Latest / The Rosanne Callens Podcast / E15: Nobody Prepares Moms for High School Graduation | with Stacey Robinson
Transcript
- Rosanne Callens: The other thing is, like if you, if you ⁓ mess up a line, you could be like, or like you just get excited in something that blah blah blah, then you can just say, ⁓ I'm gonna repeat that line or whatever. Okay. Like I've I now know how to edit some things out. Whereas before I was like, this is what it's gonna be. And I didn't know what I was doing. Okay, it's so funny. All right, let me ⁓ I'm gonna hit, okay. Are you ready? It's already recording, so I'm gonna start, I'm gonna start us off. Stacey Robinson: So, I'm away. Rosanne Callens: Take a deep breath. Stacey, I'm so proud of you. ⁓ my gosh. Okay, let me press play. Okay. ⁓ three, two, one, go. Hi, friends. Today's episode is for every parent who's ever looked at their child and thought, how did we get here so fast? One minute you're packing lunches, driving to practices, and helping with homework and reminding them to even put on deodorant. And the next minute you're sitting at graduation wondering, where did all those years go? Stacey Robinson: I'm Rosanne Callens: I think that we spend so much time preparing our children for what's next, but nobody prepares the parents for what it feels like when they go through these times and when they leave. And my guest today is one of my dearest friends, Stacey Robinson. We've been through a lot as parents over the years. We've shared daycare days, school events, celebrations, milestones, and all the beautiful chaos that comes with raising kids. And Stacey. Before we get into these questions, I have to tell the truth about how this episode came together. ⁓ our, you know, we go way back and our babies, like I said, were in daycare together and we watched them grow up. And then one day out of nowhere, my daughter was a senior in high school and I was a mess and not a little emotional, a mess. And I called Stacey crying. Stacey was gonna go through the exact same thing. ⁓ with her son the next year, and instead of falling apart, ⁓ literally you did what you always do, you made me laugh. And somehow found a way to be funny and warm and grounding. And I walked away from that phone call, feeling like I might actually survive her going off to college. And that's who Stacey is, everyone. She likes to tell you she's not spontaneous and all this stuff. But she is the most funny person I know, the most grounded person I know. And that's why I wanted to do an episode with her to talk about the re the emotional reality of graduation. Because I really feel that nobody talks about this. And especially high-achieving women, you know, leaders, professionals, mothers who have spent years taking care of everyone else. ⁓ but sometimes, you know, we're you know, we're supposed to be proud and grateful and excited, but sometimes we're also heartbroken. And we have a hard time sharing that because we feel like we shouldn't be. We need to have this proud ⁓ exterior of of just, you know, like we're gonna get through this. And sometimes it's just very hard. So today it's just two moms sitting down and telling you all the truth about what this graduation season is really like because it's here. I know some of you've already gone through it and we see all of you out there trying to hold it together. And so if that's you, this conversation is for you. Stacey Welcome to the podcast. Stacey Robinson: Thanks, Rosanne. It's so nice to be here to talk about this subject that can be a little taboo for some. Rosanne Callens: Yeah, Stacey, why do you think it is taboo? Why do you think? Stacey Robinson: I think that goes back to your comment about being, you know, strong women leaders and just keeping this persona of that we all have it together and I don't want anybody to see my worst side. I don't want to crumble in front of others. ⁓ But the reality is I'm a very sensitive person. I hold, you know, my feelings on my shoulders and especially when I'm really upset, you can see it's visible. So. I think it's okay for us to let our guard down and to share, know, it's a sad but happy time. And I think if you talk about it, then others are more willing to be like, yes, this is okay, we can do this. Rosanne Callens: Yes, absolutely. It is so tough. In fact, I even put an alarm. I put a cal in the calendar when Dylan, Stacey's son, was gonna graduate. I put like little calendar reminders saying check on Stacey. Because when you're not in that graduation season, you know, you see it on TV and you know your friends are going through it, but when you've gone through it yourself, you're like, I have got to check on my friends. And so I'm gonna bring this up. So st so Dylan graduated from high school and he's your only child. So Take us back to that day. What did it actually feel like, Stacey? Stacey Robinson: So I was a little bit surprised on the day of, ⁓ I really thought I'd be flooded with emotions and I really didn't know what the day was going to bring. Woke up, couldn't sleep, excited. We get there super early so we could get a great seat, so could take a lot of pictures. And then we just go through the day. I see him in his moment and he graduated and it was just... It was exciting and you know, we take a lot of pictures afterwards. We go to lunch and I kept waiting for these like tears to flood in and I never really felt that. So I was really kind of shocked that I didn't have like a mental breakdown that day. But I think I was just so excited about he did it. I'm so proud of him, you know, being a military brat and changing schools and enduring all of the change over his school career. I think he just was able to do it. He succeeded and I was just super excited and proud of him. And I think that those were the emotions that took over. Rosanne Callens: Yeah, I agree. I think I was also in the emotions of the moment of we're gonna have a little graduation party. And I was kind of in event planner mode too. But I brought this huge so here's Emma's graduation cap. She had it in a in a protected place, which is the only reason why I find it I found it because I don't normally keep these things, but I could see her by just this, but then I wanted her to be able to see us. And so I had this huge head picture of her. And I was holding it up and we sat on the very back row. So we weren't blocking anyone's view, everyone. And she said, ⁓ my God, mom, I looked up there and saw it. And I started laughing. And then I was laughing too though. So it made me kind of get through those moments too, Stacey, because you're right. We are so proud of them, right? You're just, you're in that moment and so happy. Stacey Robinson: Yeah, and I did take your advice and I got one of those big heads too. And you know, it probably mortified him, but whatever. It was so fun just showing, you know, our excitement as parents and just cheering them on. So I definitely think that he felt the support that day, even with his big head. Rosanne Callens: It is. I think those big head pictures are great because it is hard to find someone in the crowd. It it is, right? And it's fun to embarrass them a little bit. I I did let Emma choose some pictures that she liked though, and she gave them to me, but she wasn't quite sure, you know, like what I was gonna use them for. Another tip, see, we need to give some pro tips, Stacey, like while we're doing this. So a pro tip if you're listening and and your child hasn't graduated. Stacey Robinson: Yeah, it is. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Rosanne Callens: yet because it's coming, is to start. ⁓ we I have an iPhone, but it's like just start when you when you see those either Facebook memories or the your phone when the pictures come up and start putting them in a folder and call it so and so's graduation folder and start putting all those pictures because when you're also trying to do it senior year, it's like you get so emotional when you're doing it, even if it's the beginning of senior year, right, Stacey? Stacey Robinson: Yeah, and it was crazy enough just the other day looking back on Facebook memories I was going through his kindergarten like all of his things came home from all of his teachers and I Wrote on Facebook. Oh my gosh. I'm going through all of Dylan's kindergarten memories I said, I don't know how I'm gonna survive his senior year because I'm already crying and he's only a kindergartener and it's so true The time just goes by so fast Rosanne Callens: It just it totally, totally does, you guys. Believe me, we have been there. Okay. So my my next question that I wanted us to talk about is, you know, when did it hit you that this chapter was ending? And it doesn't mean, once again, that we're not sad that they're going on and living their lives, right? But like was there a moment maybe before graduation that caught you off guard? Stacey Robinson: would say there would be random moments that caught me off guard. Just you come across something, you have a memory that pops up, he does something, we do something as a family, and I would just start crying or tear up. And, you know, it was just like, you never knew exactly what it was going to be until you're crying. And I'm like, why am I crying? You know, this is a great fun time for him. And I'm so excited. But yeah, it does. I think it's just throughout the whole year. just memories spark and it just strikes your heart and then the tears start flowing. Rosanne Callens: It is. And it's okay. I really think that the purpose of this episode too is for Stacey and I to tell you it is okay to have these feelings. Right? Like my daughter, my youngest is a junior and we just went to the last ⁓ musical performance of the year. And most parents at this time in May are like, Thank God. Like we all we get a break from all of the like last minute school things. But I actually got choked up seeing her senior friends. being sad that it was like the last music piece that they were playing, you know, and I mean, I I and like you said, it kind of hits you at these random moments because I'm like, wait a minute, that's gonna be me next year. Be like that, you know, and I it's just it like I said, it just catches us off guard. ⁓ Stacey, what do you think? I know this kind of goes into the one I just asked you, but just what was the hardest part that you didn't expect about maybe like just the whole graduation time period? Stacey Robinson: ⁓ I guess I just, it's a buildup throughout the whole year. It's all these last moments and you do the senior Sundays and you post, know, ⁓ pictures of when they were little. And it's just such a build up to this moment in time. And I don't think anything, you know, caught me off guard per se, cause I knew I was going to be just this emotional mess. I guess I was just more surprised that I didn't break down and fully lose it on his graduation day. Really, I felt the worst or I felt the most emotional when we dropped him off for college and then that drive home. So I think you just never know what's gonna hit you. And I think it's different for everybody. And especially with me having one child, I had one shot to do this right. Rosanne Callens: ⁓ yeah. Stacey Robinson: I get one time to go through all these emotions. I really tried to soak it in, take a lot of pictures, make a lot of memories, because I could only do it one time. Rosanne Callens: Yes. ⁓ my gosh, Stacey, that hit me. And guess what, everyone? We're gonna be doing a part two. And it's gonna be called dropping your kid off at college because I also called Stacey crying during that time too. Once again, being so happy, but also being like, What is going on? Why why are we so emotional? and so everyone, I wanna tell you too that Stacey, you know, shared that Dylan's her only son and But Stacey also has a very challenging job. You know, she's a leader. She's a leader in the HR world and she's very accomplished and she's also really humble. So she's not going to tell you all that. And you've built something so real in your career. And yet, just this moment, I say wrecked us a little bit because it just, like I said, I wish more people just talked about all the real feelings around it, right? Instead of just trying to say, ⁓ I'm fine, I'm fine. what You know, what does this tell you just about like how we hold the roles we play like at home and at work being like this professional and we're, you know, we're supposed to be powering through everything at work. And then we have like this significant transitional event happening in our home lives. Like what what did you what did you learn from that? What does that tell us about that? Stacey Robinson: So at the moment in time, I had a really good team ⁓ and they were aware of everything that I was going through. And I told them every step of the way, like, you know, take the pictures, make the memories, cry if you need to, it's okay, I'll give you a hug. And a lot of times, you know, knowing what your team is going through at home helps you develop and grow them in their career as well. And I think that I was open and honest with them with what I was going through. So they were there to support me too on the days that I needed it, especially some of those, you know, know, last of all the things that we endured, you know, they were just there to support me. And so I think, you know, when you're supporting your children and you're being there and you're helping them develop and grow, I go to work and I do the same thing. I know my team, I know what they're going through, I care about what they're going through. And then I asked them like, what can I help you do to get where you want to be? Because everybody's career path is very different. We don't all seek the same things and we all have a very different path in achieving our goals. So I think, know, very similarly to what I did at home to help Dylan develop and grow, I did the same thing at work. And I think the most important thing was me trying not to have it all together all the time, even though I didn't want to cry. There are several times where I just, I let my guard down and they saw my tears flow. you know, they respect you. ⁓ I think a lot of times we feel like tears are a sign of weakness. But in the reality at the end of the day, that's not the truth. It's just, we're human, we're real. And we have all these emotions. You you're trying to keep it together at home. You're trying to lead and develop and grow a team at work and meet all the expectations that are put on you. And I think at some time, at some point in time, you just, you break and that's okay. And I think that that helps you come out on the other end stronger, you know, so. Rosanne Callens: Wow, what I what I hear you saying too, Stacey, is just allowing that team to support you and then giving them, you're giving them a glimpse into your life too, because especially when you have younger team team members, I wish someone had shared those things with me too, or how they were really feeling. Because, you know, when you when you don't share your real feelings with people, especially people that you trust, right? And we're building our trust in our work teams and and trust at home. We have to give ourselves permission to feel that, right? Sounds like you did. Stacey Robinson: Yeah, most definitely. It would have been helpful if I would have had more leaders share some of the things that they were going through because it actually just gives you a different perspective on what they're going through. Sometimes you have those harsh leaders and they're like, ⁓ my gosh, wow, calm down. It's not that serious. But then if they would have shared what they were going through, it would have given you a different perspective to give them a little bit more grace and to just help them through some of those things. I always want to be open and honest with my team as much as I can. ⁓ And I think that that just, it just shows that you're vulnerable and it shows that you are just a real person trying to get through life and whatever it throws at you. Rosanne Callens: Isn't it funny? You know, the other thing that hit me during graduation, Stacey, when you say that, excuse me, is when you say our like we're just real people, right? Is that I, for some reason too, when Emma was graduating, it's like I saw myself too. Like I just remembered being that exact age. And like I felt like I was in a movie of like seeing that time in my life where it was like the whole world is just like your next step in your oyster, right? It's like Stacey Robinson: people. Rosanne Callens: There's so many things that that we see for our kids to do. And anyway, I just feel that it's hard when like our once again, just too, like leaders understanding and sharing. It's really hard when leaders are like, ⁓ you you need to be fine with that. Or I also started to see a lot of regrets that I had too of like, why didn't I go to mommy and me more? Or why didn't I go to their lunch more? And it's like Stacey Robinson: Thank Rosanne Callens: We just have all these regrets and ⁓ but that's okay. But what I'm where I'm going with this whole story is that I remember I thought of my mom and I was like, wait a minute, my mom was like just like me right now, holding it together. You know, it's just so funny when you see your parents as also just, you know, Dylan's gonna be our age and be like, ⁓ my gosh, you know, this is this is what my mom's life was like at this age, right? Isn't it just kind of weird to see your parents as like You know, you as a younger version, right? Stacey Robinson: Right, yeah, you do, you start contemplating, you know, all these things that you did and did I do them well enough? And the regret starts sinking in if you focus on things. But the reality is, is we're not perfect. We were there when we could be there. We supported them the best that we could. And then speaking of my team, I would say don't miss the small moments, take off work. Go have the mommy and me lunches. Go do all the things because you'll regret it if you don't. So I think that if we had more people that were more supportive, that maybe we wouldn't look back and say, did I do enough? Was I supportive enough? Is he going to remember all the things that I did or is he going to wish that I did more? Rosanne Callens: That's so true, Stacey. That's so true. And I love that you as a leader give give that grace to your team. And I wish that more people did that, right? It's like if you let if you have any possibility to let your employee go to go to those events, I feel they're gonna work two times harder for you, right? Because not only did you make them feel good as a mom or a dad, but you also made their child feel seen. And then they can come back. I mean, I just I just wish the world w was ⁓ we had more of that for sure. Okay, so we did start talking about the parent's identity, right? So ⁓ my gosh. So when our kids graduate and they start to leave, which like I said, Stacey and I have to do a to be continued for August, right? But something does shift for the parent, especially parents who have poured so much into that role. Like I see, I see parents posting like who have kids on like travel baseball teams, for example, and they are like one million percent in that travel team mom role, right? ⁓ and I know you also had a role, like we all have our roles that we play. How did that shift for you ⁓ in just your identity, knowing, you know, just during that graduation timeframe? Stacey Robinson: ⁓ So it did shift and I didn't know how it was going to shift. And I won't talk a lot about this because I know we're going to touch on it in August, but you kind of feel lonely. ⁓ It's like you suddenly have this time and what do you do at the time? I didn't know again how I was going to feel until you're in it. And while your kid is growing older and they get jobs and they're out with their friends and they're doing all the school things, they're not here all the time, but they're coming home every single night. You know that you're going to see them every single day. And preparing for them to be gone, I didn't know what to expect and it was a lot lonelier than I ever anticipated. Rosanne Callens: I think okay, we need to do a part three as well. Because yes, I think that it's really hard because ⁓ Stacey and I are very big live in the moment women. Would wouldn't you agree, Stacey? We really are. And we love to travel. And and Stacey and I real I would say both of us take opportunities, especially when they involve travel. Like we are in the moment people. And so when when I started to feel like, ⁓ my gosh, ⁓ this is the last summer she's home. Stacey Robinson: I'm Yeah. Rosanne Callens: This is the last thing we're gonna do. This is and I and I started to think like that. I was trying so hard to catch those thoughts and to reframe it like, please enjoy this moment, Rosanne You know, like please enjoy because it's just it's just really hard because like Stacey was saying, you know, we're just used to them coming home and and making dinner for, you know, all the people in your family. And then it just everything even when they are doing a million activities, they're still, like Stacey said. coming back and it is a shift. It's a definite shift. So we'll talk more about that, right, Stacey? Stacey Robinson: Yeah, for sure. There's a lot to be said there. Rosanne Callens: Yeah, well please take notes as they come up because we're gonna have a definite we'll probably have to have like an hour long episode about that. So what did you give yourself permission to feel in that moment? Because like I was saying, I would start to say, like even with Sophia, I'm like, okay, ⁓ this she's a junior and this summer is like her almost last summer. Like I even caught myself like thinking that, right? I was like, ⁓ my God, we have to do all the things, you know. Stacey Robinson: Let's go. Thank Good luck. Rosanne Callens: I really hope people listening are like nodding their heads because it totally does happen. But like, what did you do? How did you give yourself permission to feel that, Stacey? Like how did you just navigate that? Stacey Robinson: So I think at first we're just naturally trying to hold it all in, cause I got it all together and no one's going to see me crack. ⁓ so that's not really truly how operate. because I just let it build and then I just, you know, cry, ⁓ uncontrollably at that point. So I think, you know, going back to what I kind of said earlier about the moments hit you, I just let myself feel in the moment. If it was anger, if it was happiness, or I was crying uncontrollably, I just let myself. feel that because I knew if I kept it in, I was just gonna be so much worse if I just held it in because then you just, don't let those emotions escape. And I think it's important for, you know, my spouse, Michael, like. he would see me cry and you know he just let me cry and he'd be like are you okay? I'm like you know I just yes I'll be okay but I just need to get it out so I am just a crybaby anyway and so there's just lots of tears that were shed and still are. Rosanne Callens: We are emotional. I mean, and that and that's okay, right? I would say this though, Stacey. I think you and I are very emotional women in the sense of I think we're very compassionate and empathetic. But I do feel that you and I also do try to be strong for a lot of other people. And so sometimes we hide behind that. And I and I would say that's why I wanted to have Stacey on this conversation today, because I remember being so sad and like voice texting. Stacey, we had like a thousand voice texts back and forth. I kind of get like a little teary eyed thinking about that time. You know, it was like I was like, ⁓ Stacey, ⁓ you know, and then she would voice text me back and then she would say something to make me laugh and I'd be like, Okay, I'm gonna get through this, right? So I just really want to tell people to, you know, just r open up to friends or send them a f voice text or or connect with that friend that you know is gonna make you laugh. And it's just for Stacey and I, our two oldest kids are ⁓ Stacey Robinson: Bye Rosanne Callens: Stace Dylan is Stacy's only child, they started in preschool together. And so it's like for for Stacey, Stacy's just such a big touch point in my life, just even for that reason alone. So I was like, I've got to reach out to her. She'll understand. You know, it's ⁓ my gosh. ⁓ the I okay. So whenever I find myself getting emotional, I'm gonna just give a coaching tip to everyone. Here's another coaching tip. So right now, parents who are listening and you're like, thank God I'm not going through grad. Stacey Robinson: you Rosanne Callens: At graduation stuff right now, or maybe if you are. Another thing I do is like, so for example, I just went and saw the 40th anniversary of Top Gun, the original, that's out in movie theaters right now. And I really everyone go see it. Take your kids in the big movie theater if they're still at home. Okay, but anyway. When I went when I went to the movie theater, I was like, you know what? I miss going to the movies because it just makes you turn your phone off. It makes you Stacey Robinson: Thank you. Rosanne Callens: It just makes you be in the moment on that super big screen. So I literally have in my notes app, it says, For when I have an empty nest. I'm not joking, everyone, this is a real thing. And I just put ideas down of things that I'm going to be excited to do. Like I I wrote buy a movie pass for the year. You know how they they s ⁓ they advertise those years ⁓ annual like you can go to the movies like three times a month or whatever. Like, okay, I'm gonna do that when they're out of the house. That'll keep me busy. Like, so I've just been making this list of like things that I've that I want to do that will make me happy, and so that's my little tip for you as well, because it just makes you focus on some other things versus being like, ⁓ I'm coming home and and now I'm only making dinner for two, you know, just like stuff stuff like that. ⁓ okay, so Stacey. Stacey Robinson: haha Rosanne Callens: Is there anything that surprised you, whether it's a in a good way or a bad way? Not bad, in a good way or whatever way you want to share. Let me ch let me start that all over again. Is there anything that surprised you about who you are now, now that you've gone through this the graduation, you know, the graduation phase? And I know you've also gone through the dropping off at college phase, which we're gonna talk about too. But what about did was there anything that opened up or that surprised you about that time? Stacey Robinson: So there's a couple of thoughts, I guess, that come to mind. one, dealing specifically with Dylan. ⁓ I tend to be very ⁓ controlling and that's going to sound really awful. I don't mean it in that way, but I'm always checking up, did you do this? Did you do that? Have you done this? Did you, you know, always just verifying that he's done the things that he needs to do. So what surprised me is the summer leading up to going off to college, I kind of backed off. and I just let him do his thing. That was really hard for me. ⁓ And I just let him have that freedom ⁓ because I knew that when he went off to college that I would have absolutely zero say in what he was doing. And again, we'll save those details for the next one. But I think just letting go surprised me. ⁓ And then for myself, it's like you don't realize how you're going to need to occupy your time. And so I found myself just looking around like, what do we do now? You feel so bored and it's so weird because again, they've been doing their own thing throughout high school and it's not like we did every single thing together, but just their presence in the house just makes you feel like you weren't bored. I know that sounds weird. but just trying to find things to do to occupy the time. Rosanne Callens: It sounds weird until you go through it, right, Stacey? Stacey, we don't say controlling ⁓ Callan's coaching. We say aggressively helpful. Feel free to take that. You're right. I you know, I I felt the same way. We gotta make a list for what to talk about when they go to college because even like life 360, ⁓ oddly enough, my kids I think check my location more than I actually check theirs. However, Stacey Robinson: It does. It is the way we think. Okay, I was very aggressively helpful. Rosanne Callens: It was hard sometimes to not be like it was hard to just let that go, right? Like like you said, I would tell myself, okay, well, when she goes to college, you know, she's gonna be doing her thing. And and and so letting go, that's hard. We'll do a whole whole thing on that. ⁓ Stacey, if there is a parent listening right now, ⁓ who has a junior or a senior in high school, a junior, like a kid, ⁓ my god. ⁓ my god. I'm so excited. If there's a parent listening right now, Stacey Robinson: Thank you. Rosanne Callens: that has, you know, a a sophomore that's turning into a junior and a junior turning into s into a senior and does they don't know what's about to hit them. Like what would you want them to know? Like what piece of advice would you give to them? Stacey Robinson: Yeah, just be in the moment. I think that we're all about posting the coolest things on social media so everyone can see all these cool things that you're doing. behind the scenes is what matters the most. So just be present, be with them. If they want to spend time with you, make the time to spend all the time that they want because ⁓ they're going to move away and that time is going to be very limited. I think it's just about making the most of these next few years making the memories ⁓ and just being there for them and coaching and guiding them for what's next. I think that we owe it to them to talk real ⁓ life situations and prepare them for being on their own because you do start second guessing. Did I give them enough tools? Did I talk to them enough? Did I? Does he know, really know how to do laundry? But the reality is they're just gonna throw it all in one load and dry it all too. So, you know, don't worry about that. You know, if they don't brush their teeth, so what? I'm sorry. Rosanne Callens: Such great advice, Stacey. It really, you know, yeah. Think about all the things that you want to, you know, when they do fly out of the nest, that you want them, you want to empower them to be able to do, right? And it is ⁓ I know a lot of parents take pride in doing so many things for their children. That's such a great piece of advice, Stacey. You know, even for example, when Emma had to get her wisdom teeth taken out. You know, she didn't know how the referral process worked, right? So she's thinking that her normal dentist is gonna do that. And so having to teach her, like we have this big thing with the notes the notes app where I I have her write down, like this is what you would say when you call an office and you say, Hi, my name's Emma and I need to get my wisdom teeth taken out. You know, and it's like 'cause I really want them to be able to do those types of things because yeah, it's they're gonna be on their own and they need to know. They might not do it the same way we do everyone. They'll get through it. They'll get through it. You know, the other thing too I want to add, this is like the the ex-teacher side of me. I was a teacher a long, long time ago, is that our kids are going through so much too. You know, they're going through a lot of feelings as well. ⁓ like Stacey mentioned, our kids had gone to quite a few schools, Dylan, even more schools ⁓ than Emma. And it's just really hard for them to also leave Stacey Robinson: going to go Rosanne Callens: their friends and their life and they're, you know, they're they're going into that senior year too, being very poignant about it and also very stressed with all the deadlines that come up with senior year. So if I were to give parents some advice with kids going into their senior year, it's, you know, also helping your child s respond to the question. And tell me if I'm right about this, Stacey, everyone's going to ask your child who's a senior, okay? Everyone's going to say, So what are you doing next? So what are you doing next? So what are you doing next? And it's so stressful for our kids. That question makes them feel like they have to have it all figured out. And especially when they're stressed about they haven't been accepted to their colleges yet, or let's say they haven't, they've applied to a trade school program and they don't know. Like they don't know. So even just teaching them what to say to that question is also, I think, a power tool. Wouldn't you agree, Stacey? Stacey Robinson: Yeah, I mean, because you don't think about the stress, you're just really asking, hey, what's next? Because you you got to do something next. And if they don't truly know that I think deep down, it puts a lot of, you know, added stress on them when it's not really something that they should be. So they shouldn't have all that stress added to what they're already going through. But I think just as people, you just ask those questions and you just don't even know what that person or that child is going through. So I think in prepping Dylan for those questions, you know, we always said, okay, this is your plan, but have a backup plan to your backup plan, you know? So that way, if things fell through, then he had thought about what he wanted to do next, and that would help him answer, you know, those questions that are posed along the way. Rosanne Callens: Yeah. 'Cause they don't know everyone. And and I that's the other thing too, when I help kids, ⁓ like applying for scholarships, right? We tell the kids, apply for all the scholarships. But then they're like, Well, I don't want to apply for this because it's about being a teacher and I don't know if I wanna be a teacher. And it's you know, and I am always like, You don't have to have it all figured out in twelfth grade, right? Like you just you don't. And that's okay. And I love how Stacey is such a military family to have a plan for a plan for a plan. And I love that. Something that I used to say, I still say it all the time. T whether someone's in high school or whether I'm helping a career transitioning person or a I'm coaching an executive client who's like, is this what life is, right? Life is so many doors. And I love to talk about the European doors because when you're in Europe, there are so many fabulous different doors. It's just the artistry of doors in Europe is is very, very cool. So that's always the image in my mind. And I'm like, there's You go through one door, you don't like it, you go to the other. I guess I could use the monsters incorporated for those of you that have seen that, where like the doors are going by, right? There's so many doors that you can open. And and that's what I would say too for parents, you know, let your children know that you're there to help them, but if they choose one path and it's not the right path for them, that that's okay. Right? That's okay. There's a lot of stress. There's a lot of stress with that. So Stacey. Stacey Robinson: Yeah. Rosanne Callens: For the parent that is already in that quiet house, maybe they're listening to this and their child even graduated last week. And even though they're still at home for the summer, you know, they're off with their friends, maybe they went on a trip, it's just it like you said, it's just different and they're feeling that ache. What would you what's one piece of advice you would give to them for like the summer after their kids have graduated, like that summertime? I know you gave a little piece of it in the last answer, but Let's end on that. What piece of advice did you give a parent whose kid just graduated? Stacey Robinson: So I know you're probably going to feel a lot of emotions because you're going to be building up to dropping them off or whatever they're going to do. Or at least I did because, know, you've got to get all the things and it's like, do I have everything that they're going to need while they're not here? ⁓ And so that's going to be very emotional in itself because you're buying the sheets and the paper towels and the baggies and the paper plates and whatever else that they want. I have a boy so he didn't decorate his room so I didn't get the fun time of make your room pretty. He was like, I just need a blanket and some sheets. I was like, okay, fine. So um, but just, you know, you just have to keep yourself occupied. Because if you just sit there, and I'm going to use this analogy is we were sitting on the front porch one one afternoon, and I'm like, we're like those old people that I grew up with our grandparents sitting on the front porch just watching the cars go by. I'm like, We have got to do something. We can't just sit here day in and day out. So I think you just have to keep yourself busy and you have to remember what you did before you had kids and go back to having fun, whatever that is. So keep yourself busy or else your thoughts are gonna get the best of you. Rosanne Callens: Amen. I would say that exact same advice. Start a new hobby. become a pickleball champion. ⁓ go to the gym more if you're like, you know how everyone says we don't have time, we don't have time to work out. Guess what? You have time now, right? ⁓ and I would say I love how Stacey also brought up, brought up buying some things for the dorms for those of you that have kids that will be going off to college. Start buying some of that stuff. Stacey Robinson: Yeah. Rosanne Callens: Now, because otherwise, if you wait until like July and August, it feels like so much money is being spent everywhere, everywhere. So if you start a little bit now and keep yourself busy doing that, it won't seem like such a big hit ⁓ later on. And yes, if you do have a daughter, ⁓ it will be it's very different, I think, than having a son. Very different. But yeah. Stacey Robinson: It's very different for girls. Yes. Yeah, so. Rosanne Callens: ⁓ the on the on that note, I think this is this has been so great. So Stacey, okay, I know we've we've been friends for a long time. You guys, I mean, we have so many stories we can tell you, but one one that is always like a highlight in our lives was it was like there was a big snowstorm in North Dakota and Stacey was flying out. Where were you going to visit your mom, I think? Yeah. I Stacey was flying to Texas. I was flying, I think, to Tennessee to see my ex husband's family, and he was and both of our husbands were were deployed. Stacey Robinson: Yeah, Texas, yeah. Rosanne Callens: And there was a giant snowstorm and Emma and Dylan, the ones we're talking about right now that graduated, they were they were just so little. They were like six, right? If that, maybe even actually no, I think it was before Sophia. So four. Very little. Very little. Anyway, we're calling each other like hour on hour, like looking at the blizzard report to see if we're gonna get be able to fly out of this this state that just constantly has snow, right? Stacey Robinson: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rosanne Callens: ⁓ so Stacey, with that being said, us having gone through so much, ⁓ really what what do you think this has just taught you as a leader too? I know you said about, you know, you've been really working with your team and giving them giving them such great feedback, but like do you even think this has helped you help you grow and like even in your professional life because of everything going on and and Dylan being out of the nest? Stacey Robinson: Yeah, I think it's important to be vulnerable. And sometimes I don't do a good job because I want to put up that wall and I want everybody to think I'm perfect. I know I'm not perfect, but I want to, you know, I don't want anybody to see my flaws. So I think just, just, you know, knocking down those walls and just being yourself has helped me be a better leader. more understanding. I know what they're going through. I tell them to cherish all these moments. I don't want them to look back and regret a single moment because we don't live to work. Work is not everything. Your family should always come first. And so that is what I preach on a daily basis. The work will get done. Yes, of course we have things that we need to take care of, but in the grand scheme of things, your family will always be first. And if they see you living that and having that work-life balance, they're going to respect you a lot more than someone who doesn't care and just wants you to work, work, work and doesn't care a thing about what's going on in your personal life. So that has helped me just be more down to earth and more, you know, compassionate about what people are going through. And so I think overall, just, it just, it just helps me. being grounded so I can be there for them, whether it's in their professional career or their personal life. Rosanne Callens: I feel that too. I feel that, Stacey. And it's hard, it's hard to actually admit how you're really feeling. You know, I'd love to ask people more than one time how they're doing. Because the first time people are gonna say, ⁓ I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm fine. It takes a lot of vulnerability for someone to actually share their real feelings because they're they're thinking, Does this person really care about how I'm doing? Right. And even Stacey Robinson: Fine, I'm fine. Yeah. Rosanne Callens: If this person really cares, I hope that everyone hears me when I say this. It's hard to share how you really feel when you feel that if you're cracking it open, that you might be reduced into a puddle of tears. So if someone is scared to crack that dam, if so to speak, and have that dam come out, you being the person there that's really listening to them and feeling and feeling what they're feeling. That is the greatest gift you could give to someone during this time. Right, Stace? Yeah. Yeah. And friends, I just I wanna say, Stacey, thank you for your friendship and your honesty. And if you ever want someone to be honest with you too, you talk to Stacey Robinson, because she will be. She's but she'll do it in a really funny way. And for being willing to have a conversation that honestly, we've been talking about this. Stacey and I've been texting about this. So many parents need to hear. Stacey Robinson: Absolutely agree. Yeah. Bye bye. Yeah. Rosanne Callens: And Stacey's got a lot of stuff going on today and I'm so gl I know, I'm really glad we were able to record this ⁓ too. friends. Yeah. Stacey Robinson: Yeah, me too. Thank you for asking. It means a lot. This was me being spontaneous and if you, you don't know me, but I am not a very spontaneous person, but I'm trying to be, you know, more spontaneous as I get older and my son's not here anymore. So maybe that's a little piece of advice too. Just go with it. You don't have to be perfect. Rosanne Callens: Well, I how does it feel now that you've been spontaneous, Stacey? I'm gonna keep this in the clip too. How does this feel now that you've been spontaneous and you did this with me? Stacey Robinson: Thank I mean, I'm learning again to let go. don't have to be so polished and professional all the time. Just go with it. You only live once. Have fun. Not that I'm not a fun person, but I do like to study and I never want to trip over my words or look like an idiot. So I'm always so nervous to do things like this. But Rosanne has always been there in my ⁓ you know, cheering me on over the years and telling me that I'm my own worst critic. So I couldn't have done, you know, these things without her. So she's so awesome. Rosanne Callens: do it without you. I knew I'd get emotional. Look at this is the card I pulled today for Stacey. I am strong, capable, and ready for any challenge. And this was a challenge. It's a challenge for me, everyone. Before we even got on this podcast, I was like, Stacey, hold on. Let me click on these areas. I don't ⁓ know I'm doing. ⁓ my goodness. Everyone, if you're in this season right now, we hope this episode reminds you. Stacey Robinson: Thank you. Rosanne Callens: You are not alone and you are going to get through it. And I even believe one of the messages I sent to Stacey, I wanna say it was during the holidays, was I said, believe me, you're gonna even say, Okay, is it time to go back to college? Because you do get everyone, you do get used to your life and your kids get used to their lives with their new friends, and it's going to be okay. It's a whole new era and it's exciting. I mean, graduation. Stacey Robinson: Bye. Rosanne Callens: Isn't just a milestone for our children. It's a milestone for us too. Like I said, the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. So thanks for spending time with us today. And if this episode touched your heart, please share it with another parent who might need it. And until next time, take lots of pictures, hug the people a little that you love a little bit tighter. And remember, love does not leave when they do. Right, Stacey? It does not. Stacey Robinson: That's right, yeah. ⁓ Rosanne Callens: Bye, friends. Goodbye. Stacey, thank you for being here. Goodbye. Now we're gonna wave like dramatically goodbye. Okay, I'm doing this so I don't like automatically go kchoosh. Okay, I'm gonna hit stop because it has to update while Stacey Robinson: you Thank you. ⁓ you