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Dating during divorce · Family Law Talk

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  Speaker 1: Welcome to Family Law Talk. Familylaw Talk presented by Kurt
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  Stangy of Stangy Law Firm PC. Stangy Law Firm is
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  a multi state family law firm. Now here's your host,
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  Kirk Stangy.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to Family Law Talk. We have an interesting topic today.
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  The topic is dating during divorce. Now, this episode today
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  is based on an article on our blog Famallawheadquarters dot
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  com dated January twenty eight, twenty twenty five, and the
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  title of that article is is dating during divorce Okay?
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  So as a follow up to the episode today, going
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  over to Familawheadquarters dot com and read that article from
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  more information all Right, Dating during divorce common question lots
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  of individuals ask when going through a divorce. Lots of
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  clients want to know is this okay? Is this not okay?
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  Should I date? Should I not date? Lots of individuals
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  feel the need to connect with somebody while they're going
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  through a divorce. I mean, the reality is, if you
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  think about it, is like a guy going through divorce
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  is only going to be able to hang out with
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  their guy friends so much. I mean, they're not going
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  to be able to do it all the time. The
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  same with ladies. You know, hanging out with the lady
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  friends all the time is going to be tough. You know,
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  they've got other things going on, and so the need
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  to connect, the need to date, in a way, comes
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  from this feeling of emptiness. It comes from the feeling
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  of loneliness. All of a sudden, they're going through divorce
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  where they don't have their kids. They're spending a bunch
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  of time by themselves. When somebody's spending a bunch of
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  time by themselves, They're in their thoughts, you know, they
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  can spin in a way, worrying about the divorce and
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  worrying about the outcome of it. So in a lot
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  of ways, individuals may just be looking for sort of
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  a distraction. They might be looking for something fun during
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  their divorce that takes their mind off the divorce itself,
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  which can be overwhelming, it can be stressful, and so
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  this is where a lot of it comes from. Now,
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  maybe other individuals have other motivations for wanting to date.
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  I mean, maybe they're looking to get re very quick
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  or get into a serious relationship quick. Everybody's different. But
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  I mean, the truth of the matter is, this is
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  a very very common question that lots of individuals ask,
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  so is dating during divorce a good idea? Look, the
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  textbook answer to that question is it's not a good idea.
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  Any legal textbook answer is going to say, wait until
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  after the divorce is finished to begin dating. So this
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  is the textbook answer. I mean, this is the answer
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  I would give anybody else if they want to be
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  as safe as possible, wait until after the divorce is
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  over to begin dating. And so then lots of individuals say, well,
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  why why do I need to wait? Well, the truth
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  of the matter is if somebody begins dating and they
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  get into a relationship with somebody, it's possible that the
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  other spouse could think, oh no, this was going on
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  before the divorce was filed, and maybe my spouse was
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  having an affair the whole time. They say, this relationship
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  only began after we separated and the divorce began, But
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  oh no, I don't believe them. I think that this
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  affair was going on for a long time, and maybe
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  this was kept hidden from me. Okay, this is where
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  a lot of individual's minds might go. And so then
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  what can happen is a new significant other ends up
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  being subpoened and they get subpoened as to maybe child
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  cussy issues, financial issues, you name it, and it can
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  really make a mess of things if that were to occur. Okay,
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  So that is risk number one that it just muddies
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  the water and potentially complicates things. If a new significant
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  other ends up being introduced to the kids, this could
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  be potentially problematic as well. The other spouse might argue
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  this is harmful the kids. The kids are still just
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  reeling from the divorce and getting used to that. Now
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  they're being introduced to a new significant others so soon,
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  and so this can cause the divorce to become more
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  complicated if the other spouse is not approving of the
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  fact that there's an introduction having taken place, right, and
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  so this can muddy the waters. Others would also argue
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  this which is looking individuals should heal from the divorce fully,
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  let that percolate, let that transpire, let them move on
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  from it before they enter into new relationships or begin dating,
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  because if not, they could just be jumping from the
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  marriage into a new relationship and maybe they haven't put
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  a whole lot of thought into it, and that maybe
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  this isn't a good thing. It could just lead to
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  more breakups and more drama and more problems. So this
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  is another common reason a lot of individuals or lawyers
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  will tell people, hey, don't begin dating until after the divorce. Okay,
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  better to wait until after it's over. Okay. So there
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  could be other reasons that that lawyers give their clients
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  or that counselors give their clients, you know, to wait
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  to eight until after the divorce is over. But these
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  are some of the big ones that I've seen. Okay.
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  In saying this, though, a lot of individuals are still
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  not really moved and they're hoping that there is some
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  kind of window where they can begin dating again. This
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  goes back to what I was saying at the beginning.
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  When going through a divorce, Okay, there can be feelings
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  of emptiness. An individual can feel very lonely, especially if
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  they don't have the kids with them, you know. So
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  now they're in let's say they've separated, they're living by themselves,
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  they don't have their kids with them, Okay. It's hard
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  to hang out with your plutonic friends. Only so much
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  so if your guy, you got your guy friends, Okay,
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  they can't hang with you all the time. Your lady
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  got your lady friends. They can't hang with you all
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  the time. So then individuals are sitting at home and
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  they're spinning, they're thinking about their divorce or in their thoughts,
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  and it's just like, gosh, having a distraction in the
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  minds of many would be a good thing. And so
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  they're still thinking, is it terrible if I begin dating?
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  I know I shouldn't, but is it really going to
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  be awful if I do? Again, the textbook answer any
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  lawyer would give their client as you should wait. All right,
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  that's the textbook answer. That's the safest approach. All right.
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  But for those who are still like, I hear that,
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  but I still want to date. I still feel a
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  desire to date. I still feel like if I date
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  and I just strack myself from the divorce, then this
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  is going to be actually better because I'm going to
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  be happier because I'm enjoying life and I'm not just
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  obsessing over the divorce. So this is again where a
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  lot of people are going, and a lot of people
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  are thinking, okay, And so look for individuals who hear
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  all this and they're like, look, I'm going to date.
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  I feel like I need a date. I'm just not
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  going to sit at home and pout over this divorce.
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  I feel like I need to get out there. Look,
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  there's some things individuals can do if they're going to
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  date that can really minimize a risk. Okay, and let
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  me give you these, which is, Look, it's important to
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  be separated first. If you're still living in the same
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  home with your spouse, not a great time to begin dating, right.
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  I mean, house is gonna see you coming and going
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  and leaving and all these different things, and that can
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  raise questions right there. So typically, if a person's not
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  going to wait until they're divorced, at least wait till
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  you're physically separated, all right. Don't introduce a new significant
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  other to the kids while the divorce is betting so zich.
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  If an individual is going to date, okay, but don't
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  do intros with the kids until after the divorce is over.
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  Not a good thing. If you do that, you can
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  really make the divorce a lot more complicated, and there
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  can be arguments you're harming the kids psychologically or something
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  like that. So don't do intros until after the divorce
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  is over. Okay. Don't have overnight visitors over while you've
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  got the kids as well. Right, so you got a
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  new boyfriend, you got a new girlfriend, Okay, don't have
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  them stay the night it's your place while the kids
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  are with you during the divorce. Like, that's a bad
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  idea that can really cause a divorce to blow up. Okay,
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  don't do that. Don't post about it online. Be discreet.
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  Right so you got a new boyfriend, you got a
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  new girlfriend, and you're excited about it. Okay, great, but
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  don't be posting about it and put it out in
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  the public sphere. Be discreet, keep it private. And if
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  you do that, then it might not even become known
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  to your spouse and might not even become an issue.
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  All right. So again for individuals that are just like, look,
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  I'm just going to date. I'm willing to assume the risk.
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  These are some tips that I think are important, which
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  is waiting till physical separation, not introducing any significant others
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  to the kids, not having overnight visitors while you have
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  the kids, and being discreet by not posting about it
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  online or faunting this new relationship. Like, these are all
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  important things to do. The other thing I would say
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  is this, But a lot of individuals ask this question
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  and they want to know if they can begin dating
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  or not. What they say is, look, my spouse is
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  already dating. You know, my spouse already has a new
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  boyfriend or girlfriend. You know, they're out there dating, and
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  everybody knows dating. Why can't I begin dating? Okay, Obviously,
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  this argument, in a way, you know, cannot be the greatest.
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  It's you know, it can be an argument like, well,
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  they're doing it, so I can do it kind of thing,
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  and sometimes that's not the best argument to make in
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  any area of life. But in this specific area, if
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  the other spouse is dating, and they're openly dating, then
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  I do think in a way it's hard for them
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  to make an issue of you dating when they're doing
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  it themselves, right, And so I do think the risk
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  if this becoming a giant issue is even a little
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  bit smaller if the other spouse is already dating. Though, again,
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  if you're going to begin dating again, keep in mind
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  the things I talked about, which is the waiting until
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  physical separation, not introducing any significant others new significant others,
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  new boyfriends or girlfriends of the kids, not having the
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  overnight visitors, and not flaunting it in these kinds of things. Okay,
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  So again, dating a divorce, very very important topic, very
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  very common topic. Again, the textbook answer is not to
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  do it, to wait until after the divorce, but look
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  for a lot of individuals, that's tough stuff, particularly when
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  a divorce could take many months, could take more than
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  a year. I've seen cases come close to take it
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  two years. So for a lot of individuals, it's like, well,
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  I can't put my life on hold forever. So you know,
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  in hearing this, if individuals are like, well, I'm just
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  going to date anyway, it's best to follow some of
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  the tips I've given here today and not flaunt this
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  relationship and make it a big deal, because if you
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  do it, it can really complicate the divorce and result
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  in more problems that a lot of individuals probably aren't anticipating.
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  All right, well, this is the topic again, dating during divorce.
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  As a follow up to the episode, going over to
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  familaw Headquarters dot com, read the article titled is dating
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  during divorce? Okay? This will give you more information on
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  this topic. But thanks for tuning in today, Stay tuned
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  to our next episode on FAMI Law Talk coming up.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you very much, Thank you for listening to Family
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  Law Talk with kirk Stangy is it Stangye Lawfirm dot
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  com for more about today's topic, or to put Stange
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