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5-MINUTE FRIDAY: Why Choosing Kindness Always Wins · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Hey, everybody. Emily Abadi here. You are listening to 5-Minute
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Friday Unheard All. If you're watching on the YouTube, I'm
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: in a new setting today. I'm in Santa Monica, California.
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  Speaker 1: I came in hot this morning, landing around 6.30 from Sydney, Australia.
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  Speaker 2: And wow, wow, wow.
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  Speaker 1: I actually really enjoyed the flight. I had a very
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  Speaker 1: relaxing 13 and a half hours. But the theme of
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  Speaker 1: the day was kindness in that there were so many
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  Speaker 1: slightly bizarre interactions that I had during this travel day
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  Speaker 1: that reminded me the importance of just being a good human.
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  Speaker 1: For instance, I am on the road for quite a bit,
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  Speaker 1: as y'all know. And so I am certainly pushing some
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  Speaker 1: of the limits when it comes to what I should
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  Speaker 1: be weight-wise bringing onto the plane. Now, I have never
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  Speaker 1: had a carry-on bag weighed at the airport, but of course,
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  Speaker 1: today was going to be the day. And so I'm
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  Speaker 1: sitting with, I don't know, dozens. There's probably, I don't
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  Speaker 1: know how many seats are on the first flight that
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  Speaker 1: I'm taking from Melbourne to Sydney, but there are dozens
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  Speaker 1: of people around me, so many different bags of shapes
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  Speaker 1: and sizes. And the man at 5.30 in the morning
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  Speaker 1: comes up to specifically me and asks to weigh my
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  Speaker 1: carry-on bag. And I already know. I don't even know
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  Speaker 1: right now what the weight limit is supposed to be,
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  Speaker 1: but I already know that it's going to be over.
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  Speaker 1: And so I say, of course, no problem. I just
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  Speaker 1: want to let you know that I have a lot
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  Speaker 1: of podcasting equipment in this bag and I can't put
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  Speaker 1: it under the plane. So it's probably going to be
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  Speaker 1: running a little bit heavy. He puts it on the scale.
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  Speaker 1: I want to say it's double the amount that it's
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  Speaker 1: supposed to be. And I say to him, I was like,
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  Speaker 1: would it be better for you if I put a
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  Speaker 1: lot of this equipment into the bag that I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to be putting under the seat?
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  Speaker 2: In my head, I'm like, he's telling me when we weigh.
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  Speaker 1: The bag that it's a safety thing, that we don't
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  Speaker 1: want to put too much weight in the overhead. And
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  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, fair. And also I recognize that this
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  Speaker 1: man's just trying to do his job. So I don't
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  Speaker 1: even think about the fact that the bag I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to put under the seat is going to weigh so much.
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  Speaker 1: He says, yeah, that would be great. And so I
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  Speaker 1: move stuff in the bag. We weigh the bag again.
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  Speaker 2: It's still over, I want to say by maybe like.
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  Speaker 1: Four kilograms, but... it's dramatically less than it was before.
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  Speaker 1: And he says, I totally understand. Listen, we'll just get
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  Speaker 1: you on the plane within the first group so that
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  Speaker 1: we can make sure your bag gets up there safely.
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  Speaker 1: Like I could have been a little snippy with him.
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  Speaker 1: I could have been the person that's like, you're not
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  Speaker 1: weighing anybody else's bags. But I also recognize that I
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  Speaker 1: was doing something that I wasn't supposed to be doing.
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  Speaker 1: And I know that in order to get the outcome
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  Speaker 1: that I desire, I have to think about how can
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  Speaker 1: I act in a way that not only represents me well,
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  Speaker 1: but gets me to where I want to be. And
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  Speaker 1: that's been such a through line over the last handful
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  Speaker 1: of years in everything from business to my personal life.
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  Speaker 1: This is just one instance. Okay, if I treat this
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  Speaker 1: man with kindness, it's could get me a different result.
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  Speaker 1: It could get me the result that I wanted. And
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  Speaker 1: he also could have been like, I'm sorry, you can't
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  Speaker 1: travel like this. And I would have had to accept
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  Speaker 1: that because that's just the way that the world works. Again,
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  Speaker 1: I wasn't following the rules, so to speak.
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  Speaker 2: So it was my fault anyway. It was my fault anyway.
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  Speaker 2: But I was nice to him. He was nice to me.
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  Speaker 2: And we proceeded on with our day.
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  Speaker 1: Then.
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  Speaker 2: Then I get.
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  Speaker 1: To the Sydney airport and I don't even realize when
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  Speaker 1: booking this flight to Los Angeles, how tight the connection is.
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  Speaker 1: I'm literally running and I have to take a bus.
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  Speaker 1: They're boarding my flight when I'm on the transfer bus,
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  Speaker 1: knowing that I have to and do all the pre
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  Speaker 1: things to get to my gate. So I get off
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  Speaker 1: of the transfer bus.
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  Speaker 2: I get to where I need to be.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm realizing and scared in this moment that I
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  Speaker 1: was supposed to grab my bag, my checked bag from
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  Speaker 1: the other terminal and get it to my new flight
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  Speaker 1: because they are so far apart. Well, there's nothing I
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  Speaker 1: can do. I'm literally like in my head, live and
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  Speaker 1: let go. Like whatever's about to happen with my checked
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  Speaker 1: bag will happen. I am going to make this LA flight.
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  Speaker 1: If my checked bag doesn't make the flight because of
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  Speaker 1: my error, again, it's on me. I have no idea
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  Speaker 1: what's going on. As I mentioned, the flight's already boarding.
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  Speaker 1: When I get to the new terminal, I'm going through
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  Speaker 1: security without fail.
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  Speaker 2: Again, I'm carrying so much equipment with me.
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  Speaker 1: And it's not stuff that individuals that work in TSA
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  Speaker 1: see all of the time. The bags go to the
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  Speaker 1: side where that means that someone has to look through
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  Speaker 1: them again.
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  Speaker 2: I'm like, they're already on zone two. I'm taking a
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  Speaker 2: deep breath.
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  Speaker 1: And....
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  Speaker 2: I, you know, greet the people with kindness. I'm like, hello,
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  Speaker 2: how are you? And they're like, do you have camera
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  Speaker 2: equipment in here?
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  Speaker 1: And I'm like, that's exactly what it is. She's like,
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  Speaker 1: is this like some sort of thing that holds? She's
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  Speaker 1: asking me so many questions about the equipment. I'm just
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  Speaker 1: answering them. And again, this is my problem. It's not
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  Speaker 1: their problem. And so they do their job. I treat
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  Speaker 1: them nicely. I then graduate to the passport line to
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  Speaker 1: just scan your passport to go to your gate. And
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  Speaker 1: this line is quite long. And I say to the
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  Speaker 1: nice two couples of people in front of me, I say,
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  Speaker 1: I totally understand this isn't your problem, but my flight's
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  Speaker 1: boarding right now.
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  Speaker 2: Would you mind if I go in front? Both of them,
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  Speaker 2: so nice.
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  Speaker 1: Again, no one has to do me any favors, but
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  Speaker 1: the through line of today is, If you're nice to people,
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  Speaker 1: you might get the thing that it is that you're after.
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  Speaker 1: The last case of, wow, nicety is everything. I'm on
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  Speaker 1: the plane now. I am looking at find my on
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  Speaker 1: my iPhone. My bag is not near the plane. And
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  Speaker 1: we hear from the captain that the plane is going
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  Speaker 1: to be delayed about 20 minutes from pushing back from
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  Speaker 1: the gate. And so I ring my little flight attendant
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  Speaker 1: button and someone comes over to me and I said, hi,
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  Speaker 1: I had a super tight connection from Melbourne and I
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  Speaker 1: think I've gathered that the airline does transfer my bag,
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  Speaker 1: but it seems to be very far away right now.
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  Speaker 1: And they said, we're actually delayed because of a lot
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  Speaker 1: of baggage that's not on board. So that's good news
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  Speaker 1: for your bag. And I said, can I give you
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  Speaker 1: my information? I know at the desk at the front,
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  Speaker 1: they had a list of bags that they were waiting on.
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  Speaker 1: And they said, of course, we'll try to look for it.
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  Speaker 1: So they go do.
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  Speaker 2: What they do.
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  Speaker 1: I'm sitting there getting cozy in my seat after sprinting
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  Speaker 1: through the terminal to get to.
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  Speaker 2: to get to the flight in the first place.
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  Speaker 1: And they come back about 10 minutes later and they say, okay,
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  Speaker 1: so we talked to the gate agents and we can't
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  Speaker 1: guarantee that your bag is going to make this flight,
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  Speaker 1: but we will do our best. And I know, again,
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  Speaker 1: that the people on the plane, the flight attendants, they
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  Speaker 1: don't have any control on whether or not....
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  Speaker 2: This is all on me.
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  Speaker 1: So it just gets to be two things at once here.
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  Speaker 1: The first thing is you can't do anything about the
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  Speaker 1: things that you can't control. And so sitting there being
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  Speaker 1: anxious about the fact that my bag might not make
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  Speaker 1: the flight, I'm thinking, of course, of the fact that, wow,
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  Speaker 1: this is a really far flight for my bag not
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  Speaker 1: to make it. I wonder when the next flight is.
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  Speaker 1: How would this work? I've knocks on every ounce of
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  Speaker 1: wood around me. I have never had a bag miss
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  Speaker 1: a flight. So this would be a pretty unfortunate circumstance
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  Speaker 1: for that to happen. But I just sat there and
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  Speaker 1: I said, this is how it is now. And this
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  Speaker 1: applies to so many things. It is so much easier
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  Speaker 1: said than done not to let your thoughts and your
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  Speaker 1: feelings totally overwhelm you, totally get you caught up in
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  Speaker 1: the moment. But for me, it was like, all right,
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  Speaker 1: I cannot literally do a single thing. So all I
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  Speaker 1: can do is start to regulate how I'm feeling, is
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  Speaker 1: start to take a deep breath and say, we will
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  Speaker 1: deal with whatever happens.
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  Speaker 2: Whatever will be, will be.
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  Speaker 1: And five minutes later, the flight attendant came back to
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  Speaker 1: me and he showed me his little device and he said,
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  Speaker 1: the bags on the plane. And for the rest of
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  Speaker 1: the flight, they were my buddies. They were so sweet
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  Speaker 1: to me and so kind and so... I just know
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  Speaker 1: that in a world that is hectic and everyone is
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  Speaker 1: truly just trying to do their best and no one
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  Speaker 1: knows what anyone around you is or them is dealing with,
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  Speaker 1: choose to be kind, right? Choose to be kind because
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  Speaker 1: being snappy, being short, being whatever, it's just, it's not
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  Speaker 1: worth it. And I say this all the time.
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  Speaker 2: You know this.
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  Speaker 1: Energy attracts like energy. I want to put good energy
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  Speaker 1: into the world. I want to put good energy into
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  Speaker 1: the world because that is what I want to come
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  Speaker 1: back to me.
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  Speaker 2: All right.
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  Speaker 1: My prompt for you this week, where are you letting
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  Speaker 1: overwhelm get in the way? Where can you let go
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  Speaker 1: a little bit? Can you be in a position where
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  Speaker 1: you can choose kindness? Can you, and I know you can,
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  Speaker 1: then make that conscious choice more often? Where can you
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  Speaker 1: flex your kind muscle? And how can you bring that
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  Speaker 1: a little bit more into your day today? And now
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  Speaker 1: let's hit up a listener question. Hey, Emily, my name
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  Speaker 1: is Aparna. I am from India. I'm a long-term listener
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  Speaker 1: of the podcast and haven't missed a single 5-Minute Friday episode.
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  Speaker 2: I recently read the book Grit.
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  Speaker 1: It said there's a hard way to develop grit and
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  Speaker 1: that's to develop it from the Then there's the easy way.
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  Speaker 1: That's by being in the company or culture of high achievers.
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  Speaker 1: I'm in my 30s and I work from home. I've
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: lost contact with most of my friends from my 20s
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  Speaker 1: and I haven't really made new friends since then. How
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  Speaker 1: do I go about finding my people again who will
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  Speaker 1: inspire me to be my best? Thanks for listening to
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  Speaker 1: my question. Best wishes, Aparna. What a profound question.
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  Speaker 2: I like this.
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  Speaker 1: It is... We hear it all the time. We are
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  Speaker 1: some of the people that we surround ourselves with. First
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  Speaker 1: of all, I want to recognize that this is so
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  Speaker 1: common to get into this place where you get older
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  Speaker 1: and people segue into different periods of their lives. They're
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: in different chapters. And so making new friends as you
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  Speaker 1: get older is both common and difficult. So again, I
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: want to recognize that. Now, when it comes to how
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  Speaker 1: to make friends as you get older, friends that really
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  Speaker 1: align with your values, I would say the first and
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  Speaker 1: best suggestion that I have is to find people that
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  Speaker 1: have common interests with you. So that's why so many people,
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  Speaker 1: for instance, find community within running, find community within run
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  Speaker 1: clubs or run crews, right? Because you are coming upon
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  Speaker 1: a group of people that have a like-minded interest, that
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  Speaker 1: are passionate about caring about their health and well-being, are
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  Speaker 1: passionate and probably motivated, are people that are going after
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  Speaker 1: things that excite them, especially when these groups are creating
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  Speaker 1: training plans and groups that are all going toward.
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  Speaker 2: A similar goal.
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  Speaker 1: You are finding people that have that commonality within you,
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  Speaker 1: within them, and something that you also have yourself. And
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  Speaker 1: so with that said, I would say it could be
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  Speaker 1: a run club, sure, but it can be any other interest.
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  Speaker 1: Think about the other hobbies that you have. Are you
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: someone that likes to do improv? Are you someone that
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  Speaker 1: likes to knit? Are you someone that likes to write?
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  Speaker 1: I have a friend that goes to poetry class. I
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  Speaker 1: have so many friends talking about other workout and movement modalities.
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  Speaker 1: Friends that have communities within CrossFit and spinning and lifting
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  Speaker 1: and dancing, right? There are so many different things that
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  Speaker 1: you can do that are ways that you can enjoy
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  Speaker 1: yourself and also ways to network and cultivate community.
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  Speaker 2: So I would say start there.
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  Speaker 1: And then the second piece of advice that I would
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  Speaker 1: say is that if you are someone that's actively looking
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  Speaker 1: to grow your network to make new relationships, then you
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  Speaker 1: have to be cognizant of where your feet are. And
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: what I mean by that is that When you're walking
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  Speaker 1: around in the world, the last way that you're going
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  Speaker 1: to make new friends, meet new people, is if you
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  Speaker 1: are walking around staring at your device. So be present.
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  Speaker 1: Be where your feet are.
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  Speaker 2: Look around.
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  Speaker 1: Smile at people. Put the effort in. Again, energy attracts
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  Speaker 1: like energy. So approach any situation like you would want
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  Speaker 1: someone to approach you. Bring that kindness. Step into it fully.
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  Speaker 1: And you might be surprised with who you meet out there.
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  Speaker 2: I hope this helps.
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  Speaker 1: Again, I recognize it's so hard to make friends as
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  Speaker 1: you get older. And so have a little bit of
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  Speaker 1: grace with yourself. Understand that not every single person that
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  Speaker 1: you think you might be able to form a relationship
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  Speaker 1: with is going to be the right person for you.
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  Speaker 2: And that's okay.
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  Speaker 1: You get to feel it out. You get to do you.
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  Speaker 1: Take it one day at a time. And again, be
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  Speaker 1: easy with yourself, okay? Make sure you're following along with
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: Hurdle over on social. It's over at Hurdle Podcast. I'm
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: over at Emily Abadi. Comment, like, subscribe, wherever you're watching
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: or listening to this.
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  Speaker 2: I appreciate you. Another hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time.