't like it was because
- 3:45Speaker 1: Boba Fette took off his helmet. And this just got
- 3:50Speaker 1: my brain turning. I got my thoughts, my feminist thoughts
- 3:55Speaker 1: were going. Samantha. I was like, that's interesting. I also
- 4:00Speaker 1: have to say I held back from doing the biggest,
- 4:04Speaker 1: most annoying well actually because is not a Mandalorian. Can
- 4:11Speaker 1: you imagine if I said that, Oh my god, oh no,
- 4:16Speaker 1: it would have been very, very terrible. So also to
- 4:19Speaker 1: preface this, I do love Mandalorians. You can critique things
- 4:23Speaker 1: you love. I think that that's totally legitimate. But I
- 4:27Speaker 1: think this this idea of the Mandalorian which if you're
- 4:34Speaker 1: not clear, and it is confusing, as it took thirty
- 4:37Speaker 1: minutes for me to even try to explain this to
- 4:39Speaker 1: my mom. Basically, they are a people, a creed. I've
- 4:44Speaker 1: mistakenly said race before. They're not a race. They're they're
- 4:46Speaker 1: like a people or creed. Um. That's where the resinal
- 4:51Speaker 1: there or basically like the six tenants of being a Mandalorian. Um.
- 4:56Speaker 1: So anybody can do it if you possess the there's
- 4:59Speaker 1: a word, there's a Mandalorian word for Bandokar or something. Um.
- 5:03Speaker 1: But so so anybody could do it. Um. They do
- 5:07Speaker 1: have a planet Mandalore was destroyed by the Empire, who
- 5:11Speaker 1: they had worked with. Their armor is like sacred to them.
- 5:15Speaker 1: Weapons are their religion. As they say, they're very warrior,
- 5:19Speaker 1: combat type of people. They respect things like that. Um.
- 5:24Speaker 1: And it is one of those things where, oh gosh,
- 5:31Speaker 1: I can talk about this for so long. But basically,
- 5:33Speaker 1: like I do, I see a lot of women, especially
- 5:35Speaker 1: in fan fiction romanticizing kind of that like strong man
- 5:39Speaker 1: with the you know under the armor can't be touched.
- 5:45Speaker 1: Is that he's emotionally distant, has a lot of responsibilities,
- 5:49Speaker 1: a lot of emotions, just ruminating all aside. Yes, that
- 5:55Speaker 1: kind of brooding uh shell that maybe you can crack
- 6:00Speaker 1: or maybe he's the one you gotta fix exactly doesn't
- 6:05Speaker 1: love fixing men. I know, and I you know, I
- 6:08Speaker 1: have a whole other episode coming out about that. Um,
- 6:12Speaker 1: but yeah, it is kind of that idea. And this
- 6:16Speaker 1: isn't new. We talked about this on this show a lot.
- 6:18Speaker 1: But I think that the fact that two men told
- 6:21Speaker 1: me that's what bothered them about Book of Bubba Fett
- 6:23Speaker 1: really struck me because essentially then it becomes I hadn't
- 6:27Speaker 1: really considered the idea of here is a character who
- 6:35Speaker 1: and I'm speaking of the Mandalorian specifically here, um, but
- 6:38Speaker 1: here's a character who doesn't remove his helmet, who speaks
- 6:44Speaker 1: in kind of a monotone through a modulator voice modulator,
- 6:48Speaker 1: doesn't remove his armor. And that is such a like
- 6:53Speaker 1: physical costuming representation of this idea of like the stowitz
- 6:59Speaker 1: ism of like no one can know you if you
- 7:02Speaker 1: have to be strong you have to be no one
- 7:04Speaker 1: can hurt you like this. And the fact that that's
- 7:08Speaker 1: what made them mad about that whole show is that
- 7:12Speaker 1: he showed his face. I find very fascinating. Right to me,
- 7:17Speaker 1: I need to know, because I was like, is it really, Pascal?
- 7:20Speaker 1: Is it is it? And then I was like, Okay,
- 7:23Speaker 1: maybe it is. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. I'm
- 7:27Speaker 1: assuming it's a stand. In the entire time, I think
- 7:30Speaker 1: it was. Yeah, And I just like that whole thing
- 7:34Speaker 1: of that you won't show anybody your face, And then
- 7:40Speaker 1: you get him with this, you know, super cute little baby,
- 7:45Speaker 1: and he's starting to show cracks in his shell. Yeah,
- 7:50Speaker 1: who commits genn A side by the way, Look, don't
- 7:54Speaker 1: get me started all that everybody, And I was like,
- 8:01Speaker 1: what is happening? Why does no one? Why is everyone
- 8:03Speaker 1: okay with this? Why is mama like that's okay? I
- 8:06Speaker 1: gotta love. I love for people who haven't seen this show,
- 8:10Speaker 1: you're listening like, what are you talking about? Exactly exactly
- 8:15Speaker 1: And and you know I made this joke before, but
- 8:19Speaker 1: Patro Pascal, who plays Mandalorian, is playing Joel from the
- 8:23Speaker 1: last About in the upcoming show, and it's a similar thing,
- 8:25Speaker 1: and we've talked about that where there's a lot of
- 8:28Speaker 1: I think a lot of forgiveness we're willing to give,
- 8:31Speaker 1: and a lot of ground we're willing to give, and
- 8:34Speaker 1: a lot of like frankly, fan love we're willing to
- 8:36Speaker 1: give to this male character who's so stoic, who's wearing
- 8:39Speaker 1: this mask, like you can't know so strong. What does
- 8:43Speaker 1: he say in the trailer? He says in the game too,
- 8:45Speaker 1: like you don't know what lass he is? Like he does,
- 8:48Speaker 1: she does exactly, she does, she does exactly, And we're
- 8:53Speaker 1: so like, but he's so sweet though he's been through
- 8:56Speaker 1: so much, Like we're so ready to really forgive that,
- 9:01Speaker 1: and especially in this space. I mean, women do it
- 9:06Speaker 1: in fan fiction. I've seen it, I've read it, I've
- 9:08Speaker 1: written it, like I get it, but I've also like
- 9:11Speaker 1: men seem to do it in terms of and I
- 9:14Speaker 1: don't want to say everybody, but it's like maybe these
- 9:15Speaker 1: men specifically we're talking about the mask, like they do
- 9:19Speaker 1: it when they see that character. It's almost like that's
- 9:25Speaker 1: his positive is that he's you know, emotionally cut off, untouchable, whatever.
- 9:31Speaker 1: He's so stoic, you can't see his face, but he's
- 9:35Speaker 1: still being kind to this child who is so innocent
- 9:40Speaker 1: and heavy quotes like the most innocent thing you can
- 9:43Speaker 1: think of, look Samantha. If I started talking about pro
- 9:48Speaker 1: who slash painter Yoda, I don't know what's gonna happen,
- 9:51Speaker 1: but I think we might be canceled. I just feel
- 10:11Speaker 1: like the way Mandalorians are written, which is a very
- 10:16Speaker 1: again warrior class, and there are plenty of women who
- 10:19Speaker 1: are Mandalorians. Don't be wrong, but they have kind of
- 10:21Speaker 1: a more masculine vibe. I've seen a lot of hypocrisy
- 10:26Speaker 1: and how they judge people judge Mandalorians versus how they
- 10:29Speaker 1: judge like anything else anybody else in Star wars Um,
- 10:33Speaker 1: even if it's the exact Sainct scenario, and it's kind
- 10:37Speaker 1: of something where I think it's this idea. It's the
- 10:40Speaker 1: same idea where we're very, very willing to accept violence
- 10:47Speaker 1: as a form of showing love or compassion or whatever,
- 10:52Speaker 1: especially this kind of masculine way of of being violent
- 10:58Speaker 1: and perhaps beings it off. It's just all daddy issues,
- 11:02Speaker 1: It is all of it. I mean, he's got like
- 11:06Speaker 1: a trigger loose where you're just trying to set me off. Sorry,
- 11:09Speaker 1: I'm sorry, and just like I'm not gonna lie. I
- 11:11Speaker 1: finished she Hulk last night, and I can come back
- 11:13Speaker 1: and talk about that. But she was right, she was right.
- 11:17Speaker 1: She wasn't And I actually did want to bring that
- 11:19Speaker 1: up because you and I both talked about how I
- 11:22Speaker 1: was kind of hesitant to say I liked it at
- 11:24Speaker 1: first because I had heard so many negative things about it.
- 11:27Speaker 1: So awesome, I don't understand it's it's it's very very fun,
- 11:32Speaker 1: it's very very new feeling. I feel like it did
- 11:36Speaker 1: a bunch of things where I was like, as a woman,
- 11:38Speaker 1: like yes, yes, yes, and then it definitely has his
- 11:41Speaker 1: problems and we are going to come back and talk
- 11:42Speaker 1: about it. But I was afraid to say I liked
- 11:44Speaker 1: it because I'd heard all these negative things about it.
- 11:47Speaker 1: I really thought was going to be one of the
- 11:48Speaker 1: worst shows ever. My expectations were. Lona came in and
- 11:52Speaker 1: both my partner and I, who he is a critic,
- 11:55Speaker 1: we're dying laughing throughout and getting all of the jokes
- 11:58Speaker 1: because it was so too real. It too real. Yes,
- 12:01Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I can't wait till we talked about I.
- 12:04Speaker 1: I wanted to bring it up in this conversation, because
- 12:06Speaker 1: I do think I have also heard mostly men, but
- 12:11Speaker 1: some women who feel much more comfortable being more vocal
- 12:15Speaker 1: about liking something that is masculine coded. And I would
- 12:18Speaker 1: say that Mandalorian is very masculine coded. And then isn't
- 12:22Speaker 1: the Mandalorian in itself kind of the beginning of like
- 12:26Speaker 1: the men who are like, yes, I've been waiting for
- 12:28Speaker 1: this bounty hunter to be the man who couldn't survive,
- 12:33Speaker 1: like he didn't survive on the damn movies, barely barely
- 12:37Speaker 1: survived in the Oh don't give me, oh my God,
- 12:40Speaker 1: don't get me started on both fit anyway. Yes, no,
- 12:44Speaker 1: that's exactly what I'm talking about, though. That's one of
- 12:46Speaker 1: the things like I really like the Mandalorian. I think
- 12:49Speaker 1: it's very enjoyable. But one of the things that never
- 12:51Speaker 1: really worked for me is I felt like they were
- 12:53Speaker 1: telegraphing too hard that he's the best, most amazing bounty
- 12:57Speaker 1: hunter river and I was like, but is he because
- 13:00Speaker 1: he keeps failing, especially he got back, but it makes
- 13:05Speaker 1: him an interesting character. There's nothing wrong with that, but
- 13:08Speaker 1: they were trying too hard to be like, he's this
- 13:10Speaker 1: Western guy, he's got no feelings he's so tough, like
- 13:14Speaker 1: they were just trying too hard to tell me who
- 13:18Speaker 1: he was instead of actually doing the work of showing
- 13:21Speaker 1: me who he is. And um, I have heard so
- 13:25Speaker 1: many men who I feel like when they tell me
- 13:29Speaker 1: why they like the Mandalorian, it's almost become a sort
- 13:32Speaker 1: of red flag for me, like nothing, you're wrong, which again,
- 13:35Speaker 1: I love the show. I love the show. I it's
- 13:39Speaker 1: just when I hear certain praise of it where I'm like,
- 13:42Speaker 1: I think you might be missing the point, which, as
- 13:45Speaker 1: you know, is one of my big critiques of New
- 13:47Speaker 1: Star Wars stuff, and especially how I think people misunderstood,
- 13:51Speaker 1: mostly men, the end of Return the Jedi. But I'll
- 13:53Speaker 1: just hear these guys talk about it like, oh, he
- 13:56Speaker 1: took off his mask. He's that means it's not worth watching,
- 13:58Speaker 1: Like I don't know that you're upholding the thing that
- 14:03Speaker 1: you should be upholding, which it sounds like it's very toxic.
- 14:06Speaker 1: Stoic masculinity doesn't give show any emotions, and when he does,
- 14:11Speaker 1: he should be so rewarded that he did. Right. Why yeah,
- 14:16Speaker 1: why are we giving accolades to someone who just finally
- 14:20Speaker 1: shows that they care so compassion and empathy should be
- 14:25Speaker 1: awarded if it's minimal, apparently, and if you're hostile and
- 14:29Speaker 1: abusive before and you change to have one inkling of it,
- 14:33Speaker 1: then you will now get a crown. Yes, And this
- 14:38Speaker 1: is not unique to the Mandalorian at all, Like we
- 14:40Speaker 1: see this all the time. I feel like this is
- 14:41Speaker 1: in romance all the time, of the woman who wears
- 14:44Speaker 1: the man down, because it's this level of this conversation
- 14:48Speaker 1: of women fighting for men to help them to become
- 14:51Speaker 1: the better man, and that's supposed to be the end
- 14:54Speaker 1: all instead of them just being good men, right, and
- 14:57Speaker 1: so heteronormative but very much so. And also like we
- 15:01Speaker 1: don't have time to talking about this today, but I
- 15:03Speaker 1: was thinking about that in terms of that means like
- 15:05Speaker 1: you could translate that to mean we still infantilize women
- 15:09Speaker 1: because we're putting them in this childish role of you know,
- 15:14Speaker 1: maybe it's a cute baby Yoda doing it, or maybe
- 15:18Speaker 1: it's like a young woman who's doing it, Like it's
- 15:21Speaker 1: very much this innocent character who brings this really stoic,
- 15:27Speaker 1: traumatized man out of his shell. And as we've talked
- 15:33Speaker 1: about before, like we have such different standards for women
- 15:36Speaker 1: in that role, Like if the Mandalorian was a woman,
- 15:40Speaker 1: there'd be way more judgments about her skills as a parent. Oh,
- 15:44Speaker 1: she sent him to fix an electric thing or whatever.
- 15:47Speaker 1: Wasn't there a whole thing with the woman Mantalorian who
- 15:50Speaker 1: came in and already had her mask off, like her
- 15:53Speaker 1: being too emotional? Yes? Yes, And I have a whole
- 15:59Speaker 1: I have a whole thing about like Jedi Vandalorian relationships
- 16:03Speaker 1: because I feel like Jedi really teachers and they've been
- 16:05Speaker 1: really feminized and the Mandalorians have been really mascinalized. Yeah,
- 16:10Speaker 1: but I guess who's still standing neither ones? So that
- 16:12Speaker 1: that is, I know, truth, truth painful. It's painful. Um.
- 16:19Speaker 1: There's also an interesting saying that Mandalorians have so gosh,
- 16:25Speaker 1: I have gone so deep down the rabbit hole. But
- 16:27Speaker 1: I know, like the mandalorin marriage vowels, okay, and they
- 16:30Speaker 1: are they were supposed to be married, supposed to be Mandalorians. Yeah,
- 16:33Speaker 1: oh yeah, Mandalorians are all about like and their according
- 16:36Speaker 1: rituals are all about combat and proving and like you're
- 16:39Speaker 1: so worthy. But they they're final phrase in their um
- 16:44Speaker 1: wedding vowels or we will raise warriors, and then they
- 16:48Speaker 1: have a saying like, no one judges you by your father,
- 16:50Speaker 1: only the father you will be, which I find really
- 16:53Speaker 1: interesting because also they're very hypocrital. They don't do that.
- 16:56Speaker 1: But again, going back to those daddy issues, I'm kind
- 16:59Speaker 1: of wondering if the people who like made this mythos
- 17:03Speaker 1: of the Mandalorians. I've said it before, I've said it
- 17:07Speaker 1: begin a suspect they might have had some true with
- 17:10Speaker 1: their parents, and you know, it could just be they
- 17:13Speaker 1: were trying to do a like a Darth Vader kind
- 17:16Speaker 1: of thing. But I don't think so. I don't maybe
- 17:19Speaker 1: I don't think so, though I will say we are
- 17:22Speaker 1: preparing while I've been preparing episodes on religious trauma outside
- 17:27Speaker 1: of family drama. Star Wars is a huge religious trauma
- 17:30Speaker 1: and Mandalorians, especially the Creed that the Mandalorian into jar
- 17:36Speaker 1: and follows, is very religious trauma that is oof oof um.
- 17:43Speaker 1: So there is that level of feeling like you know,
- 17:47Speaker 1: you've been raised in this system that's telling you you
- 17:50Speaker 1: can't show your face, you can't give your name, you
- 17:52Speaker 1: can't be your true self, which I think you could
- 17:55Speaker 1: make an argument about like the patriarchy and that will
- 17:59Speaker 1: I do it, yes, but not right now. I have
- 18:02Speaker 1: a note here that is telling me to stop getting
- 18:04Speaker 1: so mad. That is so funny I wrote it down.
- 18:12Speaker 1: I think it's because I know, I know, Star Wars
- 18:14Speaker 1: fans are really passionate and people have really strong opinions
- 18:16Speaker 1: about these things. I have very strong opinions about these things.
- 18:21Speaker 1: It often devolves into a Mandalorian versus Jedi thing, and
- 18:24Speaker 1: I'm trying not to do that right here, but oh
- 18:27Speaker 1: boy could I? Um, I don't think this means by
- 18:30Speaker 1: any any stretch that Mandalorians deserved what the Empire did
- 18:35Speaker 1: to them. That was very complicated. We talked about it
- 18:37Speaker 1: that in our Setine Crees episode kind of some of
- 18:41Speaker 1: the dynamics they are, and also Sabine Sebtine and Sabine different. Yes,
- 18:47Speaker 1: so if you if you want to check that out
- 18:49Speaker 1: for sure, Um, but I guess, like mostly I'm kind
- 18:54Speaker 1: of perplexed that those dudes said that to me. I
- 18:57Speaker 1: really was sort of shocked that that was their reason
- 18:59Speaker 1: they it, And like the entire show is that he
- 19:02Speaker 1: took off his helmet, And then I'm kind of annoyed
- 19:05Speaker 1: at the free pass we seem to give these you know,
- 19:11Speaker 1: sort of stoic men who might be nice sometimes compared
- 19:15Speaker 1: to women or I I don't know. Like again, I
- 19:19Speaker 1: like this, I really like that. I've written it, I've
- 19:22Speaker 1: read it, I get it. But we do seem as
- 19:25Speaker 1: as a society to be like, oh yeah, I love him.
- 19:28Speaker 1: I know he's kind of a jerk, but we don't
- 19:30Speaker 1: do that for a lot of other like women or
- 19:33Speaker 1: things like that. So those are my thoughts. I have
- 19:40Speaker 1: a lot I could keep. I will revisit this one day,
- 19:43Speaker 1: I'm sure. But I didn't get I'm gonna be so tit, Samantha.
- 19:51Speaker 1: I'm gonna be so tit the whole time. But yes,
- 19:54Speaker 1: I'm sure we will revisit it then. Um. In the meantime,
- 19:59Speaker 1: thank you for bearing with me and for listening. People
- 20:04Speaker 1: don't know. Cheers, cheers to you. Cheers yes, yes, yes.
- 20:11Speaker 1: If you would like to contact us with your your
- 20:13Speaker 1: thoughts about Mantalorians fan fictions, because wow, do people there's
- 20:20Speaker 1: a lot of fans in around Mandalorians, I'll tell you that. Um.
- 20:23Speaker 1: You can email us at stuff Eia Mom, stuff at
- 20:26Speaker 1: iHeart media dot com. You can find us on Twitter
- 20:28Speaker 1: at most of podcast or Instagram and stuff one never
- 20:30Speaker 1: told you. Thanks as always to our super producer Christina,
- 20:34Speaker 1: Thank you and thanks to you for listening stuff. Whenever
- 20:36Speaker 1: told you the protection of iHeart Radio for a podcast
- 20:38Speaker 1: in My Heart Radio, you can check out the I
- 20:40Speaker 1: radio app, Apple podcast or where you listen to your
- 20:42Speaker 1: favorite shows.