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Episode 12: Season 1 Recap & What’s Next · the Unvarnished Edit

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Welcome to episode 12 of The Unvarnished Edit, where two friends talk about what it's actually like to live an adversity-filled life.
Be prepared to laugh, possibly cry, and swear along with us.
This is Angie, and today is the last episode of season one.
We discuss our favorite moments and give you a sneak peek into what we'll be up to in season two.
We hope you enjoy.
Can you believe that we are at the very last episode of season one? No, I know.
I was, like, starting to, like, work on my notes and, like, how do I feel about the recap? And I was, I don't know, it feels like we just barely started.
We just barely did Yes.
And Yes.
And also we've done it.
It's like, this is a big thing for both of us.
You all, you all may not know this, but for You might have picked it up, like, throughout the episodes, the other 11 episodes we've done.
However, this is a big thing for Jaelene and I to do something that is so personal.
I've seen it, but I public speak and I've spoke to hundreds of people and I've done hundreds of presentations.
And so this is personal public.
And personal public, we don't do.
Like, for example, my husband, you know, started this job and he had, like, met some people and he goes, "If you didn't have an issue with it, he goes, "I would, I would totally invite them over."
And I said, "To my house?" I know.
And he goes, "Yeah."
I was like, "What?" I go, "No."
And he goes, "No, I know that you wouldn't."
He goes, "But if you were okay with it, we would.
I go, and I'm still, I'm still stuck in it.
And I was like, "To my house, work people? Like, no.
I go, "We don't, we don't mix."
We don't, we don't mix that piece.
No.
And so for, you know, see, going, like, we've done this whole season and it's very, been very personal and public.
I'm very proud.
I, proud.
really proud of us for, like, setting an endpoint and saying, "We're gonna take a break.
We're only gonna do one season."
Because I, you know, obviously the way that we normally operate is let's just do this until we've exhausted ourselves and Mm-hmm.
up, right? Mm-hmm.
and, and also the personal part of it, I'm s- just, I'm just barely starting to get comfortable with it, and now we're taking a break, and I'm like, "Oh, no, what if I go through this again?" Yes, but next season, we will have some guests, so it won't be Oh, it's still gonna be personal, but yeah.
It's still gonna be Yes.
are really personal.
We're Yeah.
those at the end.
Yeah.
a little cap at the end.
But for our recap, I'm curious we made a couple notes that, of what we were gonna talk about, so I'm gonna ask you, what have you learned? Okay.
So the biggest thing, I think, for me, this whole entire season, like, the one thing that I really came away with was our episode on forgiveness.
Like, that was so powerful for me to remove the abuse of power of the word forgiveness from it, and to just make it a concept again, and one that actually, like, helped you know what I mean? Yeah.
Instead of, yeah, gave me the, the automatic, like, ick just saying the word.
What about you? Hmm.
I think there, there have been a couple moments in different episodes where I've been, like, I've Mm-hmm.
something, or I've learned something about myself.
I've learned Actually, I'm surprised at how much I've learned about you because we're Yeah.
so familiar with each other.
I, but I, I think my answer is a little bit more behind the scenes.
I Mm-hmm.
this is the first thing I've done in a extremely long time that I was not already good at.
And this is the first real growth project that I've done where I am in completely unfamiliar territory from the get.
And so I think what I've learned the most is how wonderful it feels to be in the learning space.
And that's been a really big growth for me, is that I have continued to show up every week, not knowing what I'm doing.
And not only does that go for, like, the public speaking part of it, it's also the behind the scenes.
You and I are editing everything, of the software, all of the uploading, all of the metrics, all of the social media clips, all, all of that, and I are doing it like bootstrapping, right? And I've learned so much, and I've learned things that I'm good at that I didn't know I was good at.
I've learned some things that, like, "Oh, you know what? Angie is way better at this, and I'm not even gonna touch it.
and I've learned how to less of a perfectionist.
I love it.
There was one episode, I think you're gonna know what I'm talking about, that behind the scenes, you were having a hard time editing because of some software Yeah.
issues that we had.
You said, you sent it to me and you were like, "Well, if we can figure out how to unlock this thing, I can't update the captions.
It's not working right."
Yeah.
I couldn't handle it.
I, and No.
was not that big of a deal.
The No.
were not that wrong.
was just nothing, I c- you had completely edited the entire episode.
There was nothing wrong with it, but there were some words spelled wrong that you couldn't fix, and I could not handle it.
I did what now I view as a Yeah.
insane thing.
I opened your version, and I played it side by side, the raw version, and I redid your edit because I wanted it to look like the way you had edited it.
I didn't wanna re-edit it.
I wanted to re- be respectful of your work, I wanted to fix the captions.
So I literally spent Jaelene, why didn't you tell me that? and Matt, Well, you are, but that's fine.
We could've figured out I could've figured out a different way.
I couldn't.
because then I would've had to make you do more work, and I can't do that.
This was, like, so inside my, Yeah.
pathology, my perfectionism, my boundaries.
Like, this was so Yeah.
so many things.
So I didn't tell you how much time it took me to do, but if you think about it, Yes.
someone else's edit to the raw footage takes a lot of time, and I fixed all the captions, and all I did was Yep.
"Okay, here you go.
I just redid that.
And, like, I told you what I did, and you were like, "Why did you do that? You didn't have to do that.
And I was like, "Don't worry about it.
Just post it.
Everything's fine."
Not long after that, I know, you guys, this is so inside my brain.
Not long after that, I had coffee with my oldest child, and we started talking about philosophy, and we started talking.
I love having coffee with her because she is so smart, and she brings up Yeah.
that I never think about, and it's such a deep intellectual conversation.
And we were talking about the difference between Eastern philosophy and Western philosophy, and she had listened to a podcast where someone had said for them, it was an in- interview, for them, biggest difference between Eastern and Western philosophy is that in Eastern philosophy, the perspective is everything is in the process of becoming something else.
And in Western philosophy, the perspective is everything is what it is, and how And, and she struggles with perfectionism as well.
And that philosophy of everything is in the process of becoming something else felt like someone was, like, opening a jail cell for me, where I was like, I'm fine.
I am literally just in the process of becoming something else."
And, like, all of my perfectionism kind of, like, dropped after that, and every episode since then has been so much more comfortable for me.
I've not stressed about anything.
Before that, I usually tried to be really careful how much time I put in between my words or how often I said the word, yeah, or I was constantly thinking of these things, especially if I knew you were gonna edit an episode.
I wanted to make it as easy as possible for you by being as efficient with my words on my side.
so about, I know, so about halfway through Yeah.
just, like, let go and thankfully it was right before the prison episode.
Woof.
That's, I that's a big decision.
Yeah.
a lot.
I Yeah.
was a lot for me, as I'm sure everyone understands and knows that was, I was so proud of you.
me.
I was so proud of you.
And I didn't honestly expect you to go I did not expect you to give the whole entire story.
And when you did, I was like, look at her go.
Like, look at her go.
Yeah.
Super proud.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, and maybe, not right now, but maybe in the future, we'll talk about the other things that were going on in my life at that time Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I know, it's been a lot.
It's a lot.
And we've all had life continue to go on too, you know, during this.
So you know, we just, we literally, you know, before we even started this last episode, we always do a personal touch base before we even hit that record button, right? Because we need to get some of that stuff that y'all are never hearing out Yeah.
beforehand.
But what you will hear is that last statement is like, "We cannot make up our lives."
Like, if you if you try to, like, write a story of what y'all would never come close to touching the, just the shit that goes on routinely in your lives.
it's like, it's And I've had a hard time sometimes finding that balance because we're here to talk about having an adverse filled life and managing it poorly and managing it well, right? And w- we've been doing that in a hindsight way.
Sometimes we Yeah.
like, right now, this is what I'm working on, this is what I'm doing, but at the same time that we've been doing that, you and I have both been going through some really challenging Yeah.
personal times, and can't talk about it right Yeah.
Like, there's no way.
I'm Yeah.
You're not ready.
But it feels really good to come into this literal digital room with you and be with my friend.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think that's honestly our part of our self-care, though, as well.
You know, like, I know that the struggle is, like, we're supposed to be, we're here to be vulnerable and to be raw, and we're not actually talking about the things that are currently going on.
We're only talking about things that have happened in the past.
That is honoring the space that we're in though, because I think a lot of times people think, if you're gonna be vulnerable, if you're gonna be transparent, if you're gonna be honest, like, everybody needs to know everything, no, that is not the case.
You know, and Jaelene and I even have that with our, with our husbands, right? There are things that we, and we've talked about this before that we keep to ourselves as kind of marinating on an idea or, you know, doing something until we are comfortable sharing it because it's just not in the space to be born yet and it's not in that space- Yeah.
to have that conversation.
And so, yeah, we do talk about the things that have happened in the past.
One, we have plenty of material, but two, because it's not the time and space right now to have the conversation about some of the other things that that are going on and that's honoring ourselves, right? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It It's a boundary absolutely is.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
It is.
I, it's easier to talk about something when you've had time to dissect it and feel okay about it and also life doesn't stop and we made this commitment and it's been such a joy for me to have people reach out to me and tell me how impactful or, you know, you said this thing or this episode meant so much to me.
And I've had friends text me and say, now we know Angie, it feels like she's our friend too."
And, like, I sent you a screenshot of that one text and it was, it's just, it's been such a joy to have that connection to people and have them learn something or hear something new or gain something.
And I was talking to someone and I said, "You know, do you, when you listen, do you feel like you do you have a takeaway? Do you, are you getting what you need?" And she said, "Really, what I feel like is recognized.
I see myself in some of the things that you're saying, and I feel and that's all I need."
And I just was so touched by that.
I was Yeah.
touched that.
So that's been a really great thing, is the, the feedback that Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that.
I've had a lot of fun and it hasn't felt like work which is really nice because I've worked a lot in my life and in my day, right? And it, it felt like, yeah, just like, "Oh, this is kind of fun."
And even, like, editing it and doing that is kind of, like, worked to it, but it's like, "Oh, wow, we said that.
I mean, and with my dissociative disorder, I was like, "Wow, we said that.
We admitted that.
I, just due to our works I know, and due to our work schedules, I end up editing more episodes than you do.
And so when there's one that you edit, and I then Yeah.
social media clips, you know, when you edit an episode Yeah.
hear it so many times, like, over and over and over again.
And so I know them by heart and, but the ones that you've done, and then I see the social media clips, I'm like, "Oh my gosh, we said that.
Or, like, I'll, it'll be something that I've said or that you've said Yeah.
funny and we're laughing and I'm like, "Oh my Yeah.
I know.
It No, it's a total surprise.
It was like when we, when you're when we did the Healthy Relationships podcast, you're like, "I'm not quite sure about this one."
And I listened to it and I was like, "Hey, that was actually pretty good."
And I text you, I was like, "That was surprise, that was surprisingly good."
Like, I was there.
I had no, no recollection.
Yeah.
And you're still surprised by it, which is funny because the next question we had is what has been your favorite moment and I have No.
you thought of yours? Oh my gosh, the funniest thing that, the relationship episode, if everyone probably doesn't remember it the way we do, because we hear them so many times, at the very end, I leaned in and I said, "Babe, if you're listening to this, don't tell me, right? This man, tell me why."
At one point, he says to me, I've, I said, "Have you ever listened to an episode?" And he was like, "Part of them, yeah."
And I said, "What do you mean part of it? Like, you started it and then you paused Yeah.
like, This isn't for me.
And he was like, "Well, no.
Truthfully, I've just seen the clips on social media.
I haven't listened to one yet."
And Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
that was fine with me.
One night, one night, we're sitting on the couch and he's, like, laughing really hard and he's got his AirPods in.
And I'm like, "What are Stop.
now?" because I've trained him, I have trained him to be more Yeah.
Yeah.
TikToks, right? And so fi- I was like, "What are you doing?" And he's like, "I'm listening to your podcast."
And I was like, "Oh my God, not right next to me.
You're not supposed to do it on the couch with me.
And he's, like, saying little things, whatever.
I don't know what episode he's listening to.
He was listening to that episode and at the very sitting next to me on the couch and I was like, "This is not okay with me.
So at the very end, when I said, "Hey, babe, if you're listening to this, don't tell me.
I could tell when he reached that, because he just looked at me and he goes, "I'm not listening to your podcast."
Oh my God, that's so good.
The, Todd would, he, he's not gonna listen to any of it.
I don't have to worry about that because my husband is, like, no social media.
And I mean, legitimately, no social media.
Like, when him and I got together, I tried to do so lucky.
the normal deep dive that you would do on somebody, and he has zero, just about zero internet presence.
So he is, like, no Facebook, no, nothing.
wish.
I don't even think he would know how to get to the Spotify link or the podbean link or any of that, so you're really stable.
That's true.
he's not gonna get a clip across the thing.
However, I w- w- that relationship one, I was watching, I think, one of the clips, and it was about having a healthy relationship in a container of a healthy relationship, right? And he goes, "Was that you? And I was like, "Really? This is the time that you actually hear something that's going on.
Seriously, ear like, you don't hear anything else when we're actually having conversations, you hear this? And I was like, "Yes."
So I had to tell him, he's like, "You talk about me? I'm like, "Yes."
Maybe No.
kinda- I say nice things.
I know.
Yeah, I know.
I just, I, it's this weird thing of, like, I know my friends and family are going to listen to it at some point, and that's the Yeah.
of having Yeah.
listen to it, and I want them to listen to it, and I want strangers to listen to it, but I don't want anyone to tell me they're listening to it but I do, We're so complicated as people.
yet.
I'm just proud of us that we've, that we've done it.
We've done it.
Too.
I don't know if I have a Yeah.
And we have some good bloopers.
I just We have to, like, that one time where our microphones weren't working and it just kept echoing, and we just laughed for, like, 25 minutes watching each other laugh, literally.
We can, we can probably pull the one where I just had to go to the bathroom so bad and had to stop mid stop mid conversation.
Like Oh, yeah.
And honestly, like, y'all will notice it once if you go back, because I was absolutely fidgeting in my chair and I am, like, what is my problem? Like, I am 50 years old.
Why does my bladder respond this way? It's rude.
This is a big ask of people.
We look at our metrics, right? I try I'm not caught up in them because that's Yeah, yeah.
I'm doing this project, but of course I look at them and I can tell that there is a group of people that watch it on YouTube, there's a separate group that listen to it on a podcast platform.
I have a general sense that most of the people that I know are on this podcast platforms.
Who If you are watching this on YouTube, who are you? Tell me.
I have to know.
You know, it's so funny, like, all my husband does is watch any of his podcasts, they're all on YouTube.
Yeah.
I do, too.
I do both, but I watch a lot on YouTube.
But I have a feeling that the people watching it on YouTube, I might not They might not be, like, Yeah.
to me.
so if you could just let me know who you are, that would just really satisfy some curiosity on my part.
Thank you for listening, and I hope that you have liked this.
You've seen me cry.
You've seen me drink a lot of sodas.
have? I don't think I've ever seen you drink.
I've always, I'm always drinking a drink and That is not true.
I just literally did just Really? drink a drink? Where is it? No, every single episode.
Huh, I never noticed that.
know what I noticed is that when you're talking, I always have such an intense face because I'm just listening, but it looks not right.
So I've actively been trying to, like, when you're talking so that I'm not, like 'Cause this is what it looks like, and I want it to look like this.
No, I to- No, no, no.
I totally get that because Okay, so I chew nicotine gum, right? And I, for the last three, I have not.
Okay.
but I, it's, I am constantly chewing while you're talking, and I'm ch- and it drives me bananas when I am editing.
So I don't know.
If y'all have seen that, It's so if you don't normally see it, let me know, because I'd love to have a nicotine gum, like, twenty four seven.
I'm good with that, but Yes.
It's like these little things that I've started to notice.the
word gaps than Yes.
the yeahs.
And so your quirk is No, I say right, like, right, right, a right? The amount of times that I have taken that word out Luckily, I don't luckily, I don't actually really care too much because, you know, I think it's one of the joys of my dissociative disorder.
Once something is done, it's legitimately done.
done.
And so, you know, yeah, like, you, like, even just asking for, like, a recap is I have to, I have to actually go back and think I actually have to look at my paper and I have to be like, "Okay, like, what did we even talk about? Like, we did an episode.
How do you show up even if you don't want to? That was Okay.
Is five.
episode Yeah.
Okay, that episode, I need to go back and listen to it because that is actually Really? episode.
I wonder if that Yeah.
eight is what is out there right now.
Episode five is by We've released through 9 right now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's right.
But I wonder, I wonder if that's more a sign of the times than anything of showing up even when we don't want to.
You know what I mean? Like, the name of it.
And then, Yeah.
But I have no, I have no clue.
Yeah.
Well, the name of it No, that's not even the name of it.
That's why I wasn't sure what that episode was.
The name of it was something about purpose Oh.
tiny steps forward.
Yeah.
So next season, we teased it a little bit at the beginning of this one.
We are going to have some guests next season, but we're also going to change our schedule, not our schedule format.
Yep.
We're doing something a little different.
Let's just say that.
Let's say that.
So next season, we have three topics, and we are going to do four episodes under each topic, and they'll be spaced out.
So it'll be, like, topic one, topic two, topic three, and then we'll circle back to topic one and kind of go in that way through the whole season.
So we will have 12 full episodes covering three topics and then a recap episode at the end of this season.
So do you want Yeah.
I'm super excited for the way that we kind of structured out next season.
We talked about doing full entire seasons of each one of these, and they, they honestly could be full entire seasons of each one, but in our quest to not leave anybody out there are some of us who are not parents, right? There's some of us that are, there are some of us that are, you know, really good at some of these other things.
So we are going to touch on for four episodes, Joy and Happiness, which I'm not actually quite sure how I feel about that one.
I know that I know that it will be, be good though.
The four episodes after that, or the next episode arc, I should say, is spirituality, which could be probably 17 episodes.
Yeah, that's, it's a, it's a, it's a big one, but we're gonna, we're gonna talk about just four of those.
And then our last series is our parenting one.
So really being able to kind of look at some of the different aspects of parenting, but we all know that could be a few seasons on its own.
There's people who their whole podcast is about parenting and whole Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
spirituality.
So, I'm super excited for it.
I think I'm really excited for the spirituality one.
Really Yeah.
parenting one and a little nervous for joy and happiness.
You and I both talked about before about how we struggle to embody joy, especially.
Mm-hmm.
that will be, like, the forgiveness piece of this season we really walk away Yeah.
strategies.
I'm excited and we're gonna have guests.
We'll have at least one guest Yep.
in each arc.
And we're really excited about that to introduce especially because one of those guests is one of our very dear mutual friends Mm-hmm.
really excited to introduce to everyone so much, so much.
And so really looking forward to that.
And so then I guess I would just say, what this does take a lot out of me emotionally.
I think the vulnerability that I have really tried to bring to these conversations it, it takes a lot, right? And so I am curious, what are you doing over the next break time to kind of, like, gain that energy back or, or Yeah.
recover from Yeah, no.
And honestly, vulnerability hangover is, like, so real.
And you know, throughout this whole process, especially as we kind of got deeper, the first couple episodes just kind of talking about ourselves, but there's a whole different vulnerability piece of, like, this is the first time we're doing this, this is gonna be kind of public.
But we got kind of deep into some of, into some of those pieces.
And so throughout each one of them I typically can't do any work the rest of the day.
And I shouldn't say can't, I don't.
I, I am like, "You know what? I've done a lot today and I'm just gonna let this sit and I'm gonna let this integrate and we're just gonna see kind of what comes up."
And that has helped it not have that long-term piece to it.
Today I have to, I do have to work because I unfortunately just have things that are already, already scheduled in that piece.
So we'll see what that looks like, how long of a time it takes to recuperate.
But I do think I'm actually going to go back and I'm gonna challenge myself to listen to some of the episodes because typically if you've, if you've edited them, I did not go and listen to them.
And yeah, I think I'm, I think I'm going to do that to kind of keep that energy piece of it up enough that it doesn't kind of like, yeah, Yeah.
What about you? am in a different place in my life that I've ever been in before.
And so I'm a little bit on, I don't wanna say uneven ground, because I, Yeah.
not how I feel.
New territory.
was I'm in Yeah.
very new territory.
Yes.
I I'm not really working very much right now.
very unusual for me.
And I have, like, two different lives, right? Like, I have a week when I have my daughter and I'm intensely parenting, then I have an entire week where I can just be me, and I just have me, and, and my husband, obviously.
But having, pulling back from work a little bit has given me, more free time than I've ever had in my life, Right, right.
In the outside world, Yeah.
side of our barbed wire fence.
And I'm not really sure what I'm doing right now.
So I have decided that over the next couple weeks, kind of as we take a break and before we ramp up into doing, like, these, our next season, I am really going to lean into, Nice.
I've decided that that's something that I really haven't done.
most of the work that I do has been m serious in, in, like, the trauma field or recovery or And I would like to, Nice.
have some fun Yes.
more light and I am, you know, personally going through something Yeah.
I do Yeah, no.
right now.
So I am ready to do something fun and creative, and so I'm looking at some art stuff.
I'm looking at writing trying to find an outlet for some creative writing and really looking forward to And I'm hopeful that when we get into the joy and happiness episodes, that this will kind of, like, segue me into prepping for deciding to open up to Yeah.
a little bit.
So that's I love it.
gonna be doing.
I love it.
Yeah, I love that you're doing the kind of creative pieces for that, that outlet.
I do think joy and happiness, it's one of the pieces that I, I think we've talked about before that I've been intentionally trying to access that.
We've talked about before that you and I that it's just really difficult.
And so I might have to add some of that to it in the meantime.
Maybe work on lowering our resistance to the topic.
Yes.
I think that's how I'm thinking of my creativity, is if I Mm-hmm.
that really creative part of my brain openly and without judging it, that I might lower my resistance to joy and happiness.
I think there Absolutely.
linkage there that I'm interested Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Oh, well, I cannot believe it.
We are there.
Thank you.
Yes.
Thank you everybody who has listened this first season and we are truly thankful that you are here.
I would love to hear any feedback you have, any requests for episodes, any of those kinds of pieces.
And we will meet back.
Let me look.
yeah.
When do we come back? I will keep our social media active.
I have some bloopers I'm gonna post.
I have some, like, priming the pump kind of things to post.
And so you'll still see us on social media.
We love hearing from you.
And thank you so much for all the likes and the shares and the feedback, and And we will launch season two.
It will launch on Thursday, August 6th.
So keep an eye, eye out Oh, and have a great summer, everyone.