Latest / The Ben Maller Show / The Fifth Hour: Middle Seat Maller

Transcript

The Fifth Hour: Middle Seat Maller · The Ben Maller Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Kabooms.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: It's the clearinghouse of hot takes. Break free for something special.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: In the air everywhere, The Fifth Hour with me, Ben Mahler,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: and it is produced by our friend Brie. And we're
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: gonna get her on the mail bag at some point
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: at one of these weekends, We're gonna have Bri on
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: the mail bag. And we look forward to that. It
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: is the one hundred and twenty second day of the year.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: More importantly, it is on like you know what later today,
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: the biggest horse race of the year in America, the
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: can Hucky Derby, the greatest two minutes in sports, the
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: most exciting two minutes in sports, one and a half
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: mile race at the iconic Churchill Downs in beautiful Kentucky.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Look forward to watching that. I will not be having
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: a mint, Julip, I will not be wearing funny hats.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: I wear funny hats anyway because of the hair situation.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: So anyway, looking forward to that. I will be watching
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: the event. We have some fans of the show that
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: work at Churchill Downs, so we're looking forward to that.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Play my old Kentucky Home, the legendary tune, and wear
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: your favorite clothes. On this edition of the Fifth Hour podcast,
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: we've got the Green Team somewhere in Cheyenne, Wyoming, and
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: a Special Forces Malar Militia get together now. I mentioned
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: on the Friday podcast, I mentioned yesterday that we had
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: a great time. There's more stories to tell. We're going
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: to get to those stories in a couple of minutes. However, first,
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: as amazing as Ohio and Kentucky were and everyone was
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: very nice, and we'll again tell you more about that. However,
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: the Malor Meet and Greet train tube is rolling into
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: New England next and this one's got big time energy.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: Boston my favorite road city. I've been to Boston more.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: I've had a couple of gigs, radio jobs in Boston.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: I've had a TV job in Boston, and they really
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: love the shtick that we do on the Overnight show.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: You guys have been great and Boston is back on
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: the schedule, and it's not just a stop. This is
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: a full blown weekend takeover. We start less than a
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: week from today on May eighth. Today's May second, so
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: May eighth, this Friday, in the shadow of the Cathedral
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: of Baseball fin Way pack at the Mighty Squirrel Taproom.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Have I been to the Mighty Squirrel Taproom? No? I
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: have not. I have not. It's a prime location. It's
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: been walking distance of baseball history and the Red Sox game,
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: and so perfect spot to kick off things. We're gonna
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: go to the Red Sox game. You're invited if you
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: have a ticket. We're gonna be at the game against
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Tampa and then if it gets rained out, we'll just
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: come earlier. I don't know the forecast. I haven't looked
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: at the weather app on my phone. I know this
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: time of the year there's a lot of rain whatnot.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: We're gonna be at the Mighty Squirrel tap Room after
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: the Red Sox game. Looking forward to that, and then
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: a week from today on May ninth, that's Saturday. For
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: week from today we roll over to Worcester and that's
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: on May ninth. Fiddler's Green Pub Take Notes Fiddler's Green
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Pub the Worcester Irish Center. I am told after the
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Wussox game. So the game starts about four o'clock. So
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: when I six thirty or seven, Because one night is
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: not enough, as an MLB legend of years gone by,
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: said the great late Ernie Banks, let's play two. So
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: we're gonna have to. This is the first time ever
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: we've done something like this. Now I realized that Boston
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: and Worcester are separated by a number of miles, so
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: it's not exactly the same back to back belly to
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: belly thing. It's close enough. A few people of email
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: we say how many ten both. I love the show
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: so much, I'm gonna come to Boston and I'm wanna
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: see out in Worcester, which is great. You don't have
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: to do that. You just come to one. If you
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: want to come to both, You're more than welcome. Double
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: your pleasure, double your fun. And this is a podcast
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: exclusive weekend the entire crew. Unlike Ohio when it was
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: just me in Kentucky, the entire crew is expected Cooper,
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Loop and Lorena and a Rogues gallery, a motley crewe
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: of Malard Militia legends We're talking possible appearances from Blind Scott,
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Mark from the North End, Chris from Boston, a regular
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: on the game show Andre in the Commonwealth. There's even
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: rumors floating around like a conspiracy hotline, that the Great
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Danny DeVito, America's favorite trash man, will be making an appearance.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: No promises, we're not ruling anything out. Moving man Matt
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: reached out to me this week and said he's aiming
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: for the Worcester event. He's got a hectic schedule with
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: his daughter flying around planes, trans and automobiles. He's going
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: to try to make it there as we expect. Also
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: the Worcester event, Alf the alienal Pinter, does it get
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: bigger than that? In the Matther of Militia, Alf the
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: alienal Pinter, the man, the myth, the furry creature, the legend.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Alf expected to attend. Outside of the regulars that are
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: part of the show, We've got Big Lou from the
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: LBC who could parachute in. Ernesto from the Bay says
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: he is going to make the trip. And let's be clear,
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: no velvet rope, there's no charge, there's no secret code.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: This is not to speak easy. These things you don't
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: need to be a regular caller. You don't need to
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: be someone that's on social media interacting with the show.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: The vast majority will never ever interact with the show
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: other than just listening. That's really what it's all about.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: And so you don't need some kind of letter from
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: your doctor to attend. You just need to show up.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: And I have a special message. If you're a fellow introvert,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: you're my people. I get you. I understand. I've lived
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: that life. I continue to live that life, even though
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: occasionally I will I will go differently. I will I
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: will do something a little different. I will go to
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: these things and I'll try to put myself out there.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: So come visit. If you're an introvert, I promise it
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: won't be that bad, and I will track you down
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: and say hello. If you're in the back of a room,
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: I will make my way around. I always try to
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: make my way around to be very cordial as much
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: as I can. My mom taught me that. Blame my mom.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: So this is a thank you tour for making the
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: show the number one overnight sports Juggernaut on the Flame Thrower,
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: the Sports Sub ninety eight point five, the Sports Ub,
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: the top sports radio station in the country. We're on
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: there every night on the overnight. And I want to
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: thank Mike the Leprechaun and Mike in New Hampshire who
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: have been amazing the planning, the logistics to make all
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: this happen. They've spent a lot of time to put
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: everything where it needs to be. We love to bust
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: Mike and Mike the Leprechaun's balls because that's what we do.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: And Mike in New Hampshire loves to bust the balls
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: of Marcel in Brooklyn. But we're gonna have a great time.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: It's gonna be fun. We tell stories, you can ask
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: me whatever you want. We're there in Boston again on Friday,
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: and then Wooster on Saturday. The Pirate ship is docking.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Please come by if you're in the area, if you
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: have nothing else going on, we'd love to meet you. Boy,
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: that would be cool. So turning the page on that,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: we continue on this Saturday edition of The Fifth Hour
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: with never before told tales from the Great Kentucky Expedition.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: File this one under. It's never just the destination, it's
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: the full blown circus that gets you there. I told
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: a lot of stories yesterday about some of the people
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: that came to the meet and greet. And you hear
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: that line all the time, though, life is a journey,
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: not a destination. Now, usually when someone is trying to
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: justify a delayed flight or a lost suitcase. However, in
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: this case, for once, the cliche actually clocked in and
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: did a full day's work, because the journey from Socal's
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: North Woods to the Malor Meet and greet last weekend
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: in the Cincinnati slash Newport, Kentucky corridor was not just
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: a trip. It was a survival drill disguised as travel.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Now I have cousins spread from Seed to Shining Sea.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: I got a cousin out in Denver. My guy, Louis,
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: good guy. We grew up together. He moved away to
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: New York. He's lived all over the country. So Louis
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: is his name, and being a road warrior is his game.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: He's a traveling businessman. He lives out of a suitcase.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: The whole deal, right, the whole deal. And he told
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: me years ago, he said, Ben, watch out, have you
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: ever flown into Never? I said, well, no, I've really
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: never flown in Never. He says, watch out for the
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: turbulence in Denver. Now, like most advice you hear repeatedly,
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: I treated it the way you treat a dentist recommending
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: you floss. You politely acknowledge it, it gets immediately ignored.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: Now I am an epic floss I just want to
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: point that out these days, so I'm not a nervous flyer.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I don't really fly as a nervous person. I've been
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: around the aviation block a few times. I used to
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: travel quite a bit, and I don't clutch the armrest
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: every time the plane wiggles a little bit, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle,
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: like it's doing the cha cha chaw. However, this recent
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: trip was a bit different. This was not your garden
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: variety a little bump here, a little bump there, a
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: little bump everywhere. This was a full blown amusement park
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: experience at thirty thousand feet. I'm talking roller coaster vibes.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: It was like I had bought a ticket and gone
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: to six Flags Magic Mountain and done the old loop
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: de Loop, or a surprise cameo from the local SoCal
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: amusement park, nots Erry Farm. It was the kind of
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: turbulence where your stomach doesn't just drop, it kind of
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: relocates off to the side. You start wondering if gravity
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: has filed for divorce. So the plane wasn't flying so
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: much as it was negotiating with the air a little
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: dipsy doo. One minute, you're cruising. The next minute the
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: pilot says, we're heading into some turbulence here as we
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: make our way into the Denver airport, So please buckle up,
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: fasten your seatbelts, and the flight attendants please prepare for landing.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: So you're like, ohcruising, the next minute free falling. It
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: was like a disaster movie. So I'm sitting there, I'm thinking,
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: all right, so this is new. I don't love this.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: And when I say I felt it in my bones,
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: the turbulence, I mean, my skeleton was filing complaints with HR.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: My cousin of course later says, well, yeah, that's just Denver,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: ban just Denver. What is this the turbulence capital of
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: North America? Is that true? Now, by the time we
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: touched down, I was not walking. I was recalibrating, which
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: was problematic. You ever gotten off a boat and still
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: feel like you're on the boat, you know what I mean? Yeah,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: it's called seasickness. It's the same deal. It's in the
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: air though, so my internal GPS was buffering, my stomach
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: was left somewhere in Cheyenne, Wyoming, and yet no pity party.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: I didn't have any time to sit there and contemplate
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: the time space continuum, the meaning of life. I couldn't
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: reassemble my equilibrium because the clock was ticking, the doomsday clock.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: It was not polite like British big ban. No, this
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: was a full blown American buzzer beater situation. You see,
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: the flight from southern California had been delayed about thirty minutes.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: The inbound plane, which would become the outbound plane, was
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: thirty minutes late. Now, thirty minutes is not catastrophic, however,
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: when you have to change planes, it's just enough time
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: to turn a routine connection where you can casually make
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: your way through an airport into a full on Olympic qualifier.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: You see, because of the thirty minute delay, instead of
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: having fifty minutes to an hour, I had twenty minutes
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: to slash zero minutes to get from Gate AS eighteen
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: at the Denver Airport to Gate B twenty eight. It's
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: like playing bingo. So now now you've If you've ever
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: been through a major airport, I'm sure you have. Everyone's
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: traveled at some point. You know that that is not
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: a walk. Going from Gate A eighteen to Gate B
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: twenty eight the Denver Airport or any airport, that is
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: a mission. That is a lace them up your shoes
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: and start stretching, and it's go. It's go time. So
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: I became for a brief shining moment, Benny the bowlt
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: Benny the Bolt. I'm sprinting. If you can imagine I'm sprinting.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: I'm not the fastest guy, but I'm sprinting through the terminal,
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: going by cores. They had a lot of cores merch
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: they were selling. They had. I didn't see the Humble
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: store that Mike Rabel was at that was in Salt Lake.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: I didn't see one in Denver. I did see John
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Elway's restaurant. There was a John Elways restaurant airport in Denver.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: So I'm going through the terminal like I've got a
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: baton in my hand and a nation is depending on me,
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: dodging humanity, like it's an obstacle course designed by a sadist,
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: and you've got the slow walkers who suddenly decide the
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: middle of the walking runway thing the people mover on
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: the concourse is a great place to check their phone,
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: blocking anyone. You've got the moms and the dads with
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: the strollers moving information, blocking the road like a highway
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: patrol officer doing a traffic break. Okay. You have the
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: elderly couples drifting like clouds. I don't think they know
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: where they're going. A few folks who appear to have
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: set up permanent residents near the moving walkways and also
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: may or may not be completely slashed and sprinkled in there.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: The airport wild cards, as we like to call them,
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: the wildcard line, the guys who've clearly been overserved at
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: ten am in the morning and are weaving like they're
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: in a video game. And that that was going on.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: So it was kind of like playing whack a mole,
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: except the moles are people and they don't move out
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: of the way, and the whole time the anxiety meter
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: is redlining. Now why is that? Because missing that flight
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: was not an option, not even remotely on the table.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: We had listeners p ones coming in from everywhere. As
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: we talked about on the Friday podcast, planes, trans and automobiles,
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: probably a guy on a Uni cycle somewhere making his
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: way to Newport, Kentucky. You can't be the host of
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: the party and not show up to the party. It's
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: not allowed. It's tabo. So that's how you end up
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: in the Mallard Militia Witness Protection program if that happens.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: So I'm running, weaving, calculating, dodging the whole thing, a
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: little cut to the left, dodge that stroller, accelerate turbotastic
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: past this fat guy's eating some kind of French fried dish.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: And then you get to the moving walkway, and then
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: you got a sidestep the older woman, and there's a
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: young lady who looked like she just came from the gym,
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: and she's looking at the scenic out overlook there and
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: she's recording a video, likely for Instagram. So there's a
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: lot of high stakes geometry in this. And I even
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: had to hop on the airport subway to go from
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: terminal to terminal to reach the finish line. And finally,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: finally I see I See Eureka. Three effing minutes, three
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: minutes before they closed the door, three minutes before Heartbreak
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: City and I slid in like Charlie Hussel Pete Rose
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: doing a headfirst slide into third base back in the day.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: No helmet, no fear, no jockstrap, just good vibrations. Now
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: the gate agent gave me this weird look, like what
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: is going on? And I think they were a little impressed,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: also annoyed a little bit. And I'm thinking, hey, listen,
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: we're both winners here. You get to close the door
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: and the gate on time. I get to not spend
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: the night in Denver eating overpriced airport food. And now
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: let's talk about the flights themselves. So the leg from
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: LA to Denver was packed classic sardines, shoulder the shoulder,
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: elbow to elbow, a full symphony of humanity. You've got
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: the guy who smells like the the last time he
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: showered with sometime in the early two thousands and so,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: then you've got the other guy who bathe in Cologne,
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: which could also mean the guy didn't shower in a
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: long time. Then there's the guy that smells like a
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: three month old tuna fish sandwich and everything in between.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: So it's a social experiment in a metal tube thirty
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: thousand miles in the sky. Then we get the plot toys.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: So the flight from Denver to Cincinnati was half empty
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: or half full if you're an optimist. I'm a pessimist,
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: So I say half empty, and I'm not saying that
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: to take a shot at the economy in Cincinnati. But
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: you don't start wondering, I guess you do start wondering,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: like what's going on with that? They rarely even have
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: flights take off that are half full because they lose
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: money on those. And the flight took off, and that
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: is that. It was kind of felt like a private
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: charter for me. I hit the travel lottery. I ended
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: up with an entire row to myself. You know, the
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: mathematical odds, you have a better chance of winning the
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: lottery than getting an entire row on a domestic flight
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: in twenty twenty six to yourself. This is a rare event.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: We're talking about Haley's comet, spotting Bigfoot and getting an autograph.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Middle seat empty, middle seat empty. Right, Come on now, now, Davis,
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: he knows, he knows what I'm talking about. That's a
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: big deal. So this doesn't happen. It doesn't happen, not
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: in the modern airline experience, where they are trying to
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: fit roughly two hundred souls into a space design for
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: about one hundred and twenty. I have not had a
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: full row to myself in at least twenty years. This
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: is like finding an old twenty dollars bill in a
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: jacket you have worn since twenty oh four. So what
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: did I do? I evolved? I transformed. I became middle
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: seat Mallard, middle seat Mallard MSM, middle seat Mallary. I
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: slide on over my big took us. I slide on
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: over from the aisle to the middle. I'm just upgrading
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: my life. My lifestyle has improved. Suddenly, I'm living large.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: I got my right leg stretched out underneath the seat
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: that's near the window. I got my left leg stretched
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: out near the seat I was supposed to be sitting in.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: No one's invading my personal bubble. No awkward elbow negotiations,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: no shoulder collisions. Every time the stewardess brings the food
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: tray down to offer you water and a little cookie,
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: like they're auditioning for a bowling league, they knock into you.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: So let me tell you something that might shock the
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: aviation community. Because I was surprised by this, and I
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: can't forget what says, but I am the middle seat
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: when you have the whole row is elite VIP, it's VIP.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: It's a power position. You've got symmetry, you've got space,
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: you've got options. It's like sitting in the center of
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: your own little kingdom. And it's like, I don't care
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: how long the flight is. I've got I've got room.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: No one's smelling here. No neighbors smelling like rotten cheddar
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: cheese or Limburger cheese. No cloud of holatosis drifting from
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: the person to the left that hasn't brushed their teeth
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: since nineteen eighty seven. No guy on the right deciding
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: it's a great time to remove his shoes and then
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: introduce you to the gunk underneath his toenails. You say, here,
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: we are right, and look at my big feet, my
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: cloud hoppers. It was, dare I say, a peaceful trip.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: Once we got out of the Denver area and there
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: was more turb it wasn't as bad as the flight in,
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: and it was smooth sailing after the airborne rodeo earlier
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: in the day. So you start to rethink everything you
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: thought you knew about airline seating. Maybe the middle seat
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: isn't the villain it's made out to me. Maybe it's
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: just misunderstood. Maybe in the right circumstance, it's the hero
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: that you didn't know you needed. In this case, it was.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: And I sat there, stretched out. It's only like a
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: two hour flight from Denver to Cincinnati. I stretched out,
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: living like a baller at thirty thousand feet. I started
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: thinking about Denver again, because despite the turbulence, despite the
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: sprint through the airport, there's something about that time, the mountains,
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: the vibe, the fact that you're playing Mike double as
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: a two for one special, you get a throw ride
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: at a roller coaster and a flight two for one special.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: It's got all character. And it also has a malar
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: food dish named after yours truly. Now, Queen Roxanne had
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: floated the idea of putting together a malar meat and
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: greet in the Denver area. Now, in the moment that
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: sounds outstanding, mile high malard militia, Sign me up, coach,
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: I'm ready to play. Put me in. However, there's always
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: that little voice in the back of your head that says,
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: let's see if that enthusiasm holds Once Queen Roxanne gets
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: back to ground level, oxygen levels stabilize, and real life
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: kicksback in. You know what I'm saying. Because it's easy
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: to make plans when you're caught up in the malment,
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: it's another thing to actually pull it off. However, if
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: it happens, if we get a Denver edition of The
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: Malard Traveling Road Show, I'm in. I'll just make sure
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: to mentally prepare for a few loop de loops and
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: dipsy dews and put one foot in and shake it
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: all about and take it out and do the hokey pokey.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'll bring a mouthguard and a cup and do
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: some pre flight meditation. Sign a waiver now. In the end, though,
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: this part of the trip was a reminder of something simple.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: The chaos, the unpredictability, the near missus. That's the good,
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: the bad, and the ugly. That's the material. When you
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: have a podcast to do, anybody can show up where
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: everything goes according to plan. As the famous quote goes,
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: God laughs at your plans, right while your life happens
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: while you're making plans. And so when you've been rattled
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: like a pinball at altitude sprinted through an airport, like
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: you're being chased and still made it with three minutes
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: to spare. That's that's a story. That's a story. Any
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: good talk radio gas bag, or let's say a slightly
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: above average gas bag, we'll tell you the story is
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: the whole point of these things. I have met so
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: many cool people at these Mallard meat greets. We're gonna
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: do the Boston one, as we said next week and
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Worcester now turning the page for the Special Forces operation
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: of the Mallard Militsia. For those whove in the back
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: of the room, Yes, I said, I sped the Special
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: Forces Operation of the Mallard Militsia. Now, we had mentioned
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: in a previous edition of the podcast that we had
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: three hundred thousand men, women and children that attended the
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: Malor meat greet. Now was that the actual attendance for
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: the Malar meat greet in Newport, Kentucky at Strong's Brick
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: Oven Pizzeria. Of course not. However, using the patented NFL
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: Roger Goodell abacus, where every human counts as at least
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: five and every eyeball is a registered fan, We're going
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: with it a sellout, a smash hit, standing ovation, a
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: gathering of the Malard militia so massive it probably showed
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: up on our old buddy, Roberto's Mexican Doppler two thousand radar.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: The bus driver Roberto. Now, once the last slice of
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: pizza had been devoured and the final handshake completed at
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: Strong's brick Oven Pizzeriha, the question became, what now, Because
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: if you know anything about this Special Forces operation, you
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: know we don't just shut it down and call it
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: a night. That's not how this pirate ship operates. No, no, no, no, no,
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: this is merely halftime. The postgame show was about to
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: become its own feature presentation Benny the YouTuber doing a
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: travel vlog. That's right, a travel vlog. So the original plan,
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: hatched in the abstract safety of a previous podcast episode,
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: was simple, head over to the Reds game with some
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: listeners a wholesome baseball outing, Americana peanuts and cracker jacks. Right, No, wrong, wrong,
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: because I did not account for the fact that the
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: Reds had decided to roll out the red carpet literally
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: pun fully intended a Hall of Fame celebration, the Reds
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: Hall of Fame. We're talking about honoring Brandon Phillips infielder
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: Brandon Phillips, Sweet lou Panela and a Parade of Dignitaries,
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: Franchise Royalty, the kind of a night where ticket prices
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: don't just go up, they go vertical, like in Elon
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Musk SpaceX launch. So I was by myself. My wife
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: did not make the trip. So I was like, all,
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: I want to go to the game. And I was like, well,
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: maybe we won't go to the game. I don't know.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: And suddenly the idea of casually strolling into the ballpark
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: for cheap seats turned into trying to beachfront property during
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: a hurricane evacuation. Demand through the roof supply not so much.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: Enter Big Pete. Now every show has a p one
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: in each town. That's the guy we mentioned in a
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: previous episode, Andy Furman, the guy, right, you have a guy.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Well for the listener wing, Big Pete is the guy.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: He's the fixer, he's the connector, the man who knows
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: a guy. Big Pete is a crossover fan dates back
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: to the days when Steve Zabin was doing the morning
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: show on Fox Sports Radio a lifetime ago, which means
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: he has taste, or at least he used to have taste.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: Pete works in television. TV people, they are better people
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: than radio people. But he loves radio. He works in
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: television there in Cincinnati, and he made a valiant effort
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: to score us some complimentary tickets. He fought the good fight.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: He reached out to his contacts. The guy's name Big Pete.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: You name Big Pete, you know stuff. And he's taller
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: than I am. He made me feel like a little shrimp,
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: a little shrimp. But even Big Pete, with all this connections,
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: he ran headfirst into a brick wall of supply and demand.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: You see, when you're selling the tickets, the Reds don't
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: give out a lot of freebies, No magic handshake, no
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: golden ticket for that still credit where it is due. Pete,
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: Big Pete pivoted. If he couldn't get us into the
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: game for free, he could at least provide a scouting
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: report on his city. So we had limited time. And
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: what should we do? What should we skip? It's your
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: battlefield and post meet and greet. Help us out, and
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: he gave some great advice and we listened, and he's,
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: you know, you gotta go eat the chili. You gotta
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: do this, You gotta do the ice cream. As the
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: party wound down, we did what any self respecting band
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: of radio degenerates would do. Formed Voltron, a rag tag,
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: highly functioning, slightly sleep deprived group of the greatest members
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: available in the Mallad militia getting together foot soldiers united
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: under one common bond, a Special Forces Malard Militia mission.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: Cram as much living as possible into the remaining hours
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: of that day. That was the mission. That was it,
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: and I hadn't done this in a long time. I
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: did this in Boston. At one of the events we did,
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: there was a gentleman named Wayne from Southey who was
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: really really enjoying himself. And he's the guy we used
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: to play the drops Hey. I did it for Malor,
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: you know, sober for all years. I did it for
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: Mala and he kept handing me beers and when he
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: went to the bathroom. I took the couple from Maine
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: that used to call the show Blind Scott. We had
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: a guy from Toronto and a couple other guy and
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: we just took off. We didn't know where we're going,
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: I guess. Eventually we went to visit this guy, Vinnie,
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: who worked at a hotel in Boston who was a
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: caller to the show years ago. We just went out
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: so the roster for this event. I'm telling you, big
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: names here can't close the deal. Neil from Indiana and
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: his son Corbyn, who by the way, is cooler at
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: his age the most adults ever become. Corbin just gets it.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: I like this guy a mini me in spirit as
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: my debonair look from when I was his age. It's
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: like my twin, if not in a reckless decision making way.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: A young caller turned real life stand out. We had
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: Queen rock Sand need I say more, the pride of
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: Denver Radio Royalty, beloved female holding court with the kind
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: of presence that suggests she might either run the room
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: or accidentally burn room down, depending on the cocktails available,
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: possibly both. Robbie the Mariner fan, He's our bodyguard. He's
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: my CONSIGLIERI is what he is, my right hand man
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: for the duration of this escapade. Tommy from Atlanta always
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: has the signature braves hat. No cape doesn't need one,
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: unmistakably part of the superhero ensemble. Met Tommy for the
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: first time at the event we did in Charleston, and
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: then yours truly apparently moonlighting again is a YouTube slash
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: Instagram lifestyle influencer. The plan the motorcade, the Malor motorcade,
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: not presidential, not popemobile, like the Malorway. Three cars, one mission.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: I had rented a car, Tommy had a car, Neil
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: had a car. So we rolled out of strong Brickove
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: in Pizzeria, Newport, Kentucky, like a convoy of slightly confused
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: but highly motivated city slick. Some of us were, some not. Neil,
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: I believe lives in a small town there in in Indiana,
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: and so I led the charge as the commander and
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: chief of the rental version of the Malamobile. Neil followed
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: Indiana plates gleaming with purpose. Tommy brought up the rear
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: in his own rental car, the Tommy Chariot. Next stop,
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: Devo Park. I believe that's say pronounce a Devo park now.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: This recommendation came courtesy of Steve from North Carolina, a
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: man also with historical credibility in the Mallard Militia, having
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: attended the legendary Kansas City meet up back in twenty twelve,
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: and when a veteran of the Mallard Militia gives you
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: directions someone that you've known for over ten years. You listen,
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: and let me tell you, Divo Park delivered. I'm a
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: little skeptical. I was a little skeptical. So perched high
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: above Covington, Kentucky. It offers a panoramic view of the
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: Cincinnati skyline that looks like something a painter would create
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: after one too many cups of coffee and a sudden
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: burst of inspiration. Skyscrapers rising out of the Ohio River
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: basin bridges, beautiful bridges, stretching like steel spiderwebs, the whole
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: scene glowing like a postcard that somehow forgot to exaggerate. Now,
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: I hadn't spent much time in Cincinnati. I do remember
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: as a kid watching Red's Dodgers games from the old
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: Riverfront Stadium, and it seemed like it was hotter than
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: the sun and just nasty and everyone would complain. Remember
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: those trips the Dodgers would go on to Saint Louis
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: and Cincinnati and Atlanta, and it was just fricking oppressive.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: So it wasn't like that we had a chamber of commerce.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: They could not have had better weather. We pulled in
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: to the parking lot parked on some grass, not with
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: fellow tourists, but with a group of teenagers. A gaggle
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: of teenage girls and boys dressed like they were attending
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: the oscars. I guess it was prom weekend. Parents snapping photos,
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: couples posing like they were about to announce an engagement.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: It was just prom. And then there was us, a
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: roaming band of misfit radio listeners and one overnight gas bag,
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: weaving through the crowd, trying not to photo bomb anyone.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: In a once in a lifetime moment, we found again
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: a little patch of grass, grabbed a few photos, soaked
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: in the view, and then it was back to the
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: cars because there was still baseball to attempt the Great
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: American Ballpark. So we went from the park down to
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: the Great American Ballpark. First visit. No clue word to park,
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: No clue word to park. Now Robbie the Marina fan,
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: Mike and Siglieri. Robbie had been there a few times,
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: and thankfully he had some experience in the area, so
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: even with local intel, finding parking near the stadium felt
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: like trying to win a carnival game that's been rigged
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: since nineteen eighty seven. We got rejected at multiple lots
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: right near the stadium. It said permit only Pete Rose
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: lot not allowed, need to have a pass, pass holders
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: only try somewhere else, loser. Finally we surrendered to the inevitable,
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: a thirty dollars surcharge, which I guess is not bad
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: compared to La about three blocks. About three blocks from
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: the stadium. You want price gouging, sure compared to Los Angeles,
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: though it felt like a discount bin, discount bin. Now
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: we regroup. We made the trek to the stadium, had
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: to take an elevator up to the fifth floor, climbed
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: what felt like mountain a mountain to get up there,
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: got inside just in time to miss out on the
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: give way. Bought our tickets, missed out on the giveaway, which,
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: by the way, remains one of the dumbest policies in
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: professional sports. If you advertise a giveaway, is it wrong
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: to think that the Musugunahs who are running this should
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: give everyone a giveaway? Not the first twenty thousand, not
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: the early birds, everyone. The marginal cost to have the
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: extra items made in China is negligible, the goodwill is enormous. Instead,
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: you create a stadium full of people who feel like
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: they showed up to a birthday party and didn't get
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: a slice of the cake. So I digress, I digress.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: So the stadium itself, I was impressed. It was packed
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: because of the Hall of Fame thing. The Reds off
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: to a good start this season. There was a buzz
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: in the crowd, a sensory overload of smells, sounds, and
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: overpriced concessions. I wasn't starving, I had already inhaled half
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: a pizza. However, I left room for a splurge. My
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: splurge was a thirteen dollars pretzel. They did give a
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: cheese cup, which wouldn't have been bad if it wasn't lukewarm.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: Now it was lukewarm. The pretzel was pretty solid, not
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: gonna lie. The cheese was a disappointment, wrapped in melted expectations.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: The cost of the product maybe a dollar to make
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: profit margin. Let's just say the Reds are not hurting
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: for revenue in that regard. Queen Roxanne supplied a bottle
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: of water. I think her. I think her later revealed
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: to be a six dollars luxury item, possibly blessed by
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: Cincinnati Baseball deities Pete Rose, he might have looked at
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: it years ago. We found our seats. We sat out
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: in right field, kind of close. It was right center field.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: They have the big fire shooting fingam of jigs out
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: in the outfield. We were not far from those, so
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: we found our seats. It was a Reds versus Tigers game.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: Jack Flaherty on the mound and the Reds were wearing there.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: I think this was their City Connect uniforms, and so
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: they were wandering around. It looked like they were oversized tomatoes.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: It was Halloween and they all dressed like tomatoes. And
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: then came a free gambling consultation. The Great Queen Roxanne,
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: fueled by one or two adult beverages and a tremendous
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: trendis amount of female confidence. She asked for home run
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: a home run pictures who was going to hit home?
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: So I then went in to council with my consiglieri,
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: Robbie the Mariner fan, And after a brief war room
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: session with Robbie, we landed on two names. Sal Stewart
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: Sal Stuart and Elie Dela Cruz. Now you likely could
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: have come up with these names if you pay attention
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: to the Reds and one of the gentlemen that came
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: to the event. He had a real great red Red
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: shirt and short pants, the whole thing he would know.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: But Sal Stuart playing like an all star Ellie Dela Cruz,
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: the face of the franchise. She bet on Dela Cruz
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: and actually and she bet on salth Stewart. First at
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: bat Boom goes the dynamite cub Boom home run and
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: later on Dela Cruz hit home runs. We were two
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: for two. The Mallard Gambling Advisory Committee remains undefeated. At
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: Red's Tigers games in April in Cincinnati, we stayed nearly
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: to the end of the game. The Reds won in
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: a route or root depending on your upbringing, your education,
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: and it was time for Phase three. But wait, there's
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: more now, Skyline Chili was on the table. Big Pete
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: gave a big sales pitch to Skyline Chile. Unfortunately, my
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: post gallbladder reality, I made a decision to help my
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: fellow man. And let's just say, when your stomach operates
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: like a loose cannon, but not Steve Hartman, don't tempt
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: fate before air travel, because if I had had the
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: Skyline chili. There was a seventy five percent chance that
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: it would have created an unstable situation, a tinder box
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: in my tummy. And can you imagine being on a
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: plane if that hit. When I got on the plane
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: and the people around me, I realized it turned out
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: I had my own row. It turned out I had
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: my own row, and for that I'm grateful. In the multiverse,
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: there's a mention I didn't have my own role, own row,
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: and just imagine what that would have been like. So
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: we went to Greater's ice Cream away from the stadium.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: Founded in eighteen seventy. That is not a mistake, eighteen seventy.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: That is a legacy, a group that by this time,
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: the Special Forces Mallard Militia Group had shrunks slightly. Tommy
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: tapped out, and I get it. He had to work
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: on Sunday to fly back early, and he wanted to
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: rest and enjoy himself, so he went back to the hotel.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: I went with a group that included Neil and his son.
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: I should also point out what a great memory for
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: the little fella, the mini me of me, although it's
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: Neil's kid, Corbyn. That was his first professional baseball game,
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: how cool was that, Corbyn. It went to a great game,
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: saw some home runs, the Reds won the game. It
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: was really really cool, really really cool, A lot of
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: fun for him. So back to the story. So we
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: went to get ice cream. Creators ice cream been around
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: since eighteen seventy, smaller group with Neil, Robbie insert your jokes,
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: Goatman and Justin and you trolls. And Queen Roxanne was there.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: Now I had I was driving Robbie and Queen Roxanne.
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: I was their chauffeur. I was their uber. I was
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: driving around and so we we went there and I
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: normally go cookie dough, mint chip or strawberry. And I
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: was ordering the ice cream and I said, you know what,
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: I said, what's what's this place known for? And Robbie's like,
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: what's known for the black raspberry chip ice cream? I said, well,
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: you know, okay, I'm sticking to my head, my internal monologue,
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: the internal voice in my head's like, well I don't
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: really like the sound of that black raspberry chip. And
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: then I was like, well, wait a minute here, what
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: do I always say? You don't go to an Italian
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: restaurant and order a cheeseburger, You don't go to a
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: taco place and order a steak. You know, you go
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: what there, You go with what they're known for. And
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: this place was known for the black raspberry chip ice cream.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: So I got a scoop of that and I paired
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: it with the cookie dough. I figured at least half
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: the ice cream would be good little balance. I gotta
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: tell you this did not disappoint. Greater's ice cream is
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: freaking great. I read a little bit about it said,
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: French pot method is what they use, creamy rich, the
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: kind of dessert that makes you reconsider every other ice
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: cream you've ever eaten that good. And I've had some
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: good ice cream. I have had some really good ice cream.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: Is a great place in Santa Barbara in Sokel McConnell's
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: ice cream is wonderful. There's a place in the South Bay,
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: west of the four h five where they have these
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: ice cream sandwiches that I love so much. I forget
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: the name of it. Forget the name of it. Anyway,
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: we enjoyed the ice cream, and from there it was
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: getting late and we lost a few more members of
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: our special Forces team, and that would be Neil and
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: his son Corbyn. I get it. You know, Corbyn's a
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: younger guy. You got to get your beauty sleep and
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: all that Neil had to get going back to Indiana,
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: I believe on Sunday. So at this point it's just me, Queen,
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: Roxanne and Robbie the Mariner fan and I made a
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: tacnical decision. I said, you don't want to stay up
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: all night. I don't ever flight. And I learned this
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: lesson years ago in New York when I visited the
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: World Trade Center a couple weeks it was late August,
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: before nine to eleven. I was in the ground floor
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: of the World Trade Center and I was going to
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: go up to check out the observation deck. It was
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: pretty expensive. They said the thing closed in like half
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: an hour or so, you know, and we're not giving
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: you half price or whatever. You got to pay the
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: full price for half an hour. I said, I'll just
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: come back and we know what happened later on a
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: couple weeks later with the horrific attack on America and
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: the World Trade Center. So I never got to go
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: up to the World Trade Center. So I learned that lesson,
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: Just go for it. You only live once. You don't
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: know what's going to happen, so I decided to go
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: for it. And where else to go when you're in
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: Dayton or when you're in at Tonattie Then to the
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: Dayton area to BUCkies Yep, the Beaver or as Lorraina says, Boosy's.
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: But we went to BUCkies late night pilgrimage from at
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: this point the ice cream place was in Kentucky, so
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: we crossed over again, went up to Houber Heights, Ohio.
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: By the time we got there, it was a decent
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: sized drive. We went past midnight. The roads pretty dark,
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: pretty dark, not like California where there's lights everywhere. In
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: la Is it was getting dark. The mission was clear.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: We arrived to Chaos. It was a human zoo. I
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: mentioned we were at the park earlier. There were prom
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: dresses yet again now this was more like it was
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: like a mix. It was kind of like a Walmart
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: because you had, you know, you had girls all dauled
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: up from their prom. You had guys that had already
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: changed to their sweats. There were some people wearing pajamas.
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: There were road warriors, lost souls. It was kind of
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: like Venice Beach meets Times Square meets Walmart, except it's
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: a truck stop, fever dream. Although it's not a truck stop.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: BUCkies is not a truck stop. It's just a gas station.
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: So inside we browsed, we debated, we analyzed the merch.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: I went with a brisket, sandwich and chips, simple and effective.
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: We ate in the car because distance is the enemy
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: of food quality. As I've often said one of the
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: core principles, the more time that food sits after ordering it,
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: the worse it gets. It's a malarism, a principle of
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: the Malard militia. So anyway, then we made the long
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: drive back, right long drive back, drop offs, gas packing
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: the whole thing. I dropped off Robbie and Roxanne. Robbie
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: stayed in that area. Queen Roxanne had to get back
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: to Denver. By the time I got back to my hotel,
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: I packed my stuff. I had about ninety minutes, and
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: then in the ninety minutes I was able to charge
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: my watch and my phone and stare at the screen
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: for a little bit. And then the travel gauntlet continued
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: Cincinnati to the Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport, Phoenix, onto southern California.
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: A whirlwind. However, somewhere in that blur somewhere, the skyline views,
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: the baseball bets, the delicious ice cream, the BUCkies, Beaver,
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: the turbulence, the sprint through the Denver Airport. Like Benny
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: the Bolt, there was something else. There was a connection
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: I did. I felt a connection. You guys were great,
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: A real human connection, the kind you don't get sitting
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: in front of a microphone or a podcast download, the
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: kind that reminds you why you do this. And those
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: are the real heart and soul of the show, not
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: the the elites. It's these are the people working factories,
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: and you know, you guys are the salt of the
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: truck drivers and all that. Now it was so great
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: that you came out. A lot of you guys retired,
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: some of you guys retired, whatnot living the life so
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: wonderful and now we look at it. As mentioned, we
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: started this by talking about Boston and Worcester to the
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: next gathering of the Malad Militia. The takeaway is simple,
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: this isn't just a show. We're a bit of a circus,
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: a traveling circus of rolling in carnival, a community that
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: shows up again and again to pizza joints, the ballparks,
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: the Irish pubs, to ice cream shops, to things named
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: after squirrels all over the country, and somehow, against all odds,
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: it keeps getting better and better and better and better.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: And I realize I have gone way too long on
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: this podcast. I apologize. I had a lot to say.
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: We will have the mail bag, the mail bag with
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: who knows who, I think I know, I think I know.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: We'll see if they actually show up the mail bag
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: on Sunday. Have a wonderful rest of your Saturday, enjoy
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: the Kentucky Derby, the Run for the Roses, and we'll
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: talk to you tomorrow about Felatia.