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Creating Harmony and Understanding Requires a Change of Consciousness · Sri Aurobindo Studies

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  The mental consciousness believes, first of all, that the
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  particular viewpoint held by an individual is correct and that
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  other viewpoints are wrong. The vital nature wants to assert
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  itself and gain dominance. The limited and linear framework
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  of the normal human consciousness ensures that there
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  will be disagreement, dispute, and eventually a state of
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  gridlock where opposing ideas contend with each other and no
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  one is willing or able to compromise because they hold
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  their own view to be the correct one.
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  We see this dynamic everywhere. People who are mentally oriented
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  believe that they can gather facts, organize logical
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  arguments, and thereby convince people.
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  People who are more emotion centered believe that by a
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  simple expression of goodwill or empathy that people will come
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  together and agree. Others who are centered in the
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  vital nature primarily believe that through exercise of power
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  and domination they will be able to get people to agree with them
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  using various forms of bullying or pressure.
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  None of these approaches has shown success in actual practice
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  throughout all of human history. We can look on the resolution of
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  disagreements, whether interpersonal or on a larger
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  scale, in society and its institutions as a form of
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  negotiation. The various approaches to
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  negotiation as set forth above, each have their limitations,
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  primarily due to the fact that there is no comprehensive
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  understanding that can incorporate all sides of the
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  misunderstanding. Take into account the different
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  viewpoints and needs of the various parties to the
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  misunderstanding, and thereby find ways to develop a synthesis
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  that resolves concerns each party is holding.
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  The game of chess, as played by most casual players, is a game
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  of strategy that offers people the opportunity to explore
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  different ways of approaching mutual problems.
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  There is the problem of attack in the form of checkmating the
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  opposing king, and there is the problem of defence in the form
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  of protecting one's king. Those who are overly fixated on
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  their own viewpoint and solution will frequently try to implement
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  an attack without fully appreciating or understanding
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  the other party's similar attempt to launch an attack.
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  Thus, one may easily find that the attack winds up falling into
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  a trap and losing to the opposing player by failing to
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  see the position and plans of the other party.
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  Chess players are therefore encouraged to occasionally turn
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  the board around, so to speak, and look at things from the
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  other player's viewpoint. A useful exercise helpful in
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  negotiations and wider harmony of understanding.
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  Which brings us to the art of negotiation and the role of
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  shifting to a new consciousness in order to achieve what we call
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  win win resolutions. The new consciousness embodies
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  not only one's own particular viewpoint, but takes a more
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  global view that can see, understand and incorporate in
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  its more complete picture the viewpoints of other individuals
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  and concerns that need to be resolved.
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  Things are not either or in this consciousness, they are rather
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  nuanced to appreciate not only differing viewpoints but also
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  differing needs, desired outcomes and ways of seeing and
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  responding. A person embedded deeply in a
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  mental framework will have a hard time understanding the
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  emotion centered person. The person who only sees the
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  exercise of raw vital dominance and exertion of power cannot
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  understand the concerns raised by the mental or the emotion
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  oriented individual. Name calling and finger pointing
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  are not strategies for successful resolution but
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  express a basic insecurity in the power dynamic and thus
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  cannot bring about a fair and balanced resolution.
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  A new consciousness is one that can walk in the shoes of another
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  individual, appreciate the core validity of that viewpoint from
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  the other perspective, and work toward a solution that can
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  address the basic needs, concerns, and views of the other
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  party. It is useful to spend some time
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  reflecting on different viewpoints and trying to
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  appreciate where the other party is coming from Before 1 simply
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  reacts with the normal mental, emotional or vital or even
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  physical approaches. The resultant solution tends to
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  be more harmonious, more satisfying and more stable, as
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  it does not breed resentment of having had to either bow down to
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  a form of vital pressure in a power dynamic or compromise
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  serious beliefs simply to get along.
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  Eventually, the party who feels oppressed will use any
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  opportunity given in the future to overturn or disrupt the
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  artificial harmony of the compromise, Sriorabindo notes
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  quote. This misunderstanding between
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  two minds can only be cured by a change of consciousness.
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  For when one goes into a deeper consciousness first one sees the
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  cause of these things and is not troubled.
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  One acquires an understanding, patience and tolerance that
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  makes one free from vexation and other reactions.
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  If both or all grow in consciousness, then there arises
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  a mental understanding of each other's viewpoints which makes
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  it easier to bring in harmony and smooth working.
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  It is this that should be sought by the change within.
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  To create the same harmony from outside by exterior means is not
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  so easy, as the human mind is stiff in its perceptions and the
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  human vital insistent on its own way of action.
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  Let this be your main will to grow yourself within, and let
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  the clearer and deeper consciousness come, and have a
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  goodwill for the same change to come in others, so that charity
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  and harmony may come in the place of friction and
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  misunderstanding. End Quote Reference.
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  Srioro Bindo and the Mother. Looking from Within, Chapter 2.
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  Looking at Oneself and Others, pages 43 to 44.