Latest / Alive & Kicking: Stories of Waking Up with Kay Eck / Interview with Stephanie Martin | Awakening and Safe Spaces

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Interview with Stephanie Martin | Awakening and Safe Spaces · Alive & Kicking: Stories of Waking Up with Kay Eck

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Alive and Kicking Podcast.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Kay Eck, and this is where we talk to ordinary people about their extraordinary lives.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to the podcast, everybody.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm thrilled to be introducing you today to the wonderful Stephanie Martin.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, Stephanie.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, Kay.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: How are you?
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for having me.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so happy to have you here.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: So you've been on my radar for a while because I've been observing you and I kind of feel like we have a little bit in common in that we both have a field that is stable, and a lot of people can benefit from tapping into that, whether they if they need the stability or strength, or just like a little pause.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I kind of see you operating that way in the community for a lot of people.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: And you also have a giant bag of tricks, and I want to hear more about that.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: But let's get started with your childhood.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: How did you grow up and what was your sense of yourself as a child?
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: My childhood was wonderful.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Both my parents are still married, grew up in a very stable household.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: However, I came into this world as this aqua babe who was wielding a sword from the get-go, out-of-the-box thinker, very loud with my voice and my truth, and just really forging my own way and my own space.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I was the first one of three children, and my parents really didn't quite know how to handle me.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: I had a lot of energy and a lot of innovative thinking, and I challenged them an awful lot.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: So there was obviously endless amounts of love and support for my family and my parents.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: However, um there was spaces where I sometimes didn't feel understood or completely heard or understand or held.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that was really to no fault of my parents.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: They were doing the best that they could, um, but that did instill in me a need to find secure, safe space so that I can be witnessed in a whole unjudgmental, completely loving and receptive way.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: That feeling um sometimes eluded me as a child.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: So that kind of set the foundation and um I think the standard for everything in my life.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Everything just kind of evolved from that space.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I can really relate to that because my first child was um he didn't have like a really huge personality, but he was like physically challenging.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: He challenged me on everything, like you know, going to bed, changing the diaper, eating, ever, every single thing.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: He was just a challenging kid.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: And it's since it was my first and I was young, I did not know what I was doing.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, it's like there's no manual, and uh it's it's almost as if a child comes through who who has that personality, big personality, very capable.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost as if you feel like they don't really need that that safe space, but that's that's not true.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody needs that.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I um I think of you holding that space in the community, and it feels to me like that mother energy where um as we come into this world, we become, you know, the the human experience is like a battleground.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so, in order to approach the healing of those wounds, you have to like have a soft space, and that's really what you provide in the community.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: So, how does that your how did you discover this ability of yours to hold such a safe space?
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, it started from within me, within myself.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that need to feel safe and secure, that main keyword, safe space, safe space.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: So many life lessons and examples and experiences and traumas, right, have pushed me on that path of just needing that safe space for myself.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: And in turn, I ended up like accidentally creating this wide field for others to be held and witnessed and seen and loved and not judged.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And um, they just come as they are.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: And uh that that was just a beautiful organic evolution of a deep need inside of myself that just rippled out to everybody else.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And um, it's a beautiful, it's a beautiful feeling.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: So how did your how did your parents cope with your big personality?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Did they try to, you know, tone you down?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what was that like?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was grounded a lot.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was I was punished a lot.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's so funny because my dad also has this very um adventurous out-of-the-box spirit as well.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: So this was a mirror for him completely.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we have learned so many lessons by journeying through this, you know, human meat suit together and reflecting on that and deciding to grow.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And the decision part is huge, you know, not just sticking and staying with that traditional um, like I'm not going to fight the, you know, I'm going to fight the lesson, but really using that as a channel and an opening and a pathway to grow and evolve as humans, as spirits.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so yeah, I was in trouble an awful lot.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And um I didn't make it easy on them either.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: I I feel like part of my journey was challenging them.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it helped really create and shape my own voice and my will and my internal strength too.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I have children that reflect that back to me.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm getting it back to unfold and it's fun.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: So, what was high school like for you?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, high school was interesting.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I grew up in a Catholic school.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I went from uh kindergarten through eighth grade in a private school.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so for high school, it was my first time I went to a public high school.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: So that was the first time of like the world just opened for me.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: And um, there were so many different types of people and so many different types of thinking and ways of thinking and inspiring and creating.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I just thought it was the best thing since sliced bread.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so I immediately found I'm very social, I immediately found a friend group, I connected with a lot of different people in high school, lots of different pods and groups.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um I was in many different clubs, honor society, student athletic board, and participated in cheerleading as well.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the defining moments um actually of my high school career, which helped set the foundation and the stepping stones for, you know, my my ability to hold space and and to create um um different safe spaces for myself, was in the fact that going into high school, I had played basketball for many, many, many years.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And um, it was expected from you know my parents and my coach and my teammates that I would try out for high school basketball and be on the basketball team.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And about a day or two days before basketball tryouts happened, I had an internal crisis.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I just knew that if I wanted to live my own life and find my own voice and create or indulge in opportunities that would help expand me as a person, I couldn't play basketball anymore.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: It just wasn't calling me.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: So basketball tryouts and cheerleading tryouts were on the same day.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And without telling a soul, without telling my parents, without telling my coach, I instead of going into the basketball tryouts, I veered right and tried out for cheerleading and I made it and it was wonderful.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I definitely heard about it from my parents and my coach.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I had a great time cheerleading.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was very successful.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: I ended up being like the captain my senior year.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: It was wonderful.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it allowed me the freedom to not stay stuck in that box.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: I really needed to find my own voice.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: But um, yeah, that was a very scary, a very scary moment.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I do feel like that really set the stage for decisions that I would have to make later in life, even a few years down the road, as I ended up um getting pregnant with my oldest one, who is 21 when I was 17, and I had him when I was 18.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: So the small everyday decision of choosing cheerleading over basketball allowed me to propel forward in uh later in life a little bit.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: So high school was crazy.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: That's such an incredible thing.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm amazed that you had the awareness that breaking out of the box was more than just being social and doing cheerleading.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like you had you had the notion that this was something that you were doing for your spirit, that your spirit wanted to be expressed in a in a bigger, different way.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: I I find that incredible that as a freshman in high school, you could make that kind of decision.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Was that something that was cultivated in you as a child, or did it just come with you as part of the package?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think a little bit of both, right?
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it was what I was born and what I brought through, you know, from spirit world, um, what's intuitive and naturally in me, um, that kind of like go go right when everybody else is turning left, type of behavior.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: But also um my dad is a he's a bull.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: He is um he leads by example in that way too.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: So if something isn't right, he uses his voice to speak up.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: And he is a truth speaker and um a way shower.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I always felt like he almost holds kind of this like creature energy to him, right?
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: The supportive, motivative.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, he's been a salesman all his life.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: So of course he's had teams where he's had to motivate them in that way, but he doesn't throughout his daily life, whether it's his children or his friends or um, you know, whoever.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: But I I watched that growing up.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: I watched him, you know, lead by example and lead by his heart.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that gave me permission, even though he wasn't happy about it, that gave me permission to do the same thing.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: So what was that experience of becoming a 17-year-old mother?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, can you dive into that for us a little bit?
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: Were you scared?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: Were what was the what was the hardest part and what were the joys?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um, obviously that was I felt almost kind of like I connected to that little soul even before I met him, even before he was physically present in this earth.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: I had an immediate connection with him.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: I knew him, I knew his spirit, I knew his vibration.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I became, in a sense, like his protector, like his warrior.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And my voice that I learned to speak up and use so strongly and clearly before came his voice and his mouthpiece for existing in this world.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, obviously, we had many different options, you know, when we found out we were pregnant, but I was adamant, I was adamant that um this little spirit needed to be born.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I um that again helped kind of pave that path for, you know, I'm putting my sword in the ground and this is the way that it's going to be.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I ended up going to school full time, I was working full time, I was a mother when my friends were, you know, all going off to college.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was, you know, doing college at home and balancing diapers and studying.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: I would stay up until 3 a.m.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: to finish my papers.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: It just, it was really challenging.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I almost feel like I kind of just slipped on, I don't know if it's autopilot or if honestly, honestly, universe just kind of carried me through that time.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I ended up graduating sumacum laude.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: I was nominated for presidential award in my in my college.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was on honor societies.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I was I excelled in that space, but also um, yeah, it was it was quite a challenge, but I learned how to multitask.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: I learned, you know, my voice, um, which again, the multitasking carried on later in life for me too.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: So it was definitely challenging.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: My parents were extremely supportive without them, it would have been a lot harder.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I give them a million kudos.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the, you know, my what seemed to be my uh husband down the line.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: I had met him obviously in high school, and we ended up getting married after we both graduated from high school.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so my oldest dad and I, you know, were trying our best to do college and work and um be these parents as kids.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, I think the hardest part about being a teenage parent is you, even though I had a strong sense of self, right?
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was changing and growing and evolving.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I almost ended up kind of growing up alongside my oldest and really trying to figure out who I was and what, you know, what kind of person I was going to be, and what impact I would make to this world.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, it was a lot.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: It was a lot for an 18-year-old kid.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, wow.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: I I have goosebumps hearing about that.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um what at what point did you see that your life was a spiritual path?
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I think when I was a child, when I was a very small child, I was connected to the other side, as we all are, but I was very aware of it.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was aware of energy.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was aware of how I perceived energy individually.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I had a very deep, deep, deep sense um just within me, within my heart, that I wanted to help people, that I wanted to help people.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so that was kind of in the background, in the back of my mind, the back of my heart as I went along through life.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: And um, when I was about, when I started in my like early 20s, before I got married at the tail end of college, I started getting all of these health problems.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I had my gallbladder removed, I struggled with gallstones for three years.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I had endometriosis, I had ovarian cysts, I and I had my tonsils out.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: So early 20s, I had all of these medical things happening to me.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I was a healthy woman.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't understand what was going on.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I knew something, something was going on.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I started looking into energy at that point, just dabbling, just dabbling.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it was almost kind of like the universe was like, I'm gonna push you in this direction just a little bit.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it took many years, but I started understanding that there were some significant energetic imbalances just in the way the vibrations and the way that my thoughts and my actions and my interactions with other people affected my physical health.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so I dove down this rabbit hole of attempting to learn why I was so sick in these areas and what can I do and what lessons can I learn from it, and how can I shift my actions in my daily waking life to facilitate some kind of shift, you know, physically with my health.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: So um that's kind of where that started at.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: It was a health crisis.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, to think that you were also dealing with a health crisis on top of all that is like, yes, how did you not lose it?
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't know.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, like I do lose it.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I have I have lost it many times, but um I don't know.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: There's just some kind of like like little guiding force on my on my behind that keeps pushing me and keeps going and growing.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: And as I uh got through my 20s um and into my early 30s, actually, it was that it's like tail end of my 20s.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: I really started, it was after I had my third child, and um 10.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: So this all started happening about a decade ago, or like 11 years ago, 12 years ago.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I started getting into yoga and I started getting into meditation, and um, I started expanding.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: I went on this huge research of different world religions and different spiritualities and trying to just understand what my role is as a person and how does that relate to spirit world and how does that relate to my path.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so that led me down this again, like down a rabbit hole, um, and in keeping in mind trying to heal myself physically too and understand it from that point of view.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so then it actually uh when a local yoga studio was offering Reiki training, and I had never done Reiki.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: I had never even known what Reiki was at all, but it sounded cool.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: It was one of those times that the universe was firmly pushing my back, and I just um I'm one to kind of take cliff dives quite often.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: As soon as I feel spirit on my back, I'm like, wee, here we go.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I signed up for the course and it had gotten canceled, but I was adamant that I wanted to take this class.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I found this woman randomly an hour and a half away from me, who was holding a Reiki one and two certification in her basement in the middle of a cornfield.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I packed up my stuff for the weekend, drove an hour and a half away, and found myself randomly sitting in this lady's basement.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: She could have been like a killer, I don't know.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: But like the minute I sat there, it hit me and I was like, oh my gosh, this I get it now.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: It was a total awakening moment.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: It I understood why I'm here.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: I so deeply connected to my heart and my soul.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: I felt validated, I felt seen.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: And for the very, very first time ever in my life, I felt like I had come home or I had found my safe space, my true safe space where my soul was completely understood.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so after that, I learned about different chakras.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: I ended up really going on this physical healing journey, learning about energy, learning about Reiki, and I ended up curing my endometeosis.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: I do not have it anymore.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: I have not had ovarian cysts.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, obviously I had my gallbladder removed, so that's not there anymore.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: But um, so I did, I shifted the information, and this wasn't easy work and nor was it quick work.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: It was long and tedious, and um and I still have issues, you know, I still have physical issues with other things, right?
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: That that part's done.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: But um, yeah, so that kind of was my 20s and how I got into energy and how I discovered this path, just kind of by using my own health and what I needed to work on as a propelling force.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: So that from that moment in the cornfield when you had sort of an awakening, a coming home, you speak of it as, which is beautiful, did that cause a shift in your life?
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: Did you have to quit what you were doing and start something new?
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: How did that affect you?
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: It did.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: It um it was to date the hardest shift I've ever had to make in my entire life.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um as I was shifting as a person, as a being, and all of those things, all those thoughts and actions have a vibration to them, right?
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: Everything else was shifting.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I felt very, very called to bring the knowledge or the education to other people too.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, 10, 11 years ago, 12 years ago, not many people around here knew what Reiki was, right?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: They either thought I was absolutely insane and crazy, some people still do, but um, or you know, they're like, it's you know, it's evil, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: So the education and the and being called to hold space for other people in that way started becoming a thought in my mind.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so I started a small business.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: I started actually out of my bedroom for a year.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: I did Reiki and friends and family in my bedroom.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, then I decided that I needed a professional space.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I moved to an office, um, and just a tiny little office, and started working and connecting with people and starting to grow my clientele.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it really took me about three years to start seeing some movement.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: And in those three years, um, a lot was happening in my personal life, just tons was happening in my personal life.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my children were growing, so I was very busy.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: All of my kids were involved in a lot of activities and all that kind of stuff.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: So juggling that work, home life was a challenge.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then my high school sweetheart, who I had been married to for a really long time, um, our vibration shifted.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: And um we reflect as mirrors to each other a lot.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: And um, we weren't growing in the same way or in the same vibrational space as each other.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so we ended up parting ways, and he went his way and I went my way.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: And um obviously that whole entire thing, we've been, we'll be divorced six years um in April.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: And um that's been a journey in itself.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's like for another day.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: But it is that's been filled with huge valleys and huge, you know, hills and triumphs and joys.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: And we still are huge mirrors for each other and reflect those lessons um deeply.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: But my marriage fell apart, basically, and I was going through a lot of really, really dark, dark, dark places and and dark things, um, very serious things.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: And um, the one really guiding light through that entire thing beside my children was my work.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I really fully, fully believed that if I would not have had my work to have that safe space, right?
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: I would have lost it.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: I would have completely just and totally lost it.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: So um I'm very grateful for this work.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: It always is a place to return to.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: It is almost kind of like my church, right?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: And all it is is just connecting with your authentic self.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: That is your church.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I can find that later.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: I found that out.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: You can find that in the morning when you wake up, right?
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: You can go to rituals and ceremonies, you can have Reiki sessions, you can do yoga, you can do a lot of things.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: But that church is within you all the time.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: But that was what kind of saved saved my life for many, many, many hard, very dark years.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so I was newly divorced.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, before we even got divorced, I knew that I wanted to continue my business and I didn't want to go work, you know, at a regular job.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, this was my passion, this was my calling, and I needed to continue it.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I ended up going back to school.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I have a business management degree, and I went back to school and got my massage therapy license.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so I figured if I diversified and offered more than just Reiki, which not everybody understood, right?
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: I would collect more clients and I would be able to work with the public in a more complete way.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I actually ended up getting divorced before I graduated.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: And um yes, I was doing the whole school divorce, kids, work thing when I was, you know, in my early 30s.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: And um we ended up living with my parents for four years after the divorce.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it was a total start from scratch.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: I, you know, lost my home.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: I had to get everything.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: I left my house with two car loads um and my kids, basically.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: And um, the rest of the stuff stayed in storage and I didn't see it again for almost, you know, four years later.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so that was a complete undoing, a complete undoing of absolutely everything.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: And again, that was a very hard time on one hand, but on the other hand, I was growing this beautiful other life with my kids, with a whole new community.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: My business shot off, just totally took off.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I started teaching classes, um, I was connecting with beautiful, brilliant souls.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, it kind of sounds cliche, but that whole entire saying of, you know, like you have to let go for new things to enter your life is completely true.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I watched that play out in my life.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah, that's kind of how the whole ohm started, really, really started and really took off, and how the expansion, like I kind of say it, like you know, the number chapter number two or three or whatever chapter we're on right now started.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: So um yeah, so that was kind of that was yeah, that's that's been that was another journey.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when you talk about the the church within, I love that so much because I feel like that's also my practice.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how I would get through the day with so much external uh challenge, especially now without that.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm wondering how you teach that to your clients.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: How do you encourage them to cultivate that for themselves?
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, I think it's different with every single person because we are all completely different beings.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: We have all completely different gifts and talents and um, you know, things that we need to work on.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so when a client comes in, um basically I just witness them, I just see them.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: And um I'm not coming up with these new crazy things, right?
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's stuff that they already know.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: And we're connecting on a soul level, and I'm basically just a voice of um reflection.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's or or um, you know, kind of solidifying what they need to do.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's just it's just a big hug being like, there you go, you're on the right path, like continue to do the thing, right?
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I have you, I see you, I'm here for you.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just here for you, and I'll listen to you.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um so for everybody that comes through, it could be encouraging them to cook more if they love to cook, you know.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, sometimes some of the homework I I give my clients is like, oh, you're a cooker, you're a baker or something.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: Go make a pot of chili when you get home, you know, or go outside and put your feet in the grass.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, and it can it sounds so simple, but the simple things are often the foundation and the solutions for the bigger things.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, energy is very onion-like.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: I tell this to everybody, and we can't dive to the core right away, right?
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: We kind of have to start by peeling back those layers and one step at a time.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: And often that creates, um, and we talk about creating some kind of foundation, something you can return to that feels good, even if that's um taking just a couple breaths in the morning or enjoying a hot cup of tea.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be saving the world, you know.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes our breath is the only thing we have.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I how many times have I laid in my bed listening to music, just focusing on my breath?
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's the only thing that I have in that moment to stay here, right?
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: And and it's the only thing that I can use to get me through to the next moment.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: And other times I'm out attempting to save the world.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: So it's different for every day, it's different for every person, just based on where we're at in our journey and our life.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I feel that I the breath is.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I've been talking about it nonstop for years, but um for me, that is it's ever it's an everyday practice, it's an every hour practice, it's an every minute practice because it's it is, it's literally the only thing that you truly have that's real.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: Everything else is like kind of crazy wild illusion almost.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_01: So, what does your what other tricks does your business include now?
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because I know that as we are sitting here, you are waiting for a mother to go into labor because you are a doula.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: I am, yes.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was actually texting with her last night and she's like, oh, some things are happening.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: So made sure to keep my phone on, and that's always super exciting.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, so just like earth evolves and grows and seasons and days and nights, um, we do too as people.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: And um also maybe this is part of my Aquarius mind, I love new things, right?
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: So my root, my base, my foundation, which is super important, is Reiki, which is energy work.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that is my heart, and I will be doing it to the day I leave this earth.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so I facilitate a lot of energy, holding space, um, helping people take ownership of their energy and um watching them transform it.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: I do not call myself a healer because I don't do any healing.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: There is no healing.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: I am just a facilitator.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just a witness.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm here.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm opening safe and sacred space so that you and your higher self and your guides can feel secure to do the work, right?
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I energy is my base.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, also I'm a massage therapist.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't have a specific type of massage, it just is what everybody needs or, you know, whatever that person needs particularly.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I do a lot of prenatal massage too, because I have a lot of mama clients.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I do some trying to conceive work too within the energy base.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um I just got certified in shiatsu as well, beginner shiatsu.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: So that has been completely fascinating to me because it truly is this beautiful bridge of the physical body and the energy work.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: And marrying the two together, it's it's a total complete practice.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm very excited um sitting at the feet of another wise one, kind of just absorbing all the information that she holds, um, which I think we should all be students all the time, forever.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I do that.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_00: I also teach Reiki certification classes, and I hold several a year for one and two as well as uh master class.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: I lead groups.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so now I'm more of in a home-based smaller studio, but we used to run many circles, um, sister circles, mother's circles, lots of things.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I help facilitate community events and sound healing, stuff like that.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um I am a certified domestic and sexual violence um volunteer through a local um violence shelter and um that provides services for a lot of different things.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I do think as I evolve and as the kids grow up a little bit, I would love to almost kind of like be a doula for um-site aid for hospital or police stations for people that have been victims of sexual or domestic abuse.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: I do work with a lot of clients that have have that in their background too.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_00: So that is something that is very near and dear to my heart, holding space for um that kind of experience.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: As well as um, yes, I am a birth jeweler too.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I sat at the feet of a wonderful woman, um, Wapio with the Matrona, learning all of that.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh, I mean, it was birth knowledge, but it was cosmic knowledge and universal knowledge.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um the women that I sat with to learn, it was just an experience from another planet.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I'm a birthula.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't do it um that much.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: So it's only um either long-term clients or, you know, just a special kind of connection.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um I obviously am a single mom, so I'm home with my kids.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm running a business and we live in a cute little cottage.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm taking care of my little house.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to make sure that I am present enough for my kids and my clients and you know, my my mamas and and their families, and so I don't take on too many clients, but um, this one's special.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_00: So birth is birth is just oh gosh, there's really no words for birth.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: Birth is an absolute miracle, an absolute miracle.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just really happy that I could be a witness to that and all of the other birthings that we do.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, wow.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's so much, and I feel like only you could get could actually hold that much responsibility and uh in the community.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_01: And before we go to the lightning round, I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about your online forum um platform that you've created via Facebook called Home.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_01: And um I find it to be a very uh neutral and supportive space.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's not uh super dupe, it's very there's a lot of people who are tapped into it, and it's almost as though the support is implicit rather than constantly being demonstrated through you know a lot of conversation and memes and and stuff like that.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: I was wondering what your vision of it is and for it.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um so as we shifted, um obviously like I've held a lot of physical spaces for um Ohm Sweet Ohm's community.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: And during the whole pandemic, I had to shift gears completely.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that was an internal expression, so something I was internally being really challenged to do, as well as what I was hearing at was the external need and expression from the community.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: So we were shifting, everyone was shifting, and that space, that safe space, had to evolve and shift to, and um which equals, you know, some hardships as well as some growth too.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not afraid to do the shifting at all.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so for me personally, it started in in here, it started internally for me, as everything does, right?
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was really being called to be more present to for my family and for myself.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I started having some health issues in my solar plexus in my gut, and I needed time and space to work through some old traumas, um, really, really heavily show up for those traumas in a way that I had not before.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that caused me, and you got the pandemic and everything, the e-learning, and that caused me to shift my physical space to more of an online presence as well as home-based space.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_00: And as that internal shift was happening, I saw that people in the community were also kind of connecting to their own homes, right?
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's a physical foundation of a home or just returning to their heart roots.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: There was a rooting happening and it had to shift.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: Everything had to shift to the roots and to the heart.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: And home, home, home, home was a theme with everything.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_00: Come home to yourself.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I personally, individually went home to myself and shifted from that big community to home and online.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, we had so many different groups and I loved them and I loved all the facilitators and I loved the vibes, but we had so many different groups, and I felt it created somewhat of a division within the community because there's so many different groups.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I wanted to shut down all of the groups and bring it back home.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_00: Just everybody.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_00: I have the faith that we can stay in one place and see each other and witness each other and go through the things, right?
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: Just together.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_00: So that is our online space.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's our home space.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_00: And um, again, it's a non-judgmental space.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_00: I have, you know, I'm the admin for the page, but I am very clear in the fact that I'm not going to run all the events for people.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_00: We are, we are a collective of bright minds and talented souls, and everybody's opinion and everybody's um talents matter, and it's not just one person, right?
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, leading the troops.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: So that is just a safe open space for a lot of people to come home, feel connected, have that community connection without being divided.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's that whole entire rainbow bridge type of thing, you know, that unity space.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and listen to each other without wanting to kill one another, which is really important right now.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I feel like it's um it's a it it's not a simple thing.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's a testament to your ability to hold space that the the home group remains so positive and clear.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um I don't know whether you're curating the people who can come into it, but um it's there's I've never seen any sort of negativity.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_01: It always just feels super positive and supportive.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_01: And um, yeah, it's congratulations.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's that's amazing.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: I I safe space is the key word.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that um honestly, I think it's something that starts again from within and reflects out.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I hold the intention that that space remain safe, that that space remain a space so that people can be seen and be heard and be witnessed.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_00: And my intention is that those that come to that space, that doesn't mean it has to be like all like sunflowers and you know, daisies and romping through a field of wonderfulness, right?
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's not real life.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_00: Real life is a lot of times hard and painful and emotional, and we need each other.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's that space too, right?
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_00: It reflects that shadow space, it reflects that light space.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_00: So we can walk with each other and hold each other in those moments, but then also we can celebrate people's victories and celebrations in light.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: So my intention going in there is that you come from a place that is of your higher self, right?
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that that ability to balance that ego with that higher self and kind of check before you know you lower the vibration, you know, in the group.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it just I don't even need to say anything.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_00: It just people just it just resonates.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm in a couple of groups like that, but I think it's it's really rare.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's a real talent and it's not something that you know you can put on your resume necessarily.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_01: But you don't have any room on your resume to put anything else.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_01: So don't worry about that.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_00: Who yeah, resumes the resumes fit in the box.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_00: We don't do boxes.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I know resume seems like such an outdated, an outdated concept to me for sure.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's because I know so many people who do such so many jobs that you know don't wouldn't fit on a resume like yours.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_01: So um let's go into our lightning round, and I have some good questions for you if you're ready.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_01: I am all right.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, okay, so first question is what quality in you best serves your children?
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh honestly, I think understanding, like creating a safe space, just like I do for myself and the community, um, creating a safe space.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_00: And my children, all three of them, have reflected that back to me.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_00: I am an open door.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_00: You can say anything, you can come with me, come at me with anything.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not a saint, you know, obviously I'm a human and I react too, but overall it's a safe space.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that that is highly appreciated with my kids.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's kind of incredible given that you were so young when you started motherhood that you could simultaneously create that and also grow up, you know, that that's that's pretty incredible.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know how you did that because it took it's it I didn't start doing that until I was probably 45, you know, and my kids were like, all the damage was done.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_01: Ask them.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_01: So okay, is your circle of friends getting smaller or bigger and why?
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um I I don't how to say.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: Think it kind of they're staying the same, um, pretty much the same since the past six years.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I have um obviously a core group of uh people, and I'm friends with a lot of different people, but I have a core, I've got my core besties.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've got so many beautiful women that I work with and that I just adore and circle with and love.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I have students and clients, and my circle, I feel like always gets wider in a sense, even though I have returned to my roots physically.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not as, I guess, physically accessible as I was, you know, even a year ago.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that doesn't mean that I am not accessible, you know, through a lot of a lot of different ways.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I have set up some boundaries and pulled my energy in a little bit, but my circle of friends hasn't changed.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually think that many of the relationships have grown and evolved and are deeper now than they ever have been.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_00: So this year, coming home to myself and coming everyone else coming home to themselves um really, really deepened our connection.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh for me, I it it almost seems as though my um circles are getting both smaller and larger.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's like my, you know, like these spheres exist.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_01: I have like the tight supportive group that I that is like my council, and then I have like a larger group of like-minded um or seeker people who are on the same journey as I am.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_01: And it it's almost as if those spheres exist and people move in and out of them.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_01: You know, some move out of the inner circle because they want to do something else.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_01: Or uh it's been, and it's the the challenge is not to get attached to like this sphere has to be have these people in it, it has to be porous enough to let them come and go and explore, and for me to allow new new guidance in because that's really what we need as we grow.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_01: We need different different guidance, you know.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_00: I totally agree.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think specifically last year, there were so many big shifts.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of the big players, some of the big players in my life that had been, you know, forever standing pillars had transformed into something different.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so last year was a huge year of grief for me too.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_00: And those people did transition out or taking shape of different roles in my life.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, other people stepped up, or maybe they were in my inner circle, but they took a bigger, more prominent role as a pillar as this chapter unfolds.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_00: So there was a lot of grief, as there always is when relationships transform, because I do feel um when we transform a relationship, it's a it's a bit of a a celebration, but it's also kind of a death in a way.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_00: And um I honor that and I grieve it, and it's okay to like have the feelings, right?
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but ultimately it hurts more to continue to to hold on than you know, gracefully let go and flow with with what you're with what's coming in, all the new things that are coming in.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_00: So transition and relationships are hard.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, they are.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, what's your go-to snack?
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, well, uh, that's change.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, first of all, it was popcorn.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_00: I am I love popcorn, stove popcorn with a little bit of oil and a little bit of salt is my love.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I had been working, I had sat on my solar plexus all of last year, um, kind of pulling my energy back.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_00: I got into shiatsu because of that, because of it was a little bit of a health crisis.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I ended up in the emergency room Christmas Eve due to the health issues.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_00: Everything from the inside, the bone, from the tissues, made their expression and which pushed me on a whole different path.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, since Christmas Eve, I've lost a bunch of weight.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_00: I feel healthier, I feel more vibrant, I feel more clear.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_00: So nowadays it's actually different flavored rice cakes versus popcorn.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_01: I I love popcorn, but I cannot eat it.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, it's so hard on your stomach.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's not good for me.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm also discovering that now I've I my life has been like a series of like giving up like certain foods that weren't not serving me.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_01: And it seems to be limp, it seems to be never ending because I I had given up nuts, I'd given up lots of stuff, but now it seems as though um two things lentils, which I love, cannot I cannot eat them anymore, and seeds.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh I think I'm done with the seeds.
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's like sad.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a relationship I have to let go of.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, very much so.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_00: And uh the like even drinking for me, I haven't had a drink in a month, and um, that's opened many, many doors, but I've reflected even like just as a social drinker, I'm like, I see how I was using that, or even popcorn in a sense.
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like popcorn was kind of my crutch, you know, like when I wanted to relax or different stuff like that, and I cannot have that anymore.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_00: I just I I can't do it, and um I'm not gonna fight it.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna roll with it, and now rice cakes are my are my boo for a second.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I do want to mention because you you bring up the the the alcohol, you know, um I noticed for myself that I could go, you know, I and this is typical for me, like I can go months without without having a glass of wine.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_01: And but what I noticed is that I could still have an addiction to that one glass of wine within a three-month span in a certain setting, whether it was like getting together with my girlfriends, that would be like that's the time.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's like it was an addiction.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_01: And it, you know, like I think it's important to recognize like you, we are dig, I am like digging so deeply into everything in my life that I could uncover that I could have an addiction over the course of three months, you know, because that doesn't that wouldn't seem to anybody like it was an addiction or a problem, except for that I saw it as I was like compelled to do it and I didn't have that much power over it, you know.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I completely agree.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then I watch, you know, because I am have limited myself as far as um or have been limited by you know the universe, my health, um, you know, the popcorn's gone, all my favorite foods are gone.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot eat any of my favorite foods anymore.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I can't drink anymore.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so then I'm watching myself and my behaviors, and I'm starting to, I'm like, okay, the Amazon shopping has gone a little bit up, but I'm like, I am noticing that I'm having these tendencies to fill one thing with the other.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, why am I filling holes?
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_00: Where does that need to come from?
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's a never-ending spiral, a never-ending journey, but the awareness is the key.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_00: Once you're aware, then you can have the choice whether to take action on it or ignore it.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like that's been one of the blessings of COVID is if you're willing to allow it to be that for you, is this uh time to dive into some of and to observe some of your behaviors and thoughts and actions for sure.
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_01: I found a lot to work on, let's just put it that way.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_00: Same.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_00: So you're in good company.
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so what was the last thing you cried about?
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um remember it's been a while, which is good.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like this is this is um, I'm kind of in new energy right now because I am um life, I'm not gonna life has been beautiful, right?
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_00: But life has been really hard, like really, really hard the past six years.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_00: And um, even though there's been so many blessings and so many wonderful people, it's been really rough.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, there's been a lot of a lot of trauma and a lot of things that have happened over that time span.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so I've shed a lot of tears, a lot, a lot of tears.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_00: And one of my words for this year for 2021 is joy.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_00: Joy, joy, joy, joy, joy, joy, joy.
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that doesn't necessarily mean happiness, right?
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_00: We could just find joy in the simple things, but it's a shift of how I am perceiving everything happening to me and choosing to engulf and embrace that experience with a joyful mindset and a joyful vibration.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so because of that, it shifted some things, and I am really happy with the way things are going lately.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so I don't remember, I think probably the last time.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I remember, I remember.
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_00: I was watching um um the tutors.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was watching the tutors, and um something spurred a memory of a moment from my ex-husband.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_00: And um just the reflection on everything that we had gone through, and you know, if things were different, or if a moment would have panned out differently, would that have shifted us into a different way?
• 53:50
  SPEAKER_00: Or um, and that reflection, it was just a sore spot and such a such an emotional space and almost kind of like missing, you know what I mean?
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_00: You miss the person, you miss that full family feeling.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and just like the what ifs, the what ifs kind of get to you a little bit.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I think that was the last time, and that would have probably been in like maybe November or so.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like that was like good cry, like, you know, that type of thing.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_01: I find for myself that my I'm most often doing exactly what you said is I'm I I like get struck with this, it's too hard.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's too hard.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_01: And then I have like a mini breakdown that lasts like I can't even get it to last more than 30 seconds.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, and then it's gone, you know.
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh no, I can do this, I can do this.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I have to put that out there.
• 54:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm overwhelmed, I'm like pissed off.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's like too hard.
• 54:45
  unknown: Yeah.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_00: Mine lasts like a day.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_00: I I feel like I'm like real, like, oh gosh, you know, down in the dumps.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_00: And generally like a day later, I'm like, okay, pull the bootstraps back on, and I'm like, all right, let's go.
• 54:59
  SPEAKER_00: I can do this.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so what what or who always makes you laugh?
• 55:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um my kids, my kids.
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_00: My kids are so witty.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_00: They have their dad's really quick reflexes and they're super sarcastic.
• 55:17
  SPEAKER_00: Thank gosh that they inherited that from him.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um they make me laugh constantly.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_00: And we like to be really goofy in the house.
• 55:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so we're constantly doing like goofy things and dancing and just making fun of each other.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_00: And but my kids just they are hilarious.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_00: They are absolutely hilarious.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_00: They're joys to be around and they bring me joy.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_00: They bring me joy 100%.
• 55:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I feel the same way.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_01: My kids are so funny.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I wonder if it's just like it's like a chemical thing that, you know, like the kids make the parents laugh, and then you know, the parents make the kids laugh, and or whether, you know, these people are exceptionally funny.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it just saves them from living another day.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_01: You're like the defense mechanism, yeah.
• 56:02
  SPEAKER_01: So did you did you bring a question for me today?
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_00: I did.
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I had a couple rumbling in my head, um, but one that I really was interested in was as you transition of you know, one day down the line, long time down the line, from this earthly body to back to spirit, what is the legacy or what you know, in in one word or one idea or one vibration, what is the legacy that you hoped um to impart an imprint on the collective in this lifetime?
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_01: Well, first I want to say that I have been pondering just today the fact that there's there's the the the death experience is one instant, one single tiny instant in basically infinity.
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_01: So you go, you know, you have this human life, there's the instant of death, and then you have another life.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it's it just put everything in perspective for me that that it's really nothing to fear.
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_01: There's nothing to fear when it's like it it's barely gonna be even noticeable, really, on a scale.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that's an important thing to share that um to think of it that way and to see if that that what that understanding brings up for you because you're living until you're not, and then you are again, you know.
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_01: But in terms of the legacy, I you know, of course that changes over time.
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_01: And this is I've I've mentioned this before that um in the podcast that um my understanding of becoming an ascended master is leaving a legacy of love.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so of course I want it to be about love, but it changes.
• 58:07
  SPEAKER_01: And right now, I would say that the word for it is humility.
• 58:15
  SPEAKER_01: To really be an example of the willingness to be wrong, the willingness to be weak, the willingness to be horrible, the willingness to be stupid.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_01: Not that that's really a thing, but to be all the things, you know, like I've I I spent my entire life trying to, you know, build up this and be that and to grow and to um expand.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_01: And now it seems as though my life is paring down to also shed the things that I'm not.
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so what's left between the building and the deconstruction is just a humble being of infinite power and light, you know?
• 59:19
  SPEAKER_01: I guess I would have to say that today it's humility.
• 59:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's beautiful, absolutely beautiful.
• 59:25
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Stephanie, I want to thank you so much for being uh with me today.
• 59:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to acknowledge, although our audience won't be aware of it, we had some trouble getting started.
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_01: And thank you so much for your patience and for bearing with me and for uh holding the space for me to lose my crackers.
• 59:45
  SPEAKER_01: And um, yeah, so thank you so much.
• 59:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's been wonderful being with you.
• 59:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thank you so much.
• 59:51
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is my first podcast.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was a little bit nervous, but you made this so welcoming and warm, and I really appreciate um you opening the space for me to be heard and seen and witnessed.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you, Ken.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you seem like an old pro.
• 1:00:04
  SPEAKER_01: So which everything that you do.
• 1:00:07
  SPEAKER_01: So we'll we'll tell people how to get in touch with you in the notes, and I I wish you all the best in the future.
• 1:00:15
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:00:16
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, you too.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.