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My Pregnant Woman Bladder Versus Football Dreams · Unscripted After 40

0:13
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back.
0:14
SPEAKER_00: Um, let me catch you up.
0:16
SPEAKER_00: So you're tracking that I've been going to the gym more and I've been getting in shape.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: So since I've been getting in such good shape, I decided to try out for college football.
0:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, college football.
0:29
SPEAKER_00: Because I read in the news that, you know, if you only play four years of college football, you get a fifth year.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: Lucky for me, I play zero years in college football.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
0:43
SPEAKER_00: I don't think they got an age limit.
0:45
SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna look for it.
0:46
SPEAKER_00: But I'm gonna make sure that I am ready to go back and play college football.
0:51
SPEAKER_00: Especially since I can play for five years now.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: So if I start now, I won't be over 50 when I finish up.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: But they are younger than me and they might knock me out.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna get in shape and we're gonna we're gonna renegotiate this plan.
1:07
SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, I just heard the court decision.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: Because you know, football season is coming up, you know, especially college football season already started, and NFL is coming up soon.
1:16
SPEAKER_00: And that goes to the NFL.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: And apparently, I didn't know that you can fake being an NFL player and get women to give you money.
1:30
SPEAKER_00: I tell you, man, the scammers out, man.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: I I didn't know.
1:34
SPEAKER_00: You know, I know AI is amazing.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: If you look at my profile, I did me a little AI thing too.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I jumped on the bad wagon, I'm sorry.
1:41
SPEAKER_00: But but it was so funny when I saw it on Instagram.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: And like I said, that's one of the things I know I said in early episodes.
1:46
SPEAKER_00: I need stealth goddamn internet.
1:49
SPEAKER_00: Instagram and Facebook and Twitter or X or whatever they're called these days is fucking me up, okay?
1:56
SPEAKER_00: Uh it wasn't like that when I was growing up.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: We ain't had none of this stuff, so I don't know how to get unaddicted from it.
2:01
SPEAKER_00: I I need to go and get help.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: But like I say, but news told me that.
2:05
SPEAKER_00: I got it off the news, so you can read on it now.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: The news say that if you only play four years of college football, you can go back.
2:14
SPEAKER_00: Even if you made it on a pro team, they they made the way.
2:18
SPEAKER_00: I know they're gonna overturn it because they're gonna talk about these high school kids, you know, they're trying to think.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: But what about my dreams, you know?
2:25
SPEAKER_00: Well, I want to go to the pros too, so give me some help.
2:29
SPEAKER_00: But before I go back and try it for college football, and I know I make it, I'm not worried about that, because I'm I'm getting in shape now.
2:38
SPEAKER_00: I ain't I ain't, you know, back maybe six months ago, you probably would have got me now, but I'm I'm I'm in shape now.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: So, but um I'm gonna go back, I'm gonna do college, and then I'm gonna see if I can go try it for the pros again.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: Or well, at least fake that I went to the pros.
2:53
SPEAKER_00: All I need is a jersey and you know, photo shoot, you know, get get some things, do some practice videos just like the guy did, you know, and then walk around with a helmet.
3:03
SPEAKER_00: I I guess that's all you need.
3:04
SPEAKER_00: Walk around.
3:05
SPEAKER_00: I've never really seen an NFL player just walk around with a helmet, but I guess that's the thing.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: But before I get all that started, I need to solve my first problem I got going on these days, okay?
3:16
SPEAKER_00: Apparently, according to my daughter, I got a bladder of a pregnant woman because I, you know, occasionally use the bathroom.
3:28
SPEAKER_00: Now, I sometimes you have to use the bathroom, okay?
3:32
SPEAKER_00: When you get a little older, you use the bathroom more than you normally use.
3:36
SPEAKER_00: Would use.
3:38
SPEAKER_00: Would use, yeah, that's the correct names.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: Use the bathroom more than you normally would.
3:43
SPEAKER_00: And and that's what I'm doing, okay?
3:44
SPEAKER_00: I can't hold my pee all day.
3:46
SPEAKER_00: I I don't know how people do it.
3:47
SPEAKER_00: It is freaking horrible.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: It sounds disgusting, it sounds painful, but I have to use the bathroom every now and then.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: But I have been using it more than normal.
3:58
SPEAKER_00: But in my defense, I do take high blood pressure pills.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: And anybody that takes high blood high blood pressure pills, man, my speech is gone today.
4:07
SPEAKER_00: Anybody that takes high blood pressure pills know that it's a water-based pill and it makes you use the bathroom.
4:14
SPEAKER_00: But apparently, her, I need to go get checked because I got a problem.
4:18
SPEAKER_00: Because peeing at 6, then maybe peeing again at 7.
4:24
SPEAKER_00: Because I drank water, okay?
4:25
SPEAKER_00: I drank water when I woke up at morning.
4:27
SPEAKER_00: I woke up this morning, I drank up like maybe a half a gallon of water.
4:29
SPEAKER_00: It runs through me, okay?
4:31
SPEAKER_00: And then maybe peeing again at nine, and then peeing again, maybe at 11.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: But during that time frame, I was drinking the whole time.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: I like I said, not alcohol.
4:42
SPEAKER_00: I was drinking soda and water and juice.
4:45
SPEAKER_00: You know, the three combinations.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: Maybe a little less soda, because I'm not supposed to drink that much soda, but you know, I've been drinking it.
4:52
SPEAKER_00: I've been drinking juice and water, and I want to drink it to make sure my pea come out a natural color and that don't smell.
4:59
SPEAKER_00: You know, that's bad.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: I want to be hydrated.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: It's hot.
5:02
SPEAKER_00: It's hot in these streets.
5:03
SPEAKER_00: You know, for the last couple weeks they had like a heat wave.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if you walked outside and hit that heat wave.
5:10
SPEAKER_00: It it hit me hard.
5:11
SPEAKER_00: I went out there, whoof, about to pass out with the heat wave.
5:15
SPEAKER_00: So I drank some water.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: So as I was passing out hitting the bench, I drunk some water, you know, to make sure I stay hydrated.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: You got to stay hydrated these days when you go out there.
5:24
SPEAKER_00: Especially if you go out there and try for, like I said earlier, I'm going to try for college football again.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: I think I could do it.
5:30
SPEAKER_00: I, you know, I'm going to do me a poll one day and you know, I'm finding what college I'm going to go to.
5:34
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to see if I can be a five-star recruit.
5:37
SPEAKER_00: You know, I wasn't a five-star recruit the first time.
5:39
SPEAKER_00: Like I said, because I played zero years of football in college.
5:43
SPEAKER_00: Now, high school football, nah, I was the man.
5:46
SPEAKER_00: But apparently, um, for college, I was too small.
5:50
SPEAKER_00: But I look at the backs these days.
5:52
SPEAKER_00: Like I said, I was a tailback.
5:54
SPEAKER_00: And I still got a little speed on me, you know, just kind of over four.
5:56
SPEAKER_00: Don't mean I'm slow now.
5:57
SPEAKER_00: I keep telling me I'm slow.
5:59
SPEAKER_00: And now that I might have a peeing problem, according to my daughter, um, I'll be alright.
6:04
SPEAKER_00: You know, they make those little, I I guess I could pee between plays.
6:10
SPEAKER_00: Can you pee between plays?
6:12
SPEAKER_00: Well, they won't know if I pee on myself, cause I'll be sweating, right?
6:14
SPEAKER_00: I could just pee right there on my thing, but sweating.
6:17
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, um I did want to get checked because when you do pee a lot, that is a sign maybe that you might have a problem.
6:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I want to say the C-word because that that that that is a scary problem for most men.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: But I want to make sure everything was working fine because she I I give it up to my daughter a little bit.
6:37
SPEAKER_00: I was peeing, you know, uh quite a bit.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: Quite a bit, you know.
6:40
SPEAKER_00: But in my defense, like I say, I I blood pressure pills and you're trying to drink a gallon of water today.
6:46
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know how people drink a gallon of water today.
6:50
SPEAKER_00: I I I've been doing okay.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: I've been trying, I've been getting there.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: I mean, is a gallon is like 24 ounces.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: I know it's not, but I'm getting 24 ounces or a little bit over 24 ounces.
7:06
SPEAKER_00: Like I said, that's 216.
7:08
SPEAKER_00: Well, now I'm doing math wrong.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: What's 16 plus 16?
7:11
SPEAKER_00: Oh, good lord.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: Uh-uh, I'm I'm messing up math, and all y'all gonna see this.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: Y'all gonna talk about me later.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: I know y'all gonna talk about me in the comments.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: 16 plus 16, 12, 32, 32.
7:22
SPEAKER_00: God dang it, my man.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: I had my memory went bad just now.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 32 years old.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: No, I'm not 32, but 32 ounces.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: There we go.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: 32 ounces, we'll go for it.
7:31
SPEAKER_00: So, drinking 32 ounces or more.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: Like I said, I I maybe get up to I I gotta look and see.
7:40
SPEAKER_00: I know I'm not up to a gallon yet.
7:42
SPEAKER_00: I I get close.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: I get close, but it's it's hard drinking a gallon of water, and I don't know how people do it, but that that's what's making me pee more in my defense.
7:51
SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm saying.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: Between that and you know the pills that I'm taking, that make sure, because you know, high blood pressure, you know, joke either.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: You know, you gotta make sure that's that's a solid killer.
8:00
SPEAKER_00: So for those out there that got high blood pressure, make sure you take your pills, okay?
8:06
SPEAKER_00: Don't be ashamed to take your pills, okay?
8:08
SPEAKER_00: It's a lot of us in the black community and in the white community and the Asian community, all communities that have that issue and that, you know, you might need to take a little better care of yourself.
8:18
SPEAKER_00: You know, if you grow up like me back in the, you know, the 90s, you know, we we love our fried food and our salt.
8:25
SPEAKER_00: My mama used to, I don't think she knew another season but salt.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: I think salt and pepper was the only two seasons she knew.
8:32
SPEAKER_00: Like she didn't know nothing about um lorries or something like lorries or thing.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: Well, I don't know.
8:37
SPEAKER_00: Well, we go out to eat this seafood, so but other than that.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: But let me get back on the story, right?
8:42
SPEAKER_00: Like I say, so ketchup, like I said again.
8:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna try out for college football.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: Because, like I said, I'm eligible now to do five years.
8:48
SPEAKER_00: So I can play five whole years of college football since I played zero years.
8:52
SPEAKER_00: Now, don't quote me on that now, because I don't know if I'm right yet.
8:55
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna just get in shape first and then I'm gonna think about it and get ready for next year, next season, because this season is a wash.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna be ready for this season and get knocked out.
9:04
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I am gonna, you know, work on my NFL um videos so I can get ready for the NFL, my fake NFL career, and buy me a helmet.
9:14
SPEAKER_00: I just got to decide what team I'm gonna be on that that'll be on.
9:18
SPEAKER_00: But I have to solve this peeing problem too, because I can't be out there playing football and peeing, you know, on a regular basis.
9:27
SPEAKER_00: Like I said, I'm going in between like every hour and hour, you know, so that that's not too bad.
9:32
SPEAKER_00: And an average day, I might pee maybe five times.
9:36
SPEAKER_00: But like I was saying, when you're drinking a gallon of water and and drinking other juices, like I say, because I drink so like I said, I drink soda and I drink my juices, I want to make sure it's well balanced out, but I got a PM problem.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: And it all started, and like I say, I I don't even know where she got it from, but I went on a trip.
9:56
SPEAKER_00: And the trip is maybe three hours.
9:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we was on the roof about three or four hours, right?
10:02
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, because we're leaving from North Carolina to go to Atlanta, and that's about a four-hour trip, okay?
10:08
SPEAKER_00: So um, yeah, it was about I stopped about every hour, mainly because I was tired.
10:17
SPEAKER_00: You know, driving long distance these days ain't my forte no more.
10:21
SPEAKER_00: Back when I was in my 20s, I could sit there and drive 12 hours straight and be fine.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, it's not about to go down these days.
10:28
SPEAKER_00: So I have to make some stops in between these driving trips.
10:33
SPEAKER_00: And I pee before I got in the car.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: So that's what I did first.
10:38
SPEAKER_00: So I pee before I got in the car.
10:39
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
10:40
SPEAKER_00: Now, we did stop at a gas station prior to getting on the road.
10:45
SPEAKER_00: And I did pee there.
10:47
SPEAKER_00: And only reason I pee there because it's a good habit.
10:50
SPEAKER_00: Pee when you got a bathroom before you get on the road.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: So I went in the gas station.
10:55
SPEAKER_00: I got me like my, I already had my gown award, but I got a soda and I got one of those um juices.
11:04
SPEAKER_00: You know, they sell Sonny D in the gas station now.
11:06
SPEAKER_00: It was a little suspect, but you know, I like Sunny D.
11:09
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's not real juice, but it's good juice in my mind.
11:12
SPEAKER_00: But that's what I got.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: And I, before I got, before I went to Reginald Pay for it stuff, I told my daughter to hold it so I can go pee.
11:20
SPEAKER_00: I went and pee.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: And that's when she gave me that devish look, look at me like, mm-mm-mm.
11:25
SPEAKER_00: Like it's gonna be a long trip.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: Like she was doing some driving around here.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: And the sad part about she has a license.
11:31
SPEAKER_00: She can drive just fine.
11:33
SPEAKER_00: She just don't want to.
11:35
SPEAKER_00: You know, I understand that.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: It's it's my fault.
11:37
SPEAKER_00: So so men out there, stop making these girls drive.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: Stop making your daughters drive, okay?
11:42
SPEAKER_00: Because once they get in that bad habit, they don't want to drive.
11:45
SPEAKER_00: They grow up to be women that don't want to drive, want their man to drive for them all the time.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: And I I fucked up and I started that.
11:51
SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna make sure.
11:52
SPEAKER_00: Now, I say she can drive, but I don't mean she can drive well.
11:55
SPEAKER_00: But the only way you can get better at driving is driving.
11:59
SPEAKER_00: So, but as we got on the road, like I said, we drove like maybe an hour, then I had to pee, you know.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: And then, like I say, but I'll stop and take a rest because you know my eyes, you know, get tired.
12:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, even though I had a decent night of sleep.
12:14
SPEAKER_00: I don't couldn't say it was bad, couldn't say it was 100% good, but it wasn't bad.
12:18
SPEAKER_00: But driving four hours these days is a long way to drive, okay?
12:22
SPEAKER_00: So, but I stop every hour I use the bathroom like a normal person.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: Any known person, when they stop at a gas station, will at least attempt to use the bathroom.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: So it's not an age thing, it's a I have to use the bathroom thing.
12:37
SPEAKER_00: And that's okay, okay.
12:39
SPEAKER_00: But apparently her, after that trip, she realized that I pee a lot, and then she went through all the times she remembered me peeing a lot.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: So um, I um like I say, I went and got checked, I'm good.
12:53
SPEAKER_00: That that's all that counts in the grand scheme of things, that nothing is wrong with me.
12:58
SPEAKER_00: I'm perfectly normal and that it's normal to pee occasionally to the day.
13:03
SPEAKER_00: Like I say, I can hold it for maybe two or three hours, depending on what I'm drinking.
13:09
SPEAKER_00: But when you drink a lot of water, like I say, what else is supposed to happen?
13:12
SPEAKER_00: It gotta come out sometime.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: You drink it in, it gotta come out.
13:16
SPEAKER_00: So I guess I'll deal with this pregnant woman bladder, if that's what it is, that's what she wanna call.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: I don't think there's nothing wrong with it.
13:23
SPEAKER_00: You just have to use the bathroom sometime.
13:25
SPEAKER_00: But just to catch you up, like I said, I am trying out for college football.
13:29
SPEAKER_00: Nah, I'm not I'm just fucking with y'all, not doing that crap.
13:32
SPEAKER_00: But if you look at news, you can.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: Because I play zero years in college, so I can play five more years.
13:37
SPEAKER_00: But I am thinking about, seriously thinking about that fake NFL, you know, video that because it look look, just find it San Francisco receiver playing football or say playing football, scam all these women.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna scam no women, but I I I'm gonna I might think about doing a fake video.
13:59
SPEAKER_00: So if you see a fake video on my page, don't I like you?
14:02
SPEAKER_00: I didn't tell you it was coming, it's coming.
14:04
SPEAKER_00: So, and then I'm gonna keep drinking water because drinking water helped me flush out my body and get it normal so I can be in shape and get ready to, you know, try out for college football.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: Maybe.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: We'll see.
14:17
SPEAKER_00: But until next time, that that's my blurb of thing for all you old people out there that's my age and you need to play zero years in college.
14:24
SPEAKER_00: Hey, you can go back and play, baby.
14:27
SPEAKER_00: You just gotta sign for one class.
14:28
SPEAKER_00: And then if you're peeing a lot and your kids are picking at you, don't worry about it.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: Go get checked, make sure you're actually okay.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: And if you're okay, hey, you just wrenching your body out.
14:40
SPEAKER_00: Keep drinking them gallons of water and keep wrenching your body out.
14:42
SPEAKER_00: But just make sure you add some soda and juice and everything every now and then.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: Not too much soda, but some soda and juice, okay?
14:49
SPEAKER_00: But until next time, thank you for listening to me.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: Please catch up on all the episodes.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: Share with your friends and keep putting them comments in the bottom and let me know what you want to talk about as we go through this journey together, okay?
15:03
SPEAKER_00: Unstrip this after 40.
15:06
SPEAKER_00: Until next time.