Latest / Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby / Screen Time for Kids: A Tech Insider’s Guide for Exhausted Parents | Rob LoCascio | Happiness | E530
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- 2:31Speaker 1: into today's episode.
- 2:38Speaker 2: You know, they're just people making stuff for our children
- 2:41Speaker 2: to be hooked on. It's like heroin dealers. You know,
- 2:44Speaker 2: it's instruct I look at them like drug dealers.
- 2:53Speaker 1: If you are a parent of a child over twelve
- 2:58Speaker 1: months old, I'm talking to you today because I know
- 3:03Speaker 1: that you are in the same terrible power struggle that
- 3:07Speaker 1: all parents are these days.
- 3:09Speaker 2: They have a mission and it's very contrary to the
- 3:12Speaker 2: mission we have as parents.
- 3:14Speaker 1: You are having ongoing battles with your child over screen time.
- 3:21Speaker 1: It can turn into a really terrible feeling interaction with
- 3:26Speaker 1: your kid where they are yelling, crying, having milkdowns, where
- 3:31Speaker 1: you're just trying to set healthy limits, and it can
- 3:34Speaker 1: feel absolutely paralyzing.
- 3:36Speaker 2: If I heard noises downstairs, I went downstairs and here
- 3:39Speaker 2: I see a kid him literally like this, three in
- 3:42Speaker 2: the morning.
- 3:43Speaker 1: So many parents are stuck in the situation. They don't
- 3:46Speaker 1: know what to do. And on this episode of Love,
- 3:50Speaker 1: Happiness and Success, we are talking about it with a
- 3:55Speaker 1: very special guest, Rob Locasio. He has spent many years
- 4:02Speaker 1: both developing some of these systems that we're all now
- 4:07Speaker 1: wrestling with, but he also has spent the last couple
- 4:10Speaker 1: of years of his life working on some of the solutions,
- 4:14Speaker 1: and he's here today to share his experiences and provide
- 4:19Speaker 1: you with some new perspective and direction for how to
- 4:23Speaker 1: create more balance in your home and in the lives
- 4:27Speaker 1: of the.
- 4:27Speaker 3: Children that you might be very worried about.
- 4:42Speaker 1: If this is your first time listening, I'm so glad
- 4:45Speaker 1: you're here. I'm doctor Lisa Marie Bobby, I'm your host.
- 4:48Speaker 1: I am also a licensed psychologist, a licensed marriage and
- 4:51Speaker 1: family therapist, and a board certified coach, and every week
- 4:54Speaker 1: on the show we are tackling all kinds of different
- 4:56Speaker 1: things that are touching on different dimensions of your life
- 5:00Speaker 1: to help you create more love, happiness, and success. And
- 5:04Speaker 1: today's topic is so near and dear to my heart.
- 5:07Speaker 1: I am, in addition to my professional role, the mom
- 5:11Speaker 1: of two kids, and this is an ongoing situation in
- 5:15Speaker 1: my own home and more oftenly, I'm more commonly I'm
- 5:19Speaker 1: talking to so many of my clients who are parents
- 5:21Speaker 1: around this deep anxiety and the sense of helplessness. And
- 5:26Speaker 1: so I'm so excited to crack into this topic today
- 5:29Speaker 1: with Rob Locasio. As I mentioned, he is been in
- 5:34Speaker 1: this space for a long time, founder, former CEO of
- 5:37Speaker 1: Live Person, a company that helped pioneer a lot of
- 5:40Speaker 1: the technology that's behind digital engagement, and now on a
- 5:44Speaker 1: new mission with his organization, Kid Company, which is seeking
- 5:49Speaker 1: to correct some of this and give parents new tools.
- 5:52Speaker 1: So Rob, I'm so happy to talk with you personally
- 5:56Speaker 1: and professionally. Honestly, thanks for having me on the podcast
- 5:59Speaker 1: on Yeah Wow. Okay, So there's so much to unpack here,
- 6:04Speaker 1: but can we first just mention to our listeners in
- 6:08Speaker 1: cases becomes obvious at some point in our conversation that
- 6:11Speaker 1: you are the father of three. So in addition to
- 6:15Speaker 1: building new systems, you are like living in your own
- 6:19Speaker 1: life experience. And we may have a special guest who
- 6:23Speaker 1: has come to work with you today, popping in and
- 6:26Speaker 1: out of here from five to time. So hello Leonardo. Yay, Okay, Well,
- 6:31Speaker 1: so Rob, I mean, why don't you just start with
- 6:34Speaker 1: the story. I mean, you were one of the architects
- 6:39Speaker 1: of this new reality we're all experiencing starting in the nineties.
- 6:44Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, So I was the inventor on web chat
- 6:51Speaker 2: on websites, and I created that in making ninety seven,
- 6:55Speaker 2: and I built this company called live person, which pret
- 6:58Speaker 2: big company. It was a public company in three thousand employees,
- 7:01Speaker 2: and we powered all the conversational AI experiences for when
- 7:06Speaker 2: you went to City Bank and American Express and chatted
- 7:08Speaker 2: or message or cult.
- 7:09Speaker 1: So I say, it's all your fault, basically, Okay, now
- 7:12Speaker 1: we know who to blame, you know.
- 7:14Speaker 2: And now it's AI AI so like, and I guess
- 7:18Speaker 2: I'm a godfather of this technology and uh and seeing
- 7:22Speaker 2: where it's going today.
- 7:24Speaker 1: Okay, So then monsters were created. We have algorithms and
- 7:31Speaker 1: all these digital experiences that are very compelling. I mean,
- 7:35Speaker 1: many grown adults get down all kinds of rabbit holes
- 7:38Speaker 1: and and children are so vulnerable.
- 7:42Speaker 2: That's correct, And that's the thing. What I found having
- 7:45Speaker 2: young kids is that there's an external force that's approaching
- 7:51Speaker 2: our children, engaging with our children through our devices, and
- 7:55Speaker 2: these are strangers. And where it all boils down to
- 7:59Speaker 2: is our value systems as parents and a family. We
- 8:02Speaker 2: have values, and what you find is you're in competition
- 8:06Speaker 2: with other people's values and they're better at it, like
- 8:10Speaker 2: as in, we're really good as parents with our children,
- 8:14Speaker 2: but they're they're out there creating a way to engage
- 8:18Speaker 2: our children through devices and content to addict them. And
- 8:24Speaker 2: the thing is on our side, as you know, as
- 8:25Speaker 2: a parent, our whole mission is to make sure our
- 8:27Speaker 2: children are safe. That's our number one thing. And on
- 8:30Speaker 2: the other side, there's no regard to safety for our children.
- 8:34Speaker 2: It's all about can I get them to scroll? I
- 8:36Speaker 2: don't care if they're addicted. I don't care if they're
- 8:38Speaker 2: losing their minds, if they say bad words, if I
- 8:42Speaker 2: feed them stuff for their reptile brain, that's cool. And
- 8:46Speaker 2: on our side of like we're doing everything, but that
- 8:48Speaker 2: you know, we want to love and nourish and grow
- 8:50Speaker 2: our children and be there for them. So there's a conflict,
- 8:54Speaker 2: But it's not the device. I'm sorry. I try to
- 8:55Speaker 2: tell me. It's not about the device itself. On the
- 8:58Speaker 2: other side, there's a group of people who or not
- 9:00Speaker 2: in alignment to a normal parent. I don't think know
- 9:02Speaker 2: if they are parents. You know, they're just people making
- 9:05Speaker 2: stuff for our children to be hooked on. It's like
- 9:08Speaker 2: heroin dealers, you know, it's drug I look at them
- 9:11Speaker 2: like drug dealers. They have a mission and it's very
- 9:14Speaker 2: contrary to the mission we have as parents right well.
- 9:18Speaker 1: And I mean, you know, for me, this has been
- 9:22Speaker 1: such a battle at some points. And I think part
- 9:27Speaker 1: of it too is there's differing information around how much
- 9:34Speaker 1: is too much and how bad is it for kids? Really?
- 9:38Speaker 1: And then on the other side, I think another reality
- 9:41Speaker 1: for parents that we all experience living through the pandemic especially,
- 9:45Speaker 1: is that to have a kid occupied with something that's
- 9:48Speaker 1: holding their attention and sometimes they're playing with friends online
- 9:52Speaker 1: and doing you know, like so it's a multi dimensional
- 9:55Speaker 1: experience that can be confusing for parents to like make decisions.
- 10:01Speaker 1: But I'm wondering if it's okay to ask, can you
- 10:05Speaker 1: share examples of maybe your own life, father of three,
- 10:09Speaker 1: where you've struggled with some of this yourself, and how you,
- 10:14Speaker 1: with the knowledge and the history that you have, have
- 10:19Speaker 1: started to understand ways to handle this more effectively.
- 10:24Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, you know. It starts with like observing that
- 10:29Speaker 2: the children they I think you first have to think
- 10:33Speaker 2: of it. So I tell people, like, think of devices
- 10:37Speaker 2: like homework. We're used to handing into them and letting
- 10:41Speaker 2: them go away so we can get like a break
- 10:43Speaker 2: in our day. That's really what these things are for
- 10:46Speaker 2: us as parents.
- 10:46Speaker 1: I mean that's valid. I like, yeah, literally I have
- 10:50Speaker 1: literally done that.
- 10:51Speaker 2: That's we've all done it. And that's it's like, oh
- 10:53Speaker 2: I eat something I got because we got we got
- 10:54Speaker 2: busy lives, and we don't treat it like I'd say,
- 10:57Speaker 2: treated like homework. Like when I'm with my children, I
- 11:01Speaker 2: sit with them and help them do their homework and
- 11:03Speaker 2: I'll be with them and it's a connective experience. If
- 11:06Speaker 2: you think about and I'm pointing a figure out myself,
- 11:09Speaker 2: by the way, so if you think about being a parent,
- 11:12Speaker 2: like it's hard and it's hard to have these very
- 11:15Speaker 2: connected relationships with them because I'm at work, they're at
- 11:18Speaker 2: school for a home eating, got to get into bed,
- 11:21Speaker 2: they got to do homework in the morning. It's a
- 11:23Speaker 2: rush like you wake up, you know, like it's all
- 11:26Speaker 2: what giant rush until the weekend when we get some
- 11:29Speaker 2: real time with them. So that whole thing about like
- 11:32Speaker 2: five days a week, it's this whole blur. And so
- 11:37Speaker 2: and then the device is just another part of the blur.
- 11:40Speaker 2: And the thing is with this, I think we have
- 11:42Speaker 2: to spend time with them, like like homework. What are
- 11:46Speaker 2: we doing with the device? In our case, we made
- 11:48Speaker 2: a whole new device, so we took out a lot
- 11:51Speaker 2: of there's no no one trying to serve them something bad.
- 11:54Speaker 2: But bottom line is, I think it's about thinking about
- 11:58Speaker 2: like homework, the idea of what the device is there for.
- 12:02Speaker 2: It's not about distraction disconnection. It's about connection and community.
- 12:08Speaker 2: So that that's kind of why I try to reframe
- 12:10Speaker 2: things even in my family.
- 12:12Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, and so what are what are some examples
- 12:16Speaker 1: of things that that you have come across and also
- 12:19Speaker 1: you know that that research supports are examples of disconnection
- 12:25Speaker 1: or things that kids are doing or being exposed to
- 12:28Speaker 1: that are like objectively harmful, like with my own So
- 12:37Speaker 1: I have sat with my kids sometimes and like YouTube shorts,
- 12:41Speaker 1: even if it is like kid appropriate stuff like what
- 12:44Speaker 1: is this that like whole brain rat concept, And if
- 12:48Speaker 1: we're not careful, she'll do that for hours, like and
- 12:51Speaker 1: it's a fight to make her stop. Sometimes.
- 12:54Speaker 2: Yeah, and my suddenly or or he just went outside,
- 12:58Speaker 2: but harder would him. A couple of years ago where
- 13:01Speaker 2: it was like three o'clock in the morning and I
- 13:04Speaker 2: heard I was coming backroom, I heard noises downstairs. I
- 13:07Speaker 2: went downstairs and here I see a kid him. I
- 13:10Speaker 2: had literally like this three in the morning.
- 13:13Speaker 1: Yeah, he woke up and my daughter did that once,
- 13:15Speaker 1: right and you know you yeah.
- 13:17Speaker 2: And I'm look here, I said, what are you doing?
- 13:20Speaker 2: And he had no clue, Like he didn't know where
- 13:23Speaker 2: he was. He didn't know it was three o'clock in
- 13:25Speaker 2: the morning. He went up to the throw in his
- 13:27Speaker 2: mind went straight to where's the iPad? I mean, it's
- 13:30Speaker 2: it's an addiction. So as a that kind of gave
- 13:34Speaker 2: me a red flight. Then I decided to I think
- 13:36Speaker 2: one of the things is like you did it too.
- 13:38Speaker 2: If you're from Afar and you don't look at what
- 13:40Speaker 2: saw that screen. If you look from a farm, it's like, oh,
- 13:42Speaker 2: cartoons and people laughing, it's YouTube kids that it's young
- 13:46Speaker 2: people throwing you know, watermelons. No, if you really look in,
- 13:50Speaker 2: what you're gonna see is there's a lot of violence
- 13:53Speaker 2: in there. Like kids hit each other, they curse, they
- 13:57Speaker 2: do things. It's it's a term and they but it's
- 14:00Speaker 2: all around laughter. They create away like I can, I can.
- 14:05Speaker 2: So it touches the reptile brain of a human like
- 14:07Speaker 2: I'm slappy, I'm hitting it. But it's funny. So what
- 14:10Speaker 2: I started to see is my kids laughing at things
- 14:13Speaker 2: that like, as an adult with that look like that's
- 14:17Speaker 2: not funny. Like so they start to think doing this
- 14:20Speaker 2: behavior is funny. So as if you really get into
- 14:24Speaker 2: what's inside that content, you'll see they mask it. So
- 14:28Speaker 2: from afar, you're like, oh, it's okay. But when you
- 14:31Speaker 2: really just sit there and watch video after video after
- 14:33Speaker 2: video and watch the full videos, a lot of stuff.
- 14:36Speaker 2: They do stuff in the end, they throw things in
- 14:38Speaker 2: the middle. They're really clever on it. It's like it's
- 14:41Speaker 2: really addiction because it's like a you know, it's like
- 14:44Speaker 2: I guess getting hooked to drugs is like it starts
- 14:46Speaker 2: like little things, I guess, you know, and then it
- 14:49Speaker 2: becomes an addiction, it becomes a habit, and they're throwing
- 14:52Speaker 2: little things in there that you can't see as a parent,
- 14:55Speaker 2: but it's developing a habit with your pick with your kids.
- 14:57Speaker 2: And we see it because we see the dum scrawling,
- 15:00Speaker 2: we see the bad behavior. I mean, my four year
- 15:02Speaker 2: old he cursed, He said the F word once and
- 15:05Speaker 2: he didn't know what it even was. But they were
- 15:08Speaker 2: making a joke and said that's often funny and they
- 15:10Speaker 2: laughed and he's like, oh, and he saw them laugh
- 15:13Speaker 2: so loud that he thought, wow, if you say the
- 15:15Speaker 2: F word, who have led to a joke?
- 15:18Speaker 1: You know?
- 15:19Speaker 2: Funny?
- 15:20Speaker 1: Right?
- 15:20Speaker 2: So none of this is funny? And do you? And
- 15:23Speaker 2: I did what YouTube did during from my understanding, during
- 15:25Speaker 2: the pandemic, just open it up because they had kids
- 15:28Speaker 2: in demand wanting content being at home, and they had
- 15:31Speaker 2: to open up the algorithm to allow a lot more
- 15:35Speaker 2: content in a lot of a little more bad context.
- 15:38Speaker 2: I understands pre COVID the content was more regulated by
- 15:42Speaker 2: YouTube and YouTube kids interesting.
- 15:46Speaker 1: Yeah, well, and I don't know if you've come across
- 15:49Speaker 1: any research on this part either. But you know, one
- 15:52Speaker 1: of the things that I've noticed with my own daughter
- 15:56Speaker 1: and also have heard from client, you know, couples who
- 16:01Speaker 1: are trying to figure out, like how do we create
- 16:03Speaker 1: some I don't I don't know if rules is the
- 16:07Speaker 1: right word, like the family policies around this because of
- 16:13Speaker 1: the addictive part. And when I use the word addictive
- 16:18Speaker 1: to me, it is a in the emotionally functional sense
- 16:24Speaker 1: that when people develop attachments to substances or process addictions,
- 16:29Speaker 1: there's a part of it that becomes functional in that
- 16:32Speaker 1: they are using it to regulate their mood. And what
- 16:36Speaker 1: I have seen in my own life is that my
- 16:38Speaker 1: daughter gets upset or just regulated in some way and
- 16:42Speaker 1: she starts asking for the iPad that it's almost like
- 16:45Speaker 1: the self soothing kind of function that's happened. And I
- 16:49Speaker 1: mean there's more there. Obviously, she'll come and ask for
- 16:51Speaker 1: a hug, and she'll want cuddles and all these things.
- 16:53Speaker 1: But like, I think that's the part that worries me,
- 16:56Speaker 1: and the like the craving, the wanting to go back
- 17:00Speaker 1: over and over again in place of other things like
- 17:07Speaker 1: playing outside or drawing or reading. Right, there's this gravitation
- 17:12Speaker 1: towards this this like reward dopamine hits.
- 17:18Speaker 2: You know, Hey wrote that book too. We've all read it.
- 17:21Speaker 2: The Anxious Generation came out last year and if you're
- 17:25Speaker 2: a parent, you ever read it. It's really a great book.
- 17:27Speaker 2: And he took a very scientific He did a lot
- 17:30Speaker 2: of studying of the device and then the content. And actually,
- 17:34Speaker 2: which is really interesting is that the device itself when iPhone,
- 17:38Speaker 2: when Apple put the front camera in that he could
- 17:40Speaker 2: do selfies, depression and suicides and children globally went straight up.
- 17:46Speaker 1: No kidding, I did not know that.
- 17:48Speaker 2: We'll have to look at this at the book is
- 17:50Speaker 2: so fascinat because we always blame social media and at
- 17:53Speaker 2: least like it's so this is why when my company
- 17:56Speaker 2: I created device, because the device has Apple has created
- 18:01Speaker 2: features and Android two and as Samsung website, as they've
- 18:06Speaker 2: added features in, everyone takes advantage of it. And if
- 18:10Speaker 2: they never put the front camera and he showed it
- 18:11Speaker 2: the camera as people started to do these selfies, suicide
- 18:15Speaker 2: and depression and childrens and it was because it was
- 18:17Speaker 2: global as a pretment.
- 18:18Speaker 1: But what what what do you make of that like
- 18:20Speaker 1: front cameras, what is the correlation between that and suicidality
- 18:24Speaker 1: were because I did not read that book. So just
- 18:26Speaker 1: what what is the meaning being made of that? Because
- 18:29Speaker 1: what do you.
- 18:29Speaker 2: Say is like it's all like a reflective mirror, like
- 18:32Speaker 2: I'm doing something. I'm here a lot of I I
- 18:35Speaker 2: I will post kids are posting that. And there was
- 18:38Speaker 2: this whole now world of where look at me, look
- 18:42Speaker 2: at how fabuus I am? Look where I am? I'm
- 18:44Speaker 2: at a party. It was like it took some effort
- 18:46Speaker 2: to like with the cameras handed to someone take a picture,
- 18:50Speaker 2: but they showed when just the front camera came on,
- 18:53Speaker 2: they created a lot more content in the world. Okay,
- 18:56Speaker 2: well their hands could create a lot more, a lot
- 18:58Speaker 2: more on somewhere you're not. It's a lot of honest
- 19:01Speaker 2: somewhere we think about even for like adults, you see
- 19:05Speaker 2: it like it's all about I'm somewhere then you're not.
- 19:09Speaker 2: I'm I'm somewhere fabulous, and you're not I'm some right,
- 19:12Speaker 2: And and that's the kids are seeing that, you know.
- 19:15Speaker 2: And now if you do it in a much more,
- 19:17Speaker 2: you know, easier way, like it's easy to do this
- 19:19Speaker 2: versus someone's got to Okay, but that you read that book,
- 19:23Speaker 2: you see a true by feature got put into the
- 19:26Speaker 2: actual physical device. Is when we saw teenagers and all
- 19:30Speaker 2: do we see the spike in depression? We see all
- 19:33Speaker 2: ends a hockey stick as the features and obviously behind
- 19:36Speaker 2: that was so media. So it was like on Facebook
- 19:39Speaker 2: adopting it. Right, then there's Instagram they adopted the utilization
- 19:43Speaker 2: of these features. So you know, this is it's a
- 19:47Speaker 2: very you know, it's a pack between the hardware and
- 19:51Speaker 2: the platform companies to think about how do we use
- 19:55Speaker 2: this technology to tap into this this way of uh,
- 20:00Speaker 2: whether it's soothing a kid, it's it's it's addiction, and
- 20:04Speaker 2: I don't know how else to put it, you know,
- 20:06Speaker 2: like you're saying people use for certain reasons. Yeah, and children.
- 20:12Speaker 2: The problem with children is like they don't know any better.
- 20:16Speaker 2: Oh yeah, if I hand my kid a knife or
- 20:19Speaker 2: I hand my kid a gun, there's a high probability
- 20:22Speaker 2: is going to shoot himself for shoot some letting killed.
- 20:24Speaker 2: Like they don't understand. Yeah, yeah, you know that if
- 20:27Speaker 2: I hear they need to be protected, right protect They
- 20:29Speaker 2: don't have the wherewithal to know what's going on. And
- 20:35Speaker 2: so I when I found really fascinating, I think as
- 20:38Speaker 2: a parent, you'll For as much as I think my
- 20:41Speaker 2: iPhone is good, it's great utility into do emails and traveling.
- 20:46Speaker 2: I get that, but right what I hand through my children,
- 20:49Speaker 2: I feel like I've lost emotional shift. I feel like
- 20:54Speaker 2: I'm just doing this temporary. Yeah, I want it back.
- 20:59Speaker 2: I know this is not good for them, but I'm
- 21:01Speaker 2: I'm just going And how could it be that on
- 21:03Speaker 2: my side when I'm using it as tell I'm okay.
- 21:06Speaker 2: When I had to that, I feel like got lost.
- 21:08Speaker 2: I've lost.
- 21:10Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, that it feels kind of I've had that
- 21:13Speaker 1: moment too, and you know, I think it's so hard.
- 21:18Speaker 1: You know, it's there are so many reasons why parents
- 21:23Speaker 1: can make that choice, but like there's this guilt that
- 21:26Speaker 1: comes from like this. It feels like you're doing the
- 21:29Speaker 1: wrong thing in that moment. And I mean, really, when
- 21:33Speaker 1: you really think at it, it's this. Your child is
- 21:37Speaker 1: being exposed to this intentionally manipulative digital environment that is
- 21:46Speaker 1: designed to stimulate their brains in certain ways, that is
- 21:49Speaker 1: sucking them into this vortex. We know it's addictive and
- 21:53Speaker 1: you know, participating in it anyway, and so that feels terrible.
- 21:58Speaker 1: Sot me just ask you. I mean, based on what
- 22:02Speaker 1: you've learned. Have you seen examples of parents or families
- 22:08Speaker 1: that are able to coexist with this and have there
- 22:13Speaker 1: be a place in their lives for kids participating in
- 22:19Speaker 1: a more open source, I guess digital environment. I know
- 22:24Speaker 1: one of your solutions is creating a separate device, and
- 22:28Speaker 1: we can talk more about that, but I'm curious to
- 22:30Speaker 1: know if there are places or in the digital landscape
- 22:35Speaker 1: or practices that families could do that feel healthier and
- 22:39Speaker 1: so like right now I'm thinking about you know, roadblocks,
- 22:42Speaker 1: and I've seen some sketchy things on roadblocks, but have
- 22:44Speaker 1: also seen my kids like they having relationships with other
- 22:49Speaker 1: kids on roadblocks. Now, I know that opens up a
- 22:51Speaker 1: whole new door, like are they kids and they're.
- 22:53Speaker 4: Doing like age verification now and all of that, But
- 22:56Speaker 4: even for our son who's older, I mean, maintain painting
- 23:00Speaker 4: relationships with people through games that they're playing online.
- 23:05Speaker 1: I mean, I have seen some wonderful educational content. And
- 23:08Speaker 1: I guess I would love to hear your thoughts about
- 23:11Speaker 1: what this can look like when it's okay or do
- 23:17Speaker 1: you think it's like now, it's it's too addictive, it's
- 23:19Speaker 1: too powerful.
- 23:21Speaker 2: Yeah, And I've talked for a lot of parents because
- 23:23Speaker 2: the company that built there is the spectrum of no
- 23:27Speaker 2: Internet at all, you know what I'm saying, and no
- 23:29Speaker 2: devices and nothing. Yeah, I'm a total rejection. And then
- 23:33Speaker 2: there's the you know where a lot of parents are,
- 23:36Speaker 2: which is just kind of a I'd say, like I'm saying,
- 23:39Speaker 2: you're passively engaged in your children, so you're handing them
- 23:42Speaker 2: a device and right, and then in the middle there's
- 23:45Speaker 2: somewhere where you're downloading the right type of apps that
- 23:49Speaker 2: are more educational and stuff like that. But it's a
- 23:54Speaker 2: fight because the device and the and the content behind
- 24:01Speaker 2: it was never made for that world. You know, I
- 24:07Speaker 2: go back, I'll be a little dramatic, like if you
- 24:10Speaker 2: don't walk into her crackhouse and call it her nursery.
- 24:14Speaker 2: So it is what it is, like they like, we
- 24:17Speaker 2: know the stories, like you know, Steve Jobs never let
- 24:19Speaker 2: his kids know. And I've talked to YouTube executives, by
- 24:24Speaker 2: the way, who don't let their kids use YouTube.
- 24:27Speaker 1: That's interesting.
- 24:28Speaker 2: I had a call with whether senior executives on the
- 24:31Speaker 2: kids sides. I only let my kids watch, I don't
- 24:33Speaker 2: let them scroll, So it's very ange. I don't like.
- 24:36Speaker 2: Even the CEO said that. A couple of weeks ago,
- 24:39Speaker 2: I saw Neil Patel. He was talking about the same thing.
- 24:43Speaker 2: He's like, he doesn't let his kids. He regulates the
- 24:46Speaker 2: use of the technology that he's providing to the wall.
- 24:49Speaker 2: So the problem is, I think it's a constant battle,
- 24:53Speaker 2: and I haven't seen any parent that I've talked to
- 24:57Speaker 2: many that have won the battle.
- 24:59Speaker 1: Yeah, time to talk about success. If you have a
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- 27:35Speaker 1: slash lhs. Okay, so this is interesting and I just
- 27:45Speaker 1: want to crack into a little bit further. So you're
- 27:47Speaker 1: saying that the designers of these systems, the YouTube executives
- 27:51Speaker 1: who are making these things available to our kids, are
- 27:54Speaker 1: not letting their own kids participate in it.
- 27:57Speaker 2: Why why they have to do? You know, like they're
- 28:01Speaker 2: looking at the data and they see what's happening, they
- 28:03Speaker 2: see the scroll, they know the content that actually works
- 28:08Speaker 2: really well. I was at a big influencer conference in
- 28:11Speaker 2: Dubai a couple of weeks ago. Was speaking there and
- 28:14Speaker 2: uh it was you know, forty thousand of these people
- 28:17Speaker 2: were there and they all they and I went to
- 28:19Speaker 2: I went to a lot of lectures on how do
- 28:21Speaker 2: you get people to engage in content? And it's it's
- 28:26Speaker 2: it's interesting, you know, like what are all the ways
- 28:29Speaker 2: in which you can trick people? To trick them? But
- 28:33Speaker 2: it's like you're playing into these these parts of people's
- 28:36Speaker 2: brains and the whole industry. I mean it was like
- 28:39Speaker 2: lecture after one lecture about how do you make the
- 28:42Speaker 2: opening screen and how do you do the video, and
- 28:45Speaker 2: how do you do the tech? And it's all about engagement.
- 28:48Speaker 2: And it did come to like there was no conversation
- 28:51Speaker 2: about like the healthy engagement of content. It was all like,
- 28:53Speaker 2: how can you play into a person's like you know,
- 28:57Speaker 2: their brains and hit to them so they'll put in
- 29:02Speaker 2: a few minutes or a few seconds of focus on
- 29:05Speaker 2: your content. And so the whole and where does that
- 29:08Speaker 2: come from? It comes from YouTube and these companies, whether
- 29:12Speaker 2: it's you know, Facebook or YouTube, they built the platforms
- 29:16Speaker 2: to do things. You know what's the funniest thing about
- 29:18Speaker 2: these people?
- 29:19Speaker 5: Tell me?
- 29:20Speaker 2: I couldn't believe the funny thing about them. Every every
- 29:23Speaker 2: session I sat in, they talked about burnout. That the
- 29:28Speaker 2: people who are making the content are burning out because
- 29:31Speaker 2: they have the algorithm forces them to make two or
- 29:34Speaker 2: three or four things a day. And even if they
- 29:36Speaker 2: take a vacation and they don't make content for the week,
- 29:39Speaker 2: the algorithm they drop them off. And so they they
- 29:42Speaker 2: are whole. I can feel the pressure their whole living.
- 29:44Speaker 2: If they make one hundred grand a year or fifty grand,
- 29:47Speaker 2: whatever they're doing to make a living, it's it's like
- 29:50Speaker 2: they're on a hamster wheel of making this content and
- 29:53Speaker 2: then if their content, you know, against click on, they
- 29:56Speaker 2: stay in business. But these people's livelihoods and because under
- 30:00Speaker 2: that is you two at Facebook creating these algorithms that
- 30:05Speaker 2: makes everyone in the game of get people addicted. It's
- 30:10Speaker 2: an addiction. It's all about addiction because that's what you see,
- 30:14Speaker 2: and it's very flipid and everyone's under stress. The whole
- 30:18Speaker 2: I saw, the whole cycle is that people created and
- 30:21Speaker 2: under that of these big tech companies that are sitting
- 30:23Speaker 2: there manipulating the algorithms and forcing the whole cycle to happen.
- 30:28Speaker 2: And we're on the other bottery we gotta we gotta go.
- 30:32Speaker 2: Is that there are twenty million creators in the world.
- 30:36Speaker 2: The competition they each need to make a dollar or
- 30:40Speaker 2: a euro or whatever that may, so that the competition
- 30:42Speaker 2: to create things that get us to and the best
- 30:45Speaker 2: way to do that is create content that plays into,
- 30:49Speaker 2: you know, the most base level of human emotions, you know, hate.
- 30:54Speaker 1: You know, yeah, sex, thinking, they're a whole porn situation,
- 30:59Speaker 1: especially with I mean sometimes young kids, which is very concerning.
- 31:04Speaker 1: That's like a whole other dimension of this, you know, it's.
- 31:07Speaker 2: The reptile ring, like fake the reptile brain and break
- 31:09Speaker 2: it out. It's the basic human emotion, you know, fear, greed, sex,
- 31:14Speaker 2: all that stuff, and then play into that and you're
- 31:17Speaker 2: good to go. So we think because it's YouTube kids
- 31:22Speaker 2: and should be not playing into that, but it is
- 31:24Speaker 2: playing into that. It's it's like it's kinney porn. It
- 31:27Speaker 2: just doesn't look like say like maybe don't naked people there,
- 31:31Speaker 2: but there's very seductive things for kids. You know. It's
- 31:35Speaker 2: like if you look. So I'm just saying, like the
- 31:38Speaker 2: machine itself. Unfortunately, I don't know, I haven't seen many
- 31:42Speaker 2: parents that have battled it like oh it health relationship.
- 31:45Speaker 1: Well, but you know what's so interesting and I really
- 31:48Speaker 1: appreciate your taking us all behind the scenes, I mean
- 31:51Speaker 1: from your experience is like at this conference and what
- 31:56Speaker 1: I mean, what you're saying is is just like we
- 31:59Speaker 1: know this, but really to hear you say it, there's
- 32:01Speaker 1: this whole economy that is dependent on all of these
- 32:07Speaker 1: creators and it really is quite cutthroat and almost the
- 32:11Speaker 1: way you described it, like the desperation of all of
- 32:13Speaker 1: these content creators to be seen, just a visible to
- 32:17Speaker 1: get one more click one more scroll, and that it's
- 32:21Speaker 1: attached to their survival and so they will do I mean,
- 32:28Speaker 1: I mean, this will sound hyperbolic. I was about to
- 32:30Speaker 1: say anything, okay, that anything to like just you know,
- 32:34Speaker 1: stay there visible, one more click, one more scroll when
- 32:37Speaker 1: more watched, you know, their own burning out. I mean,
- 32:39Speaker 1: I've seen things where content creators are developing these elaborate
- 32:44Speaker 1: AI based content generation machines and they're not even making
- 32:48Speaker 1: the content. All this stuff is kind of churning it
- 32:50Speaker 1: out for them, so they're like disconnected. But then we
- 32:53Speaker 1: have these little like six year old children getting sucked
- 32:56Speaker 1: into the vortex and that it is so powerful and
- 33:01Speaker 1: intentionally so and it's almost impossible to fight in some ways.
- 33:07Speaker 1: It's like going into a crackhouse and.
- 33:09Speaker 2: I you know, because I went, I've been, I had
- 33:12Speaker 2: to go go. I understand, I'm talking talk about first principles.
- 33:15Speaker 2: I want to yeah, all this right, yeah, and what
- 33:18Speaker 2: I've seen and I'll take it to the adult level.
- 33:22Speaker 2: There is no reality. I can tell you that there
- 33:25Speaker 2: is no reality more.
- 33:29Speaker 1: You've been hanging out with a dalai lama, by the way,
- 33:32Speaker 1: so like this this could get this very existential. There
- 33:37Speaker 1: is no reality Okay, I.
- 33:38Speaker 2: Gotta tell you, and I'll I can give you examples
- 33:40Speaker 2: that I will. But based on think of this, there
- 33:44Speaker 2: are twenty million of them in the world who have
- 33:47Speaker 2: to make content to make some sort of living, whether
- 33:49Speaker 2: it's five dollars a day or it's like the mister Beasts,
- 33:53Speaker 2: which is one hundreds of millions of dollars a year. Right,
- 33:55Speaker 2: he's yeah, Stack and the Andrew Hooper wants and those guys, right,
- 33:58Speaker 2: but go all the way down. There's twenty million of
- 34:00Speaker 2: them globally or making content, either getting paid to make content,
- 34:04Speaker 2: or they just make content to get advertising around you
- 34:08Speaker 2: like there are companies that pay creators to create content
- 34:11Speaker 2: because they don't want to make Okay, there's three million
- 34:14Speaker 2: podcasters like yourself here we are, yes, right, there's another
- 34:19Speaker 2: When you look at top, there's eighty thousand legitimate news
- 34:24Speaker 2: organizations in the world. Think of all the layers of
- 34:27Speaker 2: all those people who need content to stay alive. Now
- 34:31Speaker 2: you're doing this as an extra thing on business that
- 34:34Speaker 2: you have that's legitimate. There are people whose whole life
- 34:37Speaker 2: is just this. If they don't keep this going that
- 34:40Speaker 2: machine and they don't get clicks and views, then they
- 34:43Speaker 2: actually don't make money, like you're doing something to provide
- 34:47Speaker 2: value to your clients. But this is also valuable. But Matt,
- 34:51Speaker 2: this was it and this could be it now you
- 34:54Speaker 2: may have this content or you may realize the only
- 34:57Speaker 2: way to get people viewing is by having a little
- 34:59Speaker 2: edge on it.
- 35:00Speaker 5: M hmm.
- 35:01Speaker 1: I've been told to be more dramatic, but yeah, the.
- 35:05Speaker 2: Joe Rotan stuff, the well, not judging any of it,
- 35:08Speaker 2: but the more about the conspiracy and the instant reptail,
- 35:12Speaker 2: right yea. From that for a second, I'm gonna give
- 35:16Speaker 2: you an example, like they'll be interesting. I like, there's
- 35:20Speaker 2: been this conversation about the AI and Ball. I don't
- 35:22Speaker 2: know if you're wearing this card, like is it AI bubble?
- 35:24Speaker 2: And all these valuations are too big if you if
- 35:28Speaker 2: you look at the data and I I have a
- 35:30Speaker 2: tool that was the social media and all the all
- 35:33Speaker 2: the stuff's happening in burned media and newspapers, podcasts, they're
- 35:39Speaker 2: like about six months ago, all of a sudden, you
- 35:42Speaker 2: see this rise in conversation around that topic AI and
- 35:46Speaker 2: Ball okay, and it's it's And I looked at the
- 35:50Speaker 2: top people where it's starting from them, like is it
- 35:53Speaker 2: c NBC because eventually got the CNBC saying and these
- 35:56Speaker 2: companies are value Microsoft. No, it's like there's YouTube channels
- 36:01Speaker 2: which are faceless. Really, they don't have a person. They
- 36:04Speaker 2: just have an icon in a name. It's not even
- 36:06Speaker 2: a person's name. And this person has millions of views
- 36:11Speaker 2: on a piece of content around the AI bubble, and
- 36:15Speaker 2: you'll see a lot what you see is all these
- 36:18Speaker 2: nondescript people engaged in that. Then what's happening is that
- 36:23Speaker 2: everyone's looking at the trend like where, oh wow, that
- 36:26Speaker 2: person got a million views. I'm going to create some
- 36:28Speaker 2: content around that. Okay, so they create content. Then you
- 36:32Speaker 2: start seeing the trend upwards of like more content then
- 36:35Speaker 2: would eventuously What was more to me is like when
- 36:37Speaker 2: does it get to see NBC? When is the New
- 36:39Speaker 2: York Times, Wall Street Journal right about the AI bubble?
- 36:42Speaker 2: They eventually will get there because they are their reporters
- 36:45Speaker 2: are looking at what's trending in Twitter, what's trending on
- 36:49Speaker 2: Instagram's right, what's trending in YouTube. They're seeing and they're like,
- 36:54Speaker 2: want to talk about this, and they make the story.
- 36:57Speaker 2: These stories are not real. I'm just say the guy
- 37:00Speaker 2: like the original people and there's original group, but I
- 37:02Speaker 2: can't figure out how they're they're let's say they're not
- 37:05Speaker 2: coordinated just looking at what they what they're doing is
- 37:07Speaker 2: they're fishing. They're throwing stuff out all day and they
- 37:10Speaker 2: see where it connects with humans and they're clicking and watching.
- 37:14Speaker 2: But there's no reality. That's not a real story. There
- 37:17Speaker 2: is no eyeball. There is no That's what I'm saying.
- 37:20Speaker 2: Like every topic you think that's hot, right, it could be.
- 37:23Speaker 2: There's a big one obviously about vaccines, and we have
- 37:26Speaker 2: a government that throws a lot of stuff out there
- 37:28Speaker 2: so you can hop out or quick. But what's happening
- 37:31Speaker 2: is so I started to think of like where what's
- 37:34Speaker 2: real here? It's just that they need to have content
- 37:42Speaker 2: that is clickable and viewable, regardless if it's real, and
- 37:46Speaker 2: then it becomes real. That narrative eventually becomes real because yes,
- 37:50Speaker 2: earned media, the legitimate media can start to put their
- 37:54Speaker 2: view on it. Like I saw it NBC. It was
- 37:56Speaker 2: like there's a week of like is it real? Is
- 37:58Speaker 2: in video? Real is a bubble? Everyone's all the stock's
- 38:01Speaker 2: going to the stock market's gonna go down, you go,
- 38:04Speaker 2: you know, and they all start to talk about it.
- 38:06Speaker 2: It's all fraught. They're doing off bounds. I mean, it's amazing,
- 38:09Speaker 2: and I'm like, and then it goes like this, You'll
- 38:11Speaker 2: see it peaks. It's about it's about a three month
- 38:14Speaker 2: cycle usually, and it'll because after three months we get
- 38:17Speaker 2: bored of everything and it peaks and it comes down
- 38:21Speaker 2: and now AI bubble is no longer really Okay, okay,
- 38:27Speaker 2: you can do it with vaccines, you can do take
- 38:29Speaker 2: every major topic and watch and watchable habit. It will
- 38:32Speaker 2: actually burn out, and I guess it wasn't real. I guess.
- 38:35Speaker 2: So what I'm trying to say is that twenty million people,
- 38:38Speaker 2: three million podcasters, eight thousand mws and everything thing about
- 38:42Speaker 2: every day of every hour, they're fighting to stay alive,
- 38:46Speaker 2: to get revenue, add dollars, clicks use. So it doesn't
- 38:51Speaker 2: matter anymore. I can make up a topic, yeah, we
- 38:54Speaker 2: should try that a topic thing, But what is the
- 38:59Speaker 2: nature reality of this? Not being like I've been watching
- 39:03Speaker 2: these trends that I'm laughing because I'm like, and now
- 39:05Speaker 2: I see them, and now I eventually see them bubble up.
- 39:08Speaker 2: It's us. The news media unfortunately captures these things, legitimizes them,
- 39:12Speaker 2: and then that's where it gets to its peak. And
- 39:15Speaker 2: then those people who need all the clicks, they know
- 39:17Speaker 2: it's gonna fall off, and they're finding the next top
- 39:20Speaker 2: and you'll see what they're doing. They throw on topic
- 39:22Speaker 2: after topic after topic until they get a hit and
- 39:27Speaker 2: the hit. Why why is AI bubble the corn? Because
- 39:29Speaker 2: people have their money in the stock market, and the
- 39:31Speaker 2: whole fear is of what I'll lose my wealth. That's
- 39:33Speaker 2: what was get you here. It's real. Not the stock
- 39:37Speaker 2: cort is gonna drop by one hundred point, it's gonna
- 39:38Speaker 2: be another dot com creator. We're all gonna lose on
- 39:42Speaker 2: and so not to go on and on, but this
- 39:46Speaker 2: is the machine. It's then connected to us as adults
- 39:50Speaker 2: and our children and everyone else in between, and they
- 39:53Speaker 2: need that that thing goes. So all I'm saying is
- 39:56Speaker 2: like you're fighting a world out of about twenty five
- 40:01Speaker 2: million humans that are focused every hour of the day
- 40:04Speaker 2: to get you to do something so they can make money.
- 40:15Speaker 1: Now, let's talk about success, my friend. When I started
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- 42:56Speaker 1: thank you so much for taking us into this and
- 42:58Speaker 1: for explaining it so well, and just this idea that
- 43:02Speaker 1: people are out there basically I mean, forgive the French,
- 43:06Speaker 1: but like making shit up to see like what people
- 43:11Speaker 1: react to. And then there's this jumping on everybody else's train,
- 43:14Speaker 1: and now we're all talking about this trying to like
- 43:16Speaker 1: get those clicks and views, and then it sort of
- 43:18Speaker 1: bubbles up through everybody's awareness until you know, a CNBC
- 43:22Speaker 1: reporter learns about it and then maybe it can actually
- 43:24Speaker 1: change what's happening in the stock market.
- 43:26Speaker 2: And it's like.
- 43:27Speaker 1: These these ideas, but also that there is this you know,
- 43:32Speaker 1: not to get too big here, but like people are
- 43:34Speaker 1: forming their opinions about the world and what is true
- 43:37Speaker 1: and what this works, and who I am and who
- 43:38Speaker 1: other people are based on some of these things. And
- 43:40Speaker 1: we can see that there have been very destructive consequences
- 43:44Speaker 1: to that. And and what you're saying is that like
- 43:49Speaker 1: it's it's it's like the ocean, like you're what are
- 43:52Speaker 1: you going to fight the waves of the ocean? You're not?
- 43:55Speaker 1: And so so that there needs to be a you know,
- 43:59Speaker 1: what I I'm enjoying about talking to you is that
- 44:01Speaker 1: you have this very high level perspective of being able
- 44:06Speaker 1: to see the machine as a whole, what it is,
- 44:09Speaker 1: how it works, and you can like there's a psychological distance.
- 44:15Speaker 1: But I think that most grown adults like me can
- 44:19Speaker 1: you know, it's like we're in the washing machine. We
- 44:21Speaker 1: don't have that perspective. This is just like what's true
- 44:23Speaker 1: in the world. And how that becomes even more intensified
- 44:28Speaker 1: when it's a child who doesn't even have the frame
- 44:31Speaker 1: of reference to consider that, you know, what they're seeing
- 44:35Speaker 1: is maybe not great.
- 44:36Speaker 2: Think about our kids have a different set of needs.
- 44:39Speaker 2: Maybe yeah, they're not worried about money, let's say, and
- 44:42Speaker 2: our wealth. We lose our wealth because of stock market class.
- 44:45Speaker 2: So they're playing a different game of view over there,
- 44:49Speaker 2: and a lot of it is about like, you know,
- 44:52Speaker 2: the hitting kids are territorial you know, yeah, right, they
- 44:57Speaker 2: have these they're forming now really how to they're learning
- 45:00Speaker 2: how to form relationships with people or yes, so they're
- 45:04Speaker 2: they're playing a lot into that, you know, beginning development
- 45:07Speaker 2: of relationships, building where do I sit in the world
- 45:10Speaker 2: with friends? Am I in? Am I out? And so
- 45:15Speaker 2: they're they're playing a lot into these narratives. And all
- 45:20Speaker 2: I'm saying is that you're fighting this week. We go
- 45:23Speaker 2: back fortunately ten minutes ago, where we're fighting against something
- 45:27Speaker 2: that's quite sophisticated. Unfortunately, there's it's it's hundreds and hundreds
- 45:33Speaker 2: and hundreds of billions of dollars. That's system. And this
- 45:37Speaker 2: is not a game. It's these are people's livelihoods. Only
- 45:41Speaker 2: people need to make a livelihood off of us doing stuff.
- 45:44Speaker 2: So all I'm saying is that the way to beat
- 45:47Speaker 2: it is to have at least if you can put
- 45:49Speaker 2: that filter on and go, WHOA, what is reality? M Like,
- 45:54Speaker 2: my kids are watching stuff and I know that someone's
- 45:57Speaker 2: behind this that's trying to do bad stuff. Let me fine,
- 46:00Speaker 2: and let me be investigated. What the heck's inside that
- 46:04Speaker 2: message to kids absolutely is not mister Rogers making contact.
- 46:09Speaker 1: No, okay, well, so I'd love to ask you just
- 46:16Speaker 1: a couple more questions if do you have a little
- 46:18Speaker 1: bit more time to hang out a minute? Okay? Well,
- 46:21Speaker 1: then I'll think this hard. No no, no no. And
- 46:25Speaker 1: I know we started a little bit late. So so
- 46:29Speaker 1: one other thing that I will just also say that
- 46:32Speaker 1: I think hasn't been said in this conversation yet, but
- 46:35Speaker 1: that has come up for me who's a parent who
- 46:37Speaker 1: is also a psychologist, right, is that we also know
- 46:40Speaker 1: from research that when brains are developing, they are much
- 46:47Speaker 1: more vulnerable to addictive processes and that the consequences can
- 46:52Speaker 1: be longer term. Like so, for example, if a person
- 46:57Speaker 1: begins experimenting with like alcohol, cannabis, other substances when they
- 47:03Speaker 1: are very young, like twelve thirteen, fourteen, there is a
- 47:08Speaker 1: much greater and more destructive impact on their brain that
- 47:14Speaker 1: exists well into the lifespan. Like those people are much
- 47:18Speaker 1: more vulnerable to developing very severe, persistent drug and alcohol
- 47:22Speaker 1: addictions compared to even somebody who is seventeen eighteen nineteen
- 47:28Speaker 1: starting to experiment with alcohol and cannabis, like because of
- 47:32Speaker 1: the brain development that is happening in certain stages. And
- 47:37Speaker 1: I just want to add that idea to the conversation
- 47:40Speaker 1: to illustrate the importance because if you're young adolescent, your
- 47:45Speaker 1: ten year old is going down these rabbit holes and
- 47:48Speaker 1: these addictive substances that we do need to be cognizant
- 47:51Speaker 1: about the long term effects that Unfortunately, we don't have
- 47:55Speaker 1: the longitudinal data even at this point to really understand
- 48:00Speaker 1: what's what's happening. And so I think that that feels scary.
- 48:03Speaker 2: To me, and I think I think we're at a
- 48:06Speaker 2: place where you know, I remember, you know, cigarettes when
- 48:11Speaker 2: I was a kid was cool.
- 48:13Speaker 1: I know, I too was a teenager in the nineties.
- 48:16Speaker 2: Like exactly, and my like, my dad smoked and it
- 48:19Speaker 2: was cool. And Johnny Carson and member John Carson smoking,
- 48:21Speaker 2: like famous people smoked, and it was it was cool.
- 48:24Speaker 2: And then eventually, you remember, there were whistleblowers at these
- 48:27Speaker 2: companies that came out and there was like and then
- 48:29Speaker 2: movies got made about this stuff. Eventually it was it
- 48:33Speaker 2: was basically they knew what they were doing. We're in
- 48:35Speaker 2: a period of time where they know what they're doing
- 48:39Speaker 2: and we know what they're doing, Like people knew that
- 48:41Speaker 2: smoking was harming you. People had emphasy, but they died
- 48:43Speaker 2: of lung cancer. But they there was there was no
- 48:47Speaker 2: coming clean because it was so so much money was
- 48:50Speaker 2: running through the and I think we're in a place where,
- 48:54Speaker 2: you know, obviously Australia now banned social media below the
- 48:57Speaker 2: age of teenage, you know and stuff. But I actually
- 49:00Speaker 2: as kids are learning to get around that and what
- 49:03Speaker 2: they just pay a different birthday or they I heard
- 49:06Speaker 2: believe or not that you put makeup on you can
- 49:09Speaker 2: they take a picture of your face and see if
- 49:11Speaker 2: it matches, and putting makeup on and stuff to make
- 49:14Speaker 2: themselves look colder to get on to get it's crazy, yeah,
- 49:17Speaker 2: but you yeah, anyway, we're going to get in a
- 49:21Speaker 2: place where maybe there's whistleblowers maybe, and eventually these things
- 49:25Speaker 2: get to unravel, but I think we're far from that today.
- 49:29Speaker 1: Thank you for a fascinating conversation. And hey, before I
- 49:32Speaker 1: let you go, tell us tell us a little bit
- 49:34Speaker 1: more about the solution that you have been working on,
- 49:37Speaker 1: because what I hear you say is like, don't even try,
- 49:40Speaker 1: you're going to lose that. And instead you know, create
- 49:44Speaker 1: a new situation where your kids can have access to
- 49:50Speaker 1: content a device that is not out to manipulate them.
- 49:56Speaker 1: And also that does meet some of the needs that
- 49:59Speaker 1: we have. And you know, I mean kids do need
- 50:02Speaker 1: to learn how to exist in a digital environment. So
- 50:04Speaker 1: tell us what you've been working on.
- 50:06Speaker 2: Yes, So I have a colleague called Kitcode dot Ai
- 50:08Speaker 2: and basically we built a device that allows children to
- 50:12Speaker 2: take the power of AI and be their best creators.
- 50:15Speaker 2: So they can create music, and they create art, and
- 50:18Speaker 2: they can create stories and talk to buddies. But it's
- 50:20Speaker 2: all under a set of technologies that are safe. Comply
- 50:26Speaker 2: and I make sure we're compliant and COPE complies to
- 50:29Speaker 2: the FDC rating that content can harm children. Children can
- 50:33Speaker 2: create harmful content, you can't use their data to target them.
- 50:37Speaker 2: It's all the stuff that YouTube kids will never be
- 50:39Speaker 2: COP compliant. So I said, we want the compliance, but
- 50:43Speaker 2: it's really about this is an AI generation, like my
- 50:46Speaker 2: kid's going to be an AI generation, and something to
- 50:49Speaker 2: start to learn how to prompt and talk use it
- 50:52Speaker 2: as a tool for creativity. The problem I'm seeing really
- 50:54Speaker 2: interesting is we've launched and we have about four hundred
- 50:57Speaker 2: families that sign up right before Christmas and then we're
- 51:00Speaker 2: continuing selling. But like it doesn't create addictive behavior, like
- 51:04Speaker 2: there's no scrolling on it, you know, Like so it
- 51:07Speaker 2: does where we see the power is where parents and
- 51:11Speaker 2: children they create, Like I create stories with my kids
- 51:13Speaker 2: at night, and the stories come alive in pictures and
- 51:16Speaker 2: music narration and it's like Rob and Leonardo are flying
- 51:19Speaker 2: over to Mars and blah blah blah, and it creates that.
- 51:22Speaker 2: So this is a power to it, but it's it's
- 51:25Speaker 2: forces a little bit more engagement than hand the kid.
- 51:28Speaker 2: They have your child, the kit device, walk away and
- 51:32Speaker 2: then But funny because some parents want us to make
- 51:34Speaker 2: it like good addictive. You said that they want good addictive,
- 51:37Speaker 2: and it's like they want like just hand the device
- 51:39Speaker 2: and make it. So my kids are playing games, doing
- 51:41Speaker 2: things in there, but there's no good addictive. It's like
- 51:44Speaker 2: it's it's hard to make. So we think that's safe.
- 51:48Speaker 2: It's it's and it's doing well and we're playing great feedback.
- 51:51Speaker 2: But but it's I want to also have a device
- 51:56Speaker 2: because the device is the enabler. It's the front door.
- 51:59Speaker 2: Too bad on tip, So we want to make a
- 52:01Speaker 2: device no camera on the device. Yeah, so things that
- 52:04Speaker 2: are safe for the children.
- 52:06Speaker 1: I could see how that matters. Okay, So and it
- 52:09Speaker 1: is because I'm going to look this up and and
- 52:12Speaker 1: see see if maybe this could be a good solution
- 52:15Speaker 1: at the body house. It is called the killed Ai
- 52:19Speaker 1: Kidco dot A. I all right, what what is? What
- 52:21Speaker 1: does Leonardo think about this?
- 52:23Speaker 2: He loves it, you know, he was one of the
- 52:25Speaker 2: inventors of it, and he made and stuff. But uh,
- 52:28Speaker 2: you know, it's it's by the way, it's still a battle.
- 52:30Speaker 2: I'm not going to say it's I'm still battling.
- 52:33Speaker 1: I mean, roadblocks is pretty cool, but.
- 52:37Speaker 2: I have to be honest.
- 52:40Speaker 1: Well, but it's it's Leo approved, all right. The company
- 52:45Speaker 1: is Kidco dot Ai. And and rob thank you so
- 52:48Speaker 1: much though for in addition to telling us about this,
- 52:50Speaker 1: I mean also just you know, just the behind the
- 52:53Speaker 1: curtain insider view of a situation that we're all experiencing.
- 52:58Speaker 1: But I think you added very valuable perspective and layer
- 53:03Speaker 1: of understanding to this and maybe maybe we'll have the
- 53:07Speaker 1: opportunity to talk more about some of your other reflections
- 53:10Speaker 1: at another time.
- 53:12Speaker 5: And for having.
- 53:27Speaker 1: That was a fascinating conversation with Robert Lucasio, and I
- 53:34Speaker 1: don't know about you, but I learned a lot of
- 53:37Speaker 1: things and I just want to follow up here. I mean,
- 53:40Speaker 1: Rob gave us a lot of perspective and certainly a
- 53:45Speaker 1: middle path right to bring in another element to our
- 53:49Speaker 1: children's lives. But I also before we wrap up, when
- 53:53Speaker 1: I acknowledge the complexity of this whole landscape for a
- 53:58Speaker 1: lot of us, and just highlight the fact that there
- 54:02Speaker 1: may be other things alive in your life right now
- 54:06Speaker 1: that you could use support with above and beyond potentially
- 54:10Speaker 1: bringing another type of device into your home to throw
- 54:14Speaker 1: at your kids instead of an iPad. So, okay, a
- 54:18Speaker 1: couple of things. First of all, in my experience as
- 54:21Speaker 1: a marriage and family therapist, there can be a need
- 54:26Speaker 1: for support in a family, specifically in a couple around
- 54:30Speaker 1: how do we as partners get on the same page
- 54:35Speaker 1: about the unified message we are going to be sending
- 54:41Speaker 1: to our kids so that we are in alignment and
- 54:45Speaker 1: we also have a game plan in place for how
- 54:48Speaker 1: we as a couple co parents are going to be
- 54:52Speaker 1: supporting our kids and managing this. And you'd be surprised
- 54:57Speaker 1: at how many couples have you know, fight a lot
- 55:01Speaker 1: about differing belief systems about this. One person's like, it's
- 55:04Speaker 1: not that big of a deal. The other person's like, no,
- 55:06Speaker 1: it is. And you know who bears the responsibility for
- 55:10Speaker 1: being the enforcer? And so there could be all kinds
- 55:12Speaker 1: of stuff there. If that just resonated for you, relationship
- 55:16Speaker 1: coaching can be incredibly helpful. So you know, coming together
- 55:20Speaker 1: with a professional like one are the marriage and family
- 55:22Speaker 1: therapists here at growing self to talk about, Okay, let's
- 55:26Speaker 1: create a shared vision for how you'd both like this
- 55:30Speaker 1: to look that takes both of your value systems belief
- 55:34Speaker 1: systems into play and helping both of you create a
- 55:38Speaker 1: unified vision for how you're going to handle this in
- 55:42Speaker 1: your family, so that you have a game plan for
- 55:45Speaker 1: how to do things differently, not just for your kids,
- 55:47Speaker 1: but also in a way that protects your relationship if
- 55:51Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about. You know. But the
- 55:55Speaker 1: other thing that is here is related to how we
- 56:01Speaker 1: as adults are engaging with some of this technology. I mean, yeah,
- 56:05Speaker 1: we were talking a bit about the impact on kids,
- 56:08Speaker 1: but as Robert was talking, I was thinking about like,
- 56:11Speaker 1: oh my gosh, and like these are very powerful forces
- 56:15Speaker 1: that we are all engaging with on a daily basis,
- 56:18Speaker 1: and sometimes to the detriment of ourselves. Right, I know,
- 56:23Speaker 1: I personally have been way too long going down weird
- 56:26Speaker 1: rabbit holes and you look up. No, I don't know
- 56:29Speaker 1: what just happened, but I wasted a lot of time,
- 56:32Speaker 1: and especially when it becomes habitual, it can start to
- 56:36Speaker 1: get in our way. Just like kids are vulnerable to
- 56:38Speaker 1: this addiction, so are adults. And there are even bigger
- 56:44Speaker 1: fish swimming around in these waters. I mean, pornography addiction
- 56:50Speaker 1: is also operating on these same systems that Rob talked about,
- 56:54Speaker 1: as well as some of what's happening now with these
- 56:58Speaker 1: AI based persons. I mean, you've heard previous episodes of
- 57:04Speaker 1: this podcast on the relationships that people are developing with
- 57:08Speaker 1: AI based technologies and some of the pros and cons there.
- 57:13Speaker 1: If you're like, wait, what I have resources for? You
- 57:16Speaker 1: can scroll back through my feed and listen to a
- 57:18Speaker 1: fascinating episode with doctor Rachel Wood on AI and relationships
- 57:23Speaker 1: if you want to check that out. And as you do,
- 57:27Speaker 1: be thinking about, you know, am I or perhaps a
- 57:30Speaker 1: loved one using this in a way that is destructive, detrimental,
- 57:36Speaker 1: getting in the way of other relationships, getting in the
- 57:39Speaker 1: way of my mental and emotional health and like that's
- 57:41Speaker 1: a thing because we're also talking about concrete strategies and
- 57:45Speaker 1: actions that you can take to haul yourself back out
- 57:48Speaker 1: of that weird hole. And then I would recommend an
- 57:54Speaker 1: episode with my friend and colleagues at the s SAM
- 57:58Speaker 1: on the impact of ornography addiction and his take on
- 58:03Speaker 1: what that is and how to begin separating yourself from
- 58:08Speaker 1: that if that has taken hold of your life. So
- 58:12Speaker 1: those are a few more resources for you. And then additionally,
- 58:15Speaker 1: I think that there can be a place for life
- 58:20Speaker 1: coaching in this and the sense of like holistic life design.
- 58:24Speaker 1: I mean many people come into coaching ideally, by the way,
- 58:28Speaker 1: with a licensed mental health professional who is also a
- 58:33Speaker 1: certified coach, because you have to keep in mind coaching
- 58:36Speaker 1: is totally unregulated and anybody can call themselves a coach,
- 58:40Speaker 1: but but a licensed therapist who does coaching to talk
- 58:43Speaker 1: about your life and the life that you want to have. Right, Like,
- 58:49Speaker 1: if you're listening to this and thinking about how your
- 58:52Speaker 1: digital use is too much, it's impacting you in a
- 58:56Speaker 1: way that doesn't feel good, that it's not concents with
- 59:00Speaker 1: your values, the life you want to have where you
- 59:03Speaker 1: want to go. There's this whole approach we take that
- 59:06Speaker 1: I think of as holistic life design that is multi dimensional.
- 59:11Speaker 1: But we're talking about what are your relationships, like what
- 59:15Speaker 1: is your relationship with yourself? Like, how do you feel
- 59:18Speaker 1: a day today? How is your health? How are your friendships?
- 59:23Speaker 1: How is your sense of community? What do you do
- 59:25Speaker 1: for fun? Do you is there a spiritual dimension of
- 59:29Speaker 1: your life that you would like to explore? Are you
- 59:32Speaker 1: learning and growing? How's your job? How's that feeling for you?
- 59:36Speaker 1: And looking at so many different things right like what
- 59:41Speaker 1: kind of parent are you? And is that feeling congruent
- 59:44Speaker 1: with who you are and what you want? And we're
- 59:48Speaker 1: looking at all kinds of things that are either helping
- 59:54Speaker 1: you and contributing in a positive ways to who you
- 59:58Speaker 1: are and where you want to go, but also what
- 1:00:01Speaker 1: are the obstacles and what are the practices or factors
- 1:00:06Speaker 1: in your life that you may be engaging in that
- 1:00:09Speaker 1: are out of alignment with who you want to be
- 1:00:15Speaker 1: and what you want your life to be about. And
- 1:00:17Speaker 1: this can look like a lot of different things, certainly
- 1:00:21Speaker 1: spending too much time on your phone or going into
- 1:00:25Speaker 1: weird digital landscapes that are creating disconnect, they're creating anxiety,
- 1:00:30Speaker 1: they're disrupting other relationships, or even just the time you
- 1:00:33Speaker 1: have to do things that do fill your cup a
- 1:00:36Speaker 1: little bit more could be one of them. I mean,
- 1:00:38Speaker 1: there can be all kinds of practices and habits that
- 1:00:41Speaker 1: people engage in that we sort of do on autopilot
- 1:00:45Speaker 1: after a while, but that when you really have the
- 1:00:48Speaker 1: opportunity to sit down and reflect and make more intentional decisions, like, yeah,
- 1:00:54Speaker 1: I should probably make some changes there, and not in
- 1:00:57Speaker 1: a punitive way and not in a draconian or all
- 1:00:59Speaker 1: or nothing type way. But I think for most of
- 1:01:02Speaker 1: us it's worth it's worth having that kind of reflective
- 1:01:06Speaker 1: space every once in a while so that we can
- 1:01:09Speaker 1: check in with ourselves and make changes, maybe maybe small
- 1:01:14Speaker 1: sea changes, or maybe if you're in a place where
- 1:01:16Speaker 1: you look around at your life and like, I am
- 1:01:19Speaker 1: not having a good time and there are so many
- 1:01:20Speaker 1: things if I don't like right now, and this is
- 1:01:23Speaker 1: feeling very different than you know, the life, that I
- 1:01:25Speaker 1: really want to be able to sit down and do
- 1:01:28Speaker 1: a whole inventory and a full holistic life design plan
- 1:01:33Speaker 1: could be incredibly useful for you. And so I just
- 1:01:35Speaker 1: wanted to put that in front of you as an option,
- 1:01:38Speaker 1: because I think the reality is sometimes we can talk
- 1:01:40Speaker 1: about these things on podcasts like this and like, yeah,
- 1:01:43Speaker 1: great idea, and maybe I should, you know, change my
- 1:01:46Speaker 1: relationship to my digital consumption. But then there's this how
- 1:01:51Speaker 1: how do I do that part? Especially when it's so available,
- 1:01:55Speaker 1: it's so easy in this thing that we just kind
- 1:01:57Speaker 1: of do reflexively without thinking too much about it and
- 1:02:00Speaker 1: also without thinking about the long term consequences to us
- 1:02:04Speaker 1: for doing it. And the path to changing that is
- 1:02:08Speaker 1: typically through a coaching process that is not pathologizing you.
- 1:02:13Speaker 1: You know, we're not making this about all your deep
- 1:02:16Speaker 1: dark traumas and that there's a pathology there. We're not
- 1:02:20Speaker 1: labeling you, we're not diagnosing you, but is really a
- 1:02:23Speaker 1: much more wellness focused, strengths based, values based orientation that
- 1:02:30Speaker 1: helps you just get reconnected with yourself and then develop
- 1:02:34Speaker 1: action plans for making positive changes, but also creating sustained
- 1:02:40Speaker 1: motivation and accountability to help you follow through and create
- 1:02:48Speaker 1: sustained change, because that's the hard part. Right. We can
- 1:02:52Speaker 1: all put our phones down for an evening, but then
- 1:02:55Speaker 1: picking them back up again, right, doesn't matter. So anyway,
- 1:02:59Speaker 1: if you're interested in exploring that or doing that kind
- 1:03:02Speaker 1: of work, come to me practice growing self dot com.
- 1:03:05Speaker 1: Everybody that I work with in my practice is a
- 1:03:09Speaker 1: very experienced licensed mental health professional who is also a
- 1:03:15Speaker 1: board certified coach who practices coaching psychology, which is very
- 1:03:20Speaker 1: different than psychotherapy. Yes, you will get insights, certainly is
- 1:03:26Speaker 1: part of this and understand yourself better. We will talk
- 1:03:29Speaker 1: about those patterns and why you are the way you are,
- 1:03:32Speaker 1: but that's like step one and part of a bigger
- 1:03:36Speaker 1: process that actually carries you forward and translates the things
- 1:03:39Speaker 1: that you're talking about and these insights you're getting into
- 1:03:44Speaker 1: actual sustained changes in your life through a coaching process
- 1:03:48Speaker 1: that is quite different from therapy. So come to growing
- 1:03:51Speaker 1: self dot com to learn more about that. You can
- 1:03:53Speaker 1: schedule a free consultation with one of the therapists that
- 1:03:58Speaker 1: I support through my practice Growing Self and also just
- 1:04:01Speaker 1: throw it out there. Something that I've been doing more
- 1:04:03Speaker 1: and more of lately is trying to fill a gap
- 1:04:06Speaker 1: in my profession. I think that coaching meets the needs
- 1:04:09Speaker 1: for so many people who don't have clinical mental health conditions,
- 1:04:13Speaker 1: but who want to work on themselves and create changes
- 1:04:16Speaker 1: in their lives. And fascinatingly might surprise you, therapists have
- 1:04:21Speaker 1: typically no exposure to coaching. Psychology, and therapists are equipped
- 1:04:25Speaker 1: with a tool set that is very appropriate for meeting
- 1:04:28Speaker 1: the needs of people who are dealing with mental health issues,
- 1:04:31Speaker 1: but that don't always translate very well to the kinds
- 1:04:34Speaker 1: of things that we're talking about today. And so I
- 1:04:38Speaker 1: have begun through my business doing coach training for therapists
- 1:04:43Speaker 1: because there's just such a need. And as part of
- 1:04:47Speaker 1: my coach training program for therapists, I actually put them
- 1:04:49Speaker 1: through an eight week practicum where they get to practice
- 1:04:52Speaker 1: the things that they're learning about, because honestly, it's a
- 1:04:55Speaker 1: really steep learning curve for some of them, and they
- 1:04:58Speaker 1: do need to practice this before they go out to
- 1:05:00Speaker 1: the world and start offering coaching services. It's because there
- 1:05:04Speaker 1: are so many different competencies that therapists literally don't learn.
- 1:05:08Speaker 1: But okay, why am I telling you this is that
- 1:05:11Speaker 1: through this practicum, it is really it's a training experience
- 1:05:14Speaker 1: for therapists, and we're creating opportunities for people to get
- 1:05:20Speaker 1: connected with therapists. Going through my training program to get
- 1:05:24Speaker 1: eight sessions of coaching with a licensed therapist who's learning
- 1:05:29Speaker 1: coaching at a deeply, deeply discounted rate compared to what coaching,
- 1:05:35Speaker 1: especially coaching with a therapist usually costs, which is I
- 1:05:39Speaker 1: mean easily two hundred between usually between two and three
- 1:05:43Speaker 1: hundred dollars a session, but through this training program, it's
- 1:05:47Speaker 1: like forty nine dollars a session because we're not this
- 1:05:50Speaker 1: isn't like a money making thing for my business. This
- 1:05:52Speaker 1: is covering our operating costs to do this and you know,
- 1:05:57Speaker 1: giving our students opportunities to learn, but also give you
- 1:06:00Speaker 1: an opportunity to do this type of coaching at a
- 1:06:05Speaker 1: deeply discounted rate because as soon as the therapist graduate
- 1:06:08Speaker 1: from my coaching program, they're charging close to three hundred
- 1:06:12Speaker 1: dollars a session, and you will have the opportunity to
- 1:06:15Speaker 1: do a lot of this work at a fraction of
- 1:06:17Speaker 1: the cost. So anyway, to learn more about this, you
- 1:06:20Speaker 1: can also come to my website growing self dot com
- 1:06:23Speaker 1: forward slash Grow, Growing self dot com forward slash Grow,
- 1:06:27Speaker 1: and it will take you to a page to learn
- 1:06:29Speaker 1: more about these opportunities and also complete a right fit assessment,
- 1:06:34Speaker 1: which will you know, just make sure like is a
- 1:06:37Speaker 1: coaching approach consistent with what it is that you want
- 1:06:41Speaker 1: and need to get out of this, and if the
- 1:06:42Speaker 1: answer is yes, then you'll have the opportunity to enroll
- 1:06:46Speaker 1: in this program and access eight sessions of coaching with
- 1:06:50Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional at a deeply discounted rate.
- 1:06:55Speaker 1: So anyway, there you have it. Now, thank you so
- 1:06:59Speaker 1: much for spending this time with me today, and I
- 1:07:04Speaker 1: hope you got some takeaways. I'll be back in touch
- 1:07:07Speaker 1: very soon with another episode of love, happiness and success,
- 1:07:11Speaker 1: and we will keep this whole conversation going