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Be Real, Not Nice: It Was Always YOU. · Unlocking The Paradigm Portal

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  Good morning and welcome back to Unlocking the Paradigm Portal.
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  My name is Sarah. I'm not messing around today.
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  It's 5:00 in the morning on a Friday and I don't have coffee,
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  so I'm jumping right in. You've been waiting for someone
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  to come rescue you, right? For the right person to finally
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  see you, for the circumstances to align, For the healing to
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  arrive from somewhere outside of you.
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  The right relationship, the right program, the right moment
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  of grace that finally does the work that you have been too
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  tired to do alone. And the whole time that you were
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  waiting, you were already doing it.
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  Every single time you got up when you had every reason not
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  to. Every time you walked away from
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  the thing that was going to end you.
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  Every time you said the word yes, no, done enough, F off,
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  whatever it might have been before anyone gave you
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  permission. Every time you got yourself up
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  off that floor, literally, figuratively, maybe
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  metaphorically, in the dark, alone, when no one was watching
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  and no one was coming. That was not luck.
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  That was not timing. That was you operating at a
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  level of self loyalty you have never once looked at directly
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  and called by its correct name. And you've been handing the
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  credit for it to everyone else. And you know what, my friends?
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  That ends today. So your truth Hammer for this
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  morning, Part 1, we're going to break it down into two-part 1 of
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  the Truth Hammer. Think about the moments that you
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  actually survived, and I don't mean eventually got through.
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  I mean actually survived in the room in the moment when the only
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  option was you and you walked away from the thing that was
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  going to break you. Even when every part of you
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  wanted to stay. Even when leaving felt like
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  failure. Even when you had convinced
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  yourself that staying was love and going was giving up.
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  Something underneath the fear, underneath the story you've been
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  telling yourself for years, said not this.
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  And you listened. You said done before you could
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  explain it. You said no before you had
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  permission. You turned toward the hard thing
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  in a moment where every exit was available and you didn't take
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  any of them. You got yourself up off the
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  floor more times than you can count.
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  Not because it was easy, and not because you felt ready, and not
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  because the circumstances were right or the support was there.
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  Because something in you flatly refused to stay down.
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  And that is not a small thing. That is the entire thing, and
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  you have been treating it like it doesn't count.
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  So instead of looking at that, instead of saying I've been the
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  one constant I've been catching myself in every single chapter
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  of my life, you've been asking why no one else will do it for
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  you. Why won't they stay?
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  Why won't they see me? Why won't they choose me?
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  Why won't they confirm what I need to know about my worth?
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  Well, guess what? Because they can't.
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  Not because you're not worth it, you are completely, but because
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  that confirmation was never theirs to give.
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  It was never in anyone else's possession.
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  You have been reaching for it in everyone else's hands, but it
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  has been in yours the whole time.
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  Now here's the truth. Hammer Part 2.
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  And this is the part that it might be difficult to sit with.
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  Every time you outsourced it, every time you handed your worth
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  to another person and said please hold this, please confirm
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  this, please be the proof that I'm worth catching.
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  You also handed away your ability to feel it because you
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  cannot feel the power that you are actively giving to someone
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  else to hold. The partner who didn't stay?
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  You handed it to them. The friend who didn't show up?
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  You handed it to them. The parent who never said the
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  thing? You handed it to them.
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  And when they couldn't give it back because they never had it,
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  you decided that meant something about your worth.
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  And it didn't. It never did.
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  The only thing it meant was that you were looking in the wrong
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  place for something that was never lost to begin with.
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  You've been treating the evidence of your own resilience
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  like it's background noise, like it's just what happens to
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  people. Like anyone would have done what
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  you did. They wouldn't.
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  They don't. Most people don't do what you
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  have done. Most people stay on the floor
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  longer. Most people go back.
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  Most people choose the familiar wound one more time, five more
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  times, 20 more times, because the unfamiliar feels too much
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  like risk. It feels scary.
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  And you got up and you walked away and you said the word and
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  you chose differently. That's a big deal.
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  That is yours now. Own it.
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  There is a Ledger running in your head and it tracks what
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  you've survived, what was promised and not delivered, what
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  you needed and didn't get, what was taken, what was lost.
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  And the entry that keeps appearing at the top of that
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  Ledger reads like this. I keep falling and no one is
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  catching me. But I'm going to tell you that
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  is a very incomplete entry because if you expanded it,
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  let's say it was a digital thing, and you can click on it
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  and it opens up the full description.
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  What the full entry reads that you're not seeing is I keep
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  falling and I keep catching myself and I keep getting up and
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  I keep moving forward every time without a single exception.
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  Not once in your entire life did you need to get up and not get
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  up. Not one chapter you didn't
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  eventually move through, not one floor that you stayed on, not
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  one moment that ended you, even the ones that should have.
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  The rescue that you have been waiting for has been happening
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  your entire life. You just haven't been calling it
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  by the right name. You called it surviving.
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  You called it coping. You called it getting through.
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  You called it having no other choice.
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  Call it what it actually is. Call it catching yourself.
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  Call it the consistent, unbroken evidence of a person who has
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  never once abandoned themselves when it actually counted.
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  The power that you've been looking for outside yourself has
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  been operating inside of you your entire life.
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  It got you here. It will get you through what
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  comes next. It has never failed you, not
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  once, not ever. And you've been acting like it
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  doesn't exist. Take it back.
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  Stop handing it out. Stop waiting for someone to
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  return it to you like it was ever theirs to hold in the 1st
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  place. Start making decisions from the
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  truth of what you have already proven you can do.
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  Not from the fear of what happens if no one shows up.
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  Not from the wound asking its question one more time.
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  From the evidence, from the actual record of who you have
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  been. In every moment that required
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  someone to stay, someone always showed up.
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  It was you every single time. It has always been you.
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  You have been catching yourself the whole time and only noticing
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  when other people haven't. So this is not bravado, this is
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  what years of doing the actual work looks like.
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  You didn't get to this point by accident.
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  You got here by choosing to see clearly, and every single time
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  it when it would have been easier not to.
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  So stop waiting for permission to believe that you just gave it
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  to yourself. And if you still have these
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  threads of needing external permission, I am sitting here
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  giving you full permission. Take back your damn power and
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  you're stoned for today. Right down to three times that
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  you caught yourself. Three times the rescue came from
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  inside of you. The call came from inside the
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  house. I think that's from a horror
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  movie or a true crime thing. Three times that you got up when
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  no one was coming and keep that list.
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  Look at it when the wound starts asking that question again and
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  starts poking and telling you that you're not good enough,
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  you're unlovable, you're unworthy, whatever it may be. 3
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  times that you caught yourself because you know you can list
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  way more than three, but we're going to start with three.
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  Keep the list on your phone, on your lock screen, print it out
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  and laminate it. I don't give a shit what you do,
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  but keep that list. It's important because the
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  answer has always been on that list and the answer has always
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  been you. I will be back tomorrow for
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  Light in the Dark, Sunday for deep dives, and next week we
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  start all over again with a whole new topic.
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  If you have any suggestions, let me know in the comments.
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  Like share, subscribe, hype, do all the things.
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  But honestly, I I probably should care, but I don't care
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  about all those things. I care that you come back and
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  that you keep growing and expanding and finding who you
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  truly are beneath all the layers of bullshit.
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  O Come back and sit with me again.
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  All right, I will see you next time.