Latest / Home for the Holidays / The Dressing: A Thanksgiving Terror

Transcript

The Dressing: A Thanksgiving Terror · Home for the Holidays

• 0:04
  Greatmomma: Myth Lab Entertainment presents Home for the Holidays.
• 0:09
  Greatmomma: Growing up, we didn't fear Halloween.
• 0:15
  Greatmomma: Our fright night was served up with collard greens, baked mac and cheese, a turkey deep fried, a glazed honey ham, and sweet potato pie.
• 0:27
  Greatmomma: Around the table we'd sit, twitching in place, as Big Mama prayed her unending grace
• 0:36
  Big Mama: for all the blessings.
• 0:37
  Greatmomma: Uncle Lee smelled of reefer, grandpa of cigars.
• 0:42
  Greatmomma: Aunt Ree brought the most shiftless boyfriend so far.
• 0:46
  Greatmomma: Mama would remind her sons to stay in kids' places, while older cousin Jimmy challenged them to foot races.
• 0:55
  Greatmomma: Divorces, politics, or an overcooked bird were our holiday horrors.
• 1:03
  Greatmomma: Now, ain't that a word?
• 1:05
  Greatmomma: What was supposed to be a day of deep gratitude was a kickoff for everyone's bad attitude.
• 1:14
  Greatmomma: Scorned spaghetti, deflated pies, and a chitlin' feud would leave all the grown folks in a dangerous mood.
• 1:23
  Greatmomma: So we take you now to a home.
• 1:26
  Greatmomma: No, make that a table.
• 1:29
  Greatmomma: To share the first of our family fables.
• 1:32
  Greatmomma: Each more fearsome than the last.
• 1:35
  Greatmomma: This one's truly distressing.
• 1:38
  Greatmomma: And with that, my babies, I serve you: The Dressing.
• 1:49
  Mildred: Dana! Better call Justin and tell him to bring more pie crusts.
• 1:53
  Mildred: Your sister cremated these.
• 2:06
  Dana: What's taking so long, Justin?
• 2:08
  Dana: Where are you now?
• 2:10
  Justin: Just grabbed the pie crust.
• 2:12
  Dana: Deep dish, right?
• 2:13
  Justin: Yeah, yeah, deep dish.
• 2:15
  Justin: And now, headed for the cornmeal.
• 2:18
  Dana: Please hurry.
• 2:19
  Dana: My folks are already at the house and wearing me out.
• 2:23
  Justin: If you'd stop adding to the list, I'd be finished.
• 2:26
  Dana: This is it, this is it, I swear.
• 2:28
  Dana: You know, you're looking for the Spiffy cornmeal mix, right?
• 2:32
  Dana: Yellow, not white.
• 2:33
  Dana: And it should be the box with the lady holding a black spoon.
• 2:37
  Dana: Check your phone because I texted you a picture.
• 2:40
  Justin: Okay, I've gotta go.
• 2:41
  Justin: They're wildin' up in here.
• 2:42
  Justin: See you soon.
• 2:43
  Justin: Love you.
• 2:45
  Greatmomma: Justin was about to find out the foot fist way.
• 2:48
  Greatmomma: Why it's best to avoid grocery shopping on Thanksgiving Day.
• 2:51
  Greatmomma: Baby, these people come ready to throw hands just to get the last hickory smoked ham.
• 2:57
  Greatmomma: Justin was having trouble navigating this maze, and the search for Spiffy cornmeal put him in a daze.
• 3:04
  Greatmomma: Luckily, he spotted a grocery store clerk.
• 3:06
  Greatmomma: Too bad, dude, was a condescending jerk.
• 3:10
  Angry Customer #1: Can I get some help over here, please?
• 3:12
  Angry Customer #1: How are y'all out of turkey legs and wings on Thanksgiving?
• 3:15
  Angry Customer #1: What kind of planning did you do?
• 3:17
  Store Clerk: And what kind of planning did you do?
• 3:20
  Angry Customer #3: These vegetables are rotten.
• 3:22
  Store Clerk: I mean, when you shop last minute, you get the last of the inventory.
• 3:27
  Angry Customer #1: And you need to start opening up more lines.
• 3:29
  Angry Customer #1: I've been stuck in this store for over an hour.
• 3:32
  Store Clerk: Oh yeah?
• 3:32
  Store Clerk: Been over ten years for me.
• 3:35
  Customer Mob: I'm never shopping here again.
• 3:38
  Justin: Hey, hey, hey! They got this man out here working hard on the holiday, and he's doing the best he can.
• 3:43
  Justin: Give him a break.
• 3:47
  Store Clerk: I appreciate you, bro.
• 3:49
  Justin: Hold up.
• 3:49
  Justin: While I got you here, can you please tell me where to find...
• 3:52
  Justin: Damn! I'm blanking.
• 3:54
  Justin: Wait one second.
• 3:56
  Justin: I got a picture on my phone.
• 3:58
  Justin: Look.
• 4:00
  Store Clerk: I mean, we got breasts, but not that kind.
• 4:06
  Store Clerk: Only chicken and turkey here, bro.
• 4:10
  Justin: Oh shit.
• 4:11
  Justin: My bad.
• 4:12
  Justin: My girl, uh, wife texted me that.
• 4:15
  Justin: Here's what I'm really looking for Spiffy cornmeal.
• 4:18
  Store Clerk: Aisle 12 on the right.
• 4:20
  Store Clerk: Bottom shelf.
• 4:21
  Justin: My man.
• 4:22
  Justin: Appreciate you.
• 4:23
  Store Clerk: But we sold out yesterday.
• 4:25
  Store Clerk: Sunny cornmeal is on sale, though.
• 4:28
  Store Clerk: Aisle 12 on the end cap.
• 4:30
  Justin: Nah, my wife said it has to be Spiffy.
• 4:33
  Justin: And my mother-in-law don't play about her family recipes.
• 4:36
  Store Clerk: Like I said, we're out.
• 4:38
  Justin: But my wife is going to kill me.
• 4:40
  Justin: Think you could check in the back real quick?
• 4:42
  Store Clerk: What is with you people and your obsession with the back of the store?
• 4:46
  Store Clerk: There's no secret stash of cornmeal and turkey wings.
• 4:50
  Store Clerk: What you see on the floor is what we've got.
• 4:53
  Greatmomma: Now, Justin knew better than to get this mess.
• 4:56
  Greatmomma: Why he took it to the register is anyone's guess.
• 4:59
  Greatmomma: Several grandmas tried to stop him, but he took no heed.
• 5:03
  Greatmomma: Guess he's a sucker, for buy one, get four free.
• 5:08
  Greatmomma: Back at home, Dana, her sister Christy, and niece Paris were cooking.
• 5:16
  Greatmomma: While Mama Mildred did some unasked overlooking.
• 5:20
  Greatmomma: Mildred was good for corrections and zingers, but she wasn't too interested in lifting a finger.
• 5:27
  Greatmomma: You'd think Mildred was the late great Leah Chase.
• 5:30
  Greatmomma: The way she fussed at her daughters after every taste.
• 5:34
  Mildred: I hope these little spiders aren't the crabs for the gumbo.
• 5:38
  Dana: Mom, this holiday is supposed to be about giving thanks, not complaints.
• 5:42
  Dana: Just relax.
• 5:44
  Dana: Christy and I've got this.
• 5:45
  Mildred: So y'all only using that frozen seasoning blend in the dressing this year?
• 5:50
  Mildred: No fresh vegetables?
• 5:52
  Mildred: Hmm.
• 5:53
  Mildred: Interesting.
• 5:54
  Mildred: You know those shortcuts usually mean short on flavor.
• 5:58
  Dana: Justin said he'd be back with the extra peppers and onions in a minute.
• 6:02
  Dana: Why don't you go watch the game with Dad?
• 6:05
  Mildred: I most certainly will not.
• 6:07
  Mildred: I know how you and your sister like to get creative with these recipes during the holidays.
• 6:13
  Mildred: You're not gonna ruin this meal listening to some tic-tac-toe chef that doesn't know shit.
• 6:20
  Mildred: Slow down, Christy.
• 6:22
  Mildred: That's way too much nutmeg.
• 6:24
  Christy: Yes, chef.
• 6:25
  Christy: You do remember that I went to Spelman and not Le Cordon Bleu.
• 6:30
  Mildred: Dana, I think these suburbs are turning you soft.
• 6:34
  Mildred: That's not nearly enough poultry seasoning on these gizzards.
• 6:37
  Mildred: Hit them with some more seasoning salt, too.
• 6:40
  Dana: Mom, if you wrote these recipes down with actual measurements, we wouldn't have to go through this every year.
• 6:46
  Dana: I don't go by numbers.
• 6:48
  Dana: I go by taste.
• 6:50
  Dana: And that doesn't taste right.
• 6:52
  Christy: Girl, don't even take the bait.
• 6:55
  Dana: I'm about ready to take all this food and throw it in the deep fryer.
• 6:59
  Dana: It'll cook faster and this day can be over.
• 7:03
  Justin: The champ is here.
• 7:04
  Dana: Hey, babe, right on time.
• 7:07
  Dana: We were just talking about you.
• 7:09
  Justin: I know.
• 7:10
  Justin: My ears are burning like Christy's turkey.
• 7:12
  Christy: You a damn lie.
• 7:13
  Christy: My turkey smells good.
• 7:15
  Christy: Stop starting trouble.
• 7:17
  Mildred: There will be no burned turkeys on my watch.
• 7:20
  Mildred: Now get over here and give me some sugar.
• 7:23
  Mildred: You did get our message about the powdered sugar, right?
• 7:26
  Justin: Yes, I got all fifty-‘leven of your text and calls.
• 7:29
  Justin: Y'all wrong for sending me into that war zone.
• 7:32
  Dana: I'm sorry, baby.
• 7:33
  Dana: Was it that bad?
• 7:35
  Justin: Worse.
• 7:36
  Justin: It was damn near mortal combat in the meat department.
• 7:38
  Justin: One of the big backs got her wig snatched off fighting for a ham.
• 7:42
  Mildred: Hmm.
• 7:43
  Mildred: Looks like these peppers took a few punches too.
• 7:46
  Mildred: Justin, what is this bruised mess you brought in here?
• 7:50
  Mildred: I've never seen such.
• 7:52
  Mildred: Did you go to a grocery store or to a junkyard?
• 7:55
  Mildred: And this produce is covered in dirt.
• 8:00
  Paris: Well, those vegetables do grow in the ground, Grandmama.
• 8:03
  Christy: Paris.
• 8:03
  Christy: Check your tone.
• 8:05
  Christy: What did we talk about in the car?
• 8:09
  Mildred: Oh Lord, this isn't even the right cornmeal for the dressing.
• 8:14
  Paris: Ooh.
• 8:15
  Justin: Nah, I got exactly what Dana told me to get.
• 8:18
  Justin: Yellow cornmeal mix.
• 8:20
  Mildred: Well, this doesn't look yellow to me.
• 8:22
  Mildred: Oh, smells funny.
• 8:26
  Mildred: Oh, tastes funny too.
• 8:28
  Mildred: I hope you kept the receipt.
• 8:30
  Mildred: Because all this needs to go back.
• 8:32
  Justin: Back where?
• 8:33
  Justin: Dana!
• 8:34
  Dana: Justin, don't try to put this on me.
• 8:36
  Dana: I specifically said Spiffy.
• 8:39
  Dana: Let me see your phone because I know I sent you the picture of the box.
• 8:44
  Justin: What the hell is wrong with you?
• 8:46
  Justin: Now see, if I grabbed your phone like that, it'd be a problem.
• 8:49
  Justin: You almost cracked the screen.
• 8:51
  Justin: Shit!
• 8:52
  Christy: I guess you really did lose your mind out there.
• 8:54
  Christy: If you think you can yell at my sister like that.
• 8:57
  Justin: We don't need you in this, Christy.
• 8:59
  Paris: Don't talk to my mom like that.
• 9:00
  Christy: Paris, we don't need you in this either.
• 9:03
  Mildred: Okay.
• 9:03
  Mildred: Everybody needs to hush up before I get in this.
• 9:07
  Mildred: Forget about the damn dressing.
• 9:09
  Mildred: I'll figure out something else to make.
• 9:11
  Mildred: And stop all that yelling.
• 9:13
  Mildred: My cakes are in the oven.
• 9:16
  Justin: I'm sorry, ladies.
• 9:17
  Justin: I didn't mean to raise my voice like that.
• 9:19
  Justin: I was totally out of line and my behavior is inexcusable.
• 9:23
  Justin: Guess I'm still on edge from the store.
• 9:26
  Paris: Isn't that an excuse?
• 9:28
  Christy: Paris, I'm not gonna tell you again.
• 9:31
  Justin: No, she's right.
• 9:32
  Justin: I made the mistake, so I need to make it right.
• 9:34
  Justin: Consider me your humble sous chef for the rest of the day.
• 9:38
  Justin: You can even put me on dressing duty this year.
• 9:41
  Justin: Paris, you want a tag team with your uncle?
• 9:43
  Christy: Oh, you must really want that smoke.
• 9:46
  Christy: Since he's so big and bad, I say let him have it.
• 9:50
  Justin: Cool.
• 9:50
  Justin: Challenge accepted.
• 9:52
  Dana: Fine with me.
• 9:53
  Dana: I already seasoned up the livers and gizzards really good for you.
• 9:58
  Mildred: Well, I wouldn't go that far.
• 10:00
  Mildred: Let's just say an attempt was made.
• 10:03
  Greatmomma: Justin got to work, powered by guilt, cutting, chopping, dicing, and seasoning to the hilt.
• 10:10
  Greatmomma: With Paris by his side, he almost forgot the drama brewing with Christy, Dana, and their mama.
• 10:17
  Greatmomma: He got into what you could call a good mood.
• 10:20
  Greatmomma: But rest assured, he was not a good dude.
• 10:26
  Paris: We need to make all this cornbread for the stuffing.
• 10:30
  Justin: Well, technically, we're making dressing, not stuffing.
• 10:33
  Paris: What's the difference?
• 10:35
  Justin: Stuffing cooks inside the turkey, but this bad boy right here has to stand on its own.
• 10:40
  Justin: Hand me the baking dish.
• 10:44
  Paris: Eww, are those bugs?
• 10:47
  Justin: Are you talking about those little black dots in the cornmeal?
• 10:50
  Justin: Girl, that ain't nothing but part of the corn kernel.
• 10:52
  Justin: Watch this.
• 10:54
  Paris: Uh-uh, you ate it?
• 10:56
  Paris: Yuck! That's nasty.
• 10:59
  Justin: You crazy.
• 11:00
  Justin: Ain't nothing wrong with this.
• 11:01
  Justin: Now we need to combine all the wet ingredients with the dry ingredients and make sure to mix everything up good.
• 11:08
  Paris: Why is it moving like that?
• 11:11
  Justin: Uh um, that's just the baking powder and baking soda doing their thing.
• 11:15
  Justin: You never made a volcano model for that fancy private school?
• 11:21
  Paris: Yuck! It smells like granddad's feet.
• 11:26
  Paris: Uncle Justin, your phone's blowing up again.
• 11:32
  Justin: Okay, think you can finish mixing while I take this call?
• 11:36
  Paris: I guess.
• 11:48
  Justin: Did you forget I told you to stop calling my phone?
• 11:51
  Justin: I'm tired of this shit.
• 11:52
  Angelle: Do you ever get tired of being dumb and dusty?
• 11:54
  Angelle: How long were you gonna let me keep a plate warm for you while you ran to the store?
• 11:58
  Justin: You know I'm with my family today.
• 12:01
  Angelle: Maybe it's time we all met.
• 12:03
  Angelle: I'll come through.
• 12:05
  Greatmomma: Now, as I mentioned, Justin wasn't a real family man.
• 12:09
  Greatmomma: But running away with this woman wasn't the plan.
• 12:12
  Greatmomma: If she came to his house, it'd be a hell of a night.
• 12:16
  Justin: Bitch, pop up at my house and it's on sight.
• 12:25
  Mildred: Did I tell you that I talked to your cousin Maya today?
• 12:28
  Mildred: She said she and Albert might stop by with the twins.
• 12:31
  Mildred: Won't that be nice?
• 12:33
  Mildred: I know you both heard me.
• 12:36
  Mildred: Well, I bet Paris would enjoy seeing her cousins and having some other kids her age to hang out with.
• 12:42
  Mildred: Get her out of grown folks' business for a change.
• 12:46
  Christy: Mama, I can count for you on one finger how many times Paris has thought about those badass twins.
• 12:52
  Christy: And before they come stepping up in here late with their hands and foil out, can we please establish a stopping by menu?
• 13:00
  Christy: That seafood gumbo that took us four hours to make is off limits.
• 13:05
  Christy: That's for day ones only.
• 13:07
  Dana: That part.
• 13:08
  Christy: And can we all agree their nasty stuffed mushrooms are not a fair exchange for any part of the turkey?
• 13:15
  Christy: Not even the neck.
• 13:17
  Mildred: That is so ugly.
• 13:18
  Mildred: I didn't raise y'all to be that stingy.
• 13:21
  Mildred: Walter, do you hear your daughters?
• 13:23
  Walter: That's about all I'm hearing.
• 13:25
  Walter: And not the damn game.
• 13:26
  Dana: Mama, you know, if they try to take some of your precious greens, you'd be ready to fight.
• 13:31
  Mildred: Oh, they better not.
• 13:33
  Mildred: They're not crazy.
• 13:36
  Christy: Dang, Daddy.
• 13:38
  Christy: You have the heat cranked up in here to 90 degrees.
• 13:41
  Christy: And got the nerve to be wrapped up in a blanket, too.
• 13:44
  Christy: Sis, I can't take this heat.
• 13:47
  Christy: I'm opening the window.
• 13:49
  Christy: There Justin goes again on that phone.
• 13:56
  Christy: That's the third time.
• 13:58
  Christy: Sis, come look.
• 14:00
  Christy: Um, don't you have three bathrooms in this house?
• 14:06
  Christy: So why is he crouching down behind that bush?
• 14:09
  Dana: I could really do without these surveillance reports.
• 14:12
  Dana: Get away from the window and sit down.
• 14:15
  Greatmomma: I'm guessing you can tell by now that Dana is oblivious.
• 14:18
  Greatmomma: But her big sister Christy was more than suspicious.
• 14:22
  Greatmomma: Mysterious calls, new colognes and clothes, the more Justin cut clown, the higher her antenna rose.
• 14:30
  Greatmomma: She was determined to snap little sis out of her daze, even if it meant going full CIA.
• 14:36
  Greatmomma: She snuck into the kitchen, and while Justin was baking, his phone sat on the counter, ripe for the taking.
• 14:43
  Greatmomma: Faking a peek to see if the pies had cooled. She grabbed his iPhone, time to cook this fool.
• 14:52
  Christy: Quick! What's his passcode?
• 14:54
  Dana: Are you crazy?
• 14:55
  Dana: Put Justin's phone back now.
• 14:57
  Mildred: Christy, stop minding your sister's business.
• 14:59
  Mildred: Walter, tell her to stay out of Dana's business.
• 15:03
  Walter: I'm gonna mind my own damn business and watch this game.
• 15:07
  Walter: Shh.
• 15:08
  Mildred: Sorry, honey.
• 15:09
  Mildred: Christy, just because you gave up on your own marriage, doesn't mean you need to drag your sister down, too.
• 15:16
  Christy: What?
• 15:16
  Christy: You don't even know what you're talking about.
• 15:19
  Mildred: 40 years of marriage says I do.
• 15:22
  Greatmomma: Huh.
• 15:22
  Greatmomma: You would think Mildred had it all figured out.
• 15:25
  Greatmomma: But her tips to keeping a man might trigger some doubt.
• 15:29
  Greatmomma: Fix him a plate first.
• 15:31
  Greatmomma: Keep your makeup on beat.
• 15:33
  Greatmomma: Let him watch sports.
• 15:35
  Greatmomma: Above all, keep the peace.
• 15:37
  Greatmomma: She thought her wisdom and advice could serve to inspire.
• 15:41
  Greatmomma: But the fact was her man was just old and tired.
• 15:45
  Greatmomma: If she thought back through the decades, she might see the truth.
• 15:49
  Greatmomma: He'd slipped out the back door a time or two.
• 15:53
  Greatmomma: There is no recipe, hairstyle, or brand new dress that can keep a man who don't want to be kept.
• 16:01
  Mildred: Now you got my grandbaby being bounced around every holiday.
• 16:05
  Christy: How much you want to bet that Paris isn't the only one house-hopping?
• 16:09
  Mildred: Enough! I don't want to hear this either.
• 16:11
  Christy: Dana, don't let mama get in your head.
• 16:14
  Christy: You're the one in this marriage.
• 16:15
  Christy: So this needs to be your call.
• 16:17
  Christy: What do you want to do?
• 16:20
  Dana: I don't...
• 16:21
  Christy: You should flame this fool at Grace.
• 16:26
  Dana: As we gather around this table today, I know that I am truly blessed.
• 16:31
  Dana: Lord, I thank you for this delicious food and precious time with my wonderful family.
• 16:37
  Dana: I'm especially thankful for my loving partner in the kitchen and in life, Justin.
• 16:42
  Dana: You and Paris came through big time with this dressing.
• 16:46
  Mildred: Amen.
• 16:47
  Mildred: Looks beautiful.
• 16:49
  Mildred: Like I made it.
• 16:50
  Walter: They did their thing.
• 16:51
  Dana: May you open our hearts
• 16:53
  Christy: and eyes
• 16:54
  Dana: to receive all of your gifts.
• 16:56
  Dana: Amen.
• 16:58
  Family: Amen.
• 16:59
  Walter: Now, let's eat.
• 17:00
  Walter: Y'all been blessing this food for 30 minutes.
• 17:07
  Paris' Phone: Hey girly.
• 17:09
  Mildred: Let's try to enjoy one day of peace.
• 17:11
  Mildred: Everybody put the phones away.
• 17:13
  Mildred: And Walter, please turn off the football game.
• 17:17
  Walter: Why?
• 17:17
  Walter: So we can all hear you chew?
• 17:19
  Walter: No thank you.
• 17:20
  Walter: The game's almost over, Mildred.
• 17:24
  Mildred: Fine.
• 17:24
  Mildred: But those phones need to be silenced and put away.
• 17:28
  Mildred: Now, pass them on over to me.
• 17:30
  Justin: I'm trying.
• 17:31
  Justin: I can't find my...
• 17:32
  Christy: Here.
• 17:33
  Christy: You dropped this earlier.
• 17:34
  Christy: Ni**a, I'm on to you.
• 17:37
  Greatmomma: As Justin gazed at his phone, his good mood soured.
• 17:41
  Greatmomma: He had 10 missed calls, 20 new texts, all in an hour.
• 17:45
  Greatmomma: At this point, Justin wasn't concerned about keeping his wife, so much as he was worried about losing his life.
• 17:54
  Justin: Can y'all excuse me for a sec?
• 17:56
  Justin: I really need to take this.
• 18:02
  Walter: Here they go interrupting my game again.
• 18:05
  News Anchor: Breaking news this evening, the Pinwheel Food Company is issuing a recall today for specific lots of its Sunny cornmeal mix.
• 18:12
  News Anchor: This is due to concerns that they may be contaminated with harmful bacteria.
• 18:16
  News Anchor: We go now to Stacey Gates, who's reporting live from Bronzeville with more.
• 18:20
  News Anchor: Stacey?
• 18:21
  Live News Reporter (Stacey Gates): That's right.
• 18:22
  Live News Reporter (Stacey Gates): The FDA has reported 15 cases of illness in Illinois and one death.
• 18:26
  Live News Reporter (Stacey Gates): So far, the tainted cornmeal has been traced to Squawk and Squeal stores in the following neighborhoods: Bronzeville, Englewood, North Lawndale, and Roseland.
• 18:37
  Live News Reporter (Stacey Gates): I'm Stacey Gates.
• 18:39
  Live News Reporter (Stacey Gates): Back to you in the studio.
• 18:44
  News Anchor: If you purchased any of these products, do not use them or consume them.
• 18:47
  News Anchor: Consumers are being advised to throw them away immediately or return to the place of purchase for a full refund.
• 18:54
  News Anchor: Now for a cat parade down the middle of Lincoln Park.
• 18:58
  Mildred: These stores love to come to Black neighborhoods, but never offer the same quality of products.
• 19:03
  Mildred: We need to boycott y'all.
• 19:05
  Mildred: You know uh, I marched with Dr.
• 19:08
  Mildred: King.
• 19:08
  Christy: You're gonna give back all this food.
• 19:11
  Christy: Dana, didn't this come from Squawk and Squeal?
• 19:20
  Dana: Uh uh, yeah.
• 19:22
  Dana: Justin, what are you doing?
• 19:30
  Justin: I need to check the lot numbers on the corn meal boxes.
• 19:33
  Dana: Why?
• 19:33
  Dana: Where did this food come from?
• 19:35
  Dana: Wait, were you in Bronzeville today?
• 19:39
  Dana: Is that why you took so long?
• 19:41
  Dana: Are you seeing that bitch again?
• 19:49
  Christy: It's daddy! He was eating some food and just fell out.
• 19:53
  Mildred: Somebody give me my purse from the guest bathroom.
• 19:55
  Mildred: I have his medicine.
• 19:57
  Christy: Paris, go upstairs and get grandma's bag, quick.
• 20:02
  Justin: The fuck?
• 20:03
  Dana: Is that shit moving?
• 20:06
  Greatmomma: Yes, ma'am, the dressing rose up.
• 20:09
  Greatmomma: All in them giblets and liver, making it look like a flowing brown river.
• 20:13
  Greatmomma: It gobbled the turkey, then sopped up a biscuit.
• 20:17
  Greatmomma: Mildred almost reached out to save the greens, but was smart not to risk it.
• 20:21
  Greatmomma: It sucked down cranberry sauce, knocked over the good mac and cheese, moving faster down the table with relative ease.
• 20:29
  Greatmomma: The disgusting brown slop showed no signs of retreating.
• 20:35
  Christy: Oh my god.
• 20:36
  Christy: This dressing! Holy shit! It's eating! Damn it! The gumbo's all gone.
• 20:44
  Christy: Turkey wings! Roast!
• 20:46
  Dana: Mom! No! Leave it!
• 20:53
  Greatmomma: Mildred took a swing at the dressing, but it had just grown too big.
• 20:57
  Greatmomma: That thing sucked her down whole then spit out her wig.
• 21:03
  Dana: That thing ate mom.
• 21:06
  Justin: Come on, we gotta get the hell out of here!
• 21:08
  Dana: I can't leave without my dad.
• 21:11
  Dana: Help me move him.
• 21:13
  Justin: Baby, he's cold.
• 21:15
  Justin: My dad's always cold.
• 21:18
  Justin: No, I don't think he's breathing.
• 21:20
  Justin: Look, we gotta go now.
• 21:22
  Justin: You see that shit has a taste for dark meat.
• 21:26
  Dana: Christy, what the hell are you doing?
• 21:29
  Christy: Looking for the salt and that bottle of sage.
• 21:31
  Christy: We need to cleanse and protect this place from evil.
• 21:33
  Christy: We don't have holy water, but but we got the holy trinity.
• 21:37
  Dana: Sage, all you're gonna do is season that thing, and you'll end up just like mom.
• 21:42
  Justin: We need to be running, not casting spells, ladies.
• 21:45
  Justin: More footwork, less root work.
• 21:49
  Christy: Paris, don't don't come down here.
• 21:52
  Christy: Baby, stay back.
• 21:54
  Christy: It's not safe.
• 21:56
  Paris: But I got granddad's shot from the bathroom, and this.
• 21:59
  Paris: Says this disinfectant kills 99.9% of viruses and bacteria.
• 22:06
  Justin: It's working.
• 22:08
  Dana: Run! Everybody try to make it to the back door.
• 22:15
  Justin: Y'all, take Paris and go to the neighbors.
• 22:18
  Justin: I'll meet you there.
• 22:19
  Christy: We need to call the police.
• 22:20
  Christy: Or, poison control.
• 22:21
  Christy: Where did mom put our phones?
• 22:23
  Justin: Christy! Did you take my phone again?
• 22:26
  Justin: It's not in my pocket.
• 22:27
  Christy: I don't have your damn phone.
• 22:29
  Dana: I do.
• 22:30
  Dana: What's the passcode?
• 22:32
  Dana: Stop fucking around and give her the passcode.
• 22:37
  Paris: Hurry! That thing is coming back!
• 22:40
  Christy: Do you wanna die, dummy?
• 22:42
  Christy: Give her the code!
• 22:43
  Justin: Three, four, two, six, three, six! Uh, baby, I'm not gonna lie.
• 22:52
  Justin: You might be seeing some stuff right now that could use an explanation.
• 22:56
  Justin: I did some stupid things in the moment of weakness, but please know that I always loved you.
• 23:04
  Dana: What is all of this?
• 23:05
  Dana: Whose breasts are these?
• 23:08
  Justin: You got that promotion and started working late.
• 23:11
  Justin: I admit, I got a little restless.
• 23:14
  Justin: Then you was acting like you didn't want to do the stuff you did before we got married.
• 23:18
  Justin: You know the stuff I'm talking about?
• 23:21
  Christy: Nasty! Dana, I told you his ass wasn't shit.
• 23:25
  Christy: What did I say?
• 23:26
  Dana: You and Paris should go.
• 23:28
  Christy: Hell no! I'm not leaving you with this monster or that one.
• 23:32
  Dana: Go! I'm choosing to stay with my husband.
• 23:36
  Christy: You better than me.
• 23:37
  Christy: Well, at least take this spray can.
• 23:40
  Christy: We'll be back with help.
• 23:44
  Justin: Spray it, quick! It's on my fucking foot! What are you doing?
• 23:49
  Justin: Don't just stand there.
• 23:50
  Justin: Help me! Oh god! It's on my thigh!
• 24:02
  Dana: Looks like you got yourself a real freak.
• 24:05
  Dana: And she swallows.
• 24:09
  Angelle: Come on out, clown! I know you're in there.
• 24:12
  Angelle: I can hear you breathing, stupid.
• 24:17
  Dana: You must be my husband's work friend.
• 24:19
  Dana: Angelle, right?
• 24:21
  Dana: He mentioned you might stop by.
• 24:24
  Angelle: Friend?
• 24:24
  Angelle: Look, I didn't come here to fight, but you should know that your man has been...
• 24:29
  Dana: I know.
• 24:29
  Dana: Look, let's talk about this inside like adults.
• 24:33
  Dana: I even saved you a plate.
• 24:57
  Store Announcer: Customer service needed.
• 25:03
  Store Employee: Hey, uh, sir, what should I do?
• 25:04
  Store Employee: We've got at least fifty customers demanding to return that Sunny cornmeal mix.
• 25:10
  Store Clerk: Oh Christ! Tell them to line up by the customer service desk, and I'll be there in a second.
• 25:16
  Store Clerk: And start putting the Spiffy cornmeal on the shelves.
• 25:20
  Store Clerk: Move! Let's go!
• 25:22
  Store Employee: Where is it?
• 25:24
  Store Clerk: Back of the store.
• 25:42
  Greatmomma: The rest of the family is still talking about the dressing to this day.
• 25:46
  Greatmomma: An entire branch of relations just gobbled away.
• 25:50
  Greatmomma: It shows what happens when you step out on your tried and true.
• 25:55
  Greatmomma: Whether it's the cornbread or your family, karma will come to get you.
• 26:00
  Greatmomma: Nah, contaminated dressing wasn't the only danger.
• 26:05
  Greatmomma: That dinner was served with a side of lies and anger.
• 26:09
  Greatmomma: It also proved the old saying, without a doubt, you just can't eat at everybody's house.
• 26:16
  Greatmomma: So when you sit down at the table and say your blessing, make sure your menu doesn't include the dressing.
• 26:25
  Greatmomma: Myth Lab Entertainment presents: Home for the Holidays. A new horror comedy anthology.
• 26:53
  Greatmomma: Tune in for the next episode of Home for the Holidays.
• 26:58
  Greatmomma: A meddling woman gets more than she bargained for when she bothers her strange neighbor about his holiday display in: "All of the Lights." Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.