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When Parents Remarry · Let's Ask the Mamas!

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  We got a question for American mama's. Dear mamas, do you have any
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  advice for me? My mama is getting remarried and she's in her seventies.
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  Well, let's ask our American mamas. Alma Mama enjoining us now our American
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  mama's Terry Nediville and Kimberly Burleson. You know, there are a lot of
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  folks that are in gen X that are kind of at the situation where their
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  kids are old enough to have started getting either married or divorced, and their
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  parents are getting divorced or you know, they've had a spouse that's passed away
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  and they're getting remarried or something along those lines too. So you can kind
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  of see it on either end of this this equation. Have you you guys
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  have been through this. We've been through it. Yeah, we've been through
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  it. And in fact, just recently, I was at one of the
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  ball games I was at in Resting and I had a I mean, it's
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  somebody that we in our lives and she's about to be seventy this year and
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  she lost her husband I would say, three years ago, and she met
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  somebody or reacquainted herself with somebody at her fiftieth high school reunion. So they
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  reconnected. They hit it off. He's a handsome devil. He's so good
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  looking. She introduced him to me at the game and then she said to
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  me, you know, my kids are struggling. These are grown kids with
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  children on their own. And she said, they're struggling with this. And
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  she said, I understand, I mean, and I said, let me
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  tell you this because this is so true for me too. When Dad died,
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  he was the light of our world. I mean, he was everything,
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  and that's who we saw our mom with. So to see I was
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  a grown woman with grown children. And when she got remarried and I told
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  her, I said, Linda, I will say it's gonna take it just
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  takes a little time because we're so protective of that love. I mean,
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  we always saw was the other person on the other side of her kiss was
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  Dad. On the other side of her hand was dad. On the other
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  side of her love was dad. So to see her give affection love,
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  you know, holding hands with someone new is like it does. It takes
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  you back, no matter how old you are. My cousin's husband's going through
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  this right now. And when it's somebody else like when she told me who,
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  I was like, I'm so happy for you. So you know,
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  when you're on the outside, you're like, this is wonderful. This is
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  what John would have wanted is for you to love again. This is what
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  dad would have wanted for mom to love again, be loved. And I
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  said, but they will come around. They will see the way he treats
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  you. They will see you having light in your life and fun and they
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  will grow to love him. Because for me, in our situation, I
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  love Ralph. It took me a minute, as y'all know, for me
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  to maybe maybe more than just one, maybe maybe two, maybe too,
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  a couple of minutes for me to recognize that just because he came in the
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  picture doesn't take away from the love affair that she had with our father.
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  It doesn't take away from that love. It was a grand love, soulmate
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  love. So she has a next She's been fortunate to have two great loves
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  in her life. And it took me a little bit to get there because
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  I was sore. The little girl and me, well, it's so protective.
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  It's a selfish love. It's a selfish love because you're thinking about yourself,
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  no question, and so it's very hard for kids to get outside themselves
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  even as grown ups and think of their mother, think of their mother or
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  their father within a selfless way, because it's companionship that they want. It's
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  a lonely world to be by yourself. And it's okay to love again,
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  it's okay to have that person in your life to enjoy. But those kids
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  and those it's because they're still grieving. Because you don't ever get over the
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  loss of your parents. They're still grieving, right, and they just and
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  it's you're right. It's like they feel like it's gonna take the place of
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  that person that they love that died and it's not. And the other thing
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  is you're worried it's going to take time away. It's a selfish thing.
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  You're worried because you're thinking, aren't we enough in the grandkids? We keep
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  you busy, you come, are you still going to come to our stuff?
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  Because mom didn't for a while, you know, she was going through
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  home grief. And that's one thing that dad did love to do, is
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  come watch the sports with our children. So it's the loss of different things
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  that you're trying to deal with. So then to see her happy and content,
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  and you know, I can't help but think that what they are thinking
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  is, wait a minute, does she not miss him anymore? Does she
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  not love him anymore? Is she you know, is this guy going to
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  take her away from us and our family functions? And it does change the
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  dynamics when you're all together. The good thing about Ralph speaking from our situation,
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  Ralph doesn't mind us talking about our father. Now, if he was
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  one of those that was you know, hey, you know that's he's jealous,
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  that would be hard for me. But he asks questions. He'll say,
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  yeah, somebody asked about your dad, and you know he's also with
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  us. So that does, you know, take the place understanding too,
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  right? And so you know I had a friend that before she passed away,
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  she said, I don't want him to be with anybody else. I
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  don't want and I remember we laughed about it and I thought, yeah,
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  the earthly us, the human us were like, I don't want like if
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  I die, I want you to be miserable for the rest of your life.
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  It wants you to grieve for me. I want people to know you're
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  sad every day. You know. It's kind of that thing. But the
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  heavenly us when we're in heaven. The idea of our spouse not feeling that
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  love and not having that companionship would be sad. So I think the earthly
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  us is jealous the heavenly us. I think she got in heaven and she's
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  like, oh my gosh, no, I'm going to orchestrate it so you
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  can find someone else to love, because there is that you have to be
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  able to take yourself outside of that earthly self and put yourself in Heaven's side,
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  on Heaven's side, and think about that agape love right. And so
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  I think that that's kind of where you know, these where we are as
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  grown children. It's a little bit, like Kimberly said, selfish, But
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  then as it goes on, you understand and recognize the beauty of everyone.
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  There's enough room in your heart for everybody. If you like to ask for
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  American Mamas a question, go to our website American Gum Ready to Go,
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  Come slash moments and click on the ask The mo Thoma's button turned out of
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  the really bro listen, Thank you so much, Thank you