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The Gift of Time | The Eye Believe Podcast · The Eye Believe Podcast

• 0:03
  hey everybody I'm here today with Lindsay Brown and
• 0:06
  she is from Minnesota
• 0:08
  she's also an ocular melanoma patient
• 0:11
  and we've actually heard from her before
• 0:13
  and she talked a little about enucleation
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  but we brought her back today
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  because she is this incredible speaker
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  and I don't know if you guys have seen her online
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  but she posts about her
• 0:22
  her speaking engagements and things like that
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  and so we're gonna cover a little bit of that
• 0:26
  but like Lindsay
• 0:26
  I'm just so glad you're here with us today
• 0:29
  thank you thank you
• 0:30
  yes we're here today right
• 0:32
  and we're gonna be here tomorrow
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  and we're just trusting that those tomorrows add up
• 0:37
  if you guys have seen any of my posts
• 0:39
  I know that that time and like all of that
• 0:42
  the just the the preciousness of being present
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  especially when you're dealing with metastatic disease
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  is
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  it's a lot to kind of wrap your head around sometimes
• 0:51
  especially for those of us in the younger OM community
• 0:54
  so Linds thanks for being here
• 0:56
  you're so welcome yeah
• 0:57
  and Danet you're right
• 0:58
  the the
• 0:58
  the concept of time is
• 1:00
  is one of those tricky concepts where
• 1:02
  you know all of a sudden
• 1:04
  when you're faced with a diagnosis
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  like ocular melanoma like we're faced with time
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  all of a sudden becomes front and center
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  so important like we don't wanna waste it
• 1:13
  we don't wanna we don't wanna spoil it
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  we wanna you know
• 1:16
  cherish it as much as we can
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  and there's so much pressure
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  I think in the cancer community to stay present and
• 1:21
  you know meditate so you can stay present and
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  and be in the moment and I think that's just um
• 1:26
  added pressure to all the other pressures that we face
• 1:31
  um in this community
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  but I'm really excited to be here
• 1:34
  to talk to you about the keynote that I developed
• 1:37
  about the concept of time
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  um it's less of like a oh
• 1:41
  cherish every moment and stay present
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  it's less of a sort of like a hippy dippy like oh
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  you got this type of type of presentation
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  it's more talking about time in a way that
• 1:54
  that allows it to be on our side that allows it to
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  or allows ourselves to
• 2:00
  really see it as something that's working for us
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  and not against us and so um
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  I've actually been speaking in the healthcare space
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  for about 12 years and when this diagnosis came about
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  I had wanted to transition to an actual
• 2:15
  you know a keynote speaker
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  someone who went around to different conferences and
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  spoke on a motivational level
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  you know you've been to a conference today
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  where you've had an opening speaker
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  that sort of sets the tone and
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  or a closing speaker that like
• 2:28
  sends you off back into the world after this sort of
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  container
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  is done with some sort of inspirational um momentum
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  and so I have always wanted to be that
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  and when ocular melanoma came into my life
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  I thought you know what
• 2:44
  no time like the present speaking of time
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  no time like the present
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  to develop a talk about something motivational
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  I didn't know at the time that I
• 2:53
  that I had the urge to become a keynote speaker
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  what I wanted to talk about
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  um but this concept of time
• 3:01
  just kept coming up in really cool ways and um
• 3:05
  in thinking about how we approach time
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  a lot of times we villainize time
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  and in just the language that we use
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  we say things like
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  we spend time and we kill time and we waste time
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  and we use these negative terms
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  when we talk about time
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  as though it's not something that's
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  this renewable gift that shows up every single morning
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  and Danet I love your saying like
• 3:30
  I'll be here today
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  I'll be here tomorrow and tomorrow's add up
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  like
• 3:34
  that's
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  viewing time as the precious gift that it actually is
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  and the renewable resource that it actually is
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  it's not something that's fleeting
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  it's not something that we don't have enough of
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  those are excuses that we use a lot
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  um but
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  part of what I try to instill in the audiences that I
• 3:53
  that I communicate to is that time
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  in its preciousness and in its renewability
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  is working for us we just have to see it that way
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  um and so
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  you know I
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  I start off my talk from a very early age um
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  I grew up on a farm
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  I don't know if you have a lot of experience
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  growing up on a farm but I guess Minnesota Midwest
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  like that Minnesota Midwest
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  exactly yep
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  yep yep
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  so I grew up on a Midwest farm
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  and it was actually in Wisconsin
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  but I learned from a really early age
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  that farmers are this group of people
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  this group of professionals
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  that think they know the best time for everything
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  because they kind of have to right
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  they have to know the best time to plant crops
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  the best time to harvest crops
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  you have to understand like the arc of the sun and
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  and what that means for weed growth
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  and things of that nature
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  and so I learned really early on that um
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  my dad being the farmer that he was
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  um thought he knew the best time for everything
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  and it played out in a really interesting way
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  I every time I get together with my siblings
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  this story comes up um
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  we were all charged with helping my parents
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  get the cattle in the barn
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  and my siblings my two brothers and I
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  formed the semicircle with my parents
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  around the cattle that we were trying to get in
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  and my dad looked at my little sister
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  who was 5 at the time about
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  and told her she said Paige
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  go stand in the doorway of the barn and you be the bait
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  and so yeah exactly
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  you have small kids
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  I'm picturing my five year old and I'm like
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  are you sure exactly
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  exactly yeah
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  but my dad thought okay he
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  since he knows the best time for everything
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  he thought that
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  he knew the right time to tell her to move
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  so that when the cattle got close enough
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  she wouldn't get trampled
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  and so here we were
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  chasing these cattle toward the entryway of the barn
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  toward my little sister and my dad would yell out
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  okay Paige
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  move and she would leap to the
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  to the corner of the barn
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  and the cattle would run through and um
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  spoiler alert she lived to tell the tale
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  which I honestly don't know how to this day
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  I'm not sure how but it's so funny
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  because every time that story comes up for us
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  anytime I'm with my brothers and my sisters there
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  it will come up because they're like
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  oh Paige
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  remember when you used to be the bait
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  remember when you used to be the bait
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  but it got me thinking about
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  like knowing the best time for everything
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  because what if you know
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  what if my sister hadn't been there
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  what if she hadn't been in the entryway
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  and the cattle just saw that doorway as like
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  their path to freedom
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  and they would have run right through anyway
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  like was that necessary to even have her there
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  and it got me thinking you know
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  you know 20
• 6:41
  30 years later
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  about this concept of thinking
• 6:44
  we know the right time for everything
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  and what if
• 6:47
  we're limiting our opportunities by thinking
• 6:49
  we know the right time for everything yeah
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  like almost almost like by trying to plan it yeah
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  and make it yep
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  you know kind of structure it um
• 6:58
  structure life structure our plan for life
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  like whatever
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  like if we're trying to structure it too much
• 7:04
  that it almost takes away from really
• 7:07
  just the experience that it can be to live your life
• 7:10
  yeah exactly
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  and how many times have you been offered an opportunity
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  and you said to yourself oh
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  I don't have time for this or it's not the right time
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  mm hmm as though we have complete control
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  and we know the best timing for everything
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  but Danet you're gonna love this
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  because something that I bring up is the book
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  a court of thorns and roses
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  because in the fifth book
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  and we've talked a lot about how we love our
• 7:34
  our reading um
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  interests are very similar
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  but there's this one phrase
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  or sentence that Amren says in the fifth book
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  where she's talking to re
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  to resand and she said
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  the cauldron
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  will only extend its benevolence for so long
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  before offering it to someone else
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  and you can insert if you're not familiar with the
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  the the word cauldron no problem
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  you're probably just not a fantasy romance reader
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  but you could insert the word universe
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  you could insert the word God
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  you could insert you know
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  any source of life and power and peace into that phrase
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  and say the universe will only extend its benevolence
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  for so long before offering it to someone else
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  so
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  if these opportunities are tapping you on the shoulder
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  if you say it's not the right time right now
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  maybe they'll come back around again
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  but maybe they won't um
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  maybe denying that opportunity a couple of times
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  means that you know
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  there will be a shift
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  and that opportunity will be given to someone else
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  and so
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  I just think that's a fascinating concept to consider
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  because a lot of times we use time as an excuse
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  an excuse to not do the things that we wanna do
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  an excuse to not say yes
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  to opportunities that are gonna challenge us
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  and an excuse to not spend time or
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  or share time with the people that mean the most to us
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  an excuse not to see the places of the world
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  that we wanna see like time is always that excuse
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  and so I'm you know
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  I just want to invite people to
• 9:01
  to look at it a little bit differently and consider the
• 9:04
  the opportunity that exists in acknowledging that
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  maybe you don't know the best time for everything
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  maybe something comes up at the exact right moment
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  regardless of everything else that's happening
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  happening in your life yeah
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  and you just have to have the courage and the bravery
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  to say okay
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  I'm gonna see where this takes me yeah
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  like I mean
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  I guess I kind of think of it a little bit like
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  just trusting trusting that I mean
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  I use I use the analogy GUS yeah
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  God universe source
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  but it's just kind of trusting the idea
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  that the universe or God or
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  you know whatever it is that you believe in
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  is going to put things in your path
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  you know for a reason and I think that
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  you know we have to be
• 9:45
  we have to be careful with that
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  because I think it can be really
• 9:49
  exceptionally invalidating to cancer communities
• 9:51
  and to us as cancer patients to be like oh
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  like this
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  this diagnosis happened to you like for a reason
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  like sometimes framing it that way
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  I don't think can be as helpful um
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  but also like the people that we meet
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  like the people we meet along the way during this
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  during this journey
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  like those people come into our path
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  like for a reason and to just trust that
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  you know those opportunities that come up those
• 10:17
  those challenging kind of moments for growth
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  or in my history of like dealing with my own diagnosis
• 10:24
  just some of the types of treatments
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  or the things that I've pursued um
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  you know in my efforts to navigate metastatic disease
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  like histotripsy or using sound healing um
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  most recently like I tried a little bit of hypnotherapy
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  like just just different
• 10:38
  things that are helping me to navigate this
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  as a person and just trusting that like
• 10:43
  if they're coming up
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  and that if I'm noticing or talking to someone like
• 10:47
  that it's there for a reason and that right
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  maybe instead of ignoring it
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  I should listen to it
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  I should just tap into it a little bit
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  right you bring up a great point
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  it's one of those things where I
• 10:57
  and I learned this lesson
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  I guess the first time I ever did an ice bath
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  it was a couple years ago
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  I dont do the bath but I understand the cold concept
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  yes yep
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  yep so
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  the first time I ever submerged myself in a vat of ice
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  uh it was actually in a big Yeti cooler
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  and there were
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  probably five or six coolers lined up at this
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  this place here in Minneapolis
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  and I think the woman next to me
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  and the cooler next to me
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  must have sensed the fear that was sort of
• 11:26
  emanating off of my being
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  as I was preparing to you know
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  get in this giant bucket of ice
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  and she looked at me and she said
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  just use your breath your breath is your best resource
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  you look terrified and all fear is telling you
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  is that you're forgetting every available resource
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  she said use your breath
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  your breath is your best resource in this moment
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  so when you get in
• 11:50
  keep your breath cyclical inhales
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  count of six out
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  outhails
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  I always say out hails exhales for the count of six
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  and um you know
• 12:00
  the the moment I got in that ice in my brain
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  I was like wow
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  it's a good thing I'm in a vat of ice
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  because this is how I die
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  I'm gonna freeze to death
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  and they can just close the lid and store me for later
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  like this is this is it for me
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  but then she looked at me she said
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  remember to breathe like just remember your breath
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  that's your best resource
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  and so I did and I I through the shaking right
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  I remembered to to inhale and exhale in a cyclical way
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  and I made it three minutes
• 12:27
  that first time in an ice bath
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  and it got me thinking about
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  you know
• 12:30
  those feelings that come up those those those big
• 12:34
  sometimes scary feelings that come up
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  and how
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  a lot of times
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  we can allow those feelings to paint our reality
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  and become fact and one of the things that this whole
• 12:45
  the whole ice bath thing taught me and the
• 12:46
  the beautiful acronym that she gave me about fear
• 12:51
  was that feelings aren't fact
• 12:53
  they're data
• 12:55
  and when we have those big intense feelings
• 12:57
  instead of allowing them to paint our reality
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  like because I'm afraid
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  it means something scary is gonna happen
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  or because I'm sad
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  it means something tragic is gonna happen
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  like instead of allowing those feelings to just like
• 13:10
  almost a self fulfilling prophecy
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  paint our reality
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  understanding that those feelings are just data
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  and those that data is telling us
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  that we need to find a new coping mechanism
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  or employ a different resource
• 13:21
  or reach out to a different practitioner
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  or find a different expert in the field
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  or phone a friend or take a nap or eat a snack
• 13:30
  you know all those all that data that your
• 13:32
  your being and your
• 13:34
  your system is getting from those feelings
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  feelings aren't meant to stay
• 13:39
  they're not meant to be you know
• 13:40
  like hi anger
• 13:41
  I'm gonna build a house for you
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  so that you can just be here forever
• 13:45
  like
• 13:45
  that's not what what those feelings are meant to do
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  they're not meant to stay
• 13:50
  they're meant to give you feedback
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  give you data and then move through
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  and I think that's one of the biggest
• 13:57
  lessons that I've Learned
• 13:58
  especially in the midst of a you know
• 14:00
  a scary cancer diagnosis
• 14:02
  like feelings feel too big when
• 14:07
  when big life things happen
• 14:09
  like feelings feel unmanageable
• 14:12
  and they feel uncontrollable
• 14:14
  they feel chaotic
• 14:15
  and so putting a not a cage around them
• 14:18
  but but putting them in a category that says okay
• 14:21
  this is this is data this is telling me something well
• 14:24
  it's so interesting to hear you talk about this
• 14:25
  because just kind of for for reference
• 14:28
  I have been chatting with Linds
• 14:30
  like over the last week week and a half um
• 14:33
  ever since finding out that I have
• 14:35
  yet another recurrence in my liver
• 14:37
  and this is something that
• 14:39
  you know I guess a lot of
• 14:41
  a lot of us in the metastatic community
• 14:42
  like we we don't get a whole lot of breaks right
• 14:45
  it's it's typical
• 14:46
  it's pretty typical to like
• 14:48
  not have a whole lot of no change
• 14:51
  I was one of those people
• 14:52
  who had a really long period of time of no change
• 14:55
  like an unheard of amount of time
• 14:57
  between one lesion found and then nothing
• 15:01
  for almost 18 months and that was
• 15:04
  in some ways I think it
• 15:05
  it kind of I don't want to say it robbed me of anything
• 15:08
  but I just I felt unprepared for the
• 15:12
  kind of the level of fear that comes up
• 15:14
  every single time you have a scan
• 15:15
  after you have you know
• 15:16
  a recurrence or after you have more cancer that is
• 15:19
  you know prevalent in your liver
• 15:21
  and this
• 15:22
  most recent time has probably felt the most scary
• 15:24
  and it's just kind of interesting because logically
• 15:26
  I can work myself through it right
• 15:28
  but the feelings are still there and
• 15:31
  and somewhere somewhere along the way
• 15:33
  you know I had kind of decided that there was like
• 15:37
  that somehow
• 15:37
  more made it so that I couldn't manage this and
• 15:41
  and it's kind of one of those things
• 15:42
  like you talked about you know
• 15:43
  believing like when you believe something
• 15:46
  it becomes your reality that kind of belief
• 15:48
  that like oh my gosh
• 15:49
  if I get to this point like
• 15:50
  then that's just gonna be too much for me to handle
• 15:52
  well if you keep programming that
• 15:54
  like then your subconscious and your emotions and like
• 15:56
  all of it is gonna follow that thought
• 15:58
  there's a life coach that I loved listening to
• 16:01
  years ago Brooke Castillo
• 16:02
  she's like the life coach school
• 16:04
  and she talks about how our thoughts actually
• 16:07
  come before the emotion like
• 16:10
  and so when we have a thought of like
• 16:11
  oh my gosh it's gonna be so hard
• 16:14
  then that creates the emotion of defeat
• 16:16
  or hopelessness or
• 16:18
  you know whatever the feeling is
• 16:20
  and then we can sometimes get stuck in the feeling
• 16:22
  and the feeling becomes this ingrained belief and
• 16:25
  and then the cycle continues
• 16:26
  and so that's why reframing can be so powerful
• 16:29
  right in therapy like
• 16:30
  when you can reframe the story
• 16:32
  and just kind of retell the story a little bit
• 16:34
  Linds and I were talking this week and
• 16:36
  and it's been kind of just a little bit
• 16:38
  almost a little bit shocking to like
• 16:40
  see the difference from even a week ago to now
• 16:44
  but in retrospect
• 16:45
  like I did just what you were talking about
• 16:47
  like I I actually
• 16:49
  I actually put that subconsciously into practice
• 16:52
  like just the idea that I
• 16:55
  kind of had told myself that it was gonna be too hard
• 16:58
  and that those feelings were too big
• 16:59
  and it did feel like that initially yeah
• 17:02
  but then you know
• 17:03
  the more that I kind of sat with that and really got I
• 17:06
  I guess it's really more like a curiosity feeling right
• 17:09
  it's like a okay
• 17:09
  why is this coming up
• 17:11
  and the more that I sat with that whole
• 17:12
  why is this coming up
• 17:14
  the more the feelings shifted from the panic like to
• 17:18
  okay
• 17:19
  like I have this information on my scans right
• 17:23
  but I am here today you know
• 17:24
  I can I can remind myself of the present
• 17:27
  but also you know
• 17:28
  I'm still feeling really really afraid
• 17:30
  so like why is that
• 17:32
  yeah and
• 17:32
  and instead of uh
• 17:34
  getting stuck in the I just am here and I feel this
• 17:37
  it became why do I feel this and evolved into
• 17:40
  you know over
• 17:41
  over the course of a few different professionals
• 17:43
  kind of talking to me and talking through things
• 17:46
  I'm like I think I have really severe hospital PTSD
• 17:49
  and so then once I landed on that information
• 17:52
  it was like okay
• 17:53
  well that's something that I can solve
• 17:54
  like I can work through that in
• 17:56
  like you said with a different modality of therapy
• 17:58
  or I can try a different approach
• 18:00
  and so then it it
• 18:01
  you know it's not
• 18:02
  it's not that the news that I got
• 18:04
  a week and a half ago is somehow easier to bear
• 18:07
  it's just that I used the information and now I'm
• 18:10
  I have something to work towards yeah
• 18:12
  that is you know
• 18:12
  helpful instead of feeling like I'm just stuck in this
• 18:15
  like waiting place
• 18:16
  like I have something to focus on yeah
• 18:18
  which is amazing and
• 18:20
  and good on you for putting into practice that
• 18:22
  understanding that your feelings are data
• 18:24
  and they're telling you that
• 18:25
  you're clearly in need of additional resources
• 18:28
  you're in need of additional insight
• 18:29
  or additional feedback or
• 18:30
  or another person on your care team
• 18:33
  to just talk you through options
• 18:35
  like that's what feelings are supposed to do
• 18:38
  and I feel like and I'm not saying by any means
• 18:41
  that those big feelings should just be ignored
• 18:43
  like let yourself be mad let yourself be sad
• 18:46
  let yourself you know
• 18:47
  be whatever you feel
• 18:50
  but then understand that you can't stay there yeah
• 18:53
  you can't unpack and live there
• 18:54
  you can't right exactly exactly yeah
• 18:57
  yeah so that's
• 18:58
  that's incredible and I just want to acknowledge
• 19:00
  what a crazy week you've had yeah
• 19:03
  so it's a lot of grappling with lost expectations
• 19:05
  but I think that the maybe not ironic
• 19:08
  but just the telling part of it
• 19:09
  is that that's what we do
• 19:10
  this whole diagnosis
• 19:11
  is we grapple with lost expectations
• 19:13
  and so even though you know
• 19:16
  maybe the expectations that you have are changing
• 19:18
  or that you know
• 19:19
  what whatever is feeling like a letdown or feeling like
• 19:22
  you know yeah
• 19:23
  so devastating or really scary feeling
• 19:26
  it's not necessarily that
• 19:28
  you haven't processed something like this before
• 19:30
  right like you guys
• 19:31
  like we go through these these patterns
• 19:33
  we go through periods of anxiety with scans
• 19:35
  whether something is found or not
• 19:37
  you go through it either way
• 19:39
  like so you have
• 19:40
  you have the capacity to do it
• 19:42
  you've proven to yourself that you can do it
• 19:45
  over and over and over again
• 19:46
  that doesn't make it easy
• 19:47
  that doesn't make it easy
• 19:49
  doesn't make it enjoyable
• 19:50
  and you know
• 19:51
  what's really interesting is you
• 19:52
  there's not even a way to compare
• 19:54
  no you know what I mean
• 19:55
  because I think about like
• 19:57
  when cancer in my body metastasized to my liver
• 20:01
  it exploded with 20+ little tumors off the bat
• 20:05
  and that was you know
• 20:06
  18 months after my diagnosis
• 20:08
  last night I was laying in bed thinking like
• 20:10
  would it be easier
• 20:12
  if I would have had more time between like
• 20:16
  or if or if just one or two tumors would have showed up
• 20:19
  and I could treat those
• 20:20
  and then got a break before the next way
• 20:23
  like none of it is easier
• 20:25
  there's no way to compare because it's all just like
• 20:29
  there's no rhyme or reason
• 20:31
  there's no telling like
• 20:33
  and the lack of control
• 20:35
  yeah exactly
• 20:36
  like all of it
• 20:37
  it doesn't matter if you have one tumor or 20
• 20:39
  it does 100 no
• 20:40
  like
• 20:40
  the level of uncontrollableness and the uncertainty
• 20:43
  the fear that comes up it's maybe varying degrees
• 20:47
  but I but I
• 20:48
  I honestly
• 20:49
  I don't even think it's that though
• 20:50
  because I feel like yeah
• 20:51
  every single time even when I've had just one tumor
• 20:53
  like the same types of fears have come up
• 20:56
  exactly the surface yeah
• 20:57
  that's my point like
• 20:58
  I think
• 20:59
  I still would have had just as strong of a reaction to
• 21:02
  one as I did with the 20+
• 21:05
  or whatever they said at the beginning
• 21:07
  I think that there's
• 21:08
  comfort in knowing that I'm not alone
• 21:11
  in facing those
• 21:15
  harsh realities and those
• 21:16
  like
• 21:16
  those scanxiety phases and things of that nature
• 21:20
  like we're all doing that
• 21:22
  we're all facing our own
• 21:24
  very similar feelings when it comes to those things
• 21:27
  Castle Biosciences is a proud sponsor of this
• 21:31
  Eye Believe Podcast
• 21:32
  Castle's innovative uveal melanoma tests
• 21:35
  provide
• 21:35
  valuable information about the risk of your eye cancer
• 21:38
  spreading to help you and your healthcare team
• 21:40
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• 21:43
  to learn more visit Castlebiosciences.com
• 21:46
  I'm a doula on the side it's not my full time gig
• 21:49
  but I support mamas
• 21:50
  who are bringing babies into the world
• 21:53
  and there was this one birth that I supported
• 21:57
  that was an accidental home birth
• 21:59
  and I say that um
• 22:01
  doulas are not supposed to actually help deliver babies
• 22:05
  they're supposed to provide
• 22:06
  the parents with emotional and physical support
• 22:09
  or non medical support
• 22:11
  so actually
• 22:12
  delivering a baby is very far
• 22:14
  outside the scope of what a doula is supposed to do
• 22:17
  but there was one birth where I
• 22:19
  got a phone call in the middle of the night by the mom
• 22:23
  and she said okay
• 22:24
  I think we're getting ready to go to the birth center
• 22:26
  we'd love for you to join us now
• 22:27
  I was like okay
• 22:28
  I'll be right over
• 22:29
  and I drove from my house to her house
• 22:31
  which is about a 20 minute drive
• 22:33
  and I let myself in the front door
• 22:36
  her older daughter was still asleep
• 22:37
  and her parents were there to
• 22:39
  to care for the older daughter
• 22:40
  and they're like oh
• 22:41
  she's upstairs
• 22:42
  so I let myself upstairs into the master suite
• 22:45
  and she was in the bathroom with her
• 22:47
  with her partner and um
• 22:48
  I walked in I was like hey
• 22:50
  how you doing
• 22:51
  and she looked up at me with panicked eyes and she said
• 22:55
  I think I waited too long
• 22:57
  and I was like oh
• 22:58
  let's get you out the door
• 23:00
  let's get you to the car the birth center is like
• 23:02
  a mile and a half down the road
• 23:03
  so it's like okay
• 23:04
  let's get going yeah
• 23:05
  I looked at her husband and I was like
• 23:06
  we gotta go like
• 23:07
  like I'm trying to relay the sense of urgency to him
• 23:09
  and try to kind of protect her and her little birthing
• 23:13
  laboring cocoon over here
• 23:15
  and so we helped her down the stairs
• 23:17
  we help her out the front door
• 23:18
  and we get to the passenger side of the car
• 23:20
  and she looks at us and she's like no
• 23:21
  no no
• 23:22
  no no
• 23:22
  no baby's coming
• 23:22
  Baby's coming and I was like okay
• 23:24
  let's get back in the house
• 23:25
  and so we go in and I say okay
• 23:28
  let's go in the living room
• 23:29
  she said no
• 23:29
  no no
• 23:30
  I just got a new carpet we can't go in the living room
• 23:32
  and I was like
• 23:33
  I don't think I was ever that in tune with
• 23:37
  with like my surroundings to be like no
• 23:39
  we can't go in there because I just got new carpet
• 23:42
  I thought that was just such a funny thing
• 23:44
  I would have not been present with that information
• 23:46
  same no
• 23:47
  no no same
• 23:48
  yeah like my
• 23:49
  my son was born in the front seat of my car
• 23:52
  and I I sort of realized it after the fact
• 23:55
  like I just was not it was not in it
• 23:58
  but we
• 23:59
  we sat down right in the front foyer of her house
• 24:01
  I remember it was like black and white checkered floor
• 24:03
  I'll never forget it
• 24:05
  and she delivered her baby into my arms in that moment
• 24:08
  on their floor
• 24:09
  and I asked her parents to get some blankets and towels
• 24:11
  and things like that I called the
• 24:12
  OR I called 9 1 1 so they could talk me through
• 24:15
  like baby care and make sure everything was okay
• 24:18
  yeah and they came really quick
• 24:19
  the ambulance came super quick
• 24:20
  and so when we got to the hospital
• 24:23
  one of the nursing staff
• 24:24
  came in the room who hadn't been in there yet
• 24:28
  and she goes oh
• 24:29
  you must be their doula how long have you been a doula
• 24:31
  and I looked at her and I was like well
• 24:33
  normally
• 24:35
  I would answer this question by saying five years
• 24:38
  but today I'm gonna answer this question by saying
• 24:41
  long enough to know what to do
• 24:43
  during an accidental home birth
• 24:45
  and she was like what happened
• 24:47
  so I got to kind of explain the whole story to her
• 24:50
  and like I left that it was
• 24:52
  I remember it was Easter morning
• 24:54
  when this happened a couple years ago
• 24:55
  and I remember driving home at like 7:00am
• 24:59
  just in time to see my kids find their Easter baskets
• 25:01
  and you know
• 25:02
  all that all that good stuff
• 25:03
  I remember driving home thinking man
• 25:06
  how much how many times are we asked
• 25:09
  how long we've been doing something
• 25:12
  like like
• 25:12
  how long have you been the A Cure In Sight podcast host
• 25:16
  I mean I'm pretty sure it's been four years okay okay
• 25:20
  like maybe so pretty yeah
• 25:21
  about about four years but like yeah
• 25:23
  but also you know
• 25:25
  I I could choose to answer it differently
• 25:27
  it could just be well
• 25:28
  long enough to know that I'm pretty good at what I do
• 25:32
  exactly yeah
• 25:33
  so how often do we get asked like
• 25:35
  how long you've been doing something
• 25:36
  and we automatically go to the number of years
• 25:38
  like we automatically focus on the start and the stop
• 25:40
  yeah of whatever it is we're doing
• 25:42
  and we pay no attention and we don't like pay any
• 25:46
  any like heed to the nuanced
• 25:49
  like lessons that have been learned
• 25:51
  in however long we've been doing it
• 25:54
  and I don't know about you
• 25:55
  but whenever I ask that question
• 25:57
  and someone says a year I'm like okay
• 25:58
  cool and then I move on right
• 26:01
  but this in this instance
• 26:03
  when this nurse heard my response
• 26:05
  she was like oh my gosh
• 26:05
  what happened like she leaned in for more information
• 26:08
  and it got me thinking about the human connection
• 26:10
  like how cool it would be if we really like
• 26:16
  paid attention to
• 26:17
  either how many people we've impacted
• 26:19
  or the lessons that we've learned
• 26:21
  in the time that we've shared
• 26:23
  with doing one particular thing
• 26:25
  and actually communicated that to the people around us
• 26:27
  like how many conversations that would open up
• 26:31
  and maybe we are not in interested in
• 26:34
  in further conversations
• 26:35
  so I say five years and then I move on with my life
• 26:38
  right but I think it's so interesting when
• 26:41
  when you think about it like
• 26:41
  especially when I talk to people who are teachers
• 26:44
  or people who work in the healthcare field
• 26:46
  like how many lives they've impacted
• 26:48
  how many kids they've had a chance to teach
• 26:51
  like those are the those are the things that I think
• 26:55
  make the human experience so rich and so nuanced
• 26:59
  and I think that as humans
• 27:01
  we can just do a better job communicating that
• 27:03
  and celebrating that in each other
• 27:05
  so
• 27:05
  I've constantly tried to figure out different ways of
• 27:08
  like explaining
• 27:11
  how I've shared my time
• 27:12
  and what that has done for either the people around me
• 27:16
  or the people I've spoken to
• 27:17
  or things of that nature
• 27:18
  so I encourage you if you want a fun exercise
• 27:20
  like try to
• 27:21
  try to come up with a couple drafts of different
• 27:24
  different answers to that question
• 27:27
  I think that's so powerful
• 27:29
  um and that could even be applied to
• 27:31
  you know for those of us
• 27:33
  those of us listening
• 27:34
  I think most of you guys are probably
• 27:36
  ocular melanoma patients
• 27:38
  if you're not an ocular melanoma patient
• 27:39
  then you're probably um
• 27:41
  a caregiver of someone with ocular melanoma or
• 27:44
  you know potentially even a doctor
• 27:46
  like instead of saying like
• 27:47
  oh I've been a doctor for
• 27:49
  or I've been a patient with Om for 10 years
• 27:52
  because I think that I I don't know
• 27:54
  I I guess I
• 27:55
  what I feel like you're kind of getting at here
• 27:57
  and correct me if I'm wrong
• 27:58
  is just this idea that
• 27:59
  if we limit ourselves to just the
• 28:02
  the start and the stop right of oh
• 28:04
  I was diagnosed four and a half years ago
• 28:06
  like if we limit ourselves and our
• 28:08
  our experience
• 28:09
  and the time that has been spent in navigating this
• 28:12
  to just the the bare bones of oh
• 28:14
  well it's been this long yeah
• 28:16
  then it can almost kind of like dampen it down to or or
• 28:21
  you know like
• 28:21
  because if you if you hear someone say oh
• 28:22
  I'm I've been dealing with ocular melanoma or I'm
• 28:25
  I'm a survivor of 20 years
• 28:27
  like that that sounds incredible
• 28:30
  and right at least to most of us
• 28:31
  you know dealing with
• 28:32
  dealing with this diagnosis earlier on
• 28:35
  that sounds absolutely insane
• 28:37
  in some ways that's magical
• 28:39
  it sounds magical yeah
• 28:40
  like it sounds like a miracle
• 28:42
  but then if you hear someone say like
• 28:43
  oh yeah like I've been a patient for three years or I
• 28:45
  you know I'm five years into my diagnosis
• 28:48
  like there's there's almost kind of like
• 28:50
  judgments that we make subconsciously
• 28:52
  as a patient community about
• 28:54
  you know
• 28:54
  about each other and about ourselves saying like
• 28:56
  oh well
• 28:57
  it's only been you know
• 28:59
  like it's only been a year
• 29:00
  or it's only been five years
• 29:02
  versus someone who's been
• 29:03
  maybe dealing with this for 10 years
• 29:05
  um but the reality is like
• 29:08
  we can't we can't dumb it down
• 29:10
  like to just like oh
• 29:11
  it's only been this amount of time exactly
• 29:14
  like and the thing about it is like
• 29:16
  and I've I've
• 29:18
  come up with my own draft answers to the question of
• 29:20
  how long have you been living with cancer
• 29:22
  and I I always start by saying well
• 29:24
  I was diagnosed in 2022 but I've been living
• 29:26
  through this long enough to have developed a
• 29:28
  whole keynote about the preciousness of time
• 29:31
  and make three
• 29:32
  of my best friends from across the country
• 29:35
  because of this diagnosis
• 29:36
  like I just
• 29:37
  I think it's a self preservation technique
• 29:40
  as well as a human connection technique
• 29:42
  to be able to acknowledge
• 29:46
  not just the length of time
• 29:48
  I think length is important some
• 29:50
  especially when you're talking about a diagnosis
• 29:51
  cause you're right when I hear that
• 29:52
  someone has been living with cancer for 20 years
• 29:55
  I'm like holy crap
• 29:56
  I could be a unicorn too you know what I mean
• 29:59
  yes I could volunteer exactly exactly
• 30:02
  um but regardless
• 30:03
  like
• 30:04
  one of the crazy things about this diagnosis is that
• 30:07
  like it's kind of have you
• 30:08
  do your kids like the claw machine in the arcade
• 30:11
  yes okay
• 30:12
  mine too we've got so much crap in our house
• 30:14
  because of those claw machines
• 30:16
  but I feel like cancer was that moment
• 30:17
  like it was that claw machine moment
• 30:19
  like the diagnosis was that moment
• 30:21
  that sort of ripped me up
• 30:24
  out of my daily reality right
• 30:26
  and it it ripped me up and it it forced perspective
• 30:29
  it forced me to take a look at
• 30:31
  how I was sharing my time
• 30:33
  what I was spending my energy on
• 30:35
  like what I was focused on
• 30:37
  and what I Learned in that moment when it was like
• 30:40
  look like I'm lifting you up here
• 30:42
  I'm taking you out of your daily reality
• 30:44
  I'm gonna scare the crap out
• 30:45
  of you but I want you to actually look
• 30:47
  at what you're doing with your life
• 30:49
  and I realized
• 30:51
  after doing a ton of reflection and after that moment
• 30:53
  that I was
• 30:55
  giving
• 30:55
  so much energy to the things that did not matter
• 30:58
  the most
• 31:00
  and I think that's the the beautiful thing about
• 31:04
  if I if I have to say that
• 31:06
  anything about this diagnosis is beautiful
• 31:09
  I would just say that the opportunity for
• 31:11
  that forced perspective
• 31:13
  for me is where the beauty lies
• 31:16
  because that forced perspective has shown me that
• 31:20
  I used to pay a lot of attention
• 31:22
  to things that did not matter
• 31:25
  I used to let work
• 31:26
  situations that were not life and death
• 31:29
  ruin my week I used to let an argument with
• 31:33
  with a friend completely ruin my day
• 31:35
  instead of just being like
• 31:36
  you know what we're both human
• 31:38
  we're both trying to do this thing
• 31:40
  it's hard and so
• 31:42
  I think that there's so much power in that perspective
• 31:45
  that that
• 31:46
  that claw machine moment grants you
• 31:48
  when you have a crazy life experience
• 31:51
  like a cancer diagnosis
• 31:52
  just kind of flip everything on its head
• 32:25
  you don't have any choice
• 32:26
  but to take a look at how you're living your life
• 32:30
  and how you're sharing your time
• 32:32
  and you kind of do that values analysis and say well
• 32:36
  these are the things I value most
• 32:37
  but they don't line up with how I'm sharing my time
• 32:40
  during my day
• 32:42
  I heard someone say
• 32:43
  how you spend your day is how you spend your week
• 32:46
  is how you spend your month is how you spend your life
• 32:49
  and I thought that was so powerful
• 32:50
  because in that moment where I was
• 32:54
  you know given that perspective
• 32:56
  that gift of perspective
• 32:58
  I was not
• 33:01
  living my life in a way that was reflective
• 33:03
  of my true values and uh
• 33:06
  a lot has shifted since then because of it
• 33:08
  and there is beauty there
• 33:10
  yeah well
• 33:12
  and I think it's important to recognize too that
• 33:14
  you know as we have this realization
• 33:15
  because I think all of us come to this point
• 33:17
  where we see oh wow
• 33:19
  like this this makes you look at life differently
• 33:21
  right when you get your diagnosis
• 33:23
  or if you get a metastatic diagnosis
• 33:24
  at any point in your ocular melanoma journey
• 33:27
  it forces you to look at life differently
• 33:29
  but the difference is that you
• 33:31
  you really it's almost like a crossroads
• 33:33
  like
• 33:33
  you have the moment when the claw machine and you know
• 33:35
  and and you know
• 33:36
  you guys know how the claw machines work
• 33:38
  like did you ever actually get anything
• 33:40
  from the claw machine like really
• 33:41
  no so then it's even better right
• 33:43
  because ocular melanomas
• 33:45
  like six in a million chance of being diagnosed
• 33:47
  so then like
• 33:48
  the claw machine catching on to it and holding it is
• 33:50
  like it never happens right
• 33:52
  so we're lucky we have a choice though
• 33:54
  we have a moment where we can either move it over right
• 33:57
  and it can drop into the little enclosure
• 33:59
  we can take it and we can we can work with it
• 34:01
  we can reflect we can change you know
• 34:03
  we can
• 34:03
  we can really observe what's happening and decide is
• 34:07
  you know is this gonna
• 34:08
  is this gonna be something I allow to change me
• 34:11
  I like to change me for the better right
• 34:15
  because we are none of us are the same person
• 34:17
  that we were when we were first diagnosed
• 34:19
  we are all different um
• 34:22
  we value different things we have shifted you know
• 34:24
  a lot of the things that we do in our lives
• 34:26
  some something has changed
• 34:27
  but that crossroads is the point where you get to
• 34:30
  decide are you going to do something and realign
• 34:33
  you know
• 34:33
  with your values and make the most of your time
• 34:35
  like Linds is saying
• 34:37
  or are you going to fall into the pattern of
• 34:39
  I'm a victim and I'm so scared
• 34:41
  I have no control because if we stay in those places
• 34:45
  like it's a very different experience
• 34:47
  right to to experience cancer through the lens of okay
• 34:52
  like I'm gonna make the most of what I have
• 34:55
  regardless of what that looks like
• 34:57
  regardless of if I have a class 1
• 34:58
  a tumor that has no chance
• 35:00
  or very little chance of metastasizing
• 35:02
  versus a class 2 tumor
• 35:03
  with the highest chance of metastasizing
• 35:05
  like
• 35:05
  I'm going to make the most of it or that I'm going to
• 35:10
  you know
• 35:11
  kind of live in this state of fear and scarcity
• 35:13
  and constantly worry about it
• 35:14
  like there's a it's a very different experience um
• 35:17
  not to say that we don't all visit there sometimes
• 35:20
  right because I think we do
• 35:21
  that's the whole feelings as data thing right
• 35:24
  like that's the whole point of understanding
• 35:26
  that those big feelings will happen
• 35:29
  and those scary feelings will happen
• 35:31
  but yeah but they're telling you something
• 35:33
  they're telling you that
• 35:33
  you have not yet had the conversation
• 35:35
  you need to have to take the next step
• 35:38
  and that's the
• 35:39
  that's the thing that needs to be sought after
• 35:41
  yeah um
• 35:41
  and that's what that data is telling you
• 35:43
  so yeah you know
• 35:45
  time is a funny thing it's
• 35:47
  it's our most renewable resource
• 35:49
  like every single morning
• 35:51
  we wake up with a fresh set of time
• 35:54
  a fresh bank of time and in its preciousness
• 36:01
  a lot of times we just
• 36:03
  we think of it as something that's not on our side
• 36:06
  but because of its preciousness
• 36:09
  we can kind of reshape how we view it
• 36:11
  and reshape how we approach it
• 36:12
  even reshape how we talk about it
• 36:14
  to understand that it is on our side
• 36:17
  if we choose to believe that
• 36:18
  and that's what that's the
• 36:20
  the main message that I
• 36:22
  that I try to communicate with audiences
• 36:24
  is that time is on your side
• 36:25
  if you choose to believe it yes
• 36:27
  it's precious
• 36:29
  but it's also renewable
• 36:31
  and I think in that renewability
• 36:32
  there's so much hope
• 36:33
  there's so much opportunity that exists
• 36:36
  you just have to see it that way
• 36:40
  Linds this has been absolutely incredible
• 36:41
  I'm so thankful to you for your time today and um
• 36:45
  and I think I think that just watching you develop
• 36:49
  into this keynote speaker
• 36:50
  over the last few years has been really just
• 36:53
  it's been kind of a gift for me
• 36:55
  to be able to see you do this
• 36:56
  and it's also been such a huge inspiration to me to
• 36:59
  choose to say yes to the things that feel like OK yeah
• 37:03
  I do wanna do that like instead of saying no
• 37:05
  I don't have time for this
• 37:06
  like it's no I'm I'm gonna do that
• 37:08
  like
• 37:08
  I'm gonna figure it out because that's important to me
• 37:11
  and you are absolutely like the
• 37:13
  the model of that for me so I really appreciate you
• 37:16
  it's amazing giving us your time today
• 37:18
  the gift of your time
• 37:19
  and I hope that those of you guys listening
• 37:21
  if you haven't taken
• 37:22
  a chance to go and listen to any of Lindsay's um
• 37:26
  keynotes like
• 37:26
  I would love to make sure that we can link
• 37:28
  one of those like
• 37:28
  where you get to hear her speak
• 37:30
  like the whole way through
• 37:31
  I know we touched on a lot of the main points
• 37:33
  that are in your talk but then
• 37:34
  like now
• 37:34
  let's like not spoil the whole surprise and go listen
• 37:38
  go listen to her speak like in her element
• 37:40
  because it is such an experience
• 37:43
  and I've just listened online
• 37:44
  I haven't been in person I'm sure
• 37:45
  I'm sure
• 37:46
  those are the people who've been with you in person
• 37:48
  it's like a totally different transformative experience
• 37:50
  so yeah um anyway
• 37:53
  but thank you thanks for being here
• 37:55
  you're welcome
• 37:55
  and I'm on Instagram @lindsspeaks L I N D S speaks
• 37:59
  so if you want to connect with me on there too
• 38:02
  I welcome it awesome
• 38:03
  well you guys thanks so much for listening
• 38:05
  thanks for tuning in and for subscribing
• 38:07
  if you are a subscriber if you're not
• 38:09
  please hit subscribe
• 38:10
  and we would love to have you guys back
• 38:11
  for the next time and Linds
• 38:13
  we will let you get on with the rest of your day
• 38:14
  and we will talk to you soon
• 38:16
  wonderful thanks Danet appreciate you